Loss of an Adult Child

[Crystal16]

Carol- I’m so pleased that you feel Mike’s presence when you’re enjoying a game at Fenway. If you happen to make it down my way I will be sure to greet you with a warm hug and a smile… I absolutely felt at peace when I read the goodnight prayer from your friend to God.

Kathy- There is many days I wake up annoyed and shout…you are not alone!! We are here to support, encourage and let you know its okay. Love and hugs to you girl.

Greg- What a beautiful love story between you and your wife, I pray someday mine is written too. I date a gentleman on an off, his name is Rich our story is more like Ally and Noah…

I would have to admit this weekend will be an awesome game between the Bears and Packers!!!! I'm undecided still a little partial to the BEARS....

Dee, Karen, Kathy, Rhonda, Bonnie, Colleen, Greg, Lynn, Sonya, Dan, Amy Betty, Leah, and any other Indingo friend I left out I ask God give you peace throughout the day.

[Guest msnher]

Crystal - I am glad you are lending your voice. Unfortunately, you speak from personal experience through the tragic loss of your Ashlee, but your voice holds power, depth and weight. When I am put in a position where my voice matters and what I have to say might offend someone I have to "go inside" to the deepest part of my soul and "above all else, be true to myself". At those times I have to put what other people think completely out of my mind and speak from my truth.

Carol - I love the prayer your friend, Carol, wrote. I trust you are staying warm. Amanda said it is now colder there than it ever is here.

Colleen - How did your coworker get bear meat? I've only had bear meat once and I didn't like it. I must admit, I don't understand all the hoopla surrounding football. But, I never was a sports fan. I wish they would take half the salary away from professional sports and give it to teachers. But sports are privately owned and the teachers are paid from our government. My son in law lives for football. Packer's fan. While I don't enjoy the game, I enjoy watching him enjoy the game. All his little girls will understand football, that's for sure. So....if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.........go team!

Beth - It doesn't ever end, Sweetie! We're all screwed. Pardon the dark humor. Life just happens and to some of us it happens more frequently than to others. I'm so sorry for your daughter's depression and despair. That has to be the hardest of all for you. We just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope for a break. Unless you're me and then you just go to bed and learn to live with the laundry not folded and dirty dishes in the sink. Seriously, you are so young and I'm so sorry you have already been through so much sadness. What I know about you is you were one of the firsts to welcome me to BI and offer me your hand. You are stronger than you may even want to be. But, your compassion and strength helped carry me on a day when I thought I couldn't take one more breath. Your little Zachy is the first angel I actually got to meet (literally) after joining BI. He checks on his family often and is patiently waiting for you all to join him. For you it feels like eternity. For him it will be in just a minute. He really wants his sister to know he's okay but he doesn't know how to communicate it to her. The whole family's sorrow confuses him. "Don't they know I'm right here?" He has older, wiser "angels/guides" explaining things to him. So, he just checks in and watches and then goes and play and waits for you all. Carol's words to Mike were right on. In the meantime, the eternity between breaths, I pray God send your angels to surround you with light and love. I pray the healing angel flood your daughter with understanding and comfort. I pray wisdom and comfort for you and your husband. Peace to you, my friend!

Hell! I pray those things for myself. Right now I pray that an angel would come clean my house! I want a clone. Someone who can live my life so I can sleep through it.

Betsy - It was good to see Rich's face. My prayers are with you, too.

Oh poo! My brain just filled up with a whole lot of nothing. I guess it's time for me to call it a day. Mariah wrote her paper on volcano's in letter form to her mother. "Dear Mom, what do you know about volcano's?" she then went on to tell her what she knows about volcano's. I love it!!

Oh. Greg what a love story between you and your wife! Gary and I feel that way about each other, too, but we've only been married for four years. Friends for 18 yrs.

Well, have a great day everyone....or not..

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Sus - Northern Wisconsin is filled with bears. Many hunters here in WI. I did not like the Bear meat, had a funny taste, but I tried it.

Yes, the sun is out and I am enjoying it as much as I can.

Keep warm my friends!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Kathy - the first thing I thought when you said how angry you are is, "It's about time." Get good and mad and tell us about it. Like Dee said, after the anger subsides, and it will, you will feel the sun again.

Hugs to you!!.

[lolynbo]

Thx guys learning the iPhone and being without laptop is like kody racing with a covered wagon. Well the biker club wants to sponsor kourtneys kloset and put a kourtneys kloset patch on their jackets WOW were bikers. This r bikers w a heart. WhT wld my Angel thnk of that

[shorty16]

Lorri

Your Kourtney would be so proud of you.

That is what she would think!!!

Colleen

[Crystal16]

Lorri- That's awesome your Angel is working miracles on this side of heaven....

[kmb22]

Edit

[daveydow1]

Beth---I'm sorry about your daughter, and your husband's dad having bone cancer. Sending thoughts & prayers.

Peace & comfor to to you, friend.

Kathy-----I so understand the anger thing. The amount of years past since our children left this world does not

really make a difference. The way we love and miss them so much can bring about these feelings because we

loved them so deeply, and we miss them so much.

Carol----YIKES.....It's colder there than here, and I'm freezing. thanks for the pic of the STOP sign nearly buried

in snow. I guess everyone is just tired of winter, and we still have a ways to go. Your conversations with Mike

about his dying were very touching. Although they were painful for you both, I believe that it was beneficial to

have the conversations. You put it so well when you said that you did understand that he knew where he was

going...to heaven...., but that you expressed so well that you and the members of the family would just be left

and would miss him and mourn his passing. Sometimes a lot of things go unsaid, and if they were spoken,

it could bring some measure of comfort. I know that when my dad had terminal cancer, I wanted to say things to

him, but was afraid that he would think I was giving up on him, etc. (the experts tell you to always be positive,

that there is hope etc.....). Therefore, sadly, there were things I would have liked to say that were left unsaid. I

was able to be with him the day he passed (at home), and expressed my love for him at that time. I'm grateful

that I had that opportunity. We didn't get to say anything to Davey......no goodbyes....no 'I Love You'......he was

already gone to heaven one hour before we found out. Peace be with you, Carol.

Greg-----Such a nice story about how you and your wife finally got together, ........and still going strong !

Trudi-----Jeya's sweet words about Mike holding her when she was born, and that "this is Mike's guitar " were

so very touching. What a darling little girl she is.

Dee---Hope all the kids show up at school in better moods today. I guess we all get grumpy now & then. I will

try to find the book.......thanks for the tip.

Colleen------BEAR MEAT ?????? I thought you were kidding, but I guess there really is such a thing, and that

people eat it ( don't think I would ) . Maybe mountaineers in the long ago ?? I wonder what it would taste like.??

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOES.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[briansdad]

Colleen------BEAR MEAT ?????? I thought you were kidding, but I guess there really is such a thing, and that

people eat it ( don't think I would ) . Maybe mountaineers in the long ago ?? I wonder what it would taste like.??

