Loss of an Adult Child

[bus1851]

Good morning everyone,

WOW, my first full weekend back at work really wiped me out.The mental and emotional drain adds to the physical drain which takes its toll. Before the accident I could work all my shifts and easily have enough left over to stay up with my kids playing or watching TV, now when I get home I only think of getting to bed as fast as possible. I thought working would ease the pain but now I realize you can't hide from it. All weekend I was ducking away by myself crying when ever I had a free moment. My mind is completely clouded, I daydream constantly. My co-workers have been great and I feel bad for showing my emotions around them because no matter what they say nothing can relieve my pain. I explained to them that this is how my life is now and for them not to bad for me when I cry because they would feel bad all the time. This new life really sucks. I live for my kids, so I have to keep on going.

I had another dream, Marley looked a little older and all I kept saying was "is that you, is that you" and then I said "this must be a dream" then I picked her up and hugged her tightly and woke up.

Daddy loves you Marley-CJ

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

It is again raining and overcast here in NYC A downer but certainly nothing like the terrible rains and floods and tornados elsewhere.

Dear Carol I am so very concerned for you and your beautiful family. I too hate addiction and know how painful any sort of relapse can be for everyone. I will be going to morning church shortly and will light candles in supplication. Please let us know how things go today.

Susannah "MY ginness" how sweet It goes along with Carol's little Damon's rememories

Colleen I agree forgiving myself was the first forgiveness I worked on You are right being angry and hating takes a great deal of energy.

Trudi Good to see you and I agree with your profound message to carol. Hope Sir Mutley is getting ready for winter.

Dee I hope Jon is doing better and Lori that recipe sounds delicious

Betsy, Leah in my thoughts

CJ and Tony keep on coming here Reading and sharing is what got me thru.

Rhonda Your friends gave you a wonderful birthday present !! Aida was a fantastic show. Glad you were able to enjoy part of the entertainment of the City. I was walking downtown to a shop on Saturday and ran into a "Dance Parade" which I had not expected I was captured for a few hours We had Belly Dancers In costume, dancers from all over the world in native dress performing while dancing. Music and dance were beautiful. It is grand to walk about in the spring and find all these free events.

Have to run Have a Blessed Day

[lolynbo]

WELL U NO IF I COOKED IT ITS GOTTA BE EASY....

PRAYERS FOR THE TORNADO VICTIMS...WE HAD BASEBALL SIZED HAILE IN A TOWN 5 MILES AWAY...MISSED US THIS TIME...CRAZY WEATHER FOR SURE

[Brendan's Daddy]

Afternoon everybody.

It has been a rough day so far. I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning. I was just missing Brendan so much the second my eyes opened. I finally had a really good cry this morning. I feel like the Lexapro has been helping a bit, but sometimes I want to cry and just explode. It feels like it is stopping me from exploding when I need to get everything out. Not sure if that makes any sense. Just a really sad morning thinking about my Brendan constantly as usual. I was officially offered and accepted the Varsity Girls Basketball job in Slinger. I am going to meet with the girls and let them know at 2:30. I was excited to officially take the job, but it was so bitter sweet without Brendan here to enjoy it with me. I just hope that he is proud of his daddy. I was his hero and I hope that he still looks at me that way. I know that he is and always will be my hero.

I am not sure what else to say today. I am just down. I want my son back so bad. I miss him so much. I wish I had words of encouragement for you, but I just don't right now. I want to respond to all of you, but I just don't know what to say. I just want this nightmare to end.

Thinking of you all.

Brendan's daddy-Tony

[daveydow1]

Dee----So nice that you saw the two herons flying. I've seen them at the reservoir and game preserve area, but they

are usually standing in the water a little offshore. I do like seeing them in flight.....so elegant. My husband planted

a lot of things in the garden today......he was out there all day long. He loves working with the soil. We have to go

to the garden centers this week in order to get flower pots for Davey & Lisa's graves. We were going to get one for

my dad's grave, but my mom said that she was going to the nursery this wk. also, and would get a pot for my dad.

It was so nice today, so lots of things got done outside. I pruned our lilac bush.....dead parts. Great to get outside.

So touched by your remembering all the little nuances of ERI. Yes, we do remember many many little things about

our beloved child/children......sometimes thinking of some little thing we had not thought of for a long long time. After

Lisa died, I wrote down a lot of little things about her that I was afraid I would forget in die time. I wrote them in her

baby book, and take it out and look at it sometimes.....just to remember.

The memories are golden. No one can take them from us......they are always ours.

Karen----I hope that your soreness from your accident mends soon. Things can happen so quickly. Prayers.

Trudi-----So good that you have the support of your dear brother. He is understanding in his unique way because

he, too, knows the sorrow of losing a beloved child. Peace to all of you.

Rhonda----I so understand that you didn't want CJ to leave. It would go right along with the thoughts you had about

feeling the same when West came over. We hate to see them go....even if its for a while. On this rough road, we

know that it will be more than awhile, for sure......but we keep our hope/faith up as best we can, so we can see them

again. It's what keeps us going, I guess.

Tony----I, so, understand your anger at the church services with the topic of 'forgiveness'. As Dee said.....it may be too

soon for you to even think about it. I'm on this road nearly 8 yrs., and I still hold anger at the accident that killed my son,

David,....due to the negligence of an impaired truck driver. While I don't dwell on it....don't have any hatred for that person,

and don't really think about it too much, .....I don't want to devote any time to thinking about him. He gets the treatment

that he gave us after the accident.........silence. I don't mean to sound harsh.....I hope I don't. You are so very early on

this lousy rough road that you are trying just to keep your head above water, so to speak, and I think that for people whose

child died, the first thing one must do is just to survive. I wish you peace and comfort, friend.

Carol-----So very sorry to learn of all the problems you are having with Davis. I hope & pray that he can find his way to

a better way of life. Also, sending prayers for Ralph as he faces surgery, and for Cathi, and Jamie. Are the Drs. running

tests for Jamie to try to get a grasp of what is wrong.? Please take care of yourself, Carol. You have so many stresses

in your life right now, that you will need your strength, so try getting enough rest, and eating well......(.sorry to sound like

a councelor or advisor......I'm sure you know this already), but I am concerned for you, friend. Hoping that things will

look up soon on all fronts. I understand the way you felt when you sat near a man who looked a lot like your Mike at the

ballgame. I saw a guy who looked so much like Davey once, and I could not stop looking at him (he was in a car at a

traffic light next to our car.) I kept looking , and then the light changed for the turning lane, and he was gone.

Peace & warm thoughts.

Lorri-----Thanks for the directions for the grilled chicken alfredo......sounds YUMMY!

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Yes Sherry, I love to see the flying herons, but take great delight at seeing them stand on those impossibly thin legs watching the water for their next meal. As still as a photograph.

