Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

MICHEAL SHANE

WE sing your name and we feel the joy that you have brought to your beautiful Momma, and to your Siblings and in your Daughter. We know how special you are, always will be, because we know how dearly you are remembered and you will be carried in the hearts of many for all time.

Please dance with Our Angels on Your Birthday, knowing that we are dancing with you here.

MEERKATS Sweetie.

[mikesmum]

Thank you Dee - Yes my baby boy would be 35 today!  I woke after dreaming I had Harmony visit.  I could smell her hair.  She was wearing a dress I made for Melissa for a dance concert way way back.  She talked to me about her 'purple pencil case and sharpner'.   I woke smiling.

Calls from Steven and baby brother Bill bring tears...they remember....they get it.

Aside from MEERKATS,, Micheal love Marin the Martin.  He would draw pics of him, one I still have here with me now. 

So for you all and especially Micheal Shane ........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMuWOLVAzYY&feature=PlayList&p=E880E343187B4C16&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=21

Happy Birthday my son....miss you more than you know....love you to the moon and back...Mum

[lolynbo]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL SHANE...HUGGGSSS MUM TO YOU AND DAD

[shorty16]

My Friend Trudi

Thinking of you today (in Australia) and tomorrow (in USA).  Micheal Shane, Micheal Shane - we will say his name.

Consider yourself hugged.

Colleen

[shorty16]

Hello my Indigo Friends,

The weather is really nice in WI.  Cooler, clear, and sunny.  I hear the weekend brings rain.  Even if it rains, I am going to do something during the day and enjoy a movie (at home) at night.

A big graduation in our family next weekend.  She is younger than Brian.  It is in Madison, so we can drive there in the morning and leave by 1pm.  We are not attending the ceremony.

Hope all is well with my friends and the sun shines in your face and makes you smile.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[momgran]

Michael Shane, I know you're mom is having a birthday party in her heart for you today, remembering all the things you loved in this life and that glorious day 35 years ago when she first gazed into your beautiful baby eyes!!  Enjoy your Birthday with all our Angels and please sprinkle some happy dust on us all!

Thinking of you Trudi!  I love the Marvin the Martian!  I recently thought of how my precious Pippa loved Maya the Bee and Duck Tales when she was little so I  posted them on her and Kieran's website!! Kieran loved Dora, Shrek and Spiderman! Oh the memories....so bitter sweet.

Love Peace and Patience to you al

Debbie

 

[summergirl]

THIS  IS FOR YOU MICHEAL SHANE....HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 

 

 

DANCE AMONG THE STARS, CELEBRATE WITH ALL OUR ANGELS AND SEND YOUR MUM A VERY SPECIAL HUG.

[summergirl]

Trudi - thinking of you my friend as you walk through this day of Micheal, his birth date. Am walking with you.....

To those of you who are having a hard time, well, we get it......I too have no where to go to share my grief except here.....no places for "people like us" in my town. They have everything else you could possibly imagine but guess they don't think anyone who lives here has lost a child.....I too find myself at times going back to that day, the day I felt my life ended but my Jessica's life ended and I never felt I would survive it, but I did and I will be going along in this new normal life, in the job I love, the friends I have, Tavian and the next thing I know...bam...nothing matters except Jessica, don't care about anything or anyone, just want to be alone in my sorrow.....then it passes and I come alive again.....so yes, as much as we hate it it will always happen because of our loss......how could we not have those moments, those days......back to the one minute at a time......I am thinking of you and sending you hugs.

Baseball game tonight, Tavian hit a homerun....what a boy he is. Right now he is sitting next to me about to fall asleep so I have to get him to bed.....wish me luck, he has went to bed bu himself for the past 2 nights....   Can you believe a part of me is sad, he is growing up and I am not sure I like it !!!!!

Hopefully I will be able to catch up with all this weekend but Tavian is having a play date Saturday night and tomorrow night I am supposed to meet my friend Linda for a drink and catch up with each other.....

Love, Peace and strength to all indigos, Kathy

[daveydow1]

Dee----Your words are so true and helpful. Yes, this road is filled with so

many bumps and twists. Sometimes we just have to stop and take a deep,

deep breath and try to stabilize our emotions. Also, as someone mentioned,

there is certain amount of lonliness that goes with it. Time does 'soften' the pain

but the sorrow will always be with us, I think.  Hope your friends, Kay and

Marion are recuperating.

Sonya---Oh, thanks for the garden hints....soap, and solar lights. I will try that. Our

 garden owl seems to be doing a fairly good job----nothing seems to be chewed off

lately, except the lettuce......rabbits  finished it off in no time. Will have to replant

that. It's nice you got your first cucumber , and have brocoli and peas coming on. I

 get such enjoyment from tending the garden, don't you?  Helps to dull the pain of

missing our dear kids.  Peace to you, friend.

Cindy----Sending thoughts & prayers to you in this rough time you are having.

 

     HAPPY    BIRTHDAY   MICHAEL SHANE.

     Trudi.......May your wonderful memories of your dear son, Michael, warm

     your heart.

