Loss of an Adult Child

[Crystal16]

Thanks for the get well wishes.. I need to get my energy level back quickly. Dylan has a 3rd reduce bail hearing on 2/15, I need to make an appearance for.

[charsng1234]

hey all we never got the report. the police told us we have to wait till nexy week. It is friday cold outside and I am so alone. My husband seems to be mad at me over everything I say. I asked him to talk to someone with me. I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I put makeup on today to help me so I would not cry, it helped alittle. Don't really know what do do with myself, want to sleep and wake up and its monday. I am glad I have you all to talk to I think I would go crazy other wise. My life stopped on the 15th of January at 7:30 in the morning when I came across the crime seen. I hope I can somehow rebuild my life. I miss shane so much. My heart is crushed.Well my friends I am off to take a hot bath cry a little and maybe write to shane. Night all...

[shorty16]

Shaneray17 – I am sorry you have to be here, but very glad you found us. My son, Brian was 16 when he decided to the climb on the hood of a car. His friend drove freeway-speed, lost control, and hit a tree. Brian hit the ground and died within minutes – the scene is ¼ mile from our home. The driver is now a convicted felon at age 18 (then, 2009 he was sentenced). Hang in there, one minute, sometimes one breath at a time. We have all been there and have survived to talk to you today.

Crystal – You go girl. I know how draining these hearings can be; especially when you are recovering from a hysterectomy (I had one 1.5 years ago – best thing I ever did). If you can, make eye contact with the judge as much as possible. When our judge had to make key choices, he did look at me and I nodded (yes/no) as to how I felt – he usually took it – but not every time. Picture our angels around you – call them by name inside your head. You will feel them around you (I know you think I am nuts – I do, but it worked for me).

Sherry – Sorry, I do not remember ironing when I was young. I do not remember my Mom doing it either; some things-yes. We iron more now than I did when I was young. We have a steamer also, I use that more than the iron. Are you watching the Super Bowl this weekend? Go Packers.

Betsy – Since you live in PA, I am sure you are a Black and Gold fan??? I wish both teams good luck with no injuries, but if Green Bay wins – that will really be awesome. The Steelers have won many times – Kind-of like the Yankees in baseball (I think). I will be thinking of you as a friend on the day of the big game.

Terri – The garden idea sounds great. I love gardens. I do some container gardening – you can move them around. I place both perennials and annuals in container gardens. I can remember one year I grew annuals the smelled – Mint, Lemon grass, Lavender. It was really fun – I would have the kids rub the leaves against their fingers and the smell was really strong. Brian thought lemon grass smelled like Pine Sol – good memory.

Lorri – Thanks for considering Green Bay to win the Super Bowl. I agree, we have cabin-fever also. The wind is what makes it so cold here. I know us Wisconsinites are suppose to be used to this stuff – but WOW -10 wind chill is too cold for me. Glad you got your laptop back.

Trudi – Minn. was a memory maker for all of us. I tell the story of our first meeting when I locked myself out of my hotel room; and our trip to pick-up Carol and Bonnie at the airport. We could hear the airplane, because the sunroof on the truck was open, but we could not see the airplane until we looked up - - - we could count the rivets in the wing of the airplane – as Trudi sat on the floor in the front seat of my truck, AKA – The Beast. I promise, If you come to visit us in the USA again, I will show you another great time.

Susannah – How is my pal out West? Are you the one who told me one of your kids or kid-n-law is a Packer Fan!!! I know when we lived in Utah, we were astonished at the amount of Packer Fans that lived out there. And not everyone had a tie to Wisconsin.

OK Football Fact – The Green Bay Packers are the only NFL or AFL team to be owned by the city they represent. The Green Bay Packers are owned by the people of the city of Green Bay. Shareholder meetings are held in the stadium – it is really cool.GO PACK!!!!

Colleen, Brian’s Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

One of my memories of laundry, Mom putting the wet clothes through a wringer, a hand wringer. THen some clothes were rolled and put in a bag and taken into the kitchen for ironing. I too loved the smell of the iron on damp clothing.

Sharon, the grief you are in is EXTREME, you are so new on this timeline, aching is all that is possible, to even try not to cry too much is spending a ton of energy on something you may not be able to accomplish. Is your husband frustrated with your sadness? is it because he cannot fix it? Is he Shane's father or step-dad? As many of us know, men adn women tend to grieve differently. We woman are often more outward in our grief. Really Sharon, give yourself a break here, there isn't one of us that would be able to stop crying through sheer will at that point. I cried in my sleep, woke up crying fell asleep crying. Best out than in, those tears need to come out if you are crying, they just do. I am sorry that the police did not follow through on giving you the report. Is there any reason to that?

Lorri, so glad that you have your laptop back, HOORAY! tell the kids we love the car.

[mikesmum]

Oh yeah, large glass bottle with a sprinkler top that granma would shake over the linens etc that needed pressing with her coal filled iron. She switched to electric around 1950 something. That was plugged into the light socket in the kitchen....ahh the good old days.......

[mikesmomrs]

Just poppiing on to say hello...no way I'll ever "catch up." I can't believe how many posts there have been in the past day or so...wow! It's good, though, good to see everyone coming on and sharing their day, their tears, their smiles...I know it sounds odd to say that it is "good" to see everyone sharing their "tears," but that means that we are moving through our grief... Dee and others who have mentioned it are so right...you do not need to hold back those tears...they are part of our healing. They must come out. Coming here is healing, too...I don't know where i'd be if I had not found this site to help me through those horrible days of early grief. That pain can still show up and catch us totally off guard, but it is true that over time, healing does take place, the sharp, gut splitting pain that we felt at first is softened some, and we are able to find again those things that our angels want us to know...joy, peace, smiles, and even laughter.

Terri: Nice to see you again, and your smiling angel's face...the garden sounds awesome!

Shaneray: We are holding you close, sharing your grief, reached out to you in spirit.

Today was a long day for me...Sarah's mom needed transportation to a couple of doctor's appointments, so I wound up picking Damon up at school, but we didn't have to be at his Umma's til 1 pm, so we had time for lunch and some play. We drive by a huge metal blue crab, outside the Children's Museum, in our town, when we take Damon home. Today was such a beautiful day, sunny, almost warm--compared to what we've been having. So I headed over to let Damon get out of the car to see that crab up close. Well, we wound up in a winter wonderland...outside the museum is a beautiful park, and it has been plowed on the paths through it, but the ground on the paths are still snow covered, so literally everything is white. There's 2-3 feet of snow all over the grassy areas, and the snow banks are piled high. The benches were almost all completelly covered in snow, except this one was peeking through...Damon came up to it from behind, climbed over, and sat down, looking like he'd been sitting there since before the snow started!

