Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Dee---The owl story that you read to your pupils sounds great......kids

love stories with animals/birds, don't they? Don't know if the 'garden owl'

on our post will actually scare any munching creatures away, but we like

the looks of him......he has huge yellow eyes, and a severe demeanor about

him, so....... maybe.    This is the time of year when we can feel impending

doom, isn't it?  I know you know what I mean. It's how any of us feel when our

child's angel day is approaching.  Thoughts of you now. 

Rodolfo----What a beautiful family you have. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Peace be with you and your family.

Betty---Yes,...it is a riding mower. We have 3 acres of grass to cut, so push

mowers wouldn't do very well. I hope you have a nice and refreshing trip, and

I'll be looking for you back at BI sometime in June. Peace & prayers.

Colleen---It is difficult to know that you will never have grandchildren from

Brian. I am sorry for your pain. We have grandchildren from Davey's siblings,

but none from Davey......he was single. The family name will not go on. My husband

was the only son, and Dave was our only son. We are, however, grateful for

the other grandies we have. Thoughts & prayers for you, friend.

Susannah----Such a sweet thing Mariah said....."mommy is swimming in my heart".

Bless her.

Sonya----Good to see sweet Danielle's smile.

               Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[ericasmom]

Betty I will miss you too, very much. Whereever you are remember that we are only a keystroke or two away. I will be sending you safe travels and hopes for a very peace filled time. Blessings. If you have reading time and you have not read Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott, you may just want to. She is as irreverent as she is faithful and funny all the time.

Sonya, you make me smile, I too agree about the calendar and Col, it would not have occurred to me till much later. HOw are the Kids? How are you? I had to go to the wake but I knew I could not do the funeral. The finality, the words, the quiet while my nose honks like a flock of geese overhead while I blow my nose five thousand times. I am obnoxious when I cry at funerals, it is as though I was hired to be a crier. So by the time I left the wake, I was quite swollen and red. I needed to go to support those wonderful people that supported me and the others that have lost loved ones since Eri left. I am glad that I did.

Sherry, it sounds like the same owl we had, and it really did keep the rabbits away, at least for a time. Yes, when your Grandies are old enough, you would enjoy reading Poppy by AVI.

[summergirl]

*Thought - whatif I show up with my laptop, wearing my Hug Me PJ's unshowered and just post while they sit in their corporate gear looking puzzled? 

TRUDI - I LOVE THIS....

Rodolfo - What a beautiful family you have...I am so sorry. I too believe that God has His reasons for taking our child when He does. Our daughter was out to dinner with friends and her son, Tavian, was with us for the night......I know she is happy that he was with us and not at home in their apartment.....Tavian lives with us now and we are very blessed to have him.  I love that your son wrote that he will always be with you. I pray for you and your family.

Colleen - thank you, yes those of us with grandchildren are blessed indeed....I only wish that I did not have to look at that little boy and wonder how different his life would be if his mommy was here with him, however, I cannot go there as it only causes me more hurt so I count my blessings to have had Jessica for 26 years and now have the priviledge of having Tavian..... 

Another beautiful day but rain tonight, no complaints though as it has been so nice for a while now.

Dee - thanks, it was a wonderful weekend and it felt good to feel good....I watched the clouds as I lay on the beach....looking for a sign from Jessica....am I the only one who looks to the clouds ???

Very tired so good night to all Indigo's, always in my thoughts and prayers. Kathy

[ericasmom]

*Thought - whatif I show up with my laptop, wearing my Hug Me PJ's unshowered and just post while they sit in their corporate gear looking puzzled? 

And that would be wrong why?????

Kidding. I think that you will handle yourself in an honest and even way. You will say what is, and what cannot be. Who best to know for heavens sake.

Take Muttley for his walk and tell him how you are feeling, I know that if he could speak Trudi language, (which has a lot of fun words), he would tell you that Trudi, you cannot spin your wheels trying to figure out what this panel of folks will do, say what  you are feeling and let it go...

To us however, it might sound like: rufffff, ruf ruf ruffff, rufffff.

[Guest]

Trudi - How did the meeting/interview/evaluation go? 

I spent a good deal of time, yesterday, googling ways to remodle my kitchen, cheaply and effectively.  Did y'all know you can paint a linoleum floor?  Did y'all know you can paint a floor at all?  Not sure if that's the route I want to go.

Most of the sites said for a cheap facelift, just clean your kitchen.  What a novel idea. 

So, that's been the focus of my attention....I can't paint the floor because the vinyl is ripped (by me when I tried to move the fridge by myself).  I'll figure something out.  We're out of money but not out of ideas. 

