Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy: I loved the poem, also, and was glad that you got to go by the river and feel Rich around you.

And, Lorri, yes the sign looks great...your beautiful girl, shining out at the world. We are with you as the Friday looms large in front of you...take care and know that she is with you, as always.

Amy: Good to see your beauty's face, but sorry you had to go through another anniversary that is truly not a celebration of any kind...just a reminder of someone else who is not in our physical presence any longer, but whose love stays on in our hearts.

Sherry: thank you for the poem---I read it aloud to Ralph and did okay with it until, of course, "and kiss a tear-stained mother's face"...that put the lump in my throat and the tears spilled over, then found comfort in the "And we shall soar, together, To a different time and place." I hope you got through the evening okay, thinking of your angel Davey, there beside you, just on the other side of the veil.

Tony: Holding you close as you venture further into this journey...will be thinking of you as you are working with the younger girls basketball. Brendan will be with you, as always, surround your heart, cheering you on for the steps you are taking...you are honoring him in so many ways and he is so proud of you for it.

Dan; Beautiful work, as always...you honor our angels with your caring creations.

Dee: I hope the painters aren't finding anymore wood damage...that can be quite costly. I also hope you are about "packed out" of your classroom and can get to your relaxing days of reading on the porch and enjoying the pleasure of summer days. Sorry about the waking up in a "funk" today...you and I are on the same wavelengths, it seems...feeling odd, and not being able to place it exactly...I also had a dream of Mike, though couldn't remember the details after I woke up...just that there was a lot of things going on and he was right in the middle, just kind of "there."

Trudi: Hopefully, Mal is better...are you in the hills taking care of him, or are you both at the ocean? I agree with Dee, some of the words you use in your posts do remind me also of your lilting, almost lyrical voice...a pleasure to hear. I saw an episode on HGTV the other day where a couple were looking for a home in Australia and the agent's accent was so like yours, though her voice was not as smooth and friendly as yours is...perhaps because I know the "you" behind the voice, and don't know her?

Diane: so awesome to see your sweet boy's face...glad you got it posted, though so very sorry that you ever had a need to find us.

We got really good news from the doctor today re the problem Ralph was having (the "tear" they discovered in the fascia of his stomach)...we had to go to Dartmouth (where Ralph had his kidney surgery) to check on the progress, if any, of the healing of that. The doctor did a thorough exam, and from the CT scan knew exactly where it was located, so was able to palpate it well from the outside. He said he did not feel anything pushing out, especially when Ralph would cough very hard, and he said that likely the tear was more of a bulge than an actual "hole." He said he felt more comfortable continuing to take the conservative approach and watch it over the next two months. We were delighted to hear that, as surgery now would be even riskier than it was for the kidney surgery, as his remaining kidney is so compromised, along with the COPD, and if surgery can be avoided, it is certainly good news. On the way home, he started sounding very hoarse and dry, and by the time we got home, he could hardly talk...can't imagine anything he might have picked up at the doctor's (although a lady in front of us was told to wear a mask before she went into the waiting room as she had a bad cold) that would act that quickly. I am keeping an eye on him and likely will spend some time at the ER tomorrow if he is not better. Jamie is doing better, by the way, and it seems this medication regimen he is on is helping a lot. Thank you all so very much for your prayers and thoughts and comforting words...this is a family where we all can find the comfort and understanding we need, and for that I am so very grateful. Kameron is graduating from Junior High next week...oh, Mike, your boys are growing up way too quickly! Chandler will be getting his learning permit the end of this year!?!?!

Colleen: I hope you are doing better, though I know that Sunday stares you down and the sadness is settling like a shroud of sorrow as you go through these next days. Take care my friend, we are with you. How is Scott handling the coincidence of it also being Father's day? I hope he has been able to talk about his feelings about it with you.

Sus: thinking of you, too, my friend.

Karen, Bonnie, Marcia, Sharon, Quellsmom, CJ, Betty, Rhonda, Sonya, along with all of you who I haven't named here, you are all in my heart, as always, and my prayers, every day.

[Guest msnher]

Hello Indigo's;

Asking for prayer for my son. Curtis has some back problems. last evening he got a steroid shot in his spine. We are hoping to avoid surgery. Several disk problems. One slivered and is poking his ciatic nerve. Besides the pain he has a lot of fear concerning his landscaping business and his finances. He's worried everything will collapse if he is laid up for a few months. Prayers and positive energy will be appreciated.

Gary's out of town with work this week. Besides my three kids (grandchildren) I am watching 7yr old Jordynn who is here from Iowa visiting her dad for the summer. I also take care of Curtis and Cindy's two little ones (Kaylee and Little Curtis) for a few hours every morning. This week that includes Brayden (3yr old son of Curtis from a relationship before Cindy). I had all 7 children all day yesterday and kept all six overnight (Jordynn's daddy picks her up after he gets off work).

I'm actually managing. I'm even caught up (sort of) on laundry. However, I don't function well on little sleep and here I sit at 3am knowing Jordynn will be here in just a couple of hours. So, I would appreciate some energy sent my way, too.

Spent some time in the gallery tonight. There are some children there who we haven't been introduced to through this thread. My heart was heavy and I was also very grateful for this site where we can come and make sure pictures of our children are there, even if we can't say anything right now.

Thank you Grieving.com people!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Hello Indigo's;

Asking for prayer for my son. Curtis has some back problems. last evening he got a steroid shot in his spine. We are hoping to avoid surgery. Several disk problems. One slivered and is poking his ciatic nerve. Besides the pain he has a lot of fear concerning his landscaping business and his finances. He's worried everything will collapse if he is laid up for a few months. Prayers and positive energy will be appreciated.

Gary's out of town with work this week. Besides my three kids (grandchildren) I am watching 7yr old Jordynn who is here from Iowa visiting her dad for the summer. I also take care of Curtis and Cindy's two little ones (Kaylee and Little Curtis) for a few hours every morning. This week that includes Brayden (3yr old son of Curtis from a relationship before Cindy). I had all 7 children all day yesterday and kept all six overnight (Jordynn's daddy picks her up after he gets off work).

I'm actually managing. I'm even caught up (sort of) on laundry. However, I don't function well on little sleep and here I sit at 3am knowing Jordynn will be here in just a couple of hours. So, I would appreciate some energy sent my way, too.

Spent some time in the gallery tonight. There are some children there who we haven't been introduced to through this thread. My heart was heavy and I was also very grateful for this site where we can come and make sure pictures of our children are there, even if we can't say anything right now.

