Loss of an Adult Child

[mysonrich]

Brian, may your mom look up today, may she find the strength to look up in many ways and see a sign of your love.

 

Betsy,Myson,Rich

[heartbeataway]

[align=left]Brian ............

[align=right]Brian......

[align=center]Brian ..........

[align=left]Saying his name out loud and sending love, strength and comfort to you Mary Ann ........

Courage for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[/align][/align][/align][/align]

[4everjoeysmom]

Mary Ann, My heart aches for what you are feeling today...one of the hardest firsts. For whatever you choose to do or not do today, I pray that moments of peace find you and cherished memories bring you comfort as much as they possibly can. Saying his name....BRIAN....

xoxoxo

Joey's Mom, Claudia

[Guest]

I regret that I won't be attending the gathering in Little Rock.  We were able to cancell my flight and hotel with just a $100.00 fine for the airfare. 

I just couldn't reconcile me going away for several days and leaving Gary home with the kids for those days.  And, me going would mean that the family could not take a vacation.........so, obviously, I chose the latter. 

Gary would have done fine with the kids, but it is tiresome.

Love you all

Susannah/Stephanie's mom...I changed the avatar again.  Stephanie and her sister.  Stephanie is looking towards her sister.

[hotrod]

                   

                        BRIAN, BRIAN, BRIAN

TOUCH MOM WITH THE WARMTH OF YOUR POWERFUL

                                   LOVE

 

                         

BETTY

STEPHEN'SMOM:)      

[mpsmom]

BRIAN BRIAN   BRIAN               BRIAN .......................

Stay close by your MOM today and let her know you will always be right there with her.

HUGS to you today Mary Ann

 

Marcia , Bethany's Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

Susannah,

I am so sorry I missed Stephanies Birthday..... the picture of her children sending her pink and purple balloons are beautiful....

[align=center]Happy Birthday Stephanie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/align]

[align=center] [/align]

HUGS,    Marcia  Bethany's Mom Forever

[ericasmom]

Carol, you said:

So, we are in limbo of a sort...waiting.  His appt is 5/13, but they may call us if they have a cancellation.  My anxiety level climbs...  Thank God for sunny days, and gardens, and little kids and ball games and ice cream...and 46 years of facing stuff together...they help bridge the gap from anxiety attack to anxiety attack.

And I loved the thank God for...such a nice list of things that bring you through those limbo times. I am thankful to God too, each day with each hurdle and each joy. I love the way you named those things in such a pretty poetic way. Ralph is a lucky man. I know that the photo of your Little Guy must melt you into a smiling pool of mush. IT did me.

dee

[ericasmom]

BRIAN SWEET ANGEL-

Sweet and Beautiful Son to Mary Ann, always the Boy of your Momma's dreams, fly freely each day with a peace and serenity that is your deepest joy. Sweep across your Mom's Days and Nights reminding her the joy you now feel, reminding her the amazing job she did in raising and caring for so wonderful a Son, and fill her full of your deep love knowing that on this day and everyday since you left, she faces a shattered heart. Help her please, put one shard  on top of another and seal the seam with the promise of one day, holding your hand again. Let her feel your touch today Brian, a sign or sense of YOU.

Love to you Mary Ann, for this day is one that we cannot plan for, having no way in the world to know how we will be. I am holding you close in my thoughts and in my prayers.

dee

[heartbeataway]

Susannah,

I understand the reasons but I was really looking forward to meeting you in July!

Maybe another July ......

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[mysonrich]

Its a beautiful day here today. High 80's ! I switched back over to my desktop.I was always on Rich's. I looked through windows mail, which I really don';t use and found this picture.It was in mail dated 11/2008, before Rich died. I'm not even sure if I took it. Its  a view of the Valley I live in. sometimes I want to move, on days like this I don't but I think I would be better off somewhere else, for many reasons. I took a ride today w/o my camera , I went to Borders and just enjoyed the breeze in my hair , driving down the road, sun in the sky. It felt good. sometimes it can feel good again.

This is how today looks too

 

Betsy,myson;Rich

[ericasmom]

Betsy, glad for your pretty day, for your ride with the wind in your hair. Sounds like the kind of day that unfolded just right. I am glad for those days when you/we feel it can be good sometimes. The photo is lovely, what a pretty place. Sometimes I think about moving because someday I will probably have to for financial purposes. I have a very hard time picturing leaving this place for all sorts of reasons.

