Loss of an Adult Child

[mpsmom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Nick !

Dan for all that you do for us, I wish I could create something beautiful for your dear son's birthday, I can only send my hugs and prayers to you and your wife and daughter on this bittersweet day. Our children are together ...

they have found each other...as we have found each other...

HUGGGGGS !!

[lolynbo]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY NICK...NICK NICK NICK

[ericasmom]

Morning All, a lovely day to you each.I am off to school as I have a 7:30 conference before school starts. It is conference week, though with the projected storm, who knows if tomorrow's conferences will still be on. We shall see.

Peace Loves

[shorty16]

Dee – You sound so up-beat this morning – that is great! Good luck with the conferences. Chicago is suppose to be the eye of the storm. I am sending warm thoughts your way.

The snow is upon us and I must say again how well behaved Wisconsin drivers are. Granted, I was going 30 mph on the freeway, but I got to work alive.

Dan – You are so talented with the picture-posts. You son IS proud of you!!!

Kathy – I am glad you dinner party was low-key. It is nice when we have a good evening with good friends. Tavian is so cute for wanting to care for you. I bet your bond with him is beyond words.

Sonya – So nice to see Danielle’s face. I have missed her smile. How is NC doing in this weather. It seems you may get ice, which is worse than 20” of snow (I think). Keep warm my friend.

Betsy – I know you are getting hammered with this snow. Wisconsin seems to be on the edge of many of these storms, but we will not be able to avoid this one. I was in NY once and I wonder where they put all that snow? Dump it in the Hudson?

Stay warm my friends. My son, Aaron has agreed to get his hair cut tonight. It is “Mens night” at the local place and we will be going; only 1 mile from our home. His hair is out of control. Aaron has the blonde locks.

Believe it or not, our cat, Iggy loves the snow. He will go outside on a lease, we will sit at the door and watch him and he will chance some unseen force under the snow. It is too crazy. Iggy will go out in the rain, also – I love that cat!

Colleen

[Guest msnher]

Negative 20 right now...no wind. Wind chill is supposed to get to minus 35 today. No snow, either. I agree with Colleen. I'll take 20 inches of snow over ice any day. The only kind of ice we get here is from packed snow or snow that has melted during the day and then freezes at night. No chance for anything melting today.

I didn't finish my birthday wish to Nick. I meant to place the picture and then wish for blessings. But, I just hit send...I love the pictures you posted, Dan. I pray you and your wife extra blessings. You are so good to all of us, remembing our angels the way you do.

love to all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[bealison]

Anyone here agnostic? Believes their child is gone forever? I'm having a very hard time finding people with similar (non) spiritual beliefs. My only daughter died at the age of 27 almost 3 years ago....we were close like sisters (I was 19 when she was born)and got on great -- very compatible and she never gave me any trouble. And because of her (not supposed to be terminal) illness, we lived together until the day she died. The morning she was finally going to move into her own apartment and gain some independence was when I found her dead in bed. After the shock, I became emotionally numb and unable to experience joy or happiness, knowing all my best days are behind me and I'll never have grandchildren. I'm single and have no interest in any romantic relationships. My family and friends and my ex (a liberal, secular bunch) are incredibly supportive and I don't know what I'd do without them, but I yearn for an exchange with someone in a similar situation.

I make no judgments about people's beliefs and how they grieve, but for me I don't believe my baby is an angel or that I will ever see her again. Anybody relate to this?

[ericasmom]

Hi Newbie, I am sorry about your BEST FRIEND DAUGHTER's death. I lost my girl too, she was 19 when she died 7.5 years ago. I have always believed in a higher force, and a heavenly place but I have many friends and family that do not. So ˆ think that no matter which way ones' beliefs fall, we can take some joy knowing that they lived a good life here. It does not help with the missing I know, but those of us that believe we will see our Children again still miss them each day too. I am sorry that I cannot help you out to feel more connected in your thoughts, but I sure hold out my hand in union with your grief and the love you have for your Daughter.

WHoa Sus, that is cold, too damn cold.

[Guest msnher]

bealison - I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter! I would love to know more about her and you. I hope you will choose to stay and share with us regardless of what one's spiritual beliefs are or are not. My 28 year old daughter, Stephanie, was killed in an ATV accident on August 9, 2009. She left behind three young children whom my husband and I are raising.

I had very strong spiritual beliefs at the time she died, and thought walking through grief would quick and easy. I was mistaken. Every belief I held was shaken to the core. I even tried to be an athiest for a time. That was actually a healing time, as I look backwards, because they made me laugh at me. I became a huge fan of George Carlin, Julie Sweeney and others. They are hilarious and they do a good job making fun of religion, God and those that believe. I highly recommend them to people who are able to laugh at themselves.

I don't know if I would call myself agnostic, at this point, because I believe there is something bigger and brighter than us out there. And, then there are times I believe the bigger and brighter IS us. I guess I believe that most of the time. I am now open to all believes. But, the one thing I never doubted was that my daughter still lives. Perhaps as pure energy and love...but, I believe her energy did not die. Whether I call her an angel, a spirit, a burst of light, doesn't seem to matter much to me. It can be a matter of symantics.

Having said that, I also don't think you will have a difficult time fitting in here at all believing your child is gone forever. Perhaps those who believe differently reside in a fantasy land. Perhaps you do. Does it matter? The pain of losing a child, no matter what our spiritual beliefs are, is the same. We have been stripped of our very hearts and souls and expected to carry on. We have to learn to brush our teeth without them. We have to breath in and breath out each breath wishing we could just stop breathing all together.

I think there are very few of us who hold the exact same beliefs here. There are Christians, and non-Christians. There are those who believe in a God and have never lost faith in him/her but still walk through the pain. And, then there are those who believe in a God and think he/she is full of poo. And then there are those who believe in something, but not sure what.

I just don't think it matters.

