Loss of an Adult Child

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[mysonrich]

I like all the pictures....nice hat Betty!

[Crystal16]

Hello Indigo family,

I wake up this morning with sorrow in my heart. It's the Halloween weekend and Ashlee loved to get dressed up and hang with her friends. I try and plan to go out and be with mine tonight but all I wont to do is crawl in bed and be left alone! I hate feeling the way I feel I want to cry, scream, fight I cant seem to focus. Everyone around me is saying Ashlee wouldn't want you to be this way.... How th F--- do you know what my Ashlee would want!!!! They try and compare their friends and family situation to mine...."are you kidding me."

Kathy- I love the picture, I can see the Angel it brought a smile to my face, thank you.

[Guest msnher]

Betty - You make a beautiful witch.

Dee - Your electricity must be working again. I do hope you are feeling better soon. Please rest and stay warm.....Hot tea and soup are the order of the day.

Karen - A photographer! There are a few on here. Not me. I just aim and click. I watch the skies obsessively, now. I'm not sure if the clouds, colors and shapes have always appeared like they do now and I just wasn't paying attention before or if they are really "sightings".

Betsy - Love, love, love Barbara Streisand. Love the song. How's your aunt? How are things with your father and brother?

To everyone else, I'm thinking of you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

MY LAST HALLOWEEN WITH KOURTNEY....HER AND HALIE WENT TO WALMART AND GOT MAKEUP AND WAS GOING TO BE GOULS WITH WITCH FEEL.....HALIE CAME OVER....KOURTNEY WAS AT MY HOUSE IN HER ROOM SLEEPING...SHE BROUGHT HER STUFF AND I ASKED HER WAS SHE GOING TO GET READY...SHE SAID "NO MY HEAD HURTS"....SO HALIE AND I GOT READY...ALONG WITH MONTY AND CHRIS.....AFTER A BORING NIGHT OF TRICKER TREATING WE WENT TO TACO BELL AND ATE...MISSING KOURTNEY THE WHOLE TIME....WENT HOME AND SHE WAS SLEEPING....LAST THING SHE WROTE ON MY MYSPACE WAS " SORRY ABOUT LAST NIGHT I JUST FEEL FUNKY".....LAST ENTRY ....FEW DAYS LATER WE FIND THE TUMOR AND IT BURST ABOUT 2 WKS LATER AND SHE NEVER SPOKE AGAIN.....NOTHING SEEMS FUN ANYMORE WITH OUT HER...WE HAVENT DRESSED UP SINCE...EVERY YR WE WOULD DRESS UP BRENT, KOURTNEY, MONTY, ME, KODY CHRIS, AND HALIE....NO MORE...KODY GOES WITH BROOKE AND MARK...WE STAY HOME....SUXXXXXXXXX

[mikesmomrs]

JaBoa...JaBoa...JaBoa....sweet angel baby...fill your grandma and momma's hearts with sweet memories of your precious self, memories that will carry them through this day...let them know that you are with them always...

Leah...holding you close and sending love to you and your daughter.

[lolynbo]

ERIC IS THERE ANY WAY TO ADD A CLIP I HAVE OF KOURTNEYS VOICE?

[westleysmom]

JaBoa-Let all who love you feel your presence today in their hearts. You are missed, sweet princess by your Grandma Leah and all who knew you.

Leah-You are in my thoughts this hard sad day. I hope that you are able to bring some happy memories to soothe your aching soul. Hugs to you always.

Kathy-So sorry that taking the garden down was so hard for you and Barry. I hope that the tears helped to heal the pain and that you are able to build another, even more beautiful at the new place.

Dee-Laryngitis for the teacher? That never happened to me, and I wouldn't have minded with some of mine over the years! But I'm sure your students love to hear you speak as we love to hear from you. Get better soon.

Betty-You are too cute as a witch, you should be the fairy godmother. Have a good time!

Betsy-Not usually a Barbra fan, but that was beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes listening to the words. Thank you.

Shawns Mom-The picture is lovely. It took me a long time to come into the digital age, I loved 35 mm. I didn't develop, but I loved to take pictures when the kids were small. I can't look at them too much just yet, maybe someday.

Crystal-Don't try to do too much, sweetie. Your friends aren't trying to be mean, they just don't understand. Its so soon for you, just do what you think you can handle.

Lorri-I'm sure Kortney was the prettiest one when she dressed up. I'm sorry that your memory of her last halloween is so painful. Thinking of you

Susannah-I can't remember, are your little ones going trick or treating? I hope we get to see some pictures if you take any.

Carol-Same for Damon if he dresses up and you get any pictures. Is he your only little fella, I can't remember.

Trudi-I couldn't remember, I hope it wasn't rude to bring it up about how Mike passed. Maybe winter won't stay very long and you'll be back to those beautiful, sunny days soon. I hadn't heard you mention the calligraphy lately, I think that's so pretty and would like to be able to do. Westley had beautiful handwriting, he got awards for penmanship, believe it or not.

You all feel like my family and I'm so glad I have you to talk to. I feel so alone sometimes. I don't want to wear my husband out with my constant crying, but sometimes I just can't stop the tears. I know he feels helpless to comfort me, and has his own grief to bear. My friend's son got a low grade on an assignment and she was upset. I know its something to be upset about, but somehow I just could not muster too much comment to help. Its hard not to compare family situations with people you're around a lot, isn't it? I guess we all have our crosses to bear, but sometimes mine feels so heavy, I can't worry about anybody elses that much. I think that is one thing that being here with you all does. It helpe me to realize that there are others dealing with almost the same empty, gaping hole in their lives. It doesn't come all at once. Grief is a dish that you can't swallow whole. You have to take one little bite at a time, and work on it until you can get it down. Most bites are bitter as gall so far for me. But I can't choke the whole thing down at once, I don't have the stomach for it. I just have to keep working on that big ol platter of it, though. I'm afraid its enchanted, and will never be completely gone, no matter how hard I try to get rid of it, there will magically be more. And just when you feel like you couldn't eat another bite, you just have to get another big forkful. That's my rambling for today. Beautiful, clear weather in TN, kinda cool. Thinking of you all and hoping you don't get a tummyache from whatever is on your plate today. Hugs to you all my dear fellow diners.

