Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Dee----Yep,.....nature is such a comforting thing. Everything's coming 'alive' now.

I hope you get rested up. I know what that's like.......not sleeping well. I have

a night like that every so often. Rainy here now...good time to go back to my

reading.

Carol---Thanks for your kind words. It will be so nice when you get all the

flowers for Mike planted. The suggestion of salvia and dianthus that Dee

gave sounds like it would be so lovely. Salvia seems to bloom & bloom. I had some

 in the past and loved them. Glad that your talk with your friend went so well.  

Thanks to everyone who posts pics. I really enjoy seeing them. I still have a

bit of trouble posting pics......that's why I don't post them often, but do so enjoy

seeing everyone else's pics.  Take care all INDIGOES.

                davey& Lisasmom,   Sherry  

[ericasmom]

Betsy, is that an azalia? Pretty, and of course, the robin, my favorite. Doesn't matter how common they seem to be, their song is a dream.

Kathy, yep, a rainy sleepy day. I took an almost 2 hour nap, which tells me that I have a bug, sneezing and throat is a bit irritated. So, hopefully with rest like I have had in the afternoons, I will strengthen my immune for the week ahead.

Sherry, I am not good at posting photos either, seems I do it one way and it works and then try that same way the next time and it doesn't. I have become a skeptic with the whole process, but when I have a bit more time I will play with it. I don't do photo bucket, which I think many here do use and it makes it easier somehow, but first I would have to download everything to photobucket...complicated for a girl like me. I tend to break anything mechanical.

Good night to all if I don't post again this evening,

dee

[ericasmom]

Hi All,

going to bed but just read an article about a Mom making a movie, a documentary about her Daughter who died from bulimia. Powerful stuff, and you may like to read about her efforts to raise awareness.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/22/fashion/22Melissa.html?pagewanted=3&ref=fashion

[nicksdad]

Betsy,

The picture is great...and yes very understandable about the Marine..

Late...Happy Birthday...

Nick saw 21 just did not see 22....Days on end I think about "what if" and if he had been

this old then he would probably be doing this or that...It is overpowering at times....

[lolynbo]

BITTERSWEET....BRINLEY RAE CARGAL IS HERE SHE WEIGHED 4.9 PDS AND IS 17IN LONG.....CAME BY C SECTION AROUND 11:30 LAST NIGHT....I ASKED CARLEY THIS MORN IF I CAN BE "SECRET GAMMY"...SHE SAID YES "IT DONT HAVE TO BE SECRET".....MADE ME CRY...

THIS IS BRINLEY

[ericasmom]

IF I COULD SAY IT IN GIANT LETTERS OF PINK AND GREEN I WOULD< WELCOME BRINLEY RAE and give your extra grammy a hug from all of us. I know that this birth rocks your heart in a whole new way Lorri, and your beautiful Angel, Kourtney is smiling on this little Girl with great love and knowing. Great knowing.

Betsy, happy belated as well, what is your actual date? We are Taureans together.

Love,

dee

[shorty16]

Lorri

Thinking about you.  That was so nice of them to let you be a special grandma.

My heart is holding yours on this difficult, but happy of days.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[daveydow1]

Welcome to the world, little Brinley Rae !!   Lorrie,---I know this

 must be a bittersweet time for you, and you are in my thoughts. I agree

 with Dee--- lovely Kourtney will be smiling down.

Dee----About posting pics on BI. Yep...that's the same thing that happens to

me when I try to post a pic. Works one time, but not the next. AAarrrrrgggghh.:X

Oh well, I may try again sometime :?.  Rainy...gloomy here, all day!  I hope you

can get some serious rest time. Take care.

PEACE &  TRANQUILITY TO ALL HERE IN THE BI FAMILY.

              Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry   

[Guest]

We had snow yesterday and sunny today.  Springtime in the Rockies.

Bittersweet, Lorri.  Congratulations and sympathy wrapped up in one tiny miracle. 

