Loss of an Adult Child

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[ericasmom]

Sus, glad that you went to school today and spent a lovely lunch hour. How nice for all four of you, a lasting warmth should feed your souls.

I like the renewed faith story Karen, thanks for sharing. I have seen some miraculous transformations and passings, and I have only had my faith strengthened by them. There are indelible memories written in my spirit as I witnessed and was part of the dramatic good byes to Erica and years later to her Daddy. Each time, so many signs pointing to what so many of us believe.There is no denying that we leave escorted by the dear ones that went ahead of us.

Michelle, let us know how the flooding affects your family, and Trudi, I think that you are farther south am I correct? Be safe.

Betty hope that you are well, I know that you are taking care of things and not near your computer, so just know that we love you.

Betsy, a rough time date wise, my thoughts.

Rhonda, hang on Dear, there is no easy way through this upcoming date.

Michelle, same for you.

[Bensmummy]

Sus ...I woke to see your message here and I am in tears...what an honor you heard me and you listened and if I have as it seems advised you well and you found some healing even just for a little while ..my heart swells with gratefulness that you had that bit of joy. You sounded so terrible sad and I just wanted to reach out and help as with all of you here. It would be an awesome get together if we were all in the one place. A real HUG FEST lol. Im struggling today too. One more sleep and Im feeling like the blood is pounding in my ears...anxiety attack coming on I think and guess what first thing in the morning I have a important meeting with executive bosses to do with my employment as Im been handed the reins for a whole year and legged up a position while the person goes into some sort of course in another state of Australia. Oh please let me concentrate tomorrow ..I then have a workshop with young teens ..then I get to do my hot air balloon release for Ben at 5:20 pm the time he was born 27 years previous. I need to remember tomorrow to just BREATH! Man I need to breath right now..it weird Im just doing little short breaths and my chest feels tight and I want to cry and Im anxious...hell I need a hospital..LOL no it just feels that way .

My girl is still okay though the state of Queensland which is North eastern of Australia is in terrible trouble. The loss of life ..mostly seems to be children . some are whole families and the number yet unknown. Brisbane a city of 2 million people and still the waters are coming. Some areas like my girls are okay at the moment but the rain is not stopped and worst to come. Australia economically is in deep shite now...my food bill is goint to go way up as this is a major source of food area for us and the northern of western Australia in the food area is also flooding. What no Banana's??? says my husband and the kids...that is the least of the worries.

ok I go Breath now and make a little jewelery piece out of aluminum tin cans..Art and God they save me...hugs hugs for you and you and you ..Michelle

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigo's - as usual lately I am so far behind in postings I do not know how to catch up with all...please know that I read each one though and all are in my thoughts.

The BIG snow storm is on its way tonight, they have already cancelled school for tomorrow so a snow day for Tavian and I...They are saying possibly 18 inches by tomorrow afternoon - Tavian of course is very excited so I guess that makes me happy too. I do not think we have had a winter like this one in some time.....very cold and more snow already then usual.

Today I got home a bit early and turned on the tv - Ophrah was on and I could not stop watching it !! There was a man and wife on there talking - The wife was driving her car with their 3 children in it, one boy and two girls, ages 2 1/2, 4 and 6, they were hit from behind by a truck and all 3 children died, the mom survived - This happened about 3 1/2 years ago. They talked alot about the pain, the things that people say (the stupid things) and basically all of the things we talk about here. Anyway, a few days shy of the first angelversary of their 3 children the mom gave birth to triplets - a boy and two girls !! Ophrah said "that is a miracle" and I thought how true.....it ripped me apart to see this couple talking of losing all 3 children and then they bring out these triplets and they are almost identical to the ones they lost - miracle indeed !! Anyway, I just wanted to share.....

I hope tomorrow I can post a bit more as I will not be working so hopefully can catch up with you guys - feel as though I am losing you all !!!! Prayers and Peace, Kathy

[quellsmom]

Thank you all for the love and support, and the prayers especially. I just can't seem to get anywhere near faith. I am often amazed at the people here. Quite capable of love and encouragement even while weathering their own earthquakes as Westleys mom put it. As much comfort as I have here, I also wish I didn't have so much company. I wish no one ever had to feel this way.