I took a nice hour long bike ride today, it was not as warm as your day Betsy, but quite nice. A cloud cover most of the day now, and more storms coming, but nicely enough, they waited until our gardening, baseball games, soccer bike rides, and the ethnic fest parade were over. The ethnic fest is an annual oak park school fest, I did not go this year, having gone for about 20 years, I needed a day without  my students adn former students, but it is a very nice time. Different foods are featured at one of the school's playground after the parade that features different cultures through the floats adn the kids adn adults that ride on them in their native costume or dress. Some years I ride in a car waving and playing the music for the Lincoln kids who are dancing down the street in front of the car. Today what was most needed was some quiet alone time which I had on my bike adn then some time with my hands in the dirt with my husband. We planted some SCabiosa (purple and burgandy pincushion flowers) and some poppies, as well as a few other items. We weeded a great deal adn when I say we, mostly he. Husband is a machine in the garden, digging and pulling and mending the area with soil from our compost. It is a place that speaks to my spirit.

Dan, love the way you honored Brian's spirit today, so pretty.

.

[hotrod]

Hi Indigos

Just a fast note to say ,  Carol I loved the picture of Damon "Dressed for Success" and your statement about being grateful for the many beautiful things you  and Ralph have together. Both touched my soul. Dee so glad you pulled over in the storm last night and are safe and Lorri that picture of Brinley is precious

Betsy what a great shot of the heart in the clouds.  So perfect for Mary Ann's rememories day.  I am glad the day was warm and the breeze felt good in your hair.

NYC was warm and soft today as well.  Thinking of all our angels this day and every day

Betty Stephen'smom 

[Guest]

In honor of, in memory of, our angels...

I'm sorry.  I know there are new angels not in this picture, but they are in my heart.  In our hearts.

Thank you, Dan (or was it Greg) who made this beautiful tribute...

For all our tears.  For each breath we are forced to take.....

[mikesmomrs]

Mary ann:  ...may your precious BRIAN surround your heart with love and sweet memories to help you through these days...BRIAN, BRIAN, BRIAN...

love and peace,  carol mikesmomrs

[mysonrich]

Dee,  I see you in a convertible, music pouring out from the speakers and you, doing the " parade wave".:dude: The garden sounds beautiful. The garden gnome can pull the majority of the weeds, you take care of your back right.

 

Betty, I didn't take the picture. Something we use to do as kids,lay on the ground and watch the clouds. I found the web site, now I can't. If you google angel clouds you will find some very interesting cloud formations. You probably had a warm day yesterday. Sitting on a bench or deckchair, feeling the warmth of the sun, there is something comforting in that.

 

Has anyone read of the Russian Cosmonauts , 80's maybe, that saw angels in space ?

 

Carol, good to see you. The Yankees minor league team plays nearby. Sounds like something to do .

 

Susannah, interesting piece of writing. I understand the fight within against the self, the mirror image that isn't quite you/us. I can equate that to the struggle and the "what if;s" and "why" in trying to grasp some meaning in the death of our children. The blame we place on ourselves, unfounded. heck, in Rich's case it could been a bad strand of DNA. It could be a lot of things. Things I can't change. Letting go of blame,in Rich's life, is hard. I still have an undercurrent of anger at times but like I said, it's probably the not understanding, accepting, reality of his death that takes me there. I need a target  for my pain. Ah, sometimes I just have to let it roll.

 

Betsy, mysonRich

[heartbeataway]

Betty,

I love the new avatar of Stephen.  Such a handsome young man!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

Good morning All,

I agree with Bonnie, the photo of Sweet Stephen is very handsome. Debonair. Is that a word that describes him Betty? Because that is what is invoked by his smile and posture.

Betsy, yes, I do love loud music blaring from the car, and the parade wave absolutely. It was fun. My fifteen pretend minutes of fame.

I have not read nor heard of the book you spoke of, but I will look it up, thanks.

it is a cloudy morning right now supposed to give way to sunshine and mild temps. THe new plants in the garden were treated to overnight showers. However you  spend the day, I hope that it is good.

Mary Anne, how are you doing today?

Love,

dee

[mysonrich]

I'm told there are 3 Brainy Brians here:shock:. Maryann, Brain is now BRIAN..!

 

Betsy:P,mysonRich

[hotsauce]

THANK YOU to everyone, for the kind notes about my son BRIAN on his first anniversary.  you are truly my family.

DAN, thank you for the beautiful picture with Brian in it. you are such a friendly man.

BESTY,  the heart in the cloud was breathtaking.

BETTY, the flower was very special, my favorite color.

you are such talented people.  i'm lucky if i can type and post.

have a great day one and all

mary ann

[hotrod]

Hi Mary Ann You are so right  This group of "Indigos" is my Family as well.  The support and love is felt with every posting.  I am glad you were touched on Brian's Angel Day.

Dee and Bonnie  Thank you for mentioning Stephen's new picture.  I must say He was not a suit and tie person  Much like Jason he was a tee shirt, truck and tools person.  Loved building his race car and racing. 

I do believe I bought that shirt.  Once in a great while he humored me and wore what I purchased.

Betsy  as usual you are a Funny lady.  I too have blamed DNA for the Loss of Stephen but that gets me nowhere as well.  I now work hard at acceptance

Love to  all the Indigos and I will pray for each at Church today.