So.....Mariah stayed home from school (stomach bug).  While we sat outside the school this afternoon, waiting for her sister, she informed me that the reason she doesn't want to call me Mom in public is her friends will wonder why she has such an old Mom.  "I'm not calling you old, Grandma, even though you are."  LOL

Wishing you all peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

THANK YAL...HOPING TO GO SEE THEM TOM...I WILL TAKE TUNS OF PICS

[mikesmomrs]

Lorri:  congrats to the mommy and daddy, and mostly to you, as you step into this bittersweet new chapter in your life...she is really beautiful, and yes, Kourtney is watching, and smiling...

Sus:  Beautiful, the display for Stephanie...this is her ashes, isn't it?  What does it say?  I think you posted it before, but I don't recall.  As for the "old," yes, it seems to those younger that we are all ancient.  When my mom was 74, she was with me when I went shopping with the girls (then 4 and 7) at Sears. We walked through the shoe department, and at eye level was a pair of gold lame and silver lame open toed high heels.  Cathi stopped to look (she was 4), after a minute she said "Nana (to my mom), if you were young and pretty which color would you like?"  Needless to say, she didn't whisper these words, so quite a few people around us got a chuckle on my mom's inability to answer. 

Dee:  thank you for the reminder of Dianthus...I had some in my old yard, but since I didn't do a garden last summer, I totally forgot about them...and the salvia...always had a lot in my planters.  The red will be really pretty.  I've already put in a couple of snaps, but one of them went south over the weekend...don't know why.  I may just clip it off and see if it comes back.

Have Damon tonight...never thought I would be babysitting on our 46th wedding anniversary, but there you have it...could be doing a lot worse.  Tomorrow we go out to dinner...  We decided not to buy each other presents this year because we really want to get the van painted, so that will be it for both of us.  Ralph said "But, I don't want to get the van painted, just you want that."  I said, okay, I'll just give you the bill and you can pretend it was for something else. 

Betsy:  loved the bush, really pretty.  It looks like a miniature Rhododendron...we used to have one at our old house. 

by the way, I am attaching a pic of the decal that Greg generously made for our car...Cathi and Kim and Davis are going to put one on their cars, also.

Thanks again, Greg, it looks terrific!

 

will post later...love and peace,  carol 

[Guest]

Carol - Yes, it is Stephanie's urn.  It says

Stephanie Keck

April 29, 1981 - August 9, 2009

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they sall walk, and not faint."  Isiah 40:31

 

[summergirl]

Welcome BRINLEY RAE !!!! Oh Lorrie how precious and I know it is bittersweet for you but I just know that Kourtney is smiling and will watch over that sweet baby. A gammy again - Tavian will be jealous !!

Rainy day but back to work....tomorrow the boss is taking us girls out for lunch - can't remember why and I do not really want to go but what to do....put the mask on.

Coloring with Tavian so I must go - he needs my attention tonight. Love to all, Kathy

[ericasmom]

Susannah, I love that your Grandie said that to you, that kind of honesty that children own. Such grand innocence and of course her trust of you to take this conversation and not be hurt by it, but to listen. HOw nice that she is listened to now. Imagine how very nice that feels, like a warm blanket on a cold night. Comfort.

Carol, I am laughing out loud at the remark Cathi made to your Mom. Oh my goodness, if you were young and pretty...hilarious. Did you choke? I am glad that you like dianthus, I do too. We have some coming up on their own in a pot that sits out all winter, there these plants found enough protection and sunlight this spring to comeup and sprout, and blossom. How nice, and how hardy. There are annual dianthus as well as perenial(sp). If ever you want a beauty of a plant this summer order some black and blue salvia. It gets real tall and and blossoms for a long time, it is not a perenial in our zone (5) but it is a bit to the south I believe. Oh I love it and our order comes tomorrow so my husband will put them in the ground after work. All of our asian lillies are coming along as well and the indigo. The buttercups are all over the place but won't bloom till June I hope, and the columbine seeds itself from one end of the yard to the other. I love wild columbine and wild larkspur. Two of my favorites. I love the fancier columbine too, so intricate, like lace on lace.

Greg, love the decal very much.

Well later i will try to post a photo of our magnolia tree which had a lovely bloom time this spring. Early but lovely. Sherry, ten to one it does not post. WE'll see.