[aim630]

I feel like I can't catch up either, and I keep losing posts.

Leah-my heart breaks for you and your daughter. I hope that you can take comfort in the fact that JaBoa's little sister saw the angels take JaBoa. I wish I could do something to ease your pain.

Michelle & Rhonda-Thinking of both of you as you both approach some difficult days this week. Hugs to you, Michelle on Ben's birthday. I think the dread of Ashley's birthday approaching was worse than the actual day itself. I think the same will be true about her angelversary next month.I understand about how hard it is to stay in the moment with the people we still have here. Sometimes I feel like I am betraying Ashley by focusing on my husband and other daughter, because Ashley was the one who really needed me. Then I realize what if something happened to Jeff or Katie-I need to give them some of my time. Sometimes I feel like I am just existing, not really living. I hope your daughter is safe.

Rhonda-I feel like no one (especially at work)remembers what I was going through last year at this time. I relive those weeks leading up to Ashley's death over and over, and wish I could change something. I'll be thinking of you Thursday.

Susannah-such wise words from Mariah. I'm glad you got to eat lunch with the kids. I'm sure that really made their day! Sometimes I am filled with such anger myself. I just don't understand what is wrong with this world.First the shooter deliberately points at that little girl, then that so called "church" is going to protest at her funeral! I can't even fathom being so cold-hearted. There are some truly evil people in this world.

I know there was more I wanted to respond to/comment on, but it is snowing a lot & unfortunately, we don't get snow days, especially when I have a payroll to get out this week. I'll need to leave early-I really hate snow!

Goodnight all,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Good night All, sleep well. Be careful in the snow and the rains and be good to yourselves, there are some very loving Angels that insist on it. Let them tuck you in tonight with sweet thoughts of how they love you.

[Guest msnher]

I got so engrossed in the Arizona tragedy and then grabbing Stephanie's death certificate by mistake that I totally forgot about the flood in Australia and the angeldates and birthdates.

Rhonda, Michelle, Betsy and Trudi.....holding you all close in my heart!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Oh. One thing that happened yesterday. After staring at Stephanie's death certificate and feeling the breath sucked out of me, I said out loud, "Stephanie, I need a sign from you. Please send me something."

Then, trying to divert my sadness, I googled funny pet videos. The first one I clicked on was a group of pet videos to the background music "It's a wonderful world" by Louis Armstrong. One of the songs we had sang at Steph's memorial. My immediate reaction was to click the video off and start to cry in pain. Then the thought, whispered, in Stephanie's voice, "Mom, you asked for a sign, receive it." I took a breath. "It is a wonderful life, Mom."

I forgot all about that, too.

[mikesmum]

Have been watching the stories of tragedy unfold from the floods to the North of us. Phrases like 'inland tsunami' bring a chill. So many lost so many more missing. Water raging without notice, idiots that think swimming in the deluge is 'fun' it so hard to hear.

Have spent the day with Em Caleb and Muttley just doing bits here and there.

Tonight I am bone weary. We went to the beach to watch the sunset. Tears welled as my breath caught. Thoughts of Mike flooded my mind. Em and Caleb were taking pics of the scenery, unware of grandma's meltdown. As they made their way back a family asked if I would like a picture taken with 'my children'. I thanked them for the compliment and posed with the grandies.

We are back in the house, Em is making cards, Caleb watching UP. Its the first time this week I have begun to feel lost again....missing Mike, his voice, his smile...and knowing all the while its been 4yrs since I last saw him.......