Glad that your garden is being planted, what did your husband put in? We have not planted any vegies yet as we are wondering a few things about the yard, and hit had been so cold for so long...we'll see. But the flowers? Oh my we have columbine of 5 colors, indigo is blooming, black and blue salviea is up, the black lace is forming its flowers, the perenial geraniums, soft pink, lilies of the valley, and today the siberian iris are opening, so beautiful... there are more, the lilac is still offering its beautiful fragrance, the bearded iris are done...the pinks are opening now. It is a feast for the soul really. The last two years have been my husband mostly on the garden, most of it is perenial, but he does all the weeding and compost exchanging and whatnot. I used to do so much more, the back however won't allow. Speaking of backs, Jon and Shan just left, made them a big dinner and he was hurting some. Tomorrow my John husband will take Jon son to the orthepedic doc to see how he evaluates his week since last seeing him. I hope for good news for Jon. I just want him to have a good calm life, filled with laughter and work and friends and lots of love.

Tony, it is not unusual for you to have some sadness especially after waking up at home again after taking a vacation that made you long for Brenden. The ups and downs are all over the place for a while, and you are really hanging in there adn doing what we all remember doing. One step forward, sometimes 3 back, sometimes 10. Either way, that one step forward is still forward, you are taking steps that must make your little Hero be so proud of his Hero-you.

[aim630]

I couldn't go to calling hours for Katie's friend. She went with her friends, and Jeff went by himself. When I heard it was open casket and at the same funeral home as Ashley, I just could not go. Her parents were at the candlelight vigil. I hugged her dad an let him know they could talk to us. Her mom didn't want to talk to anyone, but I don't blame her. Katie said she seemed ok today, but I'm sure she's in shock right now. I hope they feel they can talk to us. I will recommend this site to them.

Katie graduated yesterday. Her speech was really good, and she spoke clearly. I will try to post pictures later.

Carol- Sorry to hear of all your recent troubles. I hope Davis is able to turn his life around. He's had a rough couple of weeks. Also praying for Ralph, Cathi and Jamie.

Carrie-It is so hard to let go of that guilt. I hope you are able to though. We all have made mistakes, and it does no good to let them eat you up. Hugs...

Thinking of you all...

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Amy, it is good that you took care of your own spirit by staying home. You can always contact the Parents via letter after the shock wears away a bit. So very sad.

Katie made a speech, how wonderful. Did you beam with pride? It is really suc h a big time in a Child's life, I sure hope that she is proud of her hard work. What will Kate do this summer?

Goodnight All, very tired after a very busy day. May we all sleep deeply, restoring our spirits some to face the day.

PS Carol, hold tight and let us know when you are able how Ralph and Davis, and Jamie and Cathy are doing...how are you holding up?

[shorty16]

Amy – Totally understand you staying home when the open-casket funeral was at the same place Ashley’s was. Going to the candle light vigil and offering your knowledge to the parents was a good thing. That is why I stay on this site – I know too much. My knowledge of a parent’s worst nightmare is great and I want to help others to see there is light at the end of this tunnel, but you do have to work to find it. I am sure Katie’s speak was awesome. She had a lot of encouragement from our angels.

Dee & Sherry – Great Blue Herons and Sandhill Cranes. Brian and I used to have a contest to see who would see the first GBH or Sandhill of the season. In 2007, he won. Now, Michelle tries to do it with me. When the kids were in the adolescence, we had a pair of Sandhills that had 2 chicks in a field near us. When we drove past the field, we would see them. They produced young for 2 years – all survived. Great memories.

Carol – Holding you tight my friend. We are and forever will be here to support you. Thinking of Ralph as he goes to the doctor. Take care my friend. Calling all angels to your side. They will be there anytime you need them.

Tony – Brendan will always be proud of you. Please be kind to yourself. You are so new to this journey. The constant thinking about our kids and of what would have been. That is so normal and will subside over time – a lot of time. This journey we are on has no end while we are still breathing, but the path gets softer as we get stronger.

CJ – Yes, grief takes a lot of energy from us. In the beginning, we cannot control the thoughts that go through our brains. The replay of the accident, the would-have-beens are so strong now. It takes time for us to be strong enough to allow other thoughts in our heads and a lot of work to re-direct our energy to the living and our surviving children.

Betty – Glad you can enjoy that great city you live in. Scott and I went to NY once and loved it. We would love to go back one day. Time square is where we saw a car go through an intersection on 3 wheels – it was one of those hydraulic cars that bounce. That was too cool.

Sus – How’s life in Wyoming? Our family is doing OK. Aaron is really trying to be a good kid. That is how Brian was before he died. We thought that Brian had finally understood and was trying to follow our rules. Then our world as we knew it came to an end.

I think that is the hardest part about this journey, the thought that everything could come crashing down at anytime. We do not have ignorant bliss anymore. We know the worst can happen and just because it happened once, does not give us a pass card.

My Lillies-of-the-Valley are in bloom. I am wearing 3 of the stalks of flowers in a tiny flower container that I hot-glued a lapel pin to. Insti-perfume. I love it.

Well, hope all has a good day.

Colleen, Brian’s Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Carol - still thinking of you and your whole family.

Karen - You, too.

Dee and Sherry - the national weather channel shows that you are also in the path of these storms. I hope you are well.

Amy - I couldn't have gone, either. Katie is one strong girl isn't she? I'm impressed with her ability to shine with all the darkness around her. These kids, all of our surviving children, give me hope for the future of mankind.

Colleen - I hope it's okay to comment on the picture you posted on FB here. The one of the four of you by the water. Although Brian's absence was obvious, I was struck with the love and strength in your family. I have neglected taking a lot of "family" pictures because Steph isn't in them, but maybe it's time. Your picture spoke volumes to me, in a bittersweet way, that it's important to still provide those memories for our surviving children. Thank you for having the courage to live again even when it's painful. You are a good example to me.

Tony - Sometimes I wonder if my anti depressant is keeping me from a complete melt down, too. Yesterday I decided I would rather live in this little bubble, for now, than risk going back to wehre I was when the drug was prescribed, just a few months after Stephanie died. It just takes the edge off of complete insanity (for me). I'm still insane, but not dangerously so.

I read the following yesterday, "Forgiveness is the fragrance a flower gives off after having been crushed by the heel." Mark Twain

Does it mean the one doing the forgiving crushes the offender and the offender gives off a sweet scent? If that be the case (we get to crush someone) it's almost worth it.

We took the kids to IHOP for dinner yesterday. We haven't eaten there in a couple of years because Tina worked there. Tina is the perpetrator that hurt my grandchildren. She's in prison now so we went. We went at the kid's urging. Jasmine clung to me, hiding her face in my arm through out much of dinner. I just kept hugging her, reminding her she was safe and kissing her head. Gary and I both agreed that going there was not worth her anxiety. We also discussed how we need to teach them it's okay to venture out a little bit, with us. Later in the evening, Jasmine came to me with a big smile on her face and expressed how worried she was during dinner but "you made me feel better and I DID IT!" She was so proud of herself. I expected her to have a rough night, but not a peep from her.