[lolynbo]

THANKS WESLEYS MOM...IT IS HARD TO COMPARE OUR PAIN TO OTHERS...GRADES, JOBS, STRUGGLES...OTHER PPL HAVE SOMETIMES I THINK MY HEART IS GONE CUZ IT REALLY TAKE ALOT SOMETIMES FOR ME TO FEEL OTHERS PAIN (UNLIKE OUR PAIN)...IM NOT A MEAN PERSON AT ALL I JUST SOMETIMES THINK..."YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW PAIN???"...

WERE HERE FOR YOU IF HUBBYS SHOULDER IS SOGGIE...

[Guest msnher]

JABOA, JABOA, JABOA, JABOA.......fly by you grandma and momma today and wrap them in angel hugs and kisses. You are loved, Sweet Angel Girl!

[shorty16]

Crystal,

In the beginning of my grief journey, I felt all I wanted to do is crawl in bed, fall asleep and never wake up. It is OK for you to feel that way - for us, it is our normal for now. I used to get panic attachs when I left our home. It thought I was going crazy - until I came here and found out others felt and did the same things I did.

Time will allow you to enjoy going out again, but for right now, it is OK to feel the way you do.

Sending my love

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Crystal16]

Sorry Karen I called you Cathy :-(

Colleen- I look forward to reading everyones post, you all are the ones I can relate to anymore!

Jaboa grandma needs to feel your presence...

[shorty16]

Indigos

Last night, we all went to a new place called Dave and Busters. It is a Chuckie Cheese on steriods. WOW did we have a blast. This place is a resturant and video game together. The games are HUGE. An "Operation" game that was 5 feet by 3 feet. We all crammed into a photo booth and took pictures. They are awesome.

We had such a good time. I am so glad that Scott got to enjoy his day instead of living in his grief. My husband has a very hard time talking about Brian's death. Even when I remember funny things, I can see him recoil in pain. Very hard for both of us. We grieve so diffferently.

We had a good time - It can happen, I guess.

Colleen

[daveydow1]

JaBOA-----JaBOA-----JaBOA--------Saying a sweet angel's name. Sending thoughts & prayers, Leah, for you & your family.

May JaBoa's sweet smile give you hope.

Kathy----You mentioned taking down Jessica's Garden in preparation for the move. I so know what you mean about the

pain that comes with doing that. When we moved from the house where we lived when Dave died, we sold the house, so

had to leave the garden. I felt just so sad.......as you do now......upon leaving it. But, now, after moving here in the country,

we have the perfect place to put a new garden for Davey & Lisa. Previous owners had already planted peonies, and

black-eyed susans & other perennials at the end of the long veggie garden, so it was a start. My husband has been very

busy with digging up and planting many more herbs and perennials and lining the garden with rocks. He said that he

pretended that Dave was helping him with it. I think that once you get moved and settled, that you will have a renewed

sense of energy for designing and planting JESSICA'S GARDEN. She is with you wherever you & Barry & Tavian live.

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling about the garden, leaving the house you lived in for so long, and all the memories,

but you will take them ALL with you. My heart is with you in this move. Prayers for peace & comfort, friend.

Betty------Great Picture !!!!

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[hotrod]

JAB0A SAYING YOUR NAME AND PRAYING

THAT YOU TOUCH YOUR FAMILY TODAY IN A SPECIAL WAY

xmas-angel-glitter.bmp

[kmb22]

Leah my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. May Jaboa find a way to show you how close she is today.

[rlolheiser]

thank you so much for your beautiful wishes to my beautiful girl. JaBoa JaBoa JaboaToday has been really hard, It is the first angelversary I have spent with my daughter. She is resting right now, she has been really depressed today, I have held her tight and tried to help her but sometimes I don't know if I am the right help. I know it has been hard to hear the reality of that day, it really isn't wonderful to know everything. I do know I miss her.. and my life is forever changed. I never will look at things the way I used to, I panic more. I will never say that things can never get any worse.. because I found out that they can. I try not to wallow in pity for myself because I know that is what it is. JaBoa is the purest light and love I can imagine, and for her all of lifes sufferings are gone, I am a better person for loving this little girl, and the world is a better place for her having been here.. but still there is such a longing to hold her once more.. but it would never be enough.

Halloween 4 years ago was a nightmare, I remember helping my daughter pick out things for the funeral.. her casket, her music.. we should have been picking out furniture or toys.. I remember having to tell my mother that our little girl had become an angel, and I remember the look of pain on her face.. Tomorrow is another day and I have to take my son out Halloweening.. I have to smile.. and I even have to have fun because if I don't it would hurt my girl to think I gave up on life and didn't try to make her brother's life a little better.. Thanks to you all I will be able to do this, cause somebody here cares.. all the people here have forgotton.. even mom which is probably a good thing.. I correct myself, the kids care.. they still see her..so I appreciate that fact.. I hope they see her for a long time coming..Me, I worry that my seeing her fades each day, my feeling her.. but then I try to think that just waking up in the morning is seeing her.. just remembering that she walked this earth and made it beautiful.

I know I got to rambling there.. but I know you all understand.