He was so funny! Everything was so amazing to him. We were there for close to an hour, and he never stopped...just wanted to see it all.

When we went to pick up his Umma (Sarah's mom), she was very anxious and nervous, as she was meeting a new doctor today, and she has had issues with her previous one being very brusque and cold. To add to her day, it is the anniversary of her brother's passing, last year. She and I shared her grief at that time, and a couple of times since. He lived out of state and she hadn't seen him much, so the loss was compounded by that as well. He was only in his mid-50's. After talking about it for a bit, we headed to the doctor's office. When we went in, she was standing at the check-in window. I happened to look down at the floor where she was standing and she was standing right in the middle of this...

HEART SHAPED SNOW MELT ON THE FLOOR...

When I showed it to her, she smiled and instantly calmed down. By the time we got to the seating area, she was feeling so surrounded by her brother and you could see it on her face. We talked about her brother some more, while she waited to be called.

When we came out of the clinic, we were walking down the sidewalk and this was in front of her:

Needless to say, she was overwhelmed. But very much at peace. I was so glad for her that this happened.

I hope you all have a good evening, at least what's left of it for those of you not asleep yet.

Carol mikesmomrs

ps: I remember that sprinkler bottle top on the soda bottle, too. Many times I would come home from school and the whole bottom shelf of the fridge would be covered with rolled up clothes that had been sprinkled and were waiting to be ironed. Since I was the youngest, I only had to do the pillowcases! I loved the smell of the linen when the heat of the iron hit the dampness of the cloth.

PPS: Almost forgot...today started out on a huge, positive note: I managed to get OPENING DAY tickets! YAYYYY!!!

[ericasmom]

You started the day on a positive note Carol, and then you spread it to others near and far with your lovely hearts, with your lovely heart. Thanks dear Friend for your great abilityto capture the NOW in a day. Damon indeed adds to that positive message from you.

PS I had to do the pillow cases too, and hankies.

[mysonrich]

Hello all, a quick hello this morning and a note to Colleen; I really do like GB's hair ! Especially when its nice and clean and the guys are in suits. Since the Eagles didn;t make it past you all, I'll watch but not sure who to cheer for.

http://content.usato...ir-care-deals/1

See you all later

[charsng1234]

morning everyone I made it through the night ok, now I just need to make it through today. The police were at my house in about 5 minutes 3 weeks ago telling my husband shane was gone. I have such a headache cant get out of bed. And my husband was shanes step father I know he loves him, but he gets mad I think cause he never seen me like this before. He cant fix me and I think That is what bothers him. I go on my sons facebook page and write to him, I make sure people dont forget him. I dont know if that is healthy just can not stop myself. Hope everyones day goes well.

sharon... shanes mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Sharon Glad to see that you did get some rest last night. I agree, my long time friend also "thought his job was to fix me" When he could not, he was unsure what to do---so fighting was his option!!! NOt wise!!! This is a very hard time for everyone Do what you are comfortable doing , post to the Facebook So glad you feel that we, the Indigo Family" are now part of your life and that you are not alone.

Terri Oh my it made my heart happy to see Adam's smiling face today I love the idea of an angel garden Maybe we can all participate somehow!!!!

Sherry I can so identify with being the +mover and shaker 'and getting things done. I can just see your husband's reaction when he learned that YOU had moved that huge piece. I have caused that same look from people often!!

Betsy great to see you and I loved the ice picture. NYC looks very much like that In fact many cars that have not been moved since the storm are covered very nicely with layers of ice It looks beautiful to me but i am sure the owners have a much different view of the issue

Carol What a wonderful gift you gave the other grandma!! Your Heart and the hearts that were discovered on your way yesterday are very special.. I always smile at the stories of Damon. . Somehow he reminds me so very much of Stephen, in his great abandon to the moment and joy of living!!!As Dee said Thanks for brightening my day

Sonya I agree with Dee, it is special and so great to see beautiful Danielle when I signed on I am doing well in So Jersey with my sister. I do believe she is able to be by herself but that she is enjoying the Company and is "pretending"

Crystal take care of yourself. I know the court date is coming up so be very gentle with yourself

Trudi' Loved the map

Looking forward to the Super Bowl evens if NY is not one of the teams

My other favorite team is!!!

The STEELERS. Betsy Thanks for the link

HAVE A BLESSSED DAY ALL.

[Guest msnher]

Sharon - The word "healthy" no longer applies in our situation. As long as you don't do anything to harm yourself (or anyone else) whatever you're doing is the right thing to do. I would like to "friend" Shane's facebook page. When you are ready, if you are ready (and it's okay if you're not) please share his full name with us and I will look it up.

PS - I spent the first few months running from grief. I declared I did not have time for it and was not going to do this! I was wrong. Hang in there, Sharon. Hold on tight to us. We are not afraid of your pain. I wish I was there to sit quietly with you. Hugs.

[Crystal16]

Sharon- Our lives as we’ve known it has been forever altered by the unspeakable loss of our Angel’s. The group is here for you to encourage, help you press into the pain and hold you up when feel you can’t go on. If you want to cry then cry, be kind to yourself and take baby steps. You wrote you would write to Shane that is a therapeutic process for you, or anyone of us, that needs get our emotions out on paper and in a nondestructive way. I too write on Ashlee’s FB it helps me through the grieving process to write my emotions out and to read her friends post, as they too are grieving the loss of such a beautiful person.

Colleen- I too want the Packers to win the Super Bowl… Very cool football fact you shared about the team.

Carol- The picture of Damon has me missing Maine and all my family and friends. I can recall the major

Snow piles and how pretty it was to view from afar. The hearts you’ve shared with all of us are a truly a

Blessing, thank you, my friend! Glad to hear you got your opening day tickets… I’m ready for Spring

Training.

Thinking of everyone and praying you have peaceful day, Carol, Trudi, Betsy, Dan, Greg, Susannah, Terri, Michelle, Karen, Dee, Sherry, Sonya, Betty and anyone else I may have missed.

