Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

My son is in the hospital on 72 hr watch.  He overdosed this morning.  He is safe for now.

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

 

Susannah  Your son is in my prayers. 

 Bonnie Thank you for that  beautfiul meemory of Jason and that picture is so sweet.

 

Betty

Stepjen'smom

 

 

[daveydow1]

Dan---The writing you posted is so very touching. I think each one of us

here can mentally envision that it came from our beloved Angels. Thanks

for posting it.

Greg-----WOW !    THAT'S A FISH !!!!!!

Bonnie----Such a lovely story about Jason and the biblical reading. This is

indeed a 'golden treasure'  in your wonderful store of sweet memories.

Thanks for posting, and also for the sweet pic of Jay.

Susannah----You are so wise and loving for your grandies. Peace to you.

Claudia----So nice that you and Marcia are having a good visit.....sightseeing etc.

Must go for now, Indigoes, fmy grandies will soon be here for the 'over-nighter'

I'll be tired when they go home, but as Dee says......"it's a good kind of tired".

       Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[ericasmom]

Susannah, what a lot to carry on your already full plate, I am so sorry that your Son is in the hospital, that he finds himself in this sad place. For the sake of you, and all the grandkids, and your Son, I do hope that he is able to find his way back to a life without the additives. Lord knows that if you could redirect him, he would be living a healthy life. Now we pray.

Bonnie, love that the teacher told you of Jay's response to the story, and I adore the photo you attached. He is a  Beauty indeed.

I just got back form an afternoon at the Zoo with my Son, and nephew with his fiance' and their Child, Maxx. What a pretty day to be there. Crowded too, but it didn't matter. Jonathan and I went to the zoo many times in our lives so it really felt right to be there today, and he bought me a pass with both of our names on it so that we can continue going to the zoo. I used to have a pass, in fact Michael, Jon adn Eri's Daddy bought one for my 30th birthday. I kept it up for about 12 years, and let it lapse when the kids were no longer interested much. SO now, how nice to have one again.

Have papers to grade, I will check in later,

dee

[hotsauce]

SUSANNAH, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN MY PRAYERS.

HUGS

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's - a quick note to say Happy Mother's Day to all.

Sussannah = OMG sweetie I am so sorry, prayers and hugs to you and family. We are here, we are here...

Greg - nice fish and beautiful Orb - Brian smiling at your catch.

Marcia and Claudia - so nice to see you together, enjoy.

Lorrie - yes, how we wish, how we wish....

Dee - thank you for hearing the pain without reading the words, my 2 guys are the best and made me happy today as they do every day.

Not feeling well again so early night tonight. Tavan made me a beautiful poem for Mother's Day, I will post it tomorrow.

I am always thinking of all here at BI, I need you all so much and am so thankful to have all of you in my life.   Peace, Kathy

[lolynbo]

SAW BRINLEY TODAY...SHE IS DOING WELL 4.5PDS...HERE SHE IS TODAY

[lolynbo]

WONDERING IF I CAN GET ANYMORE DOWN TODAY....

[mikesmomrs]

To all:  I hope you had a good day today...as least as good as it could be.  It has been quite windy here for the past couple of days and our power went out this afternoon.  It came back on around suppertime. 

Susannah:  I am so very sorry about your son...prayers that he will be okay and perhaps this will help him to find the right path for himself.  I am so sorry that you are having to carry this additional weight.  sending love and prayers.

Dee:  How nice to have the pass again...brings many happy memories to your sweet heart. 

Bonnie: " oh, my doodness" as Damon would say!  What a beautiful memory for you from your sunshine washed son!  Such a treasure to hold in your heart for always and always...thank you so much for sharing.

Kathy:  I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well again tonight...perhaps you tried to do too much too soon?  Take care tomorrow.