Thank you Grieving.com people!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

sorry for the double post.

[shorty16]

My Friends

Someone asked if Scott was talking about this upcoming date - No, he is not. He has crawled back into himself. But that is OK - What can I expect when Father's Day and Brian's 3rd angelversary fall on the same day. We will survive.

Lorri - Love the bill board. WOW, what a beautiful picture of Kourtney!! And for all the world to see - thanks for showing it to us. I placed a memoriam in this Sunday's Milwaukee Journal-Sentinal. With a picture of Brian and just a short statement of how much we miss and love him.

Carol - Thanks for the text and so glad Ralph is doing as good as can be. You are such a good wife with the driving from here to there. I know I should know this, but what baseball team do you support and at what park? The Brewers are playing against the White Sox in Fenway park. Fenway is the jewel of the baseball parks (Like Lambeau if to Football). The oldest (right up there with Wrigley Field). Just wondering if the Brewers would play your team?

Dee - I am right there with you girlfriend. These emotions of ours sometimes grab us and will not let go. The reality of us living this physical life without our child is very hard to take - I know and am with you to hold you up when you stumble - to make a path for you when our paths are covered with thorns and to bring out the umbrella when it rains.

Tony - Thanks so much for your words of support. How is the house selling going? Please let us know when Brendan's park will be dedicated. My family will be there. I wish I would have know about the golf outing, we would have come also. Please let all of us know about these date, even if some cannot be there physically, we will sure support you in our own ways.

Betsy and Sherry - The support shown you two on this site was awesome!!!!! David and Rich's names were written, prayed, and spoken throughout the day. I am happy that all our Indigo friends came through for you two. Hope you two were able to smile at least once yesterday.

Sus - Thanks for the hugs. I needed it.

To all - I have decided to go back and try our local Compassionate Friends chapter again. I went 3X right after Brian's death. At each meeting, newly bereaved parents would come and that would thrust me backwards in my grief. Now I feel I am strong enough to actually help some of those newly bereaved parents. God put me in this situation to do something and the something I can do is relate to others who have lost a child - especially sudden loss. I cannot relate to the many stories on here concerning long sicknesses and hospital stays and dealing with doctors, but I can relate to sudden-death and the court process. In helping others, I help myself and my family.

Colleen, missing my Brain more than words can say. (That Brain thing will never get old to me - makes me laugh every time).

[ericasmom]

Prayers galore to Curtis for Curtis Sus, I know the worry as I have been half-way holding my breath for Jonathan in similar circumstances...Boy, 7 kids and all of them belonging to your family, how cool but exhausting. I used to take care of kids at my home, but I was 30 years old and had two young ones at the time, now? Well let's just say, my hat is off to you. Keep us posted on CUrtis' health.

Carol, good news about Ralph, I sure hope his hoarseness has more to do with the weather or allergies than anything else. You are a strong woman taking care of all family members, what fortune they all have in you. So glad for Jamie, time for him to experience feeling good and strong. HOoray for him, prayers will continue. How is Davis?

Yes, that funk is odd, like a hangover without any of the party first, an odd and other-worldly feeling. Not in a good way. Some other worldlys are nice. Your dream might be a comfort though, there was Mike, in the midst of all the chaos, there he was, there he is. Always the strength of his spirit and connection.

Funny story, I was tutoring yesterday and Claire came over. She was so excited to be in a former teacher's home. She is going into 5th grade and I taught her in 3rd. We were very close and my nickname for her is Blanket because she used to glue herself to me like a covering. So Claire has always been vastly interested in ghosts, well before she met me and so when she found out that ERi died, she asked me many really deep questions back when she was in third grade. She spoke of ERi and asked me if I felt her in our classroom, she hoped so...so yesterday she looked around my house and said, "Ms Conmy, have you seen any apparitions?"

I said, "well yes, once."

"IN this house?" she asked.

"uh-hu, upstairs.""

What time of day?"

Anyhow the conversation continued some, (I know MOm and know that it is okay to discuss this with Claire). So she finally asks, " Are you a Side-kick." I laughed so hard, more after she left and again as I retell it here, she of course meant, psychic. Right there I hugged her and said, " you have the same auditory deciphering that ERi had, and that I have as well, and she beamed. I didn't have the heart to tell her how hard it makes school but it sure did remind me of why she needs some extra help.

It did help to work with she and Carson yesterday, just making me tend to something other than my brooding mood.

[westleysmom]

Carol-I hope that Ralph's hoarseness turns out to be just a cold or something. I hope you don't have to spend the day at the ER.

Amy-My Daddy passed away that summer too. He died on July 16 and it had been a long hard struggle for him the last few months. I remember how hot it was at the service and I had made pictures on Father's day at my Mama's house of my husband and Daddy and Westley on the couch, knowing that one of the men that I loved most in the world would not be with us much longer. Little did I know that before Daddy was gone four years that Westley would be with him and not me. I can hardly look at that picture without breaking down. I had it framed for Westley and it sat on his night stand. I can't go in his room for any length of time much. Hugs to you.

Susannah-My goodness, I don't know how you do it. Hope that Curtis' back gets better soon, I know the worries of owning your own business (my husband does) and not being able to get sick for fear of losing all your customers.

Dee-Speaking of backs, hope Jon is doing better too.

Colleen-Thinking of you all this week as the day comes.

Sherry-Thanks for the poem, I lost it at the part about the tear-stained face too. I liked it so much I kept a copy of it.

It has cooled off a little and we've gotten some much needed rain. I hope that you all have as good a day as you can and some peace in your heart.

[ericasmom]

Here is a poem I wrote before Eri died, it was the letter I wrote to my students that year, in June, just weeks before Eri was killed. My husband read it, ( i did not know that he would) at the funeral. As I wrote it one Friday in my classroom while listening to some lovely music, I was weeping. I did not know why I could not write a regular letter of good bye to this group, but this poem pored out of me with my tears.

Remember

And like a mom watching out the window

for her little loves to return

I shall look for you.

You will be taller, more experienced,

you will have changed, as you must,

but i will know you, I'll recognize you-

just as you will recognize me...

even when the color is gone from my hair

and my shoulders curve forward a bit.

I will have changed, as I must,

but you will know me.

