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Death of Cat- can't think straight


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Hi everyone,

On the Monday just past, I had to get my cat Henry put down. Henry adopted me when I bought my house a couple of years ago. He had left behind by his previous owners- malnourished, ill treated and alone. Being the animal lover that I am, I decided to take him in, he needed to be coaxed at first- but soon became the most loving, gentle and placid animal. He was a tom though, so he wandered unless kept inside- and seemed to get in a few scraps every now and then.

Henry had been sick when I first found him. In the beginning, I didn't realise how ill he was- it was only after a chest infection last year that I discovered he had Feline AIDS and was pretty much prone to sickness at every possibility. I read that I could keep him well though, despite having AIDS and he continued to be healthy for many, many months. He gained weight and was doing well.

Last Monday, I decided to take the next step and get him desexed. This seemed logical enough, he'd wander less and possibly go less 'crazy' around cat season. The operation went well- but after a few days of having him home he started dripping urine everywhere, all over the house- he was also agitated. I waited until the weekend to take him to the vet- at which they said he had a serious bladder infection and that he'd need an operation and a catheter inserted. I went ahead with this.

On the Sunday it was reported to me that he was doing well- he just had to urinate on his own. I believed that he'd be okay, knowing this, but it clearly wasn't the case.

Monday came and the vet said that Henry still hadn't urinated on his own. She gave me the option of inserting another catheter but she was neither here nor there about whether he'd recover. This left me floundering about what I could do. I hate that the vet was not specific about his health. I absolutely hate it, despite her being so caring toward me and my cat. She wasn't specific about what I should do- and I'd never been put in such an insane position. I had no idea what to think.

I went to see Henry that afternoon at the vet with my boyfriend- I don't know how I feel about this particular memory. I can only describe myself at the time as hysterical. Crying into Henry's fur as I stroked him and told him I loved him. He'd nuzzle at my hands and try and come to me. My boyfriend and I both couldn't stop crying. I've never ever felt a pain like it. I want to feel that this is a good memory, that I got to pat Henry, have him be that affectionate animal that I knew so well- yet, all I wanted, all I yearned for was to have him at home with me. Sitting on my lap, on my shoulder, wherever he used to lie- I had to stop myself from yanking him out of the cage and running away. I feel like I'm going to be sick every time I think about it.

My boyfriend, as did several of my family members believed that it would be best to put Henry down. In a way I agreed also, but couldn't (and still can't) help but think he could have had a chance. Even if it was small. My boyfriend helped me decide on the day- but I feel like I was rushed into my decision and that the vet was never clear enough about whether he'd make a recovery. She kept reminding me that that this cycle of things not working could continue- and that only some cats recovered if they kept pressing. Despite knowing he was in pain, I'm absolutely devastated by my choice. My 'What if''s are endless- "What if we'd tried another catheter? Kept him in one more night? What if I hadn't got him desexed...would the infection still have happened?"

I feel completely and utterly gutted. I hate being around my house now. I hate seeing areas where he should be. I hate not having him on my bed at night and not being able to feed or pat him. He was the most loving animal- he'd wait for me on my front fence to get home- follow me constantly, like a little shadow. He almost seemed to know when I was sad- he'd cuddle up to me as close as he could and press his head against mine. He only ever showed love- he just wanted to love everyone. He had a dog's personality- not a typical cats.

How can I go on if I still believed there was a chance he'd live? How will I get over my grief if all I feel is guilt? All I wanted was to have him at home and now all I have left is gut wrenching feelings. I'm hating my life at the moment.

I am numb, I've run out of tears. I'm running on little sleep and little food- I have never been in such a perfect hell.

Please, I need help, I need to talk to someone, anyone, about this.

Erin

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dear erin, your story of your henry is very similar to that of my mocha. he found us, came into our home. i've never neutered him ; he doesn' t spray or do anything bad, just follows me around the house and is the most doglike cat i've ever seen. i previously owned a russian blue and they are prone to urinary crystalization. that vet wanted me to put kitsa down and i refused. i pumped a lot of money into kitsa, the russian blue - he needed catheterization twice, special diet. but he survived until last year when he too was finally put to sleep for other health and age related issues. so now i have just Mocha who i adore. What and who i adored just as much was my husband of ten years who died two months ago, this day. Jerry. I suppose this is cross posting but perhaps it will give you some perspective and hope about your situation. Trust me, as much as I adore my kitty, i loved jerry in a totally different way. I am crying as i write this because i understand your pain of loss, animals are just as attaching as humans. Do not let anyone tell you not to grieve, it is important that you do. I found hope here at this website to get through the last two months. I understand your lack of sleep and lack of eating. me too. it is all part of a normal grieving process which i've now read a lot about. in my opinion, don't let anyone try and do the 'now now , it'll be okay" stuff because for a while, it won't. i have endured two months of hell. As for your guilt, i can only suggest it but you should not guilt yourself. i did and it got me nowhere. i am still guilting myself that i could've done something to save jerry who i found unresponsive the morning , in bed, of july 5 2012. the best advice i've received is to cry my tears out wholeheartedly. they'll pop up at a moment's notice. and believe me, i've cried. this website, which i am glad you found, helps me tremendously. the chat room is excellent talk therapy. I wish you peace in your journey of grief and i hope i helped you a little bit today, as others have helped me along my path, love, val

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Hi everyone,

On the Monday just past, I had to get my cat Henry put down. Henry adopted me when I bought my house a couple of years ago. He had left behind by his previous owners- malnourished, ill treated and alone. Being the animal lover that I am, I decided to take him in, he needed to be coaxed at first- but soon became the most loving, gentle and placid animal. He was a tom though, so he wandered unless kept inside- and seemed to get in a few scraps every now and then.

Henry had been sick when I first found him. In the beginning, I didn't realise how ill he was- it was only after a chest infection last year that I discovered he had Feline AIDS and was pretty much prone to sickness at every possibility. I read that I could keep him well though, despite having AIDS and he continued to be healthy for many, many months. He gained weight and was doing well.

Last Monday, I decided to take the next step and get him desexed. This seemed logical enough, he'd wander less and possibly go less 'crazy' around cat season. The operation went well- but after a few days of having him home he started dripping urine everywhere, all over the house- he was also agitated. I waited until the weekend to take him to the vet- at which they said he had a serious bladder infection and that he'd need an operation and a catheter inserted. I went ahead with this.

On the Sunday it was reported to me that he was doing well- he just had to urinate on his own. I believed that he'd be okay, knowing this, but it clearly wasn't the case.

Monday came and the vet said that Henry still hadn't urinated on his own. She gave me the option of inserting another catheter but she was neither here nor there about whether he'd recover. This left me floundering about what I could do. I hate that the vet was not specific about his health. I absolutely hate it, despite her being so caring toward me and my cat. She wasn't specific about what I should do- and I'd never been put in such an insane position. I had no idea what to think.

I went to see Henry that afternoon at the vet with my boyfriend- I don't know how I feel about this particular memory. I can only describe myself at the time as hysterical. Crying into Henry's fur as I stroked him and told him I loved him. He'd nuzzle at my hands and try and come to me. My boyfriend and I both couldn't stop crying. I've never ever felt a pain like it. I want to feel that this is a good memory, that I got to pat Henry, have him be that affectionate animal that I knew so well- yet, all I wanted, all I yearned for was to have him at home with me. Sitting on my lap, on my shoulder, wherever he used to lie- I had to stop myself from yanking him out of the cage and running away. I feel like I'm going to be sick every time I think about it.