What does matter here is that there is no judgment. Each of us are free to express our beliefs freely. We are free to begin conversations that are controversial. Sometimes the introduction just hangs there with no response, but that's okay too. Chances are you will find someone who believes exactly as you do. But, the most important thing you will find here are other parents who know the pain of losing a child. That pain, no matter what we believe, is the same. It sucks.

You are invited to be a part of us and share yourself openly without condemnation or someone trying to "save" your soul...or convert you to their religion. We all walk the same path, now. Our differences are set aside for that one similarity...the pain of losing our child.

I offer you the saddest of welcomes. But, I am glad you have found us. Please give us a chance before you decide we're not for you.

Hugs,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[briansdad]

Anyone here agnostic? Believes their child is gone forever? I'm having a very hard time finding people with similar (non) spiritual beliefs. My only daughter died at the age of 27 almost 3 years ago....we were close like sisters (I was 19 when she was born)and got on great -- very compatible and she never gave me any trouble. And because of her (not supposed to be terminal) illness, we lived together until the day she died. The morning she was finally going to move into her own apartment and gain some independence was when I found her dead in bed. After the shock, I became emotionally numb and unable to experience joy or happiness, knowing all my best days are behind me and I'll never have grandchildren. I'm single and have no interest in any romantic relationships. My family and friends and my ex (a liberal, secular bunch) are incredibly supportive and I don't know what I'd do without them, but I yearn for an exchange with someone in a similar situation.

I make no judgments about people's beliefs and how they grieve, but for me I don't believe my baby is an angel or that I will ever see her again. Anybody relate to this?

I'll have to say that knowing I'll see my son Brian again one day is one of the things that makes my life tolerable. He too was my best friend.

I can't imagine that our short time here on the little speck of dirt in the universe is all we get. Just my take on this subject.

Greg

Brians Dad

Happy Heavenly Birthday to Nick

[daveydow1]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY , NICK.

Send down warm smiles to your family. You are so loved

forevermore.

[bealison]

As you can tell by my "join date", I've been lurking on this site for a while. I have the utmost for people's spiritual beliefs (except for those that lead to the kind of violence that is troubling our world). And I sincerely have heartfelt appreciation for everyone's responses and welcoming, warm attitude. It does help. I can't call the anniversary of her death her "angel date" (it's the sadiversary -- April 5 will be 3 years). Since she was born when I was 19, she was here and we were together my entire adult life. I've never lived alone before. I still have her beloved pug.

For those that are interested, this is her story:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/goodbye-amelia/article680721/

[ericasmom]

Sweet Amelia, the beauty in her voice and laughter, her love of life so evident. I know how you must miss her and I am so sorry for that missing. Thank you for sharing Goodbye Amelia with us, letting us in on the piece of your life that hurts so much. Your Girl died on my Daughter's birthday, April 4. Eri was born on 4/4/84.

Hang with us Dear, let us hang with you and together we find ways to live in the love of the Kids.

[mikesmomrs]

Amelia's mom: I am like many others here...I would not be able to live my days without the belief that I will one day be re-united with my son, and that now, he is merely on the other side of this thin veil that divides us from those who have gone before. There are days when that belief is shaken to its core, but the only thing that gets my heart pumping again is climbing back aboard and realizing that this belief is as much a part of me as my breath. That being said, as Sus posted, there is no judgment here, no effort to "convert," or what ever other term might be used for trying to "change one's mind." You are welcome here for comfort, for friendship, for support, as we all share that one thing in common that I wish none of us ever had to feel the piercing pain of...the experience of seeing our child leave this earth before us, and having to learn to breathe all over again, taking one tiny step at a time. I read the article Amelia's grandfather Stephen wrote, and listened to that glistening, tinkling sound of your daughter's beautiful laugh, saw her transcending, encompassing smile, and learned of her courage, spirit and love for those lucky enough to share her world. Thank you so much for sharing your precious Amelia. Please share more of her, when you can, and if you like...we would love to get to know her more, and to be able to offer our friendship to you. I am so very glad that you have good support from family and friends.

My son, Mike, died of brain cancer, on October 14, 2006---he was 31 years old and left behind three young boys, at the time barely 10, 9 and not quite 2. His wife of just under 2 years has remained a part of our lives, thankfully, and we see the boys frequently. We have created a website for our son, and you are welcome to visit if you like. This effort was a huge contributor to my being able to get through those first days, months of trying to live life without my son's physical presence. The address is:

http://James-Michael.virtual-memorials.com

wishing you love and peace,

carol mikesmomrs</B>

[mikesmomrs]

Dee: how is it going there with the weather...has it been snowing all day? It has snowed here since about 6:30 am, and is just now tapering off, supposed to start "the big one" around 8 am in the morning. We had to get our roof shoveled off yesterday in preparation...we paid $75 for our snow plow guy to do it for us, and that was a bargain...it took him almost 4 hours and it was FREEZING cold while he was up there! Bless him! How is everyone else out there with this weather? Take care, and be careful if you have to go out1

love and peace, Carol mikesmomrs

[westleysmom]

Alison-My sincerest sympathy to you in the loss of Amelia. She sounds like a beautiful person and I'm so sorry for your loss. I read the article, which is heartbreaking, even for us here whose hearts are shattered already. My 20 year old son Westley died in his sleep last January 13. I can hardly believe its been a year. I didn't think I'd outlive my son at all, much less a whole year. I thought it would kill me if one of my children died, I also have a daughter who is 26.

As far as belief, and faith, and afterlife: I struggle with that every day. I have always believed that our souls live on, its how I was raised. I struggle more with why this happened at all, to your child and mine, and all of us here. It does however give me comfort to think that I will see him again when I die. It is cold comfort for now, though, because I want him here with me now, and forever. I think everyone here has a different belief system, and that is alright by me. Even wildly different beliefs are welcomed here, where we all struggle with the why of it all. I know that the friends I've made on this site have helped me through the hardest days of my life so far, and I hope that they will help you too. We all help each other, as you have seen if you've been lurking long. Sometimes you're in the dark place, and sometimes you're in the light. I hope that you find more light than dark, and I think you'll find help here. Peace and hugs to you

[ericasmom]

Hi All,

yes Carol, it has been snowing since about 2:00 PM and the wind kicked in extra powerfully at around 2:45 so that the kids could see the swirling eddies of snow flying from the roof outside our windows. Pretty awesome. Some kids were afraid because our principal made it sound alarming, saying that she wanted everyone to get home immediately at the bell, that the weather was terrible and dangerous.

