Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...one of my son's is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon....he has told me that more and more people are coming in so messed up because the Dr. has prescribed so many prescriptions that should never be used together...and some are just over dosed...he says these Dr.s should be charged with a crime...too over medicated. I am not saying this is your case....if it is possible...could you go for a second opinion about your meds ? Or your diagnosis ? You have seemed to be pretty held together and now seems as if you are spiraling down after you got that diagnosis for dissociation disorder. I do know after losing John David I, too, seem not to have a 'connect'.....rather....I feel as if I step aside at times....but I think that is normal. I do hope you find a bridge that allows your insurance company and health care issues to come together for your good. How are your children taking this ? The resting place looks of love and beloved.

[tobyfreefoot]

On 7/17/2016 at 9:28 AM, Mermaid Tears said:

whoops accident

 

 

[tobyfreefoot]

susan -- while i was in the hospital they tried to adjust meds and they are thinking that with neurotherapy they maybe able to reduce or drop some. 

i have been holding it together because i had no choice. my dr. sent me to the hospital when i started talking with her. up until now no one knew because i kept it all hidden because i had so much to deal with i had to just keep going. 

my kids did notice they didn't feel loved anymore and i couldn't have sex because it has been like i've been controlling a mannequin from across the room most of the time. since i found out i had dp it mostly subsided (except for losing time) and now i have been overwhelmed by feelings.apparently i have been disassociated pretty much the whole time. i have been mostly numb or somewhere else for 5 years. i could scoop up smashed kittens without blinking an eye. but now feelings are coming back and that car in the living room thing pushed me over the edge and i basically had a nervous break down. i haven't had the opportunity to really grieve. i had to instantly start caring for my father 100 miles away and my bipolar pregnant daughter 60 miles away and work full time 35 miles away. i moved my dad by myself 3 times then he died 11 months later and i alone had to plan his funeral etc. all while trying to master my new job as a machinist with no one to train me. i was running these monster machines without even booklets because they were written in german lol.

anyway i feel like i'm maybe going to get better eventually. my therapist at the hospital was great. she was crying right along with me which i appreciated. she recommended a book by a holocaust survivor that lost his entire family and everything he owned. 

“Love goes very far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is actually present, whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

so i ordered it. it had some other great quotes so hopefully i'lm getting on track and the help i've needed all along

[Donnah]

hi all thanks for your kind words about our tattoo tributes and my beautiful cloud photos. I tend to try each and everyday to find some wonder in the environment to amaze me. I have a little momento that was given to me that says 'when it rains look for rainbows and when its dark look for stars.' its the middle of winter here in NZ so very cold, wet and windy. Hubby and I are planning to spend some time in the summer laying on our lawn looking up at the stars.

sending you all peace and love.

Donna XX

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....I 'KNOW' you have an amazing persona....and a strong core...and a keen intelligence. I am feeling positive for you. It is a good thing when one realizes they 'need help'....and then goes in search for the help. Many are in such denial when it comes to mental health issues. I am also feeling positive in that your Therapist seems to tap into all the grief you have been carrying. I cringe many times when I read what some parents have to deal with...along with their deep and dark grief. You have been on a very hard journey. It is time to allow yourself the gift of grace and time to grieve naturally....and allow your sore soul and spirit the chance to heal....also...nourish that strong body of yours with foods rich in nutrients. Keep us posted please. I think good will come from all of this for you. Hang on to Faith with both hands.

[tobyfreefoot]

Absolutely Susan! Thanks. It is such a confusing journey. I'm hoping the neurofeedback will help. My brain has been in this strange mess up state for so long.while in the hospital I quit all the opiods I have been on so that might help too. I am hoping the insurance will finally ok the new meds I was prescribed it has been a week since I got out and I haven't been able to get them yet. They made me think more clearly and I miss that lol 

[Christle]

Jesse David's Mom- I read the blog on secondary losses and it rang true in my life.  I feel as though I've lost myself.  While I don't want them to, I can feel the friendships breaking down with some of my long time friends.  Although I am not made of stone and I don't mean to, it's very hard for me to sympathize or feel bad about things going on in other people's lives.  I, honestly, don't want to hear it.  It just feels like my own sadness is screaming so loudly inside my brain and heart that I can't deal with other people's issues...happy or sad.  I don't wish people happy birthday anymore on facebook and I don't "like" statuses just to let them know I care because, honestly, I don't.  I know that sounds selfish and I really am not that way but it just seems that some of the things that people complain about are so insignificant and petty and I find myself wanting to scream at them, often times, talking to the computer screen or my phone screen, asking them how they can be so petty and stupid. 