[kmb22]

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[lolynbo]

SO AGAIN IF YOU NO ANYTHING ABOUT CADILLAC RANCH...THERE IS SEVERAL CADILLACS LIKE 10 TO 15 THE ONE KIMBELRY AND CODY CHOSE SAID IN LOWER LEFT HAND CORNER "HI MOM"...BARELY VISABLE NOW BECAUSE THEY WERE DECORATING IT WITH THEIR MESSAGE...IF YOU LOOK YOU CAN SEE IT INFRONT OF CODY KNEE....ALSO ON THE BOTTOM ( YOU CANT SEE IT IN THIS PIC) IT SAID "HALIEE".....(WHICH WAS ONE OF KOURTNEYS BFFS.) AND OF COURSE THE FN PIC WONT POST..

[bealison]

Does anybody else expect their baby to just come walking through the door and tell you it was all a horrible mistake? Or that you're just having a bad dream and you'll "wake up"?

Amy, A medically induced coma (or any kind of coma) sounds like a particular kind of hell. And the staff who did "spa day" for your daughter sound very special. gosh your story is sooooo familiar....the medical folks at the children's hospital Amelia was in for her first transplant were so much more caring and attentive to my own situation.. Your poor little girl. It's awful watching them in pain and having to deal with an indifferent medical staff when you're already stressed to the max. What appalling treatment those nurses provided in the step-down. And all your baby wants to do is come home.

The Wizard of Oz was a favourite of Amelia's when she was wee. She had the soundtrack and fell asleep to it every night. Her "third grampa" (who donated the kidney) spoke of this at her memorial noting that she had "heart, brains, and courage". When she was hospitalized she just wanted out: "there's no place like home". As a single mum I'd worked so hard to give her a "home" -- buying and selling houses an moving up the property ladder until I could afford a place with 2 apartments....one for her and one for me, knowing that with her illness she would need more support than most adult children.

After she died (the night before she was meant to move out and finally have her own little spot), I gave a friend power of attorney, put the house on the market and went to stay in a friend's condo in Istanbul where I didn't leave the building for two weeks and spent all my time weeping and poring over the flikr site that had photos of her group tour to Europe. There were 2000 photos on that site and I looked at each one, hoping to spot her hair in the background or -- bonus -- a pic with her face in it.

Once the house sold, I gave away everything except the furniture in her bedroom, where I slept for two weeks before the sale closed. Some people found this creepy.

I imagine all of us wish our babies could get some ruby slippers and click their heels together 3x and be back home. It's been almost 3 years now and I still just want her to come home.

[bealison]

Amy, p.s.: I cannot believe your boss said that to you. That tops all the insensitive things I heard... ('she's in a better place', 'she was needed somewhere else', 'she doesn't know she's dead', 'she's up there watching over us', 'it was a merciful release' -- that last one from my mom...nice). Oh and the guy who treated the Shiva/visitation like it was a party and I had to boot him out well past the designated hours and he nicked 2 bottles of wine. People really can be such twits. But your boss is mondo beyondo.

Being a young mum means you've never known adult life without your baby -- we were all in it together -- and then it changes forever. Next time I have a slurpee I will think of your little girl.

[ericasmom]

Hello everyone, I am writing from school where the 30 something annual carnival wrapped up. My student council had a contest for our continued help for Haiti. We do a fund raiser every year, the last two years have benefited Haiti. ANyhow, it was a greeting card contest, students invited to enter and the theme was NATURE> So the student council had to vote for their fav designs for each grade level. Two winners from each grade level, not each class because the printing costs would be too high. So we have cards left over that I will have to try to see for our profit margin to grow for the cause. They are gorgeous, on recycled paper with mismatched envelopes, but what the heck, those were donated. So far we raised 520.00. They were 8.00 a pack of 6 cards, one from each grade level. We have an event on Monday night that might find use for selling them as it is a cocktail party for the cause, we support a specific orphanage in Haiti. I am beat, have been standing since 9:00 am, two bathroom runs and that is it.

Sharon, I asked about your husband because many of us also are married to someone that is not the father of our lost child. It is difficult at best for them to see us this way, but it is also in their best interest to find ways to understand because one thing they seem to not get...sorry to be harsh...is that we don't need them in our lives if they are not there in a more positive way. If they can't see that we will never be that same exact woman, or if they can't handle that, then getting some help or not is the ultimatum. Your heart is ripped in two, no love comes close to that of our children, so ...

My husband never had kids, so at first, he could not fix things adn once the dust settled, he was sure that I should be less fidgety or nervous. I said one day, I am not going to be less fidgety or less nervous, possibly forever. If you can't find ways to be next to that and accept that, you need to rethink your future.

We are very tight now, it was hard on him to see me broken, but we found ways to work with each other. One thing I knew however adn believe is, I don't need anyone as partner, I am independent and able, so if you do not want this life, find another.

[daveydow1]

Colleen-----I'm not really a big football fan, BUT.....I def. will be on the side of GREEN BAY PACKERS !!!

Sus---Your Gram's house must have been a nice place to come to, with her coffee perking, and the clean smell

of starch and ironing. Taking in ironing for money used to be popular, but not so much anymore. I guess it's

because of all the newer fabrics that don't need to be ironed (thank goodness)

Carol-----What a lovely heart-shaped snow melt, signs from dear Mike, ....and just in time for Valentine's Day.

Sharon----Oh, friend, .... I am so glad that you found your way to this site, although very sad for the need of such a

place. I think that what you are experiencing is totally understandable. You are so very new on this rough road. I

think that all of us here at BI know just what you mean about not wanting to move/breathe etc. at the point you are

at right now. I'm sorry that your husband seems angry. As Dee said.......sometimes men and women grieve in

different ways. Since you mentioned that you don't have many people to talk to,....this is the place where you can

come and always tell how you feel. Everyone understands. I'm sorry that the police report was delayed. It is good to write

your thoughts to your dear son, Shawn on his facebook page. Somehow, writing down thoughts, prayers, and feelings

helps. I have kept a journal since my son, David, died nearly 8 yrs. ago. I don't write in it everyday......just when I'm inspired

to do so.

Sending thoughts & prayers to you.

Trudi----A coal-filled iron. I don't think I could have managed that. It was nice when she got an electric iron. I guess that

the "good old days'' sometimes translated into more WORK, and inconvenience.

Karen----Sorry that so many roofs have collapsed in your area. Just be careful when checking out for damages.

