Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

HAPPY 4TH TO ALL OF YOU AND OUR ANGELS....SET SOME OFF LAST NIGHT FOR JUST OUR ANGELS...(KODY AND CODY DID)....

THANK YOU FOR THE LATTE...MMMMMM I NEEDED THAT...

STILL KINDA RAINING HERE HOPE WE GET TO SET THE PIRATE SHIP OUT AND MAKE WITH THE BOOTY.....I WILL POST PICS TOM

[mikesmomrs]

Anni:  Tears fell as I read the article on your Nicole...  Your statement "It’s as if that person’s life is somehow less valuable or honorable than another person who died under different circumstances,” was heart-rending...When our child leaves this earth before us, the cause, the reason, the manner in which they leave is so very irrelevant...they are gone...our hearts are broken forever, our lives are changed forever, our "normal" is no more...the sadness of not having them in our lives permeates our very soul for the rest of our lives.  The last thing we ever need is to feel that others think of our child as somehow less deserving of being missed or grieved for, simply because of the way in which they die.  I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Nicole.  I am glad that you were able to speak out and have this put into the article on Nicole.

 

Lorri:  I am glad that you guys had fun last night...thanks for the ones set off for our angels...I am sure that all of our angels loved them!   Any more news on the race track reopening?

 

Dee:  I am so glad that you have that supper with Erz to look back on and bring a smile to your heart...thinking of you and holding you close.   

 

Trudi:  Thank you so much for sharing your little smile from Micheal---the heart in your latte...  What a great way to start the day!   Here is one for you...we got this the other night when we went out for dinner...when I lifted my glass of water, this was underneath... (the "heart shadow) at the bottom of the pic was just a bonus...)

I know that you don't celebrate the 4th "down under," but I hope you are having a good weekend.

 

got to get ready for church...

 

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

 

 

[westleysmom]

Trudi & Anni,

I don't mention it at first because of what you said, that people seem to judge when death was caused by drugs/alchohol. Westley had a couple of beers and ocycodone in his system, the official cause was combined acute intoxication.  And he had sleep apnea, which already affected his breathing.  We didn't know for a couple of months because it took that long to get the reports, but we guessed.  He didn't have chronic pain, but worked hard and his knees/back sometimes bothered him.  I'm not sure where he got the pills.  I know he knew you shouldn't mix the two, but at 20 I guess you think it won't happen to you.  It has been very hard for me, and reading recent posts, tried to remember the last meal we had together, just to see if I could.  I cooked a huge pork roast and made mashed potatoes, which he loved.  He at a whole lot on Monday night, and on Tuesday he didn't come home after work, not unusual, and Wednesday morning, we got the call.  I finally threw the leftover roast away when I thought it was smelling funny in the frig.  I don't know why I didn't throw it away at first, because I knew I wouldn't be eating any more of it.  He told me after he ate how good it was.  And then he went out and came in so late we had a fight, because it was a work night and I knew he shouldn't be out that late and suspected he had been drinking.   But I talked to him on Tuesday and told him I loved him and he told me the same. He sounded fine, happy.  I still can't believe it. 

Last Sunday at a wedding shower, the mother of an old friend, a woman I hadn't seen in ages, asked me what "really happened"  My daughter said I should have told her my son "really died" and that's all I knew.  But I told her that he had sleep apnea, a statement of fact.  And left it at that.  I don't have to tell people I don't think want to know for the right reasons. 

Dee I've lived here in TN all my life.  We had terrible flooding in early May, but I live pretty far from the river, so it didn't get our house or anything.  We live near Nashville.  It doesn't get as bitter cold here, but this past winter, we had way more snow than usual.  The first few weeks after Westley's funeral, (it was almost 60 degrees that day and the two following, which was Westley's 21st birthday) we had several snowstorms and was very cold.  I had a great reason to stay home and I did, but I'm afraid that I won't like snow as much anymore. Its so rare here and I always loved to see it coming down, so quiet and sparkling.  We were wrong all along, weren't we?  But we fixed good dinners and prayed for them and loved them, and we were good parents, even if we were wrong about some things.  I'm holding on to that and Westley's dad and sister, and his memory and you guys.

Happy fourth of July to all!

Rhonda Westley's Mom

 

[ericasmom]

Somehow a happy 4th of JULY to All. May we one day soon see a peaceful USA getting along with everyone and tending to issues other than war. One can't make peace with war, though I do understand the reasons adn the mayhem that leads to wars, and in many cases, the lies told to justify wars, but really, killing and maiming cannot stop killing adn maiming. I try very hard to teach peaceful endeavours to third graders as they will be voting and growing into our government next. It can be more peaceful, I just know it.

Rhonda, indeed we are good Moms, Dads, and Grandparents here, we loved/love our Children well, they knew it and we know of theirs but somehow, they didn't get to the next day. Our job is to find out how to do that the best way we can to honor both their lives and ours. And when someone says, "so what really happened" give the answer you did or your Daughter's. PERFECT.

 Keep on Truckin' Everyone.

[shorty16]

Beyond indigo

This is Aaron and I on our cruise.  We had a great time.

Colleen

[shorty16]

This is "The Gang."  Alysha, Dallas, Aaron (Birthday Boy) and my Aaron.  They were going para-sailing.

Colleen

[shorty16]

Bonnie,  I took Brian, Jason and my Mother on St. Thomas USVI.  All the other angels met me on shore!!!

Colleen

[shorty16]

Indigos

I bought myself a present.  An emerald ring.  1.81 ct emerals, .51 ct diamonds in 18k gold.  I have been pricing them for a long time.  Most are milky-looking.  This one is so clear.  Amazing what God can make!