When I watch what these little ones go through because of the actions of their mother, their father/step father and most of all Tina...forgiveness is the furtherest thing from my mind.

Gotta go.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[bus1851]

Good morning everyone,

So far so good this morning. Been keeping busy again, my sons field day yesterday and today his and my daughters last day of school celebration, chinese for lunch then softball game tonight. No time for sitting alone dwelling on things so that is nice but I have not caught up on any rest so I am still very sluggish. I am glad school is over, it will be nice having the kids home for summer to keep us busy. Well, we close on the house June 15th so I will be packing for the next 3 weeks. I am exited about moving into a new house but still sad that we are leaving what we called home for the last 10 years. This is the only home my kids have known and the only home Marley ever had. I know she will be with us where ever we go, it still makes me sad. I will miss the memories we made here, but life must go on.

Daddy loves you Marley.

CJ

[Brendan's Daddy]

Morning everybody.

Dee

Wishing you good news today with your son Jon. I will be praying for you and your family today as always. I hope you get good news today.

Colleen

Thank you again. I think that coming back from vacation and going back to work just overwhelmed me yesterday. I miss Brendan every second of every day, but yesterday was crazy. My mind just would not let me think about anything other than the what ifs?

Susahhah

I am glad that your family was able to get out for dinner yesterday. I can only imagine how difficult that was to do there. So happy to hear that Jasmine was smiling and proud of herself.

CJ

Glad to hear your having a good morning. Hold on tight to your kids. They will help us get through this difficult time in our lives. Glad to hear your playing softball tonight. I hope you are doing the things you love again. I know that is what our kids would want. Good luck with your closing on the 15th.

Well I was able to get out of bed this morning. I am up and in the office ready to get some work done today. Missing Brendan as always, but I know I have things I need to do. For the first time in 6 months I am excited about something. I was introduced to the girls basketball team yesterday afternoon as their new head coach. I know all the girls very well from my years in the Recreation Dept. and from coaching the boys. When I walked in I got to see everyone of their faces light up with a smile. When our meeting ended they walked into the hallway and starting jumping around screaming and yelling because they were excited. I sat in the team room with tears in my eyes knowing now without any doubt that I made the right decision. Even the Athletic Director was tearing up. I wish Brendan was hear to enjoy this day with me, but to be honest if Brendan was alive I would still be an assistant coach with the boys. My dream was to coach my son. I have been asking God every night to let me know what he wants from me. Maybe this is the start of his plan. I don't know, but for the first time since I lost my Brendan I felt like I had some meaning again. I went to my son Jack's T-Ball practice after that and watched him play. He is extremely delayed physically and has yet to hit a pitched ball at practice. I got there today and he batted three times and hit the ball off the pitch all three times. He was so proud of himself. I was so proud of him and I know that Brendan was looking down so proud of his little brother. What a difference it is to watch Jack struggle with these things. When Brendan used to bat in T-Ball the other coaches had to back their players up on defense so that Brendan wouldn't hit a line drive at somebodies head. It came so easy for Brendan and Jack has to work so hard. I just know that Brendan is helping his baby brother.

Today I will spend at work until 5:00. The little league season officially begins tonight so it will get crazy for me. Then it is off to my softball game at 7:30 in Milwaukee.

I hope you all find some joy today.

Brendan's daddy-Tony

[ericasmom]

All that I can add here today is that I know your Angels, our Angels, are proud of what we do each day as we find our way. I am amazed at some of the steps you new to this have taken. I am tearfully hopeful at these stories of survival and light filtering in. Go Jackson at T-ball, that struggle he has will build him in ways we cannot even imagine. What pride he must feel.And yes, I do think that his BIG BRO is rooting for him and sending him great energy from above. CJ, time with the kids over summer, a priceless time, and in a new home, so much to do and yes while sad, no sadness bigger, there is hope. We build upon the ashes in order to honor our Babies.

[shorty16]

Tony

Brian was also very physically coordinated and he was VERY competitive (Brian had the Nepoleon Complex). Aaron is not as physically coordinated as Brian was. In the beginning, I used to compare them (in my head and to my husband). Scott would become upset at me that I would compare the two. It was difficult watching Aaron struggle with things and think of Brian doing these things on the first try. I had to stop comparing my boys. Aaron is not Brian, Aaron is Aaron and that is what is going to save me when Aaron drives. Aaron now knows what a vehicle (used in a way that it is not intended) can do to a family. ROCK ON JACKSON!!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Thanks Susannah,

That photo was taken in California on Christmas day 2009 on the Pacific Ocean. We put my Mother's, Brian's and Michael's ashes in the Pacific Ocean as the sun was setting. I cried so hard before that was taken. A bittersweet memory in deed. It has taken along time for me to even think about taking family pictures without Brian, just too hard.

June 19 is fast approaching. Father's Day and Brian's 3rd Angelversary are on the same day this year. Father's day of 2008 was the last family event we did together. We all went to the Milwaukee Art Museum for Sunday Brunch and then walked outside as a complete/intact family.

Sometimes, I can feel the weight of this time on my very soul. If I let it, I could sink to the bottom of the ocean just by the weight of this grief.

I know that we need to go on for our surviving children and for Brian. With time and alot of effort, I am able to "Change the Channel" on these thoughts of hopelessness and replace them with the funny times.

Take care my friends

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Crystal16]

Hello beyond Indigo family,

It has been quite a while long time since I’ve posted. I stop by and read every once in awhile but been real busy with my new relationship. A lot of healing over the last 4 months the gentlemen I’m with has been such an encourager and keeps me from falling. He continues to uplift me when I feel like the walls are caving in. I’ve been busy visiting new places and encountering new adventures. There is not a day that goes by I don’t miss Ashlee however I keep reminding myself someday I will see her again.

I hope all is well with everyone on this board and your feeling some sort of peace. Praying for safety for anyone in the Midwest. I ask God’s protection be upon you.

[ericasmom]

Crystal good to see you again, good to know that you are finding some goodness in your life. I hope that that continues.

took a walk after dinner, the sun is setting and the birds are giving off their good-nights, robins especially sing the sweetest longest notes.I feel their melodies in me. The trees are swaying but no storms tonight, it was a sunny day, cool and pretty. Tomorrow night maybe some storms.

Lorri, you okay? Storms I heard about were near you.

[ericasmom]

Okay, so now the storms that are hitting Oklahoma may also run through here tonight, but they said that there were no warnings for us so far. It is quiet and I am heading to bed. I am praying for all those in the paths of storms or who have loved ones who are.

Let the bruise colored skies remember blue,

let the twisting winds end and peace return, nothing more than a breeze in its place.

Let the debris be cleared to reveal places in which to build anew,

let the lives of those gone, go on living in those who stayed .