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOES.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[/quote

Sherry,

How else would it taste?? Un bear able!!!!

[mikesmomrs]

Sherry: Even though we did know that Mike's cancer was terminal, from the very beginning, (and the dr's words to us weren't 'you can always hope', but "this is fatal. there is no cure.") it was still very, very hard to say those kinds of words to him...we couldn't even take videos other than at celebrations, etc., because it was like saying "you are dying and we want to be sure we have tapes of you," etc. (though we did take lots of pictures, thankfully.) There are SO many things I wanted to say, and I thank God so very much for all that I did manage to say, and I know that mike knew that we loved him to the moon and back, but still, I wish I could have said more, more often, even before we knew he was going to die. But, we can't take those hours back, can we? We can only hold close those moments when we did talk, and we did share, and we did express our love. I try now to let my girls know all the time how much they mean to me, more so than the "I love you" at the end of a phone call or when they are leaving after a visit. I am so glad that you got to be there with your dad and tell him how much you loved him...it meant so much to us to be able to be there for Mike, right through to the end. I am forever grateful for that, as I know that you were with your dad. I am sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye to Davey, or Lisa, but it is a hard call as to whether it is better to be able to or not... an impossible call, actually. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that twice, so very sorry. My heart to you, dear friend.

Karen: We had to give up on the snow shoveling/clearing a while back...we have a very good neighbor who does it for a very reasonable price, thank heavens.

Dee: I too hope your charges were back in sync again when you got to school today. Damon has been sick most of this week with a bug, so he has missed the "no school" options. He had to stay with his other grandma, as we can't risk exposing Ralph to anything like that.

Lorri: So great what the bikers are doing...wonderful for you and Kourtney's Kloset.

Greg: I loved the story about you and your wife, also...thank you for sharing. Ralph and I met as a result of a phone call, essentially. I worked for the phone company and his best friend's fiance worked beside me. One day, Ralph got on the phone. We talked every day after that. We met one month later, and 6 weeks after that, we got married....46 years ago. We've always told the kids that we have never gotten divorced because we agreed when we got married that whoever leaves first, has to take the kids! (Actually, it's because he is the other half of my heart beats.) How are things going with Alyssa's mom? Is she still trying to make things difficult? I hope things are better.

I am glad that so many enjoyed my friend Carol's prayer. She had written another that I will post later...I keep that one in my prayer book. I was glad to share it. Thank you all for your kind words about my conversation with Mike. I am so glad that I was able to say those words to him and so grateful that he understood. Mike had renewed his faith just a couple months after his second surgery and for that we are also very grateful...It has brought many peaceful moments to my heart.

We got snow again last night...won't be melting anytime soon...frigid temps through Wednesday, and possibly more snow then, too. here's the comparison of the stop sign from yesterday morning to this morning...it is slowly disappearing...

Take care everyone, and have a nice evening.

love to all, carol mikesmomrs

[summergirl]

Thank you my friends for all your words and accepting my anger. I am better today but not there yet. Had a nice reading time with Tavian which calmed me down but the anger remained....I have never experienced this before but then there are alot of things I never expected to experience so I am taking it as it comes and the sun shall shine again...

Greg - I LOVE THAT SONG !! It made me smile - thank you. I love that you found that letter and ended up with the best woman in the world. My husband was friends with my brother and he came to our house one night to ask my sister out !! said he took one look at me and that was it...we went to the movies on our first date and have been together ever since...married 37 years....I was 2 weeks shy of turning 17 when we married - yes, I know that is hard to believe but true !! Had our son when I was 21 and Jessica 2 1/2 years later. I still have people who cannot believe that we married so young and have survived all these years, I just say "thats true love". By the way - did you go see the Rabbit Hole ??

So cold here - only about 18 tomorrow....we have had more snow this year so far then we have in many years. Would not bother me I guess if I wasn't a "summergirl" - lol

Peace, love and strength to all, Kathy

[kmb22]

Well another round of snow cleaned up; I'm running out of places to put it. I'm thinking next storm I may just bring out the torches and melt it all! Carol, Oh how I wish I could be beyond all the cleaning it up myself but I haven't quite got to the point of wanting to pay someone to do it...yet. Someone just told me they heard we might be getting another 18 inches next week?!? Have you heard that? This is just nuts.

My car was completely buried, the snow even got up inside under the hood somehow and it's running like junk. I'm hoping it will dry out but it's now officially not going anywhere until spring and I'm hibernated. I just found out the local supermarket delivers for only 10 dollars so I'm all set. Now, if I can only figure out how to make a paycheck from my cave.

I finally saw the movie Hereafter and have to say I was pretty disappointed. I'm a fan of Matt Damon, a fellow Bostonian, but just didn't care for the direction of the film at all. They could have done so much better with the plot, and the intensity I hoped for was lacking. Just my opinion but I expected more. I found another movie which I thought was good, it's called Saved by the Light and is based on the true story of Dannion Brinkley. Eric Roberts plays the lead and does a great job. You can find it on You Tube; it's in 9 parts but they are all there. The first part is here : youtube.com/watch?v=X9SRzBGu_2c

[ericasmom]

Wow, you easterners, Carol, Kathy, and Karen, have all of our snow. We used to get so much more than we do now. The biggest snowfall usually in your neck of the woods is in Vermont. There is a great kids book that I read each year called, SNOWFLAKE BENTLEY. He was a real guy that lived in Vermont, name of town is somehow lost to me now. Anyhow, he is the guy that spent his whole life phtographing and proving to the word that there are no two snowflakes the same. His work became the basis of belief for most scientists. Wonderful book and filled with facts and wonder. So there is a statue in his town that celebrates this man and all he proved. I believe that the average snowfall there is 105 inches per winter.

Be careful shoveling. If I were there, I could just lie down in your walkways and melt it with a hot flash.

It is 1 degree here tonight. 1 degree.

Kath, glad that you feel better today than yesterday.

Good night all, Fridays find me fighting to stay awake. I am pooped out.

[ericasmom]

http://www.google.com/images?q=snowflake+bentley&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=Dl06TcqDCMnSgQeKuMSuCA&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=4&ved=0CE0QsAQwAw&biw=1024&bih=576

Jericho Vermont...this link should show you some of the pages of the book and about Snowflake Bentley.

[aim630]

I am going to try & catch up on the reading tomorrow, just a quick note. Last night I dreamed of Ashley, and in my dream I knew she shouldn't be alive, so I was afraid at any minute something would happen to her (like I couldn't believe she was really there). In reality, we thought she was well on the road to recovery when she died, although 2 months earlier it was touch & go. She knew she had almost died in December (thanks to stupid family members, I wasn't going to tell her that while she was still in the hospital, I didn't want to scare her). I did tell her I had been very scared when she was so sick, but I tried to keep it lighthearted so she didn't realize how close she came. There were so many things I wanted to tell her when she got home, about what had happened to her in the hospital, that I never got a chance to tell her. In my dream last night, I told her everything, and how scared I had been the whole time. That last day (for real), I never knew it was going to be her last day & if I had, I would have told her how much I loved her & how I would be devasted if something happened. Of course, I told her every day I loved her, but if I knew I would never have the chance to talk to her again, I would have told her so much more. But reading what Carol wrote, of course even if I had knew she was dying, I wouldn't have told her that (how I would be devasted & not feel like living myself), because I wouldn't have wanted to upset her. Either way is horrible, knowing something is going to happen, or having no idea ahead of time. I was kind of in the middle with that (knowing it was possible, but not really believing it, especially when the doctors & nurses thought she was making such progress).

