Loss of an Adult Child

[shorty16]

Rhonda - It is funny how each of us deal with our children's things in a different way. After Brian died, Aaron used his room as a TV, X-Box, Hangout room. I was not comfortable having a bed in that room, because girls as well as boys went down there (AJ was 14 at the time). Therefore, we cleared out his stuff and made the room into a TV room. Brian did not have a bank account, because he spent his money faster than he made it.

Sherry - Our Iris's are in full bloom now and so beautiful. My Mother had not only a green thumb, but a green body. She had a Christmas Cactus that she got to bloom twice a year. Now I have it and it does not bloom at all. So sad. As for Church festivals, Wisconsin has a heavy Catholic population and these festivals are huge money raisers for them. Scott and I enjoy the cheap entertainment. We used to take the kids to these all the time. Good memories.

To all my friends

Short work week and Scott and I will try to go out tonight. We watched the movie "The Box" The premise is if you push this button, someone they do not know will die, but the person who pushes the button will get 1 million dollars. I could not believe how many people pushed that button. 1 million dollars is not worth knowing you put someone else in this pain. It saddens me to think what people will do for money.

I want to end this with a happy note. It will be a sunny, warm weekend in Wisconsin. YEAH!!!! The summers are so short here, that every good weekend has to be savored. That I can do.

Love to all my friends.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lolynbo]

I STILL HAVE KOURTNEYS PURSE WITH EVERYTHING STILL IN IT, HER CHECK BOOK, HER CHK REGISTER, IT IS THE ONLY CHEK REG SHE EVER HAD IT LOOKS LIKE CUZ SOME OF THE TRANSACTIONS ARE FROM WHEN SHE HAD HER FIRST DODGE TRK THAT SHE WOULD DRAG RACE I LATER FOUND OUT.......NOTHING MUCH ELSE IN IT, CEPT PAPERS, AND LIP GLOSS, SHE WASNT A GIRLIE GIRL BUT SHE DID HAVE A PURSE, SHE DIDNT HAVE TIME TO YET GROW INTO TOO THE WOMAN SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO BE SO IT STILL WAS A YOUNG GIRLS PURSE....I WOULDNT TAKE A MILLION DOLLARS FOR ANYTHING OF MY BB GIRLS..... AND YES ITS A SAD LIFE IF ANYONE NEW SOME OF THE THINGS WE ALL DO AND HAVE ON DAY TO DAY BASES, THEYD PROB HAUL US ALL OFF TO LOONEY LAND....

BE BLESSED MY FRIENDS

[ericasmom]

Eri died in Kalamazoo Michigan in 2003. We live, and she and Jon were brought up here just outside of Chicago. SHe and JOn were sharing a house with friends in Michigan so I had to go clean out her room. There were power puff girl lights strung around her room, so funny. Her clothing was packed, some of her friends met us there to help and so we let them take clothing at will, I just had dibs on certain things. Unfortunately, her camera and one of her coats that I bought her and her dress that we bought together for her cousin's wedding the summer before were missing. She lent things out with ease, so it could have been that but I think her camera and tripod were taken by a girl that was not a good person, actually she was but I think was mentally ill. She went to the house while we were all at the hospital and a neighbor had reported seeing her there, she was not supposed to go back to their home as she had done some sketchy things over the previous months...anyhow, we packed up what we wanted to keep or give away to cousins, and we let the Kalamazoo kids take what they wanted...I gave her purple velveteen bedcover to her cousin Matt, he always loved it, and many of her little shirts and dresses went to her closest friend and cousins that live here. I kept her graduation gown, (white) and her bridesmaid gown and shoes, (from my wedding) along with a few other items. I wear the necklace that I gave her for her last Christmas, a crystal on a black cord. It was hanging there on her wall, she took care of it and that alone made me grateful. She was hard on things.

Her room had been turned into a guest room back at our house at her urging, she said she was not going to come home as she had just signed a new lease on a place there in Kalamazoo with friends for the upcoming season. She came and surprised me three days prior to being hit by the train, and there she saw her old bedroom painted and turned into our guest room. She said it was a perfect place for guests and was glad that the old tiny guest room was no w my office. She was happy in her new life in K-city. She loved it there and loved being an adult, albeit a young adult. She was learning the fine art of decision making, responsibility, and while not great at it, she was enjoying learning, trial by error. She was very happy in her life.

A friend who works here came to me to report a dream of Eri yesterday. Together we cried as we stood by the windows that look out on the tree lined bird filled trees. She dreamed she heard a bird calling and flyingback and forth back and forth. Susie watched it in her dream and finally asked the bird, "what are you doing?"

the bird replied, " I am making sure the kids cross safely." When it flew then, it yelled out, "ERI, ERI,ERI." Susie said she woke up feeling so happy and when she told me I said, I always picture Eri being the helper to those crossing over...powerful stuff, a great message from Eri, she is helping the kids cross safely.

