Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

angel in my garden

[lolynbo]

LOL CRAZY WEATHER...WE SHOULD BE IN FOR MORE TOM....I WILL GET THAT CELLAR CLEANED UP...

AMY THINKING OF YOU, WE ALL KNOW HOW HARD THE FIRST ONE IS....AND THE 2ND AND THE 3RD .......

KIMBERLY LEAVES FOR SWEDEN INN FEW DAYS...HERE SHE IS ROCKIN HER PINK HARD HAT SHE NEEDS TO GO INTO THE REFINERIES AND OTHER COMPANIES...

OH AND YOU CAN HAVE THE SNOW.....I WILL TAKE TORNADOS

[ericasmom]

What a beautiful area you live Susannah, your yard is huge adn the angel in the snow is like the tulip, a reminder of those magical beings...shining no matter the weather.

Pretty in pink Lor, take some flashlights and water down to the cellar...

I think that is the same one posted Bon from the other day, it is truly beautiful, and I may print that out for the family who are now grieving a new loss, Cait's brother. Thanks,

dee

[shorty16]

Dear Indigos

My niece and nephew are both graduating this year from High School.

They are both younger than Brian would be right now.

I dread having to attend these graduations.  I am already crying because I cannot believe the world is still turning and Brian is gone.

How have any of you handled this?  Do you attend these functions even though you know how painful they will be?

Colleen, suffering today

[briansdad]

[user=20150]shorty16[/user] wrote:

Dear Indigos

My niece and nephew are both graduating this year from High School.

They are both younger than Brian would be right now.

I dread having to attend these graduations.  I am already crying because I cannot believe the world is still turning and Brian is gone.

How have any of you handled this?  Do you attend these functions even though you know how painful they will be?

Colleen, suffering today

Colleen,

I've been through weddings without Brian....births without Brian...first communions without Brian and I have to say that I found it hard, but very important to be there for myself and for Brian. You need to look at it that way.

Greg

[ericasmom]

Col, I too have been to all of the above without ERz, baptisms too, and funerals too. I did not go to my niece Laura's college graduation last weekend but she had a lot of folks there for her. Eri would want me there cheering on those making their mark, but if my emotions are too big, or too disruptive, I don't stay long, make an appearance and leave.

I will be going to the first baby shower for an Eri friend...this Saturday Tamara, Eri's oldest friend, (met as newborn adn 6 month olds), will have a shower for her baby girl coming soon. Her wedding was very hard to stay for, slideshow of her as a child with ERi, very difficult, never used so much tissue there and the whole way home. Holy cow. But a baby is coming to her adn I know Eri will shine her light for me to find my way to help celebrate that one.

Love and hugs for strength, remember, crying does not mean weak, it means emotions are there. NOthing to do with strength, obviously we have strength.

dee

[summergirl]

Thank you everyone for your comments on Tavian....yes he is so tall, up to my nose !! so by the end of this year he will be as tall as me or taller, scary thought since he is only 8 years old !!!!   Tonight he told me he was very mad, I asked him why and he said "because they took my mommy away and it isn't fair".......See, he has been acting up a bit in Project Most (his afterschool program from 3 to 4:30) and the teacher talked to me about it with Tavian.  So when I talked to him while he was in the tub tonight that was the answer he gave me......I told him "Tavian, I understand that you are mad and sad that your mommy is in Heaven and not here with us but you cannot misbehave and be disrepectful because you miss her......if you are really sad then you need to talk about it to your teacher. Also, your mommy would not want you to not listen and not behave and there are consequences for your actions"  He listened to me and said he would behave and be a good listener.  Do you think I said the right things to him ??   Sometimes it is so very hard !!!!

My goodness Susannah....look at that snow !!  It was 62 here today and rainy and last week I was lying on the beach in 80 degree weather !!!

Lorri - what a beauty in her pink hard hat....love it. I too would take a tornado over snow and hurricanes !!!!

Erie PA, yes I have talked about it and really want to go but do not have the funds right now to go.......hopefully this fall I will be able to make the trip and it would be a beautiful time to go with all the fall folige. It is about an 8 hour drive but will be worth it.

Time to get Tavian to bed as he was up till 9:30 last night so a tired boy.  Love and Peace to all, Kathy

[summergirl]

Wanted to share this with you. There is a website Barry found where this lady does sillouttes.....He sent her a picture of Jessica and the following is what she sent back. She is doing them for free until May 28th.   Here is her website in case any one is interested.  Her e-mail is awolf76@gmail.com and her website is www.theladywolf.blogspot.com .    Her name is Amanda.   What do you think of the one she did of Jessica ???