[kmb22]

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to check in, say hello, and let you all know I'm thinking of you all. I don't have much to say; I'm in a really bad space. I haven't been able to read much the past couple of days but, Carol your last post has been weighing heavy on my heart. I'm so sorry for all you and your family are having to endure. I know all to well the pains of addictions and it's ability to seduce those who suffer into believing it's the only way out of the pain. I also understand the struggle of those who love them between wanting so badly to help, and knowing there's only so much we can handle.

I actually came here tonight to show you something. I was cleaning the garage today and went outside to toss some things. My eye caught this on the ground....

I have no idea how that happened...it was completely dry out at the time. I thought of you and Mike and I just had to show you. My heart is with you and your family and if there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask. I'm just a phone call away.

[mikesmum]

Freezing here, nothing like you are facing with those storms so I'm not complaining.

Wasn't my best day so slept till noon. Dressed and bundled Muttley up in his new winter coat ready for a walk. Mal called to say their was an 14 month old baby locked in a car in our local supermarket carpark. I was just about there so I stopped with mum while emergency services were dispatched.

She had given baby keys while she folded the stroller. A clever little girl who pushed the button and locked the car.

I arrived just before the ambulance, fire trucks and police. Mum was beating herself up for being so 'dumb'... princess was a bit teary...wanted mum. But Muttley to the rescue. I held him up for her to see while the crews worked on mums car.

Once those locks popped the relief on mum's face was amazing. She thanked everyone, apologised profusely for causing such a problem. Big excitement in our little town..

Got lots of cuddles from 'Eleanor' the princess.....Funny, that was my mum's name.

Came home, cranked up the heating and just vegitated for the afternoon...

Thinking of Indigos and the angels they hold in their hearts..

[mikesmomrs]

Karen: I am so sorry that you are in a bad place...my heart to you. And speaking of hearts...thank you so very much for sharing the beautiful heart you "found." Isn't it amazing how something as simple as an unexpected, out of the way wet spot can take on a shape that visits your soul...a gift to you, a reflection of the love you feel, the love that surrounds all of us every day.

All: Ralph and I spent 8 hours with doctor yesterday...they don't think it is his gallbladder. (Yes, he does have gallstones, but they don't think that is what is causing the pain) They think there is a "tear" where they did the previous surgery...apparently there are two layers, your skin and then one under taht and it is the one under the skin where the tear is. It is about 1 - 1 1/2 inches long and they said to fix it would be as serious a surgery as the kidney removal, and even more so now with the one kidney he has operating at only 18%. SO. The alternatives are: he wears a constricting band around his stomach area, in order to hold it close, especially when he is coughing (and they think that the sharp, hard coughing he does with the COPD may well have caused it, while the inside layer was still weak from the previosu surgery). They want him to do this for three weeks and then come back for another CT to see if it is healing. If not, then they have to fix it. They will go in through the middle of his stomach, with a tube with a light at the end so they can "look around." If it looks like they can fix it, they will. We won't know til it happens. Meantime, I feel as though I am holding my breath. We have had many, many signs, that should encourage us, but just when I think I have it licked, bam, I am right back to cowering in fear of what is to come. We went out late this afternoon for a quick errand, and stopped to pick up subs for supper...no strength, no energy and NO desire to fix anything. As we pulled into the parking lot, we looked over to our left and a beautiful, bright rainbow appeared, with another behind it. We don't see rainbows here very often and it was just awesome. Yesterday, Ralph had to stop at the restroom on the way back to the CT place to finally do the CT (he had to drink a huge lot of "stuff" for about 2 1/2 hours), and when he turned to come out, there was a clump of dirt on the floor in the shape of a perfect heart. This morning, he pulled a freshly laundered T-shirt out of the closet and when he put it on, a penny fell out of the pocket...1975. Our son is all around us and for this I am so very thankful. I can only take one day at a time, and continue to breath one breath at a time.

Davis has calmed down some. He seems to have agreed to the 3 weeks "trial" of his behavior, but yesterday was extremely upset about everything. He texted us while we were gone that he felt he had "ruined" his family, and perhaps the best thing to do was to just leave and not be part of the family any longer. He was pretty upset when he called his mom earlier and she set down the same rules for him if he came to stay there...the three week trial. I think he thought that if he went there, it wouldn't be so "controlled" but he was quite surprised when she set down the same conditions. When we got home last night, he was here, but very quiet. I did NOT want to get into it, so kept quiet...I felt if he wanted to say something, he would. He didn't. Today he woke up (his day off) and other than having a rant about how awful his job is and how awful the people are that he works for (all true, by the way), he settled down and essentially it was as if nothing was said the day before... I did reiterate to him the expectations regarding his behavior and his money, and he did not disagree. He goes back to work tomorrow...he will be completely occupied for the next four days...he works 10-12 hour days...so hopefully we will experience some quiet for a few days. His friend B has stopped drinking again and is taking his meds, and I think this is encouraging to Davis. B is also thinking about moving back home with his mom...a situation that is not all that great, but certainly better than where he is now.

Cathi goes back to the doctor tomorrow for a treatment plan. She is nervous, but is having a lot of pain with her teeth this week (she is in the process of having work done) and that has kept her mind occupied. Jamie is doing better...he now seems to only have episodes of vomiting every 7-10 days, and each time they are less violent...she took him to Dartmouth last Friday and they met with a wonderful doctor. When the visit was over, the doctor asked Jamie if he had any questions. He said, "Just one...how did you get to be so awesome!" Cathi said the visit could not have gone any better. She started out by telling the doctor of their previous experience at another doctor's, and all that happened. This new doctor was so very kind, and so enthusiastic. She put herself right on Jamie's level, sitting down beside him, scooting her chair over to his. She drew pictures of what might be happening and he seemed to understand. She thinks it is likely all the antibiotics that he had to take last winter because of the strep and another infection he had. The strep came back so he had to do it again. She thinks the flora is upset in his stomach and it may take up to a year to balance itself out. She advised them on what he can eat to help that, and meantime put him on an 8 week treatment with Axid. Cathi told her that they other doctor had tried Prevacid and it hadn't worked. She said that no 12 year old should have to be on an antacid for all his life, and that Axid works in 8 weeks and that gives it a jump start...time and a different way of eating should take care of the rest, but they will monitor him closely. So, there is hope on the horizon for him to get back to normal. Thankfully.

I thank you all so much for your support and your love and caring. To know that I can come here to the understanding and support that is offered, makes my heart soar with thankfulness.

Dee: How is Jon doing? He is in my prayers daily.

Sus: I love that Jasmine cuddled up to you...hate what she has been through.

Colleen: I am so blessed to have friends like you...taking Mike's ashes to California (Mike had asked to have some of his ashes sprinkled in the Pacific) with you and making him a part of your family's ceremony is something that will live in my heart forever. (It was on Christmas day, and Colleen took the time to send us photos of the distribution of Mike's ashes, as well as writing his name in the sand of the beach of the Pacific Ocean.)