Kathy, maybe tomorrows lunch will be a happily relaxed atmosphere, I hope so anyhow. Go color and enjoy. I love to color. I also love the way a new box of 64 looks, who gets to decide which color stands next to the next? I'd like that job. Each box would be different, random placement depending on my mood or my sense of things that day.

[ericasmom]

here is our magnolia in front of our home.

hope it takes.

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Dee: the magnolia tree is truly beautiful..I love the way you highlighted the one flower bloom, with the tree of pink behind it...and your house is HUGE...how many stories does it have?  do you live in all of them?  Your garden sounds like something lovely to look at and walk through...

Sus:  That is such a beautiful verse, and the foundation of one of the songs we sang at Mike's service..."We will fly like the eagle, We will rise again."  Thank you for the picture. 

Dee/Kathy/Tavian:  I love to color, also, and Dee, like you, a new box of 64...wow what a treat!  Crayons were what you got at school (sometimes) and had to share, and once in a blue moon did we get a new box at home...they were treasured!  I can still remember when I first ever saw a box of 64...I was so enthralled by them, all the boxes lined up like treasure chests on the shelf in Woolworth's, that I left a bag that I had with me, there on the shelf beside the display when I left the store.  The bag had $10.00 in it that my mother had just sent me to borrow from a friend "Til dad gets paid."  When I got outside the store, I realized I didn't have the bag, and immediately thought I had left it on the train I had taken home from my mom's friend's house.  I dreaded facing my mother with the news (I was, of course, not supposed to have even gone into the store!).  I thought I had left it on the train, so I went to the office at the subway station and told them.  They had me verbally retrace my steps...and they called Woolworth's and amazingly, it was still there.  If those people at the subway office were still alive (I couldn't have been more than 12 or so at the time), I know they would still remember me bursting into tears and screaming and yelling how happy I was!!!  As I was leaving with one of the guys walking me over to the store, which was just across the street, I overheard one of the guys saying "I was going to give it to her if they didn't find it."  Crayons...that and an old library are my favorite smells from my childhood.  Sorry for the rambling, but that sure triggered memories from many years ago.

Well, as I posted earlier, Ralph and I did spend our 46th wedding anniversary babysitting Damon...we had fun, though.  He is so sweet and fun to be with, (Damon, not Ralph---well, I guess Ralph can be fun to be with, too!). 

After I tucked Damon in, I took this picture as he fell asleep.  Memories triggered that brought bittersweet tears...I went to straighten out his hand that was under the sheet, and he had two Star Wars figures pressed into his little hand---treasures to dream with. 

Love and peace to all my indigo friends...I hope you all have a good morning when you rise again for the new day.

Carol

[debbief]

Lorri ~ Congratulations on baby Brinley a new little life to bring you joy, my granddaughter has brought emense joy to our family since my Sammy leaving, she has been a life saver.

It is quickly approaching May the 1st, am dreading this month knowing my Sam only had to the end of the month last year, life is so cruel and sometimes very meaningless. The ache lurches now when I think deeply about him, just wish I could dream of him, his spot in the village church yard is so pretty, over looks the fields that he used to play in as a little boy, I have reserved my spot directly behind him which I find very comforting, not sure of how he would feel having his mum so close for eternity!

The weather is beautiful at the moment, we are nearly in the 20's which is warm for the UK!! believe me. Going in the garden is so theraputic, this is my first summer in this cottage and garden and have made a spot for Sam, I look out of my back door and there he is, my garden goes length ways onto fields, peace and tranquillity, for a while anyway!

Hope that everyone is having good weather or at least weather that enables you all to get out into the fresh air and to breath.

Debbie Sammy's mum x

[mysonrich]

Carol and Greg, nice job on the decal. Carol, I think it’s a Rhododendron too. When I look at it I hear an echo of my grandmother’s voice in my mind’s eye.

Lorri, a beautiful baby.

Dee, my bd is the 24^th.The ex is the 25^th. You have heard what they say about marrying the same zodiac sign? You and Eri’s dad as well?