[ericasmom]

Yes Kathy, I do think that you said the right thing, he needed to know that he cannot use his grief as an out for his behavior...while we know it is an excuse for the way we all feel, we learn to be able to separate one's feelings from one's reactions/and or behavior. That is hard, we all struggle with it, but it can be made more clear by giving him a scenario that you face too, or that Grandpa faces...such as: my boss wanted me to stay late and work on a special project she  has but I was angry and tired and I was thinking of Jess all day and so I yelled at my boss for asking so much of me. You can ask him if he thought you handled that well? You can ask how better could you have handled that? HOw could MiMi get rid of some of the pent up anxiety and sadness? YOu are looking for the words, self control, and if he doesn't use them, you can find ways to say them as applied to yourself like for example: I don't always use my self control, but when I don't then I am turning my sadness/anger on the wrong situation.

I give you a great deal of credit for all you face raising a young one, he is a lucky young man to have such loving parents in you and Barry. Same to all of you out there helping to raise the Babies of others. I admire the commitment and the tenacity and strength. I admire the devotion, and I am quite certain that your Babies do too.

[ericasmom]

Cool Kathy.

[lolynbo]

VERY NICE KATHY...I THINK YOUR DOING WONDERFUL WITH TAVIAN...JESSICA IS HAPPY.HE IS SAFE AND LOVED...AND SLIGHTLY SPOILED

[mikesmomrs]

I've lost two posts using thbizs danged phone...grrr.

Just wntd to say that ralph goes for his second opinion tomolrrow...praying like crazy...

Amy...hope all went well with ur hubby...or is that tomorrow...

Col...u can only do wht u can do...and remember, as dee said,tears ared okay...brian is w u

Kathy...good wordsz from u to tav...grt pic of jess...

To all.:.have a gd night...sending love to all here...u r all so special..

Signing off before I lose this post too..

Love and peace. CArol mikesmomrs

[briansdad]

This is for Dee.... sorry Dee I thought it was funny.

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

Will keep your hubby in my prayers tomorrow. You're doing great with the phone!

Kathy,

The silhouette of Jess is amazing! Thank you for sharing it!

Greg,

You're funny ...... great picture.

Dee,

Did you like Gregs picture?

Colleen,

Anytime there is a gathering and families are together ..... it's hard. My Dad's funeral was especially hard. Jay would have been there .... he was all about family and loved his grandpa dearly.

He was the background music the whole time we were there .......

I wish you strength!

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Momma

[ericasmom]

Hilarious Greg, my Son will love it too as I will send it to him. He is not the fan my Mom was, that is for sure. He is rather sick of them, but oh boy, GO BLACKHAWKS! I still love the CUBS but am not a baseball watcher really. My Sis Mary Anne however, is just like my Mom was, watches or listens to each game. If she is working, she has a small radio in the coffee room, and tunes in when she can. So cute. Greg, have you ever been to a Cubs game in Chicago? Nice park, very nice.

Love and hugs to All,

Carol, I agree with Bon, you are doing nicely with the phone, far better than I would do. Prayers for Ralph, ongoing and often.

Goodnight,

dee

[mikesmum]

Carol - I'm sensing your sports rivalry is not that different to AFL football.  I barrack for Collingwood, Magpies.  We have been the struggling club, kinda of the bridesmaid rarely the bride.    This season we have done well...

Will be thinking of you & Ralph tomorrow.  Tiny keys - not something I can handle well.  I can just manage the laptop.

Kathy - Yes that young man has grown in so many ways.  Finding away for him to express his loss has got to be hard.  Goodness I'm short and older and I don't know how to.

Dee - Hope you remember to be kind to yourself this weekend when you support Eri's friends as they come home at this time of sadness. 

Colleen - As Dee says, stay only as long as you can handle it.  Its wonderful if you can be present for Brian, but I know I only made it 20mins at Lauren's 30th before I was overwhelmed by Mike's pictures and all his friends being together reminding me he wasn't there.

Tomorrow Emily Melissa and I are taking an overnight ROADTRIP to Geelong.  Its about 2 1/2hrs by car.  Em's in the aerobics competition being held there.  So we booked overnight.   Its our first three generational trip.   I used to do similar with Melissa and my mum, now I'm the old crone who will be getting up in the night, shuffling around looking for specs fidgeting to get comfortable....ahhh age!

It winter here - 8C now with big black threatening skies bucketing down.

Take Care all Indigos - Trudi

[ericasmom]

A wondrous winter trip for the three women of the family. I love that the three of you are going to hang out all weekend, give the other two directions to be kind to the OLDER SHORT LADY, she's my Buddy.

Love to you,

dee

[mom2sarah]

Hi Mothers & Fathers,

  Its been quite awhile since I have posted here but I belong to the same

club as all of you belong to.  Many things have happened in the last year

since we lost our sweet Sarah in Aug 08' from a one car SUV rollover.  Much has happened on the insides and outside of my hubby & I.  Those who can remember me

know I had only one child who lived 27 years on earth with us. You all know how

our children leaving us yanked the very hearts out of us.  As heart wrenching as it is

we still have get up and stand up while the pain burns on the inside. And most of us do survive wether we want to or not. Sure we rest too as we need to heal but in the beginning its a one foot in front of the other walk. At least it was for me.

