Dec 30th will be 4 years and I still feel so lost

[AshJohns]

I lost my fiancé I have been with for 13 years , to a car accident due to drug use. After a fight we had on dec 30 2012. I know he wants me to be happy I know he's better I know he's in a better place but I'm not I hurt and it's not that I don't know how to be happy or can't let go but I miss him , he passed 4 months before our wedding. It's like I just need to talk about it or I don't know honestly why it hurts so bad still and I look for ppl just like him I search for him in everything and everyone. Everyone is always on me about why are you still talking about this why does it still effect you why can't you get over it, why can't you except that you'll never find him in anyone blah blah we all know it. I know I need to talk to someone about it bc I just fucking miss him. I think what hurts the most and what drives me insane is all the regrets and questions unanswered. Just so much happened, it tears at me. I hardly have see. Him in my dreams or felt him and it's frustrating, i don't want to be miserable. I Continue to just for some stupid reason run into and attracte men that are two days apart from his bday and look and have his same interests it's fucking insane and I feel like it's just fucking with me bc I can't and don't know how to deal w it. I for the first time a few weeks ago watched a video of him and us and I flipped out hearing him again I thought would be the best thing ever and I missed it it was not, it brought back flashbacks and anger , confusion , pain , I just fucking miss him so much , I'm lost 

[ModKonnie]

I am so sorry about your loss. We have a forum, Loss of a Partner, where there are  many people who have similar experiences. They may be able to offer you suggestions, encouragement, and advice to help you move forward. 

We will be here with you,

ModKonnie