Loss of an Adult Child

[nicksdad]

Karen...The Facebook page is great looking. I really like the dove picture.

[nicksdad]

This is Christmas setup....Day - Night - Snow (all solar lights)

[ericasmom]

Dan, so pretty, so beautiful, I think that Nick must brag about your work.

[ModKonnie]

I noticed a few of you were talking about Facebook. Grieving.com has its own Facebook page. There are lots of people there who don't come here. We'd love for you to go "like" our Facebook page, and feel free to leave your loved one's facebook link on our wall if you'd care to or share your story. If you have Youtube video memorials, give us the link on our Facebook page--several people have done that.

ModKonnie

[ericasmom]

Going to bed, so very tired. What a day, what a week, the kids so high on the upcoming holiday break mixed with many days of wind chill so no outside time. Well let's just say it has been loud and boisterous and LOUD! The holiday sing went well, and our class party was filled with good food and games all put on by parents. A big success. I will miss the little urchins but will be glad to have some down time. Uncle B. came over for dinner tonight, it was he whose wife passed away a week and a half ago. He was in pretty good spirits tonight, ate well and seemed to appreciate the company. John (husband) is dear to Uncle and visa-versa. I love him too, glad to have such a man in my life. I know he aches though, like we do when someone we love leaves.

Sleep well everyone, may it be a good dream night. There is a bright moon smiling in on us, not full but just days away, so pretty.

[kmb22]

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[Guest msnher]

Dee - I'm so sorry about the loss of your aunt. I must have missed that post. Quite selfish of me. How nice that he and John get along so well and enjoy each others company. Your hubby, like mine, sounds like a real gift. Are you out of school for the Christmas break? Our kids break begins on the 22nd and they go back on January 10th. They have pajama parties. We've had the kids for almost two full years now and the first time, two years ago, they told me they were supposed to wear their pajamas to school I said absolutely not. I felt so guilty (and curious) when I saw all the other little kids show up in their jammies. Do you guys have pj parties? I've never heard of it before. The kids love it and of course I let them now....they even take their pillow and favorite blanket.

Modkonnie - thanks for the info on facebook. Another space cadet moment, but are we changing sites again or is that just for the facebook link? Something switching on January 1st.

Nick - I love, love, love how you have decorated Nick's plot. I expecially like how the angel looks suspended in air above his headstone. So much love and tenderness for your dear son.

Amy - Out of the mouths of babes...."I don't want the taxes, I just want the pencil." Don't we all...LOL Wow, kind of freaky about your friend and the tarot cards when you were 11. Does she still do readings? I've never done anything like that. I have one friend who is a registered nurse and practices Native American spirituality. Sometimes she says things that blow me away. But, mostly it's her wisdom and serenity that attract me to her. Actually she's very soft spoken and doesn't say much. She's always smiling. I love her so much. I'm not psychic at all. Not in the true sense of the word. Back in my churchy, bible preaching, Jesus lovin' (I still love Jesus) days, our pastor told me I had a gift of revelation. That's the closest I've ever come to being told I have any gifts. When I told him sometimes I know things he said it was the gift of revelation. When I told him sometimes I see things, he said it was the gift of revelation. When I told him my grandfather, who had died when I was 5 yrs old, came to me in my first foster home when I tried to kill myself at the age of 10, he told me it was Satan. Totally erased his credibility with me. The pastor's credibility, not my grandfather.

My friend, Becky ( the native american nurse) laughed when I asked her if I was psychic and of course her answer was no. I told her about my experiences and she told me that everyone has those, just some are more open to receiving them than others. I'm just more vocal about it all. If I ever see or hear from your Ashley, I promise to tell you immediately. You do the same if my Stephanie ever introduces herself to you.

Deep sigh. I just got one of those "I miss her so much" feelings. The kind that catches your breath for a moment as your mind wanders down memory lane and you realize it will be a long time before she picks me up from the nursery. (read the ealier posts for reference)

Well...I must get sleep.

Love to you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmum]

Dan - Just imaging Nick and the group checking out what you've done. Something about a white blanket at Christmas that sets the scene.

Sun broke through today - walking with Sir MD through the local 'farmers markets'. Beats the heck out of department stores this close to Christmas.

Spent the last afternoon making Christmas Cards, yes from scratch with my own hands. Even made the envelopes. Calligraphy has many facets. I made the cards for Melissa and Steven. The will contain vouchers for them to take a break later in the year.

Tomorrow we are off to another farmers market and then an ecclectic market at a little town called Kongwak. I kid you not.

Thinking of you all as Sir MD and I walk the sands as the sun sets......Trudi

[mysonrich]

Good morning Indigo’s, an early morning visit to see my friends at BI. My computer isn’t repaired yet so I use my aunts for now.

Last night we attended the holiday concert performed by the Philadelphia Orchestra with the Mendelssohn Club Chorus. I’ll have a picture later. I love all types of music and thought this would be fitting for the season. The attire for the evening was dressy but not formal, even some casual, so I didn’t have to have to dig out my gown. (Yeah, right) This is the first time I have enjoyed the beautiful sound of the harp in person.

After silently crying during the first song, I don't know why I do that. I had a feeling that this concert was where I was supposed to be. almost as if someone was telling me to remember the good , the reason for the season and that Rich is close , with a front row seat.

I realize how hard the holidays are for us all. I find myself crying at “strange” times, places. Avoiding young men’s clothing dept’s…that area, I walk by as if I have blinders on.

Ok, I catch up reading in a bit.

Betty, a beautiful memory of little Stephen.

Dee, enjoying the season with Jon?

More later.

[Guest msnher]

Amy - My use of the word "freaky" in what I wrote to you last night made it sound negative. I didn't mean it that way. I meant twilight zone freaky because of her ability to make such an accurate prediction at such a young age. I hope your friend is able to bring you some peace and comfort concerning the after life.

Betsy - I would love to put on a gown and go to the Philadelphia Orchestra. It sounds like a magical experience. Even before Stephanie died certain music made me cry. At the rodeo when the riders carrying the flags come in with the spot light on them as they ride around the arena and the rest of the stadium dark as the announcer reads the poem about "Old Glory" and then we all stand for the star spangled banner and the huge American flag lowers with the spotlight on it.....gets me everytime.