I will know you too,

our heats will rember always

the days and times we shared.

dee conmy

[nicksdad]

Well half way thru the month and we are in 19th place..The top 15 places win http://www.refresheverything.com/childrensmemorialmarkers

Have about 15 more days to get into that top 15 places and I have no doubt we will do it. Appreciate all the votes and support.

[daveydow1]

I must say thank you-----Dee, Betsy, Colleen, Betty, Sus, Diane, Rhonda, Bonnie, Dan, Amy, Lorrie, and Carol........(forgive

me if I've missed anyone)......Your messages & wishes for Dave's ANGEL DAY certainly warmed my heart

Dee---Sorry about the dreams. Sending thoughts & prayers as ERi's ANGEL DAY approaches. As you said....sometimes

the lead-up days are more stressful to us that the actual day. We kept a low profile, and had a very quiet day. Visited

Davey & Lisa's graves to check the flowers,......then went to a tiny restaurant where the spaghetti is great (but nothing else).

Dan---Thanks for that beautiful and inspiring greeting for Dave.

Amy----Dreams can be so unsettling, and make us cry. Your dream of Ashley being alive was one like my husband

said he had. Such a shock......all over again.....when one wakes up. Sorry that happened to you. Peace, friend.

Colleen-----The BI family is holding you close, and sending prayers as Sunday approaches. Prayers.

Carol-----I agree......the poem 'Rise Up Slowly, Angel' brings tears. I don't even remember where I found it, but had

it copied in a small notebook. Good news about Ralph.....that he may not have to have surgery for the tear. Also,

I hope that his hoarseness subsides. Mike is looking down with such pride for his two boys....Kameron, and Chandler.

Sus-----Sending thoughts & prayers for Curtis.....that he will get relief from the treatment for his back problems. My,.....7 kids

at you place. It must have been very lively for awhile.

Rhonda-----I'm glad that you copied the poem, so that you can go back and read it from time to time. Yes----it does bring

tears,........but is uplifting and inspirational by the end. As I said......I don't know where I copied it from....just glad that I did.

PEACE & PRAYERS TO ALL. HEARTS ARE HEAVY ON THIS SITE, BUT IT'S GOOD THAT WE FOUND IT.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[kmb22]

Edit

[ericasmom]

Karen, a relief to see your smiling Son's face, cause it means that you keep opening your eyes each day, and I know that it is a dark place right now, but I do swear on a stack of whatever you consider holy, that it will not always be this dark, one day the sun will be shining inside and outside of your life. Nine months, I try to think of what I was like at 9 monhts and I was already anticipating that first anniversary, and how in the hell I would handle that. At nine months we gathered for Eri's birthday, the first one since she had passed and I remember it was on the eve of daylight savings time. We toasted Eri and my friend, Laurie's watch zipped ahead to the next day, 4/4/04, Eri's real birthday. I had received not long before the ninth month, the list of the many operations that used ERi's bone, her joints, her eyes, her valves and what not. Nine months is a precarious time, it is when you have one foot in the world you knew, and one foot in this foreign land, there is nothing easy about it. Please be kind to your self, and never worry about speaking the truth of your emotions, you are not bringing folks down Karen, you are naming where you are. We have left our initials on the walls so that you can know that this place you find yourself, this dark cavern, housed each of us as well.

Sherry, low key sounds about right. I thought of you all day, strangers this time 8 years ago, brought to friendship over our one-month-apart tragedies.

How are the robins doing? YOu will be getting this deluge of rain no doubt, so get a good book or some needlepoint, it is a full day long. Painters showed up for an hour between storms. If it was not so rainy, i do think that they would be finished.

[mysonrich]

Dee, a beautiful poem. I don't know how we feel, sense the things that we do. Something spoken to us before their birth possibly. And, I really thought you were going to say that you are your husbands side-kick.

Colleen, are you writing letters still?

Karen, I also remember the 9 month mark. It was at that time that I fell into a very dark place, stayed awhile, heard a knock on my front door one day and a friend was there basically asking,'when are you coming back” She was worried. It was at that time that a real,physical hand reached out to me and pulled me up and out. I slip back in sometimes but knowing I wasn't so alone, knowing that people cared, knowing I just had to get back, helped. We are here for you and if I could, I'd take your hand and we would go for a walk. I also had to deal with very hurtful,hateful events right after Rich died. Just one example and I;ll leave it back in the past...for whatever reasons Richie's father wanted to settle his estate ( not much, he was a worker bee). I told him I needed time and since both Rich and I lived in Pennsylvania, I was the person that would have been made administrator but I was not ready to sign anything,do anything. My son just died. I could not. The ex wanted me to sign off and when I did not I received a call from the Bucks County Probate office, the woman told me that if I did not act soon, I would be cited. I'm out of my mind and I picture the Sheriff, whomever dragging me out my door.( not sure if that's how it works but hey, I was out of my mind) I drove 2.5 hours a week or so later, signed the paper, tossed it at the ex but before I did, after calling a friend,after crying hysterically on a busy street, on that paper I scribbled, “ under duress”. The ex drove a hour and realized at the probate office that the court would refuse to honor such a paper. Am I proud of that? After all this man also lost a son. I wasn't proud. I am not proud. I was really freakin mad. So to all the people that give you added grief, look at them, read their words and say to yourself, “ they are nuts”. I believe with the lose of our children, we cut through the BS much faster , we realize what truly is important in this life, truly, and anything else, any other action that interferes with our new understanding and attempts to defy that is nuts. They are nuts.

{{{a hug to all }}}}

[aim630]

Rhonda-We both lost our dads at about the same time, then our kids at about the same time...My dad died one week before Father's Day that year. I knew he didn't have much longer, but had already bought his card.It was hard, but nothing like losing Ashley...

Karen-I think at about 9 months the shock wears off, and the reality sets in. I'm sorry you're in such a bad place, but we all understand. You can say exactly how you're feeling here, and don't feel that you are bringing any of us down. It helps just to write it down and get your feelings out. Hopefully something one of us says will make you feel better, if for just a little while.

Susannah-Wow-7 kids. That's a lot of work, but I'm sure they're glad to have you helping out & watching over them. Praying for Curtis. I hope he does not need surgery. The other night I had some minor lower back pain, and I could not sleep or get comfortable at all. It went away the very next day though. I can't imagine the pain he is in.

