Older sister died in her sleep

[jess_m30]

Hi, this is my first post. My older sister Laura died in her sleep on September 13th this year. She was only 35. We don't know what happened, she just never woke up. Her daughter's 15th birthday was the very next day and my 30th was on the 16th. I am not handling the grief well. I feel like the shock has worn off but the pain of never seeing her again or talking to her kills me. I'm trying to just make it through this year and hold on to the hope that things will get better. I think what kills me the most is we got in a stupid fight in February and we hadn't spoken since. I have an older brother and little sister but we all are grieving in different ways. It's too hard to be around them for long. I feel like it's easier to force myself not to think about her but then I have moments where she's all I think about and I cry so hard. Glad to find this forum. Open to anyone who's going through the same. 

[Greg5138]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister! I lost my son April of this year and I agree it is like a rollercoaster ride. Some days are better then you fall right back into feeling sad. The only thing that helps is knowing that he would not want me to feel bad.

[jess_m30]

Greg thank you for replying. I am sorry you lost your son. I honestly don't know how to keep moving forward. Last Christmas was the last time I saw my sister. It breaks me apart that all I have now are those memories. I tried so hard to apologize for our fight but she never responded. Do you have any advice on how to help my parents. My mom is taking it the hardest. My dad is a pretty quiet person and he's grieving in his own way. But when my mom calls breaking down I just fall apart myself. I hate to admit this but I've stepped away from my family a bit because I just can't bare their pain too. 

[Lynelle]

Jess, thanks so much for your reply. I am so sorry you must go through this. It's just the worst isn't it? I do believe we will be with our sisters again and I'm sure your sister forgives you. The love is what survives.

A book that has helped me is "Surviving the Death of a Sibling- Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies" by T.J. Wray. It has a chapter about guilt that might help...

Everywhere I go, everything I do is a memory with my sweet sister. It's so hard. Maybe if we keep comforting each other, the pain will be a little less. This pain is unbearable. Xo

[injories]

no way, my sister died 2 days before yours. Im so sorry for your lose and i hope you have gotten better. <33