Loss of an Adult Child

[hotrod]

Happy Birthday Jason

The beautiful  presentation of photos  by Dan is a true representation of your spirit.

Smile on mom and dad today and every day

 

Betty

Stephen'smom

[ethansmuffin]

Dearest BI family

How good to read your postings again - It has been a long time since I have posted - went through a severe dip...but I survived it - and with Circle of Care on the other side I was just so so busy - But I am good now.

Some of your postings have made me laugh yesterday and last night - what a dark week this is for me and my family - what a horrible life we now have - but I also know that it will get better -

Today, 27 October 2008 is Ethan's Angelsdate - not a date I would like to celebrate or even remember, but so much good also happen on this date HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!!!

Marcia - Sorry about your ancle - funky cast!! check your email...Good news!! Little Bethany Leigh arrived!!

Claudia - What a lovely wedding!...every one is so beautiful every little detail very stunning - mouth wateriing snacks....

To everyone else I miss you terribly all of you....I will be back next week with more postings and of course pics of the Princess.

Love and warm greetings to all of you from Namibia

Enid (Ethansmuffin)

[hotrod]

Remembering Ethan on this his angelversary

Betty

Stephen'smom

[mikesmomrs]

Ethan:  Please surround your mom and family with love and signs of your presence today...help them to know that you are happy and flying free!

love and peace,  Carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

[scroll=left]JASON....JASON....JASON[/scroll]

Happy Birthday Jason... Please send lots of love and happy memories to your mom and dad, let them know that you are with them always...send them many signs.

love and peace,  carol mikesmomrs

[briansdad]

I found this quote by Elizabeth Edwards. It hits very close to home.

The wife of former presidential candidate John Edwards told the station that she is busy speaking, writing, and pushing for cancer research. She also spends as much time as she can with her two young children, Jack and Emma Claire. Daughter Cate is in her 20s. The Edwardses' eldest son, Wade, was killed in a car crash in 1996. He was just 16 years old. His death remains the hardest thing his mother has ever had to endure. "Nothing compares to Wade's death," she told WJLA. "No, not even the cancer."

[shorty16]

All My BI Friends

It seems that Mike (who killed my son) cannot stay away from the high school that my son, Aaron attends.

Mike keeps showing up at the high school (he is no longer a student) to torment us in some sick way.

He came to the High School with his girl-friend (a family friend of ours).  I am sick to my stomach.  I am in a daze.  I am sad and sick and want to crawl in a ball and fade away.

Why can't Mike just leave us alone?  I cannot concentrate.  I cannot breath, I cannot speak. 

I want to just crawl into a hole and never come out.  A very dark day today

Colleen

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday Jason, we are saying your name!

 

Thinking of you, Enid and your family today as the one year Angelversary of your dear son, Ethan is upon us.  I am saying his name also.

Thinking of Both Bonnie and her family and Enid and her family.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[4everjoeysmom]

Colleen, I'm so sorry... Hold onto all that you know is Good. It's all we have when we feel so awful... My prayers are with you.

Greg, I agree!

Bonnie, remembering Jason and lifting you up n my thoughts and prayers. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON!

Enid, wrapping you in prayers and love as we remember Ethan. Lord care for this family on this anniversary day that you brought Ethan Home!! xoxoxo

[mysonrich]

On this date Enid of Ethans angelversary may you feel the warmth and support of friends.family, in memory of the life of Ethan.

[heartbeataway]

[align=center]Jason Michael Holloway

October 27th, 1975 – April 28th, 2007

Celebrating you……

We’re celebrating your life today, that’s what birthdays are all about.

Your life mattered.

You were important.

You did so much more than die.

You lived, and your life touched others.

So today, on your birthday, we’re going to focus on the living you.

We’ll lift our arms to feel close to you

We’re going to say your name out loud

We’ll close our eyes and see your smile, remember the twinkle in your eye

We’ll feel your presence in the air and listen for your laughter in the wind.