Colleen

[shorty16]

Carol, Mike visited me in the Bahama's (Half Moon Cay).  This island is privately-owned by Carnival.  The sand was all white, but I still managed to find this - coincedence?

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Colleen, welcome home. The smiles on yours and Aaron's faces tell the story...seems you had a lovely time. Did the kids go para-sailing? Eri did that, I nearly threw up watching. I am glad that you bought yourself an emerald, always a great choice and one of my favorites.

Okay, forgive my lack of visual skills, what is the heart on adn what is it made of? Looks like bread dough to me.

Tell us all about the places you went. Which was the prettiest? What did you do while Aaron was off with friends?

Love,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Colleen:  so glad to see you back, and so glad to see/hear that you and Aaron had such a great time..I love, love the ring...Emerald is Cathi's birthstone; have always loved them.  So good that you felt okay doing something just for you!  As for the heart...well, likely Mike was trying to find a way to thank you for putting some of his ashes in the Pacific for him...he was just waiting for the right moment!  Coincidence?  Not!  We here all have learned there are no coincidences...

love and peace, carol mikesmomrs

I hope everyone is enjoying this weekend...

[mysonrich]

Happy 4th everyone. Thinking of my boy, he loved fireworks. And I guess starting the field on fire , and putting it out was ok. He did put it out!

Unlike his mother, playing around with matches around the same age.Someone called the fire dept. for me!

I'm thinking of you all.Kind of blue lately. (((hugs)))

Betsy,mysonRich

 

[daveydow1]

Prayers please, for a family whose son committed suicide yesterday,

following the holiday parade. He shot himself. He was 33 yrs. old. The parents are

 doubly devastated, as their older son committed suicide also, about 10 yrs. ago at

 the age of 20., also with a gun. The younger son was my daughter's friend in

high school. My husband worked, for a time, with the dad. These things are so

tragic..

 

Colleen-----Great pics. Your emerald ring is lovely. My Mother's Ring has

sm.emeralds, since my first three kids were all born in May. I'm glad that

you had a nice time on vacation.

Rhonda-----The lady who asked you "what 'really' happened"?  when referring

to Westley's death sounds just nosey and nervy. The answer you gave was

a good one.

Dee---Quiet day at home today. Becky, Jeremy & the grandies came over, and

also my 90 yr. old mom. She wanted to see everyone, the garden, flowers etc.

We had a nice visit, and I made fried chicken and picnic food. Ice cream cones

for the kids.  They had difficulty with their regular food... "too full" they whined.....

BUT   lots of room for ice cream cones !  .......Just like kids.  They did a good

job keeping up with the cones in the heat.

Dan-----THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL GRAPHICS FOR ALL OUR KIDS. You are

 very talented in that area......(I have trouble even posting a pic on here :?)

     Take care everyone.

                 Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry 

[heartbeataway]

Hi guys,

I love the hearts our kids are giving out!  Very cool!

Colleen,

Thank you so much for taking Jay along with you!  Very, very sweet and compassionate.

I love your new ring!  I'm a sapphire lover and would cherish a ring as beautiful as yours!

I'm happy for you!

LOVED the pictures!  Precious memories!

For the new parents, I'm sorry you're hurting and even have a reason to be among us.

Love to you on this hardest of all lifes journeys!

Dan,  thanks for the sweet greeting!

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

Bonnie and Betsy, so good to see you today, I think of you both and hope that you are well. Betsy, blue is certainly understandable. Anything we can do for you? Are you moving in with your Auntie?

Sherry, I am praying for the family you told us of. How horribly sad for them. How will those parents face tomorrow? Prayers for their broken hearts, and prayers too, for the young man whose despair did not allow him to see around the corner. Sadness beyond words.

Glad for you that the Kids were with you guys adn that they did have room for ice cream.

Husband and I had a very quiet night, and when he went to bed at 9:00 (bah humbug to fireworks) I went out to walk around the block to see what I could see. I was not seeing the fireworks from my deck so as I walked, I saw my good friend Marion, (my friend that had a bike accident, still healing) and she was also in search for the fireworks. So we went to the next block and stood where there were no obstructions and sure enough, watched a great show coming from the park she and I both took our kids to when they were young. We both happened to live in Oak Park back then, our girls met in kindergarten at the school where I now teach. Anyhow, she moved here in River forest a few years before me, and it was quite a nice thing to move onto a new block knowing someone. I ramble on. So Marion and I shared a nice event without crowds and happily walked back to our homes. Now as I have heavy eyelids, the teens two doors down are shooting off fireworks that are noisy and even though the windows are shut and the air conditioner is on, they are loud. HOpe they don't wake the sleeping bear down the hall.

Dan, I agree, great graphic and a good reminder to keep those involved in the military in our prayers.

Peace Dear Indigos.

dee

[mikesmum]

Wow Miss Colleen....great pics of you and your boy...love the tan.   LOVE that ring!

Bowling was a hoot and a half.  13 of us ranging from 3yrs to 55yrs all in our bowling shoes trying our best to knock down those white red ringed pins!   Emily was the highest scorer 148.  Jeya (3yrs) came second. The only concession was they had bumpers, but even then Em hardly used them!!

Today we saw Toy Story 3 3D.  Four grandies Mal and I.  Don't know how young working families can afford anything like this for the holidays...so expensive!

I met up with Melissa to drop off her two, thats their motorbike trailer.  Dropped Stevens off on the round trip..

