I JUST LOST MY BELOVED SON ANDREW

[andrewsmother]

My son Andrew was only 19 years old.  He was killed in a car accident this Saturday December 18 2009 at 3:15 am.  I received the dreaded call at 5 am in the morning telling me he had been in an accident.  At the time, I didn't know how bad it was, I got the call from their dad who got it from my other son.  All I can say is that what I am going through is something I don't wish on anyone...ever...I cannot imagine what my life will be like, how I can ever go on, but I feel I have to be strong for my other son Chris.  Chris and Andrew were very very close.  They both gave me so many headaches, those horrible teenage years, but I can say with certainty that I know both my sons love me dearly and in spite of their bad choices due to their short age they both have a huge heart.  My son Andrew was an artist, he loved music, all kinds, he was an old soul, he was funny, he was so very talented, he participated in drama at school and was a damn good actor.  He was a little off course, but was trying very hard to put his life together, he was looking for a job, he wanted to start college, he had plans.  He was a free spirit that believed in peace above all else.  He had a terrible temper and often blew his fuse, but after a while he would apologize and feel badly about his outbursts.  For some reason since my kids were babies I always kissed them on the lips...and until his death my son although already a man still kissed me on the lips, regardless of who was around.  He was my first born, my baby, my first love.  He was killed instanly in a car that had 3 other teenagers, all others survived, my son didn't.  The driver of the other car took a red light and is being charged with vehicular homocide.  How does a mother go on?  I can't sleep, and I dread his service...is it wrong not to want an open casket?  People are telling me I should want to see him one last time but the reality is I want to remember him alive, the thought of seeing him dead in a casket is too much for me to bear.  Please I need some words from other that have gone through this, I can't do this...I'm dying inside, my baby is gone and I'm never going to see him again....I want to feel better but at the same time I feel if I do it means I'm forgetting him and I don't ever ever want to forget my little angel.  I need help!  I need support...I need to be strong for Chris who needs me more than ever.  A final word to my son...Andrew...I love you so very very much....I certainly hope there is a heaven because I want God to hold you in his arms and take care of you!  I am sorry for the last fight we had, please understand I always just wanted the best for you...but I am so sorry we didn't make up before you left this earth...Please know how much I love you and how much I miss you....Please give me a sign that you're ok and ask God to give me strength to endure this pain for your little brother who is so devastated!  I love you my angel....you will always be with us...Always...I promise you.....it will always be the three of us...forever.....Mami

[hotsauce]

Dear Andrewsmother, i am so sorry to heard about the loss of your son ANDREW. no family should have to go through the death of a child.

my name is mary ann (hotsauce) and i lost my only child BRIAN, on 5-1-09 to leukemia, he was only 22 years old.  you came to the right place for help, this is a great group of people, that all to well know what it is like to have lost a child.  all our ANGELS have gone at early ages.

again i am sorry

mary ann

BRIAN'S momdukes

[mpsmom]

DearAndrews Mom,  I am so sorry that you have a reason to have found this website, My prayers are with you, to give you strength to breathe through the next few weeks.    I am Marcia, I lost my only child, my 17 year old daughter Bethany to sudden heart death on September 20th, 2008.  I hope that 'our angels' have welcomed your Andrew into heaven and please know that he is safe, healthy, and forever young now.  Please come to (and post)the  'thread' loss of an adult child, this seems to be the most active over the last 1.5 years and you will find many parents there to give you support as you begin this horrid journey.(no matter what the age of the child was)   We are a loving, caring, nurturing group of mothers and fathers here to listen when you need someone to listen.

HUGS,   Marcia    Bethanys Mom Forever

[hotrod]

Dear Andrews Mom

I am so very sorry for the loss of our beloved son Andrew.  I know this is very early in your grief journey.  Please know that looking ahead to the future without your beautiful son at your side,  is too painful to imagine,  so please  try to get thru one day at a time.  Be very gentle with  yourself, come here often, Post your thoughts, read and feel the connections to all of us who are  parents who are walking this road before you.  It is a painful difficult road but being here helps to walk the walk with others who know how it feels.

I believe that Andrew has joined all our Angels who are still with us in spirit and are watching over us each day.  There is no need for regrets for past arguments as these have already been understood and forgiven  The love you had for Andrew  and he for you is all he knew and knows now.  Let that love warm your heart and soul during this difficult time. 

Having a wake and open casket is difficult.  I agreed to do that and it was difficult but I am glad I did.   I donot remember Stephen in the Casket  I remember him alive and doing what he loved.  This is an individual decision and I would suggest you pray about it and then decide.

I smiled when you described Andrew as an "OLD SOUl" as My son Stephen, who passed away in May 2007 would always say he was an OLD Soul and I believed he was.  

Andrew, is a very handsome young man, who  loved Peace and is at peace now   I am praying for your peace.