I have not had time to get on here tonight, so only skimmed through what you all said. I will slow down tomorrow morning & read more (before my step-granddaughter spends the night-she is almost 5). She's adorable, and so much fun, but of course, a lot of work. Luckily, she adores my 17 year old (Aunt Katie), and follows her everywhere.

Goodnight,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[josephsmom90]

Hello BI's

LTNS! Just been plowing through life, and snow. Missing my boy pretty bad and a lot of late. Don't know if you knew, Daniel the twin to Joseph was nearly killed in Oct on the drilling rig in Wyomng. He still isn't healed, and may have to undergo surgery. Should find out more next week. Throwing a drag up here in the boonies. Thinking of and praying for you all though.

Elaine & Michael.

[mikesmum]

I'm writing this as Zak and Jeya watch "Dispicable Me". Its about my 5th time so I can type and not miss much. These guys are back to their folks tomorrow. Its been a short visit, but believe me they pack much into a short stay. Beach today was a little hairy, 30 knot winds for most part. But every the adventurers they wanted to 'beach it'. The windsurfers were out in force and the sand blasting did wonders for my completion.

These past nights at dusk we have been wildlife 'hunting'. I have attached some pics of tonights trip. This is about 1km from my front door.

The anger thing is something that took its time to find its place. Some days though the trigger is released and the trap door flies open. Sometimes it can be a song, a person, a reminder but there is never a constant that I can avoid.

Greg - The Seventh Sojourn Album is a favourite. Love the story of the lost letter that led to love.

One very very tired Granma holding all indigoes close as they transverse this uncharted world.......

Muttley Dog - love that pup

[Guest msnher]

Trudi - I am mesmerised by the kangaroos. So many of them right out your front door. Wow. My reaction is probably like the people who come to Wyoming who have never seen an antelope or buffalo up close. I've never seen a kangaroo except in pictures and my reaction is wow. Cool beans!

Elaine - I am so sorry to hear about Daniel's accident. Where is Wyoming was he working? Are you still planning on moving to Texas (or was it Florida)? How is Michael doing?

Amy - I wonder if we try to figure it out even in our dreams. Your dream of Ashley breaks my heart for you. I so wish you had your Ashley here in the flesh to hug and talk to.

Karen - My reaction to the movie Hereafter was different than yours. I walked away feeling like pieces of the puzzle were put together. The whole death experience...without all the theatrical special effects. It brought me peace. Of course the peace was short lived; not even my dream of my visit to heaven had real lasting peace. My inability to hold on to peace for any length of time causes me to question all that I confess to know. But, Hereafter will become part of our video library when it is available. I began to watch the movie about Dannion Brinkley, but I grew too sleepy. I'll try to watch another time.

Not much else to say this morning. Wishing you all peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Morning All, I am off with Shan and her Mom to look at wedding dresses, how sweet of them to include me, I am honored.

ELAINE so good to see you adn so sorry to hear of Danile's accident. How is doing now and how did you hear about it? How goes the plans for Texas?

Amy, the dream of Ashley was a tear producer, but I do believe as Sus mentioned, that we indeed try to work things through in our sleeping state. Important.

I am reading a new memoir about a woman whose husband died suddenly, I will post some later on the words she used that we have all used.

Loving the photos Trudi, dear and sweet times with the little ones. Yes, the sand facial sounds very, well, abrasive.

dee

[Guest msnher]

Indigo's, I have invited a friend of mine to join BI. Her name is Phyllis. Her son Jeremiah died two years ago today in a vehicle accident. I don't know if she will join us or not, but in case she does I wanted to give you a head's up. I know you will all welcome her with the love and warmth that you have extended to me. I hope she will.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

I agree Dee

This year, we Great-Lakes people have really missed the snow-pounding the Eastern USA has gotten. We used to get that - 18-20 inches of heavy, wet snow.

This morning, we have about 2-3 more inches, on top of about 3 on the ground. Really pretty, but tough driving, because the snow is so wet.

Be careful our Eastern USA friends

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Our wrestler...

[westleysmom]

Susannah-He looks truly ready to rumble. What a cutie!

Carol-Such a sweet love story you have too. We always joked that "custody battle" would take on a whole new meaning if we ever split up too, but it was just joking! We've been together since I was in a really bad car accident when I was 15 and in the hospital. My sister was sitting with me, and when my now husband came by the hospitall (he was almost 17), she let him come in and see me, although I'm sure I looked like hell with my jaw wired shut and my black eyes. I'd had my spleen removed, and several broken ribs and could barely move. When I got home, he started calling, and we started dating when my Mom thought I was old enough ( a few months' later) We've been married 30 years this December, and I don't know what I'd do without him. I hope never to know.

Trudi-Kangaroos are fascinating to me too. I can't believe them all together there, just looking. It would kind of freak me out, I'd be afraid they were plotting because they look so intelligent. Those grandies do wear you out, snow day yesterday and I had my nearly 3 year old granddaughter all day. I was tired and ready for bed last night! Muttley's looking good, too!

ELAINE-So good to hear from you and hope that Daniel continues to recover. I was wondering too about the move and whether you are going to be able to work it out.

Amy-I guess there is no good way to let our loved ones go. I'm thinking of you as we get close to Ashley's angelversary. Good luck wth the sleepover. My granddaughter has never slept over, because she doesn't believe that we sleep at Nana's house!

I have to say that I'm going with the BEARS, (sorry Colleen, Bears fans from way back before we had a so-called team in TN) Working on the bathroom a little today (at least my husband is) and going later to first birthday party for Westley's best friends son, who was born on the 26th last year. Hard to believe he's a year old. Time is sneaky like that, you think its not going by, that its standing still, but its creeping up on little cat feet, or maybe that's something else that line is about. Have a good day all. I noticed a few newbies posting on their own thread, I hate to see new people, so much sadness. But glad they found us, as I found you, my good friends.

[ericasmom]

HI Gang,

I am back from wedding dress shopping with SHannon and her Mom, Beth and her sister Michelle. WEw ent to two places in chicago where she had appointments. In the dressing room she went and came out each time beautiful. What gorgeous dresses and Shannon makes them even more beautiful. Well I had my favorites after seeing six. Then we went to lunch adn on to the second place where Shan tried on the two dresses she had tried two weeks ago. Now putting the one on that she liked a few weeks ago and comparing them to the 6 she tried on today, she saw that indeed, this was the one. It is beautiful and comfortable at the same time. She ordered her dress adn I was so glad to be a part of the whole event.