I posted a profile picture today of my sons.  The one on the right is Cole, he is my youngest and he still lives at home and is dealing with the loss in his own way as well as comforting me when I need it.  The one in the middle is JonThomas.  He was 17 and just died on May 8, 2016 on mother's day.  He was shot and killed by another 17 year old over something extremely petty and stupid.  He was a pain in the ass most of the time but I loved him and he loved everyone he came in contact with.  He was a beautiful soul and his life was cut way too short. 

I am not a religious person so it's hard for me to put faith in God and think of him as being in heaven but I do believe that everything in this life happens for a reason and that fate has a plan.  My son was a wild one and he refused to conform to society's rules.  I believe that he lived on the earthly plane only for a borrowed amount of time and he must've known that.  Because he lived his life happy.  He loved hard and played hard.  He made an impression on all those who knew him and on the day he died, actually sent me a message on facebook that said...

"Momma Im srry I was so bad growin up but we made it out alive so thank god"

It's like his final statement of love to his mother.  I miss seeing his smiling face and listening to him sing the WRONG lyrics to every song at the top of his lungs just to be annoying,  I miss him raiding the refrigerator every chance he could.  I miss listening to him breath when he slept (he was the loudest nose breather I think I've every heard).  I miss him constantly asking me to take cool pics of him so he could send them to some girl he wanted to impress with his cool clothes or new shoes...but I'm glad he had me take them all because I have photos for days of this kid.  I miss him being overprotective and mean to me all at the same time.  He, as a teenager, could say the most hateful things to me or his brother but if someone else said something even remotely bad, look out world...nobody talked about his family in a bad way.  I miss him asking me stupid questions or telling me way too many details about things he's done or trouble he'd barely escaped.  I would give anything to just sit down and have a stupid conversation with him because I miss his laugh.  Mostly I miss him telling me " I love you buddy" every single time I dropped him off at a friends house or before he left the house to go hang out.  He had the best hugs in the world and would wrap his arms around me hard and squeeze even when I was annoyed with him and trying to make him go away.  I'm so mad at myself for ever making him go away.  Why didn't I just stop being an adult for a second to hug him back? 

I can sit here all day and question myself as a parent and wish I'd done things differently but I know the truth.  The truth is that things worked out exactly the way fate planned.  I gave him what he needed in his short life to survive and to enjoy and he gave me memories and happiness while he was here. 

*I love you buddy"

[Mermaid Tears]

Christle...I have been meaning to send you a post/message.....in the way you described Jonthomas....I do believe we are homogenizing our boys...not all...but too many parents....when Jeremy was in first grade...he had the cutest...smartest young teacher....and I volunteered a lot...and she told me how very worried she was about the large numbers of little boys who were 'active' was medicated....I have one daughter..and five sons....my boys were 'boys'...active..rowdy...that old saying..'boys will be boys'....I think if your son had been born in another time....he would be the kind to grab a fishing pole and go fishing...or go to the woods with a rifle to shoot squirrels....he would have worked the land...his energy would have a place to go to....and he could be himself. I think we coddle our children/grandchildren too much....my Dad had a fascinating childhood....by the time he was 8 he knew how to do so many things...he and his friends could wander all day...when he was a sophomore in High School...he and a friend jumped on a train and rode it all the way to Ft. Worth....then...they jumped on another train and rode it back to Wharton. I could go on and on....I hope you get my drift. I would let my boys 'go'...ride bikes..etc. Now days...I can see where parents would be more careful....but....I see the 'boys' sitting in air conditioned houses instead of 'outside'...your son may have marched to a different drum...but...I think he was a loyal person...and he had friends. That is a real gift in life to have friends...and to keep friends. He was a free spirit...and now....his spirit has the ultimate freedom. I am the kind of person that tends to really like 'imperfect people'....my Grama use to say...' I really like a person with a past'.....I am...not a conformist...but I was allowed at a very young age to be able to say what I thought. I was given a lot of trust. I was given the ability to shape my own theme. I realized when I was raising my children that for them to be able to think for themselves...instead of the crowd mentality....I would have to 'allow' them to be who they were. I think you did the right thing for your boy. The difference is manners are of utmost importance in my life and in my family and in my home.