CRAP i thought, why would you say that? Little ones down the hall in 1st grade were scared and even some of my third graders were. Sadly,instead fo being excited and part of something big, the kids were prepared to be worried. It is not to be feared really, but respected adn enjoyed. If this indeed the storm of the century, well let's watch it and marvel at its strength adn beauty. Why in heaven's name would we use it to scare people?

Anyway, I have been predicting that it will not snow as much as they thought here, but instead gather strength for you easterners, which I just heard the storm, while dropping about an inch per hour, is passing through our area much faster than predicted so it will be out of here sooner dropping less snow than anticipated. DAMN and they already closed the school system for tomorrow, an unprecedented closing. I hear however, that 26 inches are expected in Boston from this storm, so hang on Karen, Carol, Kathy, Bonnie are you getting it too? Hang on, and to our old friend Mary Anne, hang on. I was going to go out for a waLk this evening, wanted to and came up here to change clothes but the wind is a mighty force and tree branches are breaking under its power so I will wait until tomorrow when the winds have dropped some.

Kathy Wiedow's funeral was today, many teachers went and we had many substitutes in the building. I did not go, knowing that others in the building needed to go and we did not have enough subs for everyone. Those that went said it was nicely done and not a dry eye. Many kids that we have taught over the years were there. A testament to her strength and joy in their lives.

[daveydow1]

Amelias Mom...... I am so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Amelia. I was only able to get a portion of the

story/video due to complications with the signal of my sattelite provider for internet. However, I was able to see

your beautiful daughter and to learn about her dialysis. Let me say, that I agree with what others have said here,

that this site is not about trying to 'convert' or change anyone's views or beliefs. We welcome you, and hope

that you will come back to BI.

Dee-----YIKES !! Chicago is getting hit with storms. How are you faring there ? Also, how about you.....Colleen,

Leah,.... Lorri ??? We, here in OHIO, usually get some of what moves through Chicago, so we're bracing ourselves.

We have some snow.....not a lot as of now, but schools and gov't offices have been closed due to an overnight

ice storm.....roads very dangerous.

Colleen-----I'm rooting for your Greenbay Packers in the Super Bowl .

PEACE & COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Amelia's mom - I welcome you to the place where no one wants to be - EVER - but I have found it to be my life line many times. As others have said we are not here to convert or change anyone...we are here because we have lost suffered the worst loss a parent can, a child. I am so very sorry for your loss of your only daughter.....her smile and that voice made me smile. I lost my only daughter Jessica on Feb 18, 2006 from ARVD - sudden heart failure and my life has changed forever. I believe in God, I believe in Heaven and I believe that my Jessica spreads her Angel Wings every day and soars among the sunshine and the stars......this DOES NOT mean that you or anyone else has to believe, I judge not. I hope you continue to stay with of us.

I am having a very rough time, the saddness has overtaken my every waking moment - Tonight I was looking at pics of Jessica and it was all I could do to keep breathing. I sit here now and look across the livingroom at Tavian.....he is sitting on the small couch making things with his bendaroos and he looks so happy....I am so blessed to have him and you are right.....there are no words to describe how he makes me feel, the pride, the overwhelming love, the joy of seeing my daughter in his eyes.......he is so much like her yet he is Tavian. I cannot talk anymore, I am weary and I need to sleep........As Greg says......"wake me when (September) February is over"

Love, Peace and Strength, Kathy

[aim630]

Alison-I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter Amelia. I read the story & I'm so sorry things did not turn out as you hoped. I lost my 23 yr old daughter Ashley almost exactly a year ago (2-9-10). She had been in intensive care with pneumonia and mono about a month after she had H1N1. She was in a medically induced coma for 2 months, her lung collapsed on December 9, 2009, and they did not know if she would make it through the night. She did, although the strong antibiotics damaged her kidneys, so she was on dialysis the next month and a half. Her kidneys eventually started working on their own again (we were so happy when they told us she didn't need dialysis anymore). She was starting physical therapy & they had just begun to wean her off the ventilator, when suddenly her heart rate increased dramatically then stopped. They think it was a blood clot that traveled to her heart.

I was raised as a Catholic, and had absolutely no problems believing in heaven & God when my grandparents & dad died. But when Ashley died just when we all thought she had made a miraculous recovery, that shook me. There are days I'm not sure what to believe, and I feel a lot of anger and don't understand why. In the end though, it brings me comfort to think that her spirit is somewhere. I can't bear to think her life just ended that day, but I really don't know & guess I won't until it is my time. Although, like the others have said, we may not all have the same beliefs, we can all help to support you, because we do understand your pain. I can't imagine getting through this without the support I've found here. I hope you continue to share Amelia's story and life with us.

We are getting a lot of ice here. Someone at work asked our boss what would happen if they told us not to travel tomorrow unless it was an emergency, and our boss said she would come get her. (they only live 10 minutes from work, I live 30). My husband dropped me off on his way to work, I suppose he'll have to do that tomorrow too.

My MIL is having a lot of problems with my brother-in-law. He is 35, and has hardly worked in his life. He still (and has always) lived at home with them & is an alcoholic. He got drunk Saturday night & tore up their house. He is also bipolar & is not taking his medication. He has virtually been holding them hostage (he listens in on the phone & damages the house if he doesn't like what they say). The police cannot do anything unless he hurts one of them. She can have him evicted, but that takes 30 days & who knows what he'll do then. We just don't know what to do.

Colleen-I'll be rooting for the Packers too on Sunday!