CJ and Tony: I am so glad to see some light finding its way into your lives...the process is so very slow, as all of us here know, but you both seem to be working your way out of the darkness...your beautiful children are proud of you, and surround you with their sweet, sweet spirits. The going is tough, and no day is like another...the changes you are facing with moving are trying, and I wish both of you luck with all of it. Tony: So glad the new job is working out. The excitement of the girls on the team will be infectious. And, yes, of course, Brendan was right there, so proud of his little brother, and especially his daddy, as Jackson did his best.

CJ: Holding you close as you return to work... It IS hard, leaving a place you love and have known for so long...when we sold our home after Mike died, it was terribly hard...we had lived there for over 20 years, built it from the ground up, made a lot of memories there. But the best thing about memories are that they are very portable...you can take them with you whereever you go.

Amy: I neglected to say that I am so glad that Katie's graduation was so wonderful...I wish I could have been there to hear her speech. I am sorry that the days were saddened by the death of someone a part of their school...and I completely understand why you could not go to the funeral parlor. We were spared that with Davis's friend who died in the car accident last week...they bypassed the wake and just had a reception at home. That in itself was difficult enough. Had it not been one of Davis's best friends, I don't know if we could have even done that.

Stay safe all of you in those storm areas...prayers for those who face cleaning up and loss of loved ones.

Have Damon tomorrow..some smiles and joy...supposed to be nice, may take him to the beach for kite flying and bubble blowing. take care all. sending love and prayers to each of you.

[shorty16]

Good Morning my friends,

Well it is raining again in Wisconsin (suprise!?!) This weather has been crazy. Only 2-3 days above 70 degrees so far and it is the end of May!!!

Scott has started to talk about Brian without being prompted. Both good and sad things. Scott was watching Marie Osmond and the stupid things people have said to her. He commented on one especially "Are you over it yet?" He just shook his head and said "People do not understand, you never get over this." I am so proud that the shell Scott put around himself is starting to crack a bit and allow the feelings to be felt.

Aaron is doing OK. He still does not talk about Brian. I think Dee was right when she said this may be a control thing. Aaron (and everyone else in our family) had no control over the activities that lead to Brian's death, but Aaron does have control over who talks about his brother. Aaron wants those memories to himself and thinks that no one could know our pain like family. I am just guessing.

Michelle is out of school and having fun this summer. She still works part time and is just relaxing. She works very hard for her grades and is helping around the house. We will put gas in her car every other week for her helping around the house.

Memorial Days weekend is upon us. Anyone have amy plans?

Thinking of you all

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Carol, my heart lightened seeing Mike's face here, though I know things are still hanging without answers. Davis has support all around him, love surrounding him, the steps he takes will be his own and we all are holding our breath as he makes these decisions too. So hopeful. May the elastic belt help Ralph, sounds like the docs are taking as conservative approach as possible, fingers crossed as to it working. Prayers for you all and joy at Jamie seeing a great doctor instead of that bad one. A turn in events must make him feel good.

Karen, a perfect heart that perhaps lets you know that while yours is repairing angels are holding you. So sweet that Mike may have left you this, his Momma's new friend.

[Brendan's Daddy]

Morning everybody. I hope everybody is ok after more storms last night.

Karen

That was a perfect heart in that picture. That is amazing. What a sign from above!! I love hearing about others getting signs from their angels. There is no doubt in my mind that was a sign.

Colleen

Yes, another beautiful Wisconsin day isn't it? It is so hard to be back in this weather after spending a week in the sunshine of Florida. We have gone up north on Memorial Day for the past 8 years in a row now. It was usually our first trip up to the lake of the season. Brendan would have his bag packed a week before we left. I just don't think Michele and I are ready to go up north right now. It was Brendan's favorite place to be. I just can't imagine being there without him. We have decided to just stay home this weekend. On Saturday we are going to a friends house for a party. It will be rough because it is the parents of one of Brendan's good friends. All of his closest friends will be there. It is so hard to see, but we know we have to do it. Those parents are our friends and have been by our sides in this terrible time.

I am missing Brendan today very badly, but I know that won't change. Today I wanted to tell some positive stories that might help others. You have all helped me so much. I hope these two stories brings a smile to your faces.

I got an email from an old High School Friend this week. We had grown up together and were very close growing up. She lives in the same community and we see each other once in a while, but not as often as we should. Anyway, she has a son in second grade who just turned 9. He knew Brendan only through 3 or 4 meetings. He had a B-Day party on Saturday and had a bunch of friends over. He went up to his mom before they sent out invitations and asked if he could tell his friends to bring donations for Brendan's playground rather than bring him gifts. It was his idea and they raised just over $300.00 for Brendan's playground. We are now at $15,000 raised. Only $10,000 more to go and we will have a huge playground built. We raise $25K and the playground company donates $75K in equipment. This little boy didn't get one present from his friends. When his mom asked him what was the best part of his B-Day. He said getting all that money for Brendan's playground. I was in tears reading her email. What an amazing little boy. Brendan's name and memory is still alive and well in our Community. My goal is to make sure it stays that way.

Last night Michele was on the phone with her sister. Her sister has two little boys 5 and 3. She is now 6 months pregnant with boy #3. She had 3 miscariages the past 3 years. When she told us she was pregnant right after Brendan died I told her she would not miscarry this baby. I told her that Brendan would not let that happen. So far so good. She is carrying a healthy baby boy. Last night Michele was talking to her about baby names. She told Michele that her and her husband only agreed on 1 or 2 names. Jackson heard them talking about baby names and insisted on talking to Aunt Jocelyn. He grabbed the phone and said I know what you should name your baby. He told her to name it Elijaha. Aunt Jocelyn was shocked she told him to put his mommy back on the phone. Elijaha is one of the two names they are considering. Later on Michele put Jack in the tub and asked him where he heard the name Elijaha from. He told Michele that Brendan told him that he should tell Aunt Joc to name their new baby Eliaja. Michele asked when he talked to Brendan and he said. "I told you mom. Brendan talks to me when I sleep. He flies over me and talks to me. He told me to tell Aunt Joc to name her baby Elijaha. We talked to Jocelyn last night. It sounds like their new baby will be named. Eliaja Brendan. I have tears running down my face, but at the same time I know that Brendan is ok.

Hope these stories help just a little. Our angels are all safe in the arms of God.

[Guest msnher]

Tony - I needed to hear the story of Brendan telling Jackson to tell his aunt what to name their baby right at this very moment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing!!! I am also uplifted with a bit of hope that a boy would sacrifice any presents to help with Brendan's playground. Out of the mouths of babes! Sharing your "signs" was a sign for us all. I needed it. Thank you again.

I have to run to the school now for Jonathon's kindergarten graduation. I'll check back later.

Much love, Susannah.

Oh...thought for the day. Prayer is the law of attraction at its best.