Betty-----Even today, I sometimes can't believe that I took on such a job with bringing down that 250# door chest from the

upstairs. I think......Yikes....what if that thing started falling. (gulp)....Oh well,....it didn't, and I'm so glad. Maybe someone

was there helping me. How's the little squirrel ?

Amy----I forgot to comment on the thoughtless and dumb remark that your boss said. That sure would be one for the book

someon said should be written.......about "you didn't just say that". That must have been terribly hurtful to you. I hope

Katie is feeling a bit better.

Dee----Today, I had the house to myself, so got busy putting up new curtain rods for curtains to go under the valances in the

bedroom. Husband was gone for the day.......can't get much done when he's home, somehow. At any rate, I do much better,

and get more accomplished when I'm home alone.....just me and Brownie (cat).

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[charsng1234]

thanks everyone for your kind words. My son's name was shane ray taylor, I am having a horrible day!! Went to the store bought 2 cakes one for the packers/ one for steelers as I was putting my groceries in my cart the cart flips and both cakes end up side down. I come home and talk to my son cry yell than cry some more. There used to be a time I loved the weekends now I dread them. I am trying to get through this ugly day its so hard. I asked god today to give me my son back I would do what ever he asked of me. And I always wake up and think my son is going to wal through the door and ask me why am I so sad? Mom I am here just kidding I did not die. And Amy I also got the same thing asked to me dont you believe your son is in a better place?? U just look al them and cant do anything because you know if you open your mouth all the anger will come out on them.Well my new family thanks for being here for me once again. For for shane GO PACKERS!!!! Love you son

[ericasmom]

Sharon and Alison, yes, we do for some time expect our Child to walk on through that door again, eventually that expectation goes away but the fantasy of it lingers perhaps forever. As far as folks and what they say, keep a little journal of it because we are trying to compile sayings that are off putting and gather them in a book entitled: OH NO, YOU DIDN"T JUST SAY THAT!" We have all heard the comments mostly said in good will, a way to say something to acknowledge the loss. But the ones said out of just plain-i-have-no-instincts-people...well those are the gems we are gathering.

The better place comment, well it is an old saying and well believed by many and I don't fault folks that one because it is in their hope and beliefs that tjere is a better place. But as the young boy in the story I am writing, (about a boy who loses his Dad suddenly), when someone says to him, "your daddy's in a better place," he says, " how could there be a better place than home with me?" And so often this is how we feel, what better place? I do however have a belief that our Kids are in a safe place where they find peace and beauty beyond measure, and I do believe we will see them again. It may be simplistic, but I do believe that.

No matter what anyone believes however, it is in these comments that we find it hard to keep our anger in check, and boy, sometimes why should we? One of my moments came about a month after Erica was killed and I walked through the farmers market with two friends, not having been there in a month. An old love of mine walked toward me and pulled me aside and with his hands on my shoulders said this, " I just couldn't be near your pain so I could not come to the funeral." Really I don't care who could or could not come, I realize that some folks really cannot handle these events, but to him I simply said, " oh, no worries, your wife came." I was vindictive and enjoyed striking verbally right from the wound he struck. Oh well, sometimes the barbs will fly.

Sounds to me Sharon, like this day was very trying and I am sorry for that. I sure do wish that you never had to find us, but again, I do think your being here will support you as you go along.

Karen, I love that photo of Shawn, so handsome. I know that at 5 month mark in time- it seemed to me that we had just received the call that changed our lives too. I also remember that taht is when I found this place and went to therapy. The shock that had worn away at that point left me raw and looking for help. I was and will forever be grateful to have come here. We are with you Dear. Hope the roof holds, that small amounts of snow leaves the roof each day...where are you thinking of living if not in the northeast?

[ericasmom]

Sherry, the house to oneself is a treat to be sure. Since my husband is not working these days, he is home each day and while I love his company, however I am never alone here. So on the occassion that he is gone for a day, I feel quite happy to be all alone in my house. I know that he understands this, bless his heart. Super tha tyou got a lot done. Are you hanging new curtains? Did you make them? I flunked sewing...I am horrid at it. I walked this morning and thought of you...the birds were tweeting away in the 10 degree temps, I think happy for the sun shining after so many sunless days. I was so cheered by their music.

Terri, did I tell you how pretty you look on the bike you purchased? YOu do.

Lorri, what a car you have there. SO you got snowed in too hu? Well then I am extra grateful that you have your laptop back. Good to see you.

[mikesmomrs]

Karen: I do love the picture of Shawn in the avatar...very handsome. I am sorry you've been having a bad day...the noise in the house would be scary for me, too, if we had a lot of snow still on the roof, but as I said, we did get it taken down...thankfully, because it has been raining here now for a few hours and has turned into freezing rain.

Sharon: I too am glad that you found this site...sometimes, when things happen like the cakes being tipped over, and I am at my limit, I can mentally take myself to where I am writing on this site and sharing my upset, and it can calm me down somewhat to know that i am able to do that and know that everyone will understand why and how what happened was so magnified and hurtful. Those things that before we could handle and work through are now so much more upsetting and more difficult to just say "oh well."

Alison: When they came to take Mike out of our house (he spent his last couple of months of hospice care here at our house) and they were leaving, after they went out the door, I went out onto the porch to watch them go...I had to fight myself to keep from running down the steps and screaming "okay, Mike, the joke was good, but now it's over, you can come back into the house now." (Mike loved dark humor) We have moved from that house, but while we were still there, I could imagine his big teddy bear self walking through that doorway, and his "Hey" still rings in my ears even now, 3 1/2 years later.

Lorri: I love the decorations on the car, and the Haliee is great, and the "hi mom" very special...thanks for sharing.

I will be back later...hubby wants me to come watch something with him. I have something special to share.

love and peace, carol thinking of you all, as always.

[ericasmom]

I think I wrote in a hurry without proper punctuation earlier while still at school. Basically what I meant to say was that not all spouses are able to stand by thier mate when their mate has so completely changed. Many of us know that our partners, many of which are not the bio parent of the Child we lost, have had a very hard time being able to put themselves more fully into our shoes. And while this is not a surprise really, it can be a huge disappointment to the grieving parent. I don't think a person should have to defend their tears or anguish when they are grieving their Child. If someone's behavior seems dangerous or bordering on it, then a spouse may need to intervene in some way but to expect that the spouse to be the way he or she was before the death of a Child is unrealistic. It is so very important to be able to be free with your emotions in that first year especially as those emotions have no where else to go but OUT. If we disallow them, or pretend those emotions are not going to interrupt us in our lives, we are cheating ourselves out of the process of grief, and without the process, there can't be any healing.