Just some pics......Not just Mike missing, Harmony is now 4 and sadly missed on our grandy days.

Coooool glasses

Princess Jeya.  Em made the crown...Jeya did the stickers.

The ball just went.

Caleb waiting for his turn

Zak and Jeya on the bike trailer.

Two young boys sunning themselves on the boot of the car

Jeya and her heroine Emily!

So tired to night.  More muscles than I thought I had now aching.....sleeeeppppp!!

[mysonrich]

Death can sneak up on you like a silent kitten, surprising you with it's touch and you have a right to act surprised. Other times death stomps in the front door, unwanted and unannounced, and makes it's noisy way to your seat on the sofa.

Hugh Elliott, Bible Versus, 11-27-08

Elliott, sums "it" up. BI, we, I,  fit this quote.

Ramble...Fireworks are legal to sell In Pennsylvania, but not legal to set off. Dee, I just sat outback and a 360 degree view of the fireworks. Not small stuff either. I worked Saturday. On the mountain I had a view of the large displays, the towns, the arena, the casino. When I leave this place ,this memory will always be forefront in my mind. Now, one may say there was just a little too much beer flowing last night. Maybe. But what i also know , the patriotism in this area is second to none.

 

When Rich,Sarah and I were up here for a visit with Alice, my best bud from Jr. High, I allowed Rich to buy fireworks with his own money. Fireworks are illegal to buy,sell, set off in New Jersey where we lived. I put his box of fireworks in the trunk and tried to bury them. I pictured this, going over the state line/river and the statey's pulling me over and dragging me off to jail. With that thought in my mind and making it over the river without any flashing lights in the rear view mirror, I decided to take the fireworks to Rich's dads house. After all, Rich would be there on the 4th . Rich was soooo mad. He kept a couple small items. Little tanks that when lit, were propelled forward in their glory. That I think, started a small brush fire.

 

Thinking of Alice. I talked to her 2 days ago. I have to admit I know nothing, hardly, of the treatment of breast cancer. Yes, I know women that have breast cancer, the steps that are taken to battle it but what is done and when , I don't know. Alice had surgery. I don't understand why , "they" don't know the stage of cancer she is in. She isn't healing right at one incision site so "they" want to try again. Alice wants to go to Philly for a second opinion. I told her I would go with her. Alice is now a country bumpkin. My SIL has/had breast cancer. A choice , have the breast removed.SIL didn't. Alice now faces that decision. A family that I know, the wife had both breasts removed before cancer reared its ugly head. extreme? I don't think so. She has small twin boys. She wants to live.

 

Dan, I love the graphic. I didn't see it until this morning. I clicked on a link yesterday. Well. A visual will help. The robot from " Lost in Space" DANGER,DANGER,DANGER WILL ROBINSON!   It seems the virus was from the company that wanted me to buy their antivirus program. It had me totally locked out. SO far, so good..what ever I did. But, I feel it lurks beneath the surface.

 

Sus, the pictures are beautiful and I also read your ramble. I didn't call the shrink. I don't think anyone of us did. What does that say? ha ha

 

Dee, Yes. I am moving. Going through papers. Remember hand written ,paper, nice stationary letters? I have many. Lots from my mom. I will always treasure these. I was going about my business yesterday and the tears flowed. My son,my mom,my sister,my nephew, my friend....my now sick friend...Alice said once, " why does this keep happening to you?" Did it happen to me, or did it happen to them?

 

MaryAnn, I work with a transplant from Bear, DE. Thinking of you.

 

Betty, (((hugs))).

 

Colleen, nice ring, nice tan and beautiful smiles!

 

Lorri, aarrgh !

 

My son told me once that I move around because i think things will be better somewhere else. He was right. At the time it was to make the lives of my children ":better". Not that I moved a lot. After the divorce, we stayed put. They may know it now , the divorce was also to make their life "better".

 

I don't know what will unfold next. " for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction". Yes. I liked physics. Maybe,just maybe, the opposite reaction will do somebody some good. Turn things around, not just for me.

 

I love you all

Betsy,mysonRich

[lolynbo]

VERY EMOTIONAL TIME YEST...MISSING MY GIRL...AS WE ALL ARE..MISSING OUR ANGELS....

AND THE BOY THAT WAS HIT BY DRUNK DRIVER "BEN"...HE DID PASS AWAY YEST...WITH BELIEVE IT OR NOT HIS MOTHER , GPS, AND AUNTS BY HIS SIDE....SO NEEDLESS...YOU NO THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO ABOUT THE BRAIN TUMOR...BUT ACCIDENTS LIKE THIS ARE JUST SO NEEDLESS..THIS DIDNT HAVE TO HAPPEN.....

 

WE HAD FUN ON THE BOAT GOT PULLED OVER 2 XS BY LAKE PATROL...HE THOUGHT WE HAD FULL CAPACITY...WE HAD 12 PPL AND OUR BOAT HOLDS 16...HE BOUT FEEL OUT OF HIS BOAT...COULDNT BELEIVE IT...BUT WE WERE 2 LIFE JACKETS SHORT SO WE WENT AND PLUNDERED 2 ...AND GAVE THEM BACK...BELIEVE THAT OR NOT...THEN WE GOT PULLED OVER AGAIN CUZ OUR BACK LIGHT WAS OUT....MONTY WAITID TIL THE DAY OF TO LOOK FOR BULB....A FRIEND OF OURS LET US BARROW THEIR SPOT LIGHT SO WE HAD HUGE BRIGHT LIGHT ON THE BACK BEEMING UP TO THE STARS....

