Members nicky01 Posted December 30, 2009 Members Report Share Posted December 30, 2009 [align=left]I am 18, and found out that i have lung cancer 3 months ago. I'm in limbo at the moment; Family, friends, college? There's is no right time to tell them. I'm coping well on my own thus far, no breakdowns or drama, i'm doing everything i can. I think seeing my family distraught would cause me more pain than anything else. I know how excruciatingly helpless i would feel if one of them were in my situation, and i just don't think it is right to put them through that. My Mum, my Dad, my Nanna, my two brothers? It would absolutely destroy them.It was during a Theatre rehearsal when i collapsed. When in hospital, they found a lump in my lung, they originally thought that i had Pulmonary fibrosis. It seemed to them like a credible diagnosis because i do a lot of strenuous exercise and it wasn't unheard of, of me over doing it at times. But after more extensive tests and a biopsy later they told me i have cancer. They consulted other oncologists and i underwent tests again, and they got the same results. They told me it is very rare for a female my age to have lung cancer. I've been having radiotherapy for the past two months, and my body is over eager on the side effects and been throwing up quite a lot. It isn't something i can hide forever. Especially if radiotherapy has no effect, and i head for more extensive treatment. Family, friends, college are all asking questions because i've lost a lot of weight, my work is faltering and quite frankly, i look like i'm on deaths door. I'm worried that college will go absolute flop. If that goes, i know that the cancer will just completely take all of my focus and motivation away. I've been told to stop dancing, that's like telling me not to eat, it's what keeps me going.Sorry, i am having a right good rant here. Is it normal to react in this way? I find myself unable to cry, to get angry, or any of the things i would expect. Instead, i'm incredibly robotic about the whole situation. I don't think the smile on my face had faltered much from the day i was born, even now, it's unlikely to see me wondering about feeling sorry for myself when i should be.I find myself thinking about the what if's. What if therapy doesn't work? What if treatment then fails? What if i am told it is getting worse?To be honest, i don't think it would change me at all. The only thing that will really kill me is watching my family and friends stumble about trying to achieve the impossible and beating themselves up over it. It would encourage me to spend the rest of my time trying to make it easier for them if my luck eventually burns out.So far, everything is telling me not to tell them just yet. Even though many would willingly protest against it. Especially those who have lost someone though illness before. Or mothers and fathers in general for that matter.But for them to know something that they can not change is cruel. To be ablivious and slightly curious is harmless unless it turns out that i (with want of a better word) pop my clogs before having a chance to tell them.Maybe if i was told that i have no hope of recovering, i would consider telling them more than i would now. [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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