We’ll visit the mountain where you’re resting.

We’ll look out over the rocks and view the valley through your eyes

Your cross will remind us we’re grieving

We’ll leave you messages as we reflect on our loss.

We’ll seek comfort in the passing clouds

Hear the rustle of leaves as we walk

Birds will soar high, a sign that you’re near

We’ll feel grateful even though you’re not here.

Later, we’ll sit by the campfire

Tell stories, sing songs, reminisce

We’ll talk about your big old heart

How we loved you and how much you’re missed

We’re celebrating you today, the little boy that was.

The man who grew, the love we knew

The spirit you are today.

We won’t forget the life you lived

Your generous nature, your loving smile

Soar high with love, there’s more than enough

We’ll see you again one day

Until then, we’ll be here, a mere heartbeat away.

                                         We love you son today and always,

                                                                            Mom & Dad

“Ask me why I grieve so that I can say his name again.”

[/align]

[shellbellsmom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Jason! Bonnie may you celebrate the precious life of Jason with smiles rather than tears. Your poem to Jason so beautiful and so true………their life did matter, your Jason’s and all our children too.  Thanks for sharing this.

Enid wishing you some peace today…filled with only happy memories of your precious child on this anniversary date of Ethan getting his wings.  Ethan shower your family with signs that you are watching over them from up above. 

Colleen…(((HUGS))). Praying for brighter days ahead for you.

Marcia wishing you a speedy healing of your ankle. 

Take Care everyone, Sue (Michelle’s mother)

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.-- Unknown

[heartbeataway]

Enid,

My warmest thoughts to you on this Ethan's angelversary.  I also owe you an apology.  I thought I had gone back far enough to capture the children for the flag banners and I missed Ethan.

I am so sorry!  I know there will be opportunity to include him as the flags will fly again at a different time and place in the country.

Please forgive me and know it was not intentional.

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[nicksdad]

[hotsauce]

Hello to everyone here that BI.

haven't posted for a while still having a hard time with the depression and panic attachs plus a few other things.

i would like to say Happy Birthday or Happy Angel Day to any one i have missed, sorry.

all  the pictures that i have looked at are beautiful, wedding pictures, halloween dance, the banner are super special.  thank you again Bonnie. Claudia welcome back and you and your husband make a hot couple.

i hope everyone is doing okay?  Marcie, sorry about your ankle, first hiking trip, is it the last?

good week to all.  i hope i got everything, if not sorry.

hope to post when things are going a little better, till them EVERYONE have a great week. 

mary ann

Brian's momdukes

thanks for listing:(

[4everjoeysmom]

Mary Ann, Sending you hugs and hoping you know how very much someone out here cares. You are NOT alone. LOVE AND HUGS!!! ~Claudia

[mikesmomrs]

Mary ann...this is such a difficult journey, and we never know when the pain wil begin to soften...as we all know, it never goes away, but eventually it does begin to soften and we are better able to be open to what life has to offer us...it will never be the same, but it will "be," and that is what our children want for us...for us to just "be" and to be open to the good things that life has to offer, even if only in their memory.  For now, holding you close and sending love and strength to you to help you through these dark days. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Jason Dear, smile on your Mom and Pop for all they are to you, we know that your love for them transends the the space between heaven and earth, as does their love for you. It is always and it is forever. A forever love that started for your Mom before this honorable day of Your Birth. It started the moment she knew you were with her. And for your Dad, this unconditional love started when you were a little tyke. They take you everywhere tucked safely in their giant hearts.

Happy Birthday Sweet Boy Whose Smile is Enough to Cause the Same in Me.

Lovingly,

dee

Bonnie and Rich, oh what a beauty of a day to celebrate the Boy of your dreams.

[ericasmom]

Enid, I am thinking of your fragile heart on this very hard day, and I am praying that Ethan is able to let you feel his peace. It is round and warm and encompassing, holding all of his lovely family inside of it. I know how hard this mark of time can be, so please take time for yourselves as Ethan would want for you.