Dan, right now Rich is a frozen snap shot in my mind. I move forward, he remains the same. The what if’s, everyday. Like what if he joined the Marines and they found a problem in his physical? But, he had ekg and cardio workup after his dad’s almost fatal heart attack, and they found nothing. it’s a vicious circle and if I continue to tread there, a downward spiral..So, I try not to.

Indigo’s, I found myself laughing outloud in my kitchen yesterday. Rich’s graduation photo brought it back. I have always used a film 35mm camera. On his graduation day I was using Sarah’s digital camera. When I went to take the picture I held the camera up to my eye. HA Ha..my mind is saying,” something isn’t right here” duh

Rich turned to his sister and said, “ I can’t believe she just did that” Sarah,” me either “ Ok OK, so I had some catching up to do.

Great picture Dee.

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Must reply before leaving, (late) for work. Oh don't worry, I would never be LATE for the kids, just for some of the prep time but I am well aware of what we are tackling today so...

Betsy, it is a rhodie I think, I get my azalias and rhodies mixed up. I love that you put the camera to your eye, I still find I do that when I forget that it is digital and I have had a digital for some time now. Old habits.

I think it is funny/odd/unusual that you and i both have april birthdays with our former husbands the day after each. I do know what they say about marrying the same zodiac sign, so what did I do, the brainiac that I must be? I married another Taurean. Ahhhh, lessons learned.

Carol, love that photo of your sweetie-pie. I love that he was gripping two starwars figures. Dear. Oh Happy 46th with Ralph, my goodness what a great story of the two of you. I am amazed by the number of years you share with someone and still laugh and cry together, still enjoy the day together. Nice, and meant to be.

My house looks bigger than it is, especially from the angel I snapped the photo. It is a two story home, you can see the basement (unfinished and ugly) windows and then the front room windows, above that are the windows that were Eri's room. Pretty windows throughout the house, though need a cleaning to be sure. The window boxes in front will be planted in May, usually tall salvia-red, for the hummers, mixed with some snaps or some marigolds-large golds. I throw some purple in for contrast to the red and yellow, some phlox or some purple salvia-veronica. Our garden in both front and back are lovely, we really have a nice variety. I am hoping that someof the natural stuff I sprinkled on the garden last year will have worked some of its magic this year in killing the larvae of the japanese beetles as they can destroy our gardens in quick order. Husband, the garden gnome, a great gardener, thinks I am nuts to try the natural killer, wants to use chemicals which we have done in the past but we need to change our ways in small and simple steps. So, I did ask that we try it this way this time. If they come back as they have in the past, IT"S WAR!

I love your memories of the crayons, the magic that is held in each box. Still one of my favorite smells as well, and chalkboards too. I love that the people from the train station were so empathetic.

Let us take that lesson with us today, opening up our hearts to the words of our young ones, our neediest ones.

Sam's Mom, your garden sounds like a delight and will serve to offer you that piece of peace that is so elusive now. Take it when you can and remember it when you are most blue, knowing that you will feel it again on this journey, and one day you will feel it more often. Coming up to an anniversary is quite difficult, take it from us, what you are feeling is what we all have and do with the calendar pages. Hang on Sweetie, we will hold you from afar, and Sammy is holding you each day, happy that you are looking at the fields where he played.

Love-

dee

[lolynbo]

IM OFF IN A BIT TO OKC..TO SEE BRENT AND CARLEY AND BABY BRINLEY...I FOUDN A PIC OF HER ON FB FROM HER MOMMY...I HOPE YAL DONT MIND ME POSTING A  FEW...

BRENT AND BRINLEY..

[lolynbo]

THEY SAID SHE WAS LOOKING FOR HER DADDY HERE....TO ME I SAY WHEN I OPENED THIS PIC....THIS LOOKS JUST LIKE KOURTNEY...IM SURE I WAS JUST SEEING THINGS

[lolynbo]

HOW MANY TIMES DID I SEE THIS KID STAND OVER KOURTNEYS BED LIKE THIS???? I CANT BELIEVE HE IS HAVING TO GO THRU THIS AGAIN..(HOSP)  IM SURE IT  WILL BE OK I JUST WISH THEY DIDNT HAVE TO

[shorty16]

Hello Indigo's

Hope the day is treating you well!  Love the photos of Brinley.  I hope I spelled that right!?!?!