The other day I realized I like where I live.  I like my house.  I've always been kind of embarrassed by it because it's in part of town with a bad reputation.  But, I like my neighbors, the school my kids go to etc.  There's a lot of noise around us, but I realized, I like that, too. 

I also gave myself a little facelift by doing my hair pretty, putting on makeup, shaving my legs and painting my toes.  I wore my pretty sandals.  Those are things that used to be a daily part of my routine.  Now?  Not so much.  So with everyone's lifes falling apart around me...I looked pretty and I had pretty toes. 

My daughter made it to Buffalo New York last night.  They are almost to their final destination in Ossippee NH.  Final Destination.  Yuck.  I don't like those words.

Well, I'm rambling.  Just keeping my life as simple as I can!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[shorty16]

Kathy,

I tend to walk down that dark road also, but for a different reason.

I start off real early - What would Brian's senior picture look like?  Brian was just starting to shave.

I too, cannot stay on that dark road.  I visit that road, sit and cry on that road, but I know I must come back to this new road I am on.

Thanks

Colleen

[shorty16]

Trudi

You made me laugh!!

Did you read my Australian calendar post?

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Susannah, the noise around us is our ocean, our waves crashing against the shore. I live in a noisy area as well, nearish to the airport and train tracks two blocks down and another set for freights two blocks east. But somehow those are the noises that are the background for me, the rhythm and the melodies are the birds and the kids on the block, and my music.

Truds, fill us in.

dee

[Guest]

A smile for your day...

A couple of years ago my four yr old granddaughter and I were debating on who loved whom more.  She told me she loved me more...I told her I loved her more. That sort of thing.  Finally, she looked at me seriously and announced, "Well, I love you with the sun and a horse!"

I couldn't top it.  That's our family saying now.  "Love with with the sun and a horse."

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lostwoher]

Susannah, you made me smile . As well as you did Colleen- that is so me haha. Everybody would just say its because Im blonde so you just had a blonde moment thats all :D.

Lynn

[ericasmom]

Love the sun and horse thing...I always say, Love you like a rock. My Son asked, but what does that mean? It means my love is rock solid.

There is a new parent sadly, who posted in the more general area, whose Son died in March. Her name is Diane, I urged her to post here so that she can begin to feel what it is to be fully supported. My heart is aching for her. The little boy who fell in the river in Chicago the other night hasn't been found yet, and I am praying for his family to somehow, find a way.

Blessings,

dee

[ericasmom]

Lynn, how are you these days? I have missed you.

dee

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's,

I say "I love you", Tavian says "I love you too", I say "I love you more", Tavian says  "not possible"    We say it every night.  He used to say "I love you to the moon and stars" to his mommy, he won't say it anymore.....

Susannah - you are a funny lady.....pretty hair and pretty toes...works for me. Some how I always get a lift when I go get my nails done, the 30 mile ride there, the 45 minute nail job, then hit Walmart then the 30 mile drive home....my big night out..  As for the redecorating...lots of things you can do with very little money, imagination goes a long way.  I too live in a noisey neighborhood but wouldn't change it...been here since Jessica was 7 years old. We have nice neighbors and the road is pretty but alot of traffic at night, I sometimes lie here and here the cars go by and wonder where they are going.  We did put up stockade fence all around the entire back yard as we live on a culdasac so cars going past as we sat in the back yard trying to enjoy our pond, our fire....no privacy so the fence works great.  

Dee - I am praying for that little boy and his family....too much saddness !!

Trudi - waiting anxiously !!!!!

Colleen - yes, you are so right...we do go down that road but must always come back to the new one we walk.....I too have many moments of tears but also many smiles now these days.....heartbroken forever but slowly smiling again.

Rain, Rain today, all day :X

Barry went to his doctor tonight, he has officially lost over 50 pounds now, he is so happy with himself. Back on soft foods for tonight and tomorrow as the doctor tightend up the band....He looks so good...he has been on his stationary bike each night...we are hoping for good weather again so we can go enjoy walking outside.

Prayers and love to all.....Kathy

[mikesmum]

Well Indigo's I'll start at the beginning. 

Major meltdown in the morning just before we left.  No prompt, just tears, sobs and the shakes. 

Drove to the 'city'.  Just before we arrived I got a call from Steven.  He was working just down from where we were to go and wanted to 'see me' before I went in.  Time was tight so it wasn't possible, but hearing his voice - another meltdown.

By the time we made it to the 18th floor I was a mess.  Shakes, tears, just wanting to be gone - anywhere.

I don't think the shrinks had seen someone that 'distressed' before the interview started. 

These two (one male one female) weren't like the previous smiling assassins.  They apologised profusely about having to 'eventually' revisit that day. 

I recounted, as I do each time, the events of the day as though I was giving evidence as an EMD.  Times, phrases, outcomes etc.......numb.