Mary Ann, I am sorry for the panic that you are feeling these days. I sure wish I could do something about it. Sometimes a walk and a cup of jasmine tea, (the aroma is a joy), can allow some of the worries and sadness a better chance to lighten. I shall pray that you begin to feel a bit better today adn more tomorrow. Are you able to go to a counselor through the village or city? Some townships have a sliding scale for those struggling with bills or without jobs and enable them to seek some social work/therapy. Let us know what we can do to help you feel connected.

Col, I know I have said this before and in no way is it to agitate you...Mike went to the same school and so it is still his old school. If he is going there to purposefuly upset Aaron, that is one thing, but if he is going there as many kids do when they graduate and still have friends in school, well that is an adjustment everyone has to deal with. Why? Because Brian and he hung out and they had that school in common, and he still has friends there, just as Brian still has friends there. I am so sad that the day feels like this to you, that this is upsetting to your family, I just hope that you can release this piece of the situation as there is nothing that one can do about the facts. Brian is probably pretty laid back about this, Mike and he shared the game they played just as they shared the hallways and friends. I love you Col.

Marcia, the foot? how is it today?

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

Love the quote.  I read Elizabeth Edwards book and found it comforting.

It's a sad, dreary rainy day!  I think I was in tears within 15 minutes of getting out of bed.

Thanks to everyone for the sweet wishes for Jason's birthday.  Rich said this morning that Jay's spirit is 34 today. The love shown for this child has been overwhelming and has touched our hearts.

Thank you!

Marcia,

I want to come over and help you!  Love the pink cast!  The next few days are going to be painful. Getting the hang of manipulating on crutches was painful! Hope you're doing better than I did!  I'm so sorry this happened to you!

I'm a little surprised you have a cast so quickly.  I had to wait because the swelling was so bad and ended up in a huge old heavy "walking cast". 

Missed the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade because of it!  Try to keep your spirits up!

[arc4ever]

Colleen, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult, painful time right now.  I wish there were some words I could say to help ease the pain.  I know it must be so difficult for your family and for Aaron who still attends the same high school Brian attended and to have to have the "fear" of constantly running into Mike every time you are there I'm certain is extremely difficult.  I would pray Mike is not going to the school intentionally to hurt you or your family, that doesn't help how you feel when you see him.   It takes all I can muster just to go past Adam's high school, there are so many memories there.  To have to worry about constantly running into the person who was driving the car when Brian passed must be mentally and physically exhausting, painful and just plain awful.  The sad truth of the matter is that Mike may not realize the pain that his current actions cause your family.  He may never figure it out.  Or, one day he may.  You cannot control what this young man does, much as you would like to just scream at him to go away (I'm sure I would if I were you!).  I pray you find some comfort.  I wish I could help more, just know that I care.

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

My warmest thoughts and prayers on Jason's birthday.  May you feel Jason's love in all that you do - always.

[align=center]Jason![/align]

[align=center]Jason ![/align]

[align=center]Jason  ![/align]

[align=center]Jason   ![/align]

Love, Terrie (Adam's mom) 

[arc4ever]

Enid,

Prayers of love on Ethan's angel date.

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[zachysmom]

Life just keeps getting better and better in my house:( yes i'm being sarcastic.

I had a doctors' appointment this morning to go over bloodwork I had done 3 weeks ago. I am now having to moniter my blood sugars. My fasting blood sugar was 111 which I know is not high but I have a long family history of diabetics on both sides. then i also get hit with high cholesterol. When I mentioned to my Dr. that I have been having chest pains as well she immediately scheduled me for an echocardiogram and a stress test. the echo got done today at 12 and the stress test i go for at 9 am tomorrow. My Dr doesn't have a wait and see attitude and I know better than to argue with her. Plus I don't want to put my family throuh any more than we have been through.