Sherry, Coleen, Crystal, Susannah, Lorri, Rhonda, Carol, Betty, Crystal, Betsy, Karen, Trudi, Dee, Bonnie, Elaine, Kathy.. everybody I missed.. I have been here for almost a year, and you have seen me through some tough times. Thank you for sharing your angels with me.. thank you for loving my girl.. for caring about me and my family. I guess I will try to finish out my day, again.. thank you for being you

[mysonrich]

JaBoa.......JaBoa............JaBoa...............saying your name outloud

[ericasmom]

JaBoa the beautiful Girl of her Grandma's dreams. JaBoa so kind and gentle and knowing, please sweep in on a zepher and mess the hair of those you love, like a little prankster.

I know that this is a sad time Sweet Leah, a very hard time, and somehow I see JaBoa smiling some gorgeous big smile on your home, right there over you all, loving you with abundance, her whole self illuminated and shaking her head yes.

You are taking care of so much and so many, and because we are all family here, we are rooting for you hoping that somehow by the grace of all of your love and JaBoa's put together, tomorrow turns out to be a happier day than you thought. We are holding your hands Leah, we love you.

[ericasmom]

Thanks for the soup and tea and honey thoughts, I am wiped out but doing plenty just feeling poorly. It is viral as far as doc is concerned so I carry on and take naps in between busy stuff. Going to stop in at Susannah's Halloween party, annual, been going since Erz was 5. So I will stay just a bit as I am too tired to stay long, but John and I will go soon. I will don my Waldo costume and John will don his scary as sin mask and trench coat.

Love you all,

dee

[nicksdad]

[krichie]

JaBoa I remember and am thinking of you and those you hgad to leave behind. I pray that you send strength to all on earth.

My heart is with you all today on yet another angelversary.

Never be afraid of rambling or telling us how you feel or whats on your mind most of us understand some of us just can't put those same words into writing.

JaBoa Jaboa Jaboa love to you

[lolynbo]

WE ARE ALL PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINED HERE IN OKLAHOMA...MY BROTHER TEXTED AND SAID "I WANT ALL YAL TO NO I LOVE YOU"...AND SEVERAL MORE UNSETTELING TEXTS....DELEDTED HIS FB AND WOULDNT ANSWER HIS CALLS SAID '''HE WAS TYING UP LOOSE ENDS".....LONG STORY SHORT KIMBERLY AND CODY DROVE UP FROM OKC, AND WE CALLED LAKE PATROL....THEY TRACKED HIS CELLY TO THE PLACE WE THOUGHT HE MAY BE AT AND MONTY WENT TO GO TALK TO HIM....HES BETTER NOW DIDNT DO ANYTHING RASH, JUST VERY DOWN AND DEPRESSD HES RECENTLY SINGLE AND HATES TO BE SO.......PLZ PRAY HE FINDS HE LIKES HIMSELF AND WHEN HES READY FINDS SOMEONE THAT LOVES HIM AND STAYS WITH HIM...

[ericasmom]

GEEEEEZ Lori, I am sorry. When folks take those measures, they are in despair. I know you must be so worried. How old is your Brother? Was he married and divorced or living with someone for a long time? I will pray that your Bro has the ability to get so me sleep and see how the world looks tomorrow. Hang on Brother, there is more to this life that can be good.

I went to Susannah's party with Hubby, we had a nice time, saw some of ERica's and JOn's friends. Sus is Eri's very close friend, met in kindergarten and her parents and I spent many a day together as the girls grew up. Eri was at their home almost as much as she was at our own house and visa-versa. I love Susannah, I love all of her friends. Genuinely good humans.

It is nice out tonight, in the 50's but colder temps are coming. The stars are shining bright, the wind is blowing but not like last week thank heavens, and tomorrow promises to be a cooler and blustery Halloween. It would not matter to ERi in her many different costumes, she would trick-or-treat until her legs were unable to continue. She absolutely loved this holiday.

Jonathan's girlfriend is moving in today with Jon. My nephew moved out of Jon's house and into a new condo in the city. So I went over today to help a bit with some cleaning and rearranging. They will have some work ahead, but it already looks better. Maybe the order that will be in place will also help Jon find a bit more order and rhythm to his days.

Betty, loved your costume, hope that you had a wonderfully enchanting days. Such pretty blue eyes you have.

Sherry, your new garden sounds so pretty. I love that your Husband pretended that Davey was out there with him putting in the rocks. Perhaps Davey was right there and that is why your husband thought of that.

Col, I went to a Dave and Busters in the city once years ago. I agree, Chucky Cheese on steroids. I could not handle it for long, sound wise. I am glad however, that you guys had fun.

Heading to bed my Dear Friends. Sweet dreams, good energy surrounding you each.

[mikesmum]

Leah - First angelversary, went by in blur for me. Hope you are surrounded by better memories of your grandie today.

Dan - as always your imagery captures the true essence of these angelversary.

Lorri - I am so glad you were able to locate your brothers. That dark place can make it seem like there is nothing worth staying here for, maybe you and yours can shine a light so he may see is way out of there.

Dee - Hope the virus has a short life and you are feeling better soon. Maybe moving in with his partner will give Jon a sense of rhythm and direction in his life.

Kathy and Sherry - Hope the weather stays fine for the ongoing planting and reinstating of your angels gardens. Pics please when you can.

Betty - One hot looking witch.. Love the hat the colour and the finery. You do have amazing blue eyes!

Colleen - Sounds like an amazing 'memory making' night. The Operation game is about the same height as me....

The weather is still wintery here. Walked Muttley in the rain, he doesn't seem to mind and I don't care about the rain either.

Working in some light catchers for the windows here. Mikes beads from one he made me are waiting for some inspiration from me. Kind of a flat day today. Might be the weather, might be the time of day, might just be nothing at all.....

We don't have Halloween here as such. Its part of the Celtic calendar marking the beginning of winter (Northern Hemisphere) The Celts believed that at the time of Samhain, more so than any other time of the year, the ghosts of the dead were able to mingle with the living, because at Samhain the souls of those who had died during the year travelled into the otherworld.