Trudi - I bet your Christmas cards are just beautiful. Surely better than store bought any day of the year!

It's still cold here but at least we don't have the humid cold like so many of you. I probably already told you this. We moved to Wyoming from Las Vegas NV almost 28 yrs ago, the middle of February. It was 45 above in Vegas the day we left and 40 below when we arrived in Casper. Not fit for human habitation. I wouldn't live anywhere else now. Just love it. Not being cold. I don't love that part.

Peace to all of you.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I am in a big hurry I am taking a group of under priviledged children tot he Big Apple Circus .

Can only talk for a few minutes

Dan The Holiday Decorations for Nick are so very especial Thanks for posting them

Betsy I am so glad you attended the concert I do find that Classical music touches my soul and makes me cry good I know Rich was there with you.

Karen I am also happy you attempted to use your Guitar The song you spoke about I did not recognize but it was lovely

Rhonda Westley ordering Whiskey is so special and wonderful I am sure we could all come up with such funny stories Some Day

Trudi Good luck with your cards Please post a sample here

Konni I would not be comfortable joining BI on Face book I think this site is more private and I feel safer here.

Have a blessed day all

[daveydow1]

Hello Indigoes-----I have been having a lot of trouble with getting to BI lately,, so I want to check in before

something goes wrong....... .

Dee----I know that you had a cold which hung on for quite some time......now I , too, have that same thing. Have had it

since Thanksgiving......goes away for a short while, then comes back......out of the blue. I guess it just has not gone

away completely. Weather here is settled in to being just cold.....BRrrrrrrr.

Betty------Thanks for your kind words. This weather sure does not lend itself to being good for visits to the cemetery.

It's always so very cold and windswept there. Stay warm. Peace to you, friend.

I've missed a lot of posts.......trying to catch up. Peace & tranquility to all here in the BI Family.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ModKonnie]

Susannah,

Our Beyond Indigo Facebook site is shutting down on or around Jan. Nothing to worry about here. (Isn't moving a bummer?) We have opened a new page Grieving.com on Facebook. Be sure and "like" the new page when you go there. I'd love to see it get to at least 100 "likes" by the end of the year.

Thanks for asking,

ModKonnie

[daveydow1]

Betty----Oh, What a nice thing you are doing for the underprivileged children's group. I'm sure they all

will just LOVE the Big Apple Circus. Peace to you.

davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[westleysmom]

Betsy-Oh yes, the young men's department. I have to keep myself from going near there if at all possible. It brings tears as fast as anything. The concert sounds lovely, I enjoy harp music, but have never heard it in person either. You could borrow something gown-y from Betty, I bet she has a gown that would work next time you go!

Amy-Ashley sounds as much of a cut-up as Westley always was. Those memories help, but they hurt too. Maybe someday there will be more help than hurt, and then only help. At least I hope so.

Dee-Enjoy the downtime. You deserve it. I may have missed the post when your aunt died, too. I'm so sorry for your loss so near to the holidays.

Betty-The Big Apple circus sounds like a real treat for the kiddies. Bundle up and have a good time.

Dan-Love the decorations. You always have such great ideas.

Trudi-My family and friends are lucky to get a Christmas card from me in a good year, which this is not one of. I'm sure your's are beautiful and special.

Karen-The verses that we don't know as well to songs sometimes have the most profound messages. Thanks for sharing those with us.

I"m sure I've missed somebody I really wanted to say something to, but need to get going. We have Room at the Inn for the homeless people tonight at church and I'm supposed to make lunches for tomorrow. Gathering up all my supplies and I keep buying baking stuff! I'm not sure if I'll be able to make myself actually bake Christmas cookies, but I'll be prepared if I get the nerve to. Thinking of you all every day as we make our way through "the most wonderful time of the year", or so they say. Take care all and stay warm. Trudi should have no trouble with that last one, but you know what I mean.

[ericasmom]

Thanks Rhonda and Sus and Everyone, Serina was not my aunt but the wife of John"s uncle (husband John, not son) and while they married later in life, she was golden to him. Serina died the same day as Elizabeth Edwards.

Betty, have a blast, what a great thing to do for the kids and for your own spirit, lovely.

Sherry, I was thinking the way your cold came on that it sounded familiar in a bad way, take care, it just really hangs on and morphs into new and different symptoms. Watch the throat though, strep is going around at my school. Stay warm, drink a hot-tottie.

Can't stay on, meeting sisters and nieces for my sis Eileen's 61st birthday. My dear Sis. I had writing group this morning after the gym so I am home very little today. I will check in tonight. LAte.

dee

[shorty16]

Indigos

Karen – You are so talented to create and populate Shawn’s face-book page. Brian’s friends created on the day after he died. It took me a while to find it, now I make sure to post to keep the site open. Great job you did.

Carol – My friend – How is the North East doing? We are just really cold. Not a lot of snow. Hope you are keeping warm – I am sending warm thoughts to you.

Susannah – 16 below – now that is the temperature – not the wind chill right? WOW – we had that overnight a few times. Stay warm my friend.

Crystal – Hang in there my friend. Right now it is one breath at a time. We have all been there. The utter dis-belief of it all is what gets me.

Dee - No Christmas tree this year? I guess the only reason we have one is because of the kids and we are trying to make this Christmas normal. Did you decorate at all? I am surprised at the number of homes with lights on them this year – many more than years before.

Christina – We all have a broken heart, yours is so new. Ours had had time to form a scab, but WOW, when that scab is hit or is ripped off – we go right back to that time. We are hear to tell you that it does get better – hard to believe, but it does. – Hang in there

Betty – Sending love to you in the City of Lights. NY gets pretty cold also, How’s the weather by you? Yesterday, many people went to Lambeau Field in Green Bay WI to shovel out the stands for this weekend’s game.

Lorri – Love the photos you post – Thinking of your daughter Kourtney and the endless smiles we see.

Trudi – Back at the Beach? What a lovely place. I hope you enjoy the pictures of my area when you receive your package.