                      Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry     

 

[aviemare]

Oooooooooooookiedokie.  Another fine rant from a bitter old hag who hates most people right now.

Just got Nicole's autopsy report back.  Read all twelve pages.  It was mind-numbing.  But still I read each bitter detail about how they chopped my child up.  I know I'm morbid.  But these are my true feelings.  There is no sugar-coating the death of anyone, much less one's child.

I'm so sick of stupid comments.  I must be a magnet for them.  I'm not angry at Nicole's death.  Sad and depressed and numb, but not angry.  Perhaps that will come in time; perhaps not.  But I do get really annoyed when people say stupid stuff.  Yes, yes...I know they mean "well."  Still, I don't excuse them.  Odd, because I'm such a forgiving person by nature.  But I give no quarter to people who say things that in my little pea-brained head are insensitive.  The "bereaved" take everything the wrong way anyway, I think.  At least I do.  So when they say truly stupid stuff I get quite verbal with them about how truly stupid they are talking.  GRRRRRRRRRRRR

There is etiquette for table manners.  There is etiquette for dating.  For walking your dog in the park and picking up his poop.  But people just don't seem to educate themselves on how to talk to grieving folks.  I'm sure there are many reasons; dozens of them.  But still, stupid, well-meaning people annoy me so badly.

Then there is my x mother in law who called to tell me she was disappointed that we did not acknowledge her son as Nicole's biological father.  Yes, that takes a lot of freaking nerve, huh?  I told her that I did not because he has not been in Nicole's life for the last 24 of her 26 years.  I kindly left out the part pertaining to the last time I ever let my X see Nikki and her brother.  She was 3 and her brother 6.  My X beat up his wife in front of my kids and hers, smashed the phone in her head, and then took my children to his pot buddy's house where they had spaghetti on the filthy floor.  My son remembers that to this day and so did Nicole.

Oh, yes...I forget.  I also took in his then-wife, fed her, bought diapers for her baby, and tended her wounds. 

My husband raised Nicole since she was 2, working many hours of overtime at Christmas to get her everything on her list, taking her to the beach each weekend, Disneyland, and all places that are so fun for kids.  He was and still is in all ways her beloved Daddy.

So the X finally after 2 decades sends $200 to help with burial expenses.  Not ONE DIME for 24 years; he let another man do his work and paid the price of not knowing what a wonderful young woman Nicole was.  He also spent 4 years in prison; the same prison my husband worked at.  HAHA.  Ironic, huh?  Still, I was very cordial to him and polite.

I told my xMIL that he (the X) could have come up and introduced himself.  She said he was too upset.  I told her that everyone else, including her Daddy, came up.  They sobbed, they struggled, they wept and they mourned, but they paid homage to Nicole.  I told her I would hear no more of it, and that it was simple:  we would disagree.  I doubt she will be calling me back anytime soon.

So, in light of my general annoyance, I have once again penned a poem.  I will go get a sandwich while you read it.

No Title

Don’t ask me how I’m doing

if you will not hear the truth.

Don’t offer stupid platitudes;

I’ll only hit the roof.

 

Don’t make this into YOUR affair

cuz your second cousin croaked.

If you tell me you know how I feel,

I’ll ask you what you’ve smoked!

 

And please; just keep your fuzzy hugs

all to your little self.

And seal your comments in a jar

to store up on a shelf.

 

God “did not need an Angel”,

and it “wasn’t for the best.”

And how the Hell can I “stay strong”

with my heart ripped from my chest.

 

My child did not “pass away…

she died; it’s just that plain.

Tomorrow won’t be a “brighter day”,

they all are filled with rain.

 

And please refrain from calling me.

I need some time and space.

It might be many months or years

before I rejoin the human race.

 

I’ll never just “accept” this thing.

Don’t bother asking “why?”

With nothing left but memories

I’ll grieve until I die.

 

Don’t think I’ll just “get over it”

or that it somehow “goes away.”

If you push me past my breaking point,

you won’t like what I say!

 

So…if you ask me “how my day went”,

I’ll tell you that it sucked.

For like all the other grieving souls,

my life is really f***ed!

So eloquent, huh? 

S.Anni Clarke

[nicksdad]

[hotrod]

                                    Happy Birthday Michael Shane

 

                         Dear Trudi                

Dear Dan  What a beautiful tribute to Michael!!

Betty Stephen'smom:)

[mysonrich]

  Michael, !!!!!!!

 

[tanmanmymagicman]

I love all you great people here......thank you for waking me up to things I already knew and preached myself......I think I got a grip tonight......feeling better but still slugged around all day and worked all day; my notary bag felt like a ton of bricks; I am taking some old antiobiocs that i found in the cabinet just in case I do have a sinus whatever as I have been very dissey latley. my daughter kayla had emergency sergery last week they had to remove her right overay she is 22.....I know I am not spelling anything right....but just you all to know I stop here all the time.....I am proud of how you are dealing with this in your own way.........