I went by the cemetery today to visit with Mike and put a windmill on the pole by his bench...as I sat watching the wind whipping it about every which way, I had a meltdown, but was able to pull it together before returning home.  Cathi gave me a beautiful photo album that she had created with pictures in it of all the hearts we seen in the past couple of years...a lot from her own garden and yard, as well.  There was an opening on the cover for a photo...she took a photo of herself, looking through her fingers, which were forming a heart in front of her face, and inserted it into the opening on the cover...so cute.  Tears came as I saw the hearts she had gathered for me...rocks, flowers, two lilac blooms (from a lilac bush at our old house that she transplanted to her garden) that were entwined into a heart.  A beautiful picture of her two boys standing side by side, looking over a railing into the ocean...from the side, both their heads together formed a beautiful heart.  she is such a treasure to me.  Kim and the girls called and the girls sent kisses and love.  I wish I could see them...perhaps this summer for a couple of weeks. 

To all:  holding you close as always...have a peace-filled evening...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Keep growing Brinly, and thriving, be healthy and well and live a long and wonderful life.

Carol, how good it is to see you today. I did not go to the cemetery today, knowing that Jon was coming to pick me up, and knowing how crowded the cemetery would be, (police directing traffic) I thought that I would go on another day. You have the wind we had for 3 days, today, no wind. So perhaps tomorrow the same for you. I think that Cathi has inherited a lot of you Carol, the wonderful sense of sharing all that is sweet with you. I love the idea of her photo fit into the heart as she is forming a heart over her face.

Loving you.

Kathy, just for good measure, a doctors visit might be good. Hope you feel much better very soon.

Col, how was your day?

Trud?

Betty?

Betsy?

Deneace, Beth, Leah, Amy, Enid, Cindy...and all the other parents out there, how was your day?

[mikesmum]

Carol, what a blessed gift from someone who knows your heart so well.  I can just see the tears tempered with a smile seeing so many 'Mike' reminders. 

Dee, to see the zoo with the adult Jon a treat in itself.  You see it differently don't you.  When they are younger, the newness and awe, as they grow their own experiences shared.

I did the cemetry thing on Saturday.  Sat with 'mum and dad' cleaning their plaques and arranging the crimson 'mums'.  These are the flowers that grew in abundance in our family garden when I was a child.  They came into season just as the 'easter dasies' were wilting.

Kathy, I hope you are finding time to 'rest' while your body is not at its best.  I can hear you beaming when you speak of Barry and the brilliant progress he has made.  A commitment to be around for a long time.  Tavian, growing before you very eyes.

Betty, NYC has made the news here twice this past week.  I hope you have recovered from the 'bomb' scares. I hope they blew that cooler to kingdom come.   Hoping you weren't on the Stanton Island ferry.  Frightening.

Betsy,  I loved the picture of your 'valley'.    This is one I posted last year.  Part of the valley I live in.  The Yarra Valley.

Lorri - I swear that little baby is a fighter - probably cause you are her 'psueduo granma'.  She truly is beautiful..that hair.

Sherry - Give me the grandies tired any day.  I find it hard most days to scrape the energy up to just be, but with the grandies it flows. 

Bonnie - That boy is huggable - no matter what the age.  You most definitely fitted the bill in his eyes. 

Colleen - How goes the plans for your trip with Aaron?

Susannah - My thoughts with you.  Never easy.  Prayers for your son..

Claudia & Marcia - Enjoy your time together.  The country from what I have seen through Claudias pics and words is breath taking.

Take Care Indigoes - Trudi

 

 

 

 

[heartbeataway]

How it warms my heart to log on and see the faces of our children!

Thinking of you all .......

Susannah ..... strength my lady ...... sending you strength.

For everyone:

Sunshine for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[Guest]

Thank you all for you thoughts and prayers.

My son will be okay. Well, he's going to live.  He has a long way to go to be okay emotionally and spiritually.  He called me last night to let me know I no longer have a son.  I just said okay.  He demanded to know how I could throw my own son out on the street.  I told him it wasn't so much as throwing him out as it was NOT throwing his kids out.

Immature.