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...I think you are a classic example of one who did not bend deep into their grief...what a challenging situation you were placed in....also a classic example of one who is juggling too many balls at one time...trying to keep everyone afloat...holding yourself 'in'...so many to be taken care of. This kind of grief can cause a multiple storm on one's mental and physical body and spirit. I am not surprised you had that complete mental and physical breakdown. It was the best thing that could have happened to you. You collapsed. So now...like the Phoenix...that crashes and burns....you can arise from the ashes...and have a re-born life. One you can handle. The mind fog is so thick with this kind of grief. For me....some days it clears...some days I am in a fog of deep yearning and memories. I 'sorta' know how my balance is when I wake up....I bend into it...knowing if I take my mind/body ques...it will clear up. I have always had the energy of 10 people...but what I have discovered....I cannot sit and do paper work in 'attention' for as long as I use to...I have to get up and be busy....then sit and concentrate. I think that is because I feel like I am in two worlds....one foot in the 'that was then'....the other foot in the 'this is now'....I also think Laurie and Shannon are revisiting their earlier losses now...because they did not get to mourn their child/husband. I so believe now that when one is allowed to honor their grief...they have a better balance later.

Am so glad to be in contact with you. We were very worried. Now....I feel like I have lost contact with a very sweet and dear friend...Kate. I do hope she is ok.

[Christle]

My mom called it "siding with the underdog".  The person who was always a little different or marched to his own drum was what society deems the "underdog".  They tend to be just a little more special and have a lot more character.  Thank you for your words..he did love to fish and had the pole out at the canal behind the house when he couldn't find someone else to go with him to the lake or the beach. 

[ericasmom]

Christie, my Girl was like your Boy, kind of the underdog too, at least in academic circles, but had the gift of friends galore and loved finding ways to be active with her Buddies. A lot of character to be sure and yes, I would be wealthy had I a dime for every phone call from the school due to her behavior or ditching or lack of good work, but hey, maybe somewhere inside of her she knew that those things were not going to be important in her life...who knows, I only know that I will always love her and be her Momma and I am grateful.

Gretchen, as I mentioned the other day and Susan does today, the inevitable occurs when we can no longer keep up the energy to keep everyone going...We do have to make room for grief in our lives, it is there whether we accept it, acknowledge it, or embrace it, and we do eventually have to get to know it intimately, inside out and in every way in order to let it find a spot to live inside of you. I am grateful that your therapist sounds wonderful, to cry alongside you and to advocate for you. Lovely. Rebuilding may seem daunting but truly, the amount of energy it took to keep staus quo for everyone takes more energy than this rebooting of your life. I think of you as Sheera the Warrior Princess (remember He-Man?): with sword behind your back ready for battle to free those of harm, and now it is you you'll have to free. Hooray. New breath in those lungs and marrow in those bones. Open for weeping whenever you need, questioning, and cleansing your worried soul.

Susan and Everyone, I heard from Kate today and she is doing well as is her husband. She has kept busy and is looking forward to a visit from her Son and Grandkids.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Dee....I will not worry about Kate....now I will see her shining through.

[Joanne's mum]

By beautiful daughter was 31 when she died December 27th 2015, no one mentions Joanne's name anymore it's as though she never existed, but she did, i miss her more and more every day. It's as though part of me died with her, 

[Mermaid Tears]

Joanne....am so sorry for your loss....your lovely daughter...many parents on this site have experienced the same thing....and before I lost my John David...I, too, was 'somewhat' like that....I don't think one can ever know what this kind of grief is like until you lose a child. But it still hurts. We have no control over what others do or don't do...we only have control over how we handle it. Please come and tell us about your daughter. We share our children here..we share our grief and our situations...what we are learning on this grief journey...and share in what ways we help ourselves. It is a day by day journey.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Georgina, so good to see your James’s face on the forum. Hope you are feeling a little bit better.

Becky, the new kitty is so pretty. My daughter has a cat that adopted us. She had her spayed and now it looks like she might have to be an indoor kitty. We even have a family of raccoons trying to adopt us – a mama and 2 babies – but there are limits!