THEN ONE OF MY FRIENDS WENT REDNECK AND GOT IN FIGHT IN PARKING LOT...AND BEAT THE HELL OUTTA THIS GIRL (GRIL HAD TRIED TO SELL HER SON SOME DRUGS). AND THE COPS WERE CALLED AGAIN...SO THEY SEARCHED OUR BOAT AND AVELANCHE FOR HER.........NEVER FOUND MY FRIEND.....LOL SHE WAS IN HER TRUCK BESIDE OURS IN FLOORBOARD.....SWEATN HER BUTT OFF UNDER BLANKIES......SHE IS RED NECK.....WEIGHS AOBUT 100PDS WET....OH WELL THEY DIDNT CATCH HER...BUT A REPORT WAS FILED..

WAS GOOD TIME, JUST WASNT THE SAME WITH OUT MY LIL ANGEL....HER IS THE PIC OF THE BOAT...LOOKED BETTER B4 THE WWRECKEAGE BUT THIS IS WHATS LEFT...

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I know that you have so much on your mind, looking behind at what was, ahead at the possibilities, and the right now which finds you blue. so much to ponder, but I am happy about the wonderful memories of Momma's letters. I love your 360 view of your world. all the changes we travel, and many of them not our choosing but we journey on. Traveling mercies to you.

Red-neck sounds difficult, lucky to have a friend in you too. Well stopped that many times makes your boat the most popular. Sounds like fun.

Just watched the Tour de France, we watch it every morning for three weeks each year. I am so enthralled with the effort and strength of the riders. A big fall in the mountains of Belgium today, I cringed as though I was there. The scenery is fabulous.

Hot and breezes and lovely today. Talked to ERi last night as I wandered my neighborhood in the dark knowing how she loved the celebrations.

dee

PS Trud, love the photos and hate that you are missing your Harmony. One day Sister, I so hope that one day soon, She will be in your world.

[westleysmom]

So good to see the pictures of Colleen's cruise.  Love the ring, that's my birthstone, but if I wear anything green I look slightly drunk or very sick, so I've never been big on having emerald jewelry. 

Trudi-3d glasses and bowling shoes make quite the fashion statement.  Too bad you couldn't have both at one time. 

Lorri-in Tennessee we have more rednecks than pirates, but they seem suspiciously similar.

Dee-I have the bah humbug about fireworks too.  After Saturday was so hard for me, Sunday was better.  I wasn't alone and we visited the in-laws and my family in the afternoon.  But I didn't want to see fireworks or hear them.  When we went to bed, they were still setting them off next door.  I wished they would stop.  I've always loved to look up at them,  but I just didn't feel like being happy.  Does death steal everything? 

Anyway, I made it through another "first".  Like it or not.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[mikesmomrs]

This is the first year we didn't see any fireworks...Cathi stayed in her town and took her youngest son and Mike's Kameron to see them there.  We used to see them from our porch in Lee, but since we moved here, we would have to go see them...we've gone with Cathi since Mike died...the first year was just plain hard, cried a lot, but knew he was smiling at my efforts.  This year Ralph was just not up to going out...it was truly hot, and very humid...conditions too over the top for him.

Lorri:  Looks like you all had a fun time---glad your friend was small enough to hide under the blankets on the floorboard...  Prayers for the family who lost their child to drunk drivers...

Betsy:  So good to hear from you and see Rich's smiling face, and also to hear about your previous adventures with Rich.  I am glad you have a 360 degree view also, and know that it must be hard going through all those things getting ready to move.  When we did that to move here, we found so much of Mike's stuff, here there and everywhere.  One day, CAthi was cleaning the kitchen cabinets out, climbed up on a stepladder to reach the top and put her hand over the edge of the top to steady herself...landed on an old GI Joe plate from Mike's youth!  How it ever got up there is anybody's guess...only thing we ever put up there was baskets...Laughter and tears...we all know how that combination can actually be part of something, don't we?

Dee:  I am glad that you talked with Eri on your evening walk, keeping her close by, where I know she loves to be.  I am glad the weather is nice for you today...how did your flowers survive all that rain a while back?  I think you said that your yard was under water...

Bonnie:  Jason's sun-washed face was good to see, also good to hear from you.  How are you managing the Em's return and no longer being at your house?  Whatever she faces where she is, she knows that good exists, that a nice life is possible---as Dee said, she will take those memories with her, always. 

Trudi:  The pics show the story...joy all around...love the glasses pic, how did you get Mal there?  Thanks so much for sharing.  May you one day soon have another grandie there to line up for a pic...

We are trying to decide whether to travel to see Kim, our oldest daughter, in Virginia, before Ralph's surgery.  We know that she can't afford to come up here, and she can't afford to take time off from work to travel even if we gave her the funds.  Ralph is thinking about it, but goes back and forth about it...I hate decisions sometimes...

We did make a decision yesterday---at the furniture store.  We went to buy a new recliner for me, as mine is broken beyond repair, and we wound up buying HIMSELF a new chair, and also a new sofa.  His chair here now is fairly new, but it has become difficult for him to manage the handle on it, plus it does not go back very far...this new chair has a power button for lifting the footrest, and reclining...as does the sofa, which has two sections that move.  So, I will be sitting on the sofa...can't wait...it sure was comfy, and he will have a chair he can manage.  Sarah's mom has been needing a new sofa, so that will have a new home...now to find the chair a new home...  I bought this sofa we now have when Mike became ill...his and Sarah's sofa had broken down and Mike was SO uncomfortable on it...I knew they wouldn't take the money for a new one, so I told them we were buying a new one for us and they could have the old one if they wanted...(old being about 3 years old---so that took some explaining)  So, we got the one we have now...the "old one" was a leather sofa, with reclining end seats...what a chore that was getting it out of the house and into their apartment...but so worth it when I saw them comfortable again.  Cathi now has that sofa, as Sarah's new apartment was too small for it...so the memories linger...we could call it the "Traveling Couch Saga..."