The interview went for 1hr 15mins.  I heard myself admitting things about myself that  I choose to ignore - how long I live in my PJ's, where I spend most of my time (home), how important Muttley is in my daily 'survival'.  I was asked about my socialising and 'friends' base.  There you all were standing behind them smiling. 

I don't know what the outcome will be - but yesterday I didn't 'put on the facade'.  It was me or whats left of me.  Numb, tired, irrational, emotional and at times unrecogniseable. 

So today I have slept till 10.30am.  Muttley is concerned so I will walk with him as the sun filters down.  He loves the Autumn. 

Thank you all my family, without you I would let go the rope that anchors me in that parellel universe where I once live......Trudi

[Guest]

Dear Trudy - I was right there with you as I read your words.  Understanding the emotions intimately.  There was a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes as I walked with you.  I'm glad you were met with sympathy and kindness.  I hope this event will prove to be a stepping stone in the healing process for you.  If for no other reason than you actually went through with it!  It took enormous strength for you to reveal the real pain of this journey.  I'm glad you took us with you! (((HUGS)))

Kathy - I've gotten the new design for my kitchen figured out.  I'm pretty excited about it.  I'll let you all know what I'm doing when it's done because I'm not I'll know, exactly what I'm doing until I'm done.  (Did you get all that?)  I did splurge and bought a new kitchen table and chairs.  Only it's not a kitchen table and chairs.  It's more of a bar and stools.  Not more.  Is.  In my mind's eye, it's all great.  Hopefully the finished product will be as nice.

Love to all you!

Susannah

[lolynbo]

WELL IVE DECIDED WHAT TO DO FOR KOURTNEYS ANGELVERSARY (2ND)..WE WILL RELEASE PAINTED LADY BUTTERFLIES EACH GUEST WILL HAVE A ENVELOPE WITH HER NAME AND A MEMORIAL ON IT AND WE WILL RELEASE THEM AT THE SAME TIME...I CHOSE THE PAINTED LADIES BECAUSE THEY LINGER LONGER THEN THE MONARCHES (SP) SO THATS KINDA NEAT THAT WAY WE CAN GET PICS...

ITS CALLED BUTTERFLYRELEASECOMPANY.COM

http://butterflyreleasecompany.com

SEVERAL THINGS AND WAYS TO CHOSE...INDIVIDUAL RELEASE (WITH THE ENVELOPES OR A MASS RELEASE ...

KODY GOT  A HAIR CUT

[ericasmom]

Trudi, it sounds as though they may have understood what this retelling and knowing that others are judging you on this does to your soul. I sure wish that they would understand enough to put this to rest. It is so very clear to us, your posse'.

I love you Truds, you rest and walk and recover, adn know that your honesty is what will remain no matter their decision.

Lor, don't think I ever saw as much as with this photo, how much Kody looks like Kourt. I love the butterfly idea, it is perhaps the same organization that Dan used for Nick's angelversary. I might also do that.

Kath, give hugs to your Husband for all of his determination and fight.

Sleep All, with dreams of goodness

dee

[mikesmum]

Most of us hear find 'signs' without even looking.  Yesterday as we came off the freeway this car pulled up next to us.  Check out the side window.....It reads 'Betsy'

Just thought I would share a pic of Muttley at one of our local coffee stops.

At the end of our walk he leads me to 'his chair'!

Just thought I'd share.....Night all.  

[mikesmum]

and then their are the signs that you find as you check your FB before heading off to bed.  Friends of Mikes posting late at night.....

Never saw this before - a young Micheal and the every beautiful Lauren.

My son my son.....my heart misses you, my soul misses you - one day.

[heartbeataway]

GRRRRRRR .......  I lost a long post!!  Too early in the morning for this nonsense!! :X

Anyway .....

Trudi,

Yes, we were there with you!  I can't tell you how many times I thought of you and sent you strength.  I feel this will be the last time my friend .......

I'm so sorry you had to go through this again!!

HUGE!!! 50 LBS IS HUGE!!  KATHY, I'M PROUD OF YOUR HUBBY TOO!!  GREAT JOB!!

Jason used to stretch his arms high to the sky and say, "I love you this much!"

We have several pictures of him with his arms stretched high.  In pictures, even as an adult, you could pick him out as he would be the one with his arms lifted toward heaven.

In his eulogy, Rich recounted the story and told me how Jay was lifting his arms telling me, "I love you this much, Mom!"

In the recording of the service, you can hear my sobs.  God, I miss our child!!

Sheriff delivered subpoenas yesterday ..... 

Our former employee who we are holding accountable has filed a motion to suppress evidence.  Namely the company computer he used while employed for us.  Don't even understand this one!!  My husband went to his home accompanied by a local policeman and picked up the computer from him.  He's saying that his 4th amendment rights were violated ......