I am going to lay down as I slept poorly last eve.

Rhonda, I know that time takes on elements it never had before. It stands still and it moves with lighting speed all while we stand there wondering how we are going to face time, it swirls around us and our calendar pages change as we wonder where time went. Very abstract to me since Eri died, though a bit less so now.

Peace All,

dee

[Crystal16]

Good afternoon all,

SW Florida is chilly this afternoon its 61 degrees not complaining at least I’m not dealing with snow.

Amy- Hugs to you Hun reading your final days with Ashley breaks my heart. I remember leaving for Deland and texting back and forth with Ashlee letting her know I love her and to be safe over Labor Day weekend!

Trudi- Thanks for sharing your photo’s…love them.

Dee- Enjoy your nap sweetie I hope you wake rested.

Spent the day with my son, Ethan, it has been a long time since we hung out. It was nice he helped me clean for the pool, vacuumed the rooms and watched Conspiracy movie with me.

Love to all....

[mikesmomrs]

Elaine: so good to hear from you...though sorry to hear that Daniel is going to need surgery. And yes, how is Michael doing? ARe you still planning to move in the spring? I forget where it is that you said you were going, but if you are still going, I wish you safe travels.

Crystal: So glad that Ethan got to come over and help and you got to spend some time together.

Trudi: The kangaroos...I noticed barbed wire...is that to keep them off the beach? They do look like people standing there looking back. The pics were great...the kids look happy.

Dee: I am happy that you got to spend the day with Shannon and the others, selecting her wedding dress. Have they set their date yet? Did you have a good nap?

Susannah: Jonathan looks too cute! Ready to "take 'em down!" Thanks for sharing.

Amy: Your dream of Ashley...sending hugs to you.

Kathy: Glad that things are calming down...it takes time sometimes to come down off that ledge of anger...sometimes we have to climb down slowly.

I finally got to take the boys to the hill for tubing...trouble is the tubes just weren't going down the hill today, for some weird reason.. The only people going down the hill were those with saucers. Some other people let the boys use theirs for a couple of rides down, so at least they got to go down. Damon couldn't go; it was too cold for him, and Jamie is sick again. The very first thing I bump into when I get out of the car and start walking up the hill to where they all congregate to tube, is a bearded young man, about Mike's age, with his two little boys, about 6 and 7, the same age as the last time Mike took his boys. He loved being there with them...sweet memories, once the painful reminders passed.

Mike with boys when they were just 2 and 3...

boys today...they both forgot their jackets, so had to wear one of mine (Chan, on left) and one of Ralph's (Kam on the right)

As we were leaving, I turned and was facing the sunset...so beautiful...(no photoshop enhancement...just as it was)

Hope everyone has a good evening...supposed to be bitterly cold here tonight and even colder tomorrow...grateful that I have a warm house.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Chili Crystal, 61? wow, that is when you see folks here running round in sandles and cutoffs. Glad that you had a nice day.

Carol, love the photos, boys with Mike, boys now...that sunset showing you that Someone is in charge of beauty in this world.

Thanks for the good wishes, no nap but that is fine, I had a great day and while tired, perhaps tonight I will sleep. I have been on an every other day good sleep thing.

Sus, love that photo of Jon, what a Deary with his wrestling singlet and gear. Tough guy.

[daveydow1]

Carol---Loved the story of how you & Ralph met & fell in love. 46 years !!! How nice. Yes, I agree,.......it is a hard call

about being there when a loved one dies, or not being there. I'm glad that I had the chance to be with my dad the

day he died. Sometimes,.....I feel guilty saying this, but it may have been a blessing that I was not to be with Lisa or

Dave when they died. I think God spared me. Of course, when there are accidents, there isn't always time. Thanks for your

kind words. My, you guys really are getting the snow. It's just c-o-l-d here.......minus 3 degrees tonight.....BRrrrrrrrrrr.

Kathy------Thanks for your story of how you & your husband met & fell in love,....and still going strong after 37 years.

Nice story.

Amy------Your dream of sweet Ashley sounds like ones I've had also. Sometimes it seems dreams are impossible to figure out. I

guess it has to do with our subconsious. Peace to you, friend.

Elaine-----Good to see you here at BI. Sending prayers for Daniel's health.

Trudi-----thanks for the pics. My computer has been temperamental lately, and I could not load the pic, but could make it out

a bit from the thumbnail pic. Yes.....kangaroos are facinating animals. Muttley is such a cute pup. Glad he is ok now.

Dee-----Such a nice outing when you went shopping with Shannon and her mom and the others to look at wedding dresses. That's

always exciting. Luckily, Becky & I had already gone on the wedding dress shopping thing, and she had already bought her dress

when Dave died. I don't think that I would have been much into it after he passed. As it was, she was married just 6 wks. after Dave

passed. She & Jeremy had already made all the reservation, paid deposits, etc. and all that. We told them to just go ahead with the

wedding if they wanted to, so they did. It was a nice wedding/reception.......sometimes large parts of it are a blank with me & her dad.

You will be a great mother-in-law for Shannon. Some moms resent losing their sons to a wife. I know.....I had a mom-in-law like that.

She was a real challenge to deal with. That bird was again singing outside this a.m. when there was a bright sun (but cold out).

Maybe he 'knows' something. ??

PEACE TO ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigo's - just a quick stop in to say hello. Been a busy day but much accomplished and I feel better....the anger is slowly going away especially after I went to see my Jess today....just sat in the car and talked to her but could not stay long....sometimes it is just too hard. I was sitting there looking at the snow blanketing her and I thought "is she cold" and then swore I heard her laugh at me which I am sure she is...what a stupid thought....

Yes my friends it is COLD here....about 18 - 20 today and supposed to get colder each day through Monday then another possible snow storm or blizzard - they are not sure yet. I really don't mind if I could just stay home and did not have to go anywhere....I too am thankful for a warm house. Often on days like we have had I think of the many homeless out there and I pray they find a safe haven to stay...

I have not been reading lately - very unusual for me but just to busy with the house. I did work on my quilt today and it felt good.

Trudi and Carol - love the pics....

I will say good night as my eyes are tired and I think I might just go see what good book I have and settle down for a bit...might help me sleep. Love, Peace and Strength, Kathy

[mysonrich]

Keeping my fingers crossed with my laptop up, running and charging. The mailman didn't delivery mail for 2 days so there was a parts delivery delay. I'm not sure why the mailman didn;'t delivery. It couldn't have been 3 inches of snow. Oh well. He/she was here today.

Susannah, you made me laugh with , “ I'm not really here”. Boy do I know it. I feel like I'm playing charades sometimes. Your concern regarding Mariah and her report and her letter to her mom. Could it be that we aren't mind readers and if we were HERE, our psychology 101 would be put to better use in unraveling the thoughts,feelings and hurt of others? You are in the middle,or should I say,surrounded by others, in living life after the devastating lose of your daughter and your love,compassion and the fact that you do reach out ,always, to Stephanie’s children shows a strength beyond measure . How are we to know when we don't know “ourselves”? Hope that made sense.