I am rambling...  Have to go and fix my tomato plants as one of the planters has no holes in the bottom and I think it is retaining water as the leaves are turning yellow.  Hot here today, very hot...been in the 90's all day. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs 

 

[daveydow1]

Dee---My husband also is disinterested in fireworks displays, so after the

picnic was over in late afternoon, we just hung around home. When it was

dark, I went out to see if I could see any of the fireworks, but wasn't able to

see anything.......we're too far away from the displays....trees obstructing etc.

But, our neighbors on the next road set off quite a display,  and we

were able to see it very well. Also,  the lightning bugs in the surrounding fields

put on a show of their own . Nice that you took a walk and met up with

Marian, and was able to see the displays. Thanks for the kind words about the

young man who died at his own hand Sat. Those poor parents, and younger

brother.  Such a tragedy.

            Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[ericasmom]

Rhonda,

death does steal everything for a while, and then death actually delivers some new elements to life. As oximoronic as that sounds, I have found jewels buried in the depths of this journey, like a scavenger hunt, each turn takes me to another, a clue to living, sometimes years between finds, but somehow connected to survival and Eri's love.

I do love that you look rather ill or drunk when wearing green. I do turn a certain greenish when I am ill, but still, green remains my favorite color. I am glad that you made it through yet another first, still standing. We are all still standing, unless we are sitting on our new couches adn chairs with automated buttons. Carol, love the traveling sofa stories and the new furniture that will serve you both. Good for you. Hey, your tomatoes are not the only one retaining water, me too. It is HOT, so while breezy, the temps have climbed to Rhonda's neck of the woods, 91 two days now, hot wind, but without the breeze, we'd be cooked. Our garden did okay Carol, though a few plants have not made their way back, so we need to figure this dip in our yard out. Digging a cistern may be the answer. Sherry, glad that you were able to enjoy the day, little ones and icecream cones, and neighbors displays. All a new mix for you. My thoughts to you and prayers continue for your friends who have lost so dearly.

[Guest]

Lorri - I like your redneck friend! 

Rhonda - You must be a May baby?  My youngest was born in May, too.

Carol  - My "grieving chair" is actually the chair I bought for Gary a few Valentine's ago.  I don't think he ever sits in it anymore.  I've stolen it. 

Sherry - So sad for the family who lost another son to suicide.  No words.

We didn't take the kids to see the fireworks last night.  Lots of excuses, all of them good.  But, the fact is, we just didn't want to. 

Betsy - Love your rambling.     love the story of Rich and setting the brush on fire with his little tanks. 

My brain is still mush.  I just don't seem to be able to put two sentences together to make any sense, so I'm closing. 

Love you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

OH AND WE START RACING NEXT WEEK....WE WERE SUPPOSE TO START SAT...BUT WITH THE POSSIBLE RAIN WE DIDNT GET TO...SO KODY WILL BE 2ND IN POINTS WHEN THEY START BACK (WHERE HE WAS)....KODY IS SOOOOO READY..

YA GOTTA LUV REDNECKS....JUST FIGHTING FOR HER KIDS IS ALL....AS I SAID SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SELL DRUGS TO HER 15 YR OLD SON...

[mikesmomrs]

Well, Lorri, if I found someone trying to sell drugs to Davis again, I think I would have to engage them in a close encounter of the GRANDMA KIND!  I've already told him that if he buys drugs again, he'd better find someone pretty big and strong, because I will take them down!  It has been almost two years, two very long years, since we almost lost him...two years ago this September...had I not woke up when I did and found him slumped over the computer chair and just about slapped him into breathing again...I shudder to think of it...  His counselor told us that if he had been there just another couple of minutes, he would have stopped breathing completely.  I really think he got scared that night, scared enough to commit to rehab.  He has just a few weeks left now...we are so proud of him and he's making good decisions now.  He was invited to a July 4th party last night, and he chose to stay home because he knew there were underage kids going to be drinking, and eventually someone would bring in "other" stuff...I knew it was hard for him to not go, but stood firm and stayed here.

Well enough of my rambling down a road of pain...I just pray he never goes there again..

I hope you all have a peaceful evening...those heading out to work again tomorrow...I hope you have a good day.  (When I signed for the sofa yesterday, the form asked for a "work number."  I wrote "N/A---YAY!!!")  The salesman got a chuckle out of that. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[daveydow1]

Susannah----Thanks for your kind words. We have not heard anymore. Imagine

the funeral will be this week, unless they choose to have something totally

private. Poor souls.....I just feel so bad for them.  My mind has also been a

bit like a bowl of melting Jello. You've heard of  'writers block'......well I have

what I call  'reader's block'. I love to read, but lately I have started 5 or 6

books, only to lay them down and not pick them up again. Maybe it's the hot

weather.....but don't think so. It started before the hot streak set in.

Carol---So good of Davis to recognize the danger of that party. YaY for him.

So glad he is continuing on a positive road. Peace to all.

Dee----I'm staying in the basement ........nearly all day....no A/C in this house,

but basement fam. room is 68 degrees. Have TV to watch, stereo, sewing, and

of course my computer & all my friends here at BI. So here I am.  Hot there too, huh?