Sonya – So glad to see Danielle’s face when you post. We miss her and you

Rhonda – Renewing your vows. It is really wonderful that you have a real soul partner to share in this grief process. My husband is also my soul-mate and he hurts just as much as I do. I am happy for you and your hubby

Kathy – You hard-working lady you, Jessica is smiling down on her Momma and saying “put your feet-up Ma” Hope that you have some time off during the Christmas season.

Beth – I am so happy when I see Zachy’s face. I really appreciate the text messages also. You know there is such a thing as battery-heated socks. We should have invented those.

Amy – I read your post about your dream with interest. I am happy you were able to have an “experience” with your beautiful daughter Ashley. Our kids are always by us. We just have to pay attention.

Leah – I have also driven around, because I needed to get out of the house. That is perfectly normal (unless both of us are insane). There are so many emotions running through us at one time. Hard to sort them out.

[Guest msnher]

Carol - 16 below without the windchill. Keep in mind we don't have the wet cold like you all do.

Karen - I just watched all the videos of Sean except for the one with friends. I'll watch it later. You did an absolutely lovely job. Did you put the video's together yourself and pick the songs? So perfect. So heartbreaking and so much love! How's his wife holding up as the holidays approach?

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[nicksdad]

My sister posted this on Facebook, I never saw it before..

(YouTube Video)

[mikesmum]

Dan - should have come with a warning.....tears, ache in the heart....Miss you my son my son.

This is Billy Thorpe. An Aussie rocker who passed suddenly from a heart attack. I grew up on Thorpie. His guitar talent, song writing and connection are forever.

Over the rainbow - Take me there now.......please.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcA452pem4Y

[lolynbo]

THIS IS THE POEM I THINK IM GOING TO PUT IN THE CHIRSTMAS EDITION PAPER FOR KOURTNEY WHAT DO YAL THINK

ONE CHRISTMAS WISH

I guess if I could make just one Christmas wish,

I would wish I could see you.

To hold, to snuggle, to just kiss,

This is something I'd really like to do.

My arms ache for my baby Girl,

Who will always remain just that.

To never grow and experience joy,

I wish I knew where you were at.

Why is it God thought he needed you more than I,

And why is it wishes can't come true?

I am just an aching heart who can only ask why,

And a mother who can't let go of you.

Please God grant me this one Christmas wish,

If just for a minute, an hour or a day.

She is someone I really need & miss,

What more must I say?

[aim630]

Lorri-That poem for Kourtney is beautiful. I have the same Christmas wish...

Dan-I am sitting here crying after I watched Christmas from Heaven. I also loved the time and effort you put into decorating Nick's gravesite. You are very creative.

Susannah-Don't worry, I did not take your comment the wrong way at all (about it being freaky how my friend predicted that). I just think some people (and you are one of them) are so in touch with things the rest of us can't see. I wish I could see what you did.

Rhonda-Ashley was very much a cut-up, like Westley. Most of our funny family stories involve her in one way or another. She was truly the life of every party. We just have to cherish the memories we have, but it is so hard to think of the good things right now. The bad thoughts keep crowding their way in. I also start to feel guilty when I do laugh. Hopefully, with time, that will get better.

Karen-you did such a great job on Shawn's facebook page. Maybe after we get through this week I will attempt something like that for Ashley.

I need to wrap presents for the grandkids, something I really hate doing (wrapping presents), and especially this year. Katie does most of it, I just cut the paper.

Goodnight all Indigos

Amy/Ashley's mom

[mikesmum]

Lorri - Perfect.

Well, I've packed the last of my Calligraphy away for now. Placecards for Christmas dinner done. The taller slim cards I made for vouchers, the others were practice.

I feel somewhat exhausted yet peaceful. This afternoon as I worked the rain fell incessantly. The 'Celtic Women' special played....it was truly beautiful.

Some of my 'work'.

The Soft Goodbye that none of us wanted to say......

[ericasmom]

Exhausted but peaceful sounds like a good place to be Trudi. Your work is gorgeous though I had no doubt that it would be. Truly gorgeous. The Celtic women will have to sing to me tomorrow, I must sleep now, but thanks for that, I will wake to thier song/

Dan, I did listen and cry to the song you put on, thanks so much. The words do reflect my belief system as well.

Trudi, what a great rocker Billy thorpe is. Thanks Sweets.

Sleep must happen now, talk to all tomorrow. Sweet nights.

[kmb22]

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[mikesmomrs]

Well, I feel as though I've been gone for a month...I have posted a bit over the past few days, but this cold has me so far down...all I've wanted to do is sleep. I am finally awake, but now I can't stop coughing. Dry, hard, hacking cough...I hate it...it rattles my ears. Need to have Ralph get some honey tomorrow. Fever seems to be gone, though, thankfully...Ralph said he thinks I've slept 20 out of every 20 hours since I first got sick. Today I was awake for most of the day. The house is a mess. My energy is a big fat zero! He managed to get a few ornaments on the tree today---maybe we can combine our efforts and finish it tomorrow. Mostly, I want to get Mike's wreath put together...everything is gathered, I just need to do it! The light at his site has gone out; will need to replace it. New batteries haven't seemed to do the trick.

I know I will get better, eventually. It is just so darned hard to be sick around this time of year...the emotions run high during these days, and physical illness has always lowered my emotional defenses, so things are magnified even more than ever.

I've seen everyone's posts over the past few days, looked at the pics, listened to all the music...thanks, everyone, for sharing.

Dan---Nick's site is beautiful...and (before the snow) showing the greenest grass of all, after all your hard work).

Karen, I did sign on to Shawn's FB page, but haven't had stamina to sit and look at it yet. I am sure it is beautiful, and I will view it soon. I know what you mean about the creation of something like that being healing and comforting...I spent many, many hours in the middle of the night, creating Mike's memorial pages...it was incredibly healing for me...I could "talk" about his life all I wanted...I never had to listen to the "sighs" or see the "rolling eyes." Pictures, stories, music, all came together for me and gave me a place to be every night when sleep would not come...a place that gave me more comfort than I could find during the day. I am so glad this has been good for you to do.

Dee: Glad you are going to get a break...it's funny, when Damon doesn't get to go outside, he is antsy even after we pick him up, but when they "do laps" as he calls it, he is relaxed and normally energetic, but not frenetic. The teachers and kids benefit, I guess. Glad you got to go out with your sisters and nieces. My sister Dorothy's birthday is in December, also...the 27th. She will be 83!

