Loss of an Adult Child

[Crystal16]

Good morning my friends,

Dee- Your feedback and suggestions are truly appreciated the resources you’ve suggested is something I will look into. Ethan has a youth pastor, Tim from church who calls him regularly to check on him and Ethan respects Tim so he will share his feelings with him sometimes. I’ve talked to the school counselor numerous times but I don’t get a good vibe from him and Ethan wants nothing to do with him actually he completely shuts down when the counselor tries to talk to Ethan.

Susannah- Yes, we have the victim’s advocacy available to our family but no one has accepted help wanting to talk to a therapist, accept for myself and I talk to a biblical counselor at church.

My ex is grieving and I’m compassionate with that however he’s always been a selfish A—! He’s always called his children names, putting them down never encouraging them to be able to do something. That is why he is my ex….

Amy, Lorri, Colleen and anyone else I may have missed. Thank you for your suggestions and kind words of encouragement.

[ericasmom]

Crystal, my very biggest hopes and prayers for Tim to help Ethan and for a big helping hand from the school district, they should be providing tutors or assistance of some kind, but speak up, schools won't unless you put on the pressure.

Shelly, thanks so much for giving us some of Sarah's story, your story. Your heart is broken Shell and we here know that men and women do grieve differently, it is inevitable. Make sure that you both respect each others way of grief, that part is tricky. Can you take a leave of absence due to grief for a month or so? Could you work with Human Resources of the Post office and tell them that you need to not be there for the holiday season, that the grief is too overwhelming right now and that the holidays are bringing too much sadness for you to concentrate well. Ask to be off until January 1. I am not saying thtat you will feel like working by then, but it could make a difference and it gives you time right now to just have this time to sit with your grief. It isn't wallowing, it is recognizing it for what it is and how it is manifesting in your life. If they say no, ask if you could be part time for a month or so so that you are getting some time to be alone with this.

My heart Shelly, my hope.

[Crystal16]

Shelly- I understand your hurt and newness to this journey we were forced to be on... today is 9 weeks since my daughter, Ashlee's tragic death. Your Sarah's story is one that was short lived and I understand your pain. Thank you for sharing with your story with us and I hope we can do life together.

[Guest msnher]

Shelly - Thank you for sharing some of your Sarah with us. She sounds like a beautiful woman, inside and out. I hope you will be able to take some time off for yourself.

Crystal - Just sending prayers and a hug.

I had a good cry this morning. It just hit. It does that sometimes. 15 months later still feels like yesterday.

Peace.....

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

PS - The kids and I had breakfast together at school today....part of the book club celebration for "heros". Mariah's teacher assured me I was welcome to volunteer and she promised to let me know if it becomes more of a distraction than a help.

[shellyku]

Ladies - thank you for your replies. I am so thankful I came upon this forum. My husband and I (mostly I) have been shopping

around for grief counseling. We signed up for a group at a local church that my husband's sister & her husband went to (they

lost their 21-year old daughter in a car accident 4 years ago) but we were the only ones in the "group". Then a friend recommended

Compassionate Friends, but my husband admitted he'd rather not share in person. This website is a good fit for me. Have any

of you sought outside counseling or does this website fulfill your needs? I must tell you dear friends of ours lost their 27 year old

son just 2 weeks ago from a drug overdose. What is going on in the world...all this tragedy. My prayers are with you all and I look

forward to chatting again soon! Shelly

[westleysmom]

Susannah-I'm so glad you have found an answer to your dilemma in dealing with the homework/running the roads after school thing. I think that you are doing a great job and I believe that Stephanie does too. I don't know how you do everything that you do so well. Try not to be so hard on yourself and take time for you and don't feel bad about it. SNOW?!! What a pretty picture, but I'm glad its not here! Been unusually warm in TN the past few days at least in the daytime. Indian Summer or is it too late for that?

Shelly-I'm sure Sarah is beautiful and look forward to seeing her picture. I'm so sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed by work. My husband also grieves quite differently than I do. Westley worked for him but on a different crew because they didn't always see eye-to-eye. They were often toe-to-toe however, with me trying to keep the peace. Those memories are painful, but we had almost made it through the toughest part of him growing up, at least that's how it seemed. We almost did a good job raising him and then he was gone. Sarah sounds like a wonderful person.

Kathy-Don't children with Asthma sometimes outgrow it? My husband didn't develop it until he was nearly 40 years old, but I've heard that children sometimes have it and then it goes away. I will cross my fingers that Tav's is that kind of asthma. Has he been at the house when you painted? I know you said he had somewhere to go sometimes while you were working, but a lot of building supplies (treated lumber, carpet, paint unless its that special kind) lets off fumes that can cause asthma to flare up. My husband is a carpenter and the resp. guy told him when he was first diagnosed that he should switch careers (????) That's what he's done his whole life, so he didn't switch careers, but has to really keep his meds going and try to get out of the house to get fresh air when it gets too thick with sawdust and stuff. So be sure to air out the new house especially after the new carpet, etc is put in if its not too cold to do that.

Crystal-I don't have much advice to give you but I'm thinking of you dear. I so hope that Ethan doesn't hear what his Dad said. As I said before my husband and son tangled more than once, it is just the nature of guys, I think. They loved each other and I hope that ex can get himself under control before he damages their relationship beyond repair. He's hurting, Ethan's hurting, you're dying inside trying to keep everyone from killing each other. I hope that some of Dee's and other's advice helps. Hugs to you friend.

Amy-Good to see Ashley's pretty face. I hope I didn't misspell her name, I can't see your post right now and there are many ways to spell it. We are entering uncharted territory here too, the holidays without our babies. I don't know how I will make it through, whenever I try to imagine Christmas Eve night with his bed empty, I almost quit breathing. I'm sure you are feeling it too.

I am off the next couple of days to the mountains in East TN with my daughter and her family. My husband may get to come, too. We weren't sure, but he's going to try. So it will be almost all of us. Except for Westley of course. That is what is so hard, even when we're all there, someone is missing. I can't remember who said that, but I thought it was someone on here. The weather is supposed to be nice, its about a 4 hour drive and I'm going to ride with them to try to keep my granddaughter entertained. She's not a good rider. I'm not much of a traveler anymore, but my daughter planned this up and I'm afraid that I haven't given her as much attention as I ought since January 13. I don't want to take her for granted, I realize now how fragile life is as never before. I hope she doesn't believe that I loved him more because his leaving has left me so broken. Well anyway, I'll be thinking of all our angels as I try to get away for a few days.

Carol, Dee, Colleen, Betty, Betsy, Leah, Sherry, Karen--All I failed to mention, Have a peaceful day and if I don't get back on before Saturday, a peaceful rest of the week.

[Crystal16]

Shelly- I attend the grief recovery support group at one of the local churches, I also speak to our church biblical counselor along with this awesome forum. For me, I needed all three....