Carol-glad you got some good news about Ralph, hope he is feeling better. My husband had surgery on his kidney about a year ago to remove a cancerous tumor. He had been having pain lately in the same area, so we were afraid he had a tear or something, but he had a CT scan, and got an all clear. I think part of Jeff's problem is his weight. We've both started a diet, he's lost 12 lbs, me only 4...(unfair because he's cheated & I haven't!), but we've both started eating healthier. I do plan on cheating a little Sunday at Katie's graduation party. Cute pictures of Damon's graduation. Mike's kids are growing up, I know he is proud of them.

Lorri-Beautiful billboard for a beautiful angel...I'll be thinking of you Friday.

Colleen-I know it must be so difficult with Father's Day falling on Brian's angel date. I'm glad you've decided to back to CF. I went 3 times also, but haven't been back, as I felt more comfortable here. I'm sure you'll be able to help others who unfortunately share our pain.

Dan-I voted for your idea today. I think it is a great idea. I hope it is in the top 15.

Dee-I loved your poem, although I'm sad your husband had occasion to read it at Eri's funeral. I'm glad you're helping kids by tutoring them. Funny story of Claire thinking you were a "side-kick"!

Thanks to all of you for being there...Sherry, Betsy, Betty, and those I did not name...

Amy/Ashley's mom

[quellsmom]

thinking of you all. Lisa

[ericasmom]

Amy it is good to see you tonight. Hell, men do lose weight easier than women for the most part, I think our hormones get in the way. I have put on weight, don't know how or why except for hormones that go along with menopause. Dang it makes me mad. Katie's graduation party is something to look forward to. I hope it is a fun day and that she feels special and proud of her accomplishments.

Can you guys remind me of how to vote for Dan's idea, I was going to do that way back when Dan told us about it and something took my feeble mind away and I jsut forgot to do it and now have no idea how to go about it. I remember loving the idea, wasn't it to assist those who cannot place a stone or marker at their Child's burial site?

Betsy, I agree, those who somehow get in our way when we are learning how to breathe and walk and sustain ourselves in the face of grief so big it surpasses anything else? NUTS!

[ericasmom]

Lisa, thinking of you too, hoping for you to find some sense of Quell and all of his love.

Lynn, wherever you are, thinking of you.

Michele, where are you?

To all those reading but not posting, I hope that somehow you sleep deeply tonight.

[ericasmom]

silly me, I just went to the link Dan posted, did it. Thanks Dan.

[mikesmomrs]

Well, 11:20 and I finally walk back into the house...left Ralph at the hospital. He was admitted for pneumonia, and his heart rate upon admission was 158, so they had to spend some time dealing with that. They tried conservatively first...hydration, tylenol to reduce the fever, but the rate would go down 5 or so, then go back up to near 160, so they gave him some cardizam, I think it was. Anyway, over the next 4-5 hours, it lowered the rate, but his blood pressure went down to 80/48, so they went kind of nuts over that, then got that back up to 90/60 and that was a little better. Went down again, did some more stuff, then it came back up again. When I left the hospital, his rate was in the 80's and the blood pressure was 100/65. A true balancing act, for sure. I was glad when the hospitalist came in, as it was the same one I had when I got sick in February (think it was Feb) and she is just so very nice. Very caring, very thorough, looks right at you, even if she has to bend over the bed to be sure she has your eye, holds your arm as she speaks, just very very nice. She even remembered me from February. She is Russian and has a little accent, but nothing to interfere with understanding her. They are of course, treating the pneumonia, also lab work to see if there is MRSA involved again like last time. He was feeling a whole lot better tonight than he was this afternoon...Davis had to help me get him to the car, as he was too weak to walk alone. I likely should have called an ambulance, but he would have none of it.

So, yes, I am tired. Can I sleep? Unlikely. Ralph and I watched some of the game tonight while he was waiting for his room to be ready and the Red Sox won (they lost last night for the first time in 9 games---the longest winning streak of any team this year so far)---and he was pleased about that. (So was I)

Amy: Yes, I remember, your hubby had his surgery not long before Ralph had his. Ralph's remaining kidney does not work very well, and he wanted to stay off dialysis so he has been on the renal diet, which means he can't eat very much of anything, and he has lost 116 lbs since his surgery. He has been really good about sticking to it, and it has kept him off dialysis, so I guess it is working. It can be truly difficult to follow but the effort has paid off, for sure. Yes, katie's graduation sounds like fun...have a good time and make more memories with your beautiful daughter.

Colleen: You asked in a previous post about Fenway Park...that is my second home...and yes, it is a beautiful, spirit-filled park. The Brewers are playing the Red Sox on Friday, and all weekend I think. I've seen the two teams play before, but don't have tickets for this match...good thing, guess I would be selling them at the last minute this time. You are right, Fenway is the oldest park, and I believe it is the last one left with a manual scoreboard (they have a huge digital one installed this year, but also kept the old one). I LOVE being there...cramped seats and all! Mike and I created so many memories there...at first it was tough to go, but Ralph came with me the first time after Mike died, and after that, i was able to feel his spirit about me--we sat in just about every area of the park, so everywhere I look, there is a memory. Now, of course, Cathi is my baseball partner, and she and I go to a couple of games a month...as Cathi says "Being at Fenway for a game where they lose is even better than being at home when they win." (IOf course, it's always nicer when they win) Well, that's likely more information than you ever dreamed of knowing about Fenway Park...but you touched a sweet chord when you asked...

I will be holding you close this weekend as you and Scott and the kids see yet another year marked...you have come a very long way in your healing, but I don't think the pain is lessened when these anniversaries and birthday celebrations come along...we hurt, so very much. I do agree, that you have a lot to offer to those in CF; I hope this visit is better for you. You are in a different place, as you said, and this is a place where your reaching out will truly matter. Brian is proud of you, Colleen, so very proud.

Dee: I too loved your poem...your students are so very blessed to have touched your life...I know that you feel the reverse is true also, and that is because of how your heart works...honestly, dedicated, and love-giving. I agree with your assessment about my dream that included Mike...he was right there, in the middle of everything, just being there. I am thankful.

Betsy: How cruel of your ex...and just what was his point? Did he think Rich had tons of money in his mattress? I am so sorry you had to go through that on top of everything else.

Karen: Dee posted "Please be kind to your self, and never worry about speaking the truth of your emotions, you are not bringing folks down Karen, you are naming where you are. We have left our initials on the walls so that you can know that this place you find yourself, this dark cavern, housed each of us as well." These words are so very true, living in the heart of each of us...we hold you close, sweet friend, and wish for you moments of peace and calm...as for your eyes opening every day, that is likely because Shawn wants them to...he wants you to keep going, to carry him with you, carry his memory with you always, but he wants you to live...we know how hard that can be sometimes, especially when the "he's never coming back" thoughts move in to drown your heart and soul in sorrow like we never knew could exist. Please don't feel bad about coming here and speaking your mind, speaking your heart---we will always be here for you.