Betty

Stephen'smom;)

[Guest]

Hi Everyone,

Well, it happened.  Just when I think I have a handle on things I find out I don't.  This morning at my AA meeting it was announced that a dear friend had died yesterday.  He has been sick for a while and we knew it was coming.  Another woman's mother died this week and her funeral is tomorrow.  So, the meeting ended up being about mothers and daughters and death.

Talk about a delayed reaction in front of my friends.  Turns out they've been waiting for this to happen.  You all get to "see" (read) about my torture all the time, but I've been pretty strong in front of people.  Not today.

I couldn't join them for the closing prayer, but, instead, ended up throwing up in the bathroom.  I ended up in the fetal position, sobbing.  They all, men and women alike, surrounded me and hugged me and held me and cried with me. 

One week shy of 9 months since she died. 

I wish you all could tell me what to expect.  I mean, is this normal for the first birthday?  Will it always be like this?  Is the first anniversary harder than the birthday? 

Her children need HER....not me.  My poor husband.  This is not what he signed up for.  Although he says it IS exactly what he signed up for. 

Is this normal?  Am I normal?  Am I losing it?  Should I go to the doctor and get stronger drugs? 

I am not the only one, nor the first one, to ever lose a child.  Why doesn't that bring comfort?  Why doesn't all the signs, manifestations and even claiming to hear from God last?  Is there something really wrong with me?  Am I doing THIS wrong? 

You all seem to still function.  How?  How do you go to work everyday?  How do you take this horrible tragedy and turn it into something good? 

I end up in bed (where I am now) or my grieving chair talking to y'all or playing solitair or reading about the "Red Carpet" stars.  I could give a damn about what they're wearing on the red carpet, but that seems to be my new obsession. 

THEN, I feel guilty for feeling so bad and in so much pain and telling all of you about it when you're in so much pain, too.  Why can't I put my own pain aside and let it be your "pain day"?  It's like I'm stealing all the pain.  LOL  Oh. that cracked me up.  If we were all together I think we would laugh at that. 

Well...there it is..crazy me.  Sharing it all with lucky you.  Still feel sick to my stomach. 

Thanks for being there.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

MARY ANN, THINKING OF YOU AND YOURS TODAY WITH YOUR ANGELVERSARY FO YOUR SWEET SON AND TRUELY MISSED LOVED ON BRIAN, BRIAN , BRIAN....HOPE YOU FEEL HIS LOVE AND HE SURROUNDS YOU TODAY AND EVERY DAY,,,

KODY GOT 3RD OUT OF 15 CARS....HIS MOTOR IS TRYING TO BLOW SO FOR SURE THIS WK MONTY IS PUTTING IN A NEW MOTOR...SO KODY MAY HAVE SOME WINS UNDER HIS BELT...

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A BLESSED DAY...GOT THE BOYS CLEANING OUT THE SWAMP LIKE POOL....IT SMELLS LIKE ELEPHANT DUNG....

[ericasmom]

Hi Guys,

Lorri, so great that Kody took third. Tell him I am rooting for him.

Susannah, there is no recipe as to how the days unfold. If you have a nice day, go with it, and when the clouds hang low overhead and cause so much ache, go with it. There is no fighting the weather right? There is no fighting the grief into submission either. We go with it, find ways to live with the ache but nobody is able to go through it without the melt downs. They are a natural  part of an unnatural situation.

Here is a quote from a book of fiction that I am reading,Goldengrove by Francine Prose, it is written in the voice of a 13 year old who lost her sister suddenly in a drowning;

Little by little, we surfaced from the dark, gluey depths of that summer. Bobbing into the blinding light, we had to relearn how to breathe. Missing Margaret was still painful, but the agony subsided, and someone---perhaps some compassionate angel---had lowered the volume of the siren song that so nearly took us down with her.

It was hard letting go. But if I'd learned anything that summer, it was how essential it was to hold on to the here and now, the one thing after the next.

I think that this sums up the feeling I hold to be truest in this world in which we find ourselves, that the agony subsides some, and the moment you are in is what is golden, it is now.

Love to Everyone,

dee

[daveydow1]

Dee----Such a meaningful quote from the girl who lost her sister in a drowning.

Our lilac, and dogwood tree is blooming. We planted beets and onion sets

yesterday. I woke very early today (4:30--5 a.m.) to the sound of a screech

owl.  Hadn't heard one of those for years. They're call is different from a hoot

owl. I agree with you about the rolls & turns we go through on this grief road.

No way to fight the cloudy/gloomy grief days, anymore than fighting a cloudy

rainy day. We must just go with whatever comes. Thanks for the reminder. I

need to be reminded of this from time to time.

MaryAnn----- Peace & comfor to you. Brian   BRIAN      BRIAN     BRIAN     Fly high with all the angels. Send down your dear

 Mom a beam of sunshine and let her know you are with her always.