Trudi: the Celtic Women...so beautiful, so soothing. And your work...just incredibly awesome...your table will be beautiful! I'm sorry the weather there is so iffy...perhaps by Christmas things will settle into the regular summer weather for you.

I am so sorry for all of the indigos who are experiencing their "firsts" this holiday season...it is so difficult to imagine, and even more difficult--nearly impossible--to prepare for. We just have to open our eyes in the morning and try to make it through the day til we can shut them again for the night...if we can. That first year was numb for me, and the only thing that moved me forward was preparing Christmas for the grandkids. Otherwise, the only thing I likely would have seen was the inside of my closet door. But, like the words on Dan's link stated, we must continue to honor those things that our children loved about this holiday...it is difficult, very much so. But, as time wears on, it seems a little softer, more memories come forward that comfort...interrupted by those that rip our hearts out...but then we calm down and another "soother" will come through our hearts and into our minds...Betty, loved your memory of Stephen running into your arms. We pick up Damon on Wednesdays, after kindergarten...he does that now...bittersweet, but like all here, I am blessed to have the memory.

Yes, as some have mentioned in recent posts, I truly believe that we have all been led here by our children, who are definitely friends. When John Holland came to our Compassionate Friends meeting last year, one of the first things he told us was that all of our children are friends, that is why we are with each other, knowing each other, comforting each other. At the time, I remembered all the times here on BI that our children being friends has been mentioned, and my heart jumped at the "second opinion." They are there for each other, just as we are here for each other.

Betsy: I am glad you enjoyed the concert...and of course, Rich was right there with you.

Susannah, I loved your description of "seeing" our angels...surreal, but affirming...thank you so much for sharing. And yes, I do believe that Mike has a very strong "connection"...he was always a very strong force in life, and I think he has continued that. When we would have a discussion about something...he truly loved a good debate...I would tell him "Mike, you would argue with God...you would try to convince Him He should have done something differently." I am sure if it has been possible, he has indeed tried to do that! I know that may sound blasphemous or crazy, but my thoughts have taken many strange turns since Mike left this earth.

Betty: God bless you for the work you are doing at Christmas for those less fortunate...they are blessed to have you in their lives. Stephen is so very proud of you, and I am sure is with you every step of the way.

Leah: I hope you are able to carve out a few minutes for yourself...you are in such demand, and I hope your family will give you some leeway these trying days leading up to Christmas day.

Colleen: Yes, it's been cold here, but since I haven't been out all week, I've not had to deal with it. I am sure our house gas bill will reflect it, though.

Well, I am going to try to get some sleep...for the past few days, sleep is all I've done, and now when it is sleep time, I am not feeling it. Wish me luck.

sending love and hugs to all...Bonnie, Marcia, Crystal, Beth, Chris, Amy, Kathy, and all those I've not mentioned...you all are always in my prayers.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[Guest msnher]

Karen - Yep - 40 below a night or two February 1983. I don't think it's gotten that cold again. I still don't think we get as cold as you all do. Wet cold is colder than dry cold. IMO

Carol - It was good to click on to Mike's face this morning. I'm sorry you're still not feeling well. I hope it's not turning into bronchitis. The house work will wait for you (unfortunately) you just keep resting. Personally, I don't think Mike arguing with God is blasphemous at all. I think God loves an honest heart. There are a few things I have quit asking God about, but I certainly intend on continuing the conversation when I know I have his full attention. Maybe by then I won't need to ask.

I loved the video, too Dan. If I'm correct, that was Ann Murry singing Silent Night, was it not?

Another sick night. Sheese, I just can't quite pull myself out of this unhealthy slump. There is nothing medically wrong with me, I just plain don't feel good. I haven't since Steph died. I thought my heavenly visit would snap me out of it, but it hasn't. I am taking a lot better care of myself, including a vitamin plan, but I can't seem to snap out of this physical slump. The visit has boosted my morale 100 % -- but physically not so much. I'm still sick, just easier to be around. I'm 52. Perhaps all those years of not taking care of myself are catching up with me. I thought I was so invincible. Consequences. Yuck.

Peace to each of you,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Carol, love the avatar you are using. Beautiful. I am sorry that you are still under the weather, but boy, it kicked my butt too back at the end of October and most of November. I was not exhausted the whole time however. Three weeks though of very tired and coughing hung on a long time. HONEY indeed, lozenges, warm water and lemon...You know the drill. Extra vitamin C to boost the immune system. Damon is like my students, they must get exercise if they are to have that self control and impulse cotrol that we NEED them to own. Give him a hug from me.

Sherry, you and Carol are about at the same place in this cold. Be mindful not to overdo.

Sus, not feeling as you once did might not be not being well. Though my age definitely has changed my energy level. I was 47 when Erz died, now 54. Menopause and grief are a strong punch. I have less energy than I once had. You also have 3 young ones, which would zap Mary Poppins. If you are taking Iron, talk to the doc, those of us that are on this end of menopause don't need iron adn in fact, iron can build up in women of our age and be detrimental.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

The Big Apple Circus was fun the children loved it and that was most important It is a small set up and each seat is perfect They had goats riding on the back of small mini horses . There were little dogs jumping thru hoops The clowns were cute, funny and not scary. The acrobats both male and female were very talented and it ended with a high flying trapezes act. It was a 2 1/2 hour show and well worth the money Best of all we got there an d back without one tear or loosing anyone

Rhonda I know how difficult this time is for you and know how hard it is to go past the Men's department in the department stores I too feel the emptiness as to the person I would want most to shop for I do the same in the supper market especially this time of year. Your dedication in reaching out to the poor is so touching I do hope your Room at the Inn for the Homeless Dinner was a success. I sometimes think that NY has the corner on the homeless population but I see how wrong I am.

Dee I hope you and your sister , Eileen had a grand birthday celebration. I know that there were many sisterly re memories that touched your being I know that Eri was right there laughing with you

Trudi Loved the music and do believe that " Somewhere over the rainbow there is a land that we dare to dream and that someday " Also Celtic Women and yyour calliigraphy was beautiful. I lnow that all our precious Indigo angels will be with us and we will be holding each other and smiling and all our troubles will melt like lemon drops Thanks for the lovely music

Lorrie I loved your heartfelt poem I agree have it published.