Micheal and I shared a love of the Celtic lore and mythology. The seasonal celebrations and the intricate knotwork part of that.

For those who trick or treat tonight, may you make your memories and enjoy this time of the year when those who have gone before might be close by.

[mikesmum]

There are times when I post just to see your face....now is one of them. Love you Micheal Shane, my son my son...

[Guest msnher]

Hi Indigo's,

Lorri - I'm glad you were able to locate your brother and that Monty was able to bring some comfort to him so he could hold on for a little bit longer. I can imagine the panic you all must have been in.

Dee - I am glad you are feeling a tad better. I love reading about the interaction you have with Eri's friends. I've never met anyone else who spells Susannah with an h on the end. It's a grand name. I'm glad Jon's girlfriend is moving in with him. I hope this move brings some light into his everyday life.

Leah - You wrote, "....but then I try to think that just waking up in the morning is seeing her...." Beautifully said. I needed to be reminded of that. I hope your halloween brings some honest joy and laughter to your heart. I didn't realize we joined BI at about the same time. I can't imagine how you survived the prior three years.

Last night I spent some time going down memory lane by reading my earlier posts and your outpouring of love. I was so desperate for relief during those early days. BI became my lifeline. In many ways you still are.

We had a little scare yesterday. Curtis left to hunt antelope at 5am, saying he'd be home before Cindy got off work at 1:30pm. At 5pm we still hadn't heard from him. Gary told us to wait until two hours after dark before calling in the troops (the sheriff) . Gary's calm, steady rationale prevented us ( me and my daughter in law) from over reacting too much. I thought he was hurt and she thought he was cheating on her again. We were both in a state of quiet panic. She was angry and I was scared. Gary was right. The hunters just didn't have any luck that morning so they stuck around until evening. I walked home and crawled into bed literally shaking.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mysonrich]

good morning, updates. My aunt has a blocked artery. Dr is transferring her to another hospital ( bigger and better) to remove blockage and if necessary, place a stent. Her spirits are good. Today I will tell her that she is missing all the phone calls from politicians running for re-election. CLICK.

Me and my brother are communicating again. Dad is doing better,getting out again. Dad loves to go out for a light lunch at a near-by diner. I believe it's good for the social aspect, with the drawback that many/all seniors face..the death of so many around them. My mom and dad divorced 46 years ago,give/take,and I would guess on this one,but I think her death has affected him as well.

My Moms birthday was the 29th. Many years ago she started a family tradition;given that her children were spread out across US and England for a time, she would call and sing Happy Birthday. We all do that now. I sang Happy Birthday to her and since no one was near-by, no strange looks!

Leah, (((hugs))). I agree with Susannah in regard to the journal. As painful as it was to read, I think your daughter was sharing her pain and suffering of the day that sweet Jaboa entered into Gods hands. We don't need to know all I suppose. My own dilemma in Rich's autopsy report..to review or not....perhaps she felt the need to share this with you,asking for support and understanding of her pain.

Colleen, there is a Dave and Busters near-by. I have never been. Good that you all enjoyed Scotts birthday.

Dee, where's Waldo?

Sherry, there a a bazillion deer in this area. While out walking yesterday I was 50ft from 2 doe. They just stood and looked at me. there was also a big buck not far ahead,hidden in the tree's. Also the neighbors horses which they were out riding near dusk. I catch site of the buck in the early morning before day-break. I see his form and hear a snort at times. I can just make out his shape.

Lorri, sent a prayer up.

Talk of Halloween. Rich's last Halloween was spent at his sisters home in Philadelphia. She had a party and as I said before, so grateful they were friends as well as siblings. My ex and his sister never talk.never did get along. I could never understand that and while the kids were growing up, I remember telling them during the small sibling battles that someday they would be each others best friend. they were.

When they were young I would dress up and take them trick or treating. One year I did not and when questioned, I had to hurry and put together a costume. Its was fun.

He is a Jester here at Christmas,my employer party at the time. I lost some pics when the HD crashed and haven't scanned back to PC yet. Here's my boy.

[lolynbo]

GEEEEEZ Lori, I am sorry. When folks take those measures, they are in despair. I know you must be so worried. How old is your Brother? Was he married and divorced or living with someone for a long time? I will pray that your Bro has the ability to get so me sleep and see how the world looks tomorrow. Hang on Brother, there is more to this life that can be good.

HE WAS MARRIED FOR 15 YRS HIS WIFE TOLD HIM SHE WASNT HAPPY AND HASNT BEEN FOR 14 OF THOSE 15 AND THEY GOT DIVORCED..THEN SHE WANTED HIM BACK WHEN HE STARTED TO DATE.....SO HE TOOK HER BACK THEN HE KICKED HER OUT, THEN TOOK HIS GF BCK...THEN GF GOT MAD AND MOVED THEN MOVED BACK IN....LATELY HE SAID GF IS TEXTN HER BOSS ALOT AND CLLING HER BOSS BF AND HE CALLS HER GF...SO HE TOLD HER HE WAS TIRED OF IT....NOW HE WANTS HER BACK....HE HATES SSSSSSS TO BE ALONE...BUT HE CANT FIND THE RIGHT ONE IF HE KEEPS JAKKN AROUND WITH THE WRONG ONE......HE DOESNT SLEEP WELL AT ALL I THINK HE IS WORE OUT FROM THAT....IT CLD HAVE ENDED VERY BADLY YESTERDAY I JUST HOPE HE NOS WE ALL LOVE HIM AND IT WILL GET BETTR (THIS IS WHAT IVE TOLD HIM)....