[ericasmom]

Rhonda, have a great trip, try to enjoy the scenery and the sounds of the mountains. I look forward to hearing from you when you return. Iknow that you will all be together but still one is missing...he will be there the best way he can now, sprinkling a bit of magic on you and your broken heart.

Shelly, I went to private therapy right around the 6 mnth mark, and that is about when I came here as well. I went to therapy for about 2 years, stopped and began again when I began to have PTSD. So all in all I went for help for about 3 years for the grief issues, and may go back to get some strengthening in the anxiety department.

Love to all,

dee

[summergirl]

Hello dear indigo's - thank you for all the advice on Tavian. We saw the doctor again this morning and she said he is just a touch better with breathing but it will take 36 to 48 hours to see a real improvement, we go back to see her on Saturday. Yes, I am hoping that Tavian will outgrow this, many children do. I am still nervous about the whole thing but a tiny bit more comfortable today. He is being so very good, takes his medicine and does his nebulizer without a problem. Rhonda - I too thought about the new house and him being with us as we paint, etc....usually when we are there he is in his room with the door closed but the fumes and dust still travel. I thought about maybe him wearing a mask while we are there but not sure how he will deal with it. He slept fine last night and was not up late and did not get hyper or anything so I was very thankful for that. Hopefully he will be able to go to school on Friday and catch up on stuff but if not no worries.

Shelly - thank you so much for sharing Sarah with us....she sounds like a beautiful, wonderful woman. I know (as we all do) the pain that never ends. I took 5 weeks off work after Jessica left us and I was a crazy woman - totally re-did the house, could not stop moving because I felt that I would just lie down and never get up if I did. I also had Tavian to take care of and as much as it hurt it was a blessing that saved me many times. When I went back to work I could not focus, was outside every other hour having a meltdown.....it was too hard for me to work with the public so I asked for a transfer and was lucky enough to get one.....a place with my own office so I could close the door and not have to deal with everyone all the time. I wish I could tell you that everything will get softer for you but you are too soon on this journey to believe that. I look forward to seeing pics of your Sarah... Bless you

Carol - Tavian will take your virtual hugs anytime...

Crystal - hang tight my friend...we all hold you tight.

Just about time to start dinner so I will say so long for now....love, peace and strength to all, Kathy

[daveydow1]

Shelly-----Thank your for telling us about Sarah. Looking forward to seeing her picture.

Crystal-------Sending prayers that dear Ethan can get some help with his problems. Siblings have

a unique kind of grief when they lose a brother or sister. Hope things look up a bit for him in the

near future.

Karen-----Yes, I guess we all have to go through the 'putting on a happy face' thing, and it can be

a terrible thing to have a smile on your face, while there is pain, tears, and sorrow in your heart.

People, in general, are uncomfortable around someone who is sad, and sometimes feel like

they need to "fix" it. Of course, we know that is not possible. Grief is a long complicated and

rough road to travel.......no one wants to be on it, but here we find ourselves there. As someone

said........it is usually a few steps forward, then a few steps back, but little by little we do make

some progress. So hard to see this when you are in the early days, wks. months after the tragedy

of losing a beloved child. Peace & prayers, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[lolynbo]

HEY GUYS...HOPE YOU ALL HAD A BLESSED DAY..I SPENT MINE AT THE BMW PLACE 6 HOURS TO FINDOUT MY DOORS DIDNT WORK BECAUSE OF THE FUSE....YA MINE.....

OH WELL...

SHELLY I SENT YOU A PRIVATE MESSAGE...AS I SAID SEEMS LIKE SEVERAL OF US WENT THROUGH THE SAME HELL WITH CANCER.... F U CANCER.....

KATHY I HAD ASTHMA AS A CHILD AND FINALLY FIGURED OUT (FOR ME) HOW TO CONTROL IT....WHEN I FEEL AN ATTCK COMING ON...I KEEP MY HEART RATE LOW/LEVEL AND KEEP SAYING "I WILL NOT HAVE AN ATTACK"...SO FAR THIS HAS WORKED FOR ME...I HAVNET HAD ONE SINCE I WAS 28...SO THATS WHAT 5 YRS AGO....LOL HE WILL BE FINE GAMMY...HE HAS HIS PERSONAL ANGEL....

I WENT TO THE CMETERY AS SOON AS I GOT HOME FROM OKC....AND IT JUST HITS ME ...."SHES GONE

..."STILL GONE"....AND THE 15TH LERKS NEARER...GOD GIVE ME STRENGHTH I CAN NOT DO THIS WITH OUT YOU....

THANK YOU ALL FOR THE KIND WORDS FOR THE PLAQUE....I FEEL LIKE WHEN I HELP A CHILD IM MAKING ALL OUR ANGELS HAPPY....

[lolynbo]

I DONT NO IF YAL HAVE KLOVE RADIO WHERE YOU ARE ...BUT I READ A BOOK (YES I REALLY DID) CALLED 90 MINUTES IN HEAVEN...WELL THEY JUST POSTED ANOTHER BOOK CALLED

The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven

In 2004, Kevin Malarkey and his six-year-old son, Alex, suffered a horrific car accident. The impact from the crash paralyzed Alex--and medically speaking, it was unlikely that he could survive. "I think Alex has gone to be with Jesus," a friend told the s...tricken dad. But two months later, Alex awoke from a coma with an incredible story to share. Of events at the accident scene and in the hospital while he was unconscious. Of the angels that took him through the gates of heaven itself. Of the unearthly music that sounded just terrible to a six-year-old. And, most amazing of all...of meeting and talking to Jesus. The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven is the true story of an ordinary boy's most extraordinary journey

IM GONNA GO TRY TO FIND IT HERE IN MY SMALL TOWN...JUST WANTED TO SHARE

[mikesmum]

Crystal - I'm with Colleen. Your ex's verbals towards Ethan highlight more his inability to cope rather than a true reflection of Ethan or the loss of your girl. Support is something you both need right now. Support that you connect with. Victims of crime support services as well as trauma support are invaluable. But you do need to see someone you are able to open up to, no holding back. I think its hard enough for an adult with alot of life experience to 'understand or work with grief' dont know how someone Ethan's age could manage it.

Shelly - Thanks for sharing part of Sarah's story. Its hard when so much is taken away in such a short time. Yes we all grieve differently and sharing our grief is much the same. Some can't talk about it, others can't talk in a group. Compassionate Friends was hard in my town. My other half and his brother are ambulance paramedics. My first couple of meetings I met with mums who had lost their kids through accidents, overdoses etc, my husband and BIL had attended them. It was more a Q&A about what happened to their kids. While it seemed to help them to 'know' it didn't do much to ease my abyss moments. I, like you found this the best fit for me.

Rhonda - Safe trip and enjoy your time with your daughter.

Kathy - Glad to see Tavians diagnosis and treatment have is asthma under control. Many do grow out of it. You'd go insane (its nice but you really don't want to be there), trying to work out exactly what triggered it. Stay in touch with your doc and keep the meds up it might pass sooner than you think. Thinking about your new place, please let us know when you move in.