Betty

Stephen'smom:?

[mikesmum]

Mami - I'm sorry for your loss seems so inadequate.  19 with his life ahead of him makes losing him all the harder.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of your boy - harder still is trying to figure out what to do when truly you just want your son.

Services are held, they are a blur.  Its hard, but try and think what you want, what you need.  Be advised by the funeral home if an open casket is something that is an option.  

I loss my eldest boy Mike nearly 3yrs ago.  Like Andrew, Mike was an old soul who loved music.  He too was getting his life together.

Pls come to the Loss of an Adults page....the support is amazing, its from those who know......Trudi

 

[averysdad]

Andrewsmother

I am so sorry for you, your son Chris, and all those close to your son and family.

We lost our son Avery on Sept 30th, 2007, the day before his 17th birthday, in a highway traffic accident. He was a passenger in a vehicle with two friends, the car they were in was hit by a teenage girl who had fallen asleep at the wheel. Our son was killed instantly, everybody else walked away from the accident.

I can confidently suggest that you're in shock right now, try to be good to yourself, take what help you can from others who are close to you. Do the things that you and you family feel comfortable with, not what others tell you, these are things you will think about for a long time to come so you have to feel like you did the right thing.

My son was also described as an old soul, once when he was about 6yrs old, and then twice by unrelated individuals after the accident, makes one think doesn't it.

Please don't beat yourself up over things like arguments and such, you had no way of knowing something dreadful like this could happen, the most important thing is that you know your son felt loved. I had a fight with my son a few weeks before his accident and he punched me a couple times, to this day I'm grateful he did, at the time I wasn't but now it's a memory I'm glad happened.

My thoughts will be with you in the days to come, and like others here, you never forget.

[mikesmomrs]

Mami:  I am also so very sorry about the loss of your precious son, Andrew.  You are so new to this journey; the pain is raw, piercing and unbearable at this early stage.  Your son is out of pain now, free with the angels, our angels.  You have come to a place that offers comfort, understanding, and no judgment.  As for the fight with Andrew, as Averysdad said, that is no longer thought of...only the love and caring you had for each other is all that matters now.  I have walked this journey since Oct 14, 2006, when our only son, Mike, died from brain cancer.  The journey is one filled with pitfalls, but the steps forward bring us eventually to a softer place, one where the piercing of the pain of missing our child i snot as breath-taking as it was---not that we don't still ache all over with the longing of holding our child one more time...

Please know that you can come here any time, night or day, and let us share your hourney in order to help you through it.

love and peace to you, Mami---  I am Carol, mikesmomrs 

[Guest]

Mami - I'm sorry you have to go through this.

My 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, was killed in an ATV accident four months ago on August 9, 2009. 

Your words of grief and sorrow and regret were my very words the first few days, weeks, too. 

Three days.  Your son left this physical plain just three days ago.  I am convinced, however, his spirit is very close to you and your other son right now. 

There is no way to make this easier.  Please be gentle with yourself.  Allow your friends to help if you can.  And, reach out to us when you are able.

God bless you and your other son.  I'm so sorry for your loss!  So very sorry!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

ANDREWS MOMMY

IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS..OF YOUR DEAR SON....IM SO SORRY YOUR HERE WITH US ON THIS PAGE AND ANOTHER YOUNG ANGEL HAS BEEN TAKEN WAY WAY TO SOON...BUT I AM GLAD YOU HAVE FOUND US..

IF IT WASNT FOR THIS BI PAGE AND THESE WONDERFUL PPL ON HERE I WOULD HAVE JUMPED BY NOW....PLZ RETURN AND SPLILL IT ALL OR CRY OR YELL OR EVEN LAUGH WITH US IT DOES HELP I PROMISE...

IM HERE BECAUSE MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER/BEST FRIEND KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL DIED FROM A BRAIN TUMOR SHE WAS 21 AND JUST GOT MARRIED AND FOUND IT JUST WEEKS B3 IT "BURST" AND SHE NEVER SPOKE AGAIN BUT WAS WITH US IN THE HOSP AND NURSING HOME FOR 7MO AND 2 DAYS...TIL SHE DIED JUE 17 2008....AND SO DID I....