[shorty16]

Dee

What a cool dream your friend shared with you. Helping other children cross to the other side and become an angel (that is what she was talking about - right?)

Sad to know that Eri has so many children to help cross over. Each of those children have a Mom and Dad that join us in this journey that never ends.

To all

We have a shadow-box in our living room about 2' x 3' that contains Brian's drawings, his license, artwork, pictures and other things that are special to us.

Something I also noticed - We have more pictures of Brian up on our walls than the other 2 kids combined - does anyone else have that?

Love to my friends today and always

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Sending love and light to you all.

[summergirl]

Hello my dear indigos - I have been having a hard time getting back here - big problems with logging in but with help from Eric (thank you) I am finally able to post. I cannot tell you how much I have missed being here but the break has done me good. I am sorry to say that each time I came on I felt as though I was going back in time, with each new member that arrived here I was thrown back to the day I lost Jessica and it was more than I could handle.....I wish I could have been able to handle it the way others here have. I apologize to all the new members here for not being there for you......I will try my best to get to know each of you with time.

Our lives have been busy with yard work, getting the screens for windows scrapped and painted, gardening and on top of that found a leak in our camper which is now being fixed by my hubby so we can go camping. First year we have missed camping Memorial weekend but ended up having a nice time being together anyway. Tavian has been busy with little league, his team is in 2nd place and if they win the next 2 games we go to the play-offs.....they won tonight with a score of 13 to 2.... He has also been busy with his friend Will, getting up at 5 am on weekends and going in the boat to pull the traps and nets, it is a new experience for him and he loves it....I will post a pic.

On a sad note my dad is very sick in the hospital, he has pnenomia (sp) again, an infection he is trying to fight and they found out today that his heart is not good. I talk to my sister each day, today she cried as she told me that dad said to her "I am tired of fighting, you have to let me go, you will be ok, I just want to go home" - I have cried so many tears and I am so torn as to what to do......I am afraid if I go and stay a couple of weeks and then have to return for work etc and then I come back and something happens then I will have to go back again and I do not know if I am strong enough to do that....my sister told me she thought I should wait until the doctor says I should come but I do not want to be to late ... Right now all I want is to be sitting by his bedside holding his hand and letting him know that it is ok to go home, Jessica is waiting for him with hugs when he is ready. I have already lost my future when I lost Jessica, now I will lose the past when my dad goes. It is a diffacult time....

I have Jessica's wallet also filled with everything just as it was. I have her pocketbook also with everything in it as it was. Someone mentioned "the smell" and how true that is......I spray a bit of her favorite perfume and it as though she is in the room with me. Last Sinday Barry and I were working outside and Jessica's best-friend Ashley had called and said she was gonna stop by and have a cold beer with us...I was working on the screens, singing to the radio and I heard a noise and looked up and I swore I saw Jessica, I couldn't breathe, I looked at Barry and I saud I just saw Jessica and I turned around and there was Ashley - I almost fell to the ground as the feeling of seeing her was so strong and real....but it was Ashley......all I know is that for a moment I saw my Jessica, I know I did.

I am going to try and post some pics and then call my sister so I will say good nite. It is so good to be back here among you my friends. Love, Peace and Strength, Kathy

The pics are Tavian and Will with a "sand shark", the next he is enjoying steamed mussels in white wine and the third he is chowing down on Blowfish !!!! Love to all

[ericasmom]

Kathy, good to see you adn the photos of Tav and his friend. SOunds like summer is on at your house. Is Tav done with school? Hey, most of us took a hiatus away from this site for a time. Most of us for the same kinds of reasons, sometimes it feels to much like the first days when new folks come. We can take breaks when we need, it is not a bad or weak thing to do. When you come back you are stronger than before.

Sorry that your Dad is ill, I know the hardship of being home waiting adn the worry that you will not get there in time. Could you in any way go there for a quick two days so taht you spend a bit of time with him to let him know it is okay to leave...and then return when it is time?

Lorri, forgot to tell you that I am thrilled that Baby BoyKody's mdical reports werer good news ...thanks.

Yep Col, she is helping others cross over but Susie thought that Eri was helping kids cross the street, but when I said crossing over, she cried and said, " YES."

falling asleep I am so tired so goodnight all,

[shorty16]

My favorite quote:

I cannot put my grief into words, for it would bankrupt the vocabulary of all the languages" Samuel Clemmens AKA Tom Sawyer

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Sherry Reading about your card from Davey that had the small kittens and the words "From Both of US " really touched my heart and brought a lump to my throat.. How very special.!!! I too have kept all the cards and look at them with great love from time to time. Your flowers sound so beautiful Glad you decorated your table.

Lori Glad Kody's medical test were positive Wish I could loose the 10 lbs I gained when I stopped smoking !! What was his secret?

.

Rhonda I still have Stephen's wallet in tact and his TV remote, chap stick and little tape recorder he used to remind himself to do things They are treasures.

Colleen The quote is so very true. Our Grief is just so deep. Beeautiful thought.