Well tonight my time (Thursday) I am expecting to hear from Marcia and Colleen. It will be nothing short of wonderful.....

Back in the hills for a family wedding. I swear the ocean rejuvenates me just enough to cope.....

Love Trudi and Muttley Dog.

[carriebear]

Good morning Indigos,

I only have a moment, (shouldn't be here while at work but gosh I really need it).

Trudi I have something for you, all the way from NC Micheal Shane waved hello.

Just had to take a pic & share.

I've seen 2 shooting stars the past 2 nights & I always think of our angels when I see them.

Remembering & honoring our Veterans today.

Love & hugs to all,

Carrie

[Guest msnher]

Good morning, Indigo's;

Re counseling/grief support: For the first few months I didn't "seek" help. I honestly thought I could breeze through grief. I was so ignorant AND arrogant. I held onto my faith, my beliefs, my experiences and my own strength. Boy was I in for a big surprise! At the lowest point I found you (rather, my sister found you and recommended you) I made an appointment with a therapist and my doctor (I wanted help sleeping - another surprise) and I joined a grief support group offered through hospice. Actually, all that was one year ago this week. I, too, needed all of the above.

Kathy - One more thing. I'm sorry to hear Tavian has asthma, but glad you caught it. You are a good grandma/mother!

"Help me not smoke no cigarettes" trucker friend Bob used to pray. My prayer, now, too. Just writing that makes me want one.

Your prayers for my success would be appreciated, too.

Off to get the kids going. Blessings, Friends.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Carrie, so sweet to see the wave from Michael Shane. Trudi must love it. We do have school today even though it is Veterans Day, we had a day off to commemorate last week, which to my mind was rather stupid and disrespectful to our Veterans. So my kids will be learning more today, we did some work last week about wars and how Veterans Day became a day to be quietly respectful and peaceful humans. We made lsits of tall the reasons we have wars, and how we can as single people, change this.

Today we will learn about the medal of honor and the purple heart.

Lorri, when my little neighbor died, so many years ago from a brain tumor, she was 4. Eri was only 6 or 7 and this was a shock to my kids that kids die. Alice was my little beauty, little red-haired bow shaped lips beauty. She loved Jon, called him Yon. Anyhow i digress, as usual. So there was a book back then about Kids who saw the light, kids that were pronounced and came back. I cannot remember the title, but it was extrememly powerful. Alice died in around 1992 so the book was out then. It sounds like the same kind of experience that the child wrote about in the book you describe.

I am grateful for th ework you do to help other children through Kourtney's Kloset. Imagine their grateful hearts.

Sus, my husband is th ebiggest heaviest smoker I know, grew up with two heavy smoking parents, I was a smoker, sister and brothers were all smokers, sis Mare wasn't because she had TB. Anyhow, it is a strong addiction and I wish you great luck in quitting. I quit my pack a day habit long ago, but smoked again later on in life when waitressing, at the end of a shift we folded napkins and drank coffee and smoked, I allowed myself two cigs. I did not really deviate from my two a day then for a long time. One in th eAM and one at night. When my sis Eileen had a biopsy and possible lung cancer, I swore to stop my two a day habit as I sat in the waiting room. The news was good, no cancer, I still quit. She did not however and it is worrisome. I know the urges are hard to beat, my best to you.

[mikesmomrs]

Carrie...so good to hear from you...love the "wave" from Micheal Shane for his beautiful mum!

Sus: I too wish you good luck and will keep you in my prayers for strength to quit smoking. Dee, my whole family smoked, also, but somehow I escaped the dreaded trap. I smoked for a couple of months once, (one of those work situations like you had with the waitress job) but luckily noticed that it was becoming a real "habit" and stopped. I never could inhale, made me sick...so it wasn't too hard to stop. Ralph smoked til '87, and quit cold turkey..thankfully. My mom quit when she was 76! Unfortunately, all my kids smoke(d) and the girls still do. Davis smokes. Cathi has quit a few times, but always goes back. Her dad has begged her to stop...(ironically, just like she begged him to stop back when she was in her early teens). I think everyone that smokes knows the dangers they are exposing themselves to, but it is such an insidious thing...grabs you and just won't let go.

Dee: thank you so much for your work to enlighten children about the value of peace, and also to give them some knowledge of the efforts of brave men who gave up so much to ensure that we have the freedoms we still have. The history channel is doing a special series on WWII, incorporating the stories of six or so men into it, giving them a chance to tell their personal stories throughout the series. I have only been able to watch some of it...it is so heartbreaking. But, we know that back then, had we not done what was done, we all would likely be living very different lives right now... The world has changed tremendously and it is time we all learned from the past what not to do about the future. Ralph joined in '63, and was in for 26 years. Fortunately, he never saw any action, the closest he came was being stationed in Thailand in 1965. He never went away again after that, fortunately. We try to make an effort to "thank a vet" whenever we get the opportunity.

Shelly: My heart aches for you...thank you so much for sharing some of Sarah's story...she sounds like such a wonderful girl, and I know that it really hurts to know that she was starting out on her adult life journey and it was cut short...It really does help to write, Shelly...it helped me tremendously...I created a memorial web site for Mike in those early months, and it helped so much to "put his life out there" and celebrate and honor his life instead of his death...it also really does help to talk, especially to people like all of us here, who will listen and truly help you carry and move through your grief. There are so many parts of this journey...I am glad that you have come here, though of course, so very sorry that you have a reason to.

Lorri: I am so sorry that you are feeling that awful heartache that we get enveloped by when those words "She's gone" hijack our thoughts and won't let go. The "(s)he's gone" moments are hitting me, too, and it has been a rough few days. I find myself sitting and staring out the living room window, my thoughts drawn to the seemingly sudden and vast emptiness that is looking back at me now with all of the bare trees out there. We have many, many trees in our area, and it is just so naked without them. My first thought is that they will be back, in the summer, beautiful again, and then my next thought falls into my brain...Mike is gone, too, my heart is as bare as these trees, but he won't be back. He's gone, and it will never change. I will never see him again in this life. When those thoughts assail me, I am useless. It is a very difficult thing to draw ourselves back from that train of thought. We eventually do, but it is gut wrenching while we are on it. Your Kourtney left her life as she and you all knew it in November, and it was November when the numbness I had been living with for the past month started to leave me, and I saw that the suddenly changed landscape around me was also in my heart...nothing was beautiful anymore. I hold you close, my dear, and send you love.