  It did not take long before we were asked to help a family member support and keep

their son (our nephew) in our home while he was on house arrest for some serious

drug and firearms charges.  Our nephew was a good kid who made some stupid choices in his young life and having him live with us brought us growth. Now he is serving time in state prison but deeply involved in the prison ministry there.

  Now we are seeing so many young adults getting in trouble with drugs and the law

all around us in our families and friends lives. Where we fit in I do not know?  It may be a continuance to pray, house, minister and care for the young in this backward society we live in now or it was just a season set apart to keep our nephew intact

but whatever it is we must be willing. I could be upset with God for taking our daughter from us and then giving us a broken boy to love and care for (which I was at first) but like Job I must learn its not my call.  Sarah my sweet Sarah is no doubt

in total care of her loving Forever father now and although I miss her pretty face something awful I want her to be happy and complete more. We will always miss her and love her but we are still here and until its our turn to be completed we must endure , persevere and surrender here.  But what a Glorious day that will be when we are all together with Jesus =)

Laura (mom2sarah)

 

[shorty16]

Indigos

Thanks for the comments concerning the numerous graduation parties were are asked to attend this year.

We will not be attending Nathan's (my nephew) graduation in Tennessee.  It is a 10 hour drive and I know I would last 2 hours and be a puddle on the floor.  Nathan was only 3 months younger than Brian.

We are attending Marissa and Chelsey's graduation.  Marissa is in Madision (1.5) hour.  We told Chris (Marissa's Mom) that we would come for the morning and leave when the ceremony starts.

We are also attending Chelsey's graduation (20 min. away).  Chelsey is leaving for the army right after graduation.

It is just so sad for me that these great milestones in peoples lives are overshadowed by my grief concerning Brian.  I am wondering if it will ever get easier.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[briansdad]

Here is what a friend of mine has as her sign off on her e-mails.

I use to be somebody, now I am somebody else!

I think this fits us all.

Peace Out.

 

[ericasmom]

Greg, I love that one, it is perfect.

I also love the photo of Brian, so much like his Daughter. How is her baseball skills coming? Is she still enjoying the game?

Mom2Sarah, I am glad to see you again, knowing that you have come so far in your journey. I agree, until we are not here, we do what we can to make life good for others and ourselves. Life is not easy, adn to work and care for those whose lives are reckless adn off kilter has got to be hard work, so I tip my hat to you as you find ways to lend your heart and energy to those in most need.

Col, sounds like a good plan. One day it will not feel as cumbersome, but things are still pretty fresh for you, and these are the milestones that make us take notice. It may feel as though the world stopped for you but everyone kept spinning, but you have too, evolving through your grief into a 'new someone'. Someone Brian is happy to call MOM>

Peace out,

dee

[mikesmum]

Thanks Greg.  I'm to be 'assessed' yet again by a panel of shrinks as to my % of ability to return to my job.  I think I might use that as my opening in interview.

I used to be Trudi, Nurse, EMD, mother, Granma.....the only thing that remains the same.....being Mike, Melissa & Stevens mum, Emily Zak Caleb Harmony and Jeya's granma.

Packing the car - hoping for clearing skies later today.

[mom2sarah]

Dee,

  You always know just the right thing to say to everyone.  Thank You for your kind

admonishment and my hats off to you because you are always lending your heart out to help us when we are what would seem to others as beyond help.  Hugs

 

Claudia,  I miss your deep and abiding wisdom and although I am not a regular you are always on my mind. I shall never forget you my Dear compassionate Claudia

To all of you I call you my Forever Friends and I hope we all connect in the hereafter with each other and our children who brought us altogether her  Smile Jesus Cares

Laura =)

[daveydow1]

Laura---So good to see beautiful Sarah's sweet smile. Peace to you.

Amy---I hope that your husband's surgery went ok, and that he will be

recovering soon. Thoughts & prayers.

Susannah----Love the pics of the yard/garden & angel, although I imagine

you're not thrilled with the white stuff.

Kathy---Oh so nice......the sillouhette of Jessica.

Carol---Sending prayers that Ralph's surgery went ok.

Colleen----OH, I sympathize with you........being invited to all those graduations.

While we know that 'life goes on', and there are social obligations we have to

do, there is no doubt that there is that ache deep in the heart that no amount of

time can change. May your Brian shine down on you on a sumbeam, and warm

your heart with his love. Peace, friend.

Dee----Sending prayers for Caitlin & family. Your house looks nice. Don't worry

about the needed paint job.........it just has a little "history" on it.  Take care.

                   Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[ericasmom]

Laura, I am longer on this road, and somehow feel that what I can do now is let folks know that the steep inclines and rocky holes in the journey become less problematic, the road becomes smoother and as you/we go along, we find some of our pieces, and we find ways to live with the missing pieces too. Peace to you.

Claudia and Marcia, may the visit you have shared bring new joy to your hearts.

Sherry, thanks, Cait is surrounded by her good Buddies, and I know how good they are having been surrounded by them before.