Dee I too love the colors you have selected Hope you post the finished product.

Trudi How was the test?

Leah,Carol, Betsy, Karen, Sharon. Crystal Kathy and all Indigos go gentle to day

[lolynbo]

THANKS GALS...HE CUT OUT SODIE POPS, LESS SWEETS ...AND IM TRYING TO WATCH WHEN HE EATS NOT LATE AT NIGHT....I NO 5 PDS ISNT MUCH (ACCORDING TO OUR SCALES IT WAS 10) BUT THE DOC WAS HAPPY...

WE STILL CHEAT CUZ 18 YR OLD BOYS LOVE TO EAT...BUT JUST MAINLY WATCH WHEN HES EATING...

EVERYONE HAVE A BLESSED DAY ...HUGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSS

[mikesmomrs]

I know this is the "day after" down under, but want to say (and, who knows what the time zone is in heaven!)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHEAL SHANE, HAPPY BIRTHDAY... Celebrate with our angels, play your guitar, sing of your memories and dreams...please surround your beautiful MUM with your sweet spirit, let her know that, as always, you are with her, guide her spirit to know that.

My dear friend, Trudi: Please know that my arms are wrapped about you, I stand with you as you think of your wonderful son, Micheal, and hold onto the sweet memories of his life here with you and Melissa and Steven...and all who have come after them..."I hope you are able to find some laughter in your memories"...a quote from a beautiful friend whom I hold so dear..Miss Trudi.

From the cutest of babes, to the sweetest of men...MICHEAL SHANE...You are loved and remembered...forever!

[lolynbo]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL SHANE...HUGGGS MUM AND DAD..

MICHAEL MICHAEL MICHAEL

[daniellemom]

Happy Birthday Michael Shane!!! What a wonderful Dad/Son/Brother/ and Friend you are! Please send your Mum a little whisper today.

Hello oeveryone, it's been a long time. I will try to catch up sometime later, just wanted to tell everyone hello and that I think of you and your children everyday. My thoughts and prayers are never too far of this site and the wonderful people that post here. There has been a lot going on lately.

[heartbeataway]

I was out front today, pulling a few weeds while Rich was setting up the sprinkler. All of a sudden there were several white butterflies dancing around me. They would land and be all in a row and then spritz off again soaring and dipping .......

My mind immediately went to our children out scouting about and having fun together. I ended up sitting on the front stoop and watching them. The fact that they were white also made me think of angels ..... so, I felt special because I had a visit from "butterfly angels". And if it's any comfort, they seemed really happy!

[ericasmom]

MICHEAL SHANE

MICHEAL SHANE

MICHEAL SHANE

I hope that you dance your way through this marvelous date, the date that brought you to your marvelous Mum and family. Please smile on your whole family, especially on this day, so that each of them know of your peace and joy, let them have a moment of your serenity so that they know that you are more than fine. Beautiful Boy, help us to remember how to do our best each day, in the light that you and the other kids have left us, let us do you proud.

Trudi, I hope that this day brings more joy than anything else, joy and miracles. You are one tiny woman with one giant heart, I am so glad to know you. Meerkats Sweetie.

[ericasmom]

Indeed those little white angel butterflies enjoyed your garden Bonnie, loved hovering near one so sweet-you. Glad that you sat and watched them dance and play.

Betty, I will most definitely post a photo after it is done, it has yet to be started.

Col, love that saying as well.

Just got home from down on th elakefront to watch my students run in a 5K for Girls on the Run, a wonderful program that teaches girls to be strong and to follow the right paths and while learning this, to learn to run and strengthen ones body. There were thousands running, I got stuck in really bad construction traffic so only got there when they just finished but they were glad that a teacher came. Two of us actually just like last year. I am so proud of them, running in 88 degree humid weather and feeling every step with pride and power...wish we had this when Erz was young.

Sonya, so good to see Dani's beautiful smile today, how are you all?

[westleysmom]

Happy heavenly birthday, Micheal Shane!

Trudi-Hugs to you as you remember your sweet boy and hold the memories close. I hope that they bring smiles with the tears that surely come.

Sonya-So good to see you and Danielle's pretty face. I know what you mean, life just gets crazy busy sometimes.

So hot here you can barely breathe. And the rains that we had earlier that caused flooding have all disappeared. I hope we get some soon for the farmers and gardeners. Tomorrow is CJ's graduation ceremony and I'm going to go to cheer for him. He has had trouble finding a job and my husband is trying him out at carpentering since they have gotten kind of busy. I hope that it works out, that kind of work is hard to get the hang of and my husband is not the world's best teacher or most patient man. I went this morning with my daughter to get my granddaughter's 3 year old picture made, they turned out really good. She got her first real haircut a few days ago and is sporting a little pageboy with bangs. She's adorable of course. I feel so bad that sometimes all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry, when I have such blessings still in my life. It's just hard sometimes to see what you have when you can't forget what you've lost. I used to think I was a happy person and now I just feel sad and I don't know if I will ever feel truly happy again.