[mpsmom]

                          Happy 34th birthday Jason  !!!!!

Shine down on you Mom and Dad today as you did at the Pinnacle Days Celebration of your life.   

Jason  Jason Jason.....Jason Jason Jason...

I have heard so much about you, I can't wait to finally meet you one day.

Love you Bonnie & Rich

Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

Enid, I have been thinking of you all week, knowing that Ethan's angel date was quickly approaching.  Hold each other close through this stormy dark day, Ethans life was so much more than this one day.

I cant wait to see little Bethany Leighs pictures, this is the greatest gift you and your sweet sister could have every given to me...............Now I will absolutely have to travel to your country to meet this little angel named for my angel girl.

I did not receive an email from you and I also tried to email to you from an old email  by replying to you, and the emails kept coming back to me.. please PM me your new email address. 

My love to you and your family,  

Marcia   Bethany Jenea's Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

CRUMB !! I Just lost a really long post thanking everyone for their warm wishes, will try to duplicate it later in the day...Love you all, thanks you for being there for me. Ankle hurts like heck, 

Hugs, Marcia  Bethanys Mom Forever

[mikesmum]

One mother faces an angelversary another the birth date of her precious boy.

Enid and Bonnie - thoughts with your both.  Your boys carried in your hearts everyday.

Marcia - I knew physical exercise wasn't good for you!  Hope your recovery is swift and painless.  Love the pink cast and the accessorising.

Colleen - my heart aches for you knowing the pain it causes you and yours to see Mike still here.  I don't believe you want harm to come to him - but to see him reminds you that Brian is gone...a hard enough to face on better days.

I found this while roaming the net.  Its an exerp the whole post is http://www.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=forum&mem_id=-1&page_no=5

"The excruciating and isolating reality that bereaved parents feel is hermetically sealed from the nature of any other human experience. we have moved to an emotional place where it is often very difficult to reach us. Our attempts to be normal are painful and the day to day carries a silent, screaming anguish that accompanies us, sometimes from moment to moment.

[align=left]The gap between those who have lost children and those who have not is profoundly difficult to bridge. No one whose children are well and intact, can be expected to understand what parents who have lost children have absorbed, what they bear. [/align]

[align=left]Our children now come to us through every blade of grass, every crack in the sidewalk, every bowl of breakfast cereal, every kid on a scooter. We seek contact with their atoms-their hairbrushes, toothbrushes, their clothing. We reach out for what was integrally woven into the fabric of our lives, now torn and shredded. A black hole has been blown through our soles and, indeed, it often does not allow the light to escape. It is a difficult place."[/align]

 

[lolynbo]

MARCIA IM GONNA NEED YOU TO BEEF UP YOUR "ANKLE STORY"...LETS SAY " YA I WAS TAKEN A SWEET JUMP ON MY DIRT BIKE , AND I CROSSED UP.......AND CAME DOWN TOTALLY TRASHED IT MAN"....OK STEAD OF...I WAS HIKING IN TENNIS SHOES...."

SEE THE DIFF...

[daveydow1]

Enid---Thinking of you today.....Dear Ethan's Angel Day.

May your memories of him warm & comfort your heart. Peace, friend.

 

           HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JASON ! 

 

 

[summergirl]

Trudi - what beautiful, so true words. Thank you for posting them, I have printed them out for my BI journal.

Maryanne, I am so sorry for the depression and anxiety attacks that you are suffering from - believe me it is not uncommom - I have been through both and still have a panic attack every now and then. I went to a doctor who taught me how to control the panic attacks but I also take medication for them. I take a Lexapro once a day and xanax twice a day - small dosages but they keep me leveled out - I hope someday to be off of them but I will do what is necessary for now. I hope that you can find some peace, some light to shine through on you. I once asked myself "would Jessica want me to continue on like this, would she be happy knowing I am not living for her"???  The answer is no, she would be kicking my butt. It will never go away my friend but as it is said over and over, the day will come when you will find yourself smiling and living life again - not the same life but a life nontheless. We are all here and if there is anything I can do please just ask, you can PM me if you would like.