My boyfriend, as did several of my family members believed that it would be best to put Henry down. In a way I agreed also, but couldn't (and still can't) help but think he could have had a chance. Even if it was small. My boyfriend helped me decide on the day- but I feel like I was rushed into my decision and that the vet was never clear enough about whether he'd make a recovery. She kept reminding me that that this cycle of things not working could continue- and that only some cats recovered if they kept pressing. Despite knowing he was in pain, I'm absolutely devastated by my choice. My 'What if''s are endless- "What if we'd tried another catheter? Kept him in one more night? What if I hadn't got him desexed...would the infection still have happened?"

I feel completely and utterly gutted. I hate being around my house now. I hate seeing areas where he should be. I hate not having him on my bed at night and not being able to feed or pat him. He was the most loving animal- he'd wait for me on my front fence to get home- follow me constantly, like a little shadow. He almost seemed to know when I was sad- he'd cuddle up to me as close as he could and press his head against mine. He only ever showed love- he just wanted to love everyone. He had a dog's personality- not a typical cats.

How can I go on if I still believed there was a chance he'd live? How will I get over my grief if all I feel is guilt? All I wanted was to have him at home and now all I have left is gut wrenching feelings. I'm hating my life at the moment.

I am numb, I've run out of tears. I'm running on little sleep and little food- I have never been in such a perfect hell.

Please, I need help, I need to talk to someone, anyone, about this.

Erin

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lawnranger

Hello all, I new here. I've been on the other forum for loss of a partner. My wife passed on 8.27.2012. But my problem is her cat. He always slept with her thur her 5 years of illnesses. When I was at work he kept her company and would comfort her. Now my wife gone, and he's lost his partner too. He's not eating and getting really thin. He's AWAYS used the litter box. Now I smell pee in the basement. He can barely meow. I know he's getting weak. I don't know what to do.He's old and I know he'll be gone also. I'm still going thru the guilt of turning the ventilor off for my wife who had perment brain damage. How can I take her cat and have him put down so soon after my wife passed. I'll feel like it my fault my wife passed and then I go and kill her cat. I can't go thur this. I feel like she would look donw on me and be mad. Alone and confused...........

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Erin

Its ok...You did the best you could at the time. When we get Pets we know we only have so much time with them and we love them so much they become our family. When it is time to put them to sleep we feel resentful, blame ourselves and feel guilt. We shouldn't as we are doing the best thing for the pet. We had a cat Ali we rescued at 4 weeks old. Someone tried to drown her. Well Ali was everything to our family. When she turned 5 she started acting wierd and biting my husbands knee. This went on for years until a lump appeared. My husband had cancer of the knee. When my husband came home from surgery Ali started to get really sick. She was fading away. Ray made a full recovery and the stronger he got the weaker Ali became. Finally Ali was diagnosed with Cancer and no treatment was available. We made her comfortable at home. A few months later she went into the bathroom and just laid down. We knew it was time. When we put her to sleep we wept for weeks and months. She was such a part of our lives. My husband died a few months ago but one thing is for sure Ali died in a much better, kinder way than my husband did. Have good thoughts about Henry and time will show you how kind and thoughtful you were for what you did. In any death Erin we all do the "what if I did this" or " maybe I should have tried that". Deep down we know we do the best we can at that particular time.

After Ali died I didn't get another cat for 2 years but I rescued another one Moe and he is 4. Named Moe after the Simpsons character because he is feral and wild but loved my husband. Since my husband died he has turned into a loving cat and I would be lost without him.

Cry erin as often and as loud as you need to and one day or night you will think I did my best and Henry had such a better life than so many other cats out there.

Take care

x

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Erin,

I know exactly how you feel. I just put my cat down this Saturday. The guilt is killing me. I feel so depressed that I didn't ask enough questions at the Vet. I didn't wait for my usual Vet to come in this week. I didn't prod the vet to do everything in his power to save my little cat.

The hardest part is thinking that I didn't do enough to help her. She was never sick before. She just suddenly became sick and the Dr. suggested putting her down, and I decided that it was the right thing to do as well. But, what if I would have told the Dr. to do everything in his power to save her? Would she still be here today?

That what if's are so hurtful. But, I have to keep reminding myself that she was sick. Cats are so good at hiding just how bad they feel. They will do everything to convince themselves and you that they are find, until the very end. But, they aren't living happy lives, they are just holding on. Sometimes I think that they hold on for our benefit, because they know how much we hurt when they leave us.

You did the right thing. We both did. A good parent knows that it isn't fair to let your cat continue to be in pain.

I am not a spiritual person, in fact I am an outspoken atheist. But, something inside me wants to believe that Ren and I will meet again. It is the only thing keeping me from feeling completely helpless.

I am currently reading a book called Ghost Cats by Dust Rainbolt to help me cope with the loss of my beautiful little girl. Although I have my doubts, it is helpful to hear stories of people who swear that were given one last chance at saying goodbye, by a visiting cat spirit. Maybe this will help you out too.

Don't beat yourself up over choosing to give your cat comfort, over a few more days, or weeks of pain. I'm right there with you if you need to keep talking.

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Friends,

I have endured 3 human deaths since July 2012 (best friend, father, and then brother). During the week our family had to take my brother off life support (late September)I was diagnosed with basal cell cancer (face) requiring some major surgery/repair. That too was a loss albeit healing is more of a psychological hurdle but it was a further test of my fortitude. (When it rains it does indeed pour.) I don’t mean to diminish these losses, but compared to the final test tossed my way.

On Oct 30th I found a large tumor (palate) on my 7 year old beloved feline, Peter Francis. Pete was an FIV+ rescue 5 years ago. My goal was to give him the best life possible—every day. Pete was my joy for getting up every day and coming home every night.

There is a long story to Pete’s oral tumor issues but I won’t belabor it here. I held his head in my hands for the last time on Nov 9th.

Bottom line, the pain of missing him HAD been compounded by guilt of euthanasia.

Sometimes I still run my 'justification' story thru my brain ad nauseam trying to alleviate my guilt. Did I do enough? What did I miss? What did my vet miss? Why? What could I have done differently? Did I make the right choice?

I’m not so sure we really expect answers to those questions because we appreciate the best choice is generally the right choice. When we chose even the most difficult, we do it out of our love and commitment to our companion’s faith and trust in us. After all, we did promise to keep them out of harms way.

Then I start the pleading with my big boy Pete, “trust me Pete, I did my best, please forgive me” and I ask him to "give me a sign I'm forgiven".

I believe they do in one way or another. Often we feel forgiveness in our hearts but we have so fallen into the quagmire of pain and guilt we discount what we feel. Sometimes our beloved come to us in our dreams in comforting images, or during waking hours we feel them near us. Still we discount what we experience. We say, it was only a dream, or I must have been feeling some vibrations or hearing something else or my eyes are playing tricks on me.

We ‘think’ too much when what we need is to feel. Love is energy, trust what you feel. Trust it and have faith in it. That is what brings you comfort. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Our companions loved us in life, why wouldn’t they love us on the other side of our life?

I offer my arm around your shoulder as you weep for your loss. Weep we must, it is healthy and healing. I believe the tincture of time does help soften our pain. And we need to be alert and trust our intuition or what we feel. As much as we want our hearts to mend, to have the wounds bound, leaving the heart open makes our emotions more receptive to healing. Loving each other is what makes us human, loving our companions is what keeps us human.