[rlolheiser]

Good morning to all

I am doing somewhat better today, I just get so lost in trying to grasp this tragedy over and over again. I tell myself to be realistic, but I dont know what that is. I can see this situation from so many different ways, but I can only feel it as one. I lost to me a precious part of my life, a little girl that was nothing but goodness and sunshine. The ripple effect made me lose so much more. Losing my daughter over and over while she searches for something she can't find. Each time I think I find her, I lose her again while she waits for this scum bag boyfriend to get out of jail. So all I can do is wait, and miss, and mourn. I watch mom as I try to protect her from the beginning of the lawsuit, cause I dont want to hurt her anymore than she already is, and in the process I watch my own life and marriage and wonder what I am doing to it. It is precious and I have so much to be greatful for. I just miss the one thing in life I cant have back. So I look for her in everything I do.

Trudi, I hold you close as you go through these days. It hurts to be in a good place and then slide into sadness. I imagine you walking your grandies, and Muttley.. but your never alone on those walks.. Mike is right there with you. I dont know a lot about things, but I feel that more than anything. I have seen some videos of people watching the waters.. Unbelievable.. I would be petrified.

Susannah, I am so glad you went to the school to have lunch with your girl. It sounds like a nice time. I keep telling my son I will go.. but seems there is never the right time. Been thinking though.. there will never be a right time. Just do it, and I have too.. thanks for sharing with us.. Yes, JaBoa didn't want to leave me, it haunts me yet. I hear her voice all the time, Don't let mom pick me up grandma, take me home .. don't let mom pick me up... I always wonder what would have happened if I would have taken her home, but that again is the world of what ifs, I have so many of them.

Amy, thank you for the kind words. I hope you can continue to focus on our family, I have a feeling that is what Ashley wants. Our angels want us to continue and want us to take care of our loved ones. Deep down I think they are right along with us while we do that, I know I lean on my girl to do so much.

Kathy, I hope the storm is kind to you and Tavian has a good storm day. Stay warm and safe.. I hate winter

Michelle, I am glad you and yours are safe from the waters.. I pray always for the families, it is just to devastating. I also pray for your strength in the upcoming days, I am not sure what time of day it is there.. or when your Thursday starts.. but in case I miss something.. I am thinking of you, closing my eyes and seeing Ben's baloons.. It is a hard day, and I know you miss him, may he party in the Heavens with all our angels!

Karen, thank you for sharing your story of faith. It gets hard sometimes for me to find it, but God usually bops me on the head and I remember.

Rhonda, I am thinking of you, I wish there was a way to get out of that dark place, but it will come with time. your not alone, It seems like such a lame comment that time will help, but it does. I don't think we will ever heal, but it becomes a part of our life that we learn to deal with, I am so sorry you have to deal with it, Westley, is with you always..

I guess.. mom is up so I have to go.. 27 below yuck.. that isn't windchill.. Stay warm and safe my family

[Crystal16]

We all must be having struggles this week. I woke of feelings of despair, I also play the “what If” game in my head over and over. I read every ones posts and it breaks my heart that so many of us are on this journey. I find that when one person is angry or when anxiety has loomed over us we all can relate at one time or another. We go through different phases but all the same emotions.

Michelle/Trudi- I’m glad you are safe. I pray for the families that are losing so much.

Susannah- What a beautiful sign Stephanie blessed you with. I’m always crying out to Ashlee asking she send me something to know she is near.

Amy- Sometimes I feel the same way I can never catch up on the discussion but just coming here and reading brings some type of normalcy to my craziness.

Jaquell Mom- Be kind to yourself God knows your heart.

[ericasmom]

Oh Leah, I love winter but if i lived where it was so consistently sub-zero, I wouldn't like it one bit. Sorry it is so cold, that would certainly curtail any activities for me. I am holding you close.

Lisa, I love the photo of Quell and his friend, so playful and fun. He is a handsome guy.