Thinking of my Brian today and always.

Take care

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Has anyone ever heard of SheepHead - The card game?

I play it everyday at lunch and I think it is a Wisconsin game (German actually).

Fun game, but alot of thinking.

Colleen

[ericasmom]

HI COL, no sheephead here, but I stink at games.

Lorri, she is beautiful, and who knows really, could a part of Kourtney's beautifulness be in Baby-Brin? I think so, not seeing things that are not there, but perhaps privy to the magic of Kourt born anew. I know that it must tear at your heartstrings to see the ache and hope mixed in Brin's Daddy. Kourt has her hand on his shoulder, my prayers are doubling for this Baby to gain weight and strength and ability to sustain herself, a healthy long long life. Please God.

[shorty16]

Someone please send warm thoughts to the Wisconsin area.  We are freezing here.  Windy and cold.

Thanks for your help

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Prayers for warmth Col, however, those on the east coast will really need to bundle up, as up to a foot of snow is heading their way. SOrry guys, but it is spring snow, won't last long.

love to you,

dee

[daveydow1]

Carol---Your story about losing the bag with the money in it---then later

finding it.....you must have been Sooooo  relieved when you got it back. I, too,

loved crayons ( or Crayolas, as we used to call them). Nothing like getting a

new coloring book & crayons (ANY size box) and going off to color the pictures.

Great memories. CONGRATS on your 46th wedding Anniversary with Ralph.!!

What a milestone. Love the pic of your little grandson asleep.

Dee---Your magnolia tree is just beautiful. I love dianthus too....always have.

I'm going to try to find some of the perennial-types to plant. I picked rhubarb

today and froze 8 pts. There's more out there. My daughter is coming tomorrow

to get some. I'll probably do some more freezing too. Sunny, but very cool & windy

here, but it beats snow..

Lorri----Thanks for the pics of sweet little Brinley Rae. Best Wishes to all.

Betsy----Oh, I laughed when you told of holding the digital camera up to your

eye to take a picture. I did the SAME thing (more than once) when I got my new

digital camera this past December. I guess it just comes out of habit to hold the

camera up to the eye. My camera didn't come with an instruction  booklet ----

you have to go online and look it up. Not much help when you are out taking pics

at an event or in nature:(. Oh well........

  Take care INDIGOES.

             Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello Indigo's,

Dee - the luncheon was ok....we went to a chinese place that I hate, it is not a nice place but one of the women loves it so she got to choose I guess. I had Shrimp with broccoli....ate one shrimp and one piece of broccoli and yuk....I did have the soup so at least I had something. I get along really well with 3 of the women but two others are "back stabbers" if you know what I mean.....One of them I swear is crazy, for about a month she will treat me like her best friend and then all of the sudden she acts like she doesn't know me, it has made me crazy for the past 2 years so now I do all I can to ignore her....good thing we sat at opposite sides of the table. My boss is sweet and we had a nice conversation but I am glad it is only twice a year.  At least I went and tried.....     Love the tree pic, beautiful.

Lorrie - little Brin is so adorable and I know that your heart is so very torn, hugs to you my friend.

Carol - great story about the crayons and the 10 dollars....love it when I read such heartwarming tales.  I have always loved to color and Jessica followed me and now Tavian.....Jessica loved the BIG coloring books that you color with markers and so does Tavian.....I still have the ones Jessica did, she would take hours on one picture making sure everything was perfect. I love crayons too, all the vibrant colors..   The pic of your Damon is precious, I can just picture you standing over him watching as he slept....I do the same with Tavian and at times the tears come along with the memories.

Colleen - sending warm weather your way....although it was rainy and only about 55 today it is supposed to be close to 80 this weekend - whoo hoo.....

Missing my Jessica today something awful, tears threatened at each turn....I miss her so.

Love and Peace to all - Kathy

[katant]

Hello all.