I am going to bed and hopefully I will be less tongue(keyboard)tied tomorrow.

sleep well Everyone

[kmb22]

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[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo’s, yesterday I went shopping for a new winter coat. I have 2 others but I was looking for a replacement for the one I “fixed”. It had a detachable hood, double zipper, nice warm cuffs to keep out the cold air, water/rain repellant. Well, the zipper stuck and I fixed it by pulling out several zipper teeth in the process. So, one entire mall later and a final trip to Kohls, I found one. I don't think there are many winter coats left in the state

As some of you may remember I was not able to shop at Kohls for a long time. I have many memories of shopping with Rich there and would find myself extermley anxious and running for the door whenever I shopped there. Yesterday I tentatively took a few steps into the men's department ,but not for long. It still has the same affect.

My point being that I was also affected by a tragic accident not far from home. The young people were on my mind all day, 2 the same age as Rich. Another just a year older. I stayed to myself most of the day,my Aunt asking if I was sick. No. Just tired. I wrote to the parents of one young man. My way of helping in some small way,just maybe. The other children, not wanting to place my thoughts to their family publicly, I will contact in a different venue.

Yesterday at Macy’s I did find an item I have been shopping for since before Christmas. Yesterdays Macy’s had their “Go Red For Women is the American Heart Association's nationwide movement that celebrates the energy, passion and power of women to band together and wipe out heart disease. “. Sarah was with me and an unspoken communication took place. Rich. He is always with us. Sarah now has a little red dress pin.

So, I will share this tragic accident with you all. I really wish people would refrain from judgment in the eye of family members. But, there is our First Amendment.

I'll try to shake this mood.

http://www.nj.com/ne...er_fatal_c.html

I hope I don't upset anyone here. I just don’t know how to handle this.

[ericasmom]

Betsy, we grieve alongside them, knowing what we all know. Knowing what it takes to learn to still live with a foot in both worlds for a long while. I am sorry for the ache it causes your life.

I am happy that you found a warm coat, I buy new winter coats every 8 years or so online at LANDSEND as those are the warmest ones and usually, I purchase it in late winter when the sales are good.

I love the thought of the little red ribbon for Sarah. Beautiful. Hey, those tiny steps into the mens department at KOHLS are really not so little. Those are big steps.

Karen, I hope that the snow starts to melt a bit and that you work out the car thing. I have always lived in the midwest, and do love it, but I have no idea how one decides where to move if needing a big change. I guess I would rent my home while I checked out the warm spots maybe. My niece loves Sarasota Florida. I have always enjoyed visiting around Atlanta...so many places on a map. theraPy is tricky, I think that I was lucky in finding the right person for me early on in my parenthood, and returned to that same woman in each big trauma I had, the biggest and saddest of course in Eri's death. I interviewed several on the phone before visiting her back when I was 28 years old. I asked if she worked with kids and adults and she had extensive work in both areas. I needed to work through some of my childhood issues, so I went to her and worked through so much. WEnt back when a divorce loomed, went back when I struggled with a bad relationship, then when Erica died. And again when PTSD hit heavily.

It is snowing here again, allegedly not a big storm, but looks to be a few inches out there already.

Happy superbowl folks, be careful out there.

[Guest msnher]

Go Packers! I hope your team makes lots of homeruns, Colleen! I crack myself up.

[Guest msnher]

Sharon - The email I use on facebook is susannaht58@gmail.com . I searched for Shane Ray Taylor and didn't find him. I searched for Shane Taylor and found too many to choose from. My name is Susannah Thompson. My profile picture is a family Christmas picture with our depressed Golden Retriever. Ever time we take her picture she acts like we've just hid all her favorite toys. I've been snapping pictures of her since she was 8 weeks old, maybe all the flashes traumatized her. But, then, she hates to ride in the car, too. Weird dog. Spoiled dog. Loved dog.

GO PACKERS! I hope your team makes lots of homeruns today, Colleen! I crack myself up.

I read something about grief yesterday. I wish I would have saved it so I could give credit to the mother who wrote it. It was something about grey is the color of grief. Knife blades, jail cells, duct tape, storm clouds etc, are all grey.

Well, gotta go. I'll catch up later.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Oh. I already said Go Packers...make homeruns...I even said I crack myself up. I forgot. I'm so embarrassed. Totally ruined my funny.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Betsy I too "Fix" things in a fashion that it becomes obvious that I should purchase another. Maybe I do it on purpose. I am really happy that you found a new coat after a dedicated search. Being able to place yourself in the Men's Dept, even for a minute is a huge step . I know that I felt the same in supermarkets when I shopped and also department stores. I cannot recall when it lifted but I did notice yesterday as I passed the "Peach Snapple, Stephen's favorite that I smiled and remembered. The memory was warm and sweet and it reminded me of his beautiful smile and voice as I heard him say "Pink Snapple makes my mouth happy"

I did see the story of the 3 NJ teens whose car was found It is very sad Glad you felt the need to write and share I too loved the red ribbon for Sarah purchase.

Alison I too went thru the process of selling Stephen's house. It was painful but necessary and I slept there the whole time . It helped me feel him close. I do regret not keeping many of the items that I donated especially his Race car but at the time it felt right.

Sherry I too like my alone time . Sharing it with others become hard so I must force myself. Getting ready for church and then plan on attending a Super Bowl party this afternoon. I will see how long I last with the group.

Karen I hope the weather warms up for you I know that terrible feeling of Dread over something to do with the house.

Crystal Please take it easy todya and keep your recovery going.

Sharon I am so sorry about the SuperBowl cakes Thinking of you today.

To all you Green Bay fans May the best Team Win and I do hope you make lots of:

HOME RUNS as Sus has urged

Go Pittsburgh

Have s Blessed Day Indigos

[charsng1234]

morning everyone. I played a game with my oldest son last night I had fun than when it was over felt terrible. How could I be laughing when shane is gone? I went to bed. I woke this morning had to take a pill to calm me down. I dont know How I will make it through today. I miss shane so much. Susannah his name is shane ray from sierra vista he was born on 08/03/88 he went to buena. there will be a picture if him sitting on a couch all in black. Hope everyong has a good day.