You are all in my thoughts everyday.

[shorty16]

Micheal Shane

Micheal Shane

Micheal Shane

Micheal Shane

Saying your name loud and clear. Happy Heavenly Birthday

Thinking of you Trudi

Colleen

[Guest msnher]

Happy Belly Button Day, Micheal!! Hugs to you, Trudi!

[hotrod]

Happy Birthday Micheal Shane

Trudie Thinking of you

[summergirl]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET MICHEAL SHANE......A WHISPER TO YOUR MUM AS SHE REMEMBERS YOU THIS DAY

SWEET TRUDI - VIRTUAL HUGS TO YOU MY FRIEND

[summergirl]

DEE - THANK YOU - IT IS ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY "IT IS OK" NO, TAVIAN DOES NOT GET OUT OF SCHOOL FOR THE SUMMER UNTIL JUNE 24TH.....THEN THEY GO BACK AFTER LABOR DAY. YES, SUMMER HAS ARRIVED HERE IN NEW YORK, AT THE BEACH TODAY, TAVIAN FISHING AND ME SOAKING UP SOME MUCH NEEDED SUNSHINE AND RELAXING ALTHOUGH MY MIND IS CONSTANTLY ON MY DAD. NO, I CANNOT NOT FLY 1300 MILES FOR JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS, I WANT TO GO AND STAY AT LEAST 2 WEEKS, HELP MY SISTER OUT AND SPEND TIME WITH MY DAD AND MOM. I TALKED TO MY SISTER JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO AND SHE SAID THEY FOUND AN INFECTION IN MY DADS INTESTINES, A BLOCKAGE SO HE IS ON MEDICATION FOR THAT......WAS GLAD TO HEAR THEY FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHY HIS STOMACH WAS HURTING ALL THE TIME. THE DOCTOR SAID HE NEEDS LOTS OF REST AND SLEEP AND HE BELIEVES HE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS BUT IT IS IN GOD'S HANDS AS WE ALL KNOW. MY DAD TOLD MY SISTER THAT HE DOES NOT WANT ME AND MY BROTHER TO COME AND SEE HIM, NOT SURE WHY BUT I WILL NOT QUESTION HIM, I WILL BE THERE WHEN I NEED TO BE.

I LOVE THE BUTTERFLIES BONNIE - DANCING AROUND THE GARDEN....I AM ALWAYS THRILLED WHEN I SEE THE FIRST ONE OF THE SEASON AS I KNOW MY JESSICA IS VISITING. LOVE, STRENGTH AND PEACE, KATHY

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday,

Micheal Shane .

[briansdad]

Happy Heavenly Birthday to the wonder from down under!!!!!!!

[briansdad]

Here is the video of Alyssa's butterfly kiss.

[ericasmom]

Oh Greg, that was a delight pure and simple. Alyssa is the picture of her Daddy. The photo of her smiling and her eyebrow cocked looks so much like the photo of Brian that greets us, Daddy's little girl indeed, and your beautiful Son's Daughter. Thanks for sharing Greg.

Rhonda, I hope that it cools off a bit for you and rains too. We received both of those, rain that brought the cooler temps. It is down to the low 70's after being in the low 90's so I am happy and just about ready to lie down with the breeze from the windows adn sleep. Our rains came in the form of powerful storms, the air was alive with sound, like growling before the rain came, it was a strange thunder happening all around, and low.

Kathy, prayers for your Poppa.

Sleep tight Everyone, dream sweetly.

[mikesmum]

To My Indigo Family. Thank you all for 'saying his name' and remembering my boy.

The day started well. I woke feeling sad, but okay. Then Steve rang to 'check in'. My brother sms'd and I just lost it. That cant breathe feeling grabbed me and I fell apart.

I planned to take Muttley to a Day in the Park so that was my focus. Mikes dog Kody is still with Lauren and I wanted to do something that Mike might have done on his 36th birthday.

So many messages on FB too. Lauren's broke my heart.....Happy birthday hon xoxoxo Love you always and miss you forever xoxox.

Greg - I love that video. Sorry but I believe Brian is somewhere in that image...the gentle butterfly kiss.

Its Sunday here. Have settled into calligraphy practice, its too cold this afternoon to be outside.

Again thank you all of you who know.....

Micheal Shane, Kody & the beach...... B) B) Oh yeah

[andy88]

Happy Birthday Micheal Shane!!!!!!!!!!

[ericasmom]

MIchael Shane loves you forever Trudi. Stay warm and cozy and know that we are holding you.

Morning All, the sky promises some rain, the red-winged blackbird is trilling, I am feeling the need for quiet. I've much to do, must get it all done. Tomorrow is the last full day of school, meeting only for anhour on Tuesday. I feel tears however, stinging at the backs of my eyes.