You are one tough Mama dealing with your husbands cancer in the same hospital....hugss to you.......Colleen enjoy that new car smell.....I WANT ONE.....in my dreams....no new nothing until we can pay cash........again....I will take that great advise one minute at a time....it sure the hell works..........Love Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama

[mikesmum]

S.Anni Clarke - Do not change one word of that poem...you speak of the experience only those who share it would understand.  You do have many who get it .... they are all here.

Speaking of that....

Dan you are the man.  My handsome boy never looked so good. 

Betsy, the celtic knotwork, a symbol of his heart. 

Betty, welcome back...thank you as well for your thoughts and prayers today and always.

Kathy - That was the first thing I got on Google when I searched for the Marvin the Martin links.  Bought such warmth to my heart.

Debbie - Isn't it funny how we seem to focus on the later part of their lives overlooking some of the most precious times we shared. 

Colleen - Hugged!!!  Thank you Wisconsin!

Lorri - Its nice to know Mike is hanging with cool chicks like Kourtney...

The best 'present' was the FINAL report from the Medical Panel.  The Reader's digest version....I have a 25% deficit affecting my ability to work full time in 'any' role from my previous work history.  It was determined that the injury was soley caused by 'doing my job on the day Micheal died.  In the report they didn't call him 'her son' or the 'deceased', they called him Micheal - theyeven spelt it right...

That my friends lifted some of the weight I have carried from my heart - I believe Mike had them deliver the news the day before his birthday so I wouldn't be so sad.....

Thank you to all who posted on FB, you all know my heart is with you always.

Hey Mike....hope you had a brilliant day up above the fog......Played 'our CD' and sang till it hurt....love you my son my son........

[aviemare]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

S.Anni Clarke - Do not change one word of that poem...you speak of the experience only those who share it would understand.  You do have many who get it .... they are all here.

I KNOW you all understand.  I'll pop in now and again when I am feeling waspish at the world and write something that most can relate to yet will probably be totally inappropriate, for it my nature to do so!

I appreciate all the support that each and every one of you provide to all of us who find ourselves walking these pages.  For many of you, they are pages of history.  YOUR history.  Your journey from the first second after you lost your child to wherever you are at right now on the road.

My path is new and what will come has not yet been laid out before me.  Right now I can't even walk it...I must first learn drag myself and then to crawl along it.  Hopefully someday I will will find myself walking, and I can only dream of a day when I will run.

Till we meet again.  Namarie!

(Farewell in Elvish.  Yes, you are dealing with a TOTAL LOTR/Tolkien fan.  I even teach my horse commands in Elvish.  Why on Earth would I want to deal in the here and now when there is so much great fantasy available for me to escape to!)

Peace & Happy Trails,

Anni

[lostwoher]

Annie, I so get it. My reason for not posting much. Thank you for speaking from your heart from all of us walking this journey. HUGS!

Lynn

I love you all and think of you daily. I just cant seem to get the words typed that go thru my head.

[Guest]

Dan - What a beautiful tribute to Micheal! 

Trudi - I remembered Micheal on facebook, but failed to reach out to you here.  Tell me.  Is it a bit easier this birthday than it was the first birthday without him?  Or does each birthday and/or angelversary hit with the same intensity as the first?  I'm still in the "firsts" and I was surprised with the intensity that Steph's birthday hit.  Totally unprepared for it.

Betty - I loved seeing Stephen's face this morning!  How are you?

Anni - I love the poem!  How well it represents us on those bad days.  And, those bad days can hit at the drop of a hat.  Without notice.  As for me, I've noticed my friends are damned if they do and damned if they don't.  Yesterday one of Stephanie's friends came up to me and told me he knew he would see me "today" because he had just been talking about Stephanie.  He keeps her picture above his kitchen sink and was telling his girlfriend about her and how she touched his life.  He was anxious to introduce his girlfriend to me.  I kept thanking him for talking about her.

As we move closer to the first year angelversary of her death, there are lurking emotions waiting to emerge.  "Please wait" I find myself bargaining with them.  I want to be able to function this summer.  Enjoy her children.  Etc.  Those kind of feelings, once they break free, render me useless.

So, Anni, I said all that to say this.......I understand, too.  Your beautiful Nicole ripped from your life.  I get it.  May she send signs to comfort you, and may you be able to see the signs when they come.  I believe they always come.. 

Sending each of you much love and wish for peace!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

S Annie,

Good for you with your XMIL.  The things people say to us are really something.  I was in church, almost a year after Brian's death, and a lady asked me;

"So when did it stop hurting?"

my reply

"I do not know, that has not happened yet"

I wanted to punch her, but church was not the place.

We become different people when we loss a child.  For me, It is like I am on high-alert with my surviving son, Aaron.  These thoughts come in my head of horrible things that can happen.  You see, the worst has already happened to us, whats to say it will not happen again.  I know my son realizes why I am so crazy (he is 16, same age Brian was when he died).

Take care, Annie, love the poem and your posts.  Really speaking our language.  We understand every word.

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Great poem Annie, loved it. Yep, the comments and words of comfort are sometimes worth writing down, we started an unofficial book under the t itle- OH NO YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT! We all have several that could easily make it into a book of what not to say to folks that lost a Child. A Child!