[mikesmomrs]

Tony: I loved the story of Brendan and the baby's name, also, along with the fundraiser success info! Brendan is smiling all around all of you!

Karen--holding you close.

I finally got these pics sized for posting...pics from when Susannah and Karen and I met, and went to the Nubble Lighthouse in York, ME. yes, it was VERY windy and pretty chilly, as you can see.

First pic is relatively calm, then the wind pics up!

[shorty16]

Tony

You are truly blessed. Your Brendan is around you and your family all the time. I really do believe that Jackson talks to Brendan. I have heard this from many other sources. All those sources cannot be wrong. It is so hard for us to think that others miss our children when we feel such pain. But your Brendan is missed by so many. So many others feel the pain of his loss. What a lucky man you are.

Thanks for sharing those stories. They warm my heart.

Scott and I are also spending this weekend home. We used to go up North, but after Brian died, we just cannot. Too many memories there. And we want that place to remain a place where our intact family went.

Hope the weather gets better.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lolynbo]

Lorri, you okay? Storms I heard about were near you

YES WERE FINE, HAD TO SPEND TIME IN CELLAR, BUT NO DAMGE HERE, BUT SOME DAMAGE 5 MILES AWAY.....KIMMY IS DRIVING THRU ELRENO AS WE SPEAK AND THE NEW 250 MILLION REFINERY IS DEMOLISHED...SCARRY TIMES HERE BUT WE ARE USE TO IT, BUT WE PLAY IT SAFE....MAYBE WE GOT SOME SIGN JOBS...IDK

[kmb22]

Edit

[daveydow1]

Hello to all INDIGOS--------I will do a hasty post now, because the storms are moving our way from

the western part of the state, and with sattelite,........the signal will most likely be gone. It was out

last night also.

Dee-----Wow.....you have flowers galore.....so nice. Your yard must look like a lovely flower park.

Praying that Jon will be getting good news from his DR. about his back problems.

Amy----I so understand that you could not go to the funeral of Katie's friend. Just too too emotional

of a time to expose yourself to. It's good that you stayed home. CONGRATS TO KATIE on her

graduation from H.S. So nice she made a speech.....I imagine she was nervous, but it all went well.

Good for her.

Crystal-----Ashlee's mom----Good to see you here at BI.

Karen------Thanks for the pic of the heart-shape..... I had to see it on the thumbnail only......wouldn't come

in regular size.......clouding up around here.

Sus-----Yep---it has been some crazy weather here. I feel so sorry for all the death & distruction caused in

OKLA and in Joplin, Missouri. So scary. Hope it's calm there in WYO.

PEACE & COMFORT TO ALL IN THE INDIGO FA.MILY

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, the rain is coming down here again, this morning a huge downpour and now thunder and lightning. It is cool out too, in the high 40's. I hope the rain is simp;y rain and not anything too crazy. We had some water in our basement this morning, sump pump fitting popped off or some crazy thing. Stay dry.

Karen, Yes, I think that Shawn was saying that too, sling mud, land in mud. Good for him. I like the golden orb sign too, and I love it when others feel Eri and let me know.

Tony, Brendan sharing the name Elijah with Jackson is beautiful. Beautiful. That Jackson sees his Brother flying over him while he sleeps is so gentle a picture in my head. I do believe him, and I also think that part of the reason Kids grieve differently is because they are not far away from the one who left. They get those kinds of visits more often because they are less cluttered and more pure and open to possibilities. Wonderful Jackson was able to let everyone know. Hugs to him. No denying any of this and I hope that you will write it down so that you have a scrapbook of signs and feelings for Jackson to have when he is a man.

Lorri, I am glad that you are fine, I hoped and hoped. Great news. Is it an all clear now?

Going to bed, fighting a cold. Love to EVERYONE of you Wondrous People.

[Guest msnher]

What a day. I'm wore out. Experienced every emotion I can identify at some point in my day, including a melt down during the kindergarten graduation (due to a slide show playing the same songs we played for Stephanie's memorial).

A spiritual day as well. I had the realization that I will never get the answers I want about life, death, purpose and ....why?...no, there are no answers for my questions. Not in this life, this physical life. I seek non physical answers in a physical world.

My peace must come from within.

I also realized that prayer is the law of attraction at its best. I have struggled with prayer since my daughter's death, save for the pleading to bring her back. Then, realizing she wasn't coming back, begging that the pain be removed, then asking that I be given back some of the joy and energy I had before she left this plain. Trying to find who I am now. What is my purpose now. Hating me for being such a coward, running from the pain. Running from fear as its terror bites at my heals and laughs in my face.

Where is god? Who is God? Is there a god? All questions I have sought outside myself. The miraculous thing is my questions were answered, outside of myself. The lasting effect of the peace given was short. Thinking I had all the answers I ventured forward in strength and conviction until my gauge would point to "empty" once more.

I know I can't it off quickly or thoroughly, not in this lifetime. No, it isn't in me to do.....but it is only there I will find it. I must find the strength and courage to venture there once more for it is only there I will stand tall (or in my case, stand short) once more.

I must reach to the deepest part of my being where courage resides and begin to face life each day. Courage isn't being without fear. Courage is being afraid and doing the right thing anyway. Courage isn't without pain. Courage is feeling the pain, recognizing the pain, and not only doing what is minimally expected, but doing more. Sometimes just one thing more.

Courage is looking for something to be grateful for each day. Living again will hurt, but I must not allow that hurt to paralyze me.

It's May 25th, but I am making my new years resolution now...my new life resolution. It is simply that I want to live a life of character, joy and love. When it is time for me to leave this world I don't want the trait that I am remembered for most be that I never recovered from my daughter's death. While that may be the truth, I want it said that I dared to overcome, live and laugh. Let it be said that I was bold, brave and an inspiration.

This is a sleepy rambling, perhaps born of exhaustion....but it is where I am. Quiet contemplation. As an amputee learns to walk without legs...through the pain....not only walk, but run and play...I must learn to walk, live and laugh without Stephanie's physical presence. I will never forget her. I'm sure I will cry again, more than I care to think about, but I will also live. It will be painful at first, until I become more accustomed to the world of the living...and while there are no answers in this life, this life is where I live...my prayer must simply be "give me courage to live today."

Rest well my friends! Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

I hope the flooding across Ohio is leaving you Amy and Sherry on higher ground. The news showed parts of Ohio struggling with very deep waters, please stay safe.

Our yard is half-way under water so husband is putting a small pump out there to save what we have planted and nurtured over the summers.

Sus, all I am sure of is that we are here for reasons we will fully understand at a later date, and I have always believed that the unanswered will one day be answered though not here, not until we are in that next big place with our Kids.

[Crystal16]

"my new life resolution. It is simply that I want to live a life of character, joy and love. When it is time for me to leave this world I don't want the trait that I am remembered for most be that I never recovered from my daughter's death. While that may be the truth, I want it said that I dared to overcome, live and laugh. Let it be said that I was bold, brave and an inspiration."