Goodnight,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Guest msnher]

Amy - Keeping your inlaws in my prayers. And, you for safe travels. Amanda (oldest daughter in New Hampshire) said it is colder than she's ever been and she lived in Minot North Dakota for a year. Yikes. Stay warm and safe, Friends.

Alison - What a courageous story of your Amelia's character and the relationship and love with her grandfather. His words broke my heart and lifted my spirits. His account of your reaction to your sweet daughter's death brought tears to my eyes and an ache in my gut. Been there, done that. You have been "lurking" in the shadows for some time at BI which means, if you've been reading during that time, you are already pretty much aware of each of us and where our beliefs lie. Except for mine because they change quite often... By the way, I LOVE Amelia's hair!

Kathy - Hugs to you as you grow closer to the five year mark. I'm so sorry.

So. I told Colleen my "problem" this morning, and she said I should run it by you to see if any of you could offer a solution. I no longer need a solution, but here is what happened....I cooked my grandkid's oatmeal in my 3 qt pot. Instead of grabbing the correct lid to the pan, I grabbed the lid for my 2 qt pot. It covered the hot oatmeal adequately enough. It would do while I dried Jasmine's hair. And, it did. It was stuck tight. Much to the delight of the children, a comedy act followed as I did everything within my power to remove the lid, save breaking it. Giving up, I made another pot of oatmeal. Throughout the day I tried different techniques to remove the lid. I pried. I pounded. I used heat. I used cold. Nothing. Finally, just before dinner, I decided to take a hammer and break the lid. Oh, I forgot to tell you all that the lid is glass, with a metal rim. I protect myself from any breakage. I lift my hammer and slam it down as hard as I could on the glass and the lid flew, bounced on the counter and landed in the sink, intact. No damage, not even a scratch, to pan or lid. I threw the oartmeal away. Note to self: don't use a lid that is smaller than the pan again.

Night all.

[bealison]

thank you all for your insights, thoughts, and sympathies....we may not share spiritual beliefs, it is true, but we do share a terrible loss. All we ever wanted for our babies was health and happiness. There is a saying that a parent is only as happy as their unhappiest child. Despite all the medical indignities, pain and loss of "friends" who could not cope with illness, Amelia remained a positive and spirited individual.

But, as a friend of mine said at her memorial "and, yet, Robert Mugabwe is still walking around." As I move towards my fifties I see more early death, and it is always the good folk. The bitter miserable people just seem to go on and on. I just found that in perusing the internet it was very hard to find a bereavement group that didn't include a religious aspect ("angel date"). Even my attempts at peer bereavement counseling left me consoling my Christian counselor over her own loss of her "angel". Amelia and I (and the rest of the fam) shared a very dry sense of humour. She would have laughed her arse (pardon my french) off at the idea of being an an angel. And then asked if it came with a benefits plan and company car (a joke -- the only way we could cope with stress or show affection was with our own brand of offbeat humour). She even had a joke about the kids she would adopt (I desperately wanted grandchildren while I was young enough to enjoy them), since her illness seemed to mean she wouldn't have children: she'd decided on naming one Achmed, a little Muslim boy and MingLing a little Chinese girl. This came as news to her ever-patient, couldn't ask for a better potential son-in-law boyfriend of five years who patiently sat beside her in the hospital as she ballooned by 50 pounds and suffered severe mood swings.

So, what we do share, my fellow bereft parents, is that none of us would want to be here. Or ever expected to. Yearn. That would be the word that describes my overall status and I'm sure one most of you relate to. Or "just five more minutes with her .... pleaaasssseeee". Or "this isn't how it was supposed to be". Or "what's it like to be a 'normal?"

I have spoken with understanding and non-zealous spiritual advisors of all faiths, I enjoy church services, I actually envy and respect for those who have rock solid faith. But it is not without consideration that I believe when you're gone, you are gone. If I thought differently I would have gone off the bridge a long time just so I could hold her hand again (I have no other children nor a partner...she was, within the proper boundaries, my Significant Other).

"Health and Happiness" -- the phrase, like "how are you" in it's meaninglessness in the world of "normals" it becomes such a loaded expression under these circumstances.

There is an Oscar Wilde quote about the potency of cheap music....this is the song that stays with me:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6XZsau7CSk

[ericasmom]

Going to bed with the wind howling and thunder and lightening, wow! It is truly a blizzard with winds up to 60mph.

I am sleepy. Sleep and dream well Folks.

Peace out,

[ericasmom]

I love Death Cab for Cutie Alison, that is a great song. I have a cd of theirs...good stuff.

Sherry, the snow is swirling and drifting like crazy, it is a wild night but it may have reached you too.

[mikesmum]

Dan and Mary - Thinking of you today as another milestone is upon you. The balloons, the pictures, the cemetry decorations just amazing. But then Nick was/is obviously and amazing (stunningly handsome) young man.

Happy Birthday Nick.

The band is amazing from what I gather and the guests are a select group...Just brush by your folks and let them feel your energy today of all days..

So many posts hard to catch up.

Dee & Colleen - your weather is making news here. SNOWPOCALYPSE 2011 is even on Google Earth.. Stay safe my friends..

Alison - My sympathies on the loss of your daughter Amelia. Its so hard when they have over come so much. This is so wrong, words I know only too well. As for the 'is this all there is'. Well I have to believe, like Greg, that there is more to my son Micheals existence than just this earth bound life. I believe in my heart that I will be with Mike, my parents, grandparents on some level. Don't have the answers, just a feeling that's the way its going to be.

Kathy - Thoughts of you and your beautiful Jess these next days. I know how your heart aches for her, but I believe she is watching over you and Tavian knowing her boy is in good hands.

For the past 2 days in blistering heat (you guys might not believe it but its HOT DAMN HOT here), we have been helping Mal's eldest and partner move into their new home. Its been a long and arduos process. I have been priding myself on having my 'emotions' in check believing there were no triggers to be found in this labour of love.