  Looks like so many states are under a heat alert.  Stay cool.

Lorri---So sorry that the young man (Ben?) passed away. Prayers for his family.

What a wild day you had with the boat and all. Sounds like a lively time.

             davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[rlolheiser]

I haven't had a chance to get online for a bit.  I had a housefull of people since thursday.  My oldest daughter came with 3 of her children, her significant other, and an extra child.  She tries hard to help, but sometimes the help gets me more frustrated.  She worked on my computer and it runs worse than ever now.  The grandkids were a pain, and all they did was complain about being here.  I told them I was sorry it was a hardship for them to visit their grandparents and great grandma.. and told them I will tell their mother not to do it again.  They are all teenagers.. and I shouldn't have been so short with them, but there was no making them happy.  I try hard to make the holiday happy for them all.. and it just seems so useless.

We went to my brother-in-law's for the fireworks, I had to keep going down to check on mom, I can't leave her long, she gets lost so often at home.  I don't know what to do sometimes, she starts each day not remembering what she is doing.  Even using the nebulizer, I have to teach her everyday.  Anyway, my son was true to form, the last thing that was lit was a memory lantern, it floated to the heavens, and my little guy was so excited.. nobody else seemed to care.  It was in sight for quite a while and then just suddenly it vanished.. and he was so eager.. yelled.. JaBoa got it :-) He is the only one that remembered her with me yesterday.  I am so proud of him.. I sure miss that little girl.

I love all the pics, and glad to see you all here.  I need to work on this computer..  hoping you are all well.

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[mikesmum]

As I sit here and read the stories of undeniable strengths I understand the title of the movie "Steel Magnolias". (not taking anything away from the guys who stand like the immoveable pillars from the days of the Romans).

Despite the meltdowns, the being lost, the constant whys whatifs and that never ending feeling of something missing - there is a strength when challenged.  It  arises  and empowers far beyond the norm.

I remember a man coming to my door once.  Polite as you like. Dressed well, healthy, driving a very nice car.  He wanted to speak with Steven, said he owed him $50.  It was about 11yrs ago.  Emily was asleep in the front bedroom.  He was a dealer, not a user.....for me somehow that made it worse.   I told him Steven didn't live with me.  He became a little aggitated and threatening.  I opened the door as he walked back to his car....I was writing his car reg as he hurled abuse. 

I called the local police.  They knew Steven. They knew this guy.  He sold drugs and enforced payment with a gun.  He ran his business out of a motel room.   I wanted so badly to inflict so much pain on this man.  But Emily was my priority that night.  A week later he was caught and sent to prison for trafficking.   KARMA!

Took my intellect out for a walk today.  It was cold so back to the jar!

 

[ericasmom]

Oh what a lovely jar it must be, filled with wonderful phrases, memories, humor, wise-ass remarks, and any number of creative endeavors.

I know that the jar is also filled with sadness that  is now an old sweater. It is what we wear because this loss is part of who you/we are. It may get threadbare in spots, but it is ours/yours, a second skin, a name tag on it reading all that names us, all that labels us.

We are so many things to so many folks, but we will always be the parent to someone not on this physical plane. Nothing will take away their having been born to our lives, making us their parent. Nothing.

goodnight Dears,

dee

[mysonrich]

Blah...99° F | 70° F   Today

95° F | 67° F

92° F | 67° F

90° F | 70° F

83° F | 63° F

 

I'm just saying...it's hot!

Betsy,mysonRich

[briansdad]

Thought I'd let you all know I still have all my fingers.We did the traditional blowing up the watermelon. Brian and his friends started it 2 years before he died and we carry it on still.

Greg

[mikesmomrs]

And double blah!  I opened the front door a bit ago...big mistake...it's like a steambath out there!   Ugh!  SO glad for AC...

Y'all have a good day out there...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I am going out for a ride under cloudy conditions and breeze, but the breeze is about a 90 degree breeze. Yep, the whole week looks hot until about Friday here too, then a cooling off.

Greg, so glad that your digits remain intact. I love your watermelon tradition, though you'd be hard pressed to do it around me, both because I consume great quantities of watermelon, and because I am afraid of the explosives. Fun times and I am happy for the carrying on so such.

Today is such a day to remember for me.

It marks the last time I was with my Girl, and because she surprised me with her visit, bringing along two friends from Kalamazoo Michigan, it was doubly great. I was under the thought that she was back in Kalamazoo after her weekend of hanging out with her buds here in Chicagoland. But she loved to drive that Girl did, her 14 year old cadillac with more duct tape than a hardware store. So she surprised me as I had just placed a photo of her (fishing in Vermont at age 4) in a frame next to a photo of my sisters and me, and my Mommas red glasses. "Three generations of women" I said to no one, as I arranged all three on the top of my new bookcase in my office that until that week had been the guest room.

Eri's room became the guest room that week, under her assurances that she had no qualms about it, that she was not intending to return home, having signed a new lease on a place in Kalamazoo. So we turned her bedroom into the guest room, painted it and put in twin beds. The office was painted a light celery green and I put those three generations on the top shelf as a finishing touch. That is when I heard, "MOMMA" those golden tones.

