Oh Sweetheart, how did we make it to 90 days already? I still feel like it's been a few days. The first two weeks were blur where I barely remember anything at all. I do remember the kindness of everyone who reached out by sending texts, making calls, arranging for the delivery of flowers, and the sending of cards. These days very few reach out. Friends and family have fallen back into their routines and I don't blame them as they say "call if you need anything." I don't call.
Honey, you must have been so scared and confused. I know you kept wondering if you made the right decision on the day they took you to the hospital. You were not able to do the things that were once so simple to you. You must have ached and fought off pain. At the hospital alone you must have been frustrated and all of the pain medications you had in your system must have made you feel foggy and out of control.
You were septic and fighting pneumonia. I am sorry you had to go through all
Although it's been eighty seven days since you passed, I am still in disbelief. How is it that I have made through these days and nights without you? Oh honey, I miss you so much. I know it sounds material but this is a material world and I miss the tangible things about you. I miss seeing you. I miss holing your hand. I miss your hugs (I felt I was so safe). You were my home.
I feel so cheated. We were supposed to be getting married in a month. Now I am trying to learn to what purpose