Well, I think I will get a cold drink and sit a spell...just sit, and do nothing for a bit.

Thank you to all of you for your support and caring and prayers...it seems as though I am on the receiving end for a lot of each these days...I feel very blessed to have you all in my life.

[ericasmom]

OH Carol, I am so sorry that Ralph ended up in the hospital and dealing with pneumonia and that you have spent your energy yet again under a stressful situation. If I could, I would come over and insist on you resting, make you breakfast in the morning, drive you to the hospital and keep you company when you want it. I would help bring Ralph home when he is ready and stronger and whatever I could do to assist, I would. Prayers and hope to Ralph, to you, to your whole family, and there Mike stands, in the center.

deep sleep Carol

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Carol I am so sorry that Ralph is ill. It is wonderful that the care giver at the hospital is so caring and that you trust them. He is absolutely in the right place. I will your beautiful family in my prayers

Betsy I loved your Poem It was beautiful I too am so sory that you had to endure such miserable behavior after Rich passed. Remembering the difficult months and seeing where we are now, it is amazing that we all foun each other.

Dee your words touched my heart.

"You will know me

I will know you too

Our hearts will remembers the times we shared" It is so beautiful to feel and remember the times we shared and know that we care that with us always , as does Stephen

Sherry Be gentle with yourself theses days

Sus, Amy, Lisa, Colleen, Lori, Sharon, Karen, Trudi Thinking positive thoughts of you.

[shorty16]

Karen - We hold on one breath at a time - Literally!!! This is such a tough time - 9 months. We are here to hold you - we know your pain. Reality of not seeing our children in their physical body is a very tough pill to swallow. You are not a bummer - If you cannot say what you feel on this site, then where can you? We are here and have been there too.

Carol - The pneumonia came on fast? I am praying for Ralph and for you. About 3 week ago, we met some people from Conneticut (sp) that were traveling to each baseball park. This year was the Milwaukee Brewers park for them. We ask them what their favorite park was so far and of course Fenway came up. Fenway must be like Lambeau is to Football. So much history - I thought the Brewers played the White Socks this weekend, perhaps I am confused. Either way, I will be watching.

Sus - 7 little ones - You deserve a medal!!! It is amazing what we can do when we want to - hey!?!?! I am sure you made many memories with them. Memories that will carry them into the future and mold their lives. What a great person you are.

Sherry - Yes, I hope to help newbies at the CF meetings. I do not know why I came to this conclusion to go again, I just think I know too much about this journey. I have learned that I am a different person now and in some ways, I like myself better now. I just need to do something with this information I was forced to learn. I learned so much from everyone on this site, I know I can be a shoulder for those new to this journey.

Amy - It is harder for women to lose weight than men. If my husband skips a meal, he losses 3 pounds, If I miss a meal, I gain 2 - Just not fair. Good luck with the weight loss. Keep us informed.

Betsy - Well you made it though what I think is the toughest day of all - their birthday. The date we welcomed them into the world. The day we fell in love and became guardians to a most precious gift. Take care my friend. Did you say in a previous post that you biked through NYC or am I imagining things.

Well my indigo friends, I am meeting my sister at Dave and Buster's this Saturday @ noon. My sister has done a wonderful job of supporting my family even though she could never imagine the pain we are in. But is one of my best friends

Colleen

[dwsmithrn]

hi everyone....my computer is messed up for some reason and the fonts and colors won't come up as i post...also, the profile tab is 'down' and won't go back 'up'...i have no idea what is going on here...

anyway, i have had a rough couple of days....my GI track has been very sick and again, i lost 2 pounds which i greatly needed for my doctor's appt on monday....maybe i have time to gain it back before the big weigh-in...

yesterday, i got up, dressed, actually put on REAL clothes and was going to run some errands all by myself....got it all together and bravely opened the door to the garage...stood there, burst into tears, shut the door and stayed home....WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? i can't even go to a couple of stores by myself....is there something terribly wrong with me? i am really upset with myself....

i did, however work on the tablecloth i am making for Nathan's memorial table. it is almost finished. i hemmed it, and embroidered the Irish Blessing on the front. i just have to put the SC palm tree on two sides of it and it is done. then i can start adding the things i want on the table. i have the frames i want, just need to have some copies of photos made and hang the pics. i cried so much yesterday that i can hardly talk today. do you think i am doing ok? i wonder on some days.....yesterday i had the feeling ALL day that this was not real...it was just all a dream and this couldn't be real. i really felt that...i think i am just going crazy. am i drownding or what? also had another horrific bad dream, but don't remember details of it.

this is not the life for me. for any of us. why oh why oh why. my heart and mind are in constant conflict and i am too tired to fight either one of them.

just letting you know this crazy person is still around.....later...diane

[Guest msnher]

Diane - You sound normal to me. As Trudi says, "Normal in an abnormal situation". You can't judge yourself by what you used to be able to do. Just getting dressed in actual clothes is a milestone. And just because you did it one day doesn't mean you'll do it the next. There is nothing wrong with you, my friend. You are grieving. And grief is a powerfully painful, lonely, dark place with intervals of light. The intervals will last longer, with time. It is just too soon for you. Good luck on gaining the weight. I remember when that was one of my problems, too. The days about worrying because I was too skinny are gone.

Carol - I dreamed of you and Ralph last night. Ralph was driving us somewhere in Casper. It was a dream full of humor and frustration as he wouldn't go where you told him to. Then he stopped completely at a corner where firemen were collecting money and got out of the car to help them. We ended up walking. To where I have no idea.

Today is my Amanda's 32 birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LITTLE MISS! SURE LOVE YOU.

[westleysmom]

Diane-I can't tell you how many times the last year that I've thought to myself "You're a lunatic. No doubt about it." Everything seems topsy turvy and wrong and disorienting and surreal. Just putting one foot in front of the other is sometimes more than we can do, but we keep trying. It sounds like you are doing a lot getting the tablecloth ready and all, I think you're doing as good as you can. Hugs

Carol-So sorry that Ralph is in the hospital and hope that he gets better soon. Take care of you too.