[Guest msnher]

Good morning Indigo's;

I don't have anything to share I just want you all to know I'm thinking of you.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hoosiermom]

Hello Indigos

Rhonda--there are two days in the year that I will not work--July 5 (angelsversary) and September 22 (birthday) In fact, I take the whole week of July 4 off, because I was on vacation the year Bri died, so that whole week is nothing but milestones for me (her death, viewing, funeral)

There's a little more to my story than I have previously shared. It's not so much about me or Brianna, but, anyway.....seven months after we lost Brianna, my oldest daughter's stepbrother was killed in an accident. This was her stepbrother by her dad and stepmom, but they married when my daughter was very young so this boy was her brother, if you understand what I mean. (We've never been big on using step or half, they are all just brothers and sisters) Titus was 18 and just a few months shy of graduation, he was a popular, athletic and energetic young man. It was a total shock to the whole community. It had snowed that day, the kids were out of school for a snow day, and Titus could not get his little truck stopped, it slid into the path of an oncoming train. His angelversary is February 9, 2010.

I have a good relationship with my ex and his wife, so this was a devastating loss for me as well, coming so soon after Brianna. Titus even came to Brianna's funeral and hugged me. Both kids were handled by the same funeral home, and they are buried in the same cemetery. So every day, when my first thought is of Brianna, Titus is soon after, and I like to picture them in my mind hanging out together in Heaven. Titus is teaching Bri how to play basketball and taking her fishing. I can picture him with his arm slung around her shoulder, his crooked grin, saying Hey she's hangin' with me, we'll see you all real soon

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you, especially those who have angelversaries or birthdays coming up.

Peace and love to you all, Jenn

[Crystal16]

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord

Please pick a bunch for me.

Place them in my daughter's arms

And tell her they're from me.

...Tell her I love her and miss her,

And when she turns to smile,

Place a kiss upon her cheek

And hold her for a while.

Because remembering her is easy,

I do it everyday,

But there is an ache within my heart

That will never go away.

[ericasmom]

Jenn, I am sure that you are right, Titus and Bri are more than likely hangin together, he is the big-bro, I am so sorry for your double loss. Titus died like Eri, a train on car accident, not the same circumstances but still. It is so alarming to my soul some days that something so big and powerful ran into her, my little girl.

My thoughts with you Jenn as you move forward.

[Crystal16]

Dee/Jenn- My heart grieves for you both the thought of a car/train accident breaks my heart.

Prayers for peace today...

[westleysmom]

Jenn-I was thinking maybe I was a coward, because I'm pretty sure my husband will work tomorrow, but he runs his own business and his guys can't work if he doesn't work, so its different. I talked to my friend Susan on her Andrew's angelversary (Jan 1, 2011) and she told me not to dread it (If possible) because when it comes right down to it, every day is hard, and every day they're gone. So I'm going to take the day off and see how it goes. I'm so sorry for your additional loss, but can also picture Titus being the big brother to Brianna.

Kathy-Enjoy the snow day and I hope that Tavian has a good day out of school. What am I saying, if you're out of school, its got to be a good day!

Leah-I don't even want to know what the windchill is if the temp is 27 below. I hope that you don't let the What if's drive you crazy today, although heaven knows I usually spend a lot of time on those myself. Its just easier said than done. Even if we have a lot of others to live for, it seems empty without the one who is missing. I try to remind myself that anyone can be gone in an instant, myself included and we should live the life we've been given fully every day. Its just so hard, as you well know.

Trudi-I can fall apart pretty much undetected which doesn't say much about my everyday demeanor, does it? Sorry for the surprise meltdown, sometimes they just happen. Hope that it gets better in the flooded areas soon and no more lives are lost. I know you and Betsy have a tough day coming up too and think of you. The whole time period last year from the 13th, when we got the call, to the 17th, when we finally got to have the service (had to be rescheduled from the 16th because the ME wasn't through, big ass-kicking over that, courtesy of yours truly), to the 19th, should have been his 21st birthday. It still all seems like a dream, you know? A freaking nightmare.

Michelle-Thinking of you as we approach the 13th. I think you said you got some rest, but can't see that far back, so I hope I'm remembering right.

I"m not much good for anything today, but most people have no idea why. Thank goodness it is a slow time at the office. I think of you all everyday Dee, Bonnie, Colleen, Greg, Dan, Betty, Betsy, Carol, Lynn, Susannah, Lorri, all other BI friends

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[mikesmomrs]

Rhonda: I agree with Karen...not going to work shows that you are aware of your needs and are willing to meet them. If I were still working, I would still not be going to work on Mike's birthday or angelversary...and I didn't the two years I was still there after he died.

