Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Wow Sharon, sorry that the husband cannot find a way to be more supportive. Sus, the advice I think you are speaking of was telling your husband that you are not going to be the same woman he met and married, that that woman is not here right now adn likely when you see glimmers of her, it will be mixed with new parts of the woman you are becoming. Grief is here, it is real, it cannot be shoved under the rug or swept away so that he can have a nice day. Remember those vows husband? Better or worse? wEll this is the worst, the very worst that life can offer right now, and if this isn't something he can lend support in, to help you with, then he needs to leave, you are going to need a lot of time and space to learn how to be you, a new you.

I wish you so much luck, it makes me sad to think that our grief actually feels like an inconvenience to someone, but that is what they are reacting to. Loving someone does not mean allowing your life to be further hurt. We are here.

Greg, love that analogy, thanks so much.

Chrisy, love that Clinton reached out to a young one, they say that girls between the ages of pre-puberty and puberty's end are the most easily reached by spirits adn souls. They are giving off more energy and are more open to it all. I agree with Sus on the dream of the young man not sure that he died, Shane woke up and was unsure of his new place perhaps because he did not suffer. I have struggled with this too, if my depending on Eri too much to show herself here and there means that I held her back or hold her back still? Don't know. I want her to be free as a bird, but I love the signs. Conflict!

[Guest msnher]

Dee - I was being really mean to Gary. After an especially difficult day (for me) I was fixing dinner when he came home. He was much too happy for my liking. He asked how my day was, as we always ask, and I looked at him and just shook my head. I told him I was going to insist on looking at the pictures of Stephanie at the crash site...at that time I was still listening to her friends who insist she was murdered. His response was a little too full of joy for me, "That would be interesting" he said as if I just told him I wanted to watch storm chasers on television. The venom spit from my mouth in a split second. I ripped him to shreds with my words. I wrote about it and you wrote back about not taking my anger out on him and gave me a better way to communicate. I took your advice but I'll be damned if I can remember what you said! IT was quite wise and it worked. I hope you remember it....or what would you tell me NOW if I acted like that.

Leah - by the way, in looking for Dee's words of wisdom, I just happened to click on JaBoa's birthday exactly one year ago. You talked about how big her feet were when she was born. You told about the time she sold rocks door to door (my Stephanie and her friend did that same thing). Pretty cool.

In reading back just a year ago, I was more functional then, than I am now. I hurt more then, but I was more active physically. Now, I'm easier to get along with, but I've gone to bed. I'm thinking, "this, too, shall pass". I hope so. I'm hoping I'll get up when spring hits.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[aim630]

Sharon-I too feel myself getting angry at my husband for no good reason. I know I shouldn't take it out on him. Sometimes I feel like he's just not sad enough, but right after Ashley died he was the one crying constantly & he could not function. He went to the doctor and got an antidepressant. I really don't want him to be like that anymore. I felt like I had to try to cheer him up, when I was sinking into a deep hole myself. I think we just take that anger out on those closest to us. I think Jeff understands, although he's not happy about it. I told him I can't be that person ever again, and you just have to deal with me this way. I hope you are able to talk to your husband and work things out. I think Shane was just trying to let you know he is ok. i had one dream like that about Ashley and she basically told me she was ok. It could be just my imagination wishing that it was really her, but I feel it was, especially because if it was just my imagination, why haven't I had the dream again? I would want to see her every night if I could, but it hasn't happened except once. Someone here once said maybe they only come once in awhile because they know it would be too easy for us to join them if we knew we could.

Crystal-I have not seen a medium, but Ashley's best friend did, and the medium told her several things that I don't think it would have been possible for her to know. (And the medium said Ashley wanted to tell her friend that she was ok)I don't think all mediums are genuine, because my aunt & uncle went to see one after my dad died, and it did not sound like anything my dad would ever say. I think maybe some people are just more attuned to "the other side" (like Susannah). It's an ability like any other, some of us are better at certain things. I'm glad you had a good time this weekend. I know Ashlee would want you to be able to enjoy your life as much as you can.

It started snowing again here this afternoon, this winter has seemed endless.

By the way, we couldn't even taste the catnip in the enchiladas, but once I knew it was in there, suddenly it didn't taste as good. If the cats wouldn't have jumped up on the counter, we never would have known! Thanks to Katie posting it on Facebook, within minutes we were getting texts from family members about it. I will never live it down!