Dan I a also loved your rendition of Silent Night The production and the words on the screen were powerful I held on to the thought "Hold on to the Good Memories Life is too Short for Strife" Thanks again

Sherry I am so sorry that you are having trouble connecting I know when I could not get on it was difficult for me to handle Hope you are taking care of you because I know how you dressed up for Halloween and you no doubt will try to entertain the grand children as well this Christmas. Be well

Colleen Yes it is cold in NYC but I do bundle up Boots, hats, layered sweaters gloves etc So I am OK I hope you are taking it easy with your new holiday traditions.

Carol Please continue to care for yourself You will have a busy Christmas I know

Amy Hope you did get those presents wrapped I use decorative shopping ags and tissue It is much easier

Karen Shawn's face book pages are lovely but I do understand the pain of going thru all the pictues for one times saying there willbe no more and why did not I take pictues each day of his life

I know I am in the "If only" mood

Sus I just came from the Doctor and was told everyone is now becoming Vit D deficient So am on double dose of that Please take care

Betsy, Leah ,Marcia, Bonnie ,Kathy Chris, Beth hope you are OK Would love to hear

Did everyone see the announcement from Konnie about a Holiday Chat Can we agree to a day and time we can be avail to just Light a Christmas Candle and Say their name? I would like it. I could do Tues or Wed night anytime

Off to church Have a Blessed Day

[ericasmom]

Betty, sounds like a perfect day all around. I am so happy that it worked so well. Dinner last eve was with Mary Anne and Laura, Eileen and Kate, and a niece Erika and Mara. All Moms and daughters and I was there with mine. My Eri was ever present both in conversation, laughter, and hijinks. Laura took a sip of her beer and the end of the glass completely fell off, which was hilarious, ridiculous, and we all said, " ERI!" Mothers and Daughters.

Lor, put the poem in the paper. It is a lovely tribute to the heart that beats in your chest.

[Guest msnher]

Lorri - I forgot to comment on your poem. It's lovely and should be printed.

Dee - Oh my! Did Laura get all wet? Eri is sure good at letting you all know she's there. Keep up the good work, Eri. So glad you all had a good time. My doctor told me to take more iron, but I'm not. I take a multivitamin with extra C and I take B-12 every day. I also am now using a progesterone cream. I've always been a walker and have loved my walks. That ended when I hurt my knee four summers ago walking down the four mile trail in the Tetons. Dumb, dumb, dumb! I did not have the proper shoes. I knew better.

Konnie - I read the post about a holiday chat but I didn't see a place to reply. Doesn't mean there wasn't one, I just didn't see it. I think it sounds like a marvelous idea. I am hesitant to commit because I don't quite know all our holiday plans, yet. But, I would love to drop in and out if that's acceptable.

Hey, not to be controversial or gossipy, but for the sake of conversation....for all you outdoorsy people (I used to be one) Did you get a glimpse of Kate Gosselin on her camping trip with Sarah Palin? Politics aside, even with my body falling apart like it is, I would gladly "choose to be homeless" (Kate's words) to go camping in Alaska with Sarah Palin and her family. Just bundle up good, take lots of ibuprofen, get the fire going and sit in one of the most beautiful places on earth. I would just cast my line and be happy. I would never check the line. Experience has taught me nothings ever there anyway besides some moss or a sucker or carp. I am the blacksheep fisherman of the family.

Talk to you all soon.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Sus, were you iron deficient? My two docs said that once done with menstruation, we are not losing iron so infact, should not need to take iron. Most one a days for woman over 50 should not include Iron, as far as my homeopath doc and regular doc feel. Always check though with your doc. Could you do some therapy for your knee? My knees definitely are way less able to do what they used to do. Can't sit crosslegged ever, and sometimes I do the elipticle at the gym in a backward movement as the trainers there said those with knee issues do that. The warm water pool is also a friend to my sore back and aging knees. But my fav thing is outside walking, and boy, in the cold we have had lately, it is bundled up walking to be sure.

Be careful out there.

Betsy, the night of music sounds beautiful. I am so glad that you were able to take part in such a pretty place.

I have not shopped well this year, just no rhyme or reason this year. Usually I have some innovative ideas, not this time. Oh well.

Leah hope you are well, Beth same to you. Greg, be well, Bonnie, love you. Claudia, happy Christmas.

[ericasmom]

http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Solstice+eclipse+first+years/3983582/story.html

Cool article, all about the upcoming solstice and eclipse overlapping event.

dee

[Guest msnher]

Cool article, Dee. Thanks for sharing it. The doc didn't say if I was deficient in iron he just told me to take it. My iron's always been low...it's a family trait. I just eat more beans and/or peanut butter. I assume with all the irregular bleeding lately, he just wanted to be safe. I thought I was dying. Seriously. I'm not. I was so embarrassed.

[mikesmum]

Well the weather here has turned quite stormy. We now have gale force winds and the rain has just taken a well deserved rest. They say we will have warmer weather next weekend for Christmas...here's hoping.

I'm heading back to the hills today. Not my original plan, but I have done everything here I needed to. The House in the Hills still needs much done to bring it together for the 'family' Christmases.

I realised this morning why the beach is my solace. Its not that I'm healed or that I am have reached a place of acceptance, its more that my sadness, my missing Micheal, my smiles at a memory are not subjected to the 'rolling eyes' as Carol puts it. Here there is nothing but who I am now, no struggle to be who I was.

I also realised, yes a real aphiphany morning, that I miss not only Micheal but all that went with him. The jibbing of siblings leading into the holidays. They always seemed to know what was best for each other, regardless of what was happening in their own lives. The underying unspoken bond that would flash should anyone else challenge or wound their sibling.

I miss the bear hugs - the 'whatchadoing' when I answer the phone, heck I miss the calls.

Today I will pack Micheal's ashes and take them with me to the hills. He needs to be there when we light our candles for our Family Christmas. He will travel with me as I return back to the beach in a weeks time. He travels in my heart always.

Well, the tears won't stop. MD looks confused, it is his walk time. Here I can walk the beach without being asked is anything wrong......