Sherry, thanks for the reply on what I posted to Mary Anne. I know many of us have turned to pets that our loved ones owned to help us through. My sister and fiancé had a cat named Brownie too. He lived until about 19 years old. Thanks for your faithful postings.

Francesca,  how good it is to read that you have found a niche in the church you are attending. And that there is another mom there who you can share with who will understand.  Having someone to talk with can be so helpful if you can find it.

Dianne, I understand why you stayed in the house during that going away party. I had 3 other invites to other milestones from good friends, I just could not bear the thought of attending any functions like that. I know I would have went into melt down mode. So I just sent a card with money. Even now, I will have to pick and choose functions and there may be a limit to what I can tolerate.

Donnah, it is hard to imagine winter right now – do you get snow at all where you are at? Or is it just rain and dampness?

Christle, I am sorry for the loss of your dear son, Jon Thomas. It sounds like even though things could be tough between you both, there was a love that he could feel as evidenced by his last posting to you. How we treasure those last conversations – unbeknown to us that they were the last. Share as you like, there are many active people here…and maybe there will be some things that you can find here to make the journey a little less lonely.

KATE, I know you are out there!  Saying Hi to you and Ross. =)

Dee, thanks for continuing to share the journey with us all. Sherry Too!

Susan, thanks for all the postings. I know your date is coming up…I look at John David’s pic on my shelf upstairs with Jesse. Christina has your star fish  on her dresser. She just changed rooms and it went with her.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

 

This is for you Gretchen..I held this visual in my mind often, for myself…I don’t know exactly why…perhaps it will help you.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

[ericasmom]

Joanne's Mom, as seen above, we will say Joanne's name, she is real, she did exist/does exist. She had stories to tell and dreams to follow. You can talk about her with us all day and night too, someone is almost always awake or will respond when they are. Tell us about your life and about Joanne.  My Daughter died 13 years ago, at age 19. Her name is Erica. My name is Dee. Welcome to this place that serves us unlike any other place.

Laurie, I love that you posted a Warrior for Gretchen. Perfection. What a cool image.

Shannon, you okay?

Susan, I love the screen shots you posted today.

Peace All,

[daveydow1]

Joaannesmum------I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved daughter.  Please

come back to this site, which is quite active.  While we are sorry that anyone has

 to come to this site,....we welcome them, and hope to give some

measure of solace, just by our understanding the sorrow of losing a child.  I

know what you mean when you say that it seems as though everyone has forgotten

your daughter.  This is often the case. I guess that people just feel uncomfortable

mentioning your daughter, so they just avoid it.  This can be so painful, I know....I'm sorry.

There are no rigid rules at all for posting here at BI (formerly called Beyond Indigo).  Come and

read/post as you feel you want to. My son, David, was killed in a highway crash 13 yrs. ago,

when a truck driver of a big rig fell asleep at the wheel, and crashed into cars lined up at

a freeway exit.  Also, my baby, Lisa, died many years ago...she was 6 months old.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Francesca---Good to see your post.   So nice that you are going to be a volunteer group

leader for troubled youths at your church.

 

Gretchen-----Wishing you progress in your struggle to wellness. Thanks for the lovely poem.

 

Susan-----Your posting of the screenshots is so kind, and the words they convey are so meaningful

and comforting.  Thank you for posting them.  I always read them, and think about them.  I agree,

that after losing a child, one faces such confusion in their minds & hearts, especially in the very

early days....but also at any time on this journey.  I have felt just sort of 'adrift' and aimless at times.

Coming to BI has been a lifeline.

 

Dee---We got rain today.....thank heavens.  It was to be very hot, but the day started off very cloudy,

then the rain came.  Your garden sounds like it is doing well. The squash gratin sounds so good. We

have gotten lots of cucumbers and lettuce, as Denny waters them all the time, along with watering

the tomatoes & peppers. He had to give up on the beets and carrots.....just too dry for the root veggies.

 Glad that the weather held out for the ERi Fest.  Surely ERi was smiling down on everyone who gathered in her honor.

 Good to hear that dear Kate and her husband are doing ok. Thanks for passing the news along to us.

 

P.S.  Does anyone know how to get rid of this double spacing?  After the reformatting of this site,

I had trouble getting back on, and ever since then, .... I can't get single spacing. 