Which leads me to this one concern this evening. After not pressing Sarah for 2 years , not asking questions of her and in constant worry about how she is really doing, I asked some questions. I hate to upset her. When I have asked in the past, she would shake her head quickly, almost as if to dispel a memory. She still worries me but I have come to a point where I can not,not talk of him . Sure, I would make a comment here and there but nothing specific to what she would or could actually answer.

I told her the story of the day Rich came to visit me . At the time it was much easier to take the regional rail. I told her this story while we were on the train ,on the way to the concert in Phila. I told Rich to keep an eye out for his station and hop off, I would be there to pick him up. He boarded the train, told the ticket taker guy where he was going and asked that the ticket taker guy to let him know when they arrived. Rich promptly put on his headset. He looked up, and he was at his “hop off now” station. Rich was kind of upset that no one told him that he had arrived. I explained that I'm sure they did, the conductor announces over the intercom system and the ticket taker guy flings the door open and announces . Could it have been the headset Rich? So, little pieces of Rich I share with her but still worry of her state of heart.

Betty, hope you are out there and thank you for the beautiful message on Rich's angelversary. The harp. I believe you remembered the heart.

Dee, it sounds like a great time dress shopping. Will I see you on TV anytime soon? The show, “ Say yes to the dress”?

Rhonda, I like your poem . I feel that any “ woe is me” thoughts are not so much for me. Sure, I have them, it is my lose,my simple man,only son and isn't grief what we have lost? The woe comes in when I question God and feel “ woe was Rich”. Why shorten a life when things were looking up for him? What is this all about? The struggle and reward? His story,his life was written, his death predetermined by God and as with millions of others, the road much,much tougher. Well, Rich knows now. I just don't feel that what I have learned from Rich’s death should have been learned at the lose of his life. Heck, I don;t know.

Colleen, I am sad at times that my son will be forgotten. Here, he is not, and perhaps in the world around me he isn't,but we know how to speak of our children here and acknowledge the importance. BRIAN! Aka Brain, with my typos. He is known here. Brian is remembered.

Bear! Never had any but tried respond to a co-worker in a knowing manner, ( new office,diff part of the country) when she told me she had a bear roast in the crock-pot at home. At the time I was thinking, “ Bear”?

Carol, thank you again. And I love the pictures.

I'll catch up more later. As far as football teams go, I'll go with Green Bay.

Sherri,Trudi,Lynn,Bonnie,Marcia,Dan,Kathy,Karen, Greg,Amy,all that are in my thoughts, Indigoes,

Good night

[ericasmom]

Hi Betsy, so good to see a post from you, glad the parts have arrived. No, you shall not be seeing any of us on Say Yes to the Dress, don't watch it, but I do watch, WHAT NOT TO WEAR, I love the two that host that one plus I get to see the shops of NYC.

So you will go with Green Bay hu? What about the Jets and STeelers game? Who do you predict?

I know what you mean about talking about Rich around Sarah. I have been selective around Jonathan. There are times he brings his Sister's name up and remembers something fondly, but I do it too often for his liking. He has never said anything, it is just the bristle or look that comes across his face. The quiet tension. So I don't push it with him. He gave me money at Christmas for the Erica Reith fund. He knows what a good thing the fund is and he agrees that Eri's name going on in this way is very sweet. I know that if she were present she would have been dress shopping today too, enjoying the experience and joyous for her Bro and Shan. She will be there I know, dressed in the lights that warm the church, the sweet light of afternoon in November, sweeping over the alter where her Brother was Baptised so long /so short ago. WE baptized Jon in the Catholic church only because we did not know what to do, Jon's Grandmom is Catholic, as is my hideous father, and both Michael and I were allegedly Catholic, non practicing. But the church was beautiful, in an old world way. In fact when Jon was little, he and I would stop in there on hot summer afternoons to sit and be quiet and cool. He would point to the colored glass and name the colors. He is not a Catholic but his girl is, and her family is catholic, and since he was baptized there, it was a good fit for them all.

Sherry, so great that the birds are hanging out, or bird I should say. Our feeder is getting emptied every day or so even in this cold. Today I saw a tree in the heart of the city that had to have had 60 robins in it, just roosting and all puffed up against the cold. I am writing a story about a bird and a little girl. Oh, have you ever logged onto the BAckyard Birds through Cornell University? You can take part in their biannual bird count. All of you can, just log in and agree to count birds one or two times in the coming months. THey do this to get a look at the numbers of migrating birds in the Us and see if the patterns are changing and how the numbers look. No charge just fun.

I can imagine Sherry, that Becky's wedding must be a bit of a blur so soon after losing Davey. It was good of you to urge Becky to go ahead with their plans. Davey would want that as well.How are you feeling?

[mikesmum]

Good Evening all. Well the grandies are back home and we (Mal Muttley and 1) are alone at the ocean. Of course only Muttley and I love ocean, Mal is more a deck chair on the river or back in the carpark at the beach, but hey at least he's here.

Its been a busy couple of days with the grandies. I feel like I have been 'gone' for 4 years and am just catching up with Zak now almost 9 and Jeya Baya 4.

The kangaroos, well yes if cornered they will 'fight', rearing up on their tail and using their powerful back legs to do some awful damage. These roos aren't domesticated by any stretch, but will stand and 'stare you out'. These particular ones are just up from the boat ramp to the inlet. The barbed wire fence is actually to prevent the horses getting out. Roos glide over them as if they weren't there.

Funnily enough as we were going home we had to stop at a stop sign. Righ beside Jeya's window not more than 3' was a mum and her 'teenage' joey. It was as if there was a cross walk and they were waiting for the traffic, us, to clear.

Betsy - I have the same with Steven and Melissa. Sometimes Steven will share his feeling about Mike, maily in the form of why? Melissa comes from a place of 'concern'. She worried that the toll of losing Mike has taken something from me and it has altered me physically as well as mentally. Can't argue with that.

Dee - Weddings....ahh. Melissa rang last night to tell me she has 'found' her dress. Its a fitted white satin sleeveless with plunging back and front neckline....NOT SHE DOESN'T HAVE HER MOTHERS BODY. I will get to see it on Wednesday. So I guess there is a 2011 wedding for her and from what I can gather from the not so talkative son, maybe another one before years out.

On the subject of forgotten....Just the late night rambling of the sleep deprived..

The living are forgotten just as much. Those we have encountered in our lives are lost in the 'moving on' resurfacing only by chance. I don't really think much on them unless prompted by something like an add friends from an old high school site. For a start my memories of this particular one aren't that great. I was 4'X3' with thick horn rimmed glasses at school. My hair was cut with bangs and my social skills were non existent. NERD comes to mind. I was the focus of 'humour' to put it politely. Ahh but I digress.