We have so many new people here who have lost their child recently. Crystal and Shelly, and I am likely forgetting someone, though not intentionally...I am so very sorry for your losses, so very sorry that the pain you feel is so intense right now. We who have been living with this longer know of the numbness we all live with at first, and we remember that when that numbness wears off, the searing pain that hits us is so intense, so heartbreaking, and seems so insurmountable. Even though we do fall back into it now and again, even years later, we do eventually get to a point where we can live with it...we can breathe again, we can live our lives again, which of course is what our children want---more than anything. I know that I have said this many times before, but for all of you who are new to this journey, I will say again what my son Mike said to me, just a couple of months before he died. (Mike died of brain cancer, on Oct 14, 2006 and knew from the beginning that he was going to die from it.) He put his hands on my shoulders and looked into my face and said "Mom, you can't die because I do. It wouldn't be fair...to me or to you." This is what finally pulls me away from that searing pain when it attacks me again. The thought that I am honoring his life by living mine, though sometimes so very very hard to do, is what keeps me going.

I pray a good day for all of us...that some sweet memory will touch your heart and you will be reminded of the love that we were all honored to know and feel and live with...the memories are bittersweet, but we are so very blessed to have them.

Remembering and honoring Veterans day and all those who have served and still serving.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

http://www.cinemind.com/atwater/beyond.html

This link should take you to the page about the book, BEYOND THE LIGHT, which I think is the one that was around when Alice my neighbor died.

Thanks Carol, I really don't think enough can be said to honor our Veterans. Have read many books that deal with war, one of the best from the Vietnam era is The Things They Carry. One from the WW11 era is, Studs Terkle, the Good War. Oh the bravery that is shown day in and day out. Love the warrior, hate the war.

[lolynbo]

AH A MILLION THANKS GIRLS DEE AND CAROL....ITS JUST SO WEIRD HOW IT CAN ENGOLF (SP) IN A SPLIT SECOND...A SMILE AT ONE POINT THEN A TEAR.....THINKING OF YOU BOTH AT THIS TIME AND EVERYDAY...I NO YOU ALL FEEL MY PAIN BECAUSE YOU HAVE THE SAME LOSS....

I REALIZED LAST NIGHT "THE PAIN WILL STOP, WHEN OUR HEARTS DO"..(Lorr Boatright)..BOTTOM LINE...

[Crystal16]

Carol- Thanks for reminding me that my Ashlee would not want me to die because she has!!! Your Mike imparted great wisdom to us left behind and trying to live on without them.

Today has been a hard day, I've read a few of the posts and notice others are also struggling with grief this week too. I feel myself emotionally falling into a depression, I have to talk my way out of it and say this is NOT what Ashlee would want. If I could curl up under the covers and not come out after a LONGGGGGGGGGGGG break and numb the pain.... maybe I could snap out of it.

The below website was a memorial to Ashlee that her Aunt Shannon put together for family and friends.

http://ashlee-swazey...s.com/index.php

[lolynbo]

MY WEIRD PIC I TOOK @ CEMETERY KINDA OMUNIOUS KINDA LIKE A ALFRED HITCHCOCK MOVIE....THE WIND WAS WHIPPIN AROUND AND THE RAVENS WERE OUT...CLOUDY...JUST STRANGE...OR IT CLDA JUST BEEN ME, I THINK I HAVE FEVER...

LIL EXCEITED I THINK IM GETTING ANOTHER SHITZU (SP) PUPPY RIGHT AROUDN CHRISTMAS..THEY ARE NOT BORN YET..BUT SHE SAID THEY SHOULD BE HERE NOV 26..AND I CLD HAVE HER 4 TO 5 WEEKS...9WHEN I GOT MY OTHER BABIES)

[summergirl]

Crystal - I visited the website for your Ashlee - absolutely beautiful. Ashlee looks like a fun-loving very happy woman. It breaks my heart as I know how much you are hurting and missing her.....I lit a candle.....I just know that Ashlee and my Jessica have met and they are hanging with all of our Angles...I believe they all know each other just as we know each other and that brings me some comfort.

Tavian is a bit better today, still has the cough but not as bad. I thank everyone again for your support....sometimes I feel as though my plate is just too full and I don't know what to do... We are going to a dinner at the firehouse on Saturday night and Tavian is going to his friend, John-Henry- to have a play date / sleep-over.....am I crazy to be looking forward to a night out to actually talk and see my friends ?? I am torn about staying home with Tavian but Linda (John-Henry's mom) said Tavian will be fine and if anything comes up she will call me, we will only be about a mile away from each other. So, I will keep my cell phone on and try to have a bit of grown-up time.

Today Tavian and I went over to the house, I was going to finish painting Barry's office but was only there about an hour and Tavian wanted to come home,,,he just wanted to lay on the couch and watch tv so I packed up some primer and paint and brought home shelves from the closets and painted at home.....I CANNOT WAIT TO FINISH PAINTING - I should be a pro by the time I am done. Every time I go over there though I see how far we have come and it keeps me moving forward....We will be in by the end of the month.. Today Tavian drew a picture of his "new bedroom" to show us how he wanted it - it has TEN FISH TANKS I think that might be 9 too many!!! So funny though.

Why ??? I am still asking myself that question - it will be 5 years Feb 18 and I know better then to say that word but it slips into my mind and my heart breaks all over again....I miss my Jessica and I want her back here with us I have come so far but there are days when I relive it all over again, the shock, the horrible pain, the numbness, everything I never thought I would ever go through.. We are supposed to go before our children---I just get so angry sometimes and right now all I want is for her to walk in the door and say "hey mom".........

Time to say goodnight....love and peace to all, Kathy

[lolynbo]

Why ??? I am still asking myself that question - it will be 5 years Feb 18 and I know better then to say that word but it slips into my mind and my heart breaks all over again....I miss my Jessica and I want her back here with us I have come so far but there are days when I relive it all over again, the shock, the horrible pain, the numbness, everything I never thought I would ever go through.. We are supposed to go before our children---I just get so angry sometimes and right now all I want is for her to walk in the door and say "hey mom".........

KATHY...IM SO RIGHT THERE WITH YOU...IM JUST SO SORRY...HUGS MY SISTER....

[mikesmum]

Carrie - Thank you so much for remembering Micheal Shane and his affinity with Celtic Knotwork. Tears, a good memory triggered by a Random Act of Kindness. Thank you.

Crystal - Loved Aunt Shannons memorial for your Ashlee. So young so alive.

Its our first real taste of 'summer' today. The temp is high as are the northerly winds. We are expecting a 'change' in the form of a thunder and lightening show later.....will be watching for it.

In the hills for a family wedding. Mals nephew is tying the knot tomorrow. Its hard to explain the resistence I feel when I attend his family functions. He has both parents, all siblings and his two boys. Jealous isn't quite right, more a why couldn't that be me.

Wearing trousers. Always think of Mike when I get ready for something like this. Wearing a skirt or a 'frock' would have him asking if I felt okay....I'm not much of a frock wearer......

Heading back to the ocean this Monday. Lauren (the lovely) will be calling in on Friday for a catch up. Can't wait.

"Hey mum whatchya doing, talking to you my son my son"

Trudi

[mikesmum]

I was trying to post the words to Flander Fields. Will try again...