Trudi, hopefully the folks that interview you will see the person that we all know, the wonderful Momma/Grandma/Friend who used to be someone we didn't know because we are connected through the huge tragedy that changed our lives. We are made different, and if any one of us were in the same situation that you found yourself that sad day, we would not return to our jobs either, at least not unless we felt the drive to do that work again. Why in Heaven's name would they expect it, adn why  would they want you to do that incredibly draining job if you were not up for it?

Jonathan and Shannon left for Louisiana today, Baton Rouge. They drove. Shan's Daddy lives there so they are going for a short visit and then Shannon flies from there to Florida for a business trip, and Jon will meander back. Prayers for a joyous and safe journey.

Love and hugs,

dee

[mysonrich]

I just talked to my aunt, my mothers sister. She is 82 and will have been married 60 years on the 27th. She told me that my uncle is now on morphine, that is all they are giving him. I tried  to talk to her, tell her that it isn't "the end". I guess , ...she said that its different for me because I'm young. I guess I am to her. I understand what she was saying but I don't know how to console her. I can't. I know that. With Rich dieing at 20 and my nephew at 13, my brother at 14, my sister at 43...my uncle lived a good, rich life but I know I can't say that. I can't say a whole that will help.

[ericasmom]

Betsy, it is a different kind of loss, but she knows that you know on a whole other level what it is to mourn, and she may come to you as she travels this leaving. What a long marriage, and yes, a full life. I am always happy to hear when folks live into their 70,s and on.

[andrewsmother]

It has been quite quite a while since I posted here, so many things have happened and I have been in such a dark place that everytime I tried to post I didn't know where to start.  First and foremost to those new folks on this forum, I am so sorry for the reason you are here, but this is a great group of people that truly understand.  I moved from that horrible place I called home to a much smaller place, I feel good about that since I am at my parents complex now and don't feel so overwhelmed with the huge house and all the responsibilities that came with it.  I also found a new job working at a different bank (thanks to a suggestion from someone here), at least now I have a set salary although not high but enough to support myself and my other son Chris, Im really not looking to be rich...just enough to pay my bills, Im thankful for this new opportunity but worried about a new job during such a horrible time in my life.  It will be 5 months on the 19th of this month since Andrew was killed in the car accident, and the last month or so has been the worst so far, not sure if this is just a stage of grief but I certainly do not feel any better...in fact, much much worse.  I have missed so many birthdays and angelversaries, I am so sorry about that.  I do read sometimes, but mostly I find I don't have the strength to write.  Trying to get by one day at a time, Mother's Day was truly horrific for me, as Im sure it was for many of you as well.  Only my son Chris keeps me going.  I have to go now since Im at work, but just wanted to check in with all of you and send you my love.

Rosie, Andrew's mom forever

[shorty16]

Rosie - So glad to here from you.  Sounds like you are doing all you can - one step, sometimes one breath at a time.

Indigos

Last night, I went out to eat with my two girlfriends who "Don't get it" .  I have been friends with them for decades and our relationship has changed due to Brian's death.  They become stiff and change the subject when I say Brian's name.

Well, last night was not as bad as the other times.  I could tell they were really trying.  They still could not bring themselves to say his name.  Why does that bother me so much?

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forver

 

[lolynbo]

THINK WE GOT SOME RAIN????YESTERDAY THE POOL LOOKED NICE AND CLEAR...TODAY LOOK WHAT I GET

[briansdad]

[user=22932]lolynbo[/user] wrote:

THINK WE GOT SOME RAIN????YESTERDAY THE POOL LOOKED NICE AND CLEAR...TODAY LOOK WHAT I GET

The heck with swimming I think you should stock it with Bass.

Greg

[lolynbo]

MY $200 WORTH OF CHEMICALS IS FLOATING DOWN THE STREET...THIS IS HOW IT LOOKED WEDS....

BROOKE SWIMMING....I THINK WE CLD PUT FISHIES IN IT ...

[ericasmom]

Rosie, three huge changes in your life all in the span of 5 months, the worst of course, and then the other changes, moving and job change. Rosie, the shock is wearing off and so those dark places you have been were where I was when I found this place, right around 5 months. Until the shock started wearing away, I felt like I was doing fairly well as far as coping, my sadness was HUGE but I was coping, then the layers that shed themselves left me feeling like an open wound, no protectiive layers anymore, nothing made much sense other than loving my Girl and my Son, and going to school each day to be with my students. Those things made sense, but little else. It changes after a while, but you have to go through this phase in order to get to the next ones.

The quote that Greg posted yesterday says it best: I used to be somebody, but now I've become someone else. The basic good human that you are is still there Rosie, but right now you might not seem recognizable to yourself. Take time each day to have some quiet, to get close to your heartbeat, and let yourself cry when you need to. Be kind, drink plenty of fluids on those heavy cry days, must keep your fluids up. Take a vitamin C a couple times a day and take a Bvitamin to help break up your food into energy. Andrew's sweet and handsome face reminds us all of how dear our losses are, how fresh, how devastating. We are here still however, for a reason we might not understand now but will one day.

Peace to you,

Lorri, we had 4 inches of rain, but no pool, so Wow, that is amazing.