I ran into a girl (woman now) who went to school with Melissa. Mike was a year above her so they intertwined as friends. She gets it. Mike is a happy memory for her. His loss something that she acknowledges, but her focus is more on the life lived and the lives he impacted on in his 31yrs...

Before we came down to the ocean I paid a visit to the river. The water levels have risen and the area changed somewhat, as I guess it should be.

I took some pics of the water and left Mal with the camera.....bad move....anyhew.

Mikes Place....18/1/2011

[Crystal16]

Good morning all,

I stopped by to say enjoy your day with the family. I'm anxious for football this afternoon as I lay around and do nothing...

[westleysmom]

Dee and Trudi-So exciting all the wedding plans. I spent the first month after my 18 year old daughter told me she was engaged trying to talk her out of getting married yet, using up one of my months to get ready (she gave me only 6 to begin with) We went wedding dress shopping in January that year with Mama and my sister. That was in 2004, and she got married on May 29, her Granny's anniversary, and they're still doing fine. I married at 18 and thought she should wait until she got out of college, but she didn't, and she graduated on time, and so did he. It's good to be wrong sometimes isn't it? Anyway, I hope we get to see pictures of the lovely brides when it happens.

Betsy-I so know what you mean about talking to our remaining child/children. I think that maybe my daughter is somewhat angry at Westley, since his death was caused not by a physical problem so much as his alcohol use and taking something at the same time. He didn't choose to die, but he chose to do the things that led to his death. And if she's angry at him, I don't really want to know it, and so we don't talk about it much, at lease we haven't yet. I'm a little angry at him if I really let myself admit it, but I haven't even really gotten there yet. I miss him too much to be angry at him. Does that make sense? I'm glad you finally got back online, was thinking of you last week a lot.

Kathy-I can't tell you how many times the "is he cold?" thought has crossed my mind. I thought it was just me, but I see that we all have a hard time adjusting to the idea of their physical being , being out of order now, for lack of a better way to say it. Of course, that's what started this whole problem, so you'd think I would have accepted by now that he doesn't get cold anymore, but I still have the thought. I even wondered if I shouldn't have put a blanket in there, I'd bought him one that looked like an animal skin that was really soft and warm. He never used it on his bed for some reason, I think he was afraid he'd get something on it. I haven't been able to bring myself to get it out and use it for anything, although sometimes I go in there and hold it.

The birthday party for the friend's little boy was nice, but near the end, I started losing my composure and was glad to leave when we did. I told his friend that he would have been there, and then I was just a little unglued for a while. We went to get a new TV since ours had developed a line right across the middle, and when we got home, I just went to bed as soon as possible. Sometimes I am so tired of being upbeat and positive and supportive and cheerful (you all are probably wondering how I get tired of being those since you've never seen me that way, but everyday people get the good stuff I guess) and I just want to be sad.

Good luck to everybody who has a dog in the fight today (especially the BEARS!)

[ericasmom]

Rhonda, you nailed it, I JUST WANT TO BE SAD. It is not that it feels good to be sad, it is that we ARE sad. And we need time alone with the sadness, it is OURS. I get that totally, and have the same thoughts, others get the best of me. It is how it is. It will morph over time. I still need the time alone to be with my thoughts of ERi alone, just she and I. But I am less exhausted by the energy that is manufactured now, now my energy level is closer to what is real than it was those first two years where you had to sometimes look in the mirror to see if you were able to smile. I am glad that you went to the party, glad that you could picture your Boy there with his friend and his Child. He was there, just not in the visible kind of way, just out of reach for our eyes, our ears, and damnit, our touch.

Trudi, congrats on Melissa's plans and I dare say, Stephens? Fun times My Dear. What month might Melissa make this happen? I am glad for you and Mal and Muttley to be at the ocean with each other. Seems Mal is finding a bit more time to share with you. Love the photos of both YOU MY SISTER, and the area that Mike loved. I would sit there all day, love the light on a river through the trees.

Loving you all, going for a walk in the sun, YES< SUN!

[mysonrich]

Dee, I have to go with the Jets. The only reason being that Sarah attends the games and her bff is a huge fan.

I guess we will always live through the “firsts”. Since you have been on this journey longer, Dee, I erroneously thought you had lived through most of the “firsts”. Many of which I haven't even considered, haven't had to deal with yet. Now your son is to marry and I'm sure you think of the what if's. I know Erica will be there in all the ways that you have written of. I sincerely hope that this is a joyful time,however bittersweet in many ways.

Trudi, I was looking at websites this morning, thinking of summer,thinking of the warm sun on the beach. Also, checking the temp here at 6 degrees and the ocean water temp at 33. A touch of cabin fever has me looking forward to a beach towel, a good book and the sound of the surf, in a few months.

That is a great picture of you.

Rhonda, I haven't been mad at Rich. Just everyone else including myself.

Crystal, football and the sofa, sounds like a plan. I'll probably be right there with you later.

Out the door for a light brunch. Cold as it is, I just have to get out.

See you all later

[ericasmom]

Back from my walk in the bright wonderful adn healing sunlight. The sky so blue one would think it September. I did not take my camera nor my binoculars but boy, I saw so many great sites and heard so many beautiful birds. Woodpekers galore in the woods along the slough, like busy carpenters the whir of the drilling, so lovely and then their screechy call, love that. Bluejays like crazy, the rusty see-saw of their squawk. And then as I strained my eyes to find the woodpecker high in a hollow tree, I saw the shadow of a heart on the bark of another, and I wished I had my camera, to post for you Carol...a heart on the path to the slough. I was warmed by the beauty and made to feel a part of the surroundings.

Thanks Betsy, I do hope that I am able to feel ERi in all we do going forward as well. I know that she would delight in the plans for the wedding, the dress shopping would really make her happy, being part of a fancy event...all of it. And I wonder sometimes even though I know I could not possibly know, if she would still have dreads, would she have gone on to take more classes in college, would she marry and have kids? I can never know, though I do indeed picture her taking the hands of little ones when they leave this earth, and helping them adjust to their new surroundings. She was very good with little ones. There will always be firsts no matter how far we travel down this road, just as there were firsts for our children, first night home, first steps, first solid food, first words...and I pray that I am able to hold all of them in my heart helping me to view the world from that gentler time.

Forgot to tell you that last night, I signed out with you guys and went to bed. I read for probably 10 minutes, was asleep by 9:30 I would say. All of a sudden I woke to what I thought was the sound of John falling down many stairs, I grabbed my glasses and my phone and ran down the steps and turned on the light to the basement, no John, and in fact, with my heart beating loudly in my ears, John was in bed, asleep. Wow! So once I realized that I either heard something and itnerpreted as such or I dreamed this malady, I thought it must be the middle of the night. I was shocked that when I looked at the clock, it was 10:07. I had only been asleep a little over 30 minutes. HOly crap. So I went to bed and read a bit but ended up sleeping rather soundly.