I wonder how many of our rights were violated when he started his own business, diverted business & money from our little company to his new company, used our company assets, etc ..... all while on our payroll???  

And now he's suing us not only as a company but also personally ..... over a million bucks .......

I guess I'm naive.  I don't even understand why a lawyer would help someone who is so obviously wrong  attempt to do even more wrong!?????!  

You can only imagine the legal fees on both sides while this is playing out ..... the only ones getting rich are the lawyers at this point!

Well, today is going to be crazy.  Some friends and I are having a yard sale here at our house this weekend.  Our garage is filling up with stuff!  Hoping for a successful day!

Little ones are having a lemonade stand, bake sale to raise money for charity.  Isn't that sweet?

Okay, I'm out to forage for garage sale items!  Won't be too hard as I have been rather pack ratty the last couple of years ...... :?

Wishing you sunshine for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Momma

picture is the annual banner picture taken at Pinnacle Days ... "we'll raise our arms to feel close to you" ........

[ericasmom]

Glad to see Jason's smiling face adn I picture him smiling and holding his arms up even taller, touching cloud material, loving you to all eternity. Back at you Angels.

I hope the garage sale works out really well. I was thinking yesterday that if I actually got organized, (hilarious thought) that I could have a good garage sale. We have many block sales in the area, which are really fun. Good luck.

I love the photo Trudi, Mike and his Lauren, strong love bounces off the screen. She will carry him everywhere she goes, making choices in her life inspired by this love, by the Man.

Did Muttley order a skim latte with 2 pumps vanilla or a strong tea with honey?

[Guest]

Trudi - I feel like I know Muttley!  I so wish you were closer so I (we) could just wrap our arms around you and hug you) 

Bonnie - I understand not understanding how an attorney can represent someone who's obviously guilty.  I asked that question a hundred times last year when going through the civil and criminal trials with the kids.  I will keep you close in thought and heart.  What a special man you raised, Bonnie.  Even as an adult, reaching high to send his love! 

My sister said she's noticed the anger coming out in me more lately.  My grandkids said they've noticed I'm yelling a lot lately.  Then, I noticed, too, when my words were sarcastic and harsh towards a friend's gift.

Yuck!  I don't want to be that person.  I don't want to be bitter and sarcastic and mean.  I want to be kind and gentle and soft and loving.  I want to offer gratitude and love and joy, not darts/arrows of hatred and bitterness.

What you resist, persists.  So, if I try to fight being bitter and angry, I will become more bitter and angry.  So....I guess I'll just keep working on my kitchen and try to remember to soften my tone.

Love you all with the sun and a horse.

Susannah

[ericasmom]

The days of lawyers were difficult, though we forged a friendship with ours, a nice man whose wife I like very much, and have even met and had dinner with his daughter. She is a nurse here in Chicago, and is from Kalamazoo where her parents reside. I used a lawyer that knew Michigan wrongful death rules.

Our lawyer was dear to us, Michael even trusted him and Michael did not trust with any ease. Jonathan felt supported greatly by Jim.

The lawyer however for AMTRAK, was cruel and the Judge was made to be videotaped for our depositions because my lawyer went to him with a complaint of her cruel questioning techniques of the young boy who worked at JIMMYJOHNS who witnessed the accident. So when we were deposed, it was video taped. She was still exptremely cruel but less so than she would have been.

I dislike her very much as her line of questioning ripped my son in half.

oh well, water under a bridge that sometimes weakens.

dee

[briansdad]

I hope this doesn't hurt anyones feelings but.......What do you call a bus load of lawyers at the bottom of a cliff? A GOOD START.

That's how I feel about them

[lolynbo]

I ALWAYS COPY MY POST B4 I SEND IT JUST INCASE IT DOES MESS UP..

REGAN TEXT ME LAST NIGHT AND SAID "A DOCTOR IN CHINA READ HER ARTICAL AND WOULD LIKE FOR HER TO COME AND SPEAK AT A ONOCOLOGY CONFERENCE".....

WOW..I PRAY SHE FINDS THE MONEY TO BE ABLE TO GO..WISH I HAD IT TO GIVE...

NICE DREARY DAY HERE,  BUT BABY BOY IS OUT FOR THE SUMMER..HE IS OFFICIALLY A SENIOR....

YES DEE HE LOOKS ALOT LIKE KOURTNEY, WHEN SHE WAS ILL AND IN HER BED , SHE LOOKED ALOT LIKE KODY....

GOSH BABY GIRL CAN I DO THIS FOR THE REST OF WHAT IS NOW MY LIFE, CAN I ?

[ericasmom]

Actually I heard that joke Greg from our lawyer. He is a good man, representing those whose children were killed by carelessness.