[Guest msnher]

Hello Indigo Family;

Not much to report these days. I am still enjoying the peace that has settled my thoughts. I am sure meditation has a huge part in this calm. I catch myself trying to play the mind games that torture a soul, but seem to be able to bring myself back into the present moment. Seems to be the key. We'll see. I'm sure I'll let you know if it falls apart.

On impulse I bought the electric cigarette to try to quit smoking. I quickly discovered that the addiction to smoking is so much more than the poison I've been putting in my system all these years. It's holding the cigarette, flicking the ashes, watching it burn. It's the way the butt of the cigarette feels in between my lips. The electric cigarette offers none of that and takes some getting used to. It is similar to chewing nicorette gum or wearing the patch. It offers a reprieve for the nicotine craving and I am satisfied when I inhale the vapors. The plus of not smoking regular cigarettes is obvious. There is also the added bonus of not having to worry about fire or anyone getting burned, which was not a huge worry for me because I never smoked in my car or in my house but there are times the kids run too close and I have to quickly move my cigarette out of their way. I have to be careful not to set it down like I would a pen and forget where I put it. There's only one "cigarette" that is charged. I bought the bigger package at about $200.00 (less than four cartons of cigarettes - in Casper). There are filters that will need replaced and I don't remember how much they cost; less than cigarettes, but still pricey...but they last longer. Gary and I noticed a slight odor with them but have not been able to determine if it is foul or not. Another advantage is I can "take a drag" sitting in my bed or in the living room. I have seen others smoke them in designated non smoking areas. I think that is tacky (personal opinion) so I don't think I will do that. Anyway, in case any of you have wondered about them, the above is what I have experienced in the less than 24 hours that I've been using them. My son said smoking them is like an alcoholic drinking O'dools....why bother. He also said inhaling one is quite similar to inhaling "dope". So, if someone is an ex drug user and trying to quit smoking, this might not be the best option.

There you have it.

Love and light to you all. Susannah

[Guest msnher]

PS - My daughter in law is also trying to quit smoking via the electronic cigarette. We still met outside to smoke together a couple of times yesterdays. The kids got a hoot out of that. Smoking these is similar to a biker switching to a mo-ped (sp?). Froom, froom.

[shorty16]

Butterflies, what a great topic for discussion.

I take Brian's dog swimming at Lannon Quarry and each time I have seen beautiful yellow-swallow-tail butterflies. They are beautiful.

These butterflies are the living image of our children changing from earthbound beings to angels. From walking on this earth to flying with our Lord and the other angels.

Bonnie, Greg and others have commented on the beauty of the butterflies. Loved the video, Greg and WOW how She looks like Brian. As I have said before - I am a Grandma wanna-be. Believe it or not, I was hoping some girl would come to us and tell us she was pregnant with Brian's Child, but it was not meant to be.

For those of you that have living blessing from your Angels, I love hearing about how their lives progress, but am forever sad that Brian never had a child, but at 16, I can understand.

Also - My daughter, Michelle has taken over administration of Brian's facebook page: R.I.P. Brian Jackson. She added 26 pictures and has had over 100 comments on them. I am so happy my Brian is not forgotten.

Trudi - BI really came through for you. We will never forget your Micheal Shane and the many posts prove that - really cool.

Love to all.

Colleen

[westleysmom]

Greg-I can't believe how much Alyssa looks like Brian and how grown up she looks. I'm so glad you got to have that special time with her. Thanks for the video.

Dee-I always said I could never teach school because they'd put me in prison for strangling one of the little darlings after about a week of school. But... if I made it through that, I woud be so sad to say good bye to them because they would feel like my own kids by the end of the year. I don't know how you do it, but I'm so glad for teachers like you that really pour themselves into teaching young kids every year. You have my thanks and respect.

I hope that Sunday is restful and peaceful for all.

[mysonrich]

]Hello Indigo's, I have been trying to keep busy and my mind preoccupied so that I don't think so much about Richie’s birthday on the 14^th. Still my thoughts veer off ontp a path that takes me to his graduation and such a short time he lived after that. The darkness falls upon my thoughts and I have learned to some degree to reroute them,but still, I feel the darkness has it's place on this path.

I have been watching a bird for the past month or so. I even traipsed around the yard in my nightshirt and sneakers in an attempt to get a picture.( no worries, no one around to see that site ) No luck. He is way to fast when flying by and when I get near,off he goes. I don't believe I have ever seen this bird stay around the area and I think its a Baltimore Oriole. Below is a picture from a website. As I said, he is too fast for me.

Last week I saw a black bear crossing the road. My words” oh my god, that IS a bear” Not unusual for many on this site with many of you living in more remote regions so this bear was a big surprise!!

Greg, beautiful video and Alyssa does look so much like Brian.

Kathy, Tavian is growing so fast. Its looks as if he has a great new friend with lots of adventure in the future.

Sonya, your beautiful girl , missed here too.

Bonnie , so good to see Jason’s smile and the tale of the butterflies.