 

THANKS AGAIN FOR THE ANGEL COLLAGE WITH ALL OUR ANGELS THERE TO

 WARM OUR HEARTS AND SOULS.

Hi Susannah-----Sending thoughts & prayers your way, as you find yourself in

a dark place.

Betty---I ,too, noticed Stephen's new picture.  He is such a handsom young guy. 

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO EACH AND EVERY ONE HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

       Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[ericasmom]

HI Sherry, how cool that not only are your dogwood and other ornamentals blooming, but the sound of a screech owl. Owls are so dear, so beautiful. I have heard one on and off this spring, while walking usually in the twilight hours. Sometimes too, in the middle of the night. More than likely tending to their hatchlings. Sweet.

Yep, fighting it only makes us feel badly because we lose every time. I am not saying that we should not try to make each day the best, it is what I try, but there are those days, especially in those first two years, that simply hold the weight of iron and we need to allow ourselves the collapse that is needed in order to find our feet and our strength for the next time. Process, it is a process and one can avoid for a while, but it catches up to us. No way around or over grief is there? Only through.

I do love reading Sherry, especially books that speak of the ways families and others deal with the changes that grief brings. When I read a book of fiction that rings os true, I think that the author must know  on a very real level, what it is to grieve, to mourn.

Thinking of you in your garden with love,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Sherry:  thank you for sharing about your trees and your screech owl...I miss all of that so much since moving to a more "urban" place.  Although we are not really "in" the city, we are closer to the outskirts than before.  Before, it was as though we lived in the middle of the woods, even though there were houses around us...we could basically only "see" the house right across the street (and no other house on either side of that could be built...protected land)  The trees we had planted in the front yard had matured so much since we had planted them almost 20 years prior, that we were basically secluded.  Here, it is beautiful, but not as much privacy...I can see all of our neighbors, though the homes are far enough apart and are "placed" such that you are not actually looking at anyone's front door.  I see the side/back corner of the house next to me, and the house across the street, I see the end of it.  We are on a huge corner lot, with trees across the front and side.  And I truly appreciate that.  But, nostalgia knocks now and then and the memories come...

our house in Lee, that we built in 1991...looking from the side door to the front yard.

I am thankful for the memories, but know that we just couldn't take care of it any longer.  Where we are now is the right place for us, for this time in our lives and we feel very blessed to have found it.  It sounds as though the same applies to you and your husband...and, I know that you feel very blessed, as well.

Susannah:  It is as Dee has said...we find ourselves having to live our lives in a different way now, out of necessity, and it does help to live in the moment and to make that moment as golden as we can.  If we can't, then we go with it, the sorrow flows through our veins, through our soul, and we move with it, crying, sobbing, throwing up, whatever it takes.  And then we slowly move back to that place where we can function again, and live again, and again, take advantage of those golden moments, whether they consist of something as simple as staring at the sky or as profound as watching a child's heart heal.  You are so very new to this journey...not even a year!  I truly think that sometimes you expect too much of yourself...I hope I don't offend you by saying that...I would never purposely say anything to hurt you.  You didn't only lose your daughter, but, just like the rest of us, you lost the life you had before. And, with the addition of your three grandchildren to your household...wow!  You didn't even have time to "properly" grieve (if there even is such a thing!) before you had to jump on the track to caregiver for three small and very hurting children...so, of course, there are going to be those times when it all comes crashing through on you...it still does on all of us.  Please, take the time to step back and pat yourself on the back for all you've done this far into your journey...and then take a breath or two and allow those tears to come whenever they need to...just like Dee said, like the weather...the changes in our day-to-day journey come no matter what we do.  I am so glad that the people you were with you when you "melted" at your meeting let you know that they cared and understood.  You are in my thoughts and prayers, Sus.

Lorri:  Congrats to Kody...yes, a win may be in the making, with that new motor Monty is putting in the car...

Betty:  So nice to see your wonderful Stephen's face, and I too like the new picture.  Thank you for sharing and your thoughts. 

I hope everyone got to enjoy some sunshine this weekend...it has been very warm and beautiful here, except today was clouded over, but still warm and nice.  We didn't get to church though, because Ralph's oxygen system decided to quit working just before we left, and by the time they got here to fix it, it was too late.  We did have the boys here from Friday to Saturday night (Chandler actually came on Thursday) and had some fun.  Friday night we took them to eat and then to the batting cages for some fun.  While there they also rode the go-carts, something they hadn't done before, and because it was late in the evening and slow, the attendant let them ride for a long time and they were tickled pink!  They got to ride for over half an hour total!  Then on Saturday, after we all went to Jamie's opening day and first baseball game, (which they won...18 to 2---they called the game after the fifth inning out of mercy to the other team!) they came back here and helped us clean out the sun room and put the outdoor furniture outside again...then they all sat out there at the table and "whittled" with their Papa for a couple of hours...I never thought to take a picture...missed opportunity!  Oh well, memories will stay in our heads.  Then they went to Cathi's overnight again...although, she put them to work today, picking up all the broken pieces of her old roof that hadn't been picked up yet after the roofing job being done by Jamie's dad.  But, they had a good time and got rewarded with a shopping trip to WalMart...wahoo for them!

