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My younger sister


MRoseti

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On June 28, 2020, I lost my 37 year old sister to a terrible car accident.  Leaving behind my amazing niece and nephew as her legacy for us to hold dear.  The absolute pain and acceptance of this has been practically impossible for me.  The ball in my throat, heaviness in my heart and whole in my soul feels forever stuck.  I don't know if this goes away or just remains for you to have to learn to just live with.  I can't seem to move much past the acceptance stage.  It just seems I'm stuck in that week, on that day.  But at the same time it is like it's been forever.  Life has to go on I know this and so it has.  But I feel like I think of her every second of every day, even if it just a fleeting thought.

I usually would not share this especially in this manner.  However I have to do something and I am not sure what else to do.  Everyone is grieving this in their own way.  I don't want to put my pain on top of all of theirs.  We have all lost so much in this!  I worry that my lack of ability to accept this in any form or fashion is not healthy.  But I just don't know how to do it, I cannot accept it.  I feel I buried half of my soul with her that day.  I love and miss her so much!  My heart breaks so much more watching my niece and nephew go through it.  Ultimately making me feel that I should not focus on anyone's pain but theirs.  It feels selfish to acknowledge my pain, when I can't imagine theirs.

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On 11/24/2020 at 1:31 AM, MRoseti said:

On June 28, 2020, I lost my 37 year old sister to a terrible car accident.  Leaving behind my amazing niece and nephew as her legacy for us to hold dear.  The absolute pain and acceptance of this has been practically impossible for me.  The ball in my throat, heaviness in my heart and whole in my soul feels forever stuck.  I don't know if this goes away or just remains for you to have to learn to just live with.  I can't seem to move much past the acceptance stage.  It just seems I'm stuck in that week, on that day.  But at the same time it is like it's been forever.  Life has to go on I know this and so it has.  But I feel like I think of her every second of every day, even if it just a fleeting thought.

I usually would not share this especially in this manner.  However I have to do something and I am not sure what else to do.  Everyone is grieving this in their own way.  I don't want to put my pain on top of all of theirs.  We have all lost so much in this!  I worry that my lack of ability to accept this in any form or fashion is not healthy.  But I just don't know how to do it, I cannot accept it.  I feel I buried half of my soul with her that day.  I love and miss her so much!  My heart breaks so much more watching my niece and nephew go through it.  Ultimately making me feel that I should not focus on anyone's pain but theirs.  It feels selfish to acknowledge my pain, when I can't imagine theirs.

Hey... I was searching for someone that went through something as I did... And found you. Same as you, I would never seek help online, I am ussualy the person that never even comments on anything online, but I do not have any choice anymore as sometimes I feel like going crazy. 

My younger sister aged 27 died in a car accident on 28th of July 2020. My youngest sister aged 21 was in the car as well but luckily she survived. My family suffered great trauma... Well we still are. 

 

I feel everything the same as you do. The difference is that my sister did not have any children left behind her. But yeah, I think with or without children the pain is the same. 

I am sick of falling a sleep and waking up having only that on mind. I can't help it. I can't stop thinking that I will never get to see her. There are so many things that I feel and I can't even begin to explain how painful it is. Sometimes I do not even believe this is my life now. 

I started doing some therapies in hope that I might be able to get back on tracks with my life but nothing really helps.

I lost will to live and my ambitions seem worthless. The only thing I think of is that there will be more death and I will loose more people I love. It gives me strong anxiety and I started having panic attacks. My God... I have no idea how to live anymore. 

I am so sorry to hear what happened to you as I know what pain it is. Honestly... I was searching for someone who went through the same thing... I would love to be able to talk to someone who knows what this is. 

I wish best to you and your family 

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