Wrong. As James backed his trailer in I noticed he still had my personal plates on it. MYK 75. Ah well, tears dust and a small 'bump'. I think he thought he had run something over....poor boy. Mal explained that simple things can bring me down. He gets it abit. His GF lost her closest cousin 2yrs ago in a road accident and he says the change in her is irradic and hard to navigate...now he gets what his dad's life has been like...

I hope Punxsutawney Phil didn't see his shadow this Groundhog day....I'm guessing its enough with the snow already.....

[mysonrich]

Alison, as I read of Amelia's life and death my emotions were all over the place. I'm so sorry. The frantic search for Judith in the market felt as if I were there running right along side “grandfather”. A beautiful,courageous young woman. She certainly lived well. I believe in God though my faith has been tested and at times ,wanes. Now, I wonder where Rich is. Without the mumbo-jumbo I feel that his soul, as energy,will never die. But where is his energy and why to I feel him at times? Maybe a little far fetched but I found this article interesting. It may be the veil that Dee speaks of. This just another thought,thoughts. Rich died in his sleep on January 18,2009. He was 20 years young and his cause of death ,cardiac dysrhythmia. He was a beautiful soul, compassionate and loving. I don't believe he is just gone. Welcome to BI and I am so sorry you are here.

http://www.npr.org/t...d=4930933&ps=rs

A day at home today. The roads are very dangerous. The back step is very dangerous. A layer of ice on top of the snow. While beautiful, good to gaze upon while looking up from a good book.Colleen, I live in NJ approximately 1.5 hours from NYC and like NY, we are running out of places to dump the snow.

I found a couple of pictures. Carol, one is just for you.

[mysonrich]

Betty, I found your squirrel !

[Guest msnher]

Good morning, Indigo's. It's a chilly negative 27 right now. No more snow, yet.

Mariah was able to attend her first "support" group for children yesterday. At school with the social worker who phoned me and said their dad had no business in their lives and continued to say the kids are screaming out for someone to stand up to him, even though they love him. Mariah told me she "loves Mrs Roy most of all!" She loves the group, too.

I love referring to our children as angels. I love the word, "angelversary". I know they aren't real angels. They are spirits. I've seen real angels. I've seen a few of our children. I've seen the heavenly realm. But, all of that is subject to interpretation and can be labeled wishful thinking or hallucinations or imagination. But, what is not imagination is the fact that a wild bird landed on my shoulder...around midnight...a few days after my daughter died.

I thought it was the day she died, but Jennifer said she was there when it happened and she didn't get here until Tuesday (or Wednesday). And it landed on the same shoulder as the hand that held the burning cigarette. And, it had to fly under the patio roof and in between my high back lawn chair and my neck to get to that shoulder. That happened. Freaked me out and I'm sure I traumatized the bird.

Then we had the incident with the hummingbird and later two owls and then the picture that then 6yr old Jasmine drew.

Stephanie had told us she would send birds if she ever died.

I will try to remember not to call Amelia an angel, Alison, because I do not want to offend you. What a gift her story is. And the love her grandfather has for her...the love all of you have for each other. That is the best interpretation of pure religion I've ever seen. How ironic that I would learn the true meaning of love, once more, from someone who does not believe in anything after this life. Thank you for that lesson.

I hope you will post a picture of Amelia. She truly was beautiful.

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos,

I have a story for you.

My husband lost his phone yesterday - could not find it. After the snow started falling, Scott was snowblowing our back porch and something came out the business-end of the snowblower - It was Scotts phone.

The screen is cracked - he cannot see anything, but the phone still works!!! He can receive calls and make calls using his voice command.

Do you know why this is funny??? Scott and I purchased insurance for the kids phones - not ours.

This is too funny, because no-one was hurt. But a phone surviving the business end of a snowblower is pretty amazing.

Brian is laughing in heaven right now.

Colleen

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Betsy Love, Love that squirrel Thanks I saw my little one yesterday and she is not doing well however she did eat and I was happy.

Welcome Alison

Dee and Colleen Cathy and Trudi I do hope you guys are bundled up and staying indoors.

I am just able to pop in an say Hi and tell all my Indigo family how much I appreciate each of you .

The understanding, compassion, acceptance, lack of judgement and friendship that has been extended to me and that I see extended to each member is such a special gift

I have never found such love and support (even in family) as I have found here. Each Indigo is treasured and supported and no belief or lack of belief is laughed at or shamed. What a treasure you all are

Thank you for being a huge part of my life.

[Guest msnher]

Betsy - What a squirrel! Is that you in the picture?

Colleen - Glad Scott wasn't hurt by the flying phone!

Betty - I love your heart!

Got the kids off to school. I was worried that my van wouldn't start, but it did on the second try. Grateful for a good battery. It is dangerously cold. My first intake of cold air shocked my lungs. I coated them with nicotine to protect them from the cold. LOL I like Senator Boehner's response about smoking. "Leave me alone" LOL

Peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mysonrich]

Susannah, that is me if today's date is 02/02/1985. ha ha photos sent in to a local newspaper. I have no clue who they are.

[ericasmom]

I can finally hook up with you all, we were without cable and internet until now so I am most happy to be stowed away at home now with all of you. I just came in from a mile walk that took 45 minutes rather than 15. It is deep snow aNd hard to maneuver, but beautiful and crippling all at once. I really do not know how all of you have dealt with three of these storms already this year. THe sun is actually shining and the snow has stopped though due to the wind, blizzard warnings are continuing until 3:00 this afternoon. Unfortuantely, the temps are going to plummet, right now they are great, 22 degrees, perfect winter temps. Tonight it should drop to 3 degrees and the high tomorrow will be 9. Oh well, so much for playing in the snow with my students. I hope that they all get to get in the snow today to not only witness but take part in it. John the garden gnome is out there snow blowing, for about an hour and a half now. My Son was doing the same at his home a few blocks away. The birds are out singing in the sun, letting each other know that they made it through the storm, kind of like us, calling out from our branches and our nests saying, HEY I AM OK< HOW ARE YOU?