Jamie at bat, opening day 5 1 10...he got a hit and drove in a run...he was so proud!

Everyone have a peaceful night!

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's,

Just a quick note to say I am still down and feeling lousy....been a long time since I felt this bad....such beautiful weather....I went to the beach yesterday and slept for about 3 hours and returned home with a sunburn on top of feeling so bad....if not better tomorrow it is off to the doctors.

Barry and Tavian are watching Avatar on Blue Ray, they are mezmerized....

I am sorry for missing angelversary's and birthdays......forgive me my friends. Love you all and promise to catch up when feeling better.....Kathy

[lolynbo]

I THINK THE OTHER DAY I SAW A FEW POSTS OF AZELEAS (SP)...THEY SEEM TO REMIND ME OF KOURTNEY NOW, BECAUSE OF THE PIC I HOPE IM FIXIN TO POST....KODY AND PIXIE LU INFRONT OF THE NURSING HOME (THE LAST ONE BEFORE SHE DIED)....

AND NO WONDER KIMBERLYS DAD IS MY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX CUZ HES A DUMB ASSSSSSS..I WROTE ON FB..."REALIZED NEXT MONTH IS JUNE :(".....HE SAID "AND LAST MONTH WAS APRIL:.......WE ALL KNOW ON HERE NEXT MONTH IS "KOURTNEYS 2ND ANGELDATE"...DREADING THE MONTH TO COME ALREADY...LIKE I SAID HE IS STUPID...

[katant]

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

 

I agree with others when you just don't know what the day will bring.  I am just 3 years and 5 months from the day my 18 year old son Anthony was hit and killed by a drunk driver.  As a single mom, just 2 months from my 42nd birthday, living back home with my parents, struggling every day to make my life feel like it is something that is worth getting up for everyday.

Some days really suck, but other days just seem numb and go bye pretty quick and I just cannot wait to go to sleep.  Sleeping is my escape now.  I sleep good now.  It took awhile to get to this point.  Actually I am working my way off my anti-depressants.  Hope to be off them next month.  But I am not a doctor, I only do what I feel.  They meds really helped me through days I felt like I would never get out of bed.

I struggle now with figuring out what the heck my life is now.  What I am supposed to do now, and with the help with my grief counselor to help me, not sure I would be at this point.

Group meetings are not for me.  I feel as if the people around me are just more avenues to hear bad news, bad things, depressing.  As much as I love to talk about my Anthony, I just don't see the good it does to re-hash what I have gone through the past 3 years.   I now have to concentrate on what I have accomplished the last 3 years and it has been hell.  Not to mention I still have Anthony's NON-FATHER up my ass looking for money.  There really is none.  He did get some and I think I got less than him.  But let me tell you something.  THE MONEY MEANS NOTHING.  It DOES not bring my son back.  It does not turn back time.  It really does nothing but allow me to live my life.  And I do that each day because really not sure what to do.

So that is me, but everyone is different.  My counselor told me last week that I cannot compare myself to others and where they are or what they are doing because everyone hangles tradgey differently.  I understand that now, but it is still not easy.  I think about Anthony all day every day.  Days turn into weeks, into months, now I am into year 3.  WOW...is this really my life now?  Guess so.

Anthony, I love you my buddy.  We will be together again some day!!!!!!

Love ant's mom....kathy

[hotrod]

[user=39355]msnher[/user] wrote:

THEN, I feel guilty for feeling so bad and in so much pain and telling all of you about it when you're in so much pain, too.  Why can't I put my own pain aside and let it be your "pain day"?  It's like I'm stealing all the pain.  LOL  Oh. that cracked me up.  If we were all together I think we would laugh at that. 

Well...there it is..crazy me.  Sharing it all with lucky you.  Still feel sick to my stomach. 

Thanks for being there.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Dear Susannah,

I have been away for awhile but I was touched by your post and just needed to respond.  I know Carol and Dee have spoken in depth to your message and have given you some great insight and tools so you  can keep on keeping on.  I just wanted to say - please, please be gentle with yourself!!! Stop judging yourself so harshly.  You are a grieving mom who has had to take on additional responsibilities of 3 little children due to the loss of your child.  This is huge and you and Hubby need to understand this.  It is all so new and painful so please talk about it, pray, just take care of you and your little family  and stop worrying about  Stealing all the Pain":?It is not possible.  We are all here  supporting each other thru the good and bad times

Please rest and keep in touch with how you are feeling.and share it  That is how we survive this painful road.

Sherry, Dee,Carol and Lorrie,Betsy  Thanks for the beautiful pictures and uplifting messages.  They really help

Just a bit of news.    I was up at the Times Square area during the car bomb scare last night..  We are all safe and it was handled so professionally by the NYpolice Dept. 