I am glad to see you posting, wish there were never a reason but I am eternally grateful to this place that finds us all supporting the other.

Lynn, lovely to see the smile that makes me smile.

Going to clean out the classroom now, school was finshed for the year yesterday, I slept in till 8:00 rather than my 5:30 time. How very luxurious this feels.

Peace,

dee

[hotsauce]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MICHAEL SHANE

[momgran]

Annie:  Your words cut right to the bone and so acurately describe not only yours, but I'd say the feelings of everyone on here!  I've always tried so hard to bite my tongue and not express those darkest thoughts, the anger, the frustration, the PAIN!!!!!  You say you're being 'morbid' about reading Nicole's autopsy report!  I know when I lost Pippa and Kieran, they were thousands of miles away when it happened, I wanted to know every gruesome detail of their injuries but the other occupants of the vehicle found it so difficult to relive that horrific crash but I was relentless!  We've always been concerned about our child's every litte booboo so of course we need to know exactly what happened to take them away from us!!  What they endured in their last moments.  I believe that expressing yourself the way you do, Annie, will greatly help with your healing process, AND OURS!  You speak for a lot of us.  Your lovely Nicole would be very proud of you.

Dee: Yeah.....a book....great idea!  Enjoy your summer break!

Colleen:  Does the woman who asked you that stupid question have children???  That question has to be up there with the best of the worst!  I get it about feeling, as my boyfriend says, 'gun shy'~!  I lost two of my children and a grandchild so I really have to get a grip and not 'worry' that I'll lost my only surviving child and grandchild.  As time moves on I'm learning to be more fatalistic about it all and accept that these things are out of our hands.  Not an easy task but definitely a survival tactic.  Such a beautiful boy, your Brian, and so very young to have left this world.

Susannah:  I know that first year is a living hell!  I remember it well but there's also moments that are a 'blur' as I believe the shock has only started to wear off after more than 3 years!  My Pippa's birthday is on June 17, she would have been 33 and it will be the fourth we are celebrating without her.  I'm still amazed when the pain of the approaching anniversaries hit me...at some point I think  'well this one will be easier' but then, BOOM, I'm going through their photos, listening to their favourite music and the tears come and that gosh awful pain.  I doubt that they'll ever be 'easy' but the day to day living, the pain does get softer and life does start to feel normal again, that new normal.

Trudi:  I'm so pleased to hear that the ordeal with the Medical Panel has finally ended!  Mike really did give you a 'birtday present'!  The listening to your CD til it hurt....I find music can be the hardest thing to listen to!  All the music from Pippa 29 years touches me in one way or another.

Sherry:  Sorry about the owl destroying your garden!  As you say, the garden is a wonderful healing tool for us bereaved moms.  I think it satifies the nurturer in us and helps us be part of the continuum of life.

Love Peace and Patience to all you dear hearts!

Debbie

 

 

[momgran]

Cindy:  I'm so relieved to see you back here with an update.  I would imagine your daughter's surgery would have stirred up a lot of fears and pain! This road sure is a rocky one!

Debbie

[daniellemom]

Happy Birthday - Micheal Shane!!!!  Trudi - Sorry I'm late with the birthday wishes.  So very glad that Micheal Shane was able to help send the final papers before his birthday.  Such a wonderful son!

The poem!  I love it, my I share it with others?

Cindy - Glad you are feeling better today.  It was so nice to see Tanner's smiling face when I logged in.

Sonya - (Danielle's Mom)

 

[aviemare]

Hi all. Poem is MEANT to be shared. Just include name so everyone knows the grouchy old bat who wrote it.

Look me up on facebook! Just search Scherry Clarke. Ann is my middle name. Put beyond indigo in the friend request so I knows izz you!

Lots of pics of my family and animals and I recently added a War Wounds photo album. I get hurt so often that it has become comical and I began keeping a photo diary.

Hope to get some new friends!

Luv, Peace, and not one single warm fuzzy hug,

Anni

[daveydow1]

Debbie----Oh....the 'garden owl' I spoke of is just a life-size plastic

owl to hopefully scare away rabbits and other small creatures that

come to the garden at night to try and eat the seedlings. I should have

explained that better in my previous post.  Thanks for your reply.

 

Anni---I think everyone here so knows the anger that one feels whenever

someone says something incredibly stupid. If they would only just not say

anything, it would be better I think. I agree......there seems to be no set of

manners for what to say or NOT to say when talking to someone who has lost

their loved one.  My pet peeve is people who go on and on and on about THEIR

kid....bragging, boasting etc., and there we stand listening and full of the pain

of sorrow and loss. These dopes seem to have completely forgotten about our

child.  I always bite my tongue, and fume about it later. I think that is one reason

I just keep to myself more since Davey's death.  I never was a real  outgoing

person, but have become more solitary in the past nearly 7 yrs. 

Betty----Great to see you back, and Stephen's handsome smile. I hope you had

a nice holiday.

                  Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

[aviemare]

You have all given me the gift of understanding without judgment, compassion, and true care.