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

 

Edited July 22, 2016 by daveydow1
adding content

[ericasmom]

Nope to double spacing fix, Sherry, except that if you just keep typing, it won't double space, only when you hit the ENTER tab.  Ever since the reformatting we can't use more than the limited colors and no other fonts either...makes my ability to personalize stunted at best!
Feeling adrift is a good way to describe what we go through at times still, that 'flat' mode, needing to be quiet and alone for longer periods of time.

Gretchen, I have read that there are advocates that can plead your case to the insurance company to cover your meds. A big article on Public Radio too, about the ways insurance companies find ways around helping out patients with psychological needs. What the hell would be there reasoning there?

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Here is a link to the latest Rebecca Carney post for those interested:

https://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com/2016/07/17/trust-once-broken-is-not-easily-mended/

She lost her son, Jason in 2002 by a drunk driver. Both her son and his passenger were killed.

[Alina's mom]

My daughter Alina died 2 mo ago, she was 24 y.o. and only child. Can't describe the pain, can't believe she is gone forever, can't accept the loss.

[ericasmom]

Alina's Mom, I believe we met you a month or so ago???or am I mixing you up with someone? If so, I am sorry. I feel like Alina's name is familiar. Such a very pretty name. Your heart is broken-shattered and it is impossible to feel better than the way you do right now...that is not to say that you will always be in this much pain. I promise you that you will not always feel this horribly, but it will take time and energy for the grief to change and allow more light into your life. It is not to be rushed, grieving is a forever deal, but as one who has been grieving for 13 years for my Daughter...I can honestly tell you that the first year is the hardest, and of those 12 months, the first 6 hold you together with shock, after more of the shock goes, the pain of this loss might increase-please do not despair as this is a necessary step in grief. It is not a linear path, it is up and down adn when you think that you must be crazy, understand that we all went a bit crazy, you will find a purpose on this earth again and you will find balance, and in that you will honor your Girl with your life, standing where she no longer can. Hold on to us, we all know the ache and anger and deep deep sadness that you have inside of you.We will listen and hold your hands and heart.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Alina's mom]

Ericasmom, thank you for support.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dianne.....yes....you have every right to be hurt..and feel wounded. Coming from your cousin and his Godmother can only make this kind of grief hurt deeper. I would think there are many that stand on the outside can make remarks about how 'they would have planned, what they would have done'....and really...the fact that we didn't wear our panties on our head shows great strength in planning our child's 'forever good-bye'. The memorial sounded very well thought out...very beloved...very touching. There are many ways in which you can handle this. We have no control over what other people do or don't do....we only have control over how we react. I am not going to tell you to 'get over it'....or...'consider the source'.....I think you should honor that this hurt you. That is a legitimate reason to feel betrayed. Pet yourself...hold yourself...for awhile. I think if we always try to be so noble...it will come back and kick us when we are not looking. After 'awhile'...you will be able to put it away...walk away from it...and probably be able to have a healthy reasoning that will help you in dealing with her. She knows she did wrong. Let her wrestle with her conscience. Let her fight her own demons. You are learning to comfort and heal yourself. That is enough. I hope this helps in some way.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Alina's Mom....we are all holding you. We are here to hear you. I lost my son, John David, in 2012...he was 42 years old. I am now on the 4th year of my grief journey...I can't say it gets softer...but I am learning how to carry/balance the grief. I have learned that it doesn't matter if your child died in the womb...lived 2 hours...2 years...16 years....50 years....they are still your child. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. We all know that dark and heavy kind of grief. There were countless days when it was hard to breathe. I actually felt like I was coming up for air like a drowning person. This kind of grief is very exhausting. Please...find ways to 'self care'....be very kind and gentle to yourself....rest when you can...drink lots of fluids...and nutrient rich foods. None of us are professionals on this site...we are simply parents that come to share...and care...and we relate what we are feeling and the ways we have found to get by just one day at a time. This kind of grief can only be traveled one day at a time. Try not to over think....or look ahead too far. Please tell us about your beautiful girl.