This is a good place for me to be.  It's a place of enough is enough.  Grow up.  Take responsibility for your life.  He will either work hard to salvage what he can (not his marriage) or he will lose everything.  It seems apparent that the only reason he had what he had - or has what he has - is because of my enabling.  Always saying yes. 

I am not his last resource.  Alcoholics and drug addicts are great survivers.  They have a nose for enablers.  They will search out someone, anyone, to believe their sob story and "help" them. 

While I was watching his children yesterday, one of his friends came over to find out what was going on.  He tried to play the good guy.  He said he helped Curtis get clean and sober before he can do it again.

My fury of words were unleashed.  I told him that was baloney, that he was the one who helped him "escape" when he was 18 and in trouble with the police.  I told him I was sick of the b s and sick of all the drug people blowing smoke up my a##.  I told him he had zero credibility with me and there is no way I'm walking down this road again.

I told him if my son wants to get well he can do it without me. 

Mother's Day.  I must have truly failed as a mother.  Jacky Kennedy said if we fail with raising our kids, nothing else we succeed at matters.  That's a hard pill to swallow.

Last night I asked Gary if maybe we shouldn't try to find someone else to adopt Stephanie's kids.  Maybe they would have a better chance.  He said they're staying with us.

I'm tired, Friends.  And, I'm fed up!

Thanks for being here.  Susannah

[briansdad]

Susannah,

Don't put the failings of another on yourself. When a child becomes old enough to make choices on their own you have no control.Raising kids are like rolling dice... your going to have a bad number come up some time.Brian had a child out of wedlock which was not what I taught them when they were growing up.He was old enough to know better but chose to take the chance.He learned to live with the results of having a baby....like never having much money but he made the choice.Please don't beat youself up for his failings and don't let your grandkids go anywhere else. You'll do a better job with them than anyone.Take care and don't give up.Life will surprise you with good, you just need to have faith.

Greg

[hotrod]

Hi Susannah

I know how painful this is but Greg is absolutely correct. We can show our children the road but it is their choice and destiny to choose what road to take.  I too tried desperately to change the road Stephen choose but I was unsuccessful.

 You are a beautfiul person and a good mom.  The love you have for your children and grandchildren is so very evident.   I also thought that the Kennedy's have  had their share of addiction in their family so that failing with children  is really a subjective matter   

I like this thought  from the Prophet:

Your Children are sons and daughters of life

You can give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

 For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

© Kahlil Gibran, 1923, 1973.

Please be gentle with yourself and try to attend some alanon meetings They do  help to understand that YOU are Powerless over people.

Here is a Beautiful rememory I had yesterday   thanks to Bonnie: One Mom's Day Stephen told me he remembered flying around as an angel trying to pick a mom.  He saw me and told GOd that I was the perfect one and that is how I got him.  Such a sweet rememory

I do hope all my Indigo Family was BLessed yesterday/  I thought of each of you and prayed that your day would be sweet.  Bonnie was so right it was so good to sign on and see all the angels:

 Trudi ,talking about Mutley was so refreshing,Carol's ballgame ,Sherry's birds and flowers, Sonya's daughten and son , Betsy's birds, Dee's trip to the zoo, Marcia nd Claudia smiling, Lorrie's Brinley getting bigger, Colleen on her Bird trip and Greg's hugh fish and Dan's lovely Rose and thoughts. Kathy;s Tavian and  Mary Ann's well wishes.

To all our Indigos please be well 

Betty Stephen'smom:) 

 

[shorty16]

Marcia

Give Claudia a HUGE HUG for me.

What a view in your picture.

See any cool birds yet?

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[daveydow1]

Betty----What a lovely, lovely memory of Stephen flying around as an angel,

and picking YOU for his mom. A golden memory in your sweet memory treasure

chest.