Sus- Those are encouraging words to live by such an inspiration!!!

[Crystal Rogerson]

Good morning Indigos,

Hope this day finds all of you that are in the weathered parts of the country safe and dry and on solid ground.

Tony: Truly AMAZING stories. You are blessed!

Sus: Wow! What a great resolution. It's good that you are able to have reached a place that you know in your heart will be so hard to move out of, but I like the fact that you know it's a CHOICE to move out of the darkness. It has taken me 7 years to realize what you stated. I too will be making some changes in my life starting June 1st, Meg's birthday. ( Funny I had set that date to start my transformation, as I knew that May would be too hectic for me to concentrate on the changes I want to make, but did not realize until THIS writing, that the date I chose was Meg's b-day.) That just proves to me that she is ready for me to get going on this too.

Maybe we can keep each other on track (as it is so easy to fall back in).

Grief is an odd creature. It is a necessary evil, but it is easy to get trapped in it. Like a warm blanket, you become a custom to it, it becomes habit. And like any other (bad) habit it does take effort on one's part to break out of.

Something I find odd, is since Meg's death, it seems as if I have randomly come into contact with so many other parents who have lost a child (or more).

Where I live now, seems like they deal with death so differently. I have found out through the "grapevine" here at work that there are 3 people on my floor alone that have lost children (1 suicide, 1 drug overdose & 1 car accident). Not one of them has EVER said a word about it. I don't really know how to approach the subject to tell them that I am here for them to talk to and that I can relate with what they are going through (but maybe that is not my part to do)??? Maybe since I haven't found the words to approach them means I should just concentrate on myself and keep my nose in my own business. It just hurts my heart to think that they are suffering alone in silence.

There are changes going on all around me, changes I have no control over. I am excited for some and scared to death about others. Wish me luck in dealing with the external environment and wish me strength to take on my internal changes.

My hope for each of you is to have a ray of sunshine and peace in your hearts.

Love & Light-

Meg's mom, Crystal

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Here is my tale:

I was visiting my sister.in So Jersey. We were planting flowers, shopping, going to the beach eating dinner out and very busy. It came time for me to catch my train and we drove frantically to the station. I ran to catch the train as the whistle was blowing. I jumped on sat down as the train pulled out. I reached for my ticket ---- NO Ticket, NO Wallet NO MONEY. My first instinct was to throw myself off the train !! A few years ago I would have done that or waited for the next stop jumped off and been stranded in a town with no money and no cell and in big trouble

Instead my sane self who thinks that everything is unimportant compared to the loss of Stephen, searched out the conductor, told him my sad tale and he was very generous and "Punched a ticket" gave it to me and said "Forget about it": He probably saw I was close to a heart attack any way . I got to the city and had to walk home 45 city blocks but it all ended well. Dee I thought of you and your many long walks.

.

Carol Glad to hear the news You will be in my prayers

Trudie Good luck on that test The mom and child were fortunate that you and Sir Mutley were available He is certainly a Rescue Pup!!

Dee and Sherry Love hearing about your flowers and birds Sherry & DeeI too note my little memories in a book and visit it from time ot time They are a treasure

Sus, My Giddness,I must agree. I have been attempting to live with love, compassion, empathy , generosity and forgiveness since Stephen passed. Yes. when I am remembered I too would like it to be for the positive principles I lived by rather than the many sadnesses I endured.

Crystal, Rhonda, Karen. Sharon Lorri, Lori CJ. Tony and all Indigos in my prayers.

[ericasmom]

Betty, so good to see you and to know that you were enjoying the beach town with your Sis.Also good to know that the conductor was a good human and gave the benefit of the doubt. Did you find where you left your wallet?

Meg's mom, perhaps the folks that you work with who have also lost a child just don't talk about their child at work for worry that they will maybe have a melt down. Others though, may feel they have a support system in place and have enough time in discussion with others about their child, and still others may not feel at all comfortable with discussion of this loss, as for now it may be too raw or too difficult. I wish that all people had this place or similar places for their hearts to be surrounded by those of us who know, but some do not feel comfort by talking with others.

[Crystal Rogerson]

Dee: I so agree and understand that , I just want to let them know about THIS place. I wasn't saying that they would find comfort in speaking with me. I just know how thankful I was to find you all in this place of understanding and knowing and wish I could share that with them.

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Thanks Dee

I left out the important inforamtion about the wallet. I had left it, with my ticket and money safely on the kitchen table before I went to the beach. Then I forgot all about it!!!

I will get it all together again someday.

Have a lovely day everyone

[ericasmom]

I agree too with you Meg's mom, that letting folks know of this place can be helpful. I was told by a woman who lost her girl 4 years ago tis weekend, that she did not need this place. She said it in such a way that kind of shut me down, but I know that she was protective of her heart. The way that I have found others in need of talking is just by my talking about ERi and how I lost her if they ask. In doing so, I have met three other Mom's who teach in this district in one of the ten schools, that wanted information about coping with loss. None of them however, post here, but felt good knowing that they were not alone in having lost a child. It is amazing how many of us there are really, but still we are the silent minority, silent in that so many do not want to discuss what it is we go through. More power to us that we insist on finding this place.

I like that you are starting on Meg's birthday, I think that that is a tribute that will make her grin.

Peace out,

dee

PS Betty, glad that your belongings are safe.

[daveydow1]

Sus---Thanks for your inspiring and encouraging words.....you write so well.

Dee-----Sorry your yard got swamped in the storms. We were lucky last night......the

sky was very threatening.....lightning & thunder. It did rain fairly hard, but we seemed to

escape damaging winds and torrential downpour that they received farther north of us.

There was a tornado watch for us on t.v. The sattelite signal went out (no surprise),

but it did come back on a little later. No flooding around here....just swollen creeks

and streams which seemed to subside by today. I hope that you are able to save your

flowers......so sad to see them ruined in such a short time, after all the work put into it.

Lorri----So glad tornadoes did not hit your area.

Megsmom-----It is sad to know that there are so many others nearby who have the

same heartache of losing a beloved child. When I worked, there was a person who

lost a son. Another lady lost a daughter about a year later. The lady who lost the girl

brought up the subject of losing a child......hoping that maybe she could give some

support, I guess, to the other woman whose son died. Anyhow,......it did not go well.

The lady whose son died didn't take it well at all, ( that the other person brought the subject up).

She reacted negatively.... (anger) in such a way that all the rest of us felt sorry for both of them.

Betty---Such a nice visit you had with your sister. I'm sooooo glad that you found that your

wallet was safely at home. It is a real hassle to change all the credit cards etc. when one

loses a wallet. I had the same thing happen to me about 6 mo. ago. I thought I lost my

card case with all the cards., but later found the card case under the seat of the car. .

We have a bird box at the end of the two grape arbors. One had a nest, but some predator

came and climbed the post, ripped the nest out, and all was gone when I checked it.