I loved Pete beyond words and he is missed beyond measure, but I have faith he is only beyond the veil of my life. And I believe I will see him, along with my other companions, when I too step over to the other side.

Peace and comfort to all who come here.

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Erin,

I had to put down 3 dogs, and have had cats as well. It is always painful to have to make that decision. He was loved while he was with you, and that is really what mattered. It sounds like his quality of life would probably not have been good. There are so many other cats that need your love and care, and I beleive that Henry would want you to take care of another. Not to replace him, but to enhance another cat's life. I wish you the best.-roxanne

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I am so grateful I found this website. I had my kitty girl euthanized 2 days ago because she was sick from feline leukemia. I'm in hell and could have written every word posted here. I'm too raw to share more right now, but I read these words & just knowing others feel this unspeakable guilt & pain has given me a glimmer of hope that I can heal. Thank you.

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abbeyssadmommyshay

So glad I found this fourm. I need to cry and scream ...to people who will understand My grief . I just had to put My 16 year old Female Tuxedo cat down a couple of Days ago. She suffered from Hyperthyroidism and the previous few Days had not been eating or drinking. She got Very weak and I knew I had to make the descion to let Her go. It killed Me inside and My feelings of guilt are tremendous . What if ...what if ....I can't think straight . I miss My baby so much . We had been threw so much Together . I feel as though it will never get better . Ive never cried so much in My Life . Everyone thinks I'm crazy for being this depressed over just a pet. To Me She was Family . I don't think I'll ever get over this. I'm going crazy.

Mommy misses You Abbey ! R.I.P fur Baby

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Sad"Sunday

Hi. I've recently experienced my own loss of a pet. My little prince, my beloved Blinky. A beautiful male cat of eighteen months, whom I found five days ago, at my porch, obviously hit and run by a car. His back leg broken, had a scar on his face, restless from pain and shock, I took him to the vet's immediately.

The vet examined him, operated on him as to tell me that apart from his obvious wounds ha had his interior organs smashed and couldn't stand a chance of surviving. I saw the blood pouring out from the incision, I wanted to get him out of his agony and pain, I followed the vet's advice and put him to sleep. I couldn't stand to watch anymore for so far, I was so certain we would be able to help him recover.

I took him home and buried him at my yard, not able to stop crying!

Still, I can't help to feel I betrayed him. He came to his home, seeking for help and I gave him death? I know, this was probably the best solution for him to be relieved, still...what if I told the doctor to keep on trying, to make any effort possible to help him, would he be alive by now or I would have just postponed the inevitable?

 

He's been with us growing up like a child, he was my joy, my angel, my love. So alive, so thirsty for life he was, this was unfair, this would have never happened.

I'm in great pain because he died in pain, so unnexpectadly, so cruel, and I hell feel guilty because I decided to  cut the string of his life instead of being able to help him remain alive.

 

Now, I can see him everywhere inside and outside the house, I can't stop thinking of him and I won't forget him, my little angel, my little child, my sweet prince.

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Heartlight

:( 

 

Hi Sad Sunday (and to every one on the thread)

 

I have great tears at your loss.  I have lost many kitties myself and having to make that decision is terrible, terrible, even when it is "for the best".  I put that in quotations because I know the turmoil within wondering "really, was it?"  All I know is that these little furry innocent creatures deserve the spot in our hearts that they get.  They deserve a place of greatness in all things heaven and earth.

 

I really have no words of comfort but for: I know.

 

Great, huge group hug to anyone who has ever experienced this, myself included.

 

<3

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Talk to me if u want. I lost my cat 2 years ago after a 9 month illness. For the first 6 months it wasnt so bad but now it is getting worse. There isnt a day that goes by that i dont wake up crying and go to bed crying. But it seems that crying is the only way to feel his presence. When i dont cry there is nothing but a horrible darkness. I guess this is what they call complicated greif. He was the king of cats. Everyone who saw him loved him. We humans are nothing compared to the magnificant creatures in nature. Will i get over this ? I dont know. All i know is my life has changed forever.

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My sistet died. My father died. I never went thru the hell im going thru over my cat. Its the unconditional love they bring. It is the purest love i have ever felt. It is the innocence the simple appreciation of being alive. We used to sit together under our favorite tree and just listen to the world go by together. No human has done that with me. I have other cats but they are morons compared to him. He was the pure love of god in a feline form. If i in any way let him down maybe i will end up in hell. Like they say wisdom comes too late to be of any use. A good freind of mine told be to stop thinking about it. Good advice but i am not as good at that as others are. All i know is i will eendure this. I am a believer. I have been thru hard times and then found myself in unexpected happiness years later. Keep pushing ahead. Our lives are not over. We have no choice but to carry on. What will be will be.

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My beautiful Son, the Prince of Kitties Blake died in my arms three weeks ago tonight.  He was my angel, the love of my life and we loved each other so much that I truly must say that I've never loved a human or other pet as much as I love my boy.  Blake was gorgeous.  He was a champion Maine Coon with sea foam green eyes.  His fur was as soft as down but more than his obvious beauty was the beauty of his soul.  He was my gentle giant.  My entire life revolved around my "Son" for 14 years.  He was 16 when he passed, (he was a show cat for a breeder before I got him away from all of that) and they tell me that is an old age for a Maine Coon but I cannot let him go.  My baby got a fibrosarcoma on his hard palate and I just don't know how they missed it!  He had his teeth cleaned one month prior to my discovering it and he had been to the Dr. for another small issue two weeks before!!  Why didn't "we" catch it in time??  He was everything to me.  I took him to U.C. Davis and they told me it was inoperable.  I researched 13 hours a day on the internet for a week before deciding and finding an alternative cancer therapy "Neoplasene"- which worked initially.  The tumor fell off.  He was improving and then stopped eating again.  They had him on a feeding tube for three months and I "fed" him five times a day for there months and never once left his side.  We did another round of Neoplasene on him and he just didn't make it... thank God he died in my arms. I just can't face the fact that he is not here with Mommy.  I spent all of my saving, $9,000 trying to keep my love alive.  I would do it all again for just one minute with my angel boy.  Blake, Mommy misses you so much.  I just don't feel like going on.  I just don't feel like I will ever be happy again.... I miss him so much.  I dream of him and tragedy at night.  I have insomnia.  I drink too much alcohol now to deal with all of this.  God, why was my baby, the one I love most in the world taken from his Mother??  Boy, Mommy loves you so....

post-395774-0-92363900-1404093541_thumb.

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We had to put Tigger down over a year ago.  My husband got Tigger 5 years before we got married.  That cat was his best friend.  I got to be a part of the family for 4 years and then Tigger was diagnosed with heart problems.  I totally understand the child feeling for a pet.  I have had pet feelings before for animals, but for the first time I had a four legged child.  
 
It was heartbreaking for my husband who had Tigger for almost 10 years.  Tigger slept beside him at night... for most nights anyway.  What made it bad for me... Tigger was put down on the fifth anniversary of my Dad's passing.  A date that was sad for me for five years... now became doubly sad.  We had a painful and tearful choice to make, but decided that it was better for Tigger to let him go.  My husband told me he couldn't watch Tigger go, so I chose to be with Tigger and the vet when the injection was given.  Tigger died in my arms. 

 

I find encouragement reading all the stories shared in this thread... Because Tigger was a cat, there wasn't much acknowledgement for his loss from a whole lot of people.  The Vet clinic was awesome in how they handled everything.  They understood that grief is real... even with animals.  