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Trudi I have to agree---sometimes I have to post just to see his picture and many times I have to come on here just to see all our angels. Thanks for the nice words about my costume it has been a long time since I participated I love that you are making dream catchers and that my good friend Mutley is still by your side

Dee I am sure you are glad that Jon and his girlfriend will be starting to build a life together It is good that you were able to help yesterday Glad you got to the party with ERI's friends.

Betsy So glad that Dad is bouncing back and that your brother and you are connected again. Glad they have a diagnosis with your aunt I had a stent installed 2 years ago and what a difference it makes!!! :Love Rich's hat Those memories are what makes our hearts smile these days

Leah I hope you are feeling a bit better today and that warm memories of Jo Boa enrich you today as you trick or treat with your little guy.

Sherry Hearing about your moving your Lisa and Davey's garden touched my soul. I am glad you have it back up and it cheers you

Betsy's viewing of the deer reminded me of your home and all the wonderful creatures you describe.

Susannah and Lorrie I am so sorry that you had an additional fright yesterday Glad it worked out and that you could come here and share.

Carol I hope you have a great day today and tell us all about Damien and his Holiday.

I have to run Indigos am thinking of each of you today

[ericasmom]

Thinking of you to Betty and all of our INDIGOS. Happy Halloween, may it be a day that somehow brings a smile or two to those of you so new or so close to an anniversary. I know how foreign a smile might feel, one day though, I still promise, you will smile with ease adn regularity, just not right now, but one day.

[Crystal16]

Happy Halloween Indigo family....

Be safe and enjoy your trick or treat if you go out

[ericasmom]

Betsy, glad that you and Brother are communicating. I will pray that Auntie recovers well and that you are enjoying a good day. Waldo is retiring his red stripes today and getting some homework done, but this darn virus is kicking me in the butt with tired, so I may snuggle up under the sunny skies on the lounge chair adn snooze outside before trickortreaters come.

Trudi, love the stories from your celtic heritage. I hope that you are feeling a might better today as far as inspiration and energy. I do have those flat days, usually several in a row when they come. Let the day move on as you will perk up when your brain and body are so inspired. Love you.

Sus, it is a great name, Susannah in any spelling iteration. Glad Curtis is fine.

[mysonrich]

a doing nothing day. No "make my mind busy" with farmville or other mind numbing stuff. No boards to read. last night it was action flicks which kept my thoughts busy or at bay. anyhow, this makes sense to me.

"Did you ever wonder? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should? It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed." ~ The Five People You Meet in Heaven

and this. I think I need to take a walk!

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

~ Lemony Snicket,

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

[mikesmum]

a doing nothing day. No "make my mind busy" with farmville or other mind numbing stuff. No boards to read. last night it was action flicks which kept my thoughts busy or at bay. anyhow, this makes sense to me.

"Did you ever wonder? Why people gather when others die? Why people feel they should? It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn't just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed." ~ The Five People You Meet in Heaven

and this. I think I need to take a walk!

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

~ Lemony Snicket,

Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

Betsy - This is in the same category as 'my child died before me'. Its a known fact that children do die before their parents, shouldn't happen but it does. I read the Five People you meet in Heaven. In fact I've read most of the Mitch Albom books. I got lost in the For One More Day.....if only...

Wish it didnt take the loss of someone close before the obvious is a reality.

Just when I got through saying how we really don't do Halloween here, Muttley rises up from his snooze last night to be greeted by two masked 'ghouls' about 5 & 7. Mum was parked just up from us. Needless to say I was in PJ's trying to be good so no candy. They smiled and said they'd be back next year so I can buy some candy then.....

Dee - The flat days are running on today. Making myself head out to the local markets that are held around here today. Wandering with Muttley might just be the tonic. Shy of that out in the garden. There has been a break in the weather, not really spring but hey its okay...

Well Indigos its time to walk the pleading brown eyed one. He sits patiently (?) looking up at me, barking outside occassionally..

[summergirl]

Dear Indigo's - Missed last nite as we were just so exhausted....dod not get home until 8 after working at the other house...but alot done. Yes, I remember I cried as I built Jessica's Garden, tears of saddness and happiness...many mixed emotions....but taking it apart was WOW....especially when I saw the tears on Barry's face as I was trying to hide mine....we just stood together and let the tears fall. Yes....we will build a new one for our Jessica and it will be just as beautiful. It will not go in until the spring but that is ok as I want to do a bit of research on some different plants, etc. Two more walls and the house will be completely primed and then onto the real painting......Kitchen / diningroom completely done and looking great... Going on-line to look at different ideas for Tavians room as he wants an aquarium room We have painted one wall a nice dark blue and will buy some vinyl stickers of sharks and different fish for the bottom half of that wall and hopefully I am creative enough to figure out the top part of the wall......IDEA'S ???

Tavian had a good day today (I am not a fan of Halloween)....his friend John Henry called and they

went pumpkin picking at Pumkin Town and then they all went trick-or-treating together...it was good as I got alot more painting done and he got to spend time with his friend...He is very tired tonight so off to bed early....

Me tired too.......I think after I am done with all the painting I DO NOT want to paint for a very long time..... I will catch up with all as soon as possible....until them take care and peace and love to all....Kathy

[summergirl]

JABOA, JABOA, JABOA - SWEET, SWEET ANGEL....how missed you are by your grandma and all who love you. Send feather touches to all letting them know that you surround them....shine bright sweet little one.....

[mikesmomrs]

We thoroughly enjoyed our visit with my sister…she does look so very thin, though, and this worries me. She did seem okay, and able to go out with us for lunch, etc. She will be leaving for Florida the end of next month, and she will have her 83^rd birthday just before she leaves. I am so blessed that she and my sister-in-law are close, and the six months they are in Florida, they actually live together, so Dorothy has someone with her. I hope to be able to visit them there again this spring…I was not able to last year due to Ralph’s diagnosis, etc. The year before that I went and had a wonderful week with them. This is a pic of them, (Betty is on the left, and Dorothy on the right) in Florida, two years ago, going to a halloween event at the clubhouse...Dorothy is so much thinner now...

