Recurring dreams (nightmares?)

[Danny B]

Hello, my name is Daniel, I'm from Ohio and this is my first post. I guess I'm just trying to find others that are dealing with the pain that I am still going through... I keep having these vivid and recurring dreams about being with mom back at the nursing home and I usually wake up with my pillow soaked in tears... It's affecting my everyday life,  I don't have much energy or ambition anymore it seems... Always so tired. Anyways my mother died June of 2013, I held her hand as she slipped away... She waited until me and my daughter arrived I think before she crossed over...  She opened her eyes briefly and tried to talk but was, too weak... Complications from diabetes took her. Losing my dad in 2008 was rough but losing my mom about destroyed me. That's all for now... 

[sophiapetrillo]

Hi Danny,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I lost my mom 3 weeks ago and "about destroyed me" seems about right.  I haven't had any dreams about her yet since she died, but she was sick for a long time and I used to have those kinds of nightmares - that she was dying in front of me and I couldn't save her.

I hope being here helps you...

[Lu Blue]

Hi Danny,

I have struggled a lot with nightmares since my mum's death in 2014. I dream that she is dying but not dead yet, though I know her death is coming, and I just relive that trauma. Sometimes I dream that she is alive and she has been in some other country somewhere and that's where she's been all this time, and I feel confused but happy. Then I think about how I saw her die and I realise it's not true, then I wake up, and the happiness is crushed. It is cruel. I realise that I will never have the same potential for happiness in my life after her death as I had before. She was my best friend who I spoke to every day and the best person I ever knew. I have no siblings and my dad continues to be as emotionally distant as he's ever been. She died of a rare and quick illness, that was failed to be diagnosed in time despite her going to the doctor's several times about it. This hole in my life drags me into lonliness every day. I think about her all day, and I can't sleep at night because she is in my dreams. I quit my job a month ago because I was too tired and depressed. I try to keep busy, living rent free at my dad's, but I know I need to get a job again and try again at life, but it's so hard.

I am sorry to be so heavy, just thought this was an appropriate place to offload, and I felt I could open up here because you have a similar 'grief symptom' to me.

Take care of yourself,

Lu x