[Alina's mom]

5 hours ago, Mermaid Tears said:

Alina's Mom....we are all holding you. We are here to hear you. I lost my son, John David, in 2012...he was 42 years old. I am now on the 4th year of my grief journey...I can't say it gets softer...but I am learning how to carry/balance the grief. I have learned that it doesn't matter if your child died in the womb...lived 2 hours...2 years...16 years....50 years....they are still your child. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. We all know that dark and heavy kind of grief. There were countless days when it was hard to breathe. I actually felt like I was coming up for air like a drowning person. This kind of grief is very exhausting. Please...find ways to 'self care'....be very kind and gentle to yourself....rest when you can...drink lots of fluids...and nutrient rich foods. None of us are professionals on this site...we are simply parents that come to share...and care...and we relate what we are feeling and the ways we have found to get by just one day at a time. This kind of grief can only be traveled one day at a time. Try not to over think....or look ahead too far. Please tell us about your beautiful girl.

Mermaid Tears, thank you so much for support.

[ericasmom]

Dianne, so sorry that your cousin said something so harsh...could it be that she has forgotten the whole thing? Not that it makes it okay to say that this needs closure...but do you think that she may have blocked the whole event due to shock or deep sadness? I ask because i find that I forget whole events sometimes, it scares me when it happens, but I knows that my ability to remember some things has gone away since Erica died. As though my brain just cannot find a way to store some information. Just wondering. Again, it does not give her the freedom to try to run this placement...

I hope that Everyone in the incredible hot-spots were/are able to find some cool and stay safe.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

People do say such odd and bizarre things to the bereaved.. It is said that the address book often changes after this type of event --  that is for sure. For me, A few have stayed on, and one person, which was unexpected has been one of our biggest supporters. Try to find those people who you know have a "heart's" interest in you -- there are some who will have to be let go of...

We are in the heat bubble up here...just trying to stay in and keep cool. I accidentally dehydrated myself on Tuesday...woke up on Wednesday sicker than a dog. I found out it is really easy to do...I had been drinking fluids the day before, but I guess it was not enough.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Dianne thank you. I'm doing much better thank you. I'm actually in the states at the moment ,,,,

my older sister lives in NJ and surprised me with a ticket to visit with her for two weeks. I was so nervous as I'm afraid of flying and so upset because the last time I visited was just before James died. 

Ive been reading all your posts I feel I have not Joy in my heart anymore I do laugh at things but it never reaches my heart anymore. I don't know how to explain its just how I feel. 

We watched 'Mirical can happen' last night I hope and pray that's where James is. 

Take care God Bless xx 

[ericasmom]

Georgina, how lovely that your sister sent you a ticket...I am glad that you muscled through the flight here and I am so proud of you. James is too. As far as the laughter and happy times reaching your heart...it will again one day, not now, but one day it will. Until then, take in what you can, laugh when it comes, and sleep when you can. Understand that all things are a process, and this one is a long long process but it is one that we will feel the changes within, the many ways that we are altered will continue but eventually, you will be proud of the woman/Parent you are, knowing that you worked very hard to get to this new place where you plant your feet. Remember too, that no matter the changes that left us in this deep ache, you will always, we will always be the parents of our Great Kids. They will always be our Sons and Daughters. Nothing takes that from us.

Laurie, my goodness, I am so glad that you are okay now. I have had that sickness from dehydration, it is not pretty is it? Watch too as NORO virus is going around and folks are very sick for about 24 hours. Rest until you feel strong again.

Dianne, the sad place you are in is a normal place to sit for a while, and yes, while we have to find ways back out of it, remember that sometimes, we need to stay there and learn from being in the grief, thick and seemingly impenetrable...we do find our way out of it again, but sometimes there are lessons to learn, memories to locate when we are in that sad time. Be patient with yourself.

[Mermaid Tears]

I am now in my fourth year on the grief journey....I am finding that my heavy, dark grief is changing into a 24/7 deep, deep longing, yearning...I have no choice in this....I have no control in how I am changing ...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[tobyfreefoot]

Dianne i have no idea why your cousin? would say such a thing. maybe she thought the park would speed up the process? i'm sorry. sometimes i just do not understand. maybe we dip in and out of different realities. people seem so out of touch some times.

still trying to get meds. insurance won't pay and they cost 1500 a month. going to try to get a written script and send off to canada for 165 dollars

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....I hope the Canada route will work for you....many from Texas goes to a Mexican border town....it has many drug stores and Dr. clinics...even dentist...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[daveydow1]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[daveydow1]

Having trouble posting.......lost my whole reply. Grrrrr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[daveydow1]

Becky----Thank you for posting that beautiful screenshot.....such comforting words.