Dee, I am sorry that you’ve been under the weather…I hope next week finds you feeling the sunshine in your bones again. I would love to have seen you dressed as Waldo… I am glad also that Jonathan’s girlfriend is moving in with him…glad that you got to help fix things up in their apartment with them, also. Jonathan is blessed to have you in his life, as you are to have him.

Trudi: I did see the “rainbow” in the picture, also…there was also a heart right beside it. It was laying sideways, but it was a heart. Thank you for sharing. Mike loved Celtic lore and mythology, also. He had a couple of books about it. He also wanted him and Sarah to have “celtic knot” wedding rings, but they didn’t have the money at the time, so wound up getting just simple white gold bands with beading on the edges. He had given her a heart-shaped diamond engagement ring, so that was what went best with it, anyway.

Leah: I am glad we were able to help you through these past few days…I don’t know what I would do without our fellow indigos, either…they keep me from “running off the road” when my feet start to slip out from under me.

Lorri: So sorry about your brother…praying that all is okay and he will realize that there are people who love him and care about what happens to him. I am also sorry that you have such sad memories of Kourt’s last Halloween…I pray the day will come when the sweeter ones, filled with precious memories, will fill your heart and mind again…

Betty: I loved your costume…so cute and glamorous…and I agree, your eyes are such a beautiful blue. I didn’t get any pics of Damon…I don’t think they actually went out because Sarah was still feeling very sore from the car accident. I think that they just went to her brothers and mother’s houses and then back home. This is a pic of Damon I took when he was there...this is the costume that he wore on halloween...Iron Man...check out those muscles!

I was looking for a picture of Mike in a halloween costume...couldn't find one right now, but came across this one of him and his dad, while we were in Guam..at a carnival..I notice Mike's foot firmly anchored under his dad's knee...no way he was going into that fountain!

Sus: Did your little guys go out? Do you have pics? So glad that Curtis came home safely…those hours of not knowing…torturous, I’m sure.

Kathy: I felt your pain as I read of your sorrow over dismantling Jessica’s garden…I know that it will be reconstructed at your new home, with every ounce of love that put the first one together…she will be right there with you, every step of the way. I am so glad that you are Barry were able to comfort each other as the tears fell…

Colleen: So glad that everyone had such a good time…it sounds like a fun place to be, but like some of the others, the noise level would have rattled me. I’ve overcome worse, though, in the name of “fun” for the kids…the local bowling alley comes immediately to mind…they have a “fun room” with games, etc., as well, and when we took the kids bowling, the noise level was pretty high most of the time we were there J

Betsy: I am so glad that you have good memories of trick or treating with your kids…it must have been fun dressing up and going out with them. We also have the tradition of calling to sing happy birthday, first thing in the morning, before they leave for the day, and I am glad that you felt able to sing happy birthday to your mom…we know that she heard you and smiled. Also glad that you and your brother are communicating again, and your dad is up and about some. Part of your quote “…and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things." This so very accurately describes the way I would feel, those first days of waking up, the days after they wheeled my son out of the house, face uncovered at our request, and never to see his wry grin again, never to hear his telephone inquiry of “watcha doin’…and me never again able to reply: talkin’ to you…” Those gut-wrenching first days…oh, God, so pain-filled, so difficult…so endless. At that point in time, there is no thought of that pain ever becoming “softer,” ever being bearable…but thank God, it does, and we are able to live, to breathe, until that pit opens again…

Rhonda: I am happy that you find comfort here…this journey is lonesome, bumpy, treacherous at times, and having somewhere to go where you know that you will be understood and your feelings will be accepted as real and not something you can just “store away” can be lifesaving.

Sherry: I too am happy that your husband felt David with him as he worked in the garden...I am sure he was right there beside him!

Another friend of Davis has died… another family on this horrible journey...the young man had a motorcycle accident Saturday night, coming home. His name was announced in church today, requesting prayers for his family, but we did not know who he was until Davis came home and told us. I feel so bad for his parents…knowing the pain they are feeling. He (Tyler) was a couple of years younger than Davis, but went to the same school, and has worked with Davis for the last year or so. Davis didn’t talk much about it, which makes me worry…I will have to see tomorrow if he wants to talk about it. Unfortunately, Davis is not doing well right now…he feels so lonely and isolated and as a result has not tried to push himself into inquiring about any new activities. I mentioned to him today that there are soccer and basketball teams (he was an ace soccer player and likes basketball) out there that consist of some guys his age, not competitive, just friendly games, and maybe he could ask on his facebook if there are any close by. He didn’t respond much…hopefully, though, I’ve planted a seed for thought. Please keep Davis and Tyler's family in your prayers.

love and a peaceful week ahead...to all of my fellow indigos...Bonnie, Marcia, Crystal, Karen, and anyone I may have missed...

carol mikesmomrs

[Guest msnher]

Halloween 2010

The kids had a blast. First we went to the stores at the mall...then we took them door to door in the "rich" section of town...we ended the night at the fire dept where a big bon fire was going and we roasted hotdogs. All in all a good night!

Hope you all are well.

[Guest msnher]

testing

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Wow Susuannah I love the sweet wonderful picture of your Trick or Treaters What beautiful girls and such a handsome young man So glad that you all had a good time. I try each day to honor life it certainly looks like you did well today

Trudi and Betsy I hope you had a restful inspiring day and that nature helped to sooth your soul

Dee feel better and remember to continue to rest and take care of you.

Leah, Karen, Rhonda, I hope the day was peaceful for you

Carol thanks of the picture of Damien his costume Adorable!! as usual. The trip down memory lane with Mike and his dad was a precious shot as well. I also loved the pictures of your sister and the lovely Halloween attire

My sister is nearly 80 and was rushed to the hospital on Friday. She was severely dehydrated and had flue like symptoms I went to see her today and tried to bring cheer It worked I have included a picture of the visit .