I have a gift for you!  Perhaps the best one you will get in a long time.

https://members.kaiserpermanente.org/redirects/listen/

Meditation has kept me sane through ten years of chronic pain, depression, anxiety, the death of my Daddy last year and now the death of my Nikki 8 weeks ago.

This is AWESOME stuff.  If you have never tried it, now is the time.  I usually have to meditate 2-5 x per day lately, but today I got by without having to do it. 

Once you learn to quiet your mind, you will find the peace you need.  You will still hurt, but I promise...things will change for the better in SOME WAY.

Kaiser offers these free of charge.  Download them to your computer, put them into ITunes or your mp3player, or save them to a cd and listen to them in the car, the living room, your bedroom...wherever.  Don't buy a single thing.  It's all free.

Everything from dealing with cancer, Fibromyalgia, anxiety attacks and even weight loss.  (My fat a$$ ain't listened to that one yet, obviously)  Oh well...some day. haha

Please, friends.  Give it a try.  It has saved my sanity a thousand times over.  These are great to listen to as you fall asleep.

Love, Peace and Happy Trails Always,

Anni

[Guest]

Sherry - A few years ago I retired from a large apartment complex where I worked as assistant manager for many years.  We had a problem with Wood Peckers.  They preferred to "drill" by the windows of the third floor apartments.  In an attempt to try to scare them off, our maintenance department placed life sized, wooden owls on both pool sheds.  It didn't work, but they sure became quite the conversation piece.  I was totally embarrassed when the maintenance men nailed plastic snakes across the shingles of thirteen buildings in another attempt to scare them off.  That didn't work either.  Finally, they built them their own home.  Beautiful, high, out of the way, bird houses.  They didn't like them.  The sparrows, however, were very appreciative.

Thanks for helping me remember a funny memory.  To this day, the owls remain on the pool sheds and the plastic snakes still adorne the buildings. 

Love and peace,  Susannah

[shorty16]

Susannah

Woodpeckers are a real problem here in WI also.  Cedar shingles seem to be the rage in some areas and the woodpeckers love them.

I woke up at 5am several mornings because a woodpecker was pecking by my window.  Did some damage in a short period of time. - Now I have AL siding and I feed the woodpeckers - go figure

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Today, I am attending a Rememberance Ceremony.  This ceremony is sponsored by the Waukesha County Courthouse and is held for the friends and families of victims of homicides.

Since Brian's death was ruled a homicide, we are invited to attend. 

Rose is running this event. Rose is our victims advocate assigned through the State of WI.  She is an angel.  She is 7 months pregnant with her 3rd boy (OMG!%$*).  I want to see her and tell her how much she helped (and is still helping) us.

We were lucky that we had such a great advocate through the 10 months of court hearings (never went to trial).

Thanks for listening, my friends

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[mikesmomrs]

Colleen:  will be with you today in thought as you attend this ceremony...I am so glad that you decided to go...and that you had such a wonderful advocate when you were going through those 10 months. 

Sus:  thank you for sharing your happy memory...those are the ones woven through our hearts forever. 

Anni:  I too loved your poem.  and thanks for the link...I will look into them.

Sonya:  nice to see your beautiful smiling Danielle again. 

Having a quiet weekend without the kids---have a funny story to share about Damon but don't have time right now.  Will post again later.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

"Forgetting to see the otherside can prove damaging to your health'.

For the past months I have lamented my lack of contact with my son Steven.  I rarely see his children and have I will admit been jealous of the closeness of Kelly's parents in their lives.

Well, yesterday I got a call from Steve to tell me Kelly had been upset about a post on my FB.  Seeing how my lack of embracing Amanda hurt Mike I set off with flowers in hand, heartfelt words on a card to rectify this.   Kelly means alot to Steven, they have done the hard yards to be where they are today.

Well turns out it has nothing to do with FB.  Its my 'lack of interest' in their children that has 'them' angry and upset.  Talk about being blindsided.  Here I sat thinking they were busy fulling up their lives with her family & I would be an unwelcomed interuption.

Its all about expections without words I guess.  You see Melissa will ring me.  In general to 'see how I'm doing'.  She'll ask if I would like to have the grandies and for us that works fine.  Kelly is different.  Her family do it the other way.  Grandparents ring and ask for the kids. They visit without invitation. 

There were many tears.  It was hard to hear the anger tempered by hurt in Kelly's voice.  Steven didn't say much except Kelly will be in his life for a long long time...

She explained how heart broken Zak (8) is that I see Emily and Caleb all the time.  This past mothers day she gave him money for the mothers day stall at school.  He came home with a present, not for his mum.  Its a bracelet, made of glass beads interspersed with silver crosses.  'Its for granma, she loves things like this'.  I'm guessing that hurt more than anything.

Throughout this, despite being told to go watch a movie, Jeya kept coming into the room.  She put her cold hands on my menopausally heated face and smiled at me. 

It was 2hrs of emotional roller coasting.  It ended with a better understanding on my part.

Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks might just have gotten it wrong.  It just takes a bit longer and more patience.

It raining her for the 2nd day in a row....time for brollies, wellies and macks......walkies!