Karen...good luck with getting that car out...those days are long in my past...we have a guy come to plow, and I will have to go out and brush off the car enough to move it...Davis usually does that, but he is not here today.But, I can't get out to it yet...our front porch is under much snow, right up past my being able to open the door. I have pushed some aside in case of emergency, but my plow guy will come and clear it when he gets here.

Jenn: I too am sorry to hear of the loss of Titus...and I agree, also...your sweet Brianna and Titus are hanging out together for sure.

Leah: I feel like a whiner when I complain about the cold here, when you are dealing with minus 20 something! I think the coldest I've ever been in was 12 below, though have been in wind chill colder than that....not for long though, as I headed for the warmth of the house. That picture I had posted of Ralph filling the bird feeders was actually taken in '02...we didn't have that much snow here, until today, that is!

Susannah: I love the sign that Stephanie sent to you, as well as the whispered words. Steph is close to you and her babies, always. I love that you went to school to have lunch with the kids...they will remember that always.

Trudi and Betsy: Thinking of you both...holding you close in thoughts and prayers as you wend your way through these days.

Michelle: May Ben surround you with his sweetness today, hold you in his spirit, and fill your heart with the good memories of the days he was with you here on earth.

love and hugs to all

Carol mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Cyrstal, what a pretty poem, thanks for sharing. Did you write it? I think that your Girl will know that you wish that you could give her a hug and a kiss, she knows how sad you are. As far as taking the day off from work that is significant to your Loss...Eri died in the summer and so I never had to make those arrangements, but I am pretty sure Rhonda, that I would take that day off if I was in school session during her date of leaving. Eri's birthday is in April, and I go to school on her day but sometimes we are on spring break. On her day, my class each year decorates her tree that sits in the park space that is wihin our school boundaries. They sing to her some years, and I take photos of them with the spirit of ERI there with us.

[ericasmom]

BEN BEN BEN............................Somehow Sweet Boy, smile so broadly on your Mum and your Siblings that they feel the warmth from you, let them know that you are in the room, brush past them causing a gentle stirring, leave them beautiful messages that are beyond a reasonable doubt, from you. Give them a sense of your love and peace. Happy Birthday Sweet Angel Ben.

[westleysmom]

BEN BEN BEN-Surround your Mum with your sweet self and let her feel your love on your first heavenly birthday. She loves you so.

Michelle-Thinking of you and hoping that all went well with the meeting at work and the balloon release in honor of Ben's birthday. Sometimes it seems that nothing will ever be right again, but I pray that isn't true for you or any of us. Don't forget to breathe, and never forget that you are not alone. Peace to you friend.

[Guest msnher]

Ben hold your mother close to you today! Love you Michelle.

[Bensmummy]

Its the day....and Im alive and though feeling like a truck is parked on my chest Im breathing...ok thats good because I have a really important meeting in a couple of hours. Thank you all for your thoughts of my boy Ben today.

Rhonda my heart goes out to you on this day ... Just let yourself be today..dont over think anything, let the words and thoughs tumble around in your head. I find if I try too hard to distract myself or fight the grief I just make it worse.

I actually feel literally sick, grief is a very physical thing too isnt it?

I just got a message from my daughter and she is okay, didnt even get her feet wet though I told her to keep her floaties on [the little blow up arm rings you put on babies]

I will carry your lovely messages with me today to fortify me and keep me moving forward as I handle this huge work load day...Oh and Rhonda I dont want to go near work at all Im with you but the meeting has been set up with people from another city so I dont have a choice. If I had a choice I wanna stay home....xxxxooo Michelle

Ben loved red and black his favorite colours. He was a paint ball champion for our state and really found his comfort zone playing this game. He was a laugh and he was whatever the situation needed him to be. On his own he was very much in his own space. He called himself the Silent Knight...loved to be secretive.