In Flanders fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses, row on row,

That mark our place; and in the sky

The larks, still bravely singing, fly

Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago

We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

Loved and were loved, and now we lie

In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:

To you from failing hands we throw

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields.

[rlolheiser]

Been missing you all for a couple days. The flu has hit hard all 3 kids here have it, and my daughter. I knock on wood it will bypass me. My little guy is sleeping here with his head on my lap, it hit him fast tonight, fever and all. I hope it is short lived.

Shelly, thank you so much for sharing your angel and yourself. I know it is a hard road to travel and I pray you find some peace.

Kathy, all I can say is I agree with you.. time just doesn't do it for us.. there are days I feel like it was yesterday.

Dee, my oldest daughter has decided to homeschool her daughter (the one that was so close to JaBoa) she isn't doing well out in the public. I gave her some of the information you have listed.. I hope she can handle this, I know it is tough as I homeschooled her one year.

Rhonda I hope you have a nice time, try to enjoy I hope your husband gets to go too.

Crystal, I saw your Ashlee's memorial page, and it is beautiful, she is beautiful.

My daughter is having a really hard time, I finally asked her to join this site. I told her I guess that there isn't anything I haven't told her that I write here. I tried to explain to her that it helps me to come in here, and maybe she could find the help too.

My little guy is up again, so I better go..

[Guest msnher]

Earlier this evening I logged onto BI and read the posts and was going to tell you all about our perfect family evening. Somehow it seemed inappropriate. The evening, for me, really began this morning at Wal Mart. I was shopping for hair supplies for Mariah. Sometimes she gets teased because of her hair.....big, curly, ethnic. For the most part she handles it quite well but earlier this week some kids called her a freak. So, while I was busy decorating for Thanksgiving this morning, I decide to drop everything and go to Wal Mart. My cart was loaded with every kind of conditioner, relaxer, spray, thinning shears, etc. I decided to go to the toy dept to get some of the kid's Christmas, too. While there two black women pushed their cart by me. I stopped them and asked the one with the straight hair if I could ask a personal question........"How did you straighten your hair?"

I explained my situation. They walked me back to the hair isle and had me put most of the hair supplies back on the shelf and gave me the ONE thing I needed plus the right kind of comb. I already had the other stuff at home. Not only did they tell me what to buy, they told me how to use it and what to do for Mariah. To make a long story shorter, I invited them to my home for lunch and coffee.

We visited for several hours. They are young, 31 and 23, from Southern California. I was so comfortable. They are in a "foreign" land, really. We laughed about "10 black people live in Wyoming". They looked at all my pictures of Stephanie and listened to my stories. I was on a high the rest of the evening.....knowing Stephanie had "run" into people who befriended her in all her geographical cures.

Their suggestions for Mariah's hair worked beautifully. Mariah kept swinging her STRAIGHT hair around her shoulders. Gary got home early and held Jasmine on his lap at the table, visiting with me, while I made supper. We sang, laughed and had a perfect time together as a family. After dinner Mariah, Jasmine and I cuddled in the oversized chair (aka my grieving chair). We all sang "God Bless America" as Jonathon (6 yrs old) did the sign language for it.

The kids were tucked in their beds and Gary and I settled down to watch Grey's anatomy. Gary told me how he's really been missing Steph lately. We both shared tears as we talked about not being able to digest the fact that she died. "It just doesn't make sense" Gary said. We began to watch Oprah's interview with Marie Osmond regarding her son's death - -just 8 months ago. "I'm not in a place to watch this" I tell Gary. I ended up in the bathroom in a heap, sobbing into a towel. I went outside and sobbed that gut wrenching sob we all know too well.

I don't know how to do this new journey. I guess we just keep putting one foot in front of the other, thank God for the good days, and try to survive the bad ones. I do know the tears were a long time overdo.

It's odd. I'm not in a panic to make the pain go away now. Experience has told me it will ease. I'm just tired. My arms ache to hold my child.

Thanks for listening. Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Susannah: Sharing your perfect day puts some perfection in our day, too. Thank you for giving us a chance to listen. You are such a good "mom" and you and Gary have found a treasure in each other. So happy for Mariah! Learning to live with the good times and the bad, I guess is what this journey is all about. Remembering the good times in the bad, of course, helps us get through them. But, sometimes, being "in a heap on the bathroom floor" is just another one of those things that we need to do...the healing process...it takes us where it wants us to go...ultimately forward, but seemingly sometimes backwards. I am glad that the girls came with you and you were given the opportunity to share Stephanie with them...sharing our baby's lives gives us a chance to celebrate their life once more. I too watched Marie Osmond's interview, or part of it...I did like when she said that it is so comforting to have people recognize your grief and let you know that it is okay to grieve. I do agree with what she said, also, about people wanting to say the right things, but sometimes just don't know what to say. I read a quote from Elizabeth Edwards regarding the loss of her son. A friend of hers, who had lost his brother, told her 'People will say the wrong thing. You just have to remember that they meant to say the right thing.' It allows you to be so much more gracious. " I guess this is something to think about when we are confronted with the "You didn't just say that!" times in our lives.

Crystal: Thank you for sharing your beautiful Ashlee's memorial with us. Shannon did a wonderful job of capturing the joy that is Ashlee.

Kathy: No, you are not crazy to be looking forward to a few hours with some friends and some adult conversation...you have earned it, very much so. Jessica will be smiling at you while you have your time. I am glad that Tavian is doing better.

Leah: I hope the "get better" fairy comes by your house very soon and does her thing...I am sorry that everyone in your house has been down with the flu. It must be very tiring for you, what with all of the other responsibilities that you carry. Holding you close.

Trudi: So glad that you are finally getting some real summer weather. Good luck at the wedding...Mike always had the same words for me about dresses...the last time he mentioned it, he said "I don't remember when the last time was that I saw you in something besides pants. In fact, I don't think I ever have!" He had, but it had certainly been a while. "I feel when I attend his family functions. He has both parents, all siblings and his two boys. Jealous isn't quite right, more a why couldn't that be me." Totally understandable, Trud, totally.

We had Damon all day today, and his brother, Kameron (13) was off school also, so he came over to spend the day too. I took them both to the playground and they had the best time...Damon doesn't get to see his brothers very often, and he just so much enjoys them when he does. It was nice of Kameron to play at Damon's "level" so that Damon could share some of his games and fun with him. They played Star Wars with light sabers and had a "story line" as Damon said, so they knew just what to do. Then they came home and spent a couple of hours drawing and talking. A good day for them.

Well, it is well past evening, so I guess I will just say that I hope you are all having a good nights sleep, with only good, comforting dreams.

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[Guest msnher]

Carol - Thank you. I turned the TV off early in the interview. My heart broke when she said her son was depressed and she had just spoken with him, telling it would all be okay and she would be there on Monday..."but, depression doesn't wait until Monday."

Crystal - The memorial for Ashlee is beautiful. She is dearly loved. That is evident.