Carol, any news? Amy, any news?

[rodolfo]

HI TO ALL

I AM NEW ON THIS WEBPAGE, SORRY ABOUT MY ENGLISH I AM FROM MEXICO, MI FAMILIY AND I MOVE ABOUT 4 YEARS AGO HERE IN THE UNITED STATES WE ARE LEGALY PERMANENT RESIDENTS, I FOUND THIS PAGE BEACUSE I NEED HELP WITH MY GRIEF. MY SON WHO AS 12 DIED THE 26 OF APRIL 2010, HERES THE STORY, PLEASE READ IT PROBABLY SOME ONE CAN UNDERSTAND A LITTLE BIT HOW GOD WORKS BEACUSE ALL OF YOU HAVE GONE IN THE SAME ROAD AND THE WORDS THAY YOU CAN GIVE ME CAN EASE MY PAIN.

MY SON WAS BORN ON 07 OF FEB ON 1998,HE WAS OUR SECOND CHILD OF 3, EVERTHING WAS NORMAL UNTIL HE BEGUN TO WALK, HE WAS WALKING WITH HIS TOES, WE DIDNT NOTICE BUT AFTER THE AGE OF 2, ALL THE FAMILY ASK US TO ASK A DOCTOR AND WHEN THE DOCTOR CHECK WE DID THE EXAM OF BLOOD TO SE IF IT WAS MUSCULAR DISTROPHI, BUT IT WAS NEGATIVE THEN WE BEGUN TO SE A LOTTOF DOCTOR THEY DID ALL KIND OF STUDIES,(BIOPSIES, EMG, BLOOD) BUT ALL STUDIES WHER INCONCLUSIVES SO AFTER THE AGE OF 4 WE STOP SEEING DOCTORS BECAUSE NOBODY DID FIND NOTHING ABUT HIS MUSCULAR WEAKNESS.WE THNK THAT IT WILL REMAIN THIS WAY FOREVER THAT THE DISEASE DIDNT PRGORESS, HE WAS GOINT TO MARTIAL ARTS, BASEBALL, SWIMING, GOOD GRADES AT SCHOOL ALWASY WITH REWARDS.AND WE DID NOTICE THAT THE WEAKNESS DINDT PROGRESS.

BUT AT THE AGE OF 10, ON OCTOBER OF 2008 HE AND HIS SMALL BROTHER GOT A COLD, HE REMAIN VARIOUS DAYS WITH IT AND DIDNT GOT AWAY AFTER AND XRAY THAT THE DOCTOR ORDER TO SE IF HE HAD PENUMONIA THEY FIND OUT THAT HE HAD A ENLARGED HEART (DILATED CARDIOMIOPHATI) AND HSI CARDIOLOGIST SAID THAT HIS HEART WAS VERY WEAK THE ONLY CURE WAS A TRANSPLANT, THE SAME DAY THE PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL IN 3 DAYS HE RESPOND VERY WELL WITH THE TREATMEN BY I.V. BUT THE HEART DIDNT REDUCED THE SIZE IT ONLY GOT BETTER FUNTIONING , SO HE BEGUN THE TREATMENT WIT ALMOST 10 PILLS DAILY. WE BEGIN SEEING A LOT A DOCTORS AND ALOS A LOT OF EXAMS TRIYNIG TO FIND OUT IF THE DISEASE OF THE HEART IT WAS NOT RELAETD WITH HIS MUSCULAR WEAKNESS , AND I THINK YEST IT WAS ALL RELATED BUT OF ALL THE MUSCULAR DISTROPHIES DISEASES NOT ONE WAS WITH THE SYMPTOMS THAT HE HAD THAT MAKE ME HAPPY BUT ALSO NERVOUS. BE BEGAN TO DIE SLOWLY HE LOST 20 LBS. HE BEGUN TO HAVE PROBLEM WITH HIS BELLY, HIS LEGS , HE WAS MORE WEAK, HE REMAIN WALKING AND HE ONLY HAD STREGNTH TO GO TO SCHOOL HE REMAIN WITH EXCELLNT GRADES.. HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL 8 TIMES, AND ALWAYS AFTER I.V. OF MEDICIEN HE GOT BETTER,  ALL THE CARDIOLOGIST HERE IN THE US AND MEXICO TOLD ME THAT THE ONLY CURE WAS A TRANSPLANT BUT HE WAS STILL NOT  A CANDIDATE. I BEGUN A READ A LOTA ND ALSO A LOT OF RESEARCH WITH DOCTORS I NITICED THAT SOME DOCTORS LIKE TO HELP YOU BUT A LOT THEY DONT GIVE A DAM.