So good to hear from you Betty. Are you in NYC with sister or on the outskirts? Either way, be careful as I hear that you guys are being pummeled now.

Betsy, great squirrel, love it.

Trudi, those plates would definitely stop me in my t racks as well. I am glad however, that your step-son gets it sort of. Sad that it takes a loss for others to understand ours, but sometimes that is the way it is.

Well I am going to try to reschedule some conferences that were supposed to take place today...talk with you all later.

[daveydow1]

Hello All Indigos------I'm able to get back on the internet....(was off for awhile, due to poor sattelite signal)

Kathy-----I'm sorry that you are feeling down and sad. As you say, Tav is a great help and motivator in your sorrow

for the loss of sweet Jessica. The innocence of children is very inspiring. When I feel down, I try to think of my

grandie......Davey's namesake......Trenton David (age 4). He lives an hour away , but he loves to talk on the phone.

Give Tavian a nice hug......your sweet Jessica's child.

Amy----I liked the line you said----"her spirit is somewhere". I agree, and find the thought comforting. May

Ashley's sweet smile warm your heart.

Dee-----YIKES. We are getting it now---full force. We have 2 inches of ice on our lane & parking area behind the

house. Last night, I could hear limbs cracking and falling from trees. Luckily no extra large ones fell. Denny fed

the birds extra food today.....even had a couple of crows visit the stump where he put black oil sunflower seeds.

We get a good view of all the many birds at the feeders. That hawk has not been lurking around lately. As I

looked out the window a few minutes ago, the wind was howling and blowing snow like a blizzard across the

fields. Your walk must have been invigorating and nice. Was to meet my sisters for lunch today........(one has a birthday today.)

......but, of course we cancelled. I listen to WGN Chicago on radio at night, and heard about your wild blizzard conditions, and

that the police were considering closing Lake Shore Dr. due to the wind whipping up huge waves on Lake Mich.

Back roads are dangerous and nearly impassible, so it's staying home for us.....chili for supper.

Susannah-----Your story about the oatmeal and the stuck pan lid is so funny. It's good that you were able to dislodge

the lid without it breaking......you and your hammer !!!! That reminds me of my mom, who was always one to take things

into her own hands. She was always remodeling furniture when us kids were growing up. She sawed the legs off a

buffet, in order to make it lower, and serve as a sort of bureau for clothing. Another time she sawed the footboard off a

metal bed in order to make it look more 'modern'. Your story of the bird landing on your shoulder after Stephanie died

is so very inspiring. If something on the order of that happens to me......I choose to believe that it is a message from

my son, Davey. Believing is what helps us along on this lousy road we're on, and I guess we need all the help we can get.

Betsy-----Glad to hear that you are staying home in this awful weather, and as you say---the roads are dangerous. My, what

a great squirrel snow animal . Who built him? Also, can you imagine the size of the walnuts for one his size??? About

softball size, I would guess. . Stay warm.

Colleen----Wow. What a story about Scott's cell phone going through the snowblower.....that's amazing it still works. (I'm still

rooting for GB in the Super Bowl ) .

Betty----So good to see you here at BI. Take care, and stay warm too.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOES.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Crystal16]

Hello all,

Typing from my hospital bed this afternoon all went well. Fingers crossed, I pray I'm discharged tomorrow in the comforts of my home.

You all stay warm it's one long snowy winter...

[ericasmom]

Sherry Lake shore drive was supposed to close last night but so many folks let their employees go home early that the whole drive became too crowded adn then an accident shut it down and folks had to be rescued from their cars after 4 hours of sitting....they should have shut it down at 2:00 in the afternoon. OH well, live and learn.

The birds are active, probably know tat the cold is coming, icy cold.

[ericasmom]

OH Crystal, I guess that I athought your surgery was next week. Blessings Sweetie, feel better and don't push it, if they want you another day, stay. Prayers all around.

dee

[ericasmom]

Okay, well the ground hog did not see his shadow, how the heck could he? But it is doubtful that we will have an early spring...As I tell the kids, Spring is March 21st either way with plenty of winter weather to follow that date usually. Today marks the third biggest snowstorm in Chicagoland. We collected 20.9 inches of snow in this storm. Pretty strong stuff.

Trudi and Michelle, I just read that a typhoon a huge one, hit the northeast piece of your country. Are your family members in that region? Be safe.

[hotrod]

Dear Crystal

Glad to hear from you Prayers and positive energy are being sent your way

[mikesmomrs]

Crystal: I too thought your surgery was next week. Take care, and do take it easy...one of the most important things to ensure a good outcome. Holding you close in prayers for a speedy recovery. Thanks for letting us know that you are okay...sending smiles.

Dee: Well, I guess the old "Be careful what you wish for" adage sure applies here...if I remember right, it was just a few days ago that you were saying that you needed some snow in your area...guess someone must have heard you! Hope the kids all have fun this weekend Oh, and yes, you are right in saying that March 21st definitely does not automatically bring in the spring weather....However, no matter what the weather is at the time, all players are scheduled to show up for SPRING TRAINING in just 23 days!

Sus: Glad your van started. Wow, if it was that cold here, they would cancel school!

Colleen: That is just unreal about Scott's cell phone still working! Glad it didn't make a u-turn into Scott!!! Ralph dropped his BRAND NEW $500 eyeglasses in the snow, when he first got them a couple of years ago. Of course, we didn't know that he had dropped them in the snow, until a couple of months later, when the snow (we had HUGE amounts that year) began melting and there they were, in their case, sticking up out of the snowbank in front of where we park our car...unscathed! Crazy! However, better than the glasses story, a few weeks ago when we went to a retirement party for a guy I used to work with...it was held at a nature center, and they have "environmentally friendly" bathrooms...i.e., upscale porta-potties. yes, you guessed it...he dropped his Android that he got for his birthday, along with his wallet (he keeps the phone in one of those "wallet/cell phone" carriers) 15 feet down into the porta potty. He was sorely embarrassed, but had to ask for help, because he of course couldn't reach it. Oddly enough, it was pretty clean (I don't think ANYONE uses the sit down in that men's room...) and also dry (they do have a stand-up in there and apparently that's all that gets used). The wallet/cell phone carrier got thrown away, of course, but he was very lucky with the cell...it didn't even get wet! (It took us almost two hours to contrive a way to get it out of there!) He has finally gotten to the point where he can laugh about it.