Amy-Yes we seem to be on similar tracks in life right now. My friend's father died suddenly two months before Westley. She is still grieving him as I do my Daddy, but there's nothing like the death of your child to put the death of your Daddy in perspective. My Daddy was in the Navy during WWII, and worked his fingers to the bone for my Mama and us kids, but he had lived a long happy life and saw his grandchildren. My baby got none of that, and sometimes still I want to shake my fist at God and ask him Why? I'm sure you do too.

Lorri-I don't remember if I told you how much I liked the billboard. Thinking of you.

Betsy-Unreal how people can act. My friend Susan's Ex was kind of like that. He wanted the Christmas presents back that Andrew had gotten the week before he died. WTH? I think she showed remarkable restraint and I'm sure it wasn't easy for her or you. I'm so sorry that happened in the midst of the worst thing that ever happened to you.

Happy birthday Amanda!

We got a little rain and a few days of less than 90 degree weather, but I think its getting hot again in TN. I hope the weather's good where you are and that you all have as good a day as you can. I don't know what I'd have done without this place to come to.

[dwsmithrn]

thanks rhonda and sus.....i keep trying to hold on...you are right...some days i am holding on by a thread and some days i feel like the thread has gotten a little stronger....then i back track a little....but almost 5 months, and low and behold, i am still here. don't know how or why, but i am.

i updated nathans photo gallery....i am learning, even though it is a slow process for me....not computer savy...anyway, there are some new pics on there.

i know nathan's head looks 'big' on the avatar, that's because i had to crop it to get it to fit....he does have a rhater square jaw/face, but he's really not a big guy...certainly not a football player....he was a runner...track and cross country....he also completed 2 marathons. he is only 5'7 and weighed maybe 150#... he did work out at the gym for the muscles...all of my boys were small...the smallest of all is now the largest of all....you know that cop diet will get you everytime...so lee is now the biggest of all....he looks a lot taller in photos because he wears those big ole boots. he's still not that tall....he has lost a lot of weight through this whole thing, too. he looks better without the weight, but we sure didn't intend for him to do it this way. bless his heart. he really misses his best friend/brother. it's been really hard on him. since they only lived 5 miles apart, they were really close. did everything together and nate would just pop in and eat dinner with them several times a week; watch a movie with them; play with the 2 kids before going home to bed. this has really hurt us all in so many different ways, on so many different levels. i wish nathan could have known what was going to happen to his family before he got himself in such a deep, dark, sad place he couldn't crawl out of before this happened. i wish he could have been able to talk to someone. i still feel like i failed him. i wish i didn't feel that way, but i do. the guilt is almost as bad as the grief, or a part of it, i don't know. we see the counselor today...i will talk about that again today. it just seems to eat away at me, day after day after day. rationally, i know i probably could not have done anything to stop him, or change what he was feeling inside his sad and pain-stricken little heart, but if i had known, i would have tried. i am his mother, always and forever. how does a mother get through that?

[ericasmom]

Diane, I agree, the guilt is one of the hardest aspects of grief, it does eat one up so it is best to talk about it. Mothers and Dads too, to some degree, are just filled with guilt from the get-go, from birth on, every little issue that befalls our kids feels like we missed something. Eri's issues in school felt like I really failed her, and it is hard to reconcile when they are here, harder still when they are gone. Yes, here you are 5 months later and you don't know why or how. I felt and said that very thing, don't know why or how but I guess that is the way it is going to be. You hang on and know that we are holding you.

[dwsmithrn]

thanks dee...i'm still with you all...thanks for holding me up and holding my hand....seems like i just saw him and now coming up on 5 months since i saw that beautiful face and hugged him so dearly. he was a good hugger and quick to say 'i love you, mom'....now, to never see or hug or hear those words again is hard to live with....just 5 months ago, and now he's gone....as i said before. one step forward on one day, then 1000 steps backwards on another day. my brother says to me (one of my biggest supporters) it is what it is, even if it's not fair. he always says, just know that i love you, sis and i am always here for you no matter what the need is....you can caount on me...just a phone call away....he's a superman of a little brother. my immediate family, one close friend and you her on this site are all i have....my one sister is still not getting it, so we are longer the close 'friends' we used to be...it will never be right in that relationship again...that saddens me too. i can deal with it for now. i have others to call when i need to.

i am glad to be back on this site, i am...i realize i still need and may need you for a long, long, long, time....so thanks to all of you. no, reallu, thanks....your words help ease my soul, even on the darkest days when all i can do is read rather than post.....

diane

[lolynbo]

CAROL PRAYERS FOR OUR RALPHIE....HUGGS TO YOU BOTH...

SLEPT TIL 1030.....SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED....HATE HATE HATE JUNE

[dwsmithrn]

lorri...i'm sorry you are feeling so sad...understanderbly why...my first was mother's day. i dreaded that first MD, now, i don't know how i will get through any of the other holidays, or birthdays,or angel days....just friday alone is hard enough....even though it has only been almost 5 months, i still read all the posts and feel so helpless to say anything smart or possitive for those of you facing the special dates that make you so sad.  i want to, i know you need to hear something good....just know i am thinking of you and that weighs heavy on my heart and soul that so many are here and so many of you are going through those 'dates' right now and i love you all...my extended, helpful, caring little family......diane

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang, kind of quiet here. I have to shower and go to a meeting at the University up the avenue about 2 miles for the summer gifted class I am going to teach. It is a writing class for 4th and 5th graders, just a one week class, next week. I have to make sure that I am ready. I will be with these kids for 6 hours a day, eating lunch with them but the pay is good and we could use it, what with the house stuff and all. Wish me luck. After the meeting I will meet my dear old buddy, Mari for a casual dinner at a local place. I have known Mari for 34 years now. She is one of those friends who really gets it, easy to be with, we pick up where we left off.

I went for a very quiet very nice bike ride earlier today, just around her, went about 10 miles.

I will check in tonight before bed, good evening everyone.

Lorri,tomorrow is that suckiest day, and I am so sorry for the heartache you are feeling. Your Girl is shining on you, a star that glimmers and glitters in the heavens.

[lolynbo]

THANKS AGAIN GIRLS...I NO I FEEL JUST LIKE YAL DO DAILY...ITS AS IF...SHE NEVER WAS HERE....I CANT EVEN REMEMBER SO MUCH ABOUT MY KORKIE...LIKE IM LIVING A DREAM OR NOW WAS SHE THE DREAM..