[daveydow1]

Dee----Oh.....thank heavens that your dream (or sound you heard) was not actually John falling down

stairs. You must have been so relieved. We did participate in a bird count last year, but do not remember

what organization it was through. We have a peanut/suet log at the bird feeders, and the woodpeckers

really like it. I read in the paper that our area of the greater Ohio Valley has not seen anything of the

grosbeaks. The naturalist lives in W.VA., and he thinks that the reason may be because there are more

people using birdfeeders in the areas farther north.....Canada/ northern U.S. border states etc. who have

gotten into feeding the birds, so that the grosbeaks no longer need to migrate further south for the types

of seeds etc. they eat. I don't know if I've ever seen a grosbeak before. They are yellow, he says, with a

noticeable large beak which they are experts at using to extract/crack seeds with. Have you ever seen

any of these birds where you live? The naturalists says there have been no reported sightings of these

birds for several years in the OH Valley area. I'm recovering from the cold o.k.----just a few little things

hanging on here & there.

Trudi-----Melissa's wedding dress sounds lovely. So---weddings in your future......Stephen too, maybe.

Have fun with it.

Rhonda----I know what you mean about West's blanket, and how you get it out now & then and hold it. I was

rearranging some cupboards recently (in a mess from the move, last year). I found one of Dave's old

Walkmans. How he loved those things, and they were the rage at the time he bought them. Now, sad to say,

they have gone out of production.......headed for the "Scrap Heap of Outdated Electronic Gadgets ". It makes

me sad to think that so much that was part of Dave's life is now somehow 'outdated'.....in the past. I guess

that's the way life has always been. Time (and fads/products change, fall back into the past ).....no way to

stop that. Our dear children who have passed out of this world are where there is no cold, so they are comfortable, but

the thought of them being cold is definitely one that must go through all our minds. Totally understandable.

I'm glad you have the animal skin print blanket that was Westley's. These items......clothes etc. too......can bring

us many moments of bittersweet comfort on this journey we're on. I have so many things that belonged to Dave,

and I'm keeping them.....can't part with them. We need all the help we can get along this rough road, don't we.

Peace to you, friend.

Kathy---You mentioned working on your quilt. I am also working on one. What type of quilt design do you have?

Mine is a state flower design.....I hand-embroidered each state's patch, then sewed them all together and put a

border on. Of course, it is far from being finished yet......lots of work to do on the borders/edges. Do you have

your quilt on a quilt frame? Yep......it is calming to work on quilts (or any kind of needlework ) I find. Peace & prayers.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Hi Sherry, no I have not seen a grossbeak up close and personal, but would love to. The video I saw on the Cornell site shows them eating in a unique way. IF thier beak crosses to theleft they spin the pine cone to the left having the ability then to pull seeds out with that curved beak. They eat one particular kind of seed from one kind of coniferous tree and I have forgotten the kind, so I imagine that they are more scarce than they used to be sadly enough.

Wow, hand embroidered and then quilted on to the blanket? Sounds like you are very patient Sherry. I flunked sewing way back in 7th grade, flunked! I admire the work that those of you who sew do.

BEARS are currently losing so I am taking a break from John's disappointment in them.

[mikesmum]

Betsy - Cant imagine being inside for any length of time. Even in the winter months here at the ocean I am rugged and out. We don't get snow like you do, something I'd like to experience, but can't say I would like it on a regular basis. Hope the virtual beach days ease the fever.

Dee - Gotta hate that, Walking in fright only to find you have been nodding for a short time. The mind is such a wonderful thing. So glad to hear you have sun on your face and clear blue skies..

As for the weddings, I think Melissa is heading for a November wedding. Outdoors in the hills. Steven, well I guess he'll go where Kelly says....its a guy thing

Its cooler here today, quieter too. Muttley Mal and I slept till 10! Will be out for a coffee soon....it means showering and dressing. That takes a bit of planning....

[aim630]

Crystal-61 degrees! I would just be happy for temperatures over freezing right now. I don't think it's been above 25 degrees in the past month (maybe once or twice).

The football playoffs and the Superbowl remind me of the last couple of weeks before Ashley died. The Superbowl was actually the Sunday before she died (on Tuesday). I dread it because it means we will be approaching the first year mark a couple of days later. I've heard the actual waiting & worrying about the first anniversary is worse than the actual day itself, we'll see.

Rhonda-Ashley had a Cleveland Indians blanket her ex-boyfriend (not the one I liked) bought her shortly before they broke up, probably about a year before she died. Although I hate that he is the one that gave it to her, I cover up with it on the couch all the time. It makes me feel closer to her.

Kathy & Sherry-I also like to quilt (machine, not hand), but just haven't had the heart to get into it again. I have a quilt I started about a year and 1/2 ago, that is almost finished. Maybe in the next few months, I'll drag it out again.

Yesterday morning was bad, I did not want to leave the house, but we had to go pick up my (step) granddaughter, Autumn, who is my stepson's daughter. We were also planning on visiting my other stepdaughter Nikki, who is due Feb 14th with her 2nd child. She is one year younger than Ashley, and it is kind of bittersweet to see her moving on with her life, when Ashley's just stopped abruptly. I love Nikki and her son & fiance, but my husband doesn't understand why it kind of hurts to visit them. Ashley actually lived with her for awhile, and was closer to her than her other step-siblings. I went, and was fine while I was there. Autumn was adorable as usual, she will be 5 on Feb 3. She was born the day of my dad's benefit dinner, and a few months later, my step grandson (from Jeff's other daughter, Chris) was born a few hours before my dad died. I'm hoping Sofia is not born on February 9th, but Nikki is so tiny they have told her they probably won't let her go that long because the baby will be too big.

I don't have much else to say. I will try to post a picture of Autumn, after Katie let her play in her jewelry.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[summergirl]

Rhonda - oh yes, many times I have wanted to go put a blanket on Jessica. There was a song out (can't remember who) but some of the words said "If I lay here, If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world" - I used to want to go do that with Jess, just go lie with her, forget the world, covered with a warm blanket....Oh the things our minds deal with.... I am glad that you have Westley's blanket and that you sometimes hold it....I hope it brings you some kind of comfort.

Sherry - I have not quilted for some time till now. The last one I did was one that I finished for Jessica as she passed before it was complete...it now lies upon my bed - I could not bring myself to start again until we moved here. I am doing a butterfly quilt. It is many squares and I made butterflies in different colors, one for each square and appliqued one on each block. I have put the border on and have basted the the front to the back and now am putting a heart design in each corner of each block and ready to start quilting. It is very calming for me, peaceful and I love taking material and making it into something beautiful. I will send a pic when I am done. I am already thinking of another one I want to do but that will probably be next fall. It is nice to share this with you...thanks

Trudi - love the pic of you sitting there by the water with Mr. Muttley at your feet...you are a beauty my friend.....Glad Mal is spending time with you. Weddings - what a beautiful word, I am happy for you and Dee....