Trudi and Michelle: I too hope you are safe and all those in your family...they showed pics on our news of the wind blowing stuff down the streets...scary bears! Trudi: the plates...would bring me down, too...sending comfort to you, my dear.

Betty: Sorry to hear that your little squirrel doesn't look well, but perhaps the coldness of the weather is affecting its behavior...at least she is eating...that's a good sign! We here are thankful for you, also, Betty.

Betsy: Loved your punch buggy...and the sign for Florida, too...my sister is enjoying 70-75 degrees all this week down there.

Alison: Thinking of you...hoping you are doing okay.

Marcia, and Lynn...thinking of you both, as the days move closer for your Bethany and Kayla's birthdays, and also you Amy, your precious Ashley's angelversary. Sending comfort and wishes for only sweet memories to find their way to your heart on these days.

Well, we got a total of about 12-13 inches of snow, over the two days of storms...not as bad as they had predicted, but still we are pretty much buried. You can't see any of the bushes or any of the Japanese maple that I have planted in front of the house...all are completely buried. And now it is cold, cold, cold. Not as cold as out your way, Susannah, but cold for us... When I went out to move the van so our plow guy could clear out the driveway, while I was sitting in the van in the street waiting to pull back in, I noticed that the defroster had made a perfect heart-shaped clearing on the window...sweet.

take care all, and have a peaceful, warm evening.

carol mikesmomrs

[kmb22]

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[ericasmom]

all players are scheduled to show up for SPRING TRAINING in just 23 days!

Gotta love your love for the game Carol. How nice to have that to look forward to. We sure did get scoked Carol, and we received a call telling us that school is canceled again tomorrow which is crazy. We never take snow days and now we are taking two. Well we do have many teachers that live in Chicago adn as of right now, there are still over 200 cars snowed in on one of our major roadways, Lake Shore Drive. They have been towing them all day but they have to dig them out first. Wow.

I agree, the dates coming are tough ones to be sure.

I received a call today from a woman that I love that I used to work with but now lives where Lynn lives in Illinois. SHe said that a young man and his girl were killed almost two weeks ago in a car accident from that town. She asked about the website so that she could pass the site on to the mom of this young man. I also told her to give the Mom my email at home in case she wanted it and my phone #. Lynn, this young man was a senior in high school, had a scholarship for Illinois State in the fall. You may have heard about it. If this Momma comes to us, I am sure that she will feel welcomed, as we have all felt. I sure wish nobody needed us though.

[mikesmomrs]

Dee: Wow, that's just unreal about those cars still being stranded...I am glad I was not in one of them! So sorry to hear about the accident near where Lynn lives...yes, another parent to join this journey...so very sad.

I found this cute little video while perusing some videos...I hope it uploads okay. It was taken on Mike's last birthday...(that is his very much tattooed arm in the foreground...it is a tattoo of the Buddhist who set himself on fire during the the Vietnam protests...Mike had "freedom is not free" written across the bottom...) The video is of Damon, imitating that he is playing the organ...our organ has a "demo" and he found it and just thought it was great! He was 20 months old...

Just click on the picture and then you have to be a little patient for it to load and be sure to turn up your speakers...

[kmb22]

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[aim630]

I know I am really tired of winter. We had ice last night, now more snow, but nothing like the snow some of you are getting. Also, it is cold, but not 27 below! I can't even imagine it being that cold!

I think unconsciously Katie is upset about next week. Monday she told me she needed a mental health day from school (she is a senior and has not missed 1 day all year, in fact the only days she's missed in high school were last year after Ashley died). She begged me to stay home with her, but I couldn't just call off sick from work because I had to help finish someone's payroll. I told her I would schedule President's day off so I could stay home with her then, but she screamed at me how my work was more important than anything & it's been like that her whole life. I felt guilty, but it's not like if I miss a day, someone else will just do my work. We are all overworked & I can't really take a day off when we have a payroll due. Then today (snow day for her), as my husband & I were getting ready to leave for work, she started sobbing not to leave her (she is almost 18), and that we were risking our lives. Our street was pretty icy, but once we turned onto a main street, it was just wet, not bad at all. It was actually worse yesterday & tonight. We told her we would come back if it was bad, and then called her to tell her the roads were fine, but she sobbed & sobbed,and she would not listen. I'm sure what was going through her head was that if we got into a bad accident, and something happened to us, she would be all alone. She seems fine now, but I wonder if all this separation anxiety is due to her worrying about next week. She is 6 years younger than Ashley, so when she was about 6 or 7, we would leave her with Ashley to go shopping or to a movie. She never wanted me to leave, and would hang onto my legs & scream, and Ashley would be pulling her back into the house. Today kind of reminded me of that.

I'm not sure I understand the whole thing with my brother in law, but apparently since he lives in the house and technically is not doing anything wrong, the police said they can't do anything. They said unless he physically hurts someone, he can't be removed. I read about Ohio law & spoke to someone else who had the same problem & they said in Ohio if an adult child has been living with their parents, he is considered a tenant, and the only way to remove him is to get an eviction notice through the court. It seems ridiculous to me, it is their house & if they choose to make him leave, he should have to leave. Jeff will probably have to go over there, because his mom will not discuss the subject on the house phone & does not have a cell phone. She is like a prisoner in her own house. I never understood why they didn't crack down on him about 10 years ago. Jeff's mom is 70 & his stepdad is 80, so if he does choose to physically harm them, they wouldn't be able to fight back. I told Jeff he needs to take his mom to see a lawyer, and find out exactly what their rights are. What a mess!