Lorri - I like your version of the "broken ankle" alot !!!!!

 

 

Enid - my thoughts are with you on this "Ethan's Angelversary" - so diffacult to bare. Always here, always listening, always praying.

ETHAN, ETHAN, ETHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON - HOW LOVED YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

JASON, JASON, JASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Always with you all, Kathy

 

[ericasmom]

JASON-JASON-JASON

Now that I am home, I can make big colorful letters to say your name...

And your name too, Ethan.

ETHAN-ETHAN-ETHAN

As dear Trud said, one day brought us this sweet Angel while the same day saw the loss of this other sweet Angel. May you all remember your Dearest Boys in the light of their devotion and love.

Trudi, a great description of the ache that we all know. Thanks for sharing. It was good to see Mike's face smiling out at us.

Peace,

dee

[ericasmom]

Ditto on the good story on the broken ankle by Lori, and Terrie, love that photo of Adam. Love it. It seems to capture who I have come to know through you.

dee

[briansdad]

Ethan,

May your family feel your love on this day.

[briansdad]

Bonnie, Rich

Happy birthday to Jason in heaven.

[heartbeataway]

My precious friends,

Thank you from the depths of my heart for remembering Jason's birthday!

I got up this morning, made a cup of tea and sat down at my computer.  I saw the amazing picture that Dan posted and the tears started.  I read the messages and my heart burst with "humble".

I received a phone call from his best friends and "brother" and he could hardly talk he was so emotionally.

Then his friend who still works for the company called and wanted Rich and I to go to dinner.  We went and toasted Jay's life.

Home again to more phone calls and messages ......

Absolutely overwhelmed! 

Our boy lived and he's remembered ...... folks are saying his name ..... we are blessed!

[align=center]Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

[/align]Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[lolynbo]

JASON JASON JASON, LOVE YOUR SMILE THE SMILE IN YOUR EYES...RIDEN IN YOUR JEEP AND JUMPIN AND RIDING HIGH FOREVER

[ericasmom]

WOW! Greg that song with the photos of Jas are a gorgeous tribute to a Boy/Man whose smile lights up our lives. Perfectly beautiful.

Peace to All and hopes for great dreams

[zachysmom]

Hi all I have gotten pretty much all the bugs worked out of the site.

http://www.zachariahnesbitt.com

[4everjoeysmom]

The photographer's shot of the table...

[tanmanmymagicman]

I love IT....I printed it out and put it on my bulletin board ;;;my Kayla will hopefully get married in the near future and what a great idea....I love the frame; flowers; setting; also Claudia your pictures were definite Kodak moments.........; thank you........

Cindy; Tanner's Mama Gama;

Oh and Mr. Monster Mash Man....yes you brought smiles with your cute video....I am still thinking of it today.....you are so creative............; what a blessing this site....

My favorite poem....

Grief never ends,

But it changes,

Its a passage,

Not a place to stay

The sense of loss Must give way

If we're to value

The life that was lived;

Grief is not a sign of weakness, Nor lack of faith;

It is the price of Love

Well and I love my Tanner Joseph Houk:)Forever and neverending;

[tanmanmymagicman]

Colleen; just remember you can't control Mike......you just have to as hard as it is to get a grip ;You know you can only control you and how you react.....(well maybe we can't control ourselves) we are pretty insane these days; just alittle humor; any way I don't want you to ruin your health; Are you going to Let Mike take more from you.......He has already taken your Brian; (not on purpose) but it was stupied what he did!!!!! he should be very remoseful; that I don't understand??????????

If he was respectable ; he would care about how you felt; and stay away;although he will never understand...........He is probably mad because he went to Jail............; You did not send him there ; right????? the Judge did...........