I cant write anymore...not today its too hard...but he was just My Big Ben I love him and I look forward to seeing him again. Your now 27 years Ben and thats it you will remain forever young. I know he would like that ..LoL

Read about Ben here a beautiful tribute from one of his friends http://davidsobik.wo...0/08/04/starks/

[aim630]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Ben!

Thinking of you today, Michelle. What a nice tribute from his friend. I know today is so hard, but I hope you find some peace thinking of your sweet boy. I was able to take Ashley's birthday off last year, but I won't be able to take off on her angelversary because I have payroll that week, and we are all swamped.

Jenn-I'm sorry to hear about Titus, he died on the same day Ashley did (2-9-10). We were in the middle of a snowstorm and I was the only one visiting her at the hospital at the time (we all thought she was getting better). Of course everyone came when I realized what was happening. I remember us all driving home at midnight in the terrible snow, just speechless because we were all in shock. I'm so sorry you had to experience this loss so soon after losing your precious Brianna. I'm sure he's there, just as you said, with his arm around her.

Rhonda-my heart will be with you tomorrow. I am glad you are able to take the day off. Please try to remember all the good memories of Westley, and the impact he had on his friends. We are all going through this nightmare together, and sometimes that is the only thing that helps, knowing I am not the only one going through this. You will be in my thoughts tomorrow.

Since last Friday, 5 kids in this area have died. 3 in car accidents, and 2 young sisters in a house fire. There just seems to be so much loss. I hate to think of these parents going through what we have.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Crystal16]

Michelle- I pray you feel Bens love all around you today more then ever. Happy angelversary Ben I hope your familiy feels your warmth especially today. Send a special sign to your mom letting her know your around and loving on her.

I agree with you too Michelle grief literally makes me physically numb and sick to my stomach.

Dee- No I did not, I came across the poem and it touched my heart and I can so relate to the heartache that mother feels.

To all the North East Indigo's, Carol, Karen, Leah stay safe and be warm.

[summergirl]

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN - MAY YOUR MOM FEEL YOUR PRESENCE ON THIS DAY AND MAY SHE ALWAYS FEEL YOU NEAR....

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigo's - it was a nice snow day today...Barry off too so the 3 of us home together. We went outside and Barry and I cleaned the snow away from the 3 vehicles and had a snow fight with Tavian....alot of laughs and silly fun stuff...just what we all needed. We tried to build a snowman but the snow was a bit too fluffy but had fun trying. Tavian was looking at the birdfeeder and found a small sparrow caught inside of it - he and Pop-pop opened it up and waited for the poor little thing to find its way out....Tavian wanted me to tell you all that he saved the little bird....

I don't have much to share - still in that mode - hope it passes soon. I am going to try to post a few pics from today and also one of my hubby "before" he lost all the weight.

Love to all of you, always in my prayers and thoughts, Kathy

[hotrod]

[ Sweet Silent Knight

Happy 27 th Birthday Ben

Touch your Family with the warmth of your love

[ericasmom]

Tavian Dear,

thanks for rescuing that sweet little sparrow. She needed to get your attention, you must have a good eye, well I know you do because I heard all about your work on the baseball field. I hope that the day in the snow with MiMi and Pop was fabulous and that you sleep like a log tonight knowing that you are loved by so many folks, all around the world.

Love,

Dee

[ericasmom]

Betty, so glad to see you here tonight, I hope that you are well and that your Sis is doing okay. I know you received some snow, but not as much as the last dump.

Carol, did you get slammed. I know Boston sure did. Karen, how close to Boston are you?

Hope everyone is well.

[hotrod]

Dear Dee and all my Dear Indigos

How I miss you. My heart hurts knowing I cannot connect daily as I did before. I am able to sign on for a brief time each day, read, absorb but am not able to respond in a supportive way.

I could not let a Indigo angel Birthday pass by without taking a moment to homor that angel.

I have such fond memories of each and everyone of the Indigo angels It is such a gift to be a member of this beautiful group. I am enriched by the warmth, love, compassion and humor that I find here each day.