Beautiful day today, in the high 60's with a breeze, birds singing and loving their lives.

Peace out,

dee

[rodolfo]

HI TO ALL, BY EXPERIENCIENCE DOES IT HELP GOING TO VACATION? I AM TRYNG TO FIX A SUMMER VACATION WITH MY FAMILY AND HELP US EMOTIONALLY. BUT I DONT KNOW IF IT BEING OUT OF HOME IS GOING TO BE MORE WRONG THAN STYNG AT HOME. FEEL MORE BAD IN THE VACATION

PLEASE YOUR COMMENTS

THANK YOU

RODOLFO

[ericasmom]

Rodolpho, again nothing that makes it better or worse for all of us, it just depends. Ask your wife if she feels she can handle being away from home on a vacation for a few days. Maybe work together to choose a place to go and talk about how this will be hard, but as a family it is eventually going to happen whether it is now or next year, that you do family things without your Sweet Son. I did go away to New Mexico 11 months after Eri left, for a wonderful writing class in Taos. But I actually flew to NYC one month after Eri died, with my husband as he had business. I was really unsure if I wanted to go away, home has definitely become my haven, but it was good too. I know that Eri would want me to go do the things that I enjoyed before she left, and she and I had visited NYC together a few years prior to her death. I walked and walked and got lost in Central Park, and wept openly. Grief is going to hit us no matter where we are.

Where are you thinking of going with your family?I think that your thinking about it shows that organizing something for the family feels right for you to do. Remember, the kids are going to grieve differently than you and your wife. I think that you are a very thinking and feeling man, and I am so glad that you are finding ways to figure out the next step.

dee

[rodolfo]

I STILL DONT KNOW, MY SON ALWAYS LIKE THE BEACH, BUT WE ARE THNKING DISNEY WORLD,NYC OR LAS VEGAS WHERE THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE AND ENERGY, BUT STILL DONT KNOW, LIKE I TOLD YOU I AM AFRAID OF FELING WORSE OUTSIDE OF HOME BUT I HAVE TO THINK ALSO OF MY LITTLE SURVIVING SON.

RODOLFO

[dianet]

I am so glad I found you all, now I know I am not alone in this (people tell you that they "know how you feel", how do they know unless they have walked in my shoes. The day Matthew died a piece of me died too, I felt like the whole world should have stopped and mourned with me but life goes on. Matthew's son has boarderline "autism" (he is 4 years old). When he would have what is called "meltdowns", Matthew could pick him up and help him thru them. My daugther-in-law is carry Gabriel back to the Doctor Thursday because he is having these "meltdowns" more often since Matthew is gone. I am a school nurse so I have to put on a brave face at work but when I get behind closed doors I have my own "meltdowns".  Thank-you for being there.

Diane

[ericasmom]

Rodolpho, maybe involving your Son in the decision would be healing to him as well, to begin to plan something, to help him not feel guilty to plan something, the two of you doing this together, but knowing that it will also hold its sadness. No vacation feels as it did, but it can be just the right thing to begin to navigate this loss. You and your Son can look at three places togehter on the internet, and make pro and con lists. It will be hard, but being home all summer might also be hard. Maybe a short trip, maybe to the beach but near other activities too.

Diane, you are definitely not alone, and we are all welcoming you and Rodolpho to this place, both brand new to this loss. We are here. Any time of day too. Your Son's child having more meltdowns makes sense to me, but how very hard for him and all of you. IS he able to see a therapist or can the family go to family therapy? I am a teacher, teach 3rd grade, and I have dealt with kids that have gone through a death as well as have had many autistic and aspergers students. Nothing easy here, I wish I could help.

love,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  I am so glad that you thought about us all being there with you in the interview, and I am also glad that the interviewers seemed less hostile and more caring about what you are going through....I also, very much, hope that this is the last time you have to go through this...  Evidently, Mike was with you also...the "Betsy" on the window, and the picture on FB, what wonderful signs to show that he is around you always.  I am not sure, but wasn't it Betsy who sent up the gold balloon with Mike's name on it, and the very next morning you saw one just like it in the window at the store at the bottom of the hill where you walk with Muttley?  You are surrounded by love, Trud, and though it doesn't lessen the pain of empty arms, it does soften the blows. 

Rodolfo:  I agree with Dee, you seem to be very in tune with your feelings, and you will be a huge help to all of you healing over time.  Yes, it will hurt, but the vacation will also be creating new memories for you and your little family...an important thing for you surviving son to have to hold onto for the future.  Allowing him to "help" in the decision of where to go sounds like a wonderful idea...

Kathy:  Wonderful news about Barry...he is doing so great! 