[andrewsmother]

Thank you for your very kind words.  My son's viewing was on Wednesday, over 200 people showed up.  It was the  most beautiful tribute to a life I have ever seen.  It touched my heart to see so many people there to help us and support us, people I hadn't seen in years.  His friends were so very wonderful, kids are so passionate, almost everyone of them spoke of him.  We all cried together.  The kids made a beautiful video of my son that included beatles music (his favorite).  When "Hey Jude" came along everyone sang along...that was his favorite song.  Yesterday was my son's burial, I had not had the courage to see him but I felt I had to so I did.   I have never had to do anything harder in my life, I saw my dead son in his coffin, wearing the clothes I had bought him for Christmas and was never able to give him.  It just hit me there that he was really gone...he was so cold, I can't shake the image of him lying in that coffin.  I told him how much I love him and how much I miss him and asked him to ask God to give us strength, for me and for his little brother.  I had him buried in a moselium...I can't stand the thought of having him on the ground.  It was a beautiful service and again everyone started singing Hey Jude as they put him in his final resting place.  I have lost 6 pounds since Saturday...I just don't know how to go on....My heart hurts soooo much.  My son Chris friend Nicole said she heard him the other night, she said he told her to take care of Chris for him.  I believe he's sending us a sign.  My son died December 19th at 3:15 am, I'm on Facebook and so are all his friends and many of mine.  On November 19th at 3:15 pm my son Andrew requested that I confirm my relationship to him as his mother which I did.  On Monday when I went to check my facebook page on my blackberry, the most incredible thing happened.  All the entries after November 18th had been erased, my very last entry was 11/18/09 at 3:15, Andrew Gonzalez listed you as his mother on Facebook.  Everything from November 18th to December 22nd magically dissappeared.  I have attached a picture of Andrew, my little Angel will be spending his first Christmas in Heaven.  Rosie

[mikesmomrs]

Tears for you, prayers for you...the love that Andrew has for you will live forever, as will your love for him.  May the peace that is the meaning of this season, settle into your heart, if only for a moment at a time, and bring you sweet memories of your beloved son to comfort you through these days.

love and peace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

[calebsmomma]

I am so sorry you are having to live the nightmare that we all do. My story is very similar to yours...I lost my 1st born son Caleb, Dec 19, 2007 and he was 19 years old, in a vehicle accident. I'm praying for your strength and sending you love. Its hard and right now you are so raw and in shock. I know most of what you hear will sound like cliche' and they are but they are also true...There is no right or wrong in how we deal with this..whatever works best for you and your family is what is best.

If you ever need someone to talk to in this journey. leave me a message and I'll be glad to talk to you. For right now, breathe and take one second at a time.

Carmen

[andrewsmother]

Thank you for the comforting words.  Carmen do you realize our children passed on the same day and they were the same age?  Can you please tell me what happens next?  How do you go back to work?  I can't even fanthom the idea.  What about Holidays?  Have you been able to celebrate Christmas anymore after having your child die so close to the date?  Also I feel like I'm obsessed with my other child Chris, I don't want him to leave the house, I'm so scared that something will happen to him, has anyone else experienced this?  It is so soon for me, I know but I wonder if these fears will subside.  I feel like I've been spending the last 5 days just looking a pictures of my son, I'm almost obsessed, nothing brings me any relief except just looking at his pictures.  I even downloaded his favorite beatles song as my cell's ringtone.  Am I going crazy?  Will this pass?  Has anyone else ever experienced this?  Its Christmas Eve and I'm in bed at 6 pm just pouring over my son's pictures and going over all of his writings on Facebook.  I feel like I'm loosing my mind.  For those of you that are able to have some sense of serenity today may you have a Merry Christmas.  I've never been much of a religious person but I have to believe that my son is in Heaven and is now an Angel, any other perspective would just be to difficult to bear...so I choose to believe!  Many blessings to all and our little angels.

[kekoasmom]

To Andrews Mom:

Hello, my name is Pattie, Kekoasmom. I'm so very very sorry to hear about Andrew. It's so unbelievably tragic when our children die. It's just not supposed to be this way. Your son is beautiful. Thanks for posting the photo! My grieving is too new for me to be of any help but I hope you find the wonderful people here, and their children, helpful. I know I did.

My beautiful son, my only child, was killed last month on November 12, while transporting his motorcycle home after purchasing a car not 10 minutes earlier, so that he wouldn't have to ride his bike anymore. He just had to get the motorcycle home to pick up the car. He never made it. He was 23 years old.

Are you crazy to download his favorite song? In my opinion, you're absolutely not. I'm printing every photo I can find, I'm looking for movies we made of him. I'm looking for his voice, his face, his music. I haven't disconnected his cell phone from our service because I need to hear his voice. I believe this is how grieving is, clinging on to whatever we can that was our child's. And it is so new, particularly for you. It took me weeks to find this place, and you've done so in just days. As you've seen, the people here are wonderful.  Take care of yourself and cry as much as you need or want. That is what I was told to do, and that is what I've been doing. I take my days one minute at a time.

I've printed Chris' facebook page and myspace page, and send him messages. I'm glad your son had a facebook page, too. It's been quite helpful for me to visit his page and read his words. It's been helpful to send him messages, too.