Sis is doing well her childen are worried and have requested I be around for a few weeks to make sure she has come back

Thanks for being here I hope to be back soon

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[nicksdad]

[ericasmom]

Thanks for letting us know how you are Betty, we all kind of figured that you were assisting your Sis and we know that it is difficult to be away from the normal everyday of your life. You are giving so much to Sis and her Kids, they all must be quite grateful. We are with you.

Rhonda, as you sleep tonight and wake on the 13th, I hope that you will feel the intense love from Westley as he must feel from you each day. This day marks a sad, the saddest kind of memory and for that, I weep. I so wish that you never had to know that there was a website where parents meet to find unity after the greatest of all losses. I wish that WESTLEY wake you with a great and deep sense of his peace and his light. I hope that throughout the day, you are touched by moments of HIS presence and that you feel free to talk to your Son. I wish you signs and symbols that allow you HIS Grace and HIS Light. Blessings and my shoulder if ever needed.

[quellsmom]

Crystal- I wonder , but thank you

Dee - That's me in the picture with Jaquell, always such a goofball

Ben send your mom some love today...........

[mikesmomrs]

BEN...BEN...BEN...

Send your mom huge doses of your sweet memory...remind her of the good times, the smiling times...help her to know that she will have those always in her heart, until you meet again.

love and peace,

carol mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Westley...Westley...Westley...say his name...remember him, always...

We are with you, Rhonda, holding you close, sending prayers for strength. Know that your sweet son's spirit is always close to you...always with you.

love and prayers,

carol mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy: congrats to Barry! He has done a wonderful job! Glad you all got to play in the snow today. Hoping to take the boys snow-tubing this weekend. Likely will be crowded, but that will be okay.

Dee: We got about 16", with some drifting across the front of the house and out back. Our plow guy came and his wife was here to help him, so she shoveled off teh front porch. The kids got a snow day today, of course, but it was just too awful for them to go out in it. If we get to go snow-tubing this weekend, it will be lots of fun, as the hill will be packed down really good by then.

Dan: The picture for Ben is just awesome...you are so sweet to put it together.

Betty: So nice to see you check in...glad to hear your sis is doing well. I am sure they are glad to have you stay...when Kim stayed those extra weeks for her dad's surgery, it was such a blessing, for both of us.

Lor: You doing okay? Betsy?

Have a good night everyone, though likely most are asleep by now.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[Bensmummy]

The picture done for me of Ben is just so special. One of the most special things that has happened today along with all your beautiful thoughts and wishes for me. Its about nearly the time I ring Ben every year on his birth time now...and I cant but Im okay. I dont feel him so much around me but I do get a wonderful sense of peace and I feel he is very safe. Always feeling this and it raises me up when I feel deep despair and loss.

So I didnt cry today just had a wave of nausea when I awoke and remembered then I gathered my self and though he wasnt far from my mind and never out of my heart..Ive been just fine, even a bit chirpy.

I hope his girlfriend doesnt ring me as I dont want today to be about her so much today where Im consoling her...nope this is my day and I can do with it what I want. So I choose to be strong and happy and joyful at the birth 27 years ago of a beautiful though very blue baby boy. He didnt breath and ended up in intensive care for 4 days. He was gorgeous .. a chubba bubba.

Rhonda I am with you too. Make this a Wesley appreciation day...remember the things you always appreciated about Wesley and maybe make Wesleys favorite cake or do something that is for Wesley. I made some more felted rocks for Ben in his favorite colours to put out at his burial place. Maybe this will be too hard and you just want to do absolutely nothing but turn your thoughts to him at the joyful times...try not to relive THAT DAY 1 year ago...face forward dear one and think of the things you will say to him when you see him again. You Will!!! Oh how I wish we could be nearer to talk and have coffee in real time. Im going to have a iced chocolate...its hot here...and raise my glass to Wesley and my boy Ben,

To Wesley for all you were and all you are and all you will be yet! To Ben ..I will see you again buddy and pal of mine..all in Gods good time..till then I Live in eager anticipation of our reunion. Love Mum xxoo

[nicksdad]

[ericasmom]

WESTLEY WESTLEY WESTLEY

May Love and Peace somehow fill your Momma and Dad's world today, letting them know you are with them and that you are the gentle wind, the breeze through the trees, you are ever present in all that is beautiful.