I am happy that I could be there today and I know how glad you are to be able to be there for your sister.

Take care Indigos you are all in my thoughts

[ericasmom]

Prayers being said for both Davis adn Tyler Carol. I sure hope that Davis can find a way to see that his life does matter, but it is very hard to not become kind of frozen, worried to do any one thing when so many around you have left early. Deep prayers for him. Sweet Lord and all of our Angels, please bless Davis with a special kind of light that will bounce off his heart adn reflect into his memories. Let this light also illuminate his steps for these tenuous times, letting him see that forward movement is the best kind, that each step forward can unveil the goodness and the joy of this world.

Thanks for the photos Carol, Betty, Sus. Betty, so lovely that you brought your sis so much cheer. The two of you in hats is a kick. All so wonderful. I am off to bed, very tired but beginning to feel a bit better.

[lolynbo]

We have painted one wall a nice dark blue and will buy some vinyl stickers of sharks and different fish for the bottom half of that wall and hopefully I am creative enough to figure out the top part of the wall......IDEA'S ???

I AM NOT CREATIVE BUT WHEN U POSTED THIS I THOUGHT OF THE FISSH NETTING U CAN BUY AT HOBBY LOBBY OR PROB ANY WHERE...YOU CLD PUT IT TO THE TOP OF THE CEILING THEN PUT SEA SHELLS IN IT THAT YAL HAVE COLLECTED...SOME OF THE FISH NETS COME IN DIFF COLORS...AND AFFORDABLE....

WELL TONIGHT TURNED OUT SOOOOO MUCH BETTER THEN I THOUGHT IT WLD.....MONTY CALLED AND SAID "BUDDY WANTS TO BUY STEAKS AND GRILL EM AT THE HOUSE IS THAT OK"...I SAID "YA SDS FINE..." AND THEN MONTY SAID "AND WANTS TO HELP HAND OUT CANDY TOO"....SO I WENT TO WALGREENS AND GOT $20 WORTH OF CANDY OR SO.......WHEN THE BOYS GOT HOME WE WATCHED THE END OF NASCAR WITH SURROUND SD...THEN COOKED SOME GREAT STEAKS ON THE GRILL WITH CORN AND POTATOES.....THEN THE KIDS STARTED COMING.....THE BOYS DRESSED UP AND SCARED ALL THE KIDS...THEN WE WALKED AROUND THE NEIGHBOR HOOD AND SCARED THEM SOME MORE....I WAS DRESSED NORMALLY WITH A TOP HAT...AND CAMERA....IN ALMOST EVERY PIC I TOOK I GUESS MY GIRL WAS WITH US...THERE WAS AN ORB...WELL THE PIC DIDNT POST I WILL POST IT TOM...

[mikesmum]

Such beautiful 'witches'. Betty love your smile....

Carol - I am so glad you could see the images in the sky. I begin to worry when Mal and others cant see what I see, then I remember, only a few can see what I see.

My heart goes out to Davis and Tylers families. I remember when my dad lost three friends in the space of a week. He was so depressed, mortality was in his face. Its harder when the lives lost are those of the young. Davis is so important to you his extended family. Hope he can see that, hard I know.

Spent all afternoon in the garden. Still having trouble shaking the dark cloak. Spoke with Steven and Melissa, they both want to come home "to the hills" for Christmas. I guess its that time of the year....in my world the dates blur.

Sleep well Indiogs.....

[Guest msnher]

Lorri - that was definitely a creative idea! I wish I had done that for Jonathon, but he's into ball sports and space. My son is the fisherman. I'm going to share your idea with them. Glad you all had a good time scaring children. LOL The kids went to one house where the adult (I guess) answered the door all scary and the kids screamed and then laughed about it all night. Two yr old Kaylee just would look at them and say "Oooo yucky, Mommy!" LOL

Kathy - Even though it was painful, I love how you and Barry shared the emotions of digging up Jessica's garden. I wish I could articulate what goes through my gut every time I read about or think about her garden. I don't want to minimize what digging it up means. But, each time I get a "kick" in my stomach that says "this is good". If I could transfer the emotion and reaction I get about it to Dee she could describe it. Jessica is going with you to your new home. I can't help but think she may have even orchestrated it. The new garden will not only symbolize who she was, it will symbolize who she IS. She is new, transplanted, yet very much alive and present in your lives. Still growing. Still beautiful. Transplanting her garden is a perfect analogy of her transition to the non physical. "There is no death."

Damn! That was good. I needed to hear that! I feel motivated, now. Thanks, Jessica!!

Betty - The picture of you and your sister makes me miss my sisters. You are such a good, good woman!

Carol - love the photos. How do you get them in your text like that? I have tried posting elsewhere and copying and it just doesn't work for me. I joined photo bucket, but don't know how to use it! Anyway, I love your photos. I'm so sorry to hear of Davis' friend. Another death. I will keep him in my prayers.

Betsy - The quotes are definitely strong food for thought. I read "The five people you meet in heaven" years ago. Maybe it's time I dig it out again.

Trudi - Does that mean you won't have Christmas at your beach house? I pray your dark cloak lightens today! I love the pictures you post of your beloved Australia. Especially the sky. It's the same sky. Our children are no longer inhibited by distance. I just got a giggle tickle. Either I'm hallucinating caused by not enough sleep and too much sugar ( ) or our angels are "talking" to me this early morning. Cool. I don't care if I'm hallucinating. It feels good and fun. So, if I'm NOT hallucinating and this is real.........Micheal Shane is surely a joyful, happy soul! I'd describe him as a leprechaun but he's not Irish. But, that's what it kind of feels like. Even to the point of kicking his heels (mid air, mind you). If I'm not hallucinating, he wanted to stress that point. Sheese, Trudi! How did you ever keep a straight face around your son? He loved life! correction.... HE LOVES LIFE!