Susannah----Oh, dear friend, I agree wholeheartedly with what Greg said. As

parents, I think we all have had experiences with our kids.....(the angel kids,

or their siblings), where they have made poor choices, but I believe you are

holding steady with your resolve not to be an enabler to your son. I think that

sometimes....even with the best of  training, and intentions for kids, that they may

 still make poor choices in their lives. You have done your best, and are still trying,

and that's all that can be done.  I think you will keep your grandies with you and

your husband. It is understandable that you could get weary and your resolve

would waiver, but I pray for strength for your family, and for your son. Preace &

tranquility to you, friend.

                Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry   

[daveydow1]

Lorrie-----Prayers for sweet little Brinley, that she may grow and thrive.

 

[Guest]

The Invisible Woman on youtube.  Sue just posted it on facebook.  Two thumbs up.

Thanks everyone.  I won't quit on my grandchildren.  I couldn't. 

Love and peace,

Susannah

[ericasmom]

Betty, I love the quote you left, so true and I do hope that you Susannah, understand the truth in this. We can not live our Children's Lives, they must live them for themselves complete with choices and joys. I hope that the joys outweigh the less than joyous times for us all, and for all of our Children, but we have only our own decisions to make once our Kids are adults.

We have all made errors in parenting, every single one of us. Some of what our Children have is inherited, and some is learned while some is simply what and who they are, on their own. WE don't grab all the glory do we, when they win an award or do something great? WE don't say it is because of the parenting we did. Likewise when what they do is less than what we can be happy about.

The barometer changed and I am very pooped out from it, so I am going for a shorty walk and to bed soon. I have not slept well, the oven that my body has become was on all night. Marshmellows anyone?

dee

[Guest]

Hi Friends,

I cut out a lot of my other commitments today and am just focusing on Gary and the kids.  And me. 

Had a good cry.

I told my daughter in law that I'm sorry for all the pain he's caused her but I'm so glad he married her because it brought her into our lives and I couldn't pick a better mother for my grandchildren. 

My son, who told me to forget his name did call me to tell me he is now in the recovery hospital...and, then he hung up.  I guess his dad and step mom are going to take him in.  I'm grateful for that.  Maybe it will help all of them. 

Oh.  We had snow again today.  No kidding.  Snow.  May 10th.  I'm in my heating blanket right now.........

Many blessings to all of you.

I know God won't give me anymore than I can handle.  I just wish he didn't trust me so much (Mother Teresa)

Susannah

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigos - feeling a bit better tonight. Yes, I probably keep over doing every thing, never seems like enough time to just be.

Susannah - I HEAR YOU !!! I have printed out your post and I am going to carry it with me and read it each day....I TOO AM TIRED AND FED UP !!! We can do this my friend, we are not to blame for what our grown sons have choosen to do with their lives....Greg is so right so we must listen to him.  You have given me much good advice since coming here, you have inspired me with your words, your strength, your goodness, your ability to take on 3 grandchildren, the love that flows through you. Do not go back to the enabeling, I believe it was you who said "they call it tough love because it is tough on the one giving it" - how true that is but nothing is harder than burying a child so doing the tough love, hell yes we can do it......your son, as mine, will hopefully find their way some day, we pray and hope but THAT IS ALL WE CAN DO, now we take care of us, our husband and those babies.....all else will take care of its self. I am with you every step of the way my friend.....

Cold and chilly here today but hopefully it will get warmer soon, so need some nice summer weather.

Great baseball game tonight, Tavian hit all the way out field and got a few kids out. I am so proud of him. The coach said he wasn't sure they would have a team without Tavian and Skylar (Tavian's team mate), that made my heart smile.

Thank you all for your kind words. Take care and peace to all. Kathy

[rlolheiser]

It is has been some time since I have been here.  I feel bad that I don't post anymore, but the words aren't coming.  I have missed so many birthdays and angel days..  my heart has been with you each, even though I haven't been posting.