Carol and all who are not feeling physically well, I hope you are able to rest and rally.

To those facing that first Christmas, no words will ease the ache, but it will get softer.

[daveydow1]

Betty-----The Big APPLE CIRCUS sounds just great, and I'm sure all the children loved it. I'm doing a bit better now...with this

lousy cold.. the grandies were here Sat. p.m. thru sunday p.m. Becky sent their warm outdoor clothes with them (boots, gloves,

hats, snowpants etc. ) and they wanted me to go out with them, so I was feeling a bit better, so I said "what the heck".... They

made 'snow angels', and I showed them how to play FOX & GEESE, (as we used to call it )......make a big big circle in the snow

by walking around...making the circle, then a cross in the middle. Fox chases the 'geese', and the center of the cross is the SAFE

area. They loved it. I took some pics. We made Christmas trees out of construction paper, and 'decorated' them with cutout

ornaments. They had made Christmas stockings out of construction paper at school, and the oldest made a nice gingerbread

house, also out of paper, and gave them to me and Pa Pa. We put them up on the fridge. It was a fun time. I run out of energy

sometimes......(they seldom do ) . I felt a little "letdown' after the kids went home . Won't be seeing them til after Christmas---

they are going out of state to visit their other grandparents for Christmas.

Dee----Sorry to hear of Serina's death. She sounds like a very nice person.

Trudi-----Thanks for the video. I don't know of Billy Thorpe's music, but he is a real talent, and his untimely death is sad. I do

like another Aussie..........Keith Urban....( and lovely Nicole Kidman ). I've always thought the she & Keith are much better suited

to each other than Nicole and Tom Cruise. Also, Love the Celtic Women music.

Lorri-----Such a nice poem you wrote......from the heart.

Dan----thanks for the pics of the decorations for dear Nick's grave.

Karen----Thank you for the get well wishes. I am better now......(hope so, anyhow......as everyone that has had this 'bug' knows.....it has

a way of coming BACK ......I hope not). I agree with you, that the emotional turmoil that we all go through at this time of year, especially,

can hamper the immune system's effectiveness, and make us more suseptible to stuff going around. Take care, friend.

Carol------Oh, I hope that you are feeling somewhat better by now. Yes, it can be difficult to shake off, and wanting to sleep is a big part of

it,....although some would say that sleeping needs to be a part of the recovery process. I, too, believe that all our angels are together in

heaven. Good to hear that the speaker affirmed that also. It is indeed comforting to know that they are all there & are friends, just as we,

here on this side are friends. They are nearby to us......in a parallel realm......they know we love them always.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Crystal16]

Hello all,

I am not posting much but stop bye to read often.Thinking of all of you during this upcoming Christmas week.

[mysonrich]

Thank you Crystal.

Betty, Good game.” Eagles Stun Giants on Game’s Final Play". I am a Philadelphia Eagles fan, watching the NY Giants play in a stadium in New Jersey. Yes. This all makes perfect sense to me!

Sherry, sounds like a great time. Hope the cold/flu has made its final appearance.

Dee, thanks for the link. Also some great photos at National Geographic of outer space/stars. Stunning!

Dan and Kayla’s mom, both show the depth of your love in the pic’s. Always well-taken care of.

Karen, I had a very hard time with music during the first year. I still haven’t listened to a CD of Richs favorite music that was given to me by his g/f. I think when the time is right I will sit down by the river and watch the river flow and listen to the CD. I have very fond memories of our river place and felt his presence there. Last year I wanted to unplug my neighbors Christmas lights with music. I really could not stand to see or hear the “cheer”. I’m sorry you are feeling this way. We understand.

Lorri, did you write the poem? It’s beautiful.

Beth, so nice to see cutie Zach. Hope you are all doing ok.

Rhonda, how did the lunch making go? What a wonderful project. And the gown from Betty. She probably does but I would appreciated the dress be casual/dressy after working, running home, shower, driving to train station, boarding a train, walking about 6 blocks, sitting/standing…my gown would be a gown no more.

I’ve missed you all. My Aunt was reminiscing last evening. She is 83 so the stories can flow. I do enjoy hearing them most times. Last night she asked me about our Christmas tree hunts. I just started to cry. I told her that there was a time when Rich was explaining to me the area in which his friend had moved. I didn’t understand what area he meant. He said, “ Mom, on the road we would take so the tree wouldn’t fly off the car. The road you could drive slow on”…versus interstate 95…OOHH, that road. Being 83 she didn’t know how to respond. Having all 4 children alive and well, she just doesn’t understand. But, I did tell the story of my Rich and our tree hunting. Sarah too.

Well, I still have not found a cord for my laptop and I don’t want to disturb anyone here.

I’ll see you all later. Always in my thoughts.

[ericasmom]

Yes Betsy, thought of you when the EAGLES took the game from NY. Pretty amazing in the last of the game. Now Colleen, how will Green Bay do against the Patriots in NE?

Sherry, so glad that you taught the kids some games from your own Childrens' lives. Fun one too. Get some more rest, keep making your body too strong for that old germ to hide out.

Crystal, Rhonda, Karen, so hard this time of year, even for those of us not so new to it, so be kind to yourselves, be very kind, the way you would advise another in the same circumstances.

Col, no tree this year, Jonathan has one, it is pretty, and he and Shan have told us to come and sit and enjoy it with them. We will go there on Christmas Eve rather than the other way around. Sweet kinds of changes.

Trudi, may the holidays in the hills glisten and fill your heart in ways you did not expect. May there be joyous revelations.

[summergirl]

Hello my dear indigo's - seems as though I just cannot get it together this year - I miss coming here and writing long posts, interacting with all and now I have just been reading and the words I want to say just won't come. Maybe the move, Christmas coming at me, being sick for so long has just sent me backwards....need to take that step forward and start "again"...don't really know. Tavian is putting a 3-D puzzel together and watching Toy Story 2 and Barry is in his office on his computer. I have spent the day doing things in the house.....I believe I have actually finished the "must do" painting and it looks great.....all other things can wait until after the Holidays. The house is really coming together and we love it, feels as though we have "come home" - wish I could explain it.