Not much else to say this morning. I'm a bit drained after my grieving episode last night.

Wishing you all love,

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Crystal16]

Kathy- I’m glad to hear you lit a candle in Ashlee’s memory. The only peace I have knows Ashlee is laughing, running around and mudding with all of your Angels. I too ask everyday WHY this had to happen because of one person’s inconceivable actions had to take my Ashlee away.

Leah- I hope you feel better soon and I pray your daughter decides to at least if anything read the posts on this site. This forum has helped me in many ways with my grieving journey. Reading, receiving and gleaning through posts/suggestions or receiving encouraging words from everyone helped me to get through some of my darkest days!

Susannah- It sounds like you had a divine appointment yesterday with those two young ladies and you were able to share your Stephanie with them. Then you were truly blessed afterwards with your grandbabies and spending quality time loving on them. It brings a smile to my face….

Trudi, Lorri, Carol, Dee, Carrie, Sherry, Shelly and anyone else I may have missed I pray you all have a peaceful day!

[lolynbo]

IM A LITTLE EXCEITED, IM GETTN A NEW PUPPY CHRISTMAS EVE...A LIL FEMALE SHITZU....YES THIS WILL TAKE ME BACK UP TO 4 BUT...I LOVE THEM SO MUCH...IVE DECIDED ON HER NAME AVA MAE SO I WILL HAVE PIXIELU, AVERY, PRINCESS AND AVA (PAPA).....SSHSSHSH MONTY DONT NO YET...

STILL FEELN LIKE POOPY HERE EARS HURT AND MY THROAT...BUT IM GOING TO TRY TO GET OUT AND ABOUT TODAY...GOTTA GET FOOD

GOING TO OKC TOM TO HELP KIMMY AND CODY MOVE A MILE AWAY...SHLD BE A HECK OF A DAY....LOL

WEVE GOT SOME NIBBLES ON SOME LARGEEEEEEEEEEEEE JOBS PRAY WE GET THEM, WE NEED THEM SO BADLY...WE SEEM TO NOT HAVE BEEN TO GET CAUGHT UP VERY MUCH SINCE WEVE BEEN HOME...JUNE08' THIS CLD MAKE A LARGE DIFF IN OUR LIVES...(OF COURSE EVERYONE FEELS THAT WAY)...OWNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS, EVERYONE HAS THEIR HAND IN YOUR POCKET, TAXES, ETC...

[summergirl]

"I am not in a place to watch this".....oh Suz, how true those words. There are shows that I used to watch faithfully and now I cannot watch them anymore...CSI was one of them - now it brings a coldness to me. I am not much of a tv watcher although I do like Oprah. I can tell you however that I can just about name every child show there is on tv....Hannah Montana, Icarly, Jake and Josh, I'm in the Band, and many more...my tv is after Tavian goes to bed. I can picture you on your knees, sobbing - been there so many times - as for it being way over due I used to get upset when I didn't cry for some time thinking "what is wrong with me" - then when it hits it is like being ripped apart, hard to catch your breath... Right there with you girlfriend...

Tavian is much better today, went back to school and did well. Came home, did his treatment and meds and then went to the other house for a bit....finished painting my bedroom closet which is HUGE...Back tomorrow to continue...almost there -

Lorri - I am so excited for you to be getting your new puppy for Christmas - wow 4 dogs - Tavian would love to live with you !! He keeps asking for a puppy but I don't know if I am up to it yet...especially the potty training. But who knows I may change my mind, Tavian has a way of working his Mi-Mi....

Crystal - I can not imagine going through what you have as far as how your Ashlee left this world...along with others on this site...I know the pain is the same for us but I have often found myself wondering how I would have managed if I lost Jessica other then the way I did.......those who suffered through months of waiting, hoping, those who lost due to someone else's mistakes....Does that make sense to you ?? I know when I lost Jessica I believed that no one in this world could ever feel the pain I did and then I found this site and realized I am so not alone.....so many suffer the same pain, heartache, longing, wishing.....lives forever changed. I remember being the newbie here and when someone new joined I was devastated.....it took me some time to be able to help them.....now I am almost 4 years here, that is hard to believe but I and always will be thankful for finding this place I call my second home....saved by those who came before and after me. Bless you

Trudi - love that poem. I too am not a "frock" girl......I love my jeans and t-shirts and throw in some sandals and I am set to go. I am wearing jeans to the dinner tomorrow night....will dress them up with my cowboy boots and a nice top. Sometimes we go somewhere and I see these ladies all dressed up in their fancy clothes and heels that would cause me 2 broken ankles and I am very thankful for my jeans At the age I am I need not impress anybody but myself.....

Love, peace and strength to all.....Kathy

[aim630]

Crystal-I visited the site for your Ashlee & it is beautiful. She was a truly beautiful girl. One of the things that helped a little bit after my Ashley died was reading the memories other people had of her. I still visit her Facebook page to see what her friends have written lately.

Trudi-I love the poem you shared. Glad it is getting warm there. It is starting to get cold here! I'm most comfortable in jeans & a t-shirt too. Ashley liked to dress up, and my younger daughter always looked to her for fashion advice. One time when Ashley was in the hospital, Katie wore a new outfit to get her opinion of it before she wore it to school. I also understand what you mean about being "not jealous" of other people whose families are intact, but wondering why our family couldn't still be in one piece also. I would never wish this on anyone, but sometimes it is hard to be around people who haven't experienced this, especially when they complain about something petty.

Susannah-I completely understand about your meltdown. Some days I cope better than others, then all of a sudden it hits me like a brick and takes my breath away. I can't watch certain shows either. I remember sitting in Ashley's hospital room the night she first went in to the emergency room (exactly one year ago tomorrow). We watched "Little People" and I can't ever watch that again. Also nothing on the Hallmark channel, because we spent a lot of time watching that. Nothing medical, and especially not the show called "I shouldn't be alive". I wonder why some people miraculously survive something they shouldn't, but no one could save our kids.

Lorri-I'm excited you're getting a new puppy also! We have 3 dogs & 5 cats (I know, a zoo). My mom just recently gave us a Yorkie puppy from one of her dog's litters. He is adorable, but I don't think he'll EVER be housetrained. We are constantly yelling, "NO, Jake!". He is supposed to be my daughter's puppy, but somehow has ended up very attached to me.

Thanks to everyone for listening, hope you all have a good night and weekend.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Rubytaylor]

I hope you feel better soon and I pray for your daughter decides, at least if something is to read your posts on this site. This forum has helped me in many ways my journey into mourning. mysympathy for your loss. my the lord warm you and watch over you daily.

_______________________________________________________

Good Grief Bear is targeted towards providing the needy a helping handto overcome the grief and the grievances that they encounter in the harshreality of life.