I have been busy. Memorial day picnic which was fun and a lot of work. The weather was extermley hot last week so good that the temps have come down some. I was sadden to read of a little girl that fell form the Ferris wheel in one of my best loved,happy memories places. I have been on that Ferris wheel and I look “out” and never down. I don't know why anyone would have let her in the car alone. My prayers for her family and many,many others that I read of each day.

Sherry,Dee, Rhonda, Sus, Betty, Leah, Pam, Dan,Colleen,Lori,Lorri,..everyone, you are thought of each day.

Rich having fun in Philadelphia when Sarah leased this very old home while attending college. The original house was probably there when Washington walked to streets. He had fun. Sister and brother were friends. Do you see the other person in the pic?

[ericasmom]

Two great photos Betsy, so glad to see Rich and that magnetic grin of his. Yes, I see another in the photo, could it be you? I love the Baltimore Oriole, so very beautiful and stately. I can usually tell what time it is each morning according to the sounds of birds. If I wake up and the robins are starting up, I know that it is around 3:45 AM and then if I wake and the finch are shouting out, it is about 5:00 and today, I woke to the trilling of the red-wing blackbirds, I said it must be around 7:30, it was 7:25. You are good wtih your camera Betsy. Great house to rent.

Col, I think that Michele taking over Brian's FB is a great way for her to work through this loss, finding her way through her heart and his legacy. Hooray for her.

Yes Rhonda, i do have a hard time letting go, they are pieces of my heart, I take them with me, and some of them take me with them.

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Greg Great video Such a precious treasure Your grand daughter and the video of the butterfly

Colleen I agree, it is great that Brian's Face book Page has messages from is friends and that you daughter is updating it Nice gift to you. He naturally will not be forgotten

Dear Trudie I am sorry that Micheal's day was so hard. Glad you took care of yourself and I do hope Sir Mutley stayed around for some extra love. Touching picture of Nicheal and his pup

Betsy Great to see you and the pictures. The bird is beautiful . I found a small one outside my apartment this AM he could only fly a little so I brought him home. He was too frightened and was flying around in the cage frantically so I thought I better bring him back and maybe his mom would find him and feed him. I hope so.

I truly laughed out loud picturing you chasing around in the morning in your nightshirt and sneakers trying to get your pictures and finding a Bear as well!!! You were successful and determined . It is a great shot I loved seeing the picture of Rich in the old home . He was so very happy and carefree Those are the great memories that I hold on to. Take care Betsy. I know this is a hard month. Wildwood was my good time NJ shore town as well. Maybe we past each other on the rides

Sus Good luck stopping smoking. I too tried the electric cigarette but I needed my nicotine fix too much and surrendered shortly after buying it. I was successful using the new med Chantrix It allowed me to smoke (real cigs) while I took the pills. One morning I did not smoke and that was two years ago. I had 10 cartoons of cigs that I had purchased from the Indians and went out and gave them to the homeless That was the last of my cig stash

Rhonda I agree Dee is a wonderful teacher and her students are so very privileged to experience her in their lives. .

Carol, I hope you and Ralph are OK and that Damon is keeping you busy and smiling.

Sherry How is your veggie garden going?

Sharen, Crystal, Leah, Amy, Lori, Lorri and all Indigos have a gentle evening with sweet dreams of your angel.

[lolynbo]

WENT TO DOC WEDS STARTED ZPAC TOOK LAST PILL TODAY STILL DONT FEEL TO GROOVEY...LUNG DONT SEEM AS PAINFUL AS IT WAS BUT STILL WEAK....TOLD FAMILY IF I CROAK MAKE SURE I LOOK CUTE...LOL HAVE BLESSED DAY

JUST ORDERED 24 ORANGE ILLUMINATED BALLOONS FOR $23 ON WINDYCITYNOVELTIES.COM ALLLLLLL COLORS WE WILL ATTACH NOTES AND RELEASE THEM JUNE 17

[ericasmom]

Lorri, get better, what was it? Had you mentioned being ill? If so and I missed it, I am sorry. the orange balloons sound lovely and remember, we are holding your hands as you move forward during this hard time.

Betty, wow, that was some cig stash and courageous of you to give it away, good riddance to those cigs.

Have you gone to the park to see this Betty? Oh, thanks for the sweet words to you and Rhonda. I love my job, I am lucky in that.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/05/spanish-artists-giant-scu_n_858281.html

[nicksdad]

Trudi..I am sorry I am behind...

Happy Birthday Micheal

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

What a BEAUtiful day yesterday - warm, not too humid. I sat in my lounge chair and read. Since our cat is spoiled rotten, he had to be by me. Tied him to my chair and he chased the moths, bugs, etc in the grass. Funny to watch.

I have a VERY busy week at work. The FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) is sending 5 auditors for 5 days to ensure we make safe parts that go into planes that you-all fly in. We make navigation systems for Boeing, Airbus, Sikorsky helicopter and the US military. I am not to worried, because we have done well in these audits before. But never 5 auditors for 5 days - WOW

Take care my friends.