I am not ready for Christmas...I could skip right over it but with Tavian I do what I have to do. I will be on vacation starting this Wednesday and will go back after the new year....will be good to be home with Tavian just enjoying. Usually by now everything is bought and wrapped and ready but am way behind this year so I will be off shopping the whole day on Wednesday and maybe Thursday to....just want it done and over.

Lorri - the poem is beautiful....put it in the paper my friend.

To all of you facing a "first" holiday I pray for strength for you....I remember how diffacult it was and still is but a bit softer with time, I am not one of the wise ones here so I really do not have great words of wisdom for you......just let the tears come, do what you want to do and don't let anyone make you feel anything you do not want to feel.....you need to do what is best for you....Prayers

Yes - not having to deal with the "rolling of the eyes" - that would just be so nice. We went to a Christmas party last night and it was fun but also hard when you have the mom's and dad's there with their college age girls all laughing and talking and I am sitting there looking at them wanting to scream becuz my Jessica should be there laughing and talking too.....so as always we are the first to leave and happy when we get home. Tavian did good with the babysitter so that was good.

Well my friends I am going to spend a bit of time with Tavian before his bed time. I will try to catch up with all soon but please know that you are always in my heart and mind, never far away. Kathy

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Sherry I loved your visit with the Grandchildren!!! Playing in the snow with a safe place to land making decorations and Christmas trees out of construction paper what fun it made me "Want to Play"

Dee loved the story of your birthday dinner with your sister and friends The bottom falling out of the glass was priceless Eri was definitely there!!

Betsy what a game I really did enjoy it even if my team lost It does feel like am Alice in Wonderland World wt a NY team playing in NJ an everyone thinks that is normal. Hey how did you and Rhonda know I like wearing dresses> Actually I wear long skirts and sweaters and long dresses They are warm and I feel comfortable in them . Loved the story of Christmas tree shipping with Rich I smiled and remembered one of my favorite Christmas tree story too. It is so good to connect ghee because the re memories sustain me.

Trudi I am glad that you are brining Michael with you to the shore Yes he should be there at the candle lighting even though I know they are all in our hearts but at times we need the physical I too miss the entire ambiance of my old life It is gone forever the voices, the hugs the cheer the fights the fear all gone MY new normal does not embrace any of those old happy times It is hard.

Carol Oh my you do sound so ill I know Ralph is helping but I hope you both can get enough rest to recover and be able to decorate for the grandies

Sue You have been carrying a huge load for many years Please rest and take care of you Those little angels need you

Rhonda how did the Room at the Inn dinner go Did cookie s get baked?

Dan, Greg, Beth, Leah, Karen, Crystal, Chris, Lorrie, Kathy and all Indigos stay warm

[shorty16]

Indigos

I have a question for you (I already know the answer), but I need to ask it anyway. "When you get Christmas cards with pictures and notes about loving intact families, doesn't it make you sad?"

YES, YES and YES.

I told my husband that these Christmas cards make me sad and he was shocked. He could not belive that these cards and pictures and notes made me sad. "Do you expect these people to stop living?" I am suppose to say NO, but sometimes, YES, I want the world to stop turning.

What a difference of opinion between my husband and I on this Christmas Card thing.

Men and Women grieve so differently

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Kathy, right now it is just time for you to take in the changes and enjoy them. Christmas holds enough of the bittersweet so we all know that you are finding your way manuevering as we do. Take care of the shopping so that you can rest again at some point in the break from work.

Rhonda, I do believe I must have missed or did not process a post on the Dinner at the Inn that I see others posting about. It sounds as though there was a fund raiser that you took part in, and I hope it went well.

Betty, yep, Eri was present, making us laugh and take notice. she has a loud presence still, always did.

Blessings all,

dee

[hotrod]

Hi Colleen

In answer to your question "Do these Happy Family cards make me sad " The answer is YES

I do not even display them , I feel that in some way they are insensitive to my loss so I discard them I feel terrible about that but I do

You are not alone

[lolynbo]

AS FOR THE CHRISTMAS PIC CARDS...AS SOON AS I OPEN IT AND SEE THEM, I LOOK, RIP AND THROW...I DONT KEEP THEM...I THINK ITS PROB NOT ON PERPOSE BUT WRONG OF THEM TO SEND IT TO "US".

NO MY FRIENDS I DIDNT RIGHT THE POEM, I SURFED AND FOUND IT ON THE WEB....IM SOOOO NOT THAT TALENTED..

WELL WE HAD KIMMY BDAY AND SKATING WAS FUN, (OUCHY MY ANCKLS)...WENT TO OUTBACK TO EAT...PIGGGGGD OUT...THEN WE GAVE HER THE GIFTS...SHE CRIED WHEN SHE GOT THE CROSS.....SHE SAID SHE JUST TOLD HER HUBBY SHE WANTED ANOTHER ONE, BUT SINCE IT WAS PRICEY SHE DIDNT WANT TO SPEND IT RIGHT NOW..SO WE ALL SAT AT OUTBACK CHOCKED UP.....

REDID MY ROOM...I WANTED TO SHARE A PIC OR TOO TODAY WHEN I GET THE REST LOADED...THIS ONE IS MY ROOM..PAINT KOURTNEY AND I DID....BUT THE BEDSPREAD IS BLACK/GREY UNDERSIDE, CRISP WHITE SHEETS, GREY CURTAINS..AND OF COURSE THE B/W MARILYN PICS AND 40-50 PICS...(U CANT SEE THEM IN THE PIC )...

[lolynbo]

US SKATING AND ME BEING STUPID..

[westleysmom]

Lorri-You are such a ham! But you can stand up on ice skates, so I guess you deserve to ham it up. I like the poem and the room is pretty. I'm glad that Kimmy liked the cross, you're batting a thousand the past few days!

Betsy-Before I posted. I had to go see what happened to the Giants. That was unbelievable! TN beat Houston and Indy beat Jax, so our playoff hopes could still happen. But it will take quite a lot of luck, I'm afraid. I am a hard person on clothes too, so a gown wouldn't last long on me.

Betty-I just had a feeling that you own a gown, probably lots. I am so glad that the kids had a good time with no tears or getting lost. We didn't have a big turnout for the Room at the Inn. I think several churches in the area have overlapping nights that they provide food and shelter and our church is in the country, so many prefer to go to the ones closer into town. We do pick them up and take them back to town, but they can sleep later in the mornings if they're closer in.