I know it's been quite some time since I have posted.  I have been milling through my days in a fog.  I felt as if I was doing well.  I was working at an ENT surgery center per deim and loving the place.  I had hoped and prayed as my one year being there approched I would be offered a permanent position.  Well that did not happen.  And with the loss of jobs and people losing their health insurance, our surgeries at the center went way down.  Which meant that they did not need me as much anymore.  I actually have not worked there since March 20th.  It's now the end of April.

So I took a part time job at a local college here working in the surgical tech lab as a lab assistant.  I knew it was only 19 hours a week, with a 6$ pay cut.  But it would be 19 hours a week.  I found out last week that during the Intersession, which runs from June 2nd through July 19th that I would not be working.  MAN, I was like...wtf....

I am finding in the last 6 months, I find something that seems to be working out and then something stops. 

I am so stuck right now.  I am told to go back to school to get my B.A. in Science, which sounds great...but....it will cost me $38,000 to return back to school, as well as working and going back to that grind.  And do I really want to be working in this health care field in the next 3 years that will change all of our lives.  We really don't know what will happen with Obama and the health care industry. 

Through my years as a surgical tech, I have loved my job.  But since losing Anthony, I just cannot work in that environment anymore.  I am stuck in a rut.

Jobs just are not out there.  Full-time jobs in the health care field are actually drying up as well.  Jobs are now part-time or per-diem so the company does not have to pay for health insurance.  Very stressful and a feeling of defeat at 41.

I know I am young, but I have worked so hard for the past 10 years and feel now I am lost.  Don't know what the hell to do.  Work 19 hours a week, living at home with  my parents.  A complete loser.  My life is a complete pile of ****.

People look at me and think.....so strong....your doing so well.....yeah...nOT..

I made an appointment with my grief conselor for tomorrow.  Yep, no insurance so instead of a $15 copay it will cost me $150.00  but I need some direction.

My parents think I need to "move on", "get over the loss of my son", how the hell do I do that. 

I have always wanted to open my own hair salon...I think I may just say screw up, get my cosmotology liscence and just do it.  Open my own place next spring.

So that's where I am.  Oh yes and of course....STILL DEALING WITH MY LEGAL CRAP....it is such crap....i cannot STAND it anymore. 

Some day I will look back and try to figure out..."what the hell am I doing, where did i come from and where did I end up"....

Ill take any advise, help.  Thank you to my BI friends.

Kathy

[ericasmom]

Dearest Kathy,

I am so sorry that the rat-race is a big pile of crap right now. Goodness knows that you are not washed up at age 41, you are young and there will be other opportunities down the road, but now? It is now that you are dealing with and I think for one thing, you have made a great decision to go to your therapist for direction. I would definitely bounce that idea of going for your beauty liscence and finding work in that field in a year. Once again, that kind of thinking will assist you as you are being practical and thinking about now and how the future may not hold as many jobs in the health related fields.

I know that your parents probably love you a ton, and so they want you to move forward so that they can be sure of your being okay, but they don't get it fully as to what moving on means to folks like us. Moving on is what we are all doing by getting up each day and trying to find our ways, but forgetting about the past? no. Not going to happen, not today adn not tomorrow either.

I would say that finding work in retail and waiting tables and/or per diem work for now while you make some shifts in your ideas is great, you are still earning some money and putting your ideas into plans.

I am glad to see you here, but sorry, very sorry for all you are feeling right now.

dee

Kathy, I am glad that you had a few good people around you today, but sorry that lunch was at an icky place. I think that I too would ignore and avoid the back stabbing woman. Who needs that drama, we have had enough drama for ten people. I hope that it was just good to be away from the office for a while.

Yes, the conversation about crayons reminded me of you and Jess and Tav, knowing that you all like to color.

Sherry, we always had crayons and pencils, but I always made my own pictures. I never liked coloring books that much. I didn't know it when I was little, but my dad, the creep, was stealing paper and supplies from his best friend who owned a stationary shop downtown. My dad drove the train for the CTA, (chicago transit authoirity) and worked part time at the stationary shop. So here we always were kind of below average in money, but we had a ton of paper pens, pencils, glue, and notebooks, and crayons. It was later that I found out that he was stealing. But darn if those crayons are pretty, vibrant jewels in a box.

Rhubarb already? What is your garden zone? WE are zone 5, what are you to already be cutting and freeezing items?