[westleysmom]

Betsy-my friend Susan was in Kohl's shopping on new year's day when she got text msg that something was wrong. I still think she hasn't been back there yet. I still have to avoid young men's section of any store and when I'm looking for greeting cards for any guy, they usually get the first one I see, because I can't bear it when I catch a glimpse of the "Son" cards. I just come unglued. I'm glad its getting a little better for you.

Betty-Good to see you, I think we'll just watch the SB at home. Has your snow all melted?

The story of the 3 young people was very sad. my daughter just called and said her friend at work's son passed away yesterday. Not sure what happened, he was about Westley's age. She asked me for the name of the site so she could tell her friend, in case she felt like she wanted to check it out. So much sadness, the past few days I've been very sad and angry that I'm sad. The dark place is all around sometimes, and I hope to get out of it soon. I hope none of you are there, and that your team wins the big game today.

[Crystal16]

Good morning my friends,

Alison- Everyday, I pray I wake from this terrible nightmare I visualize Ashlee always standing beside me, walking through the door cracking on me. I like you and most of us here wish we had are babies back!

Sharon- I pray today is a better day for you, hugs my friend.

Are you ready for the Superb Bowl, Go Packers!!!

Susannah- I Love your commen “make some home runs” it made me laugh this morning and it was hard having a belly laugh with 10 staples still inserted.

[shorty16]

Betsy – A letter writer also – Way to pass it forward. Sometimes, I think I know too much and I have to tell those parents that this physical pain they feel will subside. Also, Glad you were able to go Kohl’s again. My thing is grocery shopping. I used to come home with new stuff for each of the kids. The American Heart Association had “Wear Red Friday.” I wore red on Friday for all those on this site that lost children to a heart ailment.

Karen – I was reading your post to Sharon and my son also encountered that statement of “Brian should not have been on the hood of the car – he deserved what he got.” Well, Aaron punched the kid in the face. He was suspended for 2 days, but they allowed the suspension to be served in school and allowed him to complete all homework during the suspension. We never punished Aaron for this, but we had the very old conversation that “People can say things to you, that does not mean you can punch them”

Like others have said, there seems to be more “acceptable” ways to die. My son died for being reckless – he had a lot of help from his 2 friends.

Sharon – Hang in there, my friend!! I have been and continue to be in your shoes. Hold your head high – We were not at fault for our child’s death – For me, that statement is a long time coming. I still have to stop myself, get a grip, and say, Colleen – stop it!! (Yes, I talk to myself, I know, I am crazy)

Shaneray17 – So sorry about those 2 cakes that flipped in the parking lot. These are very difficult days for you. We are here for you. I can remember going into Fleet Farm and buying 25lbs of bird seed. As I pulled the bird-seed bag out of the cart, it ripped – 25lbs of bird seed all over the floor at the check-out. Hope I made you smile. Was Shane a Packer fan? If so (and even if he is not), I will be thinking of you and him.

Amy – My heart is just so sad about the insensitivity of your employer. I was unable to work full days in the beginning. My company gave me a lot of room. If I may suggest, I went to the doctor and was placed on 32 hours a week. Your employer cannot fire you over this. They are required to bring you back to the same or equivalent job. The family leave act. Take care my friend. You seem like a very good employee. I hope you can come to some agreement between your personal time with your family and your work time with them. I am praying for you.

Crystal – Hold your head up high when you are at those hearings. Please look the judge in the eyes – giving a family and face to this tragedy. Nod your head to the judge indicating your want for any decision the judge has to make – it worked for me. I am so thinking about you!! I am with you when you are in that court room. I asked Brian to bring the other angels to you also. I know they will all come to you – picture that love around you!!! It is real – I have felt it. Love to you my friend.

I love all my friends here and I think I am finally at a place in my grief journey where I can help those newbies. I am so grateful that I have reached this point. I still hurt and always will,

GO Packers GO

Colleen, Brian’s Mother Forever

[Crystal16]

Colleen- The hearing is just another bail reduction in hopes Dylan can get out during the trial process. According to my ex we wont be heard or have anything to add during this meeting.

[lostwoher]

Your comment needs a 'like' button Colleen

Best of luck!

[Guest msnher]

I was shopping at Wal Mart for the kid's school supplies. I had left a message on Steph's phone to see if she wanted to come with me. When the phone rang I thought it was her. Instead it was her step mother telling me there had been an accident and I needed to get to the hospital quick. I asked who and she told me Stephanie. I debated with myself whether to pay for my goods and then go - about a 2 second debate. I handed my full cart over to an employee and left. As I drove I phoned Ruth and asked her what happened. She just said, "it's bad. Just get here." Never did it cross my mind that my daughter might be dead. Not once. I figured she was driving Old Yeller and if anything she hurt someone else, and we would get through it...or she got hurt and maybe disfigured or maybe in a coma but we would get through it.

I pulled into Valet parking and threw my keys to the security guard and ran in, ignoring everyone. I saw Ruth hugging two people in the lobby and went right past her. Another security guard stopped me and said, "Mam, you can't go back there." Ruth saw me and said "She's with me." The guard stepped back and I demanded of Ruth "where is she?" Ruth told me to go straight back to the first room. I practically ran. It was an empty room. I yelled to the nurses station..."They said my daughter is in here, but the room is empty". Ruth called for the doctor. The doctor and Ruth took me into the empty room.

I figured they were going to prepare me to see Stephanie. Okay. I can do this. The doctor looked me in the eye and said, "Mam, your daughter lost control of the ATV she was driving..." ATV? What's an ATV - four wheeler "...and crashed into a barbed wire fence..." okay, she's cut her face, we can deal with this. "...she slit her throat and bled out... " bled out? what does that mean? The doctor must have sensed my lack of understanding..."Your daughter died this morning."

I almost slugged him. "No!" I glared at him..."I want to see her right now! Do you hear me? I want to see my daughter right now!" I said pointing my finger in authority. "Okay". He said and told me what room. I found the room and opened the door. Stephanie's body laid on a gurney, her dad sobbing over her. I screamed..........

I would shop at Wal Mart several more times before it hit me........I was in the frozen food section and I froze mid step....my eyes wide with terror. I left my basket and quickly exited the store.