Mothers day was long.  Mom had been pretty sick, she is on the mend, but she is meaner than ever.  There are times I almost tell her I want to put her in a home, but the guilt stops me.  My siblings called her as they were expected, but with each one of them, she complained about how I treat her, complained that they never call, and ended each call with, I am not talking to you cause I can't hear you, Leah come take the Damned phone away.  It breaks their heart, and I told them I understood, but maybe now they know what I go through on a daily basis.  My oldest daughter called me.. and that was nice, none of the grands talked to me..  and Charlene... JaBoa's mom still won't talk  to me, I can't talk to her children..  she won't talk to my mother.. it's been over 2 months and no word. 

I am learning slowly that I have to live life, I miss this little girl of mine with all my heart, but I have to keep going on if I am going to see her again someday.  I quit trying to make sense out of it, because it never will make sense.  It was a wrong that happened, and life will never be the same, my heart will always be broken without JaBoa, but it is still filled with love for her.  My heart tries to love without fear and somedays it is hard.  I have lost 23 lbs, I finally seem to have the desire to make some changes so I can live the life my little girl would want me too, I need to take care of me so I can see my son grow up, so I can continue to care for my husband and my mother. 

My heart is still with you all even throughout my absence. My heart thrills to your joys, and cries to your tears.. you all are a part of me as you have touched my soul without even knowing it.  Reading all of you has helped me with the loss of my angel.. and getting to know your angels has made me accept that JaBoa isn't alone and afraid.  I thank you for all of that.

I hope all of you find some joy in this world, sometimes, it is where we least expect it.  Thank you my BI Family for being here.

Leah/JaBoa's grandma

[ericasmom]

Leah, you said this:

My heart is still with you all even throughout my absence. My heart thrills to your joys, and cries to your tears.. you all are a part of me as you have touched my soul without even knowing it.  Reading all of you has helped me with the loss of my angel.. and getting to know your angels has made me accept that JaBoa isn't alone and afraid.  I thank you for all of that.

And you said the words won't come, listen to the music in your worlds Leah.I am grateful to know that you are  learning to live your life now, to live healthier and with a purpose under this sky. Good for you. JoBoa must be so happy.

Goodnight All, thinking of you each and extra prayers to Lorri and the area where she lives as tornadoes hit heavily in Oklahoma today.

dee

[hotrod]

Dear Leah

I agree this Indigo Family has captured my heart and soul as well.  I am so glad that Dee pointed out the beauty in our words and I am happy  to see you posting.  I am sorry that the problems with Mom are still there.   You are certainly doing the best you can.  I know that my mom was very much like that the last years of her life.  I was spared much of that as she lived  with my sister.  I am glad you have decided to live the best life you can to honor your beautiful JoBoa.  It is what she would wanted for you.

Since you are part of this Indigo family  please take good care of you and check in now and then and let us know how it goes.

Betty Stephen'smom:)

[Guest]

Betty - Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorites.  Thank you for the loving reminder!

Sherry, Dee, Greg, Thank you for your wise loving words of encouragement.

Leah - I was glad to see your sweet angel's face this evening.  I'm sorry things are still difficult between your daughter and you.  I completely understand!  My son fired me as his mother last night.  I'm okay with it right now.

6 to 10 inches.  That's the forecast for tomorrow.  more snow.  It's supposed to be 70 by Thursday.  We need the moisture...but, It's just another example of our powerlessness.

Hope you all rest well.

Susannah

[briansdad]

I forgot to tell you all that Jan and i went to the store on Mothers Day to get some things for our Mothers Day dinner. I pulled into a spot and as she got out of the car she looked down and there was a penny. A little hi Mom from heaven.

[Guest]

Good morning, Indigo's,

Greg - I'm so glad Brian sent a penny to his mother.  I must remember to continue to look for those precious signs.  Thank you for reminding us our angels have not forgotten us.

Well, there is no snow, yet.  It is wet, grey and cold out. 