Well, did not get much sleep last night, with the tree branches breaking and wind blowing(none hit the house, luckily). I hope all you stay safe & warm. Hopefully by April, we'll see some sign of spring! Trudi-we are jealous of you!Carol-we too are counting the days till spring training, and yesterday it was exactly 2 months till opening day! We'll probably be freezing our butts off though the way this winter has been! Hopefully it doesn't get snowed out like it did a couple of years ago.

Goodnight, and stay safe,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[charsng1234]

My son shane was a funny young man that loved to make sure his friends were always happy. He had beautiful hazel eyes brown hair. He was going to be a father in about 6 months. His first. He had a tatoo put on his chest that said sharon.. I asked him why he just didnt put mom, he said he wanted people to know me by name. I loved his smile, he was so full of life . I miss him so much I still feel like this is a dream. I live ina area were there are no places I can go to and have people help me deal with this. I know I am not alone I just feel it now. I am so mad that I never will get to find out the father my son would have become. I miss him so much gets harder everyday. He loved to sleep and hang out with his friends.

[hotrod]

Dear SharonI am so glad you have posted on this Board. Shane is certainly a handsome young man and I am glad you shared his picture. I am so very sorry for your pain and sadness and for the terible events that led up to his loss.I know what a painful time this is so please stay close to us read and share as often as you like. You are not alone

Carol I love, love, love Damon's video I am sure he is going to be an entertainer. He certainly entertains me

Karen Thanks fo the animal video I love the pictures of the sweet animals and the sounds did make me smile

[ericasmom]

Dear Shane's Mom,

I am so very sorry that you have found yourself in this place... so many broken pieces of your heart and everyone here gets that. Tell us more about your Gorgeous Boy Shane. He looks so handsome sitting there. Is the person that did this to him in jail? This happened just weeks ago and here you are looking for ways to be connected. I am sure that Shane would be proud of his Mom to be searching for ways to live. In the beginning it is hard to think of living one week without our child, and then all of a sudden it is two weeks later. Time became quite a mystery for me when my Daughter, Erica was killed. Her car was struck by a fast moving train at a broken crossing in Michigan 7.5 years ago. All that I can offer you right now Dear, is this place for you to lay down your grief with us so that you can see that we can walk along side you as you find your way. There are no magical ways to get through this journey, it is ongoing and it is some days very twisted and later on, begins to have smoother sections. Everyone here is on the same kind of journey, just scattered along the time line. Sherry and I are here the longest. our losses being very near to each other in the summer of 2003. You tell us what you want when you want, and never worry about knowing who is who here, it will eventually filter into your memory but there is no need for you to know who I am in relation to my loss. As you read the many daily posts, you will over time, know who is who more easily.

Remember that there is no wrong way to grieve, except if you harm yourself, that we don't want, but we sure understand how one may think of it. Be kind to yourself, drink plenty of water and juice as the tears we shed especially early on, can dehydrate you. Try to make sure that you are eating at least small portions a few times per day. If you are able to sleep, do so to help prevent your immune system from getting more overtaxed. I wish you a lovely dream of your Son. We are here anytime you need or want to be.

[ericasmom]

Carol, I agree 100% with Betty, that Damon is a funny little human. Thanks for sharing.

Karen, those animals were great, the voices really captured the personalities of the animals. Thanks so much.

[Guest msnher]

Sharon - I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Shane. A tragic loss for sure. I'm so, so sorry. You have come to the right place. Hold on tight to us. Tell us about your boy, when you are able. At two and a half weeks you are quite raw and numb. It's hard to believe you are numb when everything hurts so badly, but as the numbness wears off it becomes more difficult, for a time. This is the place to yell, scream, plead and just get it all out...over and over again. There is no judgment.

Carol - 20 months? I thought Damon looked like a four year old the way he was dancing his body on that piano bench. So cute.

Karen - I added the animal video to my favorites. I'm going to share it with the kids. So funny! "Ellen. Ellen. Ellen." LOL

8 degrees outside right now. Supposed to get to 30 today. Last Saturday it was so nice out we only needed a long sleeve shirt. Two days later the weather is too dangerous to breath. now it's warmer again. They say the weather doesn't make you sick but I don't buy it.

I don't remember school ever being cancelled because it was too cold. As long as the busses run and the kids have heat and water, the schools remain open. We haven't had a snow day in a while. We just don't get the snow like we used to....not here in Casper. We have had the kind of snow you all are getting...minus the moisture, but it's been years.

Trudi and Michelle I don't know where you both are but I'm praying you're safe from the cyclone that hit your shores yesterday.

Amy - My heart goes out to your sweet Katie! So young to carry so much fear.

Crystal - Praying for a speedy recovery. Court begins again for you pretty soon, doesn't it? Do you have to be there? Please take it easy.

Peace to everyone...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

MY thoughts to you Amy for your sweet Katie adn the burden on her heart and nervous system as you all approach the one year mark. I think for teens and children, the ability to move forward seems more seemless at times, but the dates are bringing forth so much anxiety for your sweet Girl. It may be that she needs to talk to someone about this, the school social worker or a therapist, tricky though, her age is more difficult to find themselves willing to talk to therapists. I wish that I could help. There are some books for siblings, do you think that she would read a bit about others who have lost a sibling? She has found herself where so many of us have, afraid of losing anyone else. Let her know that that is normal for this abnormal experience.

Love to you

Sus, I sure hope that your dependable car keeps on being so. My goodness it gets cold where you are. It is odd, sad, global warming to make it so that you do not have the snow you used to have. But that cold...holy cow. I don't think that I could handle that each winter. I am glad that Mariah is voicing her thoughts and that you have people in place to assist. Good for you and Gary to find ways to help these three Kiddos with the absolute tug of loving and fearing a parent. The guilt that goes along with that tug is huge. As a kid, I hated my dad for what he was doing to me, but had this sense of "HE"S MY DAD..." It is very confusing and so your taking control of them not seeing him has got to be a relief of great substance to them.

Crystal, how goes the healing so far? I hope that each day you feel the strength returning to your body.