I know how I feel; its called rage; something we can't help....We turn into animals protecting their young; We can't control our emontions, sometimes I say things that I am sure people think ; poor Tanner's mom ; she really has lost it.....Think I care .....Nawwwww.......not at all........Just take care of you; be careful what you do and say around your kids; even though we are slow in moving on ; we hope are kids are dealing with it and moving on the best they can.....I worry about my Kayla; so I am very careful how and what I say around her.....I am pretty positive around her;

Just thinking of you. and sorry for missing Jason's bD and everyone else's ; everyone been so good to me these first 2 years....... I just can't keep up with everyone here; just being honest; with my new notary career and my mind  these days; its all I can do to keep up with my new career that God blessed me with.......

Marcia, so sorry about your ankle; me too; stepped in a pot hole in the road; off work for 3 weeks ; then worked 1/2 days for 3 weeks; Lots of Pain....that was about 5 years ago; its still bigger than the other one but it is just fine and healed fine ;

.This is more than I have wrote in awhile ; I am just obessed at not being ALONE with this grief and loss;

How do you alll sleep?????????????? I know I ask that everytime.....I am up everynight NO SLEEP; wake up with a headache.......but still can make it through the day and do not feel tired....maybe I just don't need much; maybe just a few hrs a night; I am older now....Blessings to all; Bonnie; Colleen ; thank you for my Tanner's banner; I cried; it hurts right in the heart................................................................Because I love him MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!than ever......

[mikesmum]

Hey Tanners mom - check the times that we post....there is almost always someone in the early hours or late late night here, looking if not posting...its where we find our 'new normal'......Beautiful boy!

[tanmanmymagicman]

Yep; you are so right; our new normal; with our new friends that understand us.....that we are not normal.lol.....Cindy; Tanner's Mom;

[4everjoeysmom]

Cindy, Thanks! I found the frame at Target! And I made the candle sconce with just a plain glass candle cup, two different colors of sand, and a tea light. The flowers on the table I put there after the ceremony. They were my mother-of the-groom bouquet. I also wrote a poem, that is lying flat, framed in glass (also from Target) that cannot be seen in this photo. I've attached a separate photo of that for you to see...

Love and Hugs from one insomniac (tonight anyway) to another!

[mikesmomrs]

Claudia:  loved the poem...so special...the love jumps off the page...

Trudi:  SO happy to see Mike's smiling face again...hope all is well...

Beth:  I am sorry to hear of your possible medical problems...praying all goes well with you...

Yes, there are usually some late night posters here...insomnia...restlessness, whatever...our new normal...it is what it is...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[cameronsmom1]

First I want to thank you Bonnie for including my Angel. Tears fell when I saw that banner. I soon hope to get to make my own and have it there for next year. It looks like you had a great turn out and you and Colleen must of had a great time.

Marcia, so sorry about your ankle. So much for an easy hike huh!! You should definitely use Lorri's story!! Hope you get to feeling better. Just take it easy and enjoy the down time.

I love all the pics that have been posted. I wish I had some more of Brayden but am just lucky to have the one I got. Just an update on things, I went for my non stress test yesterday and everything looks great, I was even having some contractions. I also think I started losing my plug last night. Could be soon!!!

[lolynbo]

YA A BABY SOON....CANT WAIT TO SEE HIM.  HAHAHAHA YAL IGET TO KISS HIM B4 YAL DO.....ITS SO HARD FOR ME TO HOLD BABIES AND KISS EM, I ALMOST FEEL MEAN...

I THOUGHT ID BE A GRANNY BY NOW:(

[cameronsmom1]

Lorri, I know its nowhere near the same but I would love for you to take Ashton in as your own. You can never have too many grandma's!!

[hotsauce]

good morning to all the members here at BI.  hope you are having a good day.

CLAUDAI, CAROL, DEE, KATHY,  thank you all for the words of comfort, almost starting to feel human.  have enough medicine to open a drug store. 

thank you one and all

mary ann

Brian's momdukes