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About This Club

Grieving can bring out the dark side of us. However, how do we talk about these deep, intense emotions? Generally non-grievers do not want to hear about the angst of grieving. Share here with others about the dark side of grieving. Keep in mind to be respectful of others and their emotions. This forum will stick strictly to the topic.
  1. What's new in this club
  2. Darlene13

    The Dark Pit

    @Rayelle. I'm so sorry the last 2 years have been such a tough time for you. I'm glad you found your way here...I've only been here a few weeks but it helps to know other people understand and care. You've had a lot to deal with in a short time...just want you to know I'm sending you hugs and I'll be praying for you to beat the cancer and find your way through this. I lost my husband of 30 yrs a month ago tomorrow and I am a pretty big mess tonight. I wish I knew more helpful things to say but I have a lot of sympathy for where you are, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to reac
  3. Rayelle

    The Dark Pit

    I am new here. Just discovered this site, after looking for something online that is not connected to social media. My story is this. Met my husband of 38 years and 15 days on March 3, 1980. He died suddenly of a heart event on March 18, 2018. On June 24, 2020, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. On August 17, 2020 my mother died. I have no children. I feel so utterly alone. Covid has complicated this to such a degree, I sometimes feel challenged to simply breathe. I want to be the person who is strong, I feel weak. I want to be the person who understands how to cope, I am not. I don
  4. Art Thebes

    The Dark Pit

    The pit is a yawning expanse, of never ending, all encompassing, and growing maw of darkness. I teeter on the edge; allowing my toes to be lapped at, by the black waters of its cool, infinite abyss... do I lean forward, and fall in? or do I step back? or am I just lost, barely maintaining my balance on the razor's edge of this piece of black obsidian, that is naught but an island in the midst of this chaotic maelstrom; ever growing, ever threating to swallow me whole...
  5. Art Thebes

    The Dark Pit

    I read your posts, and I grieve with you. I have buried my entire family. I have only one person, of whom, is still alive; however, my ability to reach the thousand plus miles to make contact, is nigh on impossible. They are always on trips. Having fun. Having a life. I have not the experiences that many have had. I have buried a mother, a father, my grandparents… hell, I got a letter one day, to lay an aunt to rest, that I had no idea that she existed. I was married once before, lost a child in the throes of their birth. And her mother shortly thereafter. But that was 25+ years ago…
  6. MSwett72