 

[mikesmum]

Found this and thought of 'us'......

 

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  I loved your post on your talk with Kelly and Steve (tho' it did bring pain to your already hurting heart)...it seems that the pain of this particular encounter will be productive for all of you...you are right...sometimes we read things that aren't there, and don't see things that are, and we can wind up in trouble with that...I am so glad that you got to talk with them, that it wasn't one of those times when no one says anything and the hurt goes on and love fades over time because of it---or even worse, anger replaces the hurt forever...  The feelings are out there now, you all know how the other feels and realize the misunderstandings...I pray things go smoothly for all of you now and a relationship that truly reflects how you all feel blossoms and grows deeper...guided by Mike's caring hands, I'm sure. 

Sending many thoughts of love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[summergirl]

 

 

Wanted to see if this posts...

 

Having mussels at Bostwicks Chowder House. Went to dinner tonight.

 

[summergirl]

 

We love ice cream

[summergirl]

Trudi - I am so glad  that you got to work things out with Steven and Kelly... It is the communication between people that makes things so much better. Wondering about things is what causes problems....I believe that is what it is between my mother-in-law and me, we do not communicate enough and I have all these thoughts going through my mind about why she is the way she is after all of these years I have been married to her son.....maybe we need a "good talk" . Thanks for sharing.

Annie - love your posts and love the poem....

Today was a good day (again), sunny, hot and humid...took Tavian to the beach and he had lots of fun with the many kids there....I relaxed.    His friend Damien is here for a sleep over so Barry and I took them out to dinner at Bostwick's Chowder House, it was wonderful, we had great seafood and the boys were terrific. Tavian decided he wanted his own check for the ice cream sundae's he and Damien had and he paid with his own money he earned....it was so cute and our waitress thought it was the best. Tomorrow Barry has to work at the firehouse all day as they do a prime rib dinner once a year, it is a great meal and they raise alot of money for their department which is important as it is all volunteer. So the boys and I will have a day together and then Tavian and I will go down to the firehouse for our dinner.

Trudi - I downloaded my pics on Photo Bucket but not sure how to get them here without copying and pasting ??? HELP

To all indigo's - I love you all and think of you so often, thank you for all the support, love and friendship that is shared it....it keeps me breathing.   

No more time as I need to watch a movie with the boys..

Love, Peace and Strength, Kathy

 

[ericasmom]

Hi Everyone,

It is 11:30 PM and just getting to check in now for the first time today. When I got up, Husband had to use my computer as his had died, and I left soon after waking for the lakefront in Chicago to cheer on my students who ran their first 5K run for the organization, GIRLS ON THE RUN. It is a world-wide program adn a wonderful one at that. If ever you wonder what to do with your time and you want to train and work with young girls 3-8th grade, look into this. Several Moms from our school took on the training to begin this program at Lincoln School. Seven girls from my class joined as did many from all third grades in our building and many from fourth adn fifth. Today, there were just over 6000 girls running on the lakefront in a light drizzle, raising awareness to the power and strength and drive of our young women. So nice. I met another teacher from our school down there, we walked about a mile to get to the walk area, which was just so nice to have time to chat outside of our normal enclosures. The lake looked like glass today, not a ripple nor a wave.

After the girls crossed the finish, they were so surprised to see two of their teachers there to cheer them on. The parents and the kids really were appreciative. It filled me to see these kids with their parents taking on this event, making a commitment to living a healthy life with a positive body image not an unrealistic one.

So after the walk, I took a walk by myself that cut through some gorgeous areas of the lakefront bike and walk paths. I felt very connected to the world around me adn I talked to ERica as I visited areas that we visited often when she and her Brother were young. I had to get home by around 2:00 as some former students who are finishing up their freshman in high school year, were coming to my home for a mini 3rd grade reunion. One of my old students, Angelica, called me about a month ago and asked if we could actually meet and have a small reunion. I said I would love it and offered my home for the event. So nine kids came. We all put food on the table and we laughed and talked for several hours. It was a wonderful evening. To see how these kids are doing after seven years. They were my first class after Erica was killed. They were the little faces that appeared one day in August when I was quite unsure about being able to teach again, to even think that I could focus or make lesson plans, not to mention just physically being with kids all day...but indeed they were the ones that somehow put my stuffing back in and sewed up some new seams. They were an amazing group of Children and still are, they support one another, have enlarged their circle of friends while remaining close to those they new early on. They are involved in outreach programs through their churches and their club associations, and they are hilarious. We talked about drugs and sex and expectations, we talked about hopes and belief systems and politics. It truly fills my heart to have spent this night with the Kids that helped me seven years ago,by giving  me a purpose and a drive and a place to grow my hope. These little ones are growing into wonderful humans with big hearts and bright ideas.

I have had a most blessed day.

My heart and best wishes for deep sleep, restorative sleep.

dee

PS Betty, so good to see you.

PSS Trud, I am so glad that you  guys talked and worked through the hard stuff. How do we know how to play without the rules? Now everyone knows the way things work and you'll soon have more time with their little Lovelies. Aren't they lucky kids, to have a Grandma like you?