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Guest msnher]

"The only reason I kept breathing was because my body wouldn't stop." (Carol - Jan. 10, 2010) Trying to find Dee's post.

[Crystal16]

Christy,

My daughter Ashlee also sends me rainbows they are beautiful. Before she died she mentioned to her cousin that if she happened to die young she wanted the song "If I die young" by the band perry playing at her funeral and we did. The lyrics are;

I cry everytime I hear it....hmmm did Ashlee know she was going to die young???

[Guest msnher]

"I hardly function. I have so much guilt. So much sadness. My counselor said I was grieving well. I have no idea what that means.

The more time passes, the harder it gets. I cry all the time. " (Me - November 13, 2009)

[Guest msnher]

• In Nov 2009 I wasn't able to visit your angel's memorial sites. I cried too much.

I'm only a few days into November 2009. Well, Sharon, I guess the words that were perfect for me wouldn't have been perfect for you or I'd be able to find them. I am reading some wonderful posts, though. I've come a lot further than I thought. And, y'all are so wise! Sheese, the love and warmth extended to me was fantastic (still is). I worried about not remembering names...about asking the wrong question, etc....I'm so grateful for you!

[dlj0403]

That song breaks my heart everytime I hear it. Two of Jenna's friends heard it at different times and both sent me text messages about it. They sent it to me and I just cried when I heard it. We are expecting storms on Thursday...I'm already hoping to get a bunch of rainbow pictures sent to me.

te name='Anglsgme16' timestamp='1298335443' post='72857']

Christy,

My daughter Ashlee also sends me rainbows they are beautiful. Before she died she mentioned to her cousin that if she happened to die young she wanted the song "If I die young" by the band perry playing at her funeral and we did. The lyrics are;

I cry everytime I hear it....hmmm did Ashlee know she was going to die young???

[dlj0403]

day 3 of Cymbalta...slept for 48 hours, made it to work only to feel like I had enough speed in my system that I couldn't relax. I sat in a two hour meeting white knuckled and tensed up. oh how i wish i could go back and never have to take another anti-depressant to make it through the day...

[aim630]

Crystal-My Ashley told several people, including me and her sister, that she felt she would die young. The summer before she got sick, when she was 22, she told me she would not live to be 25. She was 23 when she died, and actually the last 3 months she spent hospitalized, so she wasn't even awake on her 23rd birthday. I told her not to say that, but I wonder how she knew???

Christy-I took Zoloft for a few months, but had no energy at all. If I forgot to take it a day, I would feel sick. I couldn't sleep & tried Lunesta which did not work at all. Ambien made me feel like a zombie. They switched me to Wellbutrin, which gave me a lot of energy at first, but not so much now. It's better than the Zoloft though. Wish we didn't need to take anything at all!

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

AMy, I am still laughing, and that Katie announced it to the family sounds so much like our family. I hope that your husband too, can wrap his understanding around your being.

I was writing this so much earlier but I went to tend to dinner as the timer was beeping, Muffins in the oven. Jon and Shannon were coming to dinner and did but Shan felt so poorly I quick called the doctor and she was able to get Shannon in this evening. So John and I ate while JOn and Shan went to the doc adn they ate after returning. Shannon has a bit of fluid built up in her lung and the pain of deep breath was concerning. The doctor said she has seen a lot of this recently and sent her home with pain meds so that she can sleep and told her it should be clearing up in the next couple of days. So they ate and relaxed a bit and went home.

I graded a ton of papers and wrote in all of the weekly folders, now I am tired. Going to bed to read a few pages of a book and I am nearing the end. I will have to go out and look for a new book. I love finding new books, it feels like quite a treat to me. I cannot borrow from the library for the most part because I am a terribly slow reader. Most books take me a month or so. A few pages each night, like a sleeping pill for my overactive worry button. I think then of someone else's life and fall asleep. When I wake in the night and have insomnia, I turn on the light and read. That usually does it. Not always though, Lord knows I spent many a night wide awake with too many thoughts and an anxiety that could circle the globe and still have some left over. That first year after Eri died, I woke often adn slept way less than I needed. Be kind to yourselves New Parents, read and write and come here in the night when you cannot sleep. Try not to just sit and replay it all each time you wake, though I understand if that is what you are doing. Eventually, you will find ways to refocus your attention a bit in order to allow your mind to rest. Prayers for All,

dee

[ericasmom]

I did not see the posts about your Girls knowing or feeling liek they would not live long. I had those thoughts about Erica for a year and a half about ERi. They got more intense as time went along. I told my husband and my best buddie Kay a year before, and told my sisters just two weeks prior to Eri's accident. Eri told her friend Karolyn that she was frightened of being old.

Sus, it is good to look back sometimes, that is why I love journals, to look back allows a view of the work and pain and small victories that led you to now. I wish I knew what I advised as well, but this is better as you are seeing your steps that have brought you this far.

[Guest msnher]

With Stephanie's lifestyle I honestly expected her to die. But, after she graduated from rehab and was a different woman, losing her was the furtherest thing from my mind. After my sister and mother died, we did talk about what would happen when I died. I told them I would send butterflies. Stephanie told us she would send birds. And, she did...send birds.

Well, I can paraphrase, Dee, but it won't hold the same impact. You were articulate, as always. You were kind, as always...but, you were also tough spoke clearly so that "I got it". You told me to honor Gary's grief, too, and not to undermine his feelings. You told me how lucky I was to have him in my life and I needed to take it easy on him and throw my tantrums in a different way. You actually used the word tantrum. You were nice. You told me we all do that (have those tantrums) but you called it what it was and validated my husband. It was good and it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Calling it a night, now. Love to all of you, Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[kmb22]

I just put this together; I wanted to share it. Today is my birthday and this is my only wish...

[mikesmum]

We are Indigo's ~ now and always...

Its been a topsy turvy beginning to this week. We returned to the hills after an all too brief visit. Me to the shrink, Mal to the service. Rosters were mixed up at the Branch so he was called in a day earlier..threw all manner of plans to the wind.

The shrink says I'm 'improving'. My abyss days are less, my ability to identify what hits hardest allows me to 'recover' a little more quickly. One thing that 'always catches my breath' The thought that I haven't seen Mike in awhile and its a permanent thing. We haven't had a falling out and I'm waiting for him to call me, he's gone. My chest tightens and aches with that thought.

Betty - I had an Aunt who went to Iowa post war as a war bride. She would write tales of being snowed in for weeks with drifts to the roof line. Here we need to travel to the mountains to see blankets of snow. How I would love to experience the white blankets..maybe one day. I do love your picture....

One the subject of them 'knowing they would die young'. Mike never gave me that feeling. But the week before he died he reconnected with many friends and family that he had severed ties with once he was with Amanda. One was Steven his baby brother. They had been a odds for many reasons. He spent days with Lauren, took time out to have a haircut, downloaded music for is limited ability mum and spoke openly with Mal about life and love. Looking back I believe he was making his peace, saying his goodbyes.

Carol - Oh yes early starts with a grandie on his way in. I got the call last night for Jeya, but unfortunately I had calligraphy so we didn't get her. They keep you young....till they go home and then boy do you remember your age

Not sure if I posted this before, probably did, but hey. Miss Emily Jade is in her first year of high school. She is independant. Commuting by train to school, doesn't need mum to drive her. Well, Granma was in the area with mum and asked if we could swing by the station and pick her up.. Mum rang her the answer was no, she wanted to catch the train with her friends. Since we were already passing the station I looked for her. There were a number of girls in uniform but I couldn't see Emily. As we drove out I spotted her....I truly didn't recognise her.. can she really have grow that much in 6 weeks....

I will be back at the beach from tomorrow till Sunday. Steven turns 33 this coming Monday so I want to see him. Something that is obessively important to me.

[lostwoher]

HaPPy BirTHday KAREN!

Excellent work on the video. I cried some cleansing tears. Thank you for sharing. (( HUGS ))

I get it Trudi. Life goes on even tho a big part of us has stopped.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Karen Happy Happy Birthday I love the Video.It is so true

Trudi I agree Indigos Forever. Loved the picture of Ms Emily. I went to Catholic HS years ago. Our uniforms were not quite as cute but I remember loving riding public transport.Glad that you received a positive report from the shrink. You have worked so very hard with Calligraphy classes and Mr Mutley I admire you.

Dee Cooking dinner with muffins on a school night What a women I hope Shannon recovers quickly Life never is dull

When you spoke about your thoughts of Eri and her leaving young- I remembered I always felt that Stephen would die young-- He always said he was "An Old Soul" and did not need to spend much time here. When he passed I was hateful with my partner. I resented anyone who was ALIVE and Stephen was not.. I could not be social, watch movies etc but I did try not to verbalize my anger. I came here often withdrew and wrote my pain It helped I just noticed recently I am kinder to everyone and able to smile more readily It has gotten softer.but I am always sad

Carol I love hearing about Ms Cute His view of the world is so special and unique . I must say that Mike's memorial site is very special It is a labor of love and did inspire me to set-up one up for Stephen It really did help me to feel connected with him and relive all the memories I posted I visit it daily for my connection. Thanks

Christy I agree seeing the pictures of our angels and the other Indigos really makes the connection .I love seeing all the pictures and visit our Gallery here often

Sherry I love your picture that you painted of BI. It is like being in a comfortable sitting room with big chairs , good friends that you can sit and chat with any time That does describe how I view this safe place.

Lynn Loved seeing Kayla when I signed on today

Gregg Thanks for the lovely poem. It was inspiring

Betsy How are you doing in the snow

Rhonda , Sonya, Colleen, Lorri, Kathy, Christy, Sharon and all Indigos hold on and know you are not alone

[charsng1234]

happy birthday karen. Thanks for sharing your gift with us. Morning Susannah , Amy and Dee And all the moms I am still trying to get to know.. Names... Well back to work today scared to death my grief councler said I am doing great.. Than I leave his office and fall apart. I starting reading Allison Dubois last night. She is coming to Tucson I want to go see her. I watched her show for years never knew I wanted to reach out to her my son now. Well all have a blessed day.. Sharon shanes mom..

[Guest msnher]

Happy Birthday, Karen. Although I know it doesn't feel very happy...I'm glad you were born!

[shorty16]

Karen - Happy Belly Button Day (I love this Sus)

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[westleysmom]

Happy Birthday, Karen. The video was beautiful, I always liked Bread.

Betty-I feel like that too, that I am always sad. You know what really makes me angry? When I am feeling sad, and just around some people, and they want to force me to say I'm great, everything's fine. They'll look at you and you know they see your sadness, and they know why you're sad (not strangers, people who know you and know why you're sad) and they'll grin and say "How are you doing?" or "You doing alright?" when you are obviously on the verge of tears, or at best sporting a poker face. Hell no, I'm not doing alright. Why do you want me to say that? Why are you acting like you even care, am I messing up your good mood? This happened to me on Sunday with people who should know better, but apparently do not. My rant for the day. I'm glad to see you back more often and hope that means all is well with you.

The past few days have been really emotional for me. Yesterday would have been my friend Susan's son Andrew's 21st birthday. I was pretty busy at work and didn't ever get a chance to call her. We're going shopping Saturday halfway between here and there. I'm looking forward to seeing her. I'm still feeling bad about the trouble Westley's friend is in, I need to figure out how to visit him in jail. It's a probation violation thing that got him there, he overslept and missed a meeting. But apparently it wasn't the first time. I helped him with his tax return, but now he's going to owe more court costs and jail fines, so its probably all spent before he even gets it. Around here, if you get in trouble, its hard to ever get out of trouble, they make it so difficult and I understand in a way, but it seems to only make the situation seem more hopeless, so the kids give up. I wish I knew the answer.

Sonya, Sharon, Dee, Susannah, Leah, Sherry, Betsy, Bonnie, Greg, Kathy, Carol, Trudi, Crystal, Jenn, Lynn-Wishing you all a peaceful day

[briansdad]

Ok, the design is finished.I'll try to post it here. Let me know what you all think.

I forgot to tell you...This is a bumper sticker.I have them for Mom's , grandma ,grandpa, brother,and sister.

[shorty16]

To all Newbies

If I could give you one piece of advise that helped me tremendously - Men grieve differently than women. We have to accept that. Just because they do not cry on the outside (like we do) does not mean they are not crying on the inside.

I told our pastor that I thought Scott did not care as much as I did, because I could not stop crying. She said "You say that to the dog, not to your husband" Since than, I can see how Scott grieves. His shoulders slump, his eyes droop and he sighs alot. He will walk around the house like he is lost.

In my opinion, there is only one other person on the face of this Earth that knows what I lost - and that is my husband, Brian's Father.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[lostwoher]

Good job! Pat yourself on the back because I know you cant feel me doing it

[Crystal16]

Good morning all,

I am tired this morning fighting a cold.

Happy Birthday Karen...

[dwsmithrn]

wow, karen....great video....happy birthday....

i am fairly new to this site....i just lost my son, nathan, 4 weeks ago.....it is the hardest, sadest thing i have ever had to deal with and on some days, i don't deal with it very well at all. nathan, an awesome caring, loving, giving occupational therapist, took his life on Jan. 21st, for reasons no one wil ever understand. he could help every one around him, but apparently, not himself. he never let on that something was not quite right. this happened on a friday, 2 days after his 32nd birthday....fridays, for obvious reasons, really sadden me deeply and i can't even get out of bed on those days. i can never stop thinking, thinking constantly, so therefore, sleep doesn't come easy, either....does it ever make anyone wonder, how you can cry and cry, yet, there are always tears to flow? i often wonder how the body can produce so many tears...shouldn't they just dry up at some point? i am a nurse and my husband is a physician, yet we both keep pondering this question....yet, i don't want to stop the crying over my precious, precious, son. i miss him every second of every day and every night. my heart is shattered. i don't want to be here, and i don't want to feel this horrific pain, as i know you all don't want to find yourselves here, either. thanks for listening and thanks for helping to hold me up. nice to have new friends who understand my grief...others just don't get it...sometimes people say the dumbest, most cruelest things.....later....diane

[crystalann]

I feel like I have been in endless sadness.I lost my dad at 18 had to tell the doctors to stop working on him. took years to get my faith back!Lost my mom 2 years ago to copd did cpr on her didnt know if I would ever be the same told drs to stop working on her. I thought I learned what I was suppossed to from that. FAMILY IS MOST INPORTANT! Started liveing to the fullest. Now my son! shot for no reason had to stand over him and watch his dad start cpr I had faith I prayed harder than I ever have. But nothing he got now chance to fight I am so angry Why didnt he get a chance he loved life and knew what was inportant Thats why he was staying with his grandpa!To help him.This pain is nothing like loseing my mom and dad. It is so much worse!This just might break me

[briansdad]

Here is a link once again for the new people. I hope it helps.

http://www.bpusastl.org/images/IN-THE-BEGINNING-09-20-10.pdf

Greg

[hotrod]

Dear Diane

I am glad you found us and shared about your wonderful son Nathan. It is a difficult road we are all on but together we are able to slowly move on one moment at a time. I saw Nathan's picture inthe Gallery and he is so very handsome. I am so sorry for your loss

Keep coming back

[Guest msnher]

Diane - I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Nathan! I found your original post on the main forum page and also looked at his picture in the gallery. There is no easy way to lose a child, but it is made more difficult when our child chooses to take their own life. It seems all the horrendous emotions we carry are magnified. This is also true when the child is very young. As parents we feel responsible and can't bear the thought of our child suffering, no matter what the cause and/or age. When the manner of death is suicide our thoughts go on overtime to attack us and try to understand. There is a literal war going on in our heart and mind. That is true for each of us, of course, but as I said, it is magnified when it is a suicide. I am glad you found us. There is no judgment here. There are no rules. When you are able please tell us more about Nathan. Tell us about anything you want. Just get it out.

My name is Susannah. I live in Casper Wyoming. My 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, died in an ATV accident on 8-9-09. She left behind three young children whom my husband and I are raising. On October 1, 1991, my 18 yr old nephew, James, shot and killed himself. James death had a devastating effect on me and I stayed drunk for 12 years because I couldn't deal with the pain and guilt. However, nothing prepared me for the loss of my own daughter. Finding Beyond Indigo (now called Grieving.com) literally saved my life. There are days I function better than others, but I still don't function like I did before she died.

You are so new to this journey...this club. The club none of us wanted to be a member of. You are still so raw. Please, hold onto us. We aren't afraid of your pain. We will walk with you. Together we stand a chance of surviving.

Light and love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

First let me say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAREN! And thank you for the music accompanied by such gorgeous photos. Are those your photos? So beautiful and I like others here, sat and had tears. I know all the words and sang along. I know that the birthdays we used to enjoy are much more difficult now, but your Boy sure is glad that you were born and proud of the Mom you are to him, forever his Momma.

Now I am seeing two more new names here, and my heart aches for your coming because we know what it means for you to have found us. Oh my, so many new parents to this site and we hold you all in our love and hopes and prayers. Diane, I am Diane too, but go by Dee, however there is a new Mom here also named Dee. I want to learn more about Nathan. Be well Dear, how hard this road and so I am glad that you came here to be a part of something bigger than any one of us. Tyler's Mom, same to you, I look forward to learning more about you and Tyler and life before this tragic ending to his sweet life. We are here for you any time of day or night. Blessings.