    The Dark Pit

    I can relate to how you feel Joy as my Dad passed a month ago tomorrow. He was the best Dad and Grandfather, just a wonderful person in general and too young to pass. I find myself questioning my faith, and I don't want to because my Dad never did and all my life talked about it with me. But I find the same feelings sometimes I am okay if I am occupied doing something else. Other times the crying is endless and so painful and seems nothing helps. I started counseling today, well did the intake so hopefully next week. It doesn't help it is over Zoom, but learning to deal with that as well. My p
  7. I have intense feeling that i abandoned him , because i didn’t visit him enough . even though , it probably wasnt safe( he had cancer , and i have low immunity, meaning i get sick a lot) . but i hate the last thing i said to him was a year ago . i only got to visit him once , when he first got sick . i hate myself for it .
  8. Joy- HUGS. Yep you have it about right. Limbo land is really really hard. Others here understand. I am glad you have found the Sudden/Violent Death in the family board. People there will understand. Kelly
  9. I find I'm at odds with myself going back and forth between good grieving where as I'm calm and stable. Then the bad grieving is really bad where I'm crying constantly, feeling a hatred for God, going through spiritual battle curious of what is facts,myth, and everything in between. Loss of a partner due to a murder or any traumatic death is like living hell to the survivor. It's neverending worry,anger,guilt,and a hint of happiness since it's hard to get better when the cases are unsolved. The longer this persist the longer my pain and step towards healing. So many unanswered questions
  10. I don't think that this was done so that it is hidden away. I think it was more of a way for those who are having a harder time dealing with things to have a place where the subject stays true to the feelings of darkness and the pain that lingers. Everyone is always welcome to post in any of the forums.
  11. I don't mind so much having this circle here, but you have a point. We're all grieving in our own way and at our own pace. Separating those in "the dark pit" from others can be seen as a form of "less than" as if we're here so we don't bother other members. Come to think of it, that's kind of what society does. I suppose the question could be, "Why not put the positive thinkers in a separate circle too?" Still having read the last couple of increasingly angry interactions on the regular forum, I can live with a separate circle. OTOH, as I recall, this circle was created because @HPB
  12. Even though I do have a daughter and granddaughter, as well as a small circle of family-friends, I too have no intention of having aggressive treatments of any kind should I be diagnosed with something fatal. I plan to let nature take it's course, though with pain and other comfort medications because I'm not a masochist. I'm changing my medical PoA and designating my sister-in-law (husband's sister) as my representative because I know she will follow my directives. I adore our daughter, but fear she would have trouble letting go, especially because she's already lost her beloved dad.
  13. Wow, foreverhis - there are so many parts of your post that I can relate to. It's been just over a year since my father died, and I still feel very depressed. Now that both of my parents are gone, I think about my own mortality all the time and wonder when/how my daughters will have to deal when I go. My sisters both seem to have moved on nicely, and I feel like I'm stuck. My sisters are both married, and I'm divorced, and living in a freshly emptied nest. I have supportive friends and family, but I feel like I've already talked this to death, and it's just not getting better. I, too, am sick
  14. Well, Foreverhis, I am in the same place as you. Totally understand how you are feeling and life is dark for me too thirteen monnths without my soul mate. I have run out of words to describe the pain. But, every morning I wake up and go through it all again. I have no intention of having treatment such as chemo and radiation should I be diagnosed and people can think what they will. I have seen my mother and my husband go through all that. I don't intend to. If you have people to live for, I understand why one would do it but when you have no one....???? Don't think so. I a
  15. I'm not quite sure how to put this. Sometimes when I'm reading posts by members whose losses were more recent than mine and they talk about looking for the bright side, finding positives, and doing much better, I feel like, "Well, there must be something wrong with me because I don't feel that way." Even though I know our grief is unique to each of us, I still sometimes feel like I'm expected to be (and therefore, should expect myself to be) doing and feeling better. I admit I'm not always down in the dark pit. I have had little glimmers of light over the past several months, but for th
  16. Here is the journal... https://www.tandfonline.com/loi/udst20. And oh my goodness! I looked at the first article of the most recent publication and it is all about Prolonged Grief Disorder. I am not a big one for sticking a label on something FYI but some people need too. However, there are always nuggets to find in anything. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07481187.2018.1480546. That is the full article if you are interested. It is a study on people surviving the UKraine airplane crash and how they are healing.
  17. TLC, after running this grief forum since before 1997, I know there is no straight and true path to coming out of the darkness. People have studied the grieving process, they have charted etc and really it comes down to the individual themselves. Sure, do some people find the light at the end of the tunnel at an x time? Yep. Others - not so much. There was a journal that published studies on grief that I used to read. One of the articles that really "struck" me was on people's belief systems. What some people were finding out was that they couldn't heal and stayed in the dark pit until their b
  18. Well, I am still in the Deep Pit. I don't want to be or chose to be but yet I am. Thirteen months after losing the love of my life and nothing is easier or better and no, I am not "moving on", "getting over it"" or any other such rubbish. Not even learning to live with the pain, the grief. the loss of my love. How could I?? In some ways, I feel that this pain and heartache are getting worse as time goes by. That's not supposed to happen is it? Well, guess what, that's how it is for some of us.
  19. Hey all, Why don't you take a chance and make a post about how you are doing and how dark the pit is today? Somebody needs to be first - could be you! Kelly
  20. TLC it COMPLETELY makes sense. I was talking to a friend this morning who is also struggling and he said I just want to go home where there is so much love but I realize I still have "work" here on earth I need to do. In his belief system he beliefs in reincarnation and really doesn't want to come back to this dark time every again. Sometimes a foot one at time on this grief journey is all we can do even though each step feels like a marathon. I could be wrong but I think talking and being honest about the Dark Pit helps. Correct me if I am wrong! Please, others, give us a shout out here
  21. Well Kelly, thank you for caring! I really appreciate your follow up because "we" who are in the Deep pit are floundering. Not sure why we are still here and cannot see a future at all because half of us has gone, amputated. We are no longer whole, ourselves as we knew ourselves if that makes sense. So, each day is a new day but one in which I am not really here, or there just in limbo. I realise that those who are fighting for their lives and who really want to stay for as long as they can because they have so much to live for (I have actually been in that place myself) but now I have no
  22. Hello all, The other thread that was going disappeared. How is everyone hanging in there these days? Is the pit extra dark today? Let me know how you are doing. Kelly
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