With everything that has occurred in my family the last two years, I must discipline myself to set aside quiet/meditation time.  It is the only way I know to remove my spirit from all the chaos/drama.  it is easy to get accustomed to drama and therefore expect it.  I have to remind myself that I love peace and serenity and joy.  I can only achieve those cherished attributes with quiet.  Not the kind of quiet where I sit and can't function and my brain is spinning a hundred miles an hour.  The kind of quiet where I pay attention to my thoughts and focus on something more powerful than I.

The anger and shock of my son's actions are being replaced with a deep sadness.  However, my resolve is strong to allow him to figure this out, himself.  He must.  I must.  Period.

I love you all.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

Hello indigos

Iam just signing on to say hello...am hvg to use hubbys phone as the power outage on Sunday blew the comp. It is in the shop...hopefully to come back in toto....

Meantime using this tenny tiny keyhboard is torture to my big fat fingers...

Thinking of you all today...going to a game ton ite w cathi..

Sus.:holding u close in my heart as u struggle w this...

Greg, luv the penny story. Sweet gft frm brian...

Luv and peace. Carol. Mikesmomrs

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

It is rainy, windy, and cold here in Wisconsin.  Hope all are staying dry.

Greg - The penny is really special - My Brian's favorite bird was the Blue Jay.  I saw one yesterday on my way home - Made me smile.

My son is painting his bedroom - Grey with a black and red strip on the bottom.  Aj picked out the colors and is doing the painting himself.  Kinda neat.

Love to all my fellow Indigos

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Just received a sad phone message from ERi's friend Bridget, one of their good friends brothers died last night. I never met him, but the kids hung out with him as he was two years older than them. Oh sadness, another hit for this group of kids, and for Caitlin, whose brother it is. I heard she is trying to find a plane out of Louisiana where she lives now with two other brothers. Her folks live here in Oak Park. Prayers for the McGuiness family.

thanks,

dee

[daniellemom]

Dee - Prayers are being lifted up for the McGuiness family how very sad.  I hope Caitlin gets a flight fast to be with her parents. 

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[lolynbo]

THANKS DEE..WE WERE SAFE IN THE CELLAR...IM THINKING ABOUT REDECORATIONG VERY DRAB IN THERE...

[ericasmom]

Thanks Sonya, Cait is a great Kid, she was one of the Girls that sang Bob Marly songs at Eri's bedside at the hospital, then at the church for the funeral, and finally, at the gravesite. No woman no cry...She also went on the University on a ship and stopped in areas all over th eworld in 2004, and in Japan, she met some kids that were out at night and tried to explain to them about ERica dying, they understood, and they too had lost a friend, so together they set off some colorful fireworks to celebrate the lives of lost friends. United by grief.

Later in her stop in Japan, she wrote me form an internet cafe' and told me that she was on a mountain the day before and she felt Eri with her staring out at the world, grateful for the time.

I only hope that we can be as comforting as she was/is.

Lorri, thank heavens that you guys are alright, the news showed a lot of scary tornadoes in your area.

See ya later,

dee

[lolynbo]

YES DEE ABOUT 80 MILES FROM US AND JUST AROUND THE CORNER FROM KIMBERLY BUT WE ARE ALL SAFE...LOOKS LIKE STORMS AGAIN TONIGHT AND THURS..

BEST THING I EVER BOUGHT MY STORM CELLAR...THE DOGS DO REALLY WELL IN IT...JUST LOOK AROUND LIKE DOES THIS THING MOVE....LOL

GOLLIE IM DOWN...MISSIN MY GIRL....I HAD A LIL DREAM OF HER LAST NIGHT SEEMS WE WERE ALL WALKING AND KODY HAD A BIKE AND SHE WAS LOOKING FOR HIS WATER BOTTLE...THATS IT..I JUST GOT A GLIMPS OF HER...SHE WAS TO THE RIGHT OF ME...THEN I FRIKN WOKE UP....

HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR YAL

MARCIA YAL HAVE A GOOD TIME

MY PIC I TOOK LAST NIGHT

[daveydow1]

Lorri---Glad you are safe in your storm cellar.  The doggies must be so

grateful to go to a safe place also. I know the kind of dream you had of

Kourtney.......so maddening, in a way, to wake up just when you think that

there may be 'more'.  Peace to you, friend.