 

We did move on... We adopted a couple of tabbies last year.  They are a beautiful addition to our family.  We have pictures of Tigger all over the house.  He is still very much missed.  

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20 years ago my husband died suddenly leaving me with 3 children to raise.  My youngest was 8 so I thought a little kitten would help him through the grieving loss of his dad.  Simba became a part of our family when he was 6 weeks old and my hope of a great bonding between him and my son was perfect.  As years went on Simba and my son were never to far apart.  He slept under the covers with my son and every morning when my son left for school or work Simba would walk around the house crying Ray Ray..which is my sons name.  Saturday was my sons 28th birthday and we celebrated at the beach..on our way home my son said he bought a gift for samba but forgot to give it to him in the morning..they shared birthdays.  When my son went into his room that night after his birthday at the beach he found Simba lifeless on the floor.  He was breathing but could not stand and we rushed him to a animal hospital where they gave us 3 options, put him to sleep, keep him for a few days and run a bunch of test, or just give him some fluids and a antibiotic and see what happens?  We let them give him fluids and took him home because the Vet was not very compassionate and seemed annoyed at us for taking up his time so no way were we leaving him there and no way were we putting him to sleep on my sons birthday..so in tears we left and went home and the next day samba was no better..he ate and drank some cat milk but my son had to hold him to feed him. Around 3:00 that afternoon as Simba layed on a blanket not moving we made the decision to bring him into a different animal hospital that thank God was opened till 5:00. When we got there they scooped Simba out of my sons arms and brought us into a room to wait.  When the Vet came in she said that Simba could have multiple different problems but she believes he had a stroke and being 20 years old it would be very dramatic for him to put him through a series of test.  She said he lost his quality of life and that we needed to make a choice.  Of course we chose to put our Simba to rest.  Four sobbing adults held him and talked to him as they gave him the injections.  We have not stopped crying and I am worried about my son who at 28 years old is a total mess over this and wont even sleep in his room.  He was a member of our family, a brother to my son and another son to me.  I know time heals all wounds but this is so difficult.  I thought of going to get another kitten and just start over loving another pet but that won't work right now..that pet will never be our Simba : (

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silversmommy

I just had to put my kitten of 4 months,Silver, to sleep. He got hit in the head with a shoe. He seemed fine fot awhile. But when we woke up his whole body was stiff but his eyes were wide open. He was still breathing but he was having back to back seizures. We took him to the vet but they told us that unless we could invest thousands of dollars into treatment, there was nothing that they could do. His brain had swollen up too much. We finally took him to the SPCA for a second opinion and they said the same thing. My heart is so broken. I have only had him for 4 months but he was my little sidekick. I've never dealt with or seen anything happen like this before. I couldn't stop crying on the way to the vet and the SPCA. I'm glad that he's not suffering anymore but I never thought that I would lose him so soon. :'(

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I'm so thankful to find this site. Today I had to say goodbye to the best cat I have ever known. I'm sure those of you in this site know the pain I'm experiencing. I'm just devastated. My "pecky" had a great life, I just miss him.

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I just had to put Tazzy down. Best cat, and one of the best friends I have ever had. After 12 wonderful years, I will miss you dearly my friend, but I take peace in knowing you won't suffer anymore.

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It has been over a year for me . . . but at the time, in my grief, I wrote a poem at Lightning's graveside.

There wasn't time to take him in to put him down . . . he took his last breath in my arms.  I held him a long time.

 

I do not write regularly these days, but I am a pro musician and have written a lot of songs in the past . . . and a couple of days later, also solely to try and deal with my grief, with no intent to do so, the poem became a little song, a requiem for my lost friend . . . 

Not selling or promoting anything here . . . but if it can be of use to anyone, it can be found here . . . .

 

White Lightning (requiem for a little lion) - YouTube

 

As a pro musician, I have always written tunes with the intent of entertainment or some commitment to communicate something, to create something marketable, even when writing something that is personal to me . . . this one was different.  It is personal in a way that none of the rest are, and with no other agenda than me saying goodbye to my dear friend.

 

It seems we all know that the pain fades, but somehow that knowledge is so remote that it does not seem to help in the throes of grief . . . . like a storm, we just weather it as best we can.

 

I think it may have been Ray Charles who sang, "I might get better, but I'll never get well".

 

Strength and Light to everyone . . . .

 

Namaste

 

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An Odd-Eyed Turkish Angora, with one very yellow and one very blue eye.

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Yesterday, I lost my bestfriend,my brother, my everything. He died from Kidney failure or Urethral blockage, he had a painful death and all I could do is to cry while listening to his last breath. My heart is broken. I am in great pain and grief. But atleast he's not suffering now. You'll be missed,my buddy, I'll never forget you.

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I'm so sorry. I do understand.  How do you feel now after this time has passed? 

 

I lost my Isis 2 years ago. November 26, 2012 and still grieve for her. She was 19 and was with me through my darkest hours. Helped me through the grief of my husbands death, "who was the love of my life" 12 years ago. It was just the two of us Isis and I for so long until I remarried. My new husband fell in love with her and cried as much as I did when we lost her. Confiding in me that he had never loved a pet as much as he loved her. 

 It hurts and grief like this is not something one ever gets over. We just get through it with our fond memories. 

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I just lost my beloved cat Ichiro to lymphoma. I had to put him to sleep. I miss him so much. In the end, I feel guilty that I held on to him a little longer when he was suffering. I know he is in peace now. I will forever love him as he loved me unconditionally for last 10 years.

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HelenPhillips17

I lost my Kitty this evening, my neighbor accidentally drove over her,  my heart is broken and I feel like its being ripped from my chest, this pain and loss I am feeling is indescribable I feel like this is just a horrible nightmare, my baby is gone

 

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ladyraven487

7 years ago I found a kitten on the side of the road and took him home and bottle fed him for a few weeks and nursed him back to health, that black dirty kitten turned mostly white, last tuesday I applied Seargent's Silver tick and flea spray for cats on him and Cubby was fine till the next morning, needless to say I washed him off and used lots of baby shampoo on him to rid him of the spray,even after my attemps to save him and get him to eat or drink he still threw up foam and bile and died a few hours later, I found 586 complaints on said product with 98% of them resulting in the cats deaths and I feel so guilty for useing that spray on him, I stayed with him till the end and when he took his last breath I screamed my pain of his loss, I can't stop thinking about cubby, I see him in my mind and if I hear a cat on tv that makes a similar meow like the one when he was dying I lose it and break down and cry. I'm so lonely without him, he was like a son to me, I raised him as my own and he followed me everywhere and stayed away from other people. I can't find it in my heart to find another cat to give my heart to, I just can't be destroyed over another loss. Cubby has the nicest grave though, my fiancee and our 6 year old daughter surrounded it with stones and in the center is seashells our daughter collected from the ocean just for his grave and of course lovely flowers. Everytime I think on him I cry and being pregnant with baby number two is not helping, I know I should focus on that he isn't suffering anymore and is in a better place but I miss him so much, my heart is shattered, he was more than a mere cat and pet, he was adored and family and I will always love him. Shame on Seargents for not taking that poison off the shelves in the store knowing very well it causes animal poisoning yet they want the money so its ok for them.

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Stratton2mz

I'm so thankful to find this site. Today I had to say goodbye to the best cat I have ever known. I'm sure those of you in this site know the pain I'm experiencing. I'm just devastated. My "pecky" had a great life, I just miss him.