URL: www.goodgriefbear.com

[ericasmom]

Crystal, I love the site you have created for Ashlee and for all of those who love her. She is a doll, a fun loving and wonderful energy. I am so sorry that you have to go through this grief. I know the missing, we all know. HOllow is how I dexcribed myself during parts of my early journey, as though I once had been full and had with the loss of ERi bcome hollow. An echo rang from me, only my bare bones to bounce off of. Eventually, my hollow stem began to fill again, differently but still, there was/is life in me again. Forgive my question if you have discussed it here and I have forgotten, is the boy responsible for Ashlee's death in jail or was this deemed accidental?

It is my Son Jon that I worry so about. We all have anxiety in my family, pronounced in our losses and his is so big. I feel so sorry that I cannot fix it for him. He is taking steps to find ways to deal with it, so for that I am dearly grateful.

Have fun in OKC Lor.

Leah, I too hope that your Daughter comes on and joins us as she finds ways to cope with the loss of JaBoa and to get support for the steps she is taking.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

I am back for a few days My sister has received the all clear from this last hospitalization so that the next ( more difficult surgery can go forward) Her daughter came in from out of town and I am able to come back and dive back into my isolation where I am more comfortable. So many memories , all so good of Stephen in her home. Stephen's rose bush bloomed one small yellow rose while I was there It touched my soul!!

I miss him so I need time to reflect and come here and regroup

I have not caught up as yet but I did visit Ashlee's sweet web site and did light a candle It is so alive and full of energy Lovely site Crystal.

I missed everyone and will catch up and be back

[ericasmom]

Betty, I am happy that your sis has received a clean bill of health for now, and that you are able to re-group in your home for a bit before she needs your companionship and support again. I do understand that kind of quiet and alone time. Continued prayers for your Sis, and love for you.

So we are having a mini-Thanksgiving here today, I made an apple and pumpkin pie for the occasion. We are making mashed potatoes, some stuffing and two turkey breasts. JOn and Shannon will be out of town for Thanksgiving and so we want to provide and share a meal of Thanksgiving with them. We also will have my nephew Kelly who is staying for three days with Shan adn JOn while he paints the interior of their home, and my nephew Michael and his Girl and their Son Maxx. Maxx is one. They live just 5 minutes away so it will be nice to gather round the table. I am hanging on to sweet thoughts of JOnathan getting stronger and less anxious as we go forward.

Prayers for strength to combat a disorder that can eat up ones life, and thanksgiving for his presence here along with all who love him.

[mikesmum]

I am able to come back and dive back into my isolation where I am more comfortable. So many memories , all so good of Stephen in her home. Stephen's rose bush bloomed one small yellow rose while I was there It touched my soul!!

I miss him so I need time to reflect and come here and regroup

Betty - So glad to hear your sister is on the mend. I read those words, its so like how I feel. Back to the ocean, my isolation. Yet here in the hills memories of the 10 days I spent here with Micheal before he died. The rose given to me by the crews involved, deep deep red with a velvet like petal - the perfume intoxicating.

Dee - Early Thanksgiving surrounded by family sounds just right. Hope Jon does draw strength from the gathering and you are all able to enjoy your day.

Well I survived the wedding. It began around 5pm and we left around 7.30pm. The weather went straight back to winter. The rain was relentless. The temp around 10C. Nevertheless the chiffon summer frocks were out en mass.

The ceremony included the Celtic tradition of handfasting. The binding of the couples hands with ribbons symbolising love, fertility, strength, wealth etc. It was what Mike had included in a ceremony had planned. Tears. A group shot of the bridal party. Mals nephew, his brother his best man, his sister a bridesmaid sent a torent of tears that would not be stopped. Thoughts of Mike again, Steven to be his best man, Melissa to be part of the bridal party. I know its something that Steven thinks of now. Mike was to stand up for him when he was to marry Kelly. Now its on hold.

Back home into PJ's and the comfort of being behind closed doors.

[daveydow1]

Betty------So glad to hear your sis is mending. One yellow rose on Stephen's rose bush.......so very nice, and at

this late date in the year. Davey's rose (red) also had one bud, but none on Lisa's (pink). We wanted white for

Dave but the nurseries around here were all sold out of white. Maybe next season we'll look early. Lisa came

in the spring (May) when roses are just getting started here, and she went in the fall when the roses were winding

down. 6 short months is all we had with her. So long ago, and the heart still aches. My husband is busy feeding

the birds now, and we have many kinds coming. I love the large woodpeckers......they come for the lard-based

seed cakes. Deer are absent for the past week or so......hunting season coming up, and also its mating season

now, so must be careful when driving. Take care, friend.

Dee-----How nice.....having a "mini" Thanksgiving with Jon and Shannon, since they won't be there for

Thanksgiving. Your meal sounds scrumptious. It's my turn to have the family Christmas Tea/ luncheon this year, in early

Dec. I'm having homemade vegetable soup, fruit salad, and a dessert. It is not a large affair (6 or so).....just my

brother, sisters, and my mom.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOES.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[nicksdad]

Not sure if this book was ever mentioned or not but my sister read it and then told me about it.

The name of it is The Cross Gardener by Jason Wright. Amazon has it but our local library had it also:

http://www.amazon.com/Cross-Gardener-Jason-F-Wright/dp/0425233286

Really good book. I only like books like The Shack, all the Mitch Albom books: http://mitchalbom.com/books

If anyone knows any books like that please let me know.

[mikesmomrs]

Betty: so good to hear your sister is doing better and her daughter's being there has given you a break to retreat to your own more comfortable setting. I do think "home" takes on a different meaning for us now...a place of security and our own sense of comfort, in a strange way.

Dee: Hope you all have a wonderful "mini-thanksgiving." I am so glad that Jon has such a kind-hearted mom, who has him held so close to her heart...he is a better man for it.

Sherry: six months...far, far too short a life...your precious Lisa will always be in your heart, along with Davey. He is likely taking care of her, you know.

Trudi: I am glad you survived the wedding. I can truly understand the tears when you saw the wedding party lining up for pics...how could they not fall? And the handfasting....just another "similarity" for your Mike and mine...Mike and Sarah had the handfasting ceremony when they got married. They had it planned, as they both like the symbolism. It was the first time we had ever seen it. I thought it was quite different and nice. So very "Micheal" for your Mike to think of it, as well.

Ralph and I had a truly wonderful day today. It was such a beautiful day, unexpectedly near 70 degrees, so we just left and drove out to the beach. When we drove into the parking lot, we headed for our usual parking spot right near the water, and right next to us was a yellow punch buggy. The ocean was just tremendous...there must be a storm out to sea, as the waves were tremendous...huge, high (some perhaps up to 15 feet or so as they came in crashed), and just awesome. I love the ocean, and when it shows its might at a safe distance, could watch it all day. I was standing there, filming it with Ralph's phone, intending to get a full 10 minutes, when at 8 minutes and 43 seconds, the phone rang and interrupted it. It was Ralph calling from the car to ask me what the heck was taking so long!!!?!?!?! ARGH!!! Oh, well, the footage I got came out really nice. On the way home, we stopped to eat. I got a delicious lobster roll and Ralph had broiled shrimp salad. All in all a good day.