Probably a raccoon. The other nest box is much sturdier, and there is now a nest in it.

I will have to take down the other one and repair it.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[mikesmum]

Hi Indigos

Thanks Dee

I left out the important inforamtion about the wallet. I had left it, with my ticket and money safely on the kitchen table before I went to the beach. Then I forgot all about it!!!

I will get it all together again someday.

Have a lovely day everyone

Betty ~ Sorry but I had to laugh, in fact I couldn't stop chuckling. So many times I've torn the house, car, handbag apart, made calls to every place I had been to searching for keys, phone, purse, only to find its in a very safe place so I wouldn't forget it

Soggy here too, but its almost Winter so I understand.

Had a hold my breath moment yesterday, just a little one. Emily had posted on her FB that she and her friends are gathering Sat 4th June for a BBQ and to make a video for their class project. It wasn't that she is now old enough to 'host' a study group, it was the 4th of June that hit me. Another indication that while Mike isn't 'forgotten' persae, the world is still turning. I love that she is growing and taking her own direction, it would blow 'Uncle Mike' away.

I hold the words of Carols Mike in my heart "You can't die because I do, mom." I guess that's true for the rest of the world.

[shorty16]

Good morning my friends,

It is very nice out today. I am hoping to take 1/2 day off and spend some quality time with hubby.

So glad to hear that people in Oklahoma are doing fine. Thought of you as the weather was terrible there.

Missing my boy today. Just miss everything about him. Hard to believe we outlived our children.

I need a hug today

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Crystal Rogerson]

I am sending you tons of hugs!!! Hope you get that quality time you need with the hubby. Be kind to yourself.

Good morning my friends,

It is very nice out today. I am hoping to take 1/2 day off and spend some quality time with hubby.

So glad to hear that people in Oklahoma are doing fine. Thought of you as the weather was terrible there.

Missing my boy today. Just miss everything about him. Hard to believe we outlived our children.

I need a hug today

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[westleysmom]

Colleen-Know what you mean, feeling the need for hugs myself. Sending you hugs and hope that you get to spend the 1/2 day with Scott and enjoy it.

I just haven't been in a posting mood this week. A few weeks ago, my husband's uncle and wife asked my husband to come over and build a handicapped ramp for him as he was getting very feeble. He had cancer and was getting weaker and weaker. Chris told me he dreaded doing it, because everytime he has done that for someone, they died shortly after. He built the ramp on Monday, and his Uncle Joe passed away Wednesday night. Fluid had accumulated and he was too weak to have treatment to get it off, and was put on life support Wednesday morning and taken off Wednesday night and died shortly afterward. He was 69, and he served in Viet Nam, he was a good man. I wasn't that close to him, and I am sad, but when am I not sad? I can't really tell that much when something sad happens that it has that much effect on me, because sad is my normal state. The visitation and service will be held in our church, where we had Westley's service. I am steeling myself to go, although I won't be going until tomorrow for the service, since I have to pick up my granddaughter this afternoon, and her mother doesn't want her to go. She is so smart, she just had her 3rd birthday on Tuesday, but she has so many questions that we don't know the answers to. The last time she was at a service, back in the winter, she was very concerned about where Miss Ann went, why did she die, was it because she was old. And of course, she is the one who told me as no one else has ever done the words that I can't even tell myself. "He's nebber coming back. Not ebber." I never tried to keep my kids from knowing about death when they were little, but we never lost anybody that was close to them when they were little. I think she may understand better than we do, but we just can't look into those eyes and try to explain the unexplainable. So we don't take her around funerals and visitations just yet. Its just too hard.

There have been storms about here almost every day and night this week. 30 homes were destroyed in the next county over on Monday night, and lots of trees down here and power outages, but I have just been busy at work with auditors this week. They're gone now, and I will probably have to take a 1/2 day off myself to go with Chris to see if we can find him a new suit. He's not a suit guy, but you have to have one sometimes and the last time he wore his, I noticed that he had a split seam on the shoulder. I guess he's just too hunky for suits (haha) He will be a pallbearer for his Uncle Joe. Burial is at a different cemetery, a family cemetery that is very small behind Grandaddy's old house. We mow there during the summer sometimes to keep it up, my FIL usually does, but all the cousins are supposed to take a turn to help out.

I hope that you all are safe and have some pretty weather for the weekend and that the memories that come to mind make you smile.

PS-Betty-I am glad you made it home, 45 blocks sounds like a long way. But it was a little funny.

[shorty16]

Consider yourself hugged Rhonda and Meg's Mom

Colleen

[lolynbo]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY VANESSA....BLESS YOUR FAMILY TODAY AND EVERY DAY...

GOT A NEW PUPPY YESTERDAY WHILE IN CITY GETTN MY $280 OIL CHANGE LOL, HER NAME IS ELLE MAE...I WILL TRY TO POST A PIC...

WELL THERE WAS A 3 YR OLD BABY BOY MISSN CUZ OF TORNADO, THEY SADLY FOUND HIM DEAD,,,, THE MOM HAS LOST 2 LIL BOYS DUE TO THE TORNADO, SO SAD...

[Crystal Rogerson]

OK folks...there are so many things happening right now that I am freaking out! Work has turned completely upside down. My boss and her assistant are moving to a new company that the owner has developed and left me to pick up the pieces. That is not the part that I am worried about, as I said was going to start making changes in my life starting June 1st (but I didn't know there were going to be forced changes as well). Go with the flow and see what happens I guess. The part that is bothering me is that they are giving me a new computer and told me to delete everything off of this one. I stay logged in to this site so I can be comforted at just the click of a button (I also stay logged on at home). When they give me my new computer...I don't know how to get logged back on because I am so bad with passwords and such (my memory is nil). I might only be able to read and post from home. I am having a minor anxiety attack even thinking about that. This is probably minor compared to what alot of you are facing and I know I'll still be able to come visit at night but I'm scared about my days. Wish me luck and know that each and everyone of you is in my heart and thoughts all of the time.

HUGE HUGS to everyone.

Love & Light

Crystal-Meg's mom

[shorty16]

Megs Mom

Just ask the Administrators on this site to e-mail you your password and user name to this site.

I have had to do that on several occasions and the Administrators here are very helpful.

After our company switched to a different server, I was unable to access this site. I talked with my manager and told him how important is was that I get to this site during the day. This allows me to calm myself.

Just ask for help from us and we will help. We are always here for you - Always.

Colleen

[shorty16]

Lorri

You and your family were and still are in my thoughts during the terrible weather you had.

So sad about the family that lost 2 little boys - I will pray for them.

Love, Love Love the name Elle Mae. What a cutie.

We, also give our pets 2 names: Iggy Ross, Cloe Belle, Tootsie Rose,(all cats) and Copper the Great (dog). Those are our pets names.

Copper was Brian's dog.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

PS: Kody, thanks for the thank you card. Hope you enjoy the seeds. Just something from Brian to Kourtney.