Leah---So good to see sweet JaBoa's smile and your post. You don't have to

apologize for not having much to say......we've all been in that place. Sometimes

it seems like we are just drained dry. But I'm glad you posted. Peace & prayers.

Carol----Hope you get your computer back soon. I can't imagine trying to type

a post on a cell phone keypad........yikes....that must be difficult & tedious.

Dee----Sending prayers for Caitlin and her family in this time of great sorrow for

them with the loss of their dear son/brother. Another angel in heaven. That was

so nice of Caitlin to sing at ERi's wake and funeral, and to share the loss of her

friend ERi with the young people from Japan.  Sorrow over a lost loved one has

no borders, nationality, or any other distinction.  Sadness is sadness.

Peace to you.

             Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[nicksdad]

Got this today. I am sure it has been out there before but i've never seen it:

Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You' . I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day.. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy or girl so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. They can have my room and old stuff to play with.

Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God' s knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper.. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Everything here is beautiful just like everyone says, everyone is happy and everday is a joy to be part of.. The Angel that took me to heaven said I was a "Special Delivery!" How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

[summergirl]

Dan - beautiful, I have never seen it before...thank you.

Dee - I am so sorry for the family and pray that Caitlin gets there on time. Such saddness in this world.

Lorri - so glad that all is ok with you and yours. I feel you on the missing your girl, it never ends.

Susannah - you are so wonderful. Stay strong as much as you can, it is so very hard as I for one know first hand.

Greg - Penny from Heaven....love it.

To all Indigo's - thinking of you always, hugging you from afar, always in my prayers.

Peace to all, Kathy

[summergirl]

Waiting for the play !!!

[summergirl]

Home run !!!

[ericasmom]

Indeed Sherry, sadness knows no boundaries, it is universal. I have heard nothing new from the girls, but perhaps tonight is too soon to hear much.

I have seen that one Dan, but it has been a long time so it feels good on a day like this to read it again, reminding me of the good.

Lorri, some weather folks from Chicago were in your area doing storm chasing, which basically made me mad because they are showing some amateurs how to lose their lives in a storm and making it look like fun. It is sweeps month, the month that shows more stupid on TV than most months, trying to out sweep the other stations. Stuck on stupid is what I say.

I am low, feeling fidgety and anxious. Low focus, low interest, low energy, LOW!

[daveydow1]

Dee---- Sorry you are feeling low. Hoping you can get a good night's rest.

Kathy---Tav sure looks good in his baseball uniform. I know you are so

proud of him.

Dan----I had never seen that writing before........just so nice. Thanks for

posting it. Each one of us here at BI can put 'our angels' as the  angel writing the

 letter.

      Tired.......going to go read til I get sleepy.   Peace to all.

                    Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

                   

[aim630]

First Mother's Day without Ashley...Katie gave me a framed picture of Ashley & me taken at an Indians game last summer.

I loved reading the poems some of you posted, although they made me cry. Someone asked me how I get through this, and I said I don't really have a choice, I have to get up every day & live, although I certainly wouldn't have chosen this. I think it's starting to feel more real. At first, I could pretend Ashley was just away temporarily, now it's hitting home. Tonight one of Katie's friends was singing a song at the choir concert in honor of Ashley. I couldn't go because I knew I would break down.

Lorri-glad everyone is ok. Looks like we may have some bad thunderstorms & possible tornadoes heading our way.

Susannah-my thoughts and prayers are with you. No one gave us a manual on being a parent, we just have to do the best we can. At a certain point, our kids make their own decisions, good or bad, and there's not much we can do about it. Praying that your son will find his way.

My husband is having is surgery tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be fine,it is supposed to be a routine procedure, like having your appendix removed, but then again, your child is not supposed to die of the flu, and mine did. I just can't let myself sink into that deep hole though, I have to believe everything will be ok.