So this is the day of such memories. My last photos of Eri were taken on this day 7 years ago, we shared a cup of coffee as there was not much left and she did not want much, we held hands as we walked down the block together with her girlfriends Sarah and Heather. I really liked Sarah and Heather. Many of their friends in Kalamazoo referreed to ERica and  Sarah as Sarica, as she and ERi were so close so immediately after meeting, always together. They were walking back to her Dad's home, 3 blocks away where her car was. I held that large hand of hers, bigger than mine and something I dearly miss, that sensation of holding her hand. It brings so much forward. It reaffirms how dearly I hold her still, always, how deeply I adore my Daughter. I will tell her what she knows already, but I love to tell her what her life and her legacy means to me.

I will go ride and remember as I pedal my bike and I will talk to my Girl, forever my Girl.

[westleysmom]

Dee,

When I signed on this am, it took me to a page that was a long time ago, 2005 I think, and there was a posting from you.  You were talking about this day, at the time it had been 18 months since you last saw your Dear Eri.  I wanted to mention it to you, but I wasn't sure if I should.  In it, you were talking about how it seemed so long ago and so not long ago at all.  I didn't know she drove a Cadi, Westley had one too.  A big honking 1993 Coupe DeVille, kind of a light lavender.  He'd wrecked it on one side, ran into a guardrail trying to avoid a deer, all the way from the front to the back.  From one side, it looked perfect, but the other was a mess.  He said it was like Two-Face from Batman.  That always made me laugh.  He had a very dry sense of humor, one of the things I always like to think he got from me, but my husband has the same sense of humor, so I guess it was from us both.  I know this day must be bittersweet and I wanted you to know I was thinking about you.  Westley of course had big guy carpenter hands and I miss them, too.  And all of his tatoos, which I didn't care for when he got them that much.  I'd give anything to see those tats now.  As you would to see her. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[briansdad]

I know I've asked already but I'd like to meet up with the people who are attending.

http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/Gathering.html

Greg

[nicksdad]

It's been awhile, I try to read the post daily but between work and everything else

sometimes I miss out. I really enjoy what everyone writes and sometimes I hover the mouse over the "reply" key but then I don't click it....For some reason alot of times my thoughts are not all that pleasant so I just don't put anything.

The other day in the newspaper there was an article about a female business that creates  iPhone apps and one thing led to another while doing some research on them and I ran across a new app for the iPhone called "Grief Support iPhone App"....I checked it out and the person that created it. He is actually a hospice pastor, speaker, author etc...then I read more about how he stepped into being a minister at the age of 24 (2 years older than our  Nick was). 

And for whatever reason after reading it I start to think I dislike this person, and I don't even know him. In my mind i'm telling myself who is this "child" that thinks they know what grief is and what to do about it. I guess I need to quit looking things up and reading about things that I know will end up tweaking me.

Ok thats my rant, I know now that you've read this you are probably thinking "geezz i'm glad he does not post more often"....

Positive note...Wife has a new butterfly thing and I will post a pic soon.

[briansdad]

[user=27196]nicksdad[/user] wrote:

It's been awhile, I try to read the post daily but between work and everything else

sometimes I miss out. I really enjoy what everyone writes and sometimes I hover the mouse over the "reply" key but then I don't click it....For some reason alot of times my thoughts are not all that pleasant so I just don't put anything.

The other day in the newspaper there was an article about a female business that creates  iPhone apps and one thing led to another while doing some research on them and I ran across a new app for the iPhone called "Grief Support iPhone App"....I checked it out and the person that created it. He is actually a hospice pastor, speaker, author etc...then I read more about how he stepped into being a minister at the age of 24 (2 years older than our  Nick was). 

And for whatever reason after reading it I start to think I dislike this person, and I don't even know him. In my mind i'm telling myself who is this "child" that thinks they know what grief is and what to do about it. I guess I need to quit looking things up and reading about things that I know will end up tweaking me.

Ok thats my rant, I know now that you've read this you are probably thinking "geezz i'm glad he does not post more often"....

Positive note...Wife has a new butterfly thing and I will post a pic soon.

This is the place to rant. So do it when ever.

[ericasmom]

I agree with Greg, RANT away Dan, we miss you.

Rhonda, yes, I often see Sherry or others that were present in 2005 when I log on as well, though did not see mine, think that is funny that this day was talked about twice then today from me. Odd and somehow cool.

You can tell me anything you want Rhonda, I thank you for telling me this. Yes, I know that you would give anything to see those tats again, and me, to see those dreadlocks.

Love to you all,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Dee:  thinking of you, holding you close, as these bittersweet memories of your precious Girl surround you with their lovely presence.  We know only too well, especially at these times, how very much this grief is the price we pay for such deep, never-ending love...while we sure would change the grief part if we could, we would never, ever change the wonderful gift of the love that went before it---even to include the tats, dreads, different points of view, whatevers...we would welcome them all, at any time, with open arms, and relish them forever. 

Rhonda:  Mike had many tats, also, some that we kind of liked, but some we didn't, but now, of course, would be glad to see them all. 

have to go pick up hubbys respiratory meds...

have a good afternoon, all,  love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Thanks Carol and Rhonda,

memories are my comfort now, and sometimes my nightmare depending on the memory. Rhonda, Eri's caddi was beige, it was her Grandma's on her Daddy's side. First day she had it, she lost the keys in the sand at the beach in Chicago. Oh my Eri, what you did in a day...each time she drove back from Kalamazoo in the 11 months she was there, there was more duct tape on it holding it together for her often, mid sentence decision to drive to Chi-town. Funny Girl.

Carol, I imagine this weather is awful for Ralph, with COPD, John husband just came in from the garden adn said, if you were planning to do anything outside, don't. It is boiling out. About 93 with the same level of humidity. But I heard that there may be triple digits out east so please be careful. Rhonda, this heat is what you probably know all summer.