AFTER A LOT I FIND OUT THERES AND INVESTIGATION OF STEM CELLS OF BONE MARROW THAT THEY IMPLANTED DIRECTE TO THE BLOODSTREAM AND THEY CAN CURE HEART DISEASE, AFTER MONTHS TRING TO FIND OUT  CLINICS IN ALL THE WORLD, SINCE HE WAS A CHILD NO ALL THE DOCTORS ARE WILLING TO HELP YOU, SO WHEN I RECIVED A CALL FROM MONTERREY IN MEXICO THAT IS 2 HOURS FROM THE BORDER I THANKED GOD. AND MY AND MY WIFE WHER THINKING IF THIS IS THE PLAN OF GOD ALL THE DOOR ARE GOING TO OPEN, AND YES AFTHER 3 VISIT TO MONTERREY THE 4 VISIT IT WAS FOR HIS TREATMENT I WAS SUPOOSED TO BE A SAMLL PROCEDURE AND WE ONLY GOING TO BE AT HOSPITAL ONE DAY , IT WAS SUPOSSED TO BE THE 27 OF APRIL AT 7.30 AM AND THE DOCTORS ASK US TO BE ONE DAY BEFORE AT THE HOSPITAL SO THE CAN HAVE VERTHING READY.

HE WAS DOING OK. THE DAYS BEFORE, EATING WELL SLEPING WELL, EVERTHING WAS JUST FINE HE WAS STRONG SO I WAS HAPPY AND HAD A LOT OF HOPE THAT THE TREATMENT WAS GONIG TO HELP.I GOT FROM WORK EARLY SO WE CAN DO THE 2 HOUR DRIVE TO MONTERREY, WE ONLY WHENT TO THE TRIP HIS MOTHER AND I SO WE CAN SLEEP WITH HIM IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM, MY MOM STAY AT HOME WITH HIS SISTER AND BROTER. AFTER WE CROSS THE BORDER HE ASK ME TO BUY A LEMON ICREAM ,  HE WAS EATING IR REAL SLOW HE WAS ADMIREING THE ROAD AND COUNTRYSIDE, HE WAS RIDING IN THE CAR IN THE FRONT WITH ME, MY WIFE WAS IN THE BACK SEAT AFTER ONE HOUR OF DRIVING AND JUST AFTER HE FINIS HIS ICREAM I TOLD HIM THAT IF HE WANT IT TO GO TO SLEEP THAT WE HAD ONE HOUR LEFT TO THE HOSPITAL. AFTER 5 MINUTES THAT HE BEGUNG TO SLEEP, I FEEL LIKE A STRONG KNOCK IN MY BODY AND I LOOK TO SEE HIM AND I SAW HIM STILL SLEPP AND I MOVE HIM AND DIDNT RESPOND I STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND MOVE HIM AND DIDNT REPSOND ME AND MY WYFE TRI TO GIVE HIM CPR BUT DIDNT RESPOND IT WAS ALL CONFUSION , CRIED AND YELLS. AND DIDNT RESPOND. AFTER 18 MONTS OF HIS HEART DISEASES DIAGNOSED , HE WAS DEAD, JUST ONE HOUR TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL, WHY IT HAPPEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RAOD? WHI WHEN HE WAS IN BETTER CONDITION? WHY THIS THING DIDNT HAPPEN WHEN HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL OR AT HOME OR IN THE CITY? WHY GOD OPEN ALL THE DOORS FOR THIS TREATMENT AND DINT LET US FINISHED?

THE DOCTOR TOD US THAT HE GOT A DEADLY  ARRHYTMIA.RIGHT NOW I AM THE STAGE THAT I AM BLAMING MYSELF AND BALMING THE DOCTORS

THANKS IF YOU READ THIS

RODOLFO

 

 

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's,

Just a quick stop in to say hello. Long day, work and then baseball game...

Thank you, I love the sillouhette of Jessica....the lady is doing them free for anyone who sends her a pic until May 28th.....Barry is going to print one out in vinyl for my car.  Tavian has one on his wall, he loves it.

I think of you all each day and keep you always in my thoughts. Will catch up soon.

Love and Peace, Kathy

[ericasmom]

Rodolfo,

my goodness what a hard story to live and to tell. I admire the strength it took to tell us about your Beautiful Son. I am so sorry that you and your wife and family have had this heartbreaking loss.

The why questions do not get answered here, maybe one day when we all meet up again, but for after a while the question that might make more sense is HOW? How will you find ways to let go of the guilt you are feeling? How iwll you deal with the anger you feel toward the doctors? How will you and your Wife find ways to honor the life of your Son? How will Brother and Sister find ways to grieve and celebrate the life of their Brother?

You are so new to this sad time, you will need to allow your grief and allow time to wash over you. I know for many of us we had to go back to work so if that is true for you, try to find time in your workday where you can privately grieve for a little bit of time each day so that you are not holding everything in. Make sure that you all take good physical care of yourselves so that you do not get rundown and sick. Grief is exhausting. Make sure the kids see the school counselor so that they have an outlet for their grief, remember, kids often try to hide their grief because they are afraid of making their parents more sad.

Good luck Sir, hugs for you and the Family.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are.

