Today, I went to the bookstore, and it actually gave me a glimmer of hope finding hundreds of books that try to help you through grief, books about signs and symbols and just things to help you take it day by day. I got myself a planner so I can start planning what I'm going to do with my life and get back to working full-time. This is the first holiday season without my loved ones that past. My fiance and my grandfather. My fiance and I had lots of plans for the holiday season. I'm hoping that some of these books and journals will help me in some way. I feel like when I write down my thoughts it helps me get them out because talking to people get way too hard sometimes. Also, reading about other people's experiences and reading books about signs and symbols to help further my spirituality and hopefully get a message from my loved ones. I think the most important part of grieving is that you have to take care of yourself if you don't eventually you are mentally, physically, spiritually just become drained. Nothing left to give, you will succumb to the despair. So, take care of yourself a little by little each day. I know that the loved ones I have lost want me to take care of myself. My fiance would always protect me and he always said if he passed first that you would watch over me all the days of my life until we can meet again. Treat yourself to the little thing that this time for me, today, was this little trip to this bookstore. Today, I didn't succumb to the despair. Tomorrow, well, that's another day. Take it minute by minute sometimes even second by second but if you start looking into the future at the beginning of grieving for me at least it hasn't been beneficial at all.