Well, this is getting to be a bit much for even me............Our angels are celebrating US! And, as sweet as it is, it makes me sad. My sadness stopped their party. They're just looking at me, wanting to make it better. If I'm not hallucinating, Stephanie is trying to comfort me but it's not working because I can't touch her. They're gone now.

Well, that was a bit odd.

I'm definitely going to regret posting this...but, I'm doing it anyway. I've totally lost my train of thought or ability to respond to everyone....

Susannah/Stephanie's mother

[Guest msnher]

Trudi - I met another Muttley last night at the fire dept. A basset hound. We loved on him and I thought of your Muttley, wishing I could love on him too. I must say, I really love dogs! They bring me so much joy....even in the worst of times. Unconditional love.

[Guest msnher]

Just sayin'.........

Use Muslims on commercial airliners to terrorize Americans and make whites and/or Christians afraid of Muslims. Then try to set bombs off at Muslim mosques when whites and Christians are most afraid of Muslims. If it had been successful, it might have looked like whites and/or Christians did it, therefore making Muslims more afraid of whites and/or Christians. It's really quite ingenious (although evil) how hate and fear, when used correctly, generate hate and fear. Gosh, if the powers that be and/or whomever/whatever are benefiting can successfully keep hate and fear of each other alive, they just may be able to keep war and injustice alive indefinitely. Hate and fear perpetuate hate and fear. It's brilliant. We not only become afraid of the color of one's skin, we become afraid of the country one originates from and/or their spiritual beliefs and/or practices. What better way to gain control and make us all behave.

Love is the answer. We must love peace more than we hate war. We can be the change we want to see in the world. We must not allow the pain of death, loss and injustice paralyze our ability to love one another.

We must love peace more than we hate war. We must love peace more than we hate war. We must love peace more. We must love peace. We must love.

[Guest msnher]

Okay....I'm done for the day.....I think I'll plant a flower in honor of Jessica today!

[rlolheiser]

good morning my Indigo family!

Last night was a good one, it turned out much better than I thought it would/ I ended up taking out a couple of my nieces along with the kids. We started the night with my daughter and her baby, we brought them home early and I went out with the nieces, my grandaughter and my son. they were great, no fights.. just running from door to door, I would pick them up and go find another group of houses. I didn't get out of the car much because my knee was hurting all day, but the pain eased up. I got out one set of houses and experienced a wonderful feeling. the kids had run way ahead of me, and there was a bright white figure walking my way. It was like unreal, the child looked so much like JaBoa, and she kept walking toward me, nobody else was around.. she slowly passed me and I know I stared at her probably too much but there was a beautiful smile on her face for an instance.. along with a light.. by the time we were shoulder to shoulder the looks were normal again. jsut a little girl... but for a brief moment i felt visted by my baby.. the first in so very long a time. I know it was probably my imagination.. but it just felt good, felt right// The kids came backto me and told me they were ready to call it night.. and my world felt right for awhile.

Susannah.. it had been a tough time without friends.. being here a year has been the smartest thing I have ever done.. I would encourage anbody going through grief to come here.

Dan.. thank you so much for the beautiful picture, you always do such a great job for us.

I am having a tough time writing.. I can't find my glasses.. so I guess I should close out.. not sure I am catching all my mistakes..

I just wanted to thank you all again and I will catch up later..

[westleysmom]

Leah-I'm glad the weekend wasn't too much for you and you got an unexpected visit from an angel. Hope the knee is feeling better

Susannah-Your little trick or treaters were so cute. My husband usually hunts alone, I make him take his phone, but I worry when he is the least little bit late. I'm glad your hunters were fine. They're just lucky you didn't strangle them when they got back!

Dee-Hope your nap in the sun helped you to mend.

Carol-Iron Man isn't supposed to be cute, but he is. I'm so sorry that Davis has lost another friend and of course sorry for Tyler's family. They will be in my thoughts as they begin the journey.

Betsy-Loved the picture of Rich as a Jester. When he got older, Westley wasn't much for dressing up. Except there is a picture of him last year in a Sarah Palin wig that is hysterical. They gave it to me at the funeral home, in a frame. I think there was alcohol involved. But he was smiling and happy and I can't think about that picture without crying.

Lorri-I'm thinking of your brother and hoping that things start to look up for him. MMM-grilling out sounds good. We usually can grill out most of the winter, but you have to wear a coat while you're out there. Our weather has been nice after the storms last week.

Trudi-Just thinking about Christmas is giving me a hard time. I know I have to deal with it and get through it, but not wanting to. That dark cloak is heavy, I hope that you are able to take it off and rest soon.

Betty-I hope your sister gets better soon.

I went to the cemetery yesterday. Westley's friend James' little sister Ruth came up while I was there. She's a sr in high school. She thought of Westley as another big brother, and I think he thought of her as a little sister. She sat with me for a while and we talked and cried. I'm glad they haven't forgotten him yet. I hope they never do, but kids grow up and move on. More easily than old people like me, I'm afraid. My little sweetheart was a kitty cat. She was supposed to be a lady bug, but wore that costume on Saturday night and was tired of it for Sunday. I took a picture of the clouds last night that I want to post, but not sure how. I'll try to figure it out, but I'm technologically challenged. It looks like a dove or an angel. We were at our church for trunk or treat, where we all get together so the kids don't have to be on the roads. It was a nice night. We had over 100 kids come, so we ran out of candy. They had hot dogs and popcorn and drinks for them too, if they wanted. One "holiday" down, two to go. It's All Saints Day today, I'm not exactly sure what that means, but have a good one all.