Peace out,

dee

[briansdad]

Well I'm off tomorrow on a week long fishing trip.Take care all of you.No computers where I'll be.

Greg

[lolynbo]

[lolynbo]

I HAD RUFF DAY YESTERDAY...I DONT KNOW WHY..I GUESS IT JUST HIT ME...LIFE GOES ON AND SHES STILL GONE....EVEN WITH THE NEW BABY...IT JUST GETS ME..

YAL NO AMANDA (HERE ON BI)...WELL SHE IS WALKING IN RELAY FOR LIFE ..AND MONTY IS MAKEN HER A AWESOME BANNER...AND JAKKI A GIRL THAT IS WALKING WITH HER..JUST ASKED ME ON FB IF SHE (JAKKI) COULD PUT KOURTNEY ON THE BACK OF HER SHIRT....IT MADE ME CRY...(JAKKI AND KOURTNEY WERE FRIENDS WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE)...JAKKI ALSO HAS LOST A SWEET BABY BOY ELI KOLTON, A FEW MONTHS BEFORE WE LOST KOURTNEY...

I GOT TO SEE THE LIL FAMILY TODAY...SHE IS SO LITTLE THE PICS MAKE HER LOOK BIGGER THEN SHE IS..(LIKE AL OF US)...SHE IS VERY PRETTY AND VERY VERY SMALL...

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE PRAYERS FOR HER AND CARLEY

[ericasmom]

Greg, may the fish run under sunny skies, and the the quiet of the days fill you, the clock not needed for those days, freedom of sorts. I hope that you will have a great sense of Brian while doing what you both love.

Peace to you,

dee

PS will you have some neil young with you as you fish?

Lorri, I am so glad that you went to see the little family. I do hope that the prognosis for Brinley is very good. I know it must have meant a great deal to them all that you were with them, cheering them on. My heart is so filled by your doing this. I think that Jakki being back in your life in this way is quite an amazing circle of life. HEr loss, your loss, she knowing Amanda, wow! Amazing connections in this world of ours.

Love ya,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

Love your magnolia ...... I might love your house more!  Please take a picture of it.

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[ericasmom]

Hi Bon, I will take photos, but the paint is peeling and we haven't the money for a painting this year that is for sure. Oh well.

Let's see if this garden photo from last summer sends...

well, apparently not, so once again, get it to work last night, but not tonight. Ahhh, bedtime.

dee

[ericasmom]

Ok, that was odd, no indication that the photo would appear, so here it is anyhow. Good. Enjoy.

[nicksdad]

Rich & Bonnie.... "The angels are always near to those who are grieving

to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God"

I hope you hear the Angels today....

 

[ericasmom]

JASON,

bless your Momma and Dad with your love and a message of that connection that is forever. Let them feel the brush of your kiss against their cheeks, the random song that brings you into the room, a bird resting on a branch near the window, all things beautiful that lead them to the most lovely 'rememories.'

Blessings that this day is scrubbed in sunshine.

[hotrod]

                               

 

                                        Bonnie and Rich

                          REMEMBERING   SWEET JASON

                         YOUR PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD

                         WHO IS IN THE HANDS OF THE GIVER.

[heartbeataway]

Thanks Dan!  ( I hope we hear Angels today too ...... that brought a tear to my eye ...)

This morning I took Emily to school.  She's oblivious to what this day is .....

Anyway, the "background noise" of Jay was in my mind.  I dropped her off and as I was driving home, Free Bird came on the radio.

I pulled in the driveway and left it playing as I walked out to get the newspaper. I looked up and a big hawk was soaring through the morning sky.  Just beautiful!

Good Morning to you too son ........ Mom loves you!

These are a couple of paragraphs from a poem I wrote Jay on his first birthday away .....

We’re celebrating you today, the little boy that was.

The man who grew, the love we knew

The spirit you are today.

We won’t forget the life you lived

Your generous nature, your loving smile

Soar high with love, there’s more than enough

We’ll see you again one day

Until then, we’ll be here, a mere heartbeat away.

                                                                We love you son, today and always,

                                                                            Mom & Dad

“Ask me why I grieve so that I can say his name again.”