PICKED UP HER FLOWERS FROM FLORIST SILK ARRANGMENTS COST AS MUCH AS IF I DID EM MY SELF..JUST HOPE THEY WITHSTAND THEAT DAMN WIND OUT THERE....GOING TO MOW AND WEED EAT AND PUT OUT NEW FLOWERS AND HER SOLOR LIGHT BLING TONIGHT...I WILL OF COURSE POST PICS...

WAS AT THE STOP LIGHT AND THE DIGITAL BB FLASHED MY BB JUST FOR ME...I SAID "THANK YOU"...SHE NOS I SEEN IT AND I NO SHE SEES IT....

HUGGS TO ALL...TRYING TO BREATHE

[lolynbo]

THIS IS A NEW SONG CALLED YOU MAKE BEAUTIFUL THINGS

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new

You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

[lolynbo]

KIMMY POSTED THIS PIC ON FB, SAYING "I WAITED FOR YOU TO COME, I CRIED WHEN YOU LEFT, YOU ARE WITH MY BY MY SIDE, TIL WE MEET AGAIN"...MADE ME CRY...

[mysonrich]

My computer isn't acting right either. Could be the charger again or battery, both?

Lorri, Kourtney looks great in the billboard picture, the color of her robe really compliments her pretty face.

Carol, you and Ralph have been going through so much. One thing after the other it seems. I hope Ralph is up and out of there in no time, back home with you to watch the games.

Dee, sounds like a challenging,rewarding teaching assignment. Enjoy.

Colleen, Its good to hear that you have a loving,supportive sister at your side. A very difficult day for you ,Scott and Brains sister and brother, a very hard month all together. How is everyone? I didn't bike NYC, Betty did.

Betty, Have you visited the shore lately? I remember the picture you shared of Stephen while at a shore house one summer. Did he continue to visit the shore as he ventured out on his own?

Diane, Rich wasn't a big guy in bulk. He was 6' and played football on Jr and Sr team. In one of his pictures you can see his neck,shoulders. All muscle. I was referring to Nathan having the same look.

Amanda, Happy Birthday !!!

Its been a long day. To everyone, a peaceful sleep.

[summergirl]

Just a quick stop by to post a pic of Tavian.....his little league team "the Yankees" came in 2nd place in the championship play-off. I am so proud of him and just wanted to share with my family here. Love, Peace and Strength - Kathy Talk soon....

[ericasmom]

Kathy, that Tav, looks just like his Mum. I love the paint on his cheeks. Congrats

Yes Betsy, it will be enjoyable/challenging for sure. I hoped for 10 or more kids, as 6 hours is a long time with just 6... oh well, I shall do what I can to make it interesting.

Lorri, I love what Kimmy put on her FB page. What a dear message. I love that you were able to see your Girl tonight while at the stoplight. Very special indeed.

Carol, peaceful times I hope.

Sus, forgot to acknowledge Amanda's birthday, I hope her birthday was a good one Sus, and that she is feeling well.

[mikesmomrs]

really late (early?) check in...have had a day that should have had at least 8 more hours in it...running around like a chicken with my head cut off...had to do some errands with Davis...he was NOT in a good mood, so things were tense...hot, hot, HOT weather...92 most of the day...sun beating down. arggghhh. Davis's friend, B, brother of C who was killed in the car accident, left today for Kansas to spend some time with his dad and dad's "new" family. They do seem to love B, so maybe things will be better for him. Davis, meanwhile, is LOST. He followed me around today like a puppy, which would have been okay, but the hot weather and frustration got to him and the day ended in a truce, finally. I am trying.

Ralph is doing better, but they can't seem to get the heart rate balanced with the blood pressure, so they are keeping him at least another day. He didn't get much sleep on Wed night, so he tried to sleep this afternoon, so I did errands and let him sleep. Told him to turn his cell off and if I really needed him, I would call him on the phone in his room. He managed to get a couple of hours, so felt better this evening. Didn't get in to see him til 4:30. Left at 6:30 and back at 9 to finish up the game with him. Davis came with me and stayed for a short visit, seemed in a better mood. Thank you all for your continued good thoughts for Ralph's healing. Possible he may go home by Saturday, if they get the heart rate/blood pressure balanced.

Rhonda: Hope the weather evens out and you might see some cooler days...but that is unlikely in Tennessee this time of year, though, isn't it...I was only there twice, and both times it was hot as could be! Once, we were driving through on our way to Mississippi to see Ralph's family, and another time I had to do training for work in Nashville...in August...good thing about that though was that we got to stay at the Opryland Hotel (really beautiful), and also got to go to the Grand ol' Opry, which Ralph listened to on the radio every night when he was growing up. We had a really great week there.

Lorri: Kourt was definitely with you at that stop sign, telling you she loves the BB as much as we do and thanking you for your thoughtfulness. Holding you close. thank you for your prayers for Ralph.

Colleen: thanks for your prayers, as well, and will be holding you close in my heart this weekend. STay close to each other...hold onto each other..."Brain" is with all of you.

Kathy: thanks for sharing the great pic of Tav...love the look, but the "NY"...hmm...I am partial to Red and White, as in the Red Sox, but Tav looks cute in his Yankees hat. Jamie's team also placed second, but I don't have his pic yet. It was raining when they handed out the trophies so pics came later. Congrats to Tavian and his team!

Sus: I talked with your sweet Amanda tonight, wishing her happy birthday. She was going out with her husband for sushi...she sounded pretty excited about it...she was actually coming to a restaurant here in Dover, where we live. I've seen it in my travels...looks like a fun place, but, they can keep the sushi... Thank you for your thoughts for Ralph. I told him of your dream, and he said to tell you that seeing him driving around Casper in your dream is likely the only place you would ever see him doing that! By the way, I meant to tell you, I too think you are incredible to be taking care of SEVEN kids!

Dee: It sounds like you are going to be well-prepared, as usual, for this class you are doing next week...the kids will benefit from just being with you, and of course, you will enjoy it as well. I hope the weather dries up some and the painters can finish your house soon...perhaps when you finish your class, you will face a finished house... I forgot to tell you that Jamie was "elected" in his class to write a song as a parting gift for their teacher...they were doing a little "show" for him (the teacher) and the highlight was the song. Jamie wrote a rap...he did it for me the day before and it was quite good. Turned out that he did a really good job and the class voted him the "top act" for the show...he was SO excited. Afterwards, the kids all kept coming up to him and telling him how good it was, and the way he did it was perfect. I guess he inherited his mother's showmanship. Writing the words is only half the battle, being able to carry it off is the other...seems he did both. I am so glad for him. Good note for him to start the summer on.