Peace out all,

dee

PS Deneace, are you seeing the oil blobs where you live?

[Guest]

52F here, in Casper, today.  Looks like it might be snowing on the mountain.  Go figure.

Good to see Nick's face, Dan.  Nice to read your words, even if you think it's ranting. 

Dee - I hope Eri makes herself known to you.  Your words bring so much comfort to all of us.  I pray you get some supernatural comfort.

I had more to say, but can't remember what it was........Getting my own jar for my brains...

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

I am back at work now.  I am trying not to focus on July 12----Brian's Birthday.  He would have been 19.

Brian's birthday is by far the hardest for me to deal with.  Each year (on his birthday) I would look back on the activities of the last year and marvel at what a young man Brian was becomming.  I would also look forward to the life experiences he was yet to go through.

That is a dead-end street for us now.  Oh, Brian.  How I miss you every second of every day.  You would be so proud of your brother, Aaron.  He is almost the same age as you were when you became an angel.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[westleysmom]

Colleen- Westley's birthday was six days after he died, very hard, but I was still in shock.  I'll be thinking about you this week.  It is good to have you back. 

Susannah-You're making me jealous talking about your 52 degrees, but I can take the heat better than the cold, so I guess I'll stay in TN. 

Carol-My husband has to take a lot of asthma/allergy stuff.  This hot weather and the sawdust at work really gets him sometime.  But he's doing better, not COPD or anything.  He's had several surgeries and seems to be doing okay for now.

Dan-Nick's picture makes me think of Westley (when he wasn't all decked out to graduate, which is the picture you see here)  He'd probably rather I'd have used a more informal picture, but I couldn't find one.  You are preaching to the choir, here.  I too find myself angry at people who want to tell us how to grieve, no matter how well-intentioned they are, unless they know what they're talking about (have been through it)  I may get better about it as time goes by, but for now, I don't need advice from people who have no way of knowing what I'm going through.  Or their phone application thingy for $1.99.  My phone is so old, it probably wouldn't work anyway.    

Dee-I hope on this day and those coming, all your memories are comforting.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[lolynbo]

COLLEEN...IM HERE FOR YOU....SO HARD....I DONT NO HOW WE MAKE IT THRU IT BUT WE DO....GOD JUST TAKES CARE OF US IN OUR DARK TIMES....

[daveydow1]

Colleen---Thinking of you as the days lead up to your dear Brian's birthday.

Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Dan---I, too, know what you mean about hesitating to post because of

crappy feelings. I believe we all get times like this. Good to see Nick's

handsome face.

Dee----Oh those memories of  'last times'  are so bittersweet, but after all,

they are all we have anymore. The separation from our kids does not stop

all the memories and  signs that we get from them, does it?  Peace to you. 

Must say that this is one of my days to be tired and 'out of it'....must be the heat..

           Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[ericasmom]

Thanks Sus, thanks Sherry, and again Rhonda. I too have a very old phone, can't really even text on it, though I can receive texts, but I really have no desire for a fancier can do more things kind of phone. You know I actually miss telephone booths. Remember until recently, there was a booth every mile or so in the cities. Funny how things changed so quickly. I am feeling pretty good,, Jonathan and his Girl Shannon came over for stirfry. We had a nice time, always share a lot of stories and laughter. Jon is supposed to have a game tonight, actually two to make up for all those missed due to rain, but hey, it's Tuesday and it is raining. It has rained almost every Tuesday since May, closing down many games. Last year, we went to almost every game, which is fun to watch. On JOn's team are his cousins, Brian, Paul, and Jared. So I get to see three nephews and many of Jon's friends besides seeing Jon. This season however, not so much. If it does not rain hard, and I don't think it will, I will go to the 9:00 pm game. Both of my Kids played baseball as kids. Both of them were reliable hitters and pretty good in the field. Eri was a lefty so it was fun to see the coaches on the other teams position their players differently when Erz was up to bat. JOn was a really good catcher and pretty good at the pitch as well.

Off for a drizzle walk now

Peace out,

dee

[Guest]

Two days shy of 11 months since Stephanie died and I "accidentally" opened one of her suit cases getting ready for our trip to Denver tomorrow.  It took my breath away.  I stayed in the garage for a while looking through other things I haven't been able to look through, yet. 

Notes.  Pictures.  Her books.  "Please let there be a message from her!"  I searched.  Frantically looking for a sign.  Something to me from her.  There was nothing. 

The lump is stuck in my throat as if I swallowed sand.  I feel sick to my stomach.  No tears fall.  Again, I find myself questioning all my beliefs.  Questioning all my experiences.  Maybe I've imagined it all.  Maybe I'm truly mad (crazy).  Maybe I'm a fake.  I can feel your child.  I hear from your child.  Where is MY child? 

Yes.  A wild bird landed on my shoulder, at midnight, under the redneck patio, in front of others.  Yes.  There was the hummingbird and later, the two owls and then jasmine's picture of an owl.  There was the dream....the dream means more to me than all the birds.  But, the birds are tangible.

How I wish she were.

Susannah/her mother

[ericasmom]

Sus, I think that many messages come to you in ways that have not for others, but each day, in the voices of the Children comes a sign from STeph. Here is a sign, a wonderment to gaze at and understand that there are messages in so many packages; even in suitcases. I so hope that your trip is a fine one, filled with treasures.

[ericasmom]

This should be the shot of ERi fishing in Vermont when she was a little girl. Jonathan is in there fishing as well.