Greg, what can I say, the bumper sticker is fabulous. Let us know the cost and if we could order them from you.

[Guest msnher]

Crystal - Hang on! Hold on to us. Losing a child doesn't just break us, it shatters us. Sometimes I think it's the being put back together part that causes the most pain. I thought I had enough faith to carry me through anything. I had remained strong through very difficult times, but nothing prepares us for the death of our child. Nothing. We are not afraid of your anger. If you are able, let it out here. Yell, curse, scream....just get it out.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Greg - thank you for posting the link for newcomers. It was very helpful to me when I joined.

[dwsmithrn]

greg..

thanks for the website...i will go there and read it....i am looking for anything, just anything, that can help take away, or at least help my sadness and grief....i hurt so badly, i don't know what to do with myself on any given day....also, i like the bumper sticker. thanks....diane

[Crystal16]

Greg,

Thanks for sharing the link the articles are very helpful to me!!

[westleysmom]

Greg-Love the bumper sticker, would love to buy several for myself and gifts.

Diane and Tyler's Mom-I'm so sorry that you have a reason to be here. My name is Rhonda and my 20 year old son Westley died in his sleep last January. He would have been 21 less than a week later. He was at a friend's house and we got a frantic early morning call, but he was already gone. He had mixed a small amount of alcohol with some prescription medicine and his sleep apnea, and he just quit breathing. I blame myself every day, for what varies daily. That I can't remember ever specifically saying you don't mix alcohol and drugs? That you need to be sure not to sleep on your back if you're not using your cpap machine? That he didn't come home that night after he decided he was too out of it to drive? All my fault, all the time. We'd had a big fight several nights before about drinking (he wasn't legal age and we didn't let him drink at our house) But we'd spoken again and said I love yous, so I guess it could be worse. Although what could be worse than the mere fact of his death, I can't really imagine. I came here in June and found the friendship of people who understand sadly the feelings of guilt and regret that I have. I hope that it helps you as much as it has me. I am not past the point of daily bouts of tears, but I know people who are, and it gives me some hope. Peace and hugs to you both. I am so sorry for your loss.

[shorty16]

Greg

I will take 4 of those bumper sticker.

1. Mom

2. Dad

3. Brother

4. Sister

Tell me where to send the money!!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Tyler's Mom

So sorry you have to be here, but here is the place where you will find hope.

We have all been in your shoes. They are ugly shoes and I hate wearing them, but I have no choice.

My son died on 6-19-2008 at the age of 16 (1 month from 17). He decided to climb on the hood of a car. His "friend" drove with Brian on the hood, lost control and hit a tree. Brian died within minutes of hitting the ground. The scene is 1/4 mile from our home. The driver is now a convicted felon at age 18 - No one wins in this.

I am living a nightmare, but these friends here have shown me the light. There is life after the death of our children - even though it does not seem like that now.

I have 2 surviving children: 20 and 17 (they were 18 and 14 at the time). Very tough for them to function. But we are doing better...You will too.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[crystalann]

I moved to the middle of no where to keep my kids safe! We did every thing together.When they leave the the house I tell them the dangers out there drugs drunk drivers wear your seatbelt....... I never thought to warn them there might be a tweeker with a gun in your grandpas house in the middle of the day!!! I even warned the boys of the dangers of 22's specificlly and thats what took my Tyler.I knew thats what it was when we got there and lifted his shirt.The hole was so small I thought for a min. oh thats not real bad but I knew deep down it was.I dont know what to do.I dont think I believe in anything anymore

[Crystal16]

Crystal,

I'm here so you can lean on me when you feel you can't breathe anymore I've BTDT. I understand your anger, we all do this place we come back to daily is our saving grace.

[kmb22]

Edit

[daveydow1]

_{HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAREN.! !,.Thanks for the video. Bread........ always one of my favorite}

_{groups, and the words to the song are so true.}

_{Tylersmom.... I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Tyler. This site has been a lifeline for many}

_{of us here. I'm sorry that you had the loss of your son to have found this place, but as othere have}

_{said.....it is a good site, and everyone here understands your pain and grief. Please come back}

_{to BI. Thoughts & prayers.}

_{We got 11 inches of snow yesterday.......but sun today, and some of it melted off. Not much else to}

_{say today.}

_{Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry}

[nicksdad]

I know they say bumper sticker but any change they can go on like window decals..like clear?