Betsy, Betty, and all: thanks for your kind words for Ralph...it amazes him when I tell him of so many here wishing him well...

Diane: I am so glad that you are going to be on the site more...keeping in touch and letting us reach out to you is a good thing. We all truly understand where you are coming from, we "get it" as many here have said. And no, you are NOT crazy for not being able to go out. I did go out, but only because I had no choice in the matter, I had to work. But, when I would go to the store for groceries, I can remember standing there in front of the shelves, with a hand basket in my hand, just looking back and forth and then finally just setting the basket down and leaving the store. This went on for a pretty long time. I still have trouble with it, but can do it now and finish it at least. As others have said, some days just getting up is good, and getting dressed is a bonus.

Lori: Hope you are doing okay, and you too Sharon, and all of those who have come to BI in recent months...this is a tough journey, and we want to be here for you...please know that we hold you close in our hearts always.

I was cleaning off some of the pics on my cell today, while I was waiting for Davis to meet me at the store. I can't remember if I shared this with you all or not...it is a pic I snapped with my cell phone of Damon the night that he spent the night here with his brothers, a few weeks ago. He had just fallen asleep on the sofa...there was nothing behind him to make this reflection, just the back of the sofa. Looks like an angel was watching over this angel...

[Guest msnher]

KOURTNEY - Remembering you today and everyday.....please send a little sign to your family and momma today!

hugs to you, Lorri!

[hotrod]

Dear Sweet Beautiful Kourtney

Remembering You

This Day

[shorty16]

Kourtney

Kourtney

Kourtney

Kourtney

Kourtney

Kourtney

Kourtney

May the Wings of your angel fly by and embrace you today and always on Kourtney's 3rd angelversary - Thinking of you and your family Lorri

Colleen

[shorty16]

Kathy

Congrats to Tavian on his teams second place showing. I agree, he does look like his Mom - what a gift to you. I am still a grandma - wanna-be.

Also, good job to you and your family for the work it takes to get Tavian to practice, games, and special events. That is alot of work and your angel is smiling down on you.

Colleen

[nicksdad]

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Carol What a sweet picture of a wonderful little boy So peaceful and happy You are a fantastic lady Praying for Ralph and all the young people who are troubled. Please try to rest yourself

Dee I agree your class sounds intense I know that the children will experience a fantastic benefit from the experience of your wisdom.

Betsy Yes Stephen had purchased a house in Long Branch just minutes from my sister. It was a cute perfect home for him (nothing like my sisters) he loved it.. I have been going to her house each week I love to paint so I have been painting out door furniture and decks and everything that does not move. It is good for my mental health. Thanks for remembering that Stephen loved Bruce !!! Everytime I am out and hear Bruce's music, I stop and smile. I feel Stephen is right there with me. Sorry to hear about the loss of the Band memmber. He was a powerful musician. I am so sorry that you had such difficulty the first few years after loosing Rich. I know that nature and photography helped. our pictures were/are beautiful.

Trudi Hope you are staying warm and tha mal is recovering

Sherry how is your nest. My eagles have left the nest and are "branching" on a tree. Mom and Dad were with them last evening but today they are alone. 2 of the 3 little hawks in Franklin Institute have fledged successfully . The third fell to ground and sat there!!. All the people, who have been following them called the Institute and it was rescued and put back in the nest. It has not ventured out since. His brothers have come back to visit and sleep with him, but he is still there.. It is very rewarding to watch these little ones grow and experience life.

Diane Good luck with your Doctor's appointment

Sus, Colleen, Rhonda, Sharon, Amy, Crystal, Lisa and all Indigos please be gentle with yourselves

[briansdad]

Colleen this song is for your Brian ( Brain )

[mysonrich]

Kourtney...Kourtney........Kourtney. Angel in heaven and angel on earth working with your mom and others at Kourtneys Kloset.

[ericasmom]

KOURTNEY THE BEAUTIFUL ...

You are so loved and so missed. Your incredible strength reaches so many on this old Earth, those that know and love you are fueled by your energy while those that never met you are sustained by your care.

Breeze past each member of your family and kiss them each and all of your friends blessing them with the peace that you are in.

Lorri, on this third anniversary I wish you many signs of your Angel Kourtney.

[briansdad]

Lorri,this is for you.Remember You're NEVER alone.

[ericasmom]

Carol and Betty, don't know if I am going to be able to give the kids from my class quite enough, but I sure hope so. I have to go shop for some fun paper and cool pens and some other things to infuse some difference than regular school. We will make journals from these special papers and a chopstick to hold them together. Fun stuff, now what will we do with the other 5 hours in the day...just kidding.

Carol, I am thrilled that Jamie wrote and performed a rap for his teacher. My goodness what a change in him in a short time. I love that he is finding himself and his confidence along the way. May it continue. And Davis, grumpy in the heat and feeling as though he is back at square one when in fact he help boost his friend from despair to functional. I would say that Davis, while feeling lost, may realize that he has a talent in his empathy. He has to learn how to temper it with staying out of depression, but hey, I kind of see a future social worker in him. And I am glad his mood lightened with you later. Prayers continue for Mr. Ralph. Hugs to you all. Love the shining angel that watched over Damon that night. Go Mike!

Greg, thank you for Beautiful Boy, I used to sing that about Jonathan. And I will again. Love it.

[westleysmom]

Kourtney Lynn you are missed every moment of every day by your Mama and all who love you. Smile on them today and each day and know that you are loved.

Lorri-There are never any words that seem to be enough, but know that you are loved too. Hugs

Carol-Such a sweet picture of Damon with his guardian angel close by. Good for Jamie too on his baseball season. I hope Davis doesn't drive you nuts while his friend is away. Give Ralph hugs from TN.

Kathy-Tav does look so much like Jessica. Congrats on the good season.

Diane-Hang in there. Every day doesn't feel like a victory, but just getting through them really is.

Dee-I'm sure the class next week will be enriching for the kids and you too. And hopefully there is air conditioning?

Colleen-These days must be very difficult. Thinking of you as you find your way through.

Susannah-You still making it with all those kids? I hope they don't have you tied up in the laundry room, know how laundry is the bane of your existence.

Hugs to all today as Father's Day and all that it entails with touching commercials of family time is upon us.