Peace,

dee

[lolynbo]

RODOLFO,

I DONT HAVE ANSWERS FOR YOU MY FRIEND...THE WHYS WILL KILL YOU AND THE IFS...WE ALL HAVE THEM...IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS OF YOUR LIL BOY...THEY WAY YOU HAD HOPES AND HAD SOMETHNG TO COUNT ON JUST TO BE TAKEN FROM YOU "IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD"...

I TOO HAD DEEP LOSS AND EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER OF HELL....YOU CAN READ ABOUT MY SWEET GIRL KOURTNEY LYNN IN MY PROFILE...STILL SO PAIN FUL TO READ AND TALK ABOUT IM GOING ON 2 YRS NEXT MONTH OF HER DEATH...THAT SOUNDS LIKE IM TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE BUT IM NOT ITS MY GIRL...MY HEART..

AGAIN I AM SO GLAD YOU FOUND US...WE SUK AT LIFE (ALL OF US) BUT WE ARE HERE FOR YOU..WE SURE TRY TO HELP EACH OTHER HERE EVEN THOUGH MOST THE TIME WE CANT HELP OURSELVES..WITH THE ANSWERS

MY BABY GIRL KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL 22 YRS ODL FULL OF LIFE AND LOVE

[mysonrich]

Rodolfo, so sorry you are here and so sorry to read of the death of your son. You have found the right place to talk, read, yell, scream out in words what you are feeling. We will listen, not judge and cry with you. Is Rodolfo also your sons name?

My son died from a cardiac dysrhythmia also called arrhythmia . My son was 20 years young and died in his sleep. That was January 18,2009. I still ask myself why. I don;t know and as Dee said,we won't ever know some answers. Not now.

Stay with us when you can.

Betsy,myson;Rich

[mikesmum]

Rodolfo - Please except my sincere sympathies.  Losing your son just as you have been given a glimmer of hope for recovery is more than anyone could bare.  There are more questions than answers when you lose a child at any age.  Him sleeping peacefully as he passed can be of some comfort, but I know it will never replace having him in your life. 

Colleen - Its simple they lived before they died so why not say their names....remember that being a big thing for us all in MN....SAY THEIR NAMES.

Lorri - from pool to natural lake with Bass no less.  Sounds like a plan.  You could open up a fish farm for people to come fish. 

Rosie - So many changes that sound more positive than before.  Sorry you had such a horrible Mothers day - they're never the same are they.

This year I pretty much had the day alone.  My daughter decided we should do an overnight road trip to coincide with Emily's aerobic competition.  Well I would have to say it was the best (late) Mothers day I have had since I lost Mike.

Miss Emily getting ready for comp.

The promenade at Eastern Beach Geelong (no we didn't do the helicopter)

The Merry Go Round, built in 1890 from NYC on the boardwalk.  Memories..

Bollards dot the boardwalk in many groups.  This is the Military Band circa 1900's

To all Indiogs - peace to you all

Marcia - safe travels home...

[ericasmom]

Trudi, my heart is happy that your night away was lovely. Give those girls a hug from me.

Love to you

Col, so many still can't deal with the death which means that they don't acknowledge their lives, which means, I can't be with those people. I wish they knew how the name is like song.

dee

[Guest]

Rodolfo - I am so sorry for the loss of your son.  Here, you will find you don't have to walk alone.

Well, my oldest daughter and her boyfriend are on their way to New Hampshire.  For the first time, her boyfriend and I had a really nice visit last night.  I was able to see the softer side of him and the reason my girl loves him so much.  They have a long drive ahead of them.

Wishing you all peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

WANTED TO SHARE WITH YAL MY FLIP FLOPS BROOKE HAD MADE FOR ME FOR MOTHERS DAY....FRIKN CUTE...IM NOT A FLIP GIRL BUT I WILL WEAR THESE...KOURTNEY LOVEDDDDDD FLIPS...

[mysonrich]

My Uncle Morris died last evening around 6PM EST. Now I drive 2 hours to tell my mom. I can;t tell her over the phone.

The viewing will be at the same place we had Richie's. The same place for everybody in our family it seems.

I shed tears for my Uncles family, his wife and kids. The difference being there is no shock.

this is real as Richie's wasn't. I know you all understand what I mean.

Betsy,mysonRich

 

[hotrod]

Dear Betsy

I am so very sorry for your loss.  You are in my thoughts and prayers this weekend.

Take us Indigos with  you as you travel and know that you are not alone.

Betty Stephen'smom:(

[Guest]

Betsy - I'm sorry for your loss and yes, I understand...it is not a shock..not like Rich.  Like Betty said, take us with you.

Much love,

Susannah

[ericasmom]

Betsy, imagine the greeting your Uncle will have. So many wonderful young men to welcome him, to show him around. I am sorry for the loss, but happy for his long life. I think that it is so lovely of you to drive this news to your Momma. WE hold you and your Family as you gather to say goodbye.

Michael's wake was at the same place Eri's was, and so many people we know and love in between Eri's leaving and her Daddy's. There is nothing easy about being in that same place.

Lorri, I can't wear flips at all, but I would find a way if someone had those made. Those are so special. I might even hang those up as a decoration instead of a wreath. So sweet to have those made for you.