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy:  I love what you wrote about your day with Tavian and his friend...it sounds like you had a wonderful day at the beach, followed by dinner at the restaurant.  That is so cute about Tav wanting to pay...chivalry is alive!

Dee:  The "Girls on the Run" group sounds very committed...I am glad you and the other teacher were there to greet them at the end of their run.  Your night with your 3rd graders reunion 7 years later sounds just awesome...to know that these girls were there for you, helped you reconnect to life, and now to see them older and having grown into such nice people must give you a huge lift...I know that Erica sent these particular kids to you that year, and again now, 7 yrs later, to reaffirm your commitment to your heart's work.  Thank you for sharing.

I had said earlier that I spent the evening with Damon the other day, and wanted to share what transpired.   When we got to his house and turned on the tv, the Simpsons were on.  I DO NOT LIKE them.  Damon told me that his mommy lets him watch it sometimes.  Well, the one that was on Wed was not appropriate, as it had some rude behavior and some words that I didn't like, so I told Damon that I didn't think he could watch it that night because they were being rude.  He said "But nana, I don't talk like that."  I said, "I know, but they are talking about stuff that I don't think you should be listening to, so I don't think we will watch it tonight" and I changed the channel.  Unfortunately they have very limited TV as she doesn't have cable, so there wasn't much else to offer him on the tv, so I suggested we could play or read instead.  I could tell he was upset but he didn't get ugly or anything.  Then he said "Oh, I am going to have to mark this down" and off he went into the kitchen with his pad of paper and pen.  I was thinking to myself "What is he going to "mark down" seeing as he can't write.  Is he doing to draw Bart Simpsom with an X over  him?"  Well, that is just EXACTLY what he did!  Now, keep in mind, I did not say this out loud!  He came back in with a drawing of the TV, showing his papa and I sitting there, ME with the "POWER" (remote" in my hand, aimed at the TV) and on the TV he drew he actually had a picture of Josh Groban, even showing him with a microphone in his hand, which is exactly what was on the screen when he left the room!  and down in the corner, was a little picture of Damon, with his  mouth all turned down, and his eyes all sad.  Bart was at the top of the page, on his skateboard, with a huge X drawn over him!   I couldn't believe the detail...it is just so funny!  He never got ugly, said anything rude, or anything like that...he was just as nice as could be, though letting us know he was sad...then I think maybe he thought he was in trouble or something because then he drew the next picture and brought it out...all smiley, with a heart over each of our heads, etc.  He is just something else...  So, we wound up doing some "I spy" pages, and reading, as it was too close to his bedtime to play.  But this picture he drew is just a hoot!

Anyway, just wanted to share.  sending love and peace to all...carol mikesmomrs

 

[mikesmum]

Oh I absolutely love that picture.  Being able to express himself in such away....Must be a relative to Mike.

Have to say the most emotional part of yesterdays 'discussion' was Zak presenting me with the bracelet he bought at the Mothers Day stall with money he was given to by his mum something.

He bought it because, 'granma likes things like that'.  The picture says it all.

Love grandies, they get it way more than their parents.

[ericasmom]

Wow on the drawing and Wow on the bracelet. Two Grandboys with hearts so filled and able to express them. That is the good news. And a third Grandboy using his own earnings to buy the icecream! Ah hope is new.

Love to All,

dee

[Guest]

Good morning, Everyone!

All the grandchildren stories warm my heart.  I so admire you, Trudi, for rushing right over there, not willing to be estranged from another child.  What an example of strength in you!  Love the bracelet.  That story brought tears to my eyes.

Kathy - You are doing such a fine job with Tavian.  I can just picture him paying his own ticket. 

Carol - The picture is priceless!  Gary and I were aghast at the cartoons now playing on TV.  We were ignorant of some of the stuff on television when the kids came to live with us.  A year and a half later, they are not allowed to watch the cartoon channel at all and we moniter the Disney Channel. 

We are supposed to have a nice day today.  Wishing you all a nice day, too!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[aim630]

Hi all

Trudi-Happy Birthday to Michael! (several days late)

Anni-I understand how you feel about your "X". Ashley's father was not in her life very much. My husband also raised Ashley since she was 2. Ironically, Ashley was pretty close to her stepmother (who is a very nice woman), plus she had 3 half siblings. My X's name is not on Ashley's birth certificate nor death certificate, but since I named him as her father in the obituary, he gets half her life insurance. He only paid child support for 4 yrs, while she was in high school, but since we did a paternity test, he is legally her father. I don't really care about the money, it's just the principle. I don't want to go through a court fight to try to get $5000, there wouldn't be much left after the attorney fees. Also, I just don't have the strength for it. My mom is so angry, she does not understand why I won't fight it, but it's just not worth it to me. Just another one of those things about life that is just not fair, but we've all been through the most unfair thing of all and that is losing one (or more) of our children.

Your words in your poem express my feelings exactly, I would like to post it at work (but I won't). No one except those of us who have been through this can understand.