I feel your pain. A vet is coming to our house in 3 days to send Cort to a better place. When does the crying stop? I am so sad. She was my best friend. I feel so bad for letting her get to this point. I love you Cort.

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Stratton2mz

My beautiful Son, the Prince of Kitties Blake died in my arms three weeks ago tonight. He was my angel, the love of my life and we loved each other so much that I truly must say that I've never loved a human or other pet as much as I love my boy. Blake was gorgeous. He was a champion Maine Coon with sea foam green eyes. His fur was as soft as down but more than his obvious beauty was the beauty of his soul. He was my gentle giant. My entire life revolved around my "Son" for 14 years. He was 16 when he passed, (he was a show cat for a breeder before I got him away from all of that) and they tell me that is an old age for a Maine Coon but I cannot let him go. My baby got a fibrosarcoma on his hard palate and I just don't know how they missed it! He had his teeth cleaned one month prior to my discovering it and he had been to the Dr. for another small issue two weeks before!! Why didn't "we" catch it in time?? He was everything to me. I took him to U.C. Davis and they told me it was inoperable. I researched 13 hours a day on the internet for a week before deciding and finding an alternative cancer therapy "Neoplasene"- which worked initially. The tumor fell off. He was improving and then stopped eating again. They had him on a feeding tube for three months and I "fed" him five times a day for there months and never once left his side. We did another round of Neoplasene on him and he just didn't make it... thank God he died in my arms. I just can't face the fact that he is not here with Mommy. I spent all of my saving, $9,000 trying to keep my love alive. I would do it all again for just one minute with my angel boy. Blake, Mommy misses you so much. I just don't feel like going on. I just don't feel like I will ever be happy again.... I miss him so much. I dream of him and tragedy at night. I have insomnia. I drink too much alcohol now to deal with all of this. God, why was my baby, the one I love most in the world taken from his Mother?? Boy, Mommy loves you so....

I feel your pain. I am 3 days away from putting my 12 yr old Cort down. I hope she makes it till then. I am a 56 yr old male and. And can not stop crying. I already took the day off work. She is the best friend I have ever had. I too drink too much to deal with this. I know it's not the way to deal. I will miss him so much. Will the sadness go away?

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on wednesday 15th October 2014  i lost my best friend sydney the most unique cat to me he followed me everywhere if he was asleep if i got up he followed i could not even go to the toilet without him following such a bond he  talked all the time and i should have called him mr shut up . he was run over right outside my quiet cul du sac road with his sister right beside him the person was a neigbour in the next street taking a short cut and someone saw her but she  did not stop he died in my arms aged just 4 . the grief i feel is unbearable such a void and i have his sister constanly looking for him thank you for this forum i can write this x 

 

 

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carolann12345

I am so sorry that you lost your cat Sydney in such a tragic way.  We lost our much loved Snuffles when a neighbors dog killed him six year ago. I always think of him as he was such a loving cat.  Losing a pet is awful no matter what the circumstances are.  Animals love you unconditionally and it is an honor to share our,lives with a pet.  We have two boys Charlie our ginger lad and Harry our big tabby boy and we love them dearly but they were never replacements for Snuffles they are loved in their own right as it should be.  You still have so much love to give to animals grieve for poor Sydney but always remember not to feel ashamed that you do. 

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funky_sammyb

Hello all, I new here. I've been on the other forum for loss of a partner. My wife passed on 8.27.2012. But my problem is her cat. He always slept with her thur her 5 years of illnesses. When I was at work he kept her company and would comfort her. Now my wife gone, and he's lost his partner too. He's not eating and getting really thin. He's AWAYS used the litter box. Now I smell pee in the basement. He can barely meow. I know he's getting weak. I don't know what to do.He's old and I know he'll be gone also. I'm still going thru the guilt of turning the ventilor off for my wife who had perment brain damage. How can I take her cat and have him put down so soon after my wife passed. I'll feel like it my fault my wife passed and then I go and kill her cat. I can't go thur this. I feel like she would look donw on me and be mad. Alone and confused...........

Did anyone respond to you on this, lawnranger? Sometimes, unfortunately, cats do experience such grief that they make themselves terribly ill and there's no choice. I sincerely hope that your partner's cat improved but if he didn't, I'm sure you did all that you could. My thoughts are with you.

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"Can't think straight" is so appropriate to all of us i will believe. Had to put my dear Sarah to sleep on Oct 30, 2014 and I just looked at calendar and said to myself: "What happened to November?" I am hurt so badly to the depth and breadth of my heart and soul.  The story of my love Sarah and also of her sister,

Sasha. The sisters were brought to me by an angel and her friend in Oct of 2010. I dont' drive and they came 20 miles from Freehold NJ , I am in Beachwood, NJ.  She had found them together outside as

very young kittens and brought them to vet, had them spayed and then fostered them until an adoption.

I somehow got put in contact with her and her and a friend brought them  in to me and when we let them

out of their carriers they SPLIT! and they hid .. didn't see them during day for around 10 days. I could

hear them running and sliding on wood floors at 3AM and I saw them eating out the same dish .. Sarah

was the gentler one and she was first one to approach me.  Sasha was the wild child and I ended up losing her to the great outdoors..(this is a sad story too but didn't grieve for Sasha till just after I lost Sarah).. When I took her to hospital for that last horrible day, when I opened the carrier she just lay there on her left side with her little head against the towel.  You all know how healthy cats can't wait

to come out of the carriers!  The Doctor told me there was no hope so I agreed to put her to sleep.

The techs came and took her out and when they brought her back she had this purple cloth cuff on her

right leg ... it had this little red heart on it and two plastic things hanging off it, when they  put her on the

the cold metal table and I say this cuff , I knew it meant I would never see her in this life again.. and 

I BROKE down!!  can't write anymore.. God Bless you all. Hope this is coherent as I am not able to proof read. am attaching photo of them when they were 7 months old in Nov 2010 Sarah is in front, Sasha in rear... look at the expressions and you will see which one was the sweet one, and which one the wild child!

 

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I'm not quite sure how I found this site but having lost my beloved cat, Monty, yesterday I googled 'Grief from losing a Cat' and this site just appeared on my screen. And the messages on the site have helped a little so maybe my experience will similarly help someone somewhere. Monty was nearly 12 years old and he and his brother has been with us since birth. My wife and I have a large garden in a very safe area so it was totally out of the blue when 3 days ago we received a phone call from our local vet saying Monty had been hit by a car and a kind passerby had brought him in. Monty was in a pretty bad way but the vet hoped he could pull through so we said do whatever can be done. But the news over the next 36 hrs was not good. It's too painful to relate all his injuries but with the recommendation of the vet we had to accept it was kinder to put Monty to sleep. Yesterday Monty died in my arms and I buried him in our garden in a sunny spot lying on his favorite cushion. And I feel so guilty and I've never felt such grief or cried so much. I haven't slept much over the last 3 days and have to guard against turning to alcohol to dull the pain. I know rationally that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the accident but emotionally as a man used to taking responsibility for the family's welfare I still feel such guilt. I can't help but feel there must have been something I could have done to prevent the accident; I find myself continually saying to Monty that I'm sorry I didn't help; I feel guilty that I'm upsetting my wife by showing my distress which I can't disguise; and I feel guilty that I might still be subdued when we spend Christmas in 4 days with my son and my grandchildren thereby spoiling their enjoyment. But what can I do except focus on the good life Monty had for 12 years and the fond memories that we have of our time together. I know I have to find a way through this pain and this site has shown me that others have had similar issues and this helps a little. Right now it is hard and raw but I have to assume the time is the great healer. If you are reading this after suffering a similar loss I know how you must feel and you have my most sincere sympathies.

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I lost my bailey 2 days ago due to heart failure.

He was 15 when he passed.

My partner and I awoke to noises I have never heard a cat make.

Shortness of breath,saliva at the mouth and within ten minutes the loss of his back legs and bowel control.

I phoned the emergency vet ,and told them I was bringing him in.

I went into the garage to get his carrier,on return the poor thing was trying to get down the stairs using only his front legs.

My heart was broken when I picked him up ,kissed him on the head and placed him in his carrier.

my partner and I then rushed him to the vet, who examined him.

I was ushered into a side room to be told the obvious bad news.

I pleaded for the vet to put my bailey to sleep at once.

He was in a lot of pain and I thank god we were there at the time.

Had we have been at work his suffering could have gone on for hours.

im a 52 year old man ,and I feel better for finding this forum and sharing my grief.

I have cried for 2 days now, why?.

why would a grown man cry over a cat when:-

He always wakes me up an hour before I have to.

he cries to go out ,when I open doors he just sat there looking out.

he cried for food he didn't want ,when served.

every time on the computer he would stand right in front of me demanding fuss.

The answer is , I now realise he was my best friend and I miss him loads.

My heart goes out to all of you sharing your loss,and I feel better now sharing my experience with fellow cat lovers

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I'm not quite sure how I found this site but having lost my beloved cat, Monty, yesterday I googled 'Grief from losing a Cat' and this site just appeared on my screen. And the messages on the site have helped a little so maybe my experience will similarly help someone somewhere. Monty was nearly 12 years old and he and his brother has been with us since birth. My wife and I have a large garden in a very safe area so it was totally out of the blue when 3 days ago we received a phone call from our local vet saying Monty had been hit by a car and a kind passerby had brought him in. Monty was in a pretty bad way but the vet hoped he could pull through so we said do whatever can be done. But the news over the next 36 hrs was not good. It's too painful to relate all his injuries but with the recommendation of the vet we had to accept it was kinder to put Monty to sleep. Yesterday Monty died in my arms and I buried him in our garden in a sunny spot lying on his favorite cushion. And I feel so guilty and I've never felt such grief or cried so much. I haven't slept much over the last 3 days and have to guard against turning to alcohol to dull the pain. I know rationally that there was nothing I could have done to prevent the accident but emotionally as a man used to taking responsibility for the family's welfare I still feel such guilt. I can't help but feel there must have been something I could have done to prevent the accident; I find myself continually saying to Monty that I'm sorry I didn't help; I feel guilty that I'm upsetting my wife by showing my distress which I can't disguise; and I feel guilty that I might still be subdued when we spend Christmas in 4 days with my son and my grandchildren thereby spoiling their enjoyment. But what can I do except focus on the good life Monty had for 12 years and the fond memories that we have of our time together. I know I have to find a way through this pain and this site has shown me that others have had similar issues and this helps a little. Right now it is hard and raw but I have to assume the time is the great healer. If you are reading this after suffering a similar loss I know how you must feel and you have my most sincere sympathies.

Hello there,

 

My name is Sonya. I read your post and my heart ached for you. I am so sorry for your loss. You lost your cat one day before I lost my 14 year old tabby. I googled cat grief websites when I got home, looking for some comfort, after experiencing more guilt and pain than I ever thought I would. Our cat was a family pet, she spent time with myself, my best friend/housemate and his son. She started showing symptoms of illness about a week ago but we thought it was non-life threatening stuff like arthritis, which is what her vet had suspected when we took her in. Fast forward a week, and she was looking right through me when I'd speak to her, lethargic, and was presenting with wobbly legs when she'd walk. It was *so* scary and weird to see my once vivacious and determined cat who would go barreling past me just a week before, to this frail, wobbly dear soul. I took her to the emergency vet right away and they told me that she was doing horribly and that her prognosis was very poor. So, we brought her back home for one last afternoon with us, we said our goodbyes, and took her back that night. I didn't think I'd survive through it. I sat beside her and petted her, telling her nice things, and that she was loved and appreciated, until after she took her last breath. My family was proud of me and said they were glad that I was there for her. But, I still wish I could have done so much more. 

 

Now just about everything is reminding me of her. The guilt I'm feeling is horrible. Thinking of all I could have done if I'd only known she was ill earlier. But, she wasn't showing us any symptoms until so shortly before she passed away. 

 

I didn't realize that a cat would touch my heart in such a tragically beautiful way. Being out here and reading your post first after I got home from the vet, showed me that I'm not alone and that I'm not the only one that's going through the emotional (and likely physical) pits right now.

 

I'm so sorry for what you are going through and if you'd like to connect, feel free to reply.

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Maxwell2014

My maxwell of 12 years I had to put to sleep 12-27-2014. I am devastated I have 2 other cats but maxwell was my baby my first cat . Couple days before Christmas he seemed like he was having problems breathing I took him to the vet expecting him to have an infection or cold I was blindsided that he would not be back home after that day. The vet checked him and did an X-ray he was breathing with his mouth open sounded terrible . X-ray showed he was only using a third of his lungs and had fluid build up . I made the decision to have them drain the fluid in hope he would get better and better understanding what was going on. After the fluid drain he did not get any better and was worse had to stay on oxygen he was not stable enough to go home and seemed in a lot of pain not moving . I made the decision to have him put to sleep he was worse than before and having a harder time breathing. I petting his head told him I loved him and would forever miss him . He flicked his tail for a second but would not move. After I felt complete like I played God and felt that I would be punished for what I did took a life. I am a wreck I keep thinking he will be sleeping in his spot or I'll see him laying somewhere . My one other cat who would always hid and not what to be around people is now always wanting affection all day and also coming out greeting people . Some people think I am crazy for being so emotion over my cat

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We lost our Moses two days ago.

Moses found his way to our home in January 2009. We could tell he was a house cat that someone left behind. He was wounded, crying and hungry. It broke my heart! We intended to feed him and get him to a shelter but my boyfriend suggested he stay. We took him to the vet who told us he was a little over 1 year of age. We named him Moses and he had been with us since. He was very loving. He loved to laying by the heater and sneak his way into the tv cabinet, still don't know how he fit in there???

A little after 5 am I could hear him crying from my bedroom and told my boyfriend to check on him. My boyfriend came to get me and said there was something seriously wrong. When we went down stairs we found him on the floor dragging himself and crying. While my boyfriend was preparing to get him to the animal hospital, I stayed with him but was afraid to touch him because he seemed to be in a lot of pain. He died within 20 minutes of us finding him. I can't stop crying. I miss him so much. He was taken from us so quickly without warning and in such a painful way. We buried him in our backyard. we believe it was heart failure. Moses will be missed. We're lucky to have found him because he had so much love to give. We loved him so much and are devastated. I lost my father 4 years ago and my dad loved Moses. This is just another loss we'll learn to live with.