I try not to judge people anymore when they seem so crabby or "out of it". I try not to judge them if they cut me off in traffic. I try not to judge them if they forget what they're talking about mid sentence.

I'm the person saying Stephanie had no business on that four wheeler. She had no business being where she was with whom she was with. No business at all.

If someone told me she deserved to die I would have punched them in the face, too. I worked myself into a mad....

The judge never spoke to us/me except when I was on the witness stand and I "attacked" the defense attorney with my words....it was a harmless enough "wham". The judge said "Mrs Thompson, Ms Boster...enough. Change your line of questioning Ms Boster."

I thought I would be in trouble with my attorney, but she had to lower her head because she was laughing. When I was on the witness stand I looked each attorney that questioned me in the eye and answered simply and direct. When I was in the courtroom "audience" (I can't remember what it's called) I watched everything...especially Kevin and Tina's reaction. I literally sat on the edge of my seat trying to hear EVERYTHING being said. Mostly I wasn't allowed in the courtroom because I was a witness. I wasn't even allowed in when my grandchildren testified. My testimony was the last to be called, but I called to stay in for the ruling. I testified five days after Stephanie's memorial service. It was my proudest moment, if I say so myself. I had been waiting for that day for a full year. I was speaking for my daughter, for her children. That day I wanted no sympathy. That day my direction was clear. That day my attitude was "bring it on!"

I was all "fought out" however, by the time Tina reached a plea bargain. I was just grateful the civil trial was over and we would be spared a criminal trial. Although one of the charges against her was dropped (the second degree sexual assault charge) she was still found guilty of two counts felony child abuse. I thought her sentence was just a slap on the wrist compared to her crime, but I just had no fight left.

Well....that turned into a longer drama of words than I intended when I began to type. I just meant to say I had a breakdown in WalMart and I couldn't shop there for a while. I couldn't shop anywhere for a while.

[Guest msnher]

Crystal - I'm sorry it hurt to laugh, but I'm glad you laughed. Especially at MY funny. I am my best source of entertainment.

I wanted to share that although the early grief experience was the most painful time of my life, I found it quite interesting. I felt like I was observing myself outside of myself. I think I'll re-read "A grief observed" by CS Lewis. Someone asked about books...I read a lot but can't remember any of them. I only remember that one because my sister quotes it a lot.

[ericasmom]

GO PACKERS COLLEEN, and to all the Pittsburg fans, Go STEELERS!

Col, you help many newbies and have been for some time, but I am glad that you can feel that you are now. You do help new and old on the journey.

We just got back from a pizza luncheon for husband's nephew. He is going away to the marines drum corps. He has to do regular boot camp and then will be in the marine band. He is a very good musician adn loves band and has been in marching band for many years. Anyhow, it is snowing agian now adn i am off to a deep nap. Back at you later.

[daveydow1]

Dee-----I did get the curtain rod brackets put up (had to use the drill to put in pilot holes because the woodwork is oak....hard). I got

the curtains up.....they look nice. I didn't make them.....had them from our house that we lived in before we moved to the condo, and

liked them so much that I just kept toting them along in hopes that I could use them. They are off-white lace.....very soft...easy care.

Good luck to your husband's nephew who is going to be in the US Marine band.....good for him. Your walk this a.m. would be so

nice. Hope that you don't get a lot of snow. There's some snow here off & on.

Sharon-----I'm so sorry that you are in that dark place. You said that you felt like your son might just walk in the door at any time.

I, too, feel that it is a fantasy that we, as parents, of our beloved children may always feel this way. After my son, Dave, died, I even

had this crazy fantasy or whatever you might call it, that if I just 'pretended' that he was still with us, that he somehow would be.

I mean, I actually was trying to fool myself into thinking that the horrific road accident that killed him had never happened. I didn't

go with that very long. Part of my brain said it was foolish, and not to do it. I can so understand how you hate the weekends. Those

were probably the times when you would have the most time to spend with Shane....to talk, laugh, etc. I sure wish there was something

I could say to help. Just keep coming to BI, ......you are one of the BI family now.

Karen----Yep,....it is nice to have the house to myself sometimes. My husband is one who always likes being 'out & about', so I do

have a good bit of time to myself in the house. About the curtains.......and Brownie (cat). She is an old cat (over 14), and is quite

domesticated. She sleeps a lot. I don't think I could even consider putting up lace curtains if I had a kitten like Brownie used to be

when she was a kitten......she was a little devil then. Now, she's fat & lazy......sleeps a good bit of the time.

Betsy---- I do so understand your reluctance to go back to a Kohl's store, and that it made you nervous and anxious. But you made the

effort, and as Dee said ........it is a big step. I once went to the mall that Davey used to go to .......shortly after he died. BIG mistake for

me to do that. I felt, as you, nervous, jittery, and sad. I left without buying anything at all. Never went back to this day. We have a mall

nearer to us since we've moved here. I guess those places....stores......bring back so many memories that it can be overwhelminly

sad & stressful , and we need to just take our steps as we are able to take them. Peace to you, friend.

Betty-----Have fun at the SUPER BOWL party !!!!

PEACE TO EACH AND EVERYONE IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigo's - just a quick stop in to say hello - have read the posts and my heart is with all. The weekend has went by so quickly and back to work tomorrow but at least my mind will be busy with so much work to do....

I am hanging in there like everyone else.....I will get through Tavian's birthday (I will take pics) and then I will make it though the next 7 days.....I love you all for your strength and wisdom.

Much love to all....Kathy

My Summer Girl............................

[aim630]

Colleen-Glad your Packers won! Now maybe all the Steelers fans around here will shut up. Although I live in NE Ohio, there are a lot more Steelers fans around here than Browns fans.

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah: tears fell as I read your recount of the night you learned of Stephanie's accident and that she was gone. I can only imagine what you went through, going to the hospital, fully expecting that things would be okay, that you would get through it. I am so very sorry that you had to experience all of that. My heart goes out to you.

Crystal: I am sorry that it hurt when you laughed, also, but you laughed. And that was a gift to your sweet child. The guilt you felt is normal...expected. Felt by all here. Just know that we all here understand.

Betsy: I read the article about the three young people...I am so sorry for their parents, for all those who loved them. It is tragic. My heart holds them close.

I just heard the news....YAY GB!! Hope you all had a good time watching.

Sherry: I am glad that you got your curtains up. They sound very pretty. I used to have lace curtains in our bedroom, but this new house has the bedroom on the side of the house that faces the north wind, and I had to put something warmer up there.