Ok, the design is finished.I'll try to post it here. Let me know what you all think.

I forgot to tell you...This is a bumper sticker.I have them for Mom's , grandma ,grandpa, brother,and sister.

[kmb22]

Edit

[lolynbo]

AH WE OWN A SIGN COMPANY IF THAT HELPS ANYONE...

[dlj0403]

I have to share a story....last night I was having a hard time so I went outside for "some fresh air (aka smoke!)". I was looking up to the stars. They were beautiful. I was standing there and told Jenna that I was sure needing a sign....anything.... This was about 9:30 last night. About 10:15, her boyfriend (I guess in my mind, he will always be her boyfriend) sent me a text message. He was wondering what I was doing. I haven't seen him in over a year but talk to him via text and FB. I told him I was going to bed as 5:30 comes to early and I have to be at work at 7. I asked him if everything was ok and he said yes. I turn my cell phone off at night. So, I got up this morning and there was another text from him. It said to look in my mailbox when I got up. So, I went to my mailbox and inside was a card and a beautiful necklace that he and his new girlfriend (fiance) had bought me. Inside the card, he was thanking me for being his rock. he said he didn't know where he would be without me. He wants me to be a part of his wedding planning.

Then, when I get to work, I pulled out my cell phone (yes, I am addicted) and I had a FB message from someone that her husband worked with Jenna at Hollister. She said that she had come across a picture that she had taken near a lake here in Oklahoma and wanted me to see it and that she was thinking about me. It was a beautiful picture of some clouds but there was an open heart in the clouds.

I knew then that my Jenna had heard me and sent me these signs.....just had to share with you all....it made my day a little better!

[briansdad]

I know they say bumper sticker but any change they can go on like window decals..like clear?

Well dan they will be able to stick on windows too. If you were to print on clear it would take away from the readability.Besides Most printers can't print white.

I have already had the image copyrighted because I think it's so good.

[ericasmom]

Just look at the wonderful ideas that spring forth on this site, my heart is warmed by the flow of communication and friendship.

Sherry, 11 inches? Wow, that came from nowhere. I am glad that the sun shone on you today, it was as gray as the previous several days here.

Okay, new parents to this sadness, please know that we are all here for you, do not feel you have to learn our names, eventually our names and photo icons will come to you and until then, make no apologies as to who is who. It does take time, and there are many of us. I do not remember a time in my 7 years here where so many have joined in such close proximity to one another. So many of you who have recently joined are dealing with this tragedy within the same weeks as one another. Hold onto each other adn hold onto us, as we all try to find the gentlest way of moving forward. Remember that in these early stages, the first year especially, our tears flow and flow and you must, MUST, replace the water in your bodies, so drink plenty of water and juice and tea. Talk with your doctor about vitamins so taht your immune system which has been shocked along with the rest of you, does not get too rundown. We really take a beating physically as well as mentally adn emotionally. Try to eat some small meals through the day if you are one of those folks who does not want to eat. Try to eat gentle things like yogurt and crackers adn soups until your appetite evens out again. These may seem trite, but really, your health is important. Many of you have others who love you too, and Lord knows we don't want our loved ones to go through any more than they already have. I know many of us wondered: WHY BOTHER? But the fact that we are here means we have a job still to do here, and your Baby would want very much for you to take care of yourself. So right now, if it seems taking care of yourself is not important, it is. Your coming here says a lot, it says that you want to be with others who know. We do know. We care and we understand the absolute rage, despair, fear, and shattered hearts you may be experiencing. The only way through grief, is through it, not around it or under or hide. And we never will be done as in findished with grieving, we find our new steps out of much hard work and heartache, but we will always live on in the light of the ones we lost. No matter how they left, why they left, their age, they left and we will always remember their lives, mourn their deaths, and carry them everywhere we go.

My hope to you all

[ericasmom]

Jenna's Mom, how wonderful those signs are. It shows three very important things, that she let you know that she is not far away, and that others think of her, won't forget her, and that you, even in your deep grief, have been a support to another who loves her. I hope taht the little bit better feeling lasts into the next few days showing you that there are days when things soften a bit.

[dlj0403]

Karen - I loved your video. Bread is one my all time favorites too....hope you had a happy birthday