I hope you all have a nice evening...sending love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

Carol - Love that you had such a beautiful day. Yes the handfasting was something I learnt of when I did the Marriage Celebrancy course. (completed the course but didn't apply to the Attorney General to become a real Marriage Celebrant).

It really did reflect Mikes love of the Celtic symbolism and his beliefs.

Brief sunshine today.....back to the ocean tomorrow.....

[rlolheiser]

I have been at the ER and hospital with my mom. As I told you all the flu is in our house.. and I got really sick yesterday and so did mom. I couldn't rest cause I was checking on mom and all night long I watched her go down hill, she didn't want to go to the hospital. It took me too long to talk her into going, I feel bad but I felt so sick and wasn't sure what to do. Anyway.. mom's kidneys are in failure. They have been giving her mixtures of dextrose, insulin, and calcium to try to get them jumpstarted. They are also giving her antibiotics. I swear until last night she was doing great... when the dr told me her kidneys were in failure I just cried.. (I had to get up and look at something so mom didn't see.. I don't think she understands... I have been in the hospital most of the day.. I just feel so sick I had to come home, I asked the nurse to call me if there was any changes. sooo.. I come here and ask for my friends to send prayers.. I don't know what the outcome will be.. I am mixed emotion on what to hope for.. she is so unhappy... I just want her to be ok, not in a lot of pain and not in dementia..

I should write more.. just don't feel good.. going to bed..

[lolynbo]

WELL DEE IDK HOW MUCH FUN IT WAS..BUT WE GOT ER DONE....PIANO AND ALL....WE LOADED THE LARGE STUFF ANDTHEY ARE GETTN THE REST...MY DAIGHTER IS NOT THE BEST OF HOUSE KEEPERS..NOT FILTHY JUST NOT MY CLEAN...HER POOR HUBBY...SHE HAS ANXIETY REALLY BAD I THINK ON THE SCALE 25 WAS HIGH SHES A 42...SO SHE HAS TROUBLE GETTNT THINGS ORGANIZED AND CLEAN...BUT HER CLEAN IS ORGANIZED SHE CAN TELL YOU WHICH PILE ITS IN....POOR BABY GOD LOVE HER.....THEY HAVE TO GET RID OF HARLOW AS I SAID SO SHE WAS THERE TOO (THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD A HOME FOR HER BUT IT TURNED OUT THE GIRLS LANDLORD SAID NO)...SO PRAY HARLOW FINDS A GOOD HOME AND KIMMY GETS ORGANIZED...

DEE THAT SOUNDS GREAT A MINI TG...ANYTHING OUT OF THE NORM IS NOW THE NORM....HAVE FUN

HAVE A BLESSED EVENING GUYS/GALS

[Guest msnher]

Leah - "I know God won't give more than I can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much." (Mother Teresa) He must trust you more than most. You are in my prayers, friend!!

Prayers for all of you at BI.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

MONTYS NEPHEW THAT PREACHED OR DID KOURTNEYS FUNERAL..AND WAS ALSO AT THE HOSP WITH US A MILLION TIMES WHEN TIMES WERE RUFF...WELL HIS WIFE SENT ME THIS TODAY ON FB...

We need to remember that God will never abandon us. When we are burdened, broken, and in need, He reminds us we are not alone.God will not only never leave our side , He watches over us and knows when enough is enough..

Malachi 3:3

The refiner desires to bring forth the metal in it's truest form. To do this, he places the object in the fire and carefully observes it's response to the heat. The silversmith watches the metal, prepared to take it out at just the right moment. Too much heat will damage the precious work.

God is the divine silversmith refining metal to rid it of impurities. When we are burdened , broken and in need, He reminds us we are not alone. God will not only never leave our side, He watches over us and knows when enough is enough.

Do you know how the silversmith knows the refining process is complete? He must be able to clearly see his reflection on the molten metal. We sometimes find ourselves in a place we believe is too difficult. The intense heat seems to be to much to bear, but God is paying close attention. His work will be done and we will be ready when He can see His reflection in us..

I read this and thought wow it makes since .. You guys and Kourtney were put into the heat and out so much starting this month and through this God was preparing his precious metal (kourtney). And once he saw his reflection he took her home with him! I love you and pray always for you all..

[summergirl]

Quiet here tonight but wonderful postings.

So, tonight was our night out, dinner and dancing, Tavian at a friends for a sleep over - I was dressed up in my "jeans", cowboy boots and I wore one of Jessica's tops and I must say I was "feeling good'- the dinner was very tasty and the music was my type...I was dancing and laughing and feeling my Jessica right there beside me and then......the phone call....Tavian wanted to come home......at first I was like "Oh no, I am actually having a really good time and it is only 9:30, I do not want to leave" and then I was in the car driving to get him, feeling a bit sorry for me because Barry stayed and "would get a ride home (as I drove there) and then suddenly I thought "are you crazy, what is better --- spending time with friends or being there for Tavian????" - he was so happy to see me and now we are snuggled in my big bed, his little eyes are closing and I am a happy Mi-Mi....

Thanks my girl for all that you have brought to my life.....I love you --- always your momma.....

[mikesmomrs]

Leah: Prayers going out to you and your mom...hope that things work out and you are given strength for whatever you may face. I wish you could take some time to take care of you...sounds like you are pretty near to running on empty.

Kathy: So sorry your night was cut short...I know that Tavian was very appreciative of your coming home for him. I hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Lorri: thanks for sharing your friend's message to you.

Trudi: have fun traveling back to the ocean!

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Thank you so much for your warm welcome HOME It certainly does feel like "coming home" after being away for a while. A wonderful understanding family who I care so very deeply for . I feel so fortunate to know each of you.

Lorrie thanks so much for the beautiful prayer I too pray for each of us each day and evening.

Sherry Lisa and Davey's different rose bush sound as if each were so carefully chosen and I know tended with much love and care They are both such special roses and loved deep in your heart, I am so glad you share them with us . Thanks for the snapshot of your back yard with he large birds, your husband feeding and the absence of deer I am glad they hide during hunting season.

Dee love that you decided to have a Thanksgiving dinner off the routine schedule I hope you all had a good visit, I know that dinner was fantastic and pray that Jon finds his peace.

Trudie I also loved the wedding tradition honored by Mike with his love of the Celtic traditions. Stephen purchased matching Celtic Claddagh rings for himself and his lady love They were beautiful

Leah Praying that mom is on the road to recovery and that you have some sleep

Caro l Your day sounded lovely I too enjoy the beach and am so impressed that you film the beauty. Glad you and Ralph had a day

Dan Thanks for the link

Susannah, Kathy, Crystal, Rhonda, . Karen Elaine and all Indigos have a peaceful day.

I am going out to Church and breakfast (Betsy in the local diner) .Then I intend to watch football the rest of the day I hope all our teams win