Dee-Room at the Inn is sponsored by our church one night a month during Nov-Mar to provide food and shelter for the homeless, but as I told Betty, we didn't have a big turnout. I guess in a way that's good that we didn't have as many needing help. The bottom fell off her beer mug! Your girl parties sound like fun. Eri was laughing along with you all the way.

Carol-Hope you are feeling good enough to get things in order for your holiday company. And if you're not, I'm sure they'll understand.

Sherry-It sounds like fun with the kiddies in the snow, but don't overdo and have a relapse.

Trudi-Loved the calligraphy and Over the Rainbow. I always cry when I hear that song and I loved Billy Thorpe's version. I hope you make the trip to the hills in good weather and get back to the water as soon as you can.

Crystal-Thinking of you even when you don't post and hoping that you are making it okay. Its so hard, isn't it? Harder than I ever imagined, if I ever even dared to imagine what it would be like to "celebrate" without one of my children.

Kathy-Your wisdom does help me, so so much. You have done so much in the past few months, you just don't realize how it helps me to see that we can live again and we have to. Enjoy your time off, even if you have to do last minute shopping. Get a cup of hot chocolate or coffee and take a break if you need to!

Karen-I asked my daughter to make prints of last Christmas pictures that she took. Westley was in more of her pictures than mine and I feel terrible about it. He didn't like his picture made that much, and as his Mom, I played along and took pics of my granddaughter. Of course his sister didn't care if he didn't like his picture made! She made me a book with those pictures in it that she ordered from Walgreens, where it was bound and kind of looked like a scrapbook. So that is the last "new" pictures I will have of him and I know what you mean about there won't be anymore. How can it be?

Susannah-My friend at work had to take megadoses of Vit D before she could start treatment for osteoporosis. That is the new "it" defeciency I guess. But my husband's aunt died from a lifelong condition that she never knew she had where iron wasn't metabolized properly and ruined her liver. So I worry about iron overdosing since that happened, although I'm usually borderline low-iron. I can never donate blood because of it. Anyway, I feel like I've aged 30 years since January 13, so I know what you mean about not feeling good.

Colleen-I haven't gotten many happy family cards this year, thank goodness. But when people talk about their happy family, I do kind of have to just suffer through it. Someone told me recently that their daughters were feuding and had "ruined their Christmas" and I had to tell them that their Christmas wasn't anywhere close to ruined, not even in the neighborhood of ruined. I guess people just don't think before they speak. Or write, in the case of the happy family Christmas cards.

My family did get together yesterday at my Mama's house. I carried the picture and poem that I made for Thanksgiving that Carol had posted. I think Bonnie had it first, about Always Remembered. I set it on the bookcase where you come in the door when I got there. When Mama saw it, I saw her stop and look at it and read it. Then she left the room and went to the bathroom and stayed for a long time. I could tell she'd been crying when she came out. I hated that it made her cry. She has no pictures of Westley in her house anymore. Its not that she's denying him or won't talk about him or anything, but she just can't see his picture yet without falling apart. My sister asked when she was saying the blessing before we ate if anybody had anything they wanted to say, but I kept silent. My husband and I went to the cemetery before we went to Mama's and I talked to him there, told him I was sorry, as always. Made sure the flowers looked nice. And then I left my son in the frozen earth and went to eat lunch with my family. Blessed are those that mourn for they shall be comforted. I don't feel blessed or comforted these days too much. I'm just so weary of the endless celebrations and will be glad when they are over. Well not really, because then we're into January and approaching the 1 year meltdown. I don't know how I would get through this without you all.

[ericasmom]

Love the skating photos Lor, we should all go skating together, I hobble now, used to be fluid. Not so much now. Oh well, aging does happen to take some flexibility away.

I knew Kimmy would love that gorgeous cross.

Maybe it is because of how many years Col and Bet, but I don't hate the cards with the families smiling out. I never made those kinds of cards of my kids, never really liked them for us, but I do not mind and in fact, I feel happy to know that folks are good, that folks look healthy and intact. When I grew up and saw that many families were healthy, not like the icky father I had, I was grateful to know that some families actually were in good shape. It is good for my heart to know that life is going on as it should be even if it isn't here. I don't think I am saying it well, but it serves us all to know that even when our world stops spinning at the right speed, in the right direction, the rest of the world does and one day, we may feel in sync with it again. I guess the best way to color this is to say, if it were us that left, would we want our children to forever feel our leaving as a permanent scar on their ability to find their footing again? I mean if we left when they were young, an unnatural time and all, we would hope and hope that they would find the way to live it well again, just as they must be hoping for us.

It is cloudy and promising snow, but we have just spits while everyone else gets measurable amounts. I do like a good snowfall. Bears vs Vikings tonight on the rock hard playing fields of Uof Minn. All the complaining, what do you think that teams played on before all of the heated grounds and domes? Anyhow, hope nobody gets hurt but it should be exciting.

[mikesmum]

Hi all, just a quick note as I run out the door to 'shop' for the upcoming 'families' Christmases.

Mike and I are back in the hills. A slight detour yesterday when we went to find a tree. Got on on an old farm. They have put half the farm under 'tree'. It was a trip down memory lane. The farm isn't far from where I 'borrowed' Mikes first tree from a forest near our first home. Ahh the simple days of Christmas 1975.

This is our summer...this is our weather....go figure

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/8213932/Wintry-weather-brings-snow-to-Australia-in-midsummer.html

Wonder if someone could re post the Always Remembered poem...brain can't find it.

Love the pics of the skaters, know the Kimmy would have been so moved by her gift..

As for the smiling complete families and the letters that come with cards...well luckily we here just send a card no details. I find it hard, but its more envy of what they still have, what I miss.

Well, Hi ho hi ho its off to do battle at the local shopping centre.

[westleysmom]

Trudi-Will try to attach my version of Always Remembered. I never did a word file attachment before, so cross your fingers. It seems to have worked. This was Easter 2007, the year he graduated from High school. I tried to copy the whole thing so you wouldn't have to open the file to see it all, but the picture won't pull over.

Always Remembered.doc