Colleen

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Hi Colleen , It is a beautiful morning in NYC as well. I intend to get some housework done before venturing out

Dee I did see that huge statue of Echo in the Park. That park is actually on my bus route and it runs right by the area . I see it often and am reminded of Egypt and Greece. Fond re memories

Here is a picture of this weekend's adventure to the Ballet These little treats help me tremendously

Hope everyone has a uplifting day

[Annette123]

Trudi..I am sorry I am behind...

Happy Birthday Micheal

[Annette123]

What a beautiful picture!

[mikesmomrs]

Just wishing everyone a beautiful Monday. We had a busy weekend, game yesterday with Cathi in Boston and then dinner at an awesome Italian restaurant on the way home...no kids...just us two. Good day, weather was awesome. Put our worries in a bag and just left it in the driveway as we drove off! Red Sox won, and we got seats in the 6th inning! (We had SRO tickets) A family in the wheelchair section left early and the guy who "polices" the area came over and told us we could sit down. (Bad policy to sit in someone else's seats, even if they are empty, though many do).

Colleen: Good luck with the audit...I used to work with bank auditors and I know we made people very nervous when we would show up...not so much that they were doing anything wrong, but that, if we were even ONE PENNY off, we (and they) had to stay there all night til it was found! I can remember a few times when we were still there at 3 am! Of course, everything now is done with a computer, so I don't think they come to situations where they are one penny off.

Betty: So glad you enjoyed the ballet...you look so good, as does your partner...thanks for sharing. Congrats on the quitting smoking...and like Dee said, that was some stash to give away!

Sus: Good luck with the stopping smoking...I don't know anything about the electronic cigs...but I sure wish Cathi and Davis could find something to help them stop. Cathi stopped for a year in 07, but then started up again when she changed jobs and everyone there smoked...couldn't smoke inside but they would all gather on the walkway and light up.

Lorri: Hope you are better soon...love the idea of the orange balloons, perhaps will help you through these days of heart-rending memories. Glad that Kody is doing okay. Good for him!

Greg: Beautiful video of a precious sweetie...and the butterfly, wow...Brian is awesome, isn't he?

Betsy: I too laughed out loud at the vision of you running around the yard in sneakers and nightie chasing that bird for a picture! He is likely still smirking about that one. Thanks for th epic of of the bird, and the one of Rich...I see the orb...how long ago was this taken? Was it digital? Is taht Rich's sister Sarah in the background?

Dee: Great that you can wake up to the trilling of birds and especially that you are able to identify which ones are communicating...I sometimes have a hard time recognizing who is speaking to me, unless I see them! (ha!) I know you are sad at the school year ending, but I also know that you relish your time off so much and wish you a great, relaxing summer. You certainly deserve it. cathi had a meeting with Jamie's teachers last week and while they all recognized that he needs special help (especially with bridging the gap of work he missed this year due to his illness), and that he needs one on one with math, none had an answer to the situation, as they looked at each other blankly and slowly changed the subject to "we will work on that." They have special ed program funds, but struggle with spending them. They called her back the next day and said that he does not qualify for the assistance. She asked them "how disabled does he need to be to qualify for something that will either make or break his school years?" They want to just "send him on up" to 7th grade, and he is totally unprepared. She is thinking of trying to hire a tutor for the summer...how I wish we lived near enough to hire you...he would LOVE working with you. He is doing much better with his illness...seems the med they gave her is helping; he hasn't vomited in over two weeks. Fingers crossed and prayers continue.

Kathy: So good to see you and Jess's beautiful smiling face...and Tavian...wow, what can I say...he is awesome...what a good job you are doing! And Barry, how is he doing?

Sonya: So great to see Danielle's sweet smile and to hear from you. Let us know how everything is going.

Sherry: I wish I could see your vegetable garden...is it huge? Granddaughter Rachel tells me (they live in VA) that her garden (she is 10) is all in, and everthing is growing like crazy and they already have some peppers in. She is a hard worker and tills this garden by herself with a hand plow. She weighs like 80 lbs! She is so funny. I will post a pic when I find it.

we finally got our tomato plants...only have two, but that is enough, especially since Ralph can't eat tomatoes. I am still looking, though, for a yellow pear shaped tomato plant. They are so good sauteed. Have you ever tried them?

Rhonda: holding you close in my prayers.

Trudi: My sweet friend, Micheal is smiling at you for your courage...I hope you are back at the Bay soon.

Got to run...promised myself I would clean my bedroom today...wish me luck..I still haven't put away my winter clothes, and my summer ones are everywhere.

Ralph is doing okay, by the way...he is still having some pain, but not as much...perhaps the constriction band is promoting some healing...we will know by the end of next week. Davis is struggling...we are trying to help him but it is tough to know just how. He is staying close to home, and that helps. As I mentioned earlier, Jamie is doing so much better, physically...thank you all so much for your prayers for my family.