Bonnie:  I love the story of Jason's raising his arms in love, and am so sorry that you are having to wrangle through all of these expensive legal problems.  You just never know, I guess, who is going to pull the rug out from under you for their own advantage.  My thoughts are with you.  I love that Rich cited Jason's "I love you" format during his service, although it did produce sobs from you...how could it not?  His love, as huge as it is, lives on with you, until you meet again.

Sus:  I love what Mariah said..."I love you the sun and a horse."   How cute and original.  Good luck with your kitchen makeover...a new kitchen set is a good start. 

Lorri:  Love the haircut picture...I agree on the looking like Kourt, also.  Cute.   

We have Damon tonight, so need to go and fix his supper, as he just came to remind me 'Isn't it suppertime now?"  (He came to the store with me and we got some still warm, fresh bakery French bread, and he asked could he have some with his supper...he ate a piece on the way home, while it was still warm, and he was SO happy)

It has been raining/rainy here all day, but we need the rain and when it rains, I don't have to water, so the new seeding is beginning to come up...YAY!  Supposed to be 80 and beautiful again tomorrow. 

Cathi loved the collage we did, though it didn't print out too well.  I was going to have it done over, but Jamie was doing a report for school and needed a bunch of pics of his mom, so we gave it to him for his report, for now.  I gave her a pair of silver hoop earrrings, with filigree design on the bottom, and she said "Oh, I saw these at Christmas and almost bought them for myself but didn't have the money."  So, that was a good surprise.  Her oldest son, Davis, and us, went together to get her a new DVD/VCR player, and she was totally thrilled with that, as well...hers broke down some time ago, and the DVD part hasn't worked since.  We went out to dinner and after dinner we all went up to Mike's site to visit and check the spinner I put there a week or so ago...the spinner is still there, and the visit was bittersweet.  The site does need some trimming up.  The caretakers are supposed to do that, but they don't do around the bench or the stone, so it looks kind of ratty and neglected.  We are getting a trimmer for that.   I noticed that the gravesite a couple over from Mike, the one of Davis's young friend, had been cleaned up a bit, thank heavens.  It only had one half empty beer bottle there, and a full one, instead of all the empties it has held over the winter.  They put up a white cross with flowers on it and you could see where there has been digging and leveling to place a stone.  I still don't understand why they put it so close to the roadway.  If you're not careful when you pull up there in a car, you can step out of the car, right onto the gravesite. 

Got to go, the call for supper comes again...

to all my indigo friends, take care, and you are all in my thoughts and prayers every day.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[rodolfo]

THANKS CAROL AND DEE,  JUST TODAY WE RECIEVED A CALL FROM THE SCHOOL OF MY SON THAT ALL THE STUDENTS AND TEACHER DID ACTIVITIES IN ORDER TO DO A CEREMONY IN MEMORY OF MY SON THEY ARE GOING TO PLANT A TREE, THEY MADE A BENCH AND ALSO A PLATE. IS  A BITTERSWEET TOUGHT, THIS CEREMONY WILL BE THE NEXT TUESDAY I WILL POST THE PHOTOS. I KNEW MY SON WAS SPECIAL TO US AND SOME PEOPLE .HE WAS VERY INTELLIGENT AND HAD A LOT A FRIENDS. THE FUNERAL WHNET MORE THAN 400 PEOPLE. BUT WE NEVER EXPECT THIS FROM THE SCHOOL.IS GOING TO BE VERY HARD.

 

RODOLFO

[mikesmum]

RODOLFO - It never ceases to amaze me just how much of an impact each of our children has on so many others that we might not have been aware of.  The tree and memorial for your son a great sign that he was well liked and respected. 

Sometimes we tend to be so wrapped in our grief we forget the affect on our surviving children.  I hope you son being involved with the plans for your vacation bring joy to you all.

Bonnie - New addendum to the 'Oh no you didn't just say/do that'.  Breaching the 4th amendment?  Kinda don't have that here, but it sounds like a 'grabbing at straws' defence cause you know he breach a whole lota stuff, legal and otherwise. 

I remember sitting with my HR manager and Control Room manager in mediation after Mike died.  Neither had taken an emergency call, in fact neither rarely stepped out of their airconditioned offices.  This woman sat opposite me and when asked by the mediator why she didn't believe I was working that day she produced a printed roster.  On it I was allocated a break which would have had me out of the room at the time of the call.  She flung it across the table and said 'see you weren't even there'.  She forgot the bit where someone was late and I was actually working through my breaks cause we were short staffed.......Have to admit, for a minute I was stumped.

Carol- That's right Betsy did send Mike a gold balloon and the next day 'I found it' at our local party shop......yep messages everywhere.