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ClairaBelle42508

Just last night I lost my Claira Belle. She was only 6 years old. I got her when I was going into 1st grade, she was my first pet. I am currently shaking and crying. Claira was a beautiful black cat,her fur looked brown in the sunlight. For the past 2 months she had been breathing heavy. In the beginning, I told my mom we should take her to the vet, but my mother said maybe she had a little cold. She seemed perfectly fine, she ate her food. My mom hesitated to take her to the vet, Claira did not like the car. She would drool, and lose control of bodily functions. My parents and I, took her to the vet thinking maybe she had something little and well, fixable. As soon as we told the vet what happen, she took her heartbeat. The vet said she couldn't hear her heart beat. My dad told me to go walk around PetSmart, I was tearing up as I was looking at the cats. My dad came and found me and said "this is Claira's last night, let's go get your brother". I started bawling. We got my brother and came into Claira's room. The vet showed me the x-rays. She explained that Claira's heart may have failed causing her lungs to be filled with liquid and her stomach was full of air. I was so confused, she had been pushing through it for months and she didn't even show pain. The vet explained how they hide their pain. My mom and I decided to stay while they put her down. We got to hold her, and take pictures. She didn't even know what was happening, she just meowed just like she always does. She went down peacefully.

She loved Christmas trees, I'm so glad she got to have one last Christmas. It was so selfish of us to keep her in all the suffering, but we didn't know she was dying. All of the time she was breathing heavy she was just drowning in her own pain. The vet said if we brought her early nothing would have changed. I just can't grasp that she's gone. I saw her stop breathing, But when my mom asked me if I wanted her food bowl, I knew it was real. I still think she's coming back, but I know she isn't. I never imagined at 6 years old, adopting a cat and saying she's going to die when I'm 13. I always thought she would be around until I was an adult. I pictured myself going of to college saying goodbye to my skinny black cat. She was my first pet, my dad is allergic to cats. I begged for her. During school nights I read in bed she always slept with me and purred. Now I won't have a cuddle buddy. In the beginning of her rough breathing in mid November I was scared. At night I would cry to my mom "Claira isn't breathing right she's going to die" . My mom would say "She is going to die, but not anytime soon". Every night I would think about losing her. Now that it actually happened, I realize I was right all along. I should have brought her sooner. She was dying and I didn't even know it. She was my best friend, my first pet, and the sweetest cat I'll ever meet. I can't picture life without her meowing waking us up in the mornings because she wanted her wet food. I can't stop crying and always play a montage in my head of me adopting her until I saw her lying peacefully. She was my best friend

R.I.P Claira

4.25.08 - 1.4.15

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I am glad that I found this site. It has been 1 month since I lost my cat/ my baby. I found him in our kitchen in the morning having what I realized was a seizure. I rushed him to an emergency animal clinic.He had fluid in his lungs, a compromised spine, due to his diabetes, kidney failure, compromised brain function , a distended bladder, and his temperature did not register, at first. He was put on a relaxant to calm the seizures, an Oxygen mask, an IV, a catheter, and placed in an incubator. I know it sounds naive, but he was my baby, and I even though I knew what was happening, I could not register it. I called the clinic all night. I rushed in in the morning.The vet was quick to urge and start humane euthanasia. I got a slight flicker of recognition from him. I pet him while while he went. I am still a mess.I want him here, not another cat. I want a magic formula where the needle went in my arm, and he came him. It ripped my heart out.

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I meant , " and he came home." My husband does not understand, Sunny was/is my baby, a part of me. My mother has had a star in the International Star Registry named for him.

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Sunny9701, 

I am very sorry about the loss of your precious. I've lost several cats, and it's just terrible. When my first one, Emmy (who I had for more than 15 years) got sick and died, I thought I would never be able to love another cat like her. But then I rescued Bob and Mia. Bob was absolutely the nicest cat I've ever met. We had him for almost 11 years, and then we had to put him down. That was absolutely horrible for the entire family. Now we have Mia and Minnie. They are precious to us. Mia is getting old, and it's worrying me. 

 

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

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I feel your grief ,they were,"are" family and best friends.

I miss my "little big man" every day.

But it warms my heart, knowing that all our friends were loved and had the best lives they could in your hands.

your not alone in your grief. x

 

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Thank you for the kind words. I still lose it when I see things that hit home. I went past the pet aisle when shopping and started bawling.

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I think that because I was/ am his "mom" , the only one looking after him, it hurts the most. The bond is a rare one. Scientists noticed that when people pet their animals, their blood pressure lowers. Some hospitals here in Ontario have started bringing in therapy pets for this reason to elderly patients who love animals. That unconditional interaction hurts a lot when you lose it.

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sunny9701

Yes it does hurt a lot . in fact it leaves a huge void in our hearts.

I did not eat for 3 days ,and walked around like a zombie  after my loss.

I just did not realise how strong our bond was.

But that cat played  me like a fiddle from kitten to the end,  and that i miss.

I read somewhere that a dog has an owner.

but a cat has a servant!

And a servant i was.

and wish i still was.

 

 

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I came home yesterday and found my kitty Tigger passed away. I am heartbroken. She was 17 with hyperthyroidism. I appreciate finding this site as I realize I had many years with her and she appears to have gone in her sleep as her little heart just couldn't beat that fast anymore. She was calico - white, black and orange. She was very independent, feisty, and she loved me. She started having trouble balancing herself about a week and a half ago. The vet recommended fluids and said she didn't appear to be in pain, just uncomfortable. She stopped eating the day before yesterday. I am so sorry for all the tragic losses I've read here. Thanks for reading about my Tigger bear.

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MissingYouKitty

Just last night I lost my Claira Belle. She was only 6 years old. I got her when I was going into 1st grade, she was my first pet. I am currently shaking and crying. Claira was a beautiful black cat,her fur looked brown in the sunlight. For the past 2 months she had been breathing heavy. In the beginning, I told my mom we should take her to the vet, but my mother said maybe she had a little cold. She seemed perfectly fine, she ate her food. My mom hesitated to take her to the vet, Claira did not like the car. She would drool, and lose control of bodily functions. My parents and I, took her to the vet thinking maybe she had something little and well, fixable. As soon as we told the vet what happen, she took her heartbeat. The vet said she couldn't hear her heart beat. My dad told me to go walk around PetSmart, I was tearing up as I was looking at the cats. My dad came and found me and said "this is Claira's last night, let's go get your brother". I started bawling. We got my brother and came into Claira's room. The vet showed me the x-rays. She explained that Claira's heart may have failed causing her lungs to be filled with liquid and her stomach was full of air. I was so confused, she had been pushing through it for months and she didn't even show pain. The vet explained how they hide their pain. My mom and I decided to stay while they put her down. We got to hold her, and take pictures. She didn't even know what was happening, she just meowed just like she always does. She went down peacefully.

She loved Christmas trees, I'm so glad she got to have one last Christmas. It was so selfish of us to keep her in all the suffering, but we didn't know she was dying. All of the time she was breathing heavy she was just drowning in her own pain. The vet said if we brought her early nothing would have changed. I just can't grasp that she's gone. I saw her stop breathing, But when my mom asked me if I wanted her food bowl, I knew it was real. I still think she's coming back, but I know she isn't. I never imagined at 6 years old, adopting a cat and saying she's going to die when I'm 13. I always thought she would be around until I was an adult. I pictured myself going of to college saying goodbye to my skinny black cat. She was my first pet, my dad is allergic to cats. I begged for her. During school nights I read in bed she always slept with me and purred. Now I won't have a cuddle buddy. In the beginning of her rough breathing in mid November I was scared. At night I would cry to my mom "Claira isn't breathing right she's going to die" . My mom would say "She is going to die, but not anytime soon". Every night I would think about losing her. Now that it actually happened, I realize I was right all along. I should have brought her sooner. She was dying and I didn't even know it. She was my best friend, my first pet, and the sweetest cat I'll ever meet. I can't picture life without her meowing waking us up in the mornings because she wanted her wet food. I can't stop crying and always play a montage in my head of me adopting her until I saw her lying peacefully. She was my best friend

R.I.P Claira

4.25.08 - 1.4.15

 

Read your post and made me cry because it reminded me how I lost my cat today when I woke up. I searched "I miss my cat so much" on google and ended up here. Kitty was 7 years old, only 7 year old and she lived more than her mother and siblings. She was the best gift I've ever been given, I remember the day she got home my dad would say "Careful here girls, there's a very tiny thing on the floor you can't step on it" and me and my sister, we were young at the time, were really surprised to find a little ball of fur on the floor meowing for attention. I was so happy. Kitty then as she grew up, she became my best friend. During my parent's divorce she was there for me. Everytime I was sad she would jump to me (almost making me fall) trying to play with my fingers or hair (like she would always do until today. Despite being 7 years she was and is my eternal baby) or she would go on top of me, blocking my way to the tv or the computer, asking for love and for me to pet her. She was so sweet. As far as I know her family had some health issues but she was fine until some months ago where she started having some that seemed epilepsy attacks but when we took her to the vet he said he was not sure, so we should take a pic or film when she was to have those "episodes". She only had 3 that we were aware of. And of course, we didn't expect how could we guess she was about to have those things? And whenever that happened she was already on the floor and we always rushed to help. I told my mom many times to get her sterilized so she wouldn't have problems in near future. With my parents divorce and money, we never did it. I don't know if she was really sick, if we could've done something to let her live a little longer, because she was apparently fine, she even started to eat more and all. I remember waking up today and I found so weird that she wasn't there at my door to greet me, like she did every day. I found her, apparently sleeping peacefully. Just that she wasn't sleeping. I called her many times and shook her hand and nothing. I just hope she didn't suffer. Apparently she didn't but we will never know. And I feel so guity and I spent all the day crying because I can't think about opening the home's door and don't see that little face going to scratch the carpet and ask me to pet her. I miss her so much already.

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SerenityNow

I understand your pain and so sorry for your loss.

I am currently still sad and grieving the loss of my little foster kitten. Yesterday it was already two weeks, but I am still hurting.
He was one of the kittens I helped rescue and he was so afraid and shy on the beginning, but later the biggest lover. I had him and his sister the longest, both for over six months and really got attached to them. I often wished, that I could have kept them, but I knew that was impossible, because some changes happened in my personal life and I couldn’t keep them.  Right after New Year’s, a very nice lady adopted them together.  I was so happy for both of them.  Then 1 1/2 weeks later the boy kitten had to be put down due to FIP.  I still have a hard time accepting that they had to put him down.  It still hurts sooooooooo much……and I wish I could return time, ……this makes me think, that life is truly not fair.



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Hannah's Mommy

I am so sorry for your loss. I truly feel your pain. Just today, we had to make the decision to put our precious Hannah to sleep. Hannah was born in March of 2004. We adopted Hannah and her sister Lily in July of 2004. That same day, we also adopted Katie, who was 3 years old at the time. From that day on, we were never the same. As we kitty lovers know, all kitty babies have their very own very special personalities. From the moment we brought our girls home, 'Hannah' was Mommy's baby...a beautiful, amazing bond of love that lasted for over 10 1/2 years. Hannah followed me everywhere, she slept with me, on me, followed me into the bathroom, ran to greet me when I got home from work. Literally, never left my side. I cannot express how much I will miss the look of genuine love in Hannah's eyes when she would just sit and stare at me with such love, that unconditional love that our kitty babies show us. After today, my life will not be the same. Hannah was diagnosed earlier this year with Renal Disease. Upon diagnosis, I was absolutely devastated. We began the proper treatments directed by our Vet. Her kidney levels did decrease slightly for a period of time, but this past Sunday, I knew Hannah was struggling...and we feared the worst. We were right to be afraid - her kidneys were failing fast and the toxins were building up in our baby. We took her to the Vet ER Tuesday - they immediately admitted her and began IV fluids. The next morning, we picked her up and transported her to our Vet. Well, that was yesterday morning, Wednesday the 28th. We did hold out hope that Hannah would beat this and we would be able to bring her back home with us...it was not going to happen. I drove over to the Vet earlier today to visit with Hannah and take her favorite flannel shirt she loved to lay on, along with her 2 favorite toys - I thought having them with her and the familiar smells of home would help her. When I arrived, the doctor came out and met me, we then proceeded to a private room. She gave me the devastating news, Hannah's levels had not improved in over 48 hours and the toxins were continuing to build up in her little body. She explained that 'one more day' would not make a difference and it would only prolong Hannah's pain and discomfort. The doctor expressed, with such compassion, it was time. I literally felt like I was going to die, such pain and grief was so overwhelming, I still feel numb and unable to function outside a fog. My husband and brother came immediately, so they could also say good-bye to our beloved Hannah. The Vet staff gave us all the time we wanted with Hannah...it was not enough to prepare for the end. The tears were flowing, words were incoherent as we thanked Hannah for living with us and bringing such JOY and Pure Love to our home over the last 10 years. She took her last breath knowing that she was surrounded by the humans who loved her to the depth of their souls. She was a part of us, she will always be a part of us, forever. I went online to find something that could help me in such a deep state of grief and sadness, such deep heartache and emptiness and I came across this site. You will never know how much all of your stories have helped me tonight - thank you. The tears were flowing as I read each and every story and they continue to flow as I write my story. Thank you all so much for reading my story. I hope that my story can help someone know that they are not alone in their grief. Hannah is everywhere I look, everything I smell around the house. It is gut wrenching to know she is not going to walk in this room and onto my lap at any moment. Hannah, I miss you, I love you, your life and the joy you brought to my life will be a part of me forever. You are with all of the other 'Kitty Angels' now. Rest in Peace my precious Hannah. Forever, your Mommy.

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SerenityNow

Dear Hannah’s Mommy,

Thank you for sharing your story.  Tears filled my eyes when I read your story about your little baby Hannah. It is truly heartbreaking, my condolences.  I understand how you are feeling, I am going through the same feelings. Everywhere I look, I remember my little kitty. Yesterday I was in the kitchen, and I thought for sure I was feeling something rubbing against my leg, just like my little foster kitty used to do. For a quick second, I forgot that he wasn’t no longer here and looked with excitement down.  That’s when reality hit me again, and reminded me, that it must have been my imagination/my mind playing tricks on me.  Unless they have also Kitty ghost’s that come visit.  Over 2 years ago, I had lost my baby Tiger, which was my baby. I had her for over 14 years.  She found me when she was a stray and I took her in.  She was my everything and followed me everywhere. Words cannot explain the bond I had with her.  I was grieving so much after she was going, from one day to the next.  I really couldn’t talk to anybody about it too much, because in their eyes it was “just a cat”. --- But not me!!!! She was and still is my baby Tiger.  After losing her, and feeling the pain I didn’t want again to get attached like that, but then I somehow started to foster little kittens, just until they were big enough to be spayed/neutered and find a loving home through a respectable cat rescue organization. Yes, I was sad when they were adopted, but also happy I could help save their lives and find them a loving home.  Never in my life I thought I would have some of the fosters for over six months and get so attached to them. I truly formed a bond with them as well.  I feel terrible that I could not be there for my little boy in his last moments when they had to put him down due to FIP.

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