Still so very cold out today and not going to get much better....oh well thats winter.

Barry and Tavian are watching Legend of the Guardians - the owl movie, they are very in too it so it must be good...

To all indigo's please take care and know my thoughts are always with you.....strength, peace and love....Kathy

[ericasmom]

Kathy, that song is one that still stops me in my tracks, I love it and I believe it was done by SNOW PATROL. I always think of Erz when it plays too. The words are beautiful.

I know it is cold at your house, the east coast is dealing with more than we have, we have had some record cold, but you have had it more and with more snow than most years. I would like some of that snow please, but temps back in the mid 20's would be sweet.

Just grading papers as the football teams battle it out. NY looks like the Bears did today, i feel sorry for them.

Amy, cute photo of the little doll-girl. I know that your husband doesn't understand why you feel like not being around some of the girls in the same age brackett, but maybe he should read a bit about how this affects you so that it doesn't drive a wedge in your lives. I know that the SuperBowl is a mark of time for you, and we are all here to hold you in our hearts as you face that one year mark. I do believe the anxiety of the date is worse leading up to it than the actual day itself. Nothing easy about angelverssaries however, so don't feel badly that you are struggling with it. We all do.

[ericasmom]

"Chasing Cars"

We'll do it all

Everything

On our own

We don't need

Anything

Or anyone

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time

Chasing cars

Around our heads

I need your grace

To remind me

To find my own

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told

Before we get too old

Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am

All that I ever was

Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where

Confused about how as well

Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

[ericasmom]

[ericasmom]

Okay, now I am crying, that song is one of the best. And Trudi, they are from Australia I believe. I have several of their CD's. All of the songs are delightful, but that one? That one is a masterpiece, touching my heart in ways that mean so much.

[shorty16]

Sherry

Grossbeaks are plentiful in this area in the Spring - they migrate through. The only grossbeaks I know of are the Rose-Breasted Grossbeak and the Blue Grossbeak - each of which are beautiful birds- about the size of a Robin. However, their beaks do not cross at the tip - the beaks are very large and can crack nuts other birds cannot. I agree with your naturalist. That is the same reason some geese are not migrating, because they can find food in the area. Also, the grossbeaks are so beautiful, I can see why people would go out of their way to attract them.

How fun that you went bird counting.

Go my Birding friend, Go

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest msnher]

Dee - Last night I dreamt that you and your husband came to stay with us for a weekend. You were a speaker at some kind of conference. I had clean laundry piled up on the guest bed and so you AND your husband folded it for me. You were both very gracious and kind and we all fell in love with both of you and we were very sad when you had to leave. In my dream you never made me feel bad because of the laundry or the noisy house. In my dream both you and your husband treated us like we were very special and you were blessed just to be with us. In my dream you both made us feel like we were the most important people in the world right then. I woke from my dream with a lightness in my heart.

It's odd because I have never met you or John and I don't really know what either of you look like, so in my dream, while I knew it was the two of you, I never got a close up look at your faces.

Anyway, it was a very sweet dream and I bet it was right on the money describing the kind of people you are. You are welcome to stay at my house and do my laundry any time you want!

Amy - I've only had one angelversary so far so I don't really have the experience to comment. For me Steph's birthday was much more difficult than the angelversary. I don't know why that was. We went out of town for Stephanie's angelversary, but we had to rush back on the actual day to be with my grandson who had fallen in a camp fire. The mourning and remembering of Stephanie's death was replaced with gratitude and relief for Little Curtis' life and that his burns weren't as bad as they could have been. Ashley's angelversary is just around the corner. I don't think we have a lot of control over what our emotions go through during this time. The lead up to the most horrible day of your life. Be gentle with yourself.

I just drew a blank.

Peace. Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah: I thought I had a pic of Dee and John from the reunion, but it isn't with my pics. If anyone else has one, they could post it. Here is a picture of all of us:

from left to right:

Bonnie, Marcia, Trudi, Colleen, myself, and Dee. John was taking this picture. Notice on the left, just behind Bonnie, the butterfly shape that is grown into the tree trunk, and on the right, clearer in the picture below, is the heart shape grown into the spilt of the tree trunk...we were surrounded by our angels, for sure...

I loved your dream by the way, and from just having spent a couple of days with Dee and John, you are right on in your perceptions.

Amy: I loved the pic of Autumn...she is a cutie, for sure. So nice that Katie spends time with her. If Sofia happens to be born on Feb 9th, perhaps eventually it might be able to be considered a gift of love, to be treasured; a tempering, sweet essence to this day of sorrow for you. It may take you a long while before you can feel that way, if even you ever can, but perhaps it is something to keep in your heart. We are holding you close, as you approach this day, and will be here for you.

Dee: Thank you for sharing the song...it is really beautiful. I am glad you got to go on your walk, and as usual, glad that you shared your walk...I feel as though I was there with you, minus the being cold... Your dream had my heart thumping...I can just imagine the anxiety you felt. So glad it was just a dream.

Speaking of cold, and minus, it was minus 10 when we woke up this morning. BBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Wind chill was supposedly minus 30 or so. I feel so bad for Cathi...her big old house has burned almost 300 gallons of oil since the first of November...I so wish she could get a new furnace. She has a big, old, ugly, monster of a converted-from coal-furnace, and I think most of the heat goes out through the walls and the roof!

The talk about the blanket and putting one on our angel's memorial stones...oh yes, the thought I think passes through everyone's (here) mind...irrational as it may seem to others, to us it's just one of those thoughts that walk its way through our mind, stemming from that broken part of us.

Trudi: I too love the pic of you on the rock with Sir Muttley...and the pics of Mike's place...the water is pretty high, isn't it. And I totally understand about the "bit of planning" it takes just to get dressed and ready to go out. Pj's and slippers are #1 on my list, though I too don't like to be housebound for too long.

Sherry/Kathy: I have never quilted, though I've sewn some...Ralph's mother used to quilt all the time and we do have a couple that she made. I did some pictures on cloth a while ago, (quite a while, actually), intending to put together a quilt for Sarah with pics of Mike and her and the kids. There it still sits. I have tried to figure it out a couple of times, but my brain is not functioning enough I guess to take on something so new and so seemingly complicated a task. Maybe I will look around for a class. I did make a lot of clothes for the girls when they were younger...I even made a couple of shirts for Mike...I really enjoyed doing it back then, but I was a stay-at-home mom then, and it was a fun thing to do. I was very fortunate in that I got to stay at home until Kim was 15, Cathi was 12 and Mike was almost 5. Once I started working, things like that took a backseat.

Betsy: So nice to have you back. I hope your computer stays in operating condition now...hope Lorri is back and up and running soon, too.

Well, Damon is here today...too cold for his other grandmother to walk to the school to get him, so I drove over and picked him up and he is here for the day. So I will go and fix his lunch and then we can play.

Take care everybody, and stay warm. thinking of you all, as always.

love to all, carol mikesmomrs