Betty

Stephen'smom:?

[ericasmom]

Betty, I was so saddened by the bomb scare in NYC last evening, sad that someone would do this to upset the balance that has been hard-fought and achieved by the people of NYC. I am sorry for the threat of violence and so happy at the same time for the quick thinking of the vendor adn the police and bomb squad. From what we viewed on TV, it did seem well handled. I am just sorry that some feel it is okay to send messages of hatred adn fear in such a way. I hope dearly that they are found out soon.

Kathy, Ant's Mom, thinking of you and hoping that there is a blue sky and a bird song in your day tomorrow.

Lorri, Kody and azalias, somehow they fit together. Thanks for the photo.

Kathy, feel much better adn go to the doctor. Strep throat going round my school and in my classroom.

Sleep time, deep sleep to you all, perhaps a nice dream too.

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Susannah, ALL of the firsts are hard, like torture that goes on and on. BUT it WON'T always be like this, so stabbing sharp. It's hard to believe that right now, because nothing cuts the pain. But just like everyone else here, coping day by day, hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute, eventually we get through the stabbing part and settle into what becomes of us in a new light. It won't always be so dark. And when light does come, it may last for a short time and revert, but then ebb and flow for a time. It's all normal, and NO you are not doing it wrong. You are flowing with it, because you have no choice. But you are choosing life each day, and you are taking care of those babies, and that's a heck of a lot of something you are doing. SO like others said, don't be so hard on yourself, and stop feeling judged here, because we get it and we are not judging. For now just do whatever you can day by day and hour by hour. And if it's just sitting in your grief chair, then that will have to do for the moment. We're all there with you from time to time. It's so good to have our BI family!! xoxoxo Hugs!!! ~Claudia

[zachysmom]

Hi all just wanted to drop in and say hi. Things are going ok here. I won't be on much till my vision gets straightened out. gotta love it when you can't see far away or up close. Saw my eye dr. he thinks its due to my diabetes and slightly elevated sugars. Who knows time will tell if it is going to get any better. so if I post and it doesn't make sense or isn't spelled right I give my apologies now.

[Guest]

Carol - I don't think you could offend me if you tried.  Your heart is too gentle to offend.  I appreciate your words and am grateful for the honesty spoken.

Dee - I love the quote from the book you are reading.  Profound.

Claudia, Lorri, Betty, Kathy (both)  - Thank you for the comforting words of support and encouragement. 

Beth - I hope you get your eyesight cleared up quickly. 

Betty - I am holding you close in thought and heart as Stephen's angel day approaches.  I'm also grateful for all the people in New York that what was intended and what could have happened did not. 

My thoughts and prayers are also with all the people in the south who are experiencing flooding and tornado's. 

I have a splitting headache, of course, but am going to do my best to enjoy the day.

Hope y'all do the same!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest]

Sherry - I don't want to miss saying thank you to you, too!  You have a significant date approaching, too, don't you?

Sending love

Susannah

[lolynbo]

ITS EARLY AND IM DRINKING COFFEE SO BARE WITH ME....

DID I TELL YAL ABOUT MONTYS FRIEND ARTHER, HE WAS MURDERED 29 YRS AGO HERE IN ARDMORE SHOT PT BLANK IN THE THE HEAD...NO BODY NOS WHO DID IT, NO ONE TALKED...WELL MONTY GOT A CALL FRIDAY THEY HAVE A LEAD OR A LEAD ON A SUPSPCT SO TODAY MONTY IS TALKING TO THE MAIN OFFICER AT 10:30 THAT IS NOW HANDLEIN THE CASE.....PLZ PRAY MONTY REMEMBERS THINGS HE THOUGHT HE FOR GOT AND THAT THEY FINALLY CATCH THESE PPL FOR THE REMAINDING FAM MEMBERS, AUTHERS MOM AND DAD HAVE NOW PASSED......

ALSO PLEASE PRAY FOR MY AC IT IS IN NEED OF MAJOR REPAIR AND WE DONT HAVE THE EXTRA $$$$ PROB 1600-OR 5000 TO FIX OR REPLACE IT....AND OUR OKLA SUMMERS ARE HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

LOVE THE PIC OF KODY AND PIX AND THE AZELEAS...IM GOING TO PLANT SOME SOON LOVE THEM...PLANTING THEM FOR KOURTNEY LYNN

[shorty16]

Hello my fellow Indigos

Just took a friend to lunch.  She is leaving our company Friday. 

I will miss her.

If I could bottle the weather we had in WI this weekend, I would not have to work for a long time. - BEAUtiful.

Take care

Colleen, Brian (AKA Brain's) Mom forever.

[ericasmom]

It is a perfect spring day here too Col, so I am glad to share this weather with you and everyone that is lucky enough to have it.