Love to all Indigos, I'm glad i have this place to come to, I would be totally lost without it.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Amy, good to see you again, your Beauty of a Daughter shining out at us. What a drag that Ashley's bio-dad gets to just have this money, but I agree, the worst thing has happened, the money is a kick in the butt, but it isn't comparable to what your heart has had to feel. I am sorry however, that he would be weasely and take the money knowing how little he supported Ashley.

IT was a gorgeous morning and early afternoon, blue skies and soft breezes, just lovely, but the clouds are moving in now and rain is promised. I am off to the warm water pool for a bit of indoor exercise now. Oh, the deer came into the front garden the other night and decimated one of the large hostas and two or three buttercups. Jonathan called me on Wednesday and said he was pulling into his driveway and a deer was at his porch, just chomped off the newly blossomed pink roses. Hmmm, they have a forest filled with greenery, but they sure know when the roses and lilies are available.

Carol, you do have a budding artist on your hands. I love the face he drew on himself. I love too, that he came out with a happy drawing. The easy resolve of struggles in children worked out on paper to show that he appreciates his Grammy and Grandad.

[daveydow1]

Trudi---Glad to hear that the hurtful misunderstanding about the grandies

got resolved in a good way.

Susannah---Thanks for the funny woodpecker story. Yes, I guess sometimes

all of our 'superior' methods to foil birds/wildlife does not do much good. Now

that the garden is getting a good growth spurt, the seedlings are not as tender

and tempting to them. Maybe the 'false' owl is doing some good.  I would never

have thought about woodpeckers taking to wood shake shingles on the roof.

Wow,....that would be a big problem. Glad we don't have them.

Dee----Such a nice thing to have for the girls.....the 5K 'Girls on the Run".  I bet

they all enjoyed it, and such a good morale booster for the girls. How was the walk

you took along the lake in Chicago?

Colleen----It's so good that you had Rose....the victims advocate, on your side.

We, too, had a very kind and gentle lady who was a victim's advocate. They are

a blessing to those who need them the most.

Amy---So sorry to hear about your ex pushing in for the insurance money. You

are right.......attorney's fees would most likely eat up the entire amount. I can

definitely see how you don't have the energy or will to fight him. I guess he will

face judgement for his actions someday. Peace & comfort to you, friend.

                davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[summergirl]

OMG Carol - that is just too funny...I love the drawing and the fact that he drew his feeling as opposed to acting them out....what an adorable picture...need to frame that one.

Trudi - the bracelet is amazing -- yes the children do "get it" don't they....it should teach the parents something if they would just open their eyes and ears.

Dee - beautiful day here again also....I am really getting to like these nice days. A chance of a thunderstorm tonight but I just cannot trust the weathermen any more, seems like they have no idea any more then we do....so it is what it is when I wake.

Thank you for your comments on Tavian...yes, we had a terrific time and I was so proud of him for wanting to pay for his and Damien's dessert....he was so proud at receiving that check and he had 13 dollars in his pocket...the sundae's were 9 dollars and change so he put two fives in and then Barry told him he needed to give the waitress a tip and explained that to him....he put another dollar in and said that was enough because he wasn't spending all his money

The boys were great. We got up this morning and went for a bike ride, stopped to the little store and had coffee and hot chocolate then to the school to the playground, back home and packed up for the beach, was there for 2 hours then home and played some more. Damien went home at 4 and Tavian and I went to the firehouse to see pop-pop and get our prime-rib dinners, home and ate and now that boy is lounging big time in his chair....he is exhausted but it was a great weekend.

Today as we were at the beach I was laughing out loud at the boys as they were having so much fun.....I suddenly thought about the first time I laughed outloud after we lost Jessica....I was so shocked at the sound coming from me that I instantly burst into tears......how could I possibly laugh when she was no longer with me ??  I then thought of how far I have come on this journey and the reason why I am where I am is because of all of you.......without you I would still be the lost person I was 4 years ago.....so thank you my friends for all that you have given to me, you have made me into who I am today and that makes me be who I want to be for Tavian.  I love you all......peace, love and strength, Kathy

[4everjoeysmom]

Carol, I saw these and immediately thought of you and Mike.

Available at Kohls.com in the womens shoes/flip flop section, almost the very last pair listed.

[mikesmum]

Yep and its with grandies in mind that I have booked my birthday party at a bowling alley.    Hey we know I'm the crazy lady with the puppy, but really the simple enjoyment I saw on the faces of the families that day with Emily and friends is rare these days.....so off we will go......

Food for the day, chocolate crackles, honey joys, sandwiches & fairy bread!

For you all - My invite.  If youre available and in the neighbourhood drop by...

Ciao bella - Trudi

[Guest]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRUDI!!!   Wishing you a wonderful day and time at the bowling alley with your grandies!

 

[mikesmomrs]

Claudia:  thank you for thinking of us!  I will check into these.

Trudi:  If being there virtually, counts, then set me up a plate and a pair of shoes!   What fun! 

I hope everyone has a peaceful Monday.  Yesterday it POURED here, and the deluge actually broke our flag pole bracket right off the railing on the porch!  Today is bright, beautiful and coolish...in the 60's...just awesome!

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs