Members crazywkids Posted January 6, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 6, 2010 I feel like I'm losing my mind. My husband is so worried about me. My dad has lung cancer that has spread to his liver and bones and according to Dr's has only a couple more months. My mother is a basket-case. She has been through so much in the last several years. She has had to watch her mother go first, then her dad, and now her husband. She is so scared. They married the day after her high school graduation, 44 years ago. I feel so bad for her! I just cry all the time. I love my dad so much, but I almost think he is the lucky one. I don't want to lose him either! I try to think that my mom will be ok, but then all I can think about is that if it were me, I would not be ok. I have been married 24 years and if it were my husband, I know I would NOT be ok, so how can I think she will be? I am just so scared for both of them. I can't stand the thought of him suffering and I really can't stand the thought of her having to watch him suffer! I am already grieving and my husband thinks I'm going crazy. I cry at the drop of a hat. We own a cafe and it is really hard to work and talk to people when you can't keep from crying all the time. We don't talk about him dying. We talk about how he is feeling and if the new meds are helping and stuff like that, but not about him dying. He has asked if we want a couple of things and gave my son a motorcycle he has, so it's not like anyone's in denial. I think we just don't know what to say. I have read a lot on these boards and i have to agree with them that we shouldn't leave anything unsaid. There are a lot of things I want to say to him, but I just can't seem to bring it up. I was thinking about writing him a letter. Does that sound stupid? And what should I say? I want to tell him that mom will be ok, even though I'm not at all convinced of that. And he knows that, too. He knows her well enough to know that she's not going to be ok. That is killing me! He shouldn't have to worry about her when he is the one who is sick! It's just a terrible thing happening to us. I hate cancer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agnaq111809 Posted January 7, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2010 Having recently lost my mother and how sometimes I've been thinking of 'going back to this summer' and what I would've done with her. Even though I took her on trips and had some long talks with her, I just found out that her wedding anniversary is in a couple days! See we lost my father a month before I was born. So I grew up learning not to ask almost no questions about this man who was suppose to be my daddy/father. Not only did my mother lose her young husband, but she lost her younger brother who went out hunting with my dad. So my maternal grandmother hurt too but she was a Christian. So I grew up practically under her 'umbrella' and really thought one day I would become a nun even though I was a member of another religion. In other words, I guess what I'm trying to tell you is get to know your dad and mom like you never did before. Ask them what's their favorite name and why? Did he know his aunts/uncles and what/how they grew up. What was life like for him. How did they meet? How big was their wedding cake? Also, make him laugh or laugh with him (so hard that you cry together). Maybe watching America's Funniest Videos on TV can get you laughing. That is what I wanted to remember when my momma passed-when we laughed together last cause her last days were not too 'bright'. We both hated the cancer when we found out early October. We didn't know she would go in a little over a month. Treat daddy like a king. God Bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindyjean Posted January 7, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 7, 2010 I think a letter would be a great idea, how about making a DVD??? Something he could watch when you are not with him right now. Tell him how much you love him and talk maybe about some of your special memories? Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tatiescone Posted January 8, 2010 Members Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 [user=41723]crazywkids[/user] wrote: I feel like I'm losing my mind. My husband is so worried about me. My dad has lung cancer that has spread to his liver and bones and according to Dr's has only a couple more months. My mother is a basket-case. She has been through so much in the last several years. She has had to watch her mother go first, then her dad, and now her husband. She is so scared. They married the day after her high school graduation, 44 years ago. I feel so bad for her! I just cry all the time. I love my dad so much, but I almost think he is the lucky one. I don't want to lose him either! I try to think that my mom will be ok, but then all I can think about is that if it were me, I would not be ok. I have been married 24 years and if it were my husband, I know I would NOT be ok, so how can I think she will be? I am just so scared for both of them. I can't stand the thought of him suffering and I really can't stand the thought of her having to watch him suffer! I am already grieving and my husband thinks I'm going crazy. I cry at the drop of a hat. We own a cafe and it is really hard to work and talk to people when you can't keep from crying all the time. We don't talk about him dying. We talk about how he is feeling and if the new meds are helping and stuff like that, but not about him dying. He has asked if we want a couple of things and gave my son a motorcycle he has, so it's not like anyone's in denial. I think we just don't know what to say. I have read a lot on these boards and i have to agree with them that we shouldn't leave anything unsaid. There are a lot of things I want to say to him, but I just can't seem to bring it up. I was thinking about writing him a letter. Does that sound stupid? And what should I say? I want to tell him that mom will be ok, even though I'm not at all convinced of that. And he knows that, too. He knows her well enough to know that she's not going to be ok. That is killing me! He shouldn't have to worry about her when he is the one who is sick! It's just a terrible thing happening to us. I hate cancer! Tell him you love him and always have,tell him you will look after your mom and someday you will all be 2gether,and in your own mind realize that nobody lives forever,and no parent should outlive thier own child,its a curse.So what is happening is natural,and when he passes remember the good times,talk about him,laugh about his quirks as all parents have,and never forget.Someone has to be strong at this time,let it be you,and dont bottle it up,talk to you man,il bet he loves you and will listen,take care,..matt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members maggiesz Posted February 8, 2010 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2010 Can hospital or doctor refer you to counseling for yourself, your mother (also your father, maybe husband?) It might help to have someone who understands what people often go through in those times. They can reassure you that you're not "going crazy". Sometimes having someone just listen or give you a hug can help.I don't know if it would help, but do you remember the old saying, "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"... (i.e. would you really prefer never to hurt if it meant you never cared?) Hope remembering joys and happy times can comfort you eventually. Tears do have a physical, scientific relief for hurting; let them flow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members silver38 Posted February 24, 2010 Members Report Share Posted February 24, 2010 to get his voice on tape - go to walmart and get a little tape recorder they are super cheap - or get him on video tape for her and you both and do it NOW i myself would give anything at all to have this of my mom its to late now for me but not for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Kelly Posted August 8, 2010 Administrators Report Share Posted August 8, 2010 Dear Members,We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden, but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com. Kelly Baltzell, MACEO/PresidentBeyond Indigo Family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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