Kathy - Your grandboy is growing to fast.  Summer sprouting!  Love that Barry has found a new lease on life.  I think though I might have found the 50lbs he lost....25 on the right hip and 25 on the left (lol)

Diane - The day Mike died, his ex partner Lauren told me she was waiting for the 6 o'clock new to announce Micheal Hendrie died today.  The world kept moving but I'm still in many ways riveted to 10:20am 18th Jan 2007.  Part of me is with him always.

Some of you might already know of the FB site Melissa (Mikes sister) started.  RIP Micheal Hendrie.  I clicked on there this morning and saw this from Emily (Melissa's girl), she's 11, she was 7 when Mike left.

Emily Hendrie i just went through all the photos and i started crying because i realised how much i miss him.

I know I know...................

Another crisp morning with sunshine..  Walking the Muttley man and then I have been awarded 3 months of massage/acupuncture by the Insurer to assist with allievating my depression.  And I thought they had no heart.....

[daveydow1]

Hello to all INDIGOES ......Not much to say today. thoughts & prayers

to all at this site. Peace to all.

      Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[ericasmom]

Rodolfo, it will be very hard but very healing too. Not right away, but in the months and years to come. WE too have trees planted in Eri's honor, living memorials, one paid for by my husband's family and placed at the school, one paid for by our old neighbors and at the park at the end of that block. It makes my heart happy that people read her name, it also makes me glad to watch it grow, adn to know that many birds make it a home. I also tie a ribbon to one of them each year to its trunk and so six ribbons later, that trees have grown. While my Daughter could not keep living, these trees serve as reminder to her life, and to the lives ahead that will enjoy the park, the shade she offers, and the shelter she gives to birds.

The school doing this is an amazing testament to your Boy, to the love they have for him, to the promise to remember him, and to honor him and you through this ceremony. It also teaches all the children there, that wewill not forget, this tree will be a reminder of a Boy who loved school, who loved to play, who was and always will be a great friend. I am so happy that they are doing this. Pack a box of tissue adn go and cry openly, it is what any of us would also do, and we will be there in spirit holding your hands.

[ericasmom]

Trudi, go get a massage, take the dog for one too. That ought to do the trick.

I love that you found the 50 lbs that Barry lost, funny girl you are Trudi, and a loved one. Hug little Em for me please, her smile is the picture of her Grammy.

Wow, you and Carol with your great memories, I have very little as far as memory, forgot about the gold balloon, sorry. COOL. Give the Grandy a hug from me.

Hi Sherry.

Yes, Bonnie, I do hope that you and Rich are able to find ways to walk through this crazy situation and rest in knowing that you are in the right. Amazing.

Love to you,

dee

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigo's,

I am very tired tonight, extremely long, exhausting day...

Trudi - I am so glad another heartbreaking day is over for you. I was there, holding you tight, I am so proud of you and I know Mike is too.

Thanks for the congrats to Barry - he is doing so great and is looking good !!

To every one else I promise to catch up tomorrow. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Love and Peace, Kathy

[ericasmom]

Good morning Everyone, hope that the day is great, I will be super busy so I am putting in my hugs early on.

dee

[Guest]

Trudi - How I wish I was there the day that woman said/did that to you!  I can literally see myself flying across the table at her!  So much for softer, kinder thinking.

Sheese!  I don't want to be the bitter, angry woman I seem to becoming.  My sister said it's a natural/normal/necessary path in grief.  I hope so and I hope it passes.  I'm doing more meditation and focusing on life in nature to hopefully soften my approach with people.

I was a "kick ass - ask questions later" type of person from birth.  That trait helped me survive some definite low spots.  But, it's unnecessary now.  Anger misdirected is dysfunctional.  Maybe justified anger isn't too healthy either.  It sure isn't doing any good around me.  But, I can't seem to kick it.

Trudi - be gentle with yourself today! 

Susannah

[briansdad]

Well, today I've been married 33 years. I used to laugh when my Mom used to say God where does the time go. Now I'm saying it. :shock:

[hotsauce]

GREG, congratulation may the day be extra special for you and your wife:)

[shorty16]

Greg

33 years of marriage!  Awesome.  Scott and I will be celebrating 22 years on 6-25-2010 (just 6 days after my Brian's 2 year angelversary.

Colleen

[shorty16]

Rodolfo

What I have learned in my grief journey is, Many other people are also suffering, because of our childs death.  We do not see it, because no-one could suffer more than us.

I have had parents, teachers, students, friends call and send things to my home.  They too want to remember our children.

May you have strength to see the love pouring from your son's friends, teachers, and other people who love him.

Hang in there

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[Guest]

Congratulations to you and your wife, Greg!  33 years.  No small feat!