Lor, hope that the police are able to close this long unknown case. Hope to high heavens that you get your AC fixed too.

Kathy, did you go to the doc? More cases of strep in our building today as well as several cases of fifth disease, not serious to anyone except pregnant women.

Going home from school now,

dee

[ericasmom]

Here is where my prayers are focusing right now, The areas of wetlands and estuaries and protected habitats in the gulf where so much was destroyed in Katrina and was just coming back...the animals, the plant life that they depend upon, and the livli-hoods of those that are dependent on all of those things working in synchronicity.

I've not voiced my thoughts on this as I tend to become over political and I don't want to offend anyone, but the horror of this oil spill, the careless actions of Gigantic companies who banked on this not happening and so don't have a plan B ready to save the water, the water fowl, the fish, the plants, the turtles and the many other living things that will die because they simply didn't have ready the containment aparatus that is needed, was needed hours after this tragedy. And it will be days more before it is ready. I am just aghast at the pass-the-buck  attitudes of those at the  higest end in the  world of business. It is time that we force the decision to use other means than oil, it is time to regard the world as we would a Child, it is Earth for heavens sake, not replaceable. We know what not replaceable means. How do some of these people look the other way, we cannot, the other way is also being affected. You can't have an action without a reaction. So pardon my rant, but I am mourning the loss of so much life in the gulf coast area. This week adn next is a big time for hatchlings, and the flyway for migrating birds. What will they do now?

It is time for some forward thinking that takes us into new avenues of energy.

this weekend we had a  migrating bird hanging out for a while in our yard. I was awed by the beautiful markings and knew that this small creature was a white-capped sparrow. We have a multitude of sparrows around here, but the white capped is not one that lives here. He just stopped by on his way to Canada. this is not a photo that I took, but rather one that I looked up on a bird site.

[daveydow1]

Dee---What a lovely bird pic, ...and to think that you had the pleasure of seeing

him on his way to Canada. I totally agree with you about the Gulf oil spill. It will

take decades or longer to "fix" the damage....IF it is possible to fix it. The big

companies only look at their bottom line. Money always comes first. They should

be fined millions, and made to pay for all the damages. Of course some of the

damages cannot be fixed with just money. The big company was playing fast &

loose with the environment at stake, and we see what happened. I, too. love

to hear the owls..their calls are so haunting and almost 'lonely' sounding.

Carol---Thanks for your kind words. Your house sounds just perfect.....near other

houses, yet because of the corner lot, and the placement of nice trees,...affords

you a lot of privacy. I know just what you mean about getting to the point of

needing to make a move to a more manageable place. My husband and I will no

doubt be looking at that scenario in due time. 2 acres of grass is a lot to keep up

with, and snow on the lane in winter. We're no 'spring chickens'.......so may have

to make a move in the future also. For now.....we're really enjoying this place.

Your outing with the grandies was so great, and they must have really enjoyed

the go-cart riding.

Kathy...Jessica's mom----Sending warm thoughts & prayers your way, that you

will be feeling a bit better. Peace, friend.

Lorrie---I will pray hard that Monty will remember something that will lead to the

arrest of the bad people who murdered his friend.

Claudia----So nice to see Joey's handsome smiling face.

Susannah----I do hope that you are feeling a bit better. Man, those "black hole"

days are awful, aren't they?  Please be easy on yourself, friend. Peace &comfort. 

Hi Betty----Hope you're doing OK.

       Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

                 

[summergirl]

Dear Indigo's - thank you for your concern on my health - still not feeling well - it is crazy....just stuffed up, coughing and all over not feeling myself....no sore throat or headache...just that not good feeling.

Tavian had his first baseball game tonight, his teams name is JAXX...they did so good, Tavian hit 2 out field and home base twice...he played first base and then third. They won 9 to 6....he was so excited and of course I am so proud of him. Next game is on Friday. He is growing up before my eyes...how I love that boy.

I miss you all and sorry that I do not have much to offer right now, as soon as I am up and feeling myself again I will catch up with all.    Oh yeah, Barry is down 45 pounds......he looks great and feels great, I am so proud of him.

Prayers to all and much love, Kathy

[heartbeataway]

Kathy,

Take time for yourself ..... you're important and need to feel well.  Rich has been sick for two weeks and is just now feeling "human" again.  Some rough stuff going around!

45 lbs!!!  Congrats Barry!!   woohoo!!

Dee,

The gulf tragedy is gripping my heart too.  I heard last night it could reach the Chesapeake Bay ...... OMG!!

Beautiful little sparrow!  I love birds.  We are just starting some landscaping in landscape barren yard.  We have one little tree out front that needs to be moved and a larger one in the back at the top of a hill.  Other than a few azaleas and builders plantings out front, that's it.  So, it will be fun to develop our yard but I do wish we had more mature landscaping so that nature would visit more often!

Carol,

How's your hubby? 