Tony, CJ, Karen, Diane, Pam, Sharon, Leah, Beth, Crystal, Amy, Lori, Bonnie...thinking of you all and as always, you are in my thoughts and prayers every day.

here is a pic of our view at the game yesterday...

[mikesmomrs]

I forgot, I wanted to give this URL for this song...it is a beautiful song,. though will likely bring tears...there is so much in it that pulled at my heart when I heard it first...I can just imagine Mike doing all of these things, especially the "spread my wings and fly" and the "ride a drop of rain," and most especially "I will love and have no fear."

[lolynbo]

When You’re Gone – Avril Lavigne

I always needed time on my own

I never thought I’d need you there when I cry

And the days feel like years when I’m alone

And the bed where you lie

is made up on your side

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before

Everything that I do

Reminds me of you

And the clothes you left

they lie on my floor

And they smell just like you

I love the things that you do

When you walk away

I count the steps that you take

Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

And when you’re gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

We were made for each other

Out here forever

I know we were

Yeah Yeah

All I ever wanted was for you to know

Everything I do I give my heart and soul

I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me

Yeah

When you’re gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you’re gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you’re gone

The words I need to hear will always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

[mysonrich]

Carol, short of time right now. Yes, the orb, the other person I mentioned. Not sure about the camera,most likely digital. I wasn't there. Sarah would invite Rich and a couple of his friends to her college day parties.( one or 2. His last was Halloween 2008) He enjoyed them so much. A HS kid hanging out with the college crowd! Around 2007.

Betty, The DOC takes care of inured animals in this area. Minimum security prisoners. It works. Enjoy the day, the heat is making its was back.

Lori, beautiful words.

Have to get going now. Bye bye

[lolynbo]

SO THERE IS A GIRL I KNOW 19 SHES IS BEING CHARGED WITH MURDER OF A 15 YR OLD WHOM SHE BOUGHT A CAN OF AIR FOR SO THE 15 YR OLD COULD HUFF IT, SADLY THE 15 YR OLD DIED.....ITS ON KTEN.COM IF YOU WLD LIKE TO SEE THE LINK...

I SAY THROW THE BOOK AT HER....

[daniellemom]

Greg - Great photo of B's not so little girl anymore. That is amazing!

Thanks to everyone for the welcome back.

Life is throwing me some curve balls. A month ago a lady that I have worked with for about 10 years, her 21 year old son died in his sleep. So sad to have to talk with her and know that she is now a member of this club. Then last week an 8 year old beautiful little girl was killed in an auto accident. I went to school with her Dad, I stood in the funeral line for over 4 hours to speak to to the family and give the mother my number. We do not have anything in our town to help with the grief of lossing a child. We are talking about starting up a CF chapter here with another Mother that lives near by.

I have missed so much by not reading and writing to you each day. I will try to do better.

Mattie is now 9 and will be going into the 4th grade, yes I'm getting old. James is looking at Universities to get his Masters, so he will be a sr at State Univeristy this fall. He didn't come home this summer, he is an intern at State doing something this summer so he is flying away doing his own thing. I'm so proud of both of them.

For Memorial Day, our church does a lighing of candle and saying something about our family and friends that have passed away. Mattie this year lite the candle for Danielle and said how much she missed her. She cried the rest of the service. Sometimes I think Mattie does not remember that much about Danielle she was 5 when Danielle left us. But she remembers plenty.

Carol - So glad to hear that the game was nice. Work may be sending me to Boston for some training, if they do, I will look you up.

Talk to you later,

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[westleysmom]

Sonya-I'm so sorry to hear about your co-worker whose son died in his sleep. I know that particular corner of hell all too well, although I'm sure it isn't that much different from the corner where children die from cancer or drunk drivers or trains or semi trucks. It is so hard to convince yourself that they're really gone when they look so peaceful, no wounds, nothing but the unexplainable lack of breath in their body. It sounds like James is doing well, I'm sure you're proud of his independence and drive. Hug Mattie for me. I'm sorry too for the 8 year old's family, Mattie did not go to school with her, I take it? Good luck with the CF chapter. There isn't one close to me and I've never gone, but I know lots of people have received support from CF.

Betty-I hope the ballet was good. I always like to see pictures of your nights out.

Carol-And the picture of the game was so clear. I wonder if I'd like baseball more if the weather here wasn't always so beastly during the summer. Probably not, its too subtle of a game for me. I like the in your face nature of football and never really know what's happening in baseball until its all over. Well I don't always know what's happening in football either, but I just have never been able to get into baseball. Glad to hear that Ralph is getting some relief and hope that your family has a peaceful time now after all the turmoil that has been going on. Oh and thanks for the song, of course I cried. Hugs

Lorri-So sad, what are these kids thinking?

Bonnie, Trudi, Dee, Karen, Susannah, Greg, Dan, Betsy, all of you and the ones I didn't list are in my thoughts daily