[ericasmom]

Greg, congrats to you and Jan, what a testament to perserverance and love, to strength and conviction. You both should be very proud. I hope that you will celebrate in some fine way. A gentle day to you both.

Colleen, what a pretty way to say what is in your heart.

Sus, my sister Eileen is much like you as far as kick-ass and ask questions later, and also was a way for her to survive some of the awful that occurred in our home growing up. The way I see it, anger is easier than sad, and I do believe that in our culture, we turn sadness into anger in order to deal with it at all. I believe that in America, adn other countries too, we see anger instead of sadness in boys especially, growing up in the gangs they grow in. Guns then become a tool of choice in which they justify their anger. The sadness of their situation turns into anger and boils and brews until explosions happen. If we see our sadness as sadness, and yes, anger is in the mix too as we are angry at what may have led to our sadness, but then just let the sadness be what is in us, we work our way through it, and while we are never done with the sad piece inside, not ever, we learn to live without the boundaries that can keep us captive, and we learn to live with so much more- and that sadness becomes a piece of our heart, helping us to become more compassionate, feeling, passionate, honest, insightful, and definitely more in touch with our spirit. When anger replaces the sadness, we simply become a storm on two legs, never able to allow anything near our hearts again for fear of hurt.

Sorry, I am going on and on, but it is what I see and what I feel even in the jumbled way I tell it.

dee

[briansdad]

[user=39355]msnher[/user] wrote:

Congratulations to you and your wife, Greg!  33 years.  No small feat!

No small feat! For my wife

[Guest]

Thank you, Dee.  I trust your wisdom.  Once again, I appreciate you sharing from your heart!

Yesterday Mariah brought home a beautiful thank you card from one of the teachers.  Apparently, The other day, Mariah pulled her aside and told her "thank you".  Mariah was timid about telling what she was thanking her for, but finally told her "for saving our lives."

The teacher was having an exceptionally difficult day and Mariah's words made all the difference in the world.

I am so proud of that little girl!  She is so wise.  I wasn't aware of this teacher or the huge part she played in "that day".  Today she and I embraced and shared tears as I, too, expressed gratitude. 

We literally owe the lives of our grandchildren to so many in the school district.  She, in turn, expressed how wonderful it is to be a part of something that turned out so well and to watch the change that has occured in the children. 

What a gift!  Teachers DO make a difference.  You make a difference, Dee.  In your student's lives and in mine.

Much love,

Susannah

[ericasmom]

Well thanks for calling it wisdom, wether it is or is simply an adaptation to survive my own way, I don't know, but nature is what gives me purpose, gives me a cycle that I can understand and count on, and it is in the voices of children and the great outdoors that I am made new.

Love to ya,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Greg:  congratulations to both you and Jan...33 years is a testament to both of you...living with another person for a very long time teaches you much...about each other and about the world.  Blending your personalities and lives is a lot of work and a lot of reward...the rewards don't come without pain, though, as we all know.  Have a wonderful day, and know that Brian is surrounding you with love and pride.  Mike always said he was the only one in his crowd whose parents never divorced and he was always happy to celebrate our anniversary. 

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this here before, but a lot of years ago, some very close friends of ours broke up and divorced.  These two were really close to each other, so the break up was a complete surprise to all who knew them.  The husband moved out of town, but we stayed close to the wife and kids.  One day, after visiting her, we were on our way home and our three kids were in the back seat of the car ...Mike was only a few months old at the time, Kim was 11, and Cathi was 8.  Kim was really quiet and thoughtful.  All of a sudden, she asked "Mom, do you think you and dad will ever break up?"  (of course, now, almost 35 years later, I am wiser to the statements of children and the hidden meanings, but at the time, I was too busy and unwise to think about all that).  I said to her 'No, we won't."  She asked again "what makes you so sure."  Thinking to myself "what the heck am I going to fix for supper tonight," I distractedly said, "I just know we won't."  She persisted.  What came out of my mouth was not planned or rehearsed...(I've since learned to think before I speak...most of the time)...I said "Because dad and I made an agreement when we first got married."  She asked "What kind of agreement??  I said "We agreed that whoever leaves first has to take the kids."  :shock: 

Like I said, since then, I've learned to be more sensitive to the hidden meaning behind my kids' questions, but that statement has long remained part of our "family history."  The kids, who have moved back home more times than I can count, have many times said "We can't leave you two alone; one of you might leave."   I guess that's why our oldest grandson, Davis, pretty much lives with us, staying here 5-6 days out of 7!  His mother is making sure one of us doesn't leave!

Sus:  So glad to hear of the feelings being expressed between your grandies teachers and you and them...shows how much wonderful healing has been going on and how strong they are becoming and recognizing their blessings, as well.  Good for you, and Gary!

love and peace to all...carol mikesmomrs