"E" has court today.  Stepdad's trial ...... this is not going to be pleasant for her.  Please pray for strength and courage. 

Colleen,

Glad you enjoyed your lunch with friends.

Marcia,

Big trip coming up for you!  Big hearts doing big deeds for others!  Blessings my friend!

Trudi???  I'm missing you!

I haven't shared that the job didn't work out for Rich.  Neither one of us had good feelings about it and so, we're not moving forward with the opportunity.  Back to square one!

It's a pretty morning here in Virginia ....... hope yours is too!

Sunshine for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

Prayers whispered adn said aloud throughout the trial, that E is blessed with the strength of those who have her best interests at heart, like you Bon and Rich, and may the Angels reach down and protect this Girl from anymore hurt, helping her learn to live in the sunlight that has been hidden from her.

You are an inspiration to me Bon.

Good luck on the yard, what fun to make a new garden. How much land is there?

Marcia, may yours and Larry's time with Claudia and Mike be magical. Peace and tranquility to you all.

Kathy, tell Barry that we are proud of his efforts, WOW!

Love you All,

dee

PS to new parents here, one thing we used to talk about was how you live in two worlds now, one foot skimming the surface of the day to day while the other foot is deep in a world that is filled with sadness, anger, loss, legal crap, doctors bills... It is not easy living in two worlds, so please take whatever good you can.

[Guest]

Rain, hail, snow and sleet.  We've got it all going on this morning!

Good morning, Indigo's,

While I am looking forward to warmer weather, I loved the sound of the rain, hail, and sleet as it hit my bedroom window.  It was silent when I finally rose to fetch my first cup of coffee.  I was surprised to see the snow falling, quietly. 

I've been watching the gulf, too, Dee.  I don't have any words. 

Bonnie, I am so glad Emily has you!  She will be in my prayers today! 

Betty, Bless you at this time.  May you find peaceful solitude in the comfort of what this time of year represents.  Much love to you, my friend.

Sending love and warm thoughts to all of you!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[debbief]

 Hello from the UK, just wanted to say don't know if I can continue with this site at the moment or if at all, it is so hard reading some of these stories and I am not feeling right about reading them, my Sam's anniversay is only 4 weeks away and the memory and thought of it is becoming very real and daunting again, not sure how I am feeling just know I am away in my own place at the moment and people around me are very supportive but don't really understand.

My daughter and granddaughter are also in Singapore with her father for a week and this is never an easy time for me as relations between us are not good. I try to respect that he is her father, but that's the only thing I respect about him.

Anyway I am trying to brace myself for the inevitable in the next few weeks, will be going down to Devon by the coast for a week during that period which will be a nice break but doesn't change what is creeping up and always will every year.  This being the first year makes me wander how do you all cope with this year in year out, don't know what life has in stall anymore all I know is that when this anniversary is over it takes me to a year nearer to being with my Sam, is that selfish?

Take care everyone and I hope maybe I can come back at a later date when I am feeling stronger and more acceptable to what is in store for me and the family.

Debbie my Sam's mum for eternity xx

 

[ericasmom]

Debbie, nothing easy about what you are facing, and no way to assist you other than to let you know that we do get it, really understand the many moods, anxiety, pure sadness that you are moving through. As far as being here, whatever you need is what we want for you, if being here brings to much too often, then being here is not being helpful to your search for some life with some peace.But never go away thinking that you need to do more here, you don't, just come when you want and respond or reply when it feels right, and reach out if you need, because we all really get it. I wish that we could make this first anniversary not be a fact in your life, but we cannot. We will grieve along side, knowing what it means to suffer the worst loss.

Love and support,

dee

[lostwoher]

Just a quick note to let you know that I think of ALL of YOU and your ANGELS everyday. Peace

Lynn aka Kayla's & Travis's mom

[lolynbo]

PLZ PRAY FOR MY BROTHER ROY....HE WAS HAVING CHEST PAINS TODAY AND THEY HAD ATTMITTED HIM TO DO TEST HE IS 51 AND A SMOKER...I WILL LET YAL NO WHEN I DO ABOUT THE TESTS..

ALSO TONIGHT IS KOURTNEYS KLOSET NIGHT @ ELCHICOS WE GET A PERCENTAGE OF ALL MEALS AND DRINKS SOLD BETWEEN 5-10 (IF THEY TELL THE SERVER)...SO BIG DAY TODAY FOR US...

BLESS AND BE BLESSED

[ericasmom]

Lynn, so good to see Kayla's pretty self here, have wondered how you are and figured you would say hi when you felt up to it. I hope that the spring weather is brightening your life, that somehow, there is more room for spring this year.

Love,

dee

PS I am at school till 7:45 tonight as we have what is termed, a learning goal fare, which is a night that kids set up and present their learning goal, (research project) for others to see. It is cool, but a long day, however it did proompt me to clean my classroom.

see ya,

dee