Will this pass? I have to believe that at some point there will be a positive light somewhere. I believe this because our children wouldn't want it any other way. Their souls need our souls to rest, be at peace, and find joy again. It will be hard work, I think, but I think it will happen. For me, it won't happen now. I will look to the future for that. Reading other parent's posts here gives me great solace in looking forward. Their courage and words of support are very helpful.

I believe Andrew is in a very good place, as is my Chris and all the other wonderful young souls that left this life too early. Andrew, Chris, the other angels from this site, they are all on a new journey, a very beautiful one I believe. I'm not religious but I am spiritual. I have never known whether the soul continues after death until Chris died. Now I know that it does. I believe this in my heart, and I was a skeptic before.

In his accident Chris' heart stopped twice but they were able to revive it. However, this can be very damaging on it and they needed to test it to see if they could donate it. They did an EEG and gave us some still photos of his heart during the test. In the photo they said was the worst shot of the heart, in the bottom left side, was a face which I saw immediately. It only took a second for me to see it. It was my son, Chris. His hairline was there, strong chin, mouth, nose, face shaped just like Chris, even neck and same dark t-shirt. All I could think was, "there you are little bug."  Then I couldn't believe what I was seeing and showed the photo to my husband, who saw him instantly. Then I put it away and in my grief thought I'd lost it. I was heart broken. I found it when we got back home (Chris died in San Diego and we live in Colorado), scanned it and sent it to his girlfriend. Without saying anything or explaining that anything was in the photo, she also saw him instantly. I believe he meant for the 3 of us to see him there, and be comforted knowing that his spirit lived on. He put his image into a still photo of his heart. How can that be? I don't know but I believe what I saw. I have that EEG photo by my bed. I know Chris' wonderful spirit is in a good place, and so is Andrew. I believe that with all my heart and mind. Andrew is here, just not physically.

That you feel like your losing your mind, and that you can say it in words, speaks volumes about your inner strength, I believe. These are the same questions I have, and probably every one else here has now, or has had before.

If I had a 2nd child I would probably be doing exactly what you say you've been doing with your other son, Chris.

I started counseling a few weeks ago and it has helped tremendously. My husband goes with me.

I believe that we will emerge from this and that it will take time. I know I will never be the same, and I have no idea what person will emerge. I've referred to her as Pattie 2.0.  Pattie 1.0 died on November 12, 2009.

Peace to you, Andrews Mom!

Love,

Pattie, mother of Christopher Kekoa.

[Guest]

Hello Patti and Mami.

I'm new to this, too.  Just a few months ahead of both of you.  The first few weeks after Stephanie died, I looked at all her pictures and read her letters and her journal every day.  I read her obituary several times a day, every day.  And, I'm the one who wrote it.  

Just before I found Beyond Indigo I put it all away because I wasn't functioning.  I'm sure I don't have to explain to you both how NOT functioning I was.  I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.  I just cried.  Then I found this site.  Actually, my sister found it for me.

This site has helped me more than I can say. 

Pattie found Loss of an adult child.....I hope you'll visit there, too, Mami.  There are so many wonderful people who have traveled this horrible journey before us. 

Andrew is beautiful!!  So is your son, Pattie.  Now two beautiful, strong and powerful spirits surrounding you both with love, strength and guidance.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[bjsmom]

Dear Mami, my heart breaks to hear of the recent loss of your beautiful son Andrew. Your words say everything, a mirror image of what I myself am going through even now. My son's name is Bj, age 19, he was killed instantly in an auto accident at 12:15am on 11/09/08. He had a female(friend) passenger in his car with him, she survived the wreck and is doing good now. Even though it's been a little over a year, time seems to stand still. I honestly barely remember 2009, it seems like such a blur and feels like it was just yesterday that I saw my son. Everything in my life has since changed, nothing is the same. From day one I could not believe that this happened to my firstborn, that this could happen to my little family. I also have 2 younger sons & a loving husband who have helped me from my zombie state, without them I don't know what I would do. But, when death touches your family, all kinds of worries enter your mind that you never thought of before. I have thought of that night a million times in my head; why him, why this way, why not me instead. His life was coming together, it was just beginning, he was a freshman in junior college and he had the world at his fingertips only for all this to be ripped away so violently. He absolutely loved his life, loved his college days, if only for the 3 short months he attended. Life now is just day to day, some better than others but still my heart yearns to see him again. The worst part is that you actually don't die from the pain & tears, your heart keeps beating even though you feel nothing. I miss my son so much, miss his voice and the familiar way he called me "momma". I have often asked myself, why would God allow in us, this much love for another, if only they were to be taken away so quickly? There are no answers, only hope, to see him again when it's my time. May you find some sense of peace.

My thoughts & sincere condolences,

Deneace (BjsMom)

[Kelly]

Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.- Facebook and Twitter Integration- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it. - Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible. 

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other. 

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family