Glad Sus, that your spirit feels more at ease with the boyfriend. I will say prayers for safe travels adn goodness.

I planted the window boxes in the back today, and the two that surround the front steps. Tomorrow, maybe, if the ground dries a bit under the front window  I will plant those window boxes. If not we wait because more rain is coming. I have to put a ladder up there to get to the boxes and the gardens below would be hurt by a ladder if the ground is wet. The planting did my spirit some good as I now prepare for the shower for Tamara. This is Eri's oldest friend, having a baby girl in June. Blessings. I am tearful so I hope that I can go and be dry-eyed and return. I bought the prettiest little onsie and bib, so soft. They are cream colored spun cotton with a multi-colored dragonfly on the front. Beautiful. Dragonflies: messenger from Heaven.

[4everjoeysmom]

Rodolfo - Lo siento mucho! I am so sorry for your pain and loss of your beautiful son. My heart is very sad and heavy for you and all of the questions you have inside for God, but no answers. I too lost my son Joey. He died just three months after I moved from USA to Ecuador as a missionary. I also wondered why God allowed him to die after I have dedicated my whole life to be about the work of God to serve his people in a country far from my home. The only answer I have in my heart is that Joey always belonged to God and still does, and so do I. He is my son here on earth, but he is my brother in the family of God, and God is our Father. As difficult and painful as my life is here without him, I am healing in a slow process, because I know I will one day be reunited with Joey. That is where I find my peace. The hardest part of losing Joey is that I miss his physical presence in my life here. He is alive in the presence of God. I believe with my whole heart. But it is still difficult in this life here. And when Joey died, all of my dreams shared that were his dreams went with him. So I had to learn in time to make new dreams. The new dreams are still with my surviving son Patrick, and also with things I am doing now that help to bring me comfort and peace. It is hard for a long time to find peace. But if you have even just a little bit of faith, hold onto the promises of God, that He will not leave or forsake us. His purpose is eternal. It is hard for us to see eternity from here. But He is there, and so is your son, and my son, and those He has called to Himself from this world. They die only for a moment from this life, to open their eyes immediately to new, eternal life and purpose fulfilled with us and God. We are still connected to our children, because we are the family of God here AND there. We are only separated by the invisible line of time and space here to eternity there. Imagine your life and his life still connected in God's hands. You will miss your son very much. It is painful. And you will need much comfort for healing. We are friends here and family of a community of broken hearts. But even in brokenness can come hope and healing. There is no perfect explanation for why your son died on the road, in your arms, so close to being treated. maybe the treatment would work. Maybe not. Maybe it would make him more sick and suffering, and maybe God spared him and took him home to Heaven in a very happy moment, with you, after ice cream, and in a soft and gentle sleep--no pain in that moment. Sometimes we can see the blessing in that. And sometimes all we see is our guilt and shame for not doing more. But you did everything you could do. You are a good dad. Remember you have children at home who still need you and love you. This will be hard for them too. Nothing about your son's death is your fault. And maybe the doctors could help. Maybe not. Only God really knows. But if you can imagine your son, shining in the radiance of God in Heaven, waving and happy, singing and eating ice cream, and his heart is perfect...maybe you can close your eyes and hear his voice, and maybe you can know without any doubt in your heart at all that your son is alive and perfect and well, and happy, and cured of his heart disease. He is everything God created him to be forever, for eternity.

Dios les bendiga much contigo y tu familia. Yo estoy orando mucho para ti. Tu ijo vive con mi ijo en el Cielo en la presencia de Dios...SIEMPRE!!!

Claudia (Forever Joey's Mom)

[mikesmum]

[user=27668]mysonrich[/user] wrote:

My Uncle Morris died last evening around 6PM EST. Now I drive 2 hours to tell my mom. I can;t tell her over the phone.

The viewing will be at the same place we had Richie's. The same place for everybody in our family it seems.

I shed tears for my Uncles family, his wife and kids. The difference being there is no shock.

this is real as Richie's wasn't. I know you all understand what I mean.

Betsy,mysonRich

 

Betsy - I get the difference.  I lost my mum 5yrs ago tomorrow and while I was sad, grieved and miss her she was 80, suffering with Alzheimers and frail.  She had been widowed for 24yrs.  It was 'expected', she went to be with dad and left behind children grandchildren and great grand children....I know in the other world it might sound glibe, but thats the order it should be..to lose your child goes against that in every sense.

My heart to you as you make the drive and break the news, not an easy day for you but pls take us with you...Trudi

[hotsauce]

Dear Besty, i am so sorry for the loss of your uncle, please have a safe trip visting with your mother.

your in my prayers as is everone here.

 

Dear Rodolfo, sorry for the lost of your son, your family is also in my prayers.

mary ann

[hotsauce]

Dear Besty, i am so sorry for the loss of your uncle, please have a safe trip visting with your mother.

your in my prayers as is everone here.

 

Dear Rodolfo, sorry for the lost of your son, your family is also in my prayers.

mary ann