As always, I'm glad I have this place to come to, even though I don't post every day.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[ericasmom]

Hi Amy, I know that your first Mothers Day without Ashley must have hurt. I am so sorry for that. Kate sure was great to give you that photo. Nice Girls you have Amy. How is Kate doing these days? It is a difficult road for the siblings. Some say that they are the forgotten grievers. I know that my Son has had a very hard time with the loss of His Sis.

I will pray for your Husband, that he is in the hands of great doctors and that his cancer is contained and easily removed. May he heal in a speedy and complete way with no signs of that old cancer anymore.

I spoke with Caitlin tonight, she cried on the phone, we cried together. This brother is her foster brother. He was 30. His wake is on Sunday so Caits will be here, driving up from New Orleans with her two other brothers. Prayers.

Love Tavian in his uniform. "Hey batter"

My students teach poetry to a combined 1st adn 2nd grade class tomorrow. We have 6 types of simple poetry to teach and I have kids under each heading who as a small group, will teach a small group of younger kids. The headings are: Rhyme, Haiku, Cinquain, Concrete (shape), Onomatopeia (sound words), and Limericks. We do this each year, going twice for about 40 minutes and cycling students through the groups hoping to have everyone learn at least 4 kinds of poetry. The kids are quite excited.

Carol, if I were to type in my messages on a small keyboard, it would be unreadable. I am bad enough here. Good luck with that.

[ericasmom]

let's see what I attach...oh, this is the house where we live from a different view, peeling paint and all, but I like it. Don't have the money to paint it this year.

[mysonrich]

Lorri, you crack me up ! Tornadoes landing all over your state and you, I see you sitting on a chair thinking to yourself,” I really should paint down here”..ha ha

Kathy, you mentioned Erie, PA months ago. Still planning on the trip?

Sonya, its good to see your girls pretty smile. Planning on making hash this year?

Dee, so sorry to read of such sadness for this young lady.

Susannah, I agree. Many times we have to step outside of life events in order to save ourselves and gain perceptive.

Greg, my 9 month old daughter was at my wedding. What our parents tell us and what we do are totally different things. She is now a special ed teacher, trying to change or better the lives of some a little at a time.

I see a morning Dove everyday. She/he perches on my neighbors roof top.On Mothers day, 3 flew over, danced around not 10 feet from my head. When I looked at the clock it was 3:33, 4:44 o’clock. The 3’s I see since Rich left. Or did he for “always”?

My mom has been sick. Mothers day I was stressed about this. I will see her soon. I have an Aunt and Uncle in their 80’s. My uncle isn’t doing well at all. I hear from people that tell me I should call her, my aunt. She has never been alone in her life. 4 kids, grown. I want to call her but I know she is an emotional wreck and as I told my brother, I just can’t carry that on my shoulders right now. Maybe I’m being selfish but when I think about calling I feel 1 foot shorter.

I also heard from an old acquaintance, 20 years ago we were friends, sort of. She told me of her husbands death. I replied in kind. I told her of Richs death. Not a freakin word since. Its no wonder its been 20 years of no communication. Some things never change.

A younger friend of mine is getting married in 3 weeks. I am going but there is the nagging thought that I’d rather stay home. I won’t. Staying home would be easy and I too have to learn to step outside again.

Betty,MaryAnn, Carol, Dan, Sherry..everyone..thinking of you all.

Betsy,mysonRich

[Guest]

May 12, 2010 7am

 

My hubby, Gary, cleaning my windshield

[Guest]

5-12-2010

I was trying to take a picture of my garden.  With the angel.  I haven't done any work in it, yet, this year. 

[heartbeataway]

Thinking of you guys ....

Dee, love your house. Thought I would!

Lorri, scary weather! Glad you're okay!

Kathy, Tavian is getting so big!!

Someone posted this this morning, liked it enough to share:

Your Children are not Your Children

by Kahlil Gibran

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

[Guest]

The one tulip in my garden