Westley, saying your name and smiling after you.

[ericasmom]

Dan, as usual, your tributes are gorgeous and from your lovely heart.

Lisa, you are kidding me, what a young pretty Momma you are.

Michelle, so glad to hear that you have faced Ben's birthday with such grace and strength, juggling the many things that are also important in your life. I bet that he is very proud of his Mum. Happy to hear too, that your Daughter is on higher ground.

Carol, what fun if the winds die down, be careful out there.

[hotrod]

Westley, Westley, Westley

[Bensmummy]

So here I am at the end of Bens day. I did get all weird around the time he was born 27 years ago and I laid down and actually dozed off for a bit. I woke up and went and phoned his mobile number and it messaged me with "this phone is switched off " I laughed as Ben you just cant switch off...then I went to his Paintball forum and wrote what I couldnt say to him there I wrote a tribute to him...

Starks [silent Knight] turned 27 years young today

27 years ago I received a precious bundle of absolute mayhem and joy as many mum could have. He didnt grow up he bounced up and off the walls and into as much mischief as he could. Big Ben as I call him was a red head curly chubba bubba with a smile that melted you and a frown and a glare that flamed you on the spot. Im writing this now at the time that he was born ..every year I would take him out for lunch and then a movie. When he turned 19 years I didnt think he would want that anymore ..he rang me and said well where's my birthday lunch...LOL! The following year I think a certain lovely lady had his undivided attention {Tammie your the best of the best} so I didnt get a call but I would call him on his special day at about this time the time he was born and just say hello tell him I love him..Mother stuff. I rang his number just a few minutes ago and well it says this number is switched off..I laughed when the hell has Ben ever been switched off! I have a sense of peace as I know he is safe and not gone forever..I dont believe that for one minute. So here I say the words that I cant tell him via the phone and here dear readers is the place that I know he loved so so much Paint Balling this is where he felt he belonged he found his space in the world right here. Paint Balling is the sport the friends the game the everything that I saw my boy grow beyond teenager into a man. High spirited unstoppable totally random at times in a good way always Ben...So I love ya Ben I am proud of you all the more for what you achieved all by yourself ..I missed not having you around much before you had left us so suddenly but man oh man how much more I miss you now. I miss the roar and the rev of your bike passing my house and even the occasionally Mono you pulled for my entertainment and mild heart attack! Hes so very special a Unit of his own and just irreplaceable. Loving you, Mum xxoo Ben your just "Too Lovely" So paint ballers if your having a drink tonight ..please have one for my boy too in his honour.

I felt relieved as I needed to say something to someone about the boy and I thought I know I go to his favorite space ...Paint ball....then I cried a little and I said to my husband "One year ago I spoke to him via the phone and he hung up on me the last time I actually heard his voice" and my hubby said the next time you talk to him he wont hang up or walk away..he will be just as you had him before he got mixed up with a bad crowd and he will just be happy to sit and talk with his Mumma. Yes he will and on that note I close this day firmly behind me and move forward into the next day as every day is a day closer to that special talk we will have..God promises he will restore our loved ones to us...and god cannot tell a lie...amen to that.

For the special people here that have angelverseies or birthdays coming up for the first time especially...Dont live in dread of it ...Embrace it! I learnt that today..and I will take this lesson with me for every birth date and days that Ben fell asleep and is in gods memory..I will embrace those days and continue my journey with my husband and children here beside me....Ben is safe!

[Crystal16]

Westley, Westley, Westley shower a rainbow down on your mother and give her peace today let her know your all around her.

[Guest msnher]

Westley, Westley, Westley....saying your beautiful name. Hug your mom and dad tight today.

[kmb22]

Westley..Westley...Westley we light a candle in your name. I pray you find a way to shine your love on your Mom and Dad today and show them you're always with them. Rhonda, Holding you close today and each day to come.