[Guest]

JASON   JASON   JASON   JASON   JASON   JASON

Holding you and Rich close in thought and heart today, Bonnie.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[katant]

Absolutely beautiful.  Going to my grief counsoler today.  Ill let you all know how it went.

 

 

[shorty16]

Jason, Jason , Jason

I will sing your name from Pinnical(sp) Peak.

Bonnie and Rich and all those who love Jason, my prays are with you today on this Angelversary.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[hotsauce]

JASON   JASON   JASON

on this day today spend your family many signs of your love for them.

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  Holding you close as JASON soars about you...and sends sweet music to remind you that he is truly free now, and will always surround you with his love and spirit. 

Dee:  I guess the snow isn't coming this way (NH), (supposed to be in the 80's this weekend---yes, Kathy, Wahoo!)   but when hubby got up first thing this morning, the outside thermometer read 30 degrees!  I am in fear of my tender flowers, just new to the world, but so far they seem okay. 

Kathleen:  The advice from Dee regarding your job (and life) situation sounds right on, and I can only second all that she said...it is difficult for your parents to understand your grief, and of course, they want to see their daughter happy again, so "moving on" is what their heart is telling them that you should be doing.  As Dee said, though, moving on for us is getting up each day, one day at a time.  I have always found that "moving on" is not what we do anyway, mostly we "move through" our pain and grief.  Moving on, to me, gives the meaning that we are leaving something behind, and our grief is never left behind.  Our days are softer, over time, and that is a blessing, and for now, all that we dare attempt to wrap our minds and hearts around.

love and peace for this day,

carol  mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

JASON JASON JASON....HAVE A SWEET HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY TODAY....IM SURE ALL THE ANGEL GIRLS ARE FLUTTERING ALL AROUND YOU.....RIDING IN THE JEEP...DONT LET KOURTNEYS DRIVE...LOL...

THE BABY IS DOING GREAT DEE....SHE WEIGHS OVER 4 PDS AND SHE HAS TO LEARN TO SUCK AND WHEN SHE DOES THAT SHE CAN GO HOME...BUT IT COULD BE AWHILE...CARLEY WAS PRETTY OUT OF IT YEST...(HAVING C SEC)...BUT SHE TRIED TO SMILE AND BE ALERT...POOR GIRL...BRENT IS JUST WALKING ON AIR AND WE HUGGED HIM AND TOLD HIM WE LOVED HIM, HE IS A GREAT KID NO WONDER KOURTNEY LOVED HIM...

GETTING READY TO GO TO THE GARDEN CLUB FOR AN AWARD FOR KOURTNEYS KLOSET AND A LUNCHEON....WE ARE ALL JUST WEARING OUR "UNIFORMS"...OUR HOT PINK KOURTNEYS KLOSET SHIRTS..AND JEANS...OF COURSE ON THE BACK MINE SAYS "KOURTNEYS MOMMA"..

[Guest]

I'm not sure if I'm catering to my grief or if I'm just lazy.  I began to get busy and ended up sitting in my grieving chair with my laptop....beating myself up for ignoring my chores.  There is heaviness in my heart and the tears lurk just behind the surface.  Threatening to explode in without my consent....an "event" I've become all too familiar with.

I hesitantly give myself permission to "cry".  Knowing the tears will ease some of the "discomfort" but not sure if they will render me useless.  So, I sit in my grieving chair, feeling the pain in my stomach as the two brain cells I seem to have left argue with one another.

Beating myself up for past mistakes.  Huge mistakes.  Telling myself to let it go and get back to today.  Staring at the sky, looking for her.  Grateful I know where she is and I haven't received one of her hysterical phone calls in 8 1/2 months.  Her kids need me.  They NEEDED her.  Anger.  Guilt. 

She NEEDED me.  The thought that I did the best I could with what I had seems like rationalization. 

Right now I'm pretty useless.  I'll just sit and feel it.

I'll be better in a moment....or two.

 

[mikesmomrs]

Sus:  holding you close as you sit and heal, and cry...remember, tears are healing.

love and peace,

carol  mikesmomrs