Georgina-------I hope you have a very nice visit.  I don't like flying either, and have not

flown for years. 

Gretchen------good luck in finding the meds that you need through Canada. There

are no regulations for how much the U.S. drug companies can charge, so they get

away with it.  

 

Dianne----sorry that your cousin has hurt you so.  Who knows why people say things

that would be better left unsaid.  Peace to you.

 

Dee------I've been having some trouble here & there with this new formatting.   

Maybe it's just me. Oh well.....not worth losing sleep over...right? 

I'll keep this short ....hoping I can get it posted.

 

Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....I wish they had left our site the way it use to be....it gets sorta 'different' some days...hard to connect...and keep a conversation between all the parents going...and we could keep a circle of caring going for all the parents...I miss that a lot...some days...I was 'strong'...some days...I needed someone to be strong for me..and now...it is so fragmented...

[ericasmom]

I agree Susan and Sherry, this site is not user-friendly anymore. I sure wish that it could be back as it was, this is not progress.

Did any of you here VP Joe Biden say tonight: " I am made to strengthen my broken places..." in reference to having lost his Son? Lovely speech, so very heart-felt. I think Joe Biden does all things from the heart. God bless him. He lost his first wife and his young Daughter years ago in a car accident, I do believe that his two boys were in that car and injured...and then to lose his Son to cancer after the man had tours in Afghanistan and Iraq...Joe Biden gets it. He sure does.

Husband and I were out of town for 4 or 5 days, but I was able to post from our hotel, which was nice being able to keep up.

Gretchen, I am hoping that the Canadian thing comes through, but I also will try to look into how to find an advocate to help deal with the insurance companies.

I am very tired, will write more tomorrow,

 

[Mermaid Tears]

I agree...Joe Biden has had his share of grief. Have been super busy...getting ready to go to Port Aransas for John David's Angelversary...will be there 7 days..other family ..some will be there 7 days...some 3...some 5....

Daniel and John David and Jason were supposed to go White Water Rafting at the end of August 2012....this is something the boys and Dad have done for years...anyway...Daniel is hosting Jeremy, Jason, George (SIL), Hunter Bear, Jackson.(our honorary Grandson) and Pibby...they are in Colorado at Royal Gorge..it is good that Daniel is moving forward..with tradition...he realizes it will never 'be the same' without his boy...but...we have to make memories..and teach the young the ropes...posting some photos I got this morning...this is a milestone for a Dad....

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi everyone just wanted to say thank you for your good wishes. My sister doesn't have the Internet set up so only able to catch up when we come into town. I'm having a lovely time missing James so much. I said my life would be perfect if I still had my boys.  

Take care everyone. God Bless gxx

[Mermaid Tears]

I guess we all think of our 'perfect lives'....that was then...this is now....I guess that is why I have such a yearning and longing...I can't go back to yesterday...I can only go day by day...and will do my very best to get me and my family through this...

[ericasmom]

And remember, we are made strong in our broken places...

Susan, what strength and courage and beauty in these photos, the strength and courage it takes to carry forward a tradition when the faces are not all there...(spirit is though) and what beauty it must be not only in the surroundings, but in the sense of having completed something so awe inspiring as a family group. Lovely. Tell that man of yours that I am impressed and that John David likely grinned the whole time. I wish you a magical time on your gathering coming up. Your Holy Days. May you feel the love all around you and certainly within you.

Georgina, how wonderful that you have this time with your Sis. I am proud of you to take this trip...

We had some major storms today, not here in our neighborhood, but while I was driving to meet up with my sisters...along the highway I drove into 3 different cloud bursts with torrential rains.

Shannon, you okay?Leah? Sandy, and Francesca? All others who have been here and may be feeling poorly or too sad to post, remember that we are here to help you find ways to heal your broken places...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

What a great point Dianne, that perfect actually prevents us from ever feeling our progress, there is no perfection as far as human lives. We lived happier for sure, when all of our Children were here, but it was not perfect.
Joe Biden urged those tragic-struck parents in NEWTOWN after that horrid shooting a few years ago, to hang on, hang on, one day you will be able to think of them and smile before you cry, it will happen one day, not now, but one day. I love that he can share that knowing, as we know, what it means to hear this from someone who mourns and misses his Beloved Children.