When Mike came here for hospice, I wanted more than anything to make sure he was comfortable and had every little single thing that he needed or wanted. Mostly he wanted Dunkin Donuts Coolattas...Vanilla bean, to be precise. He got one, pretty nearly every day, especially those two last weeks when he was confined to bed. Most of his friends would bring one when they came to visit...sometimes I would have 2 or 3 in the fridge. Comfort was most on my mind. Once he was confined to bed, it was "an adjustable bed" (a hospital bed---they don't call them that in the house, as it connotates a serious problem...duh!). Like all hospital beds, this was an extremely uncomfortable bed, and I agonized over the fact that he had to spend his last days in one of the most uncomfortable beds ever made. One of the local furniture stores had very kindly donated a brand new temper-pedic mattress for Mike when he first came here. He comfortably slept in that one til the "adjustable bed" was a necessity...the nurse and caregivers needed easy access. Ugh! The one really good advantage of the adjustable bed was that we could wheel it right into the middle of us when we were all in the living room. So, whenever I went to the store, for whatever, I would always keep my eyes open for something that would make his life easier. (who was I kidding? My son was dying...there was no turning back...he would be gone in less time than I had spent carrying him under my heart until he was ready to be born!) But, comfort was upmost on my mind. Temper-pedic pillows, soft, smooth blankets, smooth, luxury cotton t-shirts... It was many months after Mike died before I could go into ANY store where I didn't think first "I wonder if they have something new for Mike?" Walmart was the hardest because that is where I went for his depends...thank God I am post-menopause because if I had to go back into that aisle again, I would not be able to. Never. It was a long time before I could go into Walmart for anything, but I don't ever go near that part of the store.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have felt Mike around me all weekend. Yesterday, I went out for some errands. On my way to the car, I turned around to tell Ralph something as he was coming out of the house. We have a minimum of three feet of snow in our yard, and then there are the piles where the plow has cleaned off the driveway. Something caught my eye, and I looked over at the corner of the garden in front of the house. It looked like a rock, about 2 inches across, and it looked heart-shaped, so of course, I went over to have a closer look. It wasn't as heart-shaped as I first thought, but I took one step closer and looked at it from the side. Engraved in the inside was a perfect heart. There is even a tiny heart inside the larger one. On closer inspection, I noticed it wasn't a rock at all, but a huge chunk of rock salt, that had fallen out of the bag when I had brought it out earlier to sprinkle some on the driveway. I tried to break it up, even threw it hard against the driveway, but it was solid, so I tossed it aside. Little did I know...

Thanks, Mike. I love you, too.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[daveydow1]

YIPPEE !!!!! GREEN BAY PACKERS..!!!

2011 SUPER BOWL CHAMPS.

Colleen----Glad your team won.

[daveydow1]

Carol------Yep...I'm glad that job is done. It seems like it's the old 'Murphy's Law' when I go to do

anything that involves hardware etc. But, it did go fairly smoothly.....for a change. . Do you

still have tons of snow laying around ?

[mysonrich]

Green Bay , great game!

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos'

Congratulation Green Bay fans.

It was an excellent game and Pittsburgh gave it a good effort.. I felt I was watching it with all my Indigo friends It made participating more fun. Sherry Good to see Davey this evening and to again marvel at your Home repair talents.

Carol and Sus It is so touching to read how each of you responded to the dreadful news that we have each endured. Somehow I still can not touch that rememory yet. When I hear someone recount their experience

I get a feeling and sense what I am avoiding and why. Some day I hope I can talk about my last year with Stephen. It was painful.

Csrol I forgot Happy Birthday I loved the Heart from Mike

Stay safe Indigos Colleen, Lynn, Betsy and all Green Bay Fans Great Game

[ericasmom]

WHOOOOO-HOOOO! Go Packers. I didn't know until I watched the whole game how much I wanted a midwest team to win. SO what a game. I too felt that I was watching with the Indigos Betty, knowing that many of us were watching. I thought that the first quarter was the most well played quarter I'd ever seen by a team, (Packers) but the comeback from the Steelers was pretty amazing. Good game. I am on my way to bed but was glad to see you here Betty, wishing you a good sleep and peaceful dreams.

Someone here said that (I Think it was Alison) that we count our Childs days gone as we did their lives when they were young. I wrote about that about 2 years after ERi died. That each week was counted adn then months. And then of course I would compare the feeling of having had a one month old child as opposed to a one month date in which to mourn and on and on. I did this for the first 24 months or 104 weeks. Eventually, I stopped counting in quite the same way, always nodded to the time each Tuesday that the call came, 9:20 PM, and 6 days later on Monday when at 3:00PM Michigan time, she died...I always wept hard o the 8th and 14th of the month those first two years, her dates of being struck by the train and dying from it. But as Carol, Trudi, Kathy, adn Bonnie always say, They are so much more than that day or days.

And as a native nation believes, ALL LIVING THINGS HAVE A CYCLE TO THeiR LIVES< A BEGINNING AND END< AND NO MATTER THE LENGTH WHETHER IT IS A SHORT OR A LONG LIFE< IT WAS A FULL LIFE< A FULL CIRCLE.

Carol, lovely heart made from salt, made from that which our tears are made.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET LADY. It is also my dear Son's Fiance's birthday tomorrow. A lovely day.

Shout out to Leah, Elaine, Cindy, Beth, Kaye, and so many others that are not often here but never out of my heart.

Love to all

OH, by the way, that laughter spoken about and feeling poorly for it, guilty. We have all done that, but I hope that you will allow laughter when it breaks through, it too is a piece of you that needs to come to the surface, it is not sinful but the opposite. It is freeing if for only that moment, a hint of goodness lit you up. LEt it happen.

[Guest msnher]

Love and hugs to all of you! Glad the Packers won. Sorry anyone had to lose. If it were up to me there would never be losers.

[mikesmomrs]

BETHANY...BETHANY...BETHANY...sweet and beautiful, lovely and remembered...always. Have a joyous birthday with all of our angels, and please surround your mom and dad with your sweet essence, reminding them that you are always, always with them.

Marcia and Larry: holding you close on this day...as you remember those wonderful birthdays and moments of sheer joy you shared with your beautiful daughter, Bethany.

love and peace-filled memories.

Carol mikesmomrs