Loss of an Adult Child

[hotrod]

Good Evening Everyone, 

 

 Thank You so much for sharing your "little room"  experiences.  I was truly touched and shed a few tears . 

 

Bonnie,  What a beautiful experience at your Dad's bedside .  So very profound.  Please take good care of yourself. Praying for Good weather this weekend

 

Carol: Your meeting with the medium was very impressive as was your grandson's response to his parking ticket. 

 

Good Night Everyone

 

Betty

Stephen's mom

[mikesmomrs]

All of the stories of the "little room" have been so heartbreaking...the memories are part of us, though, no matter how long we may live, those memories will always stand out.  I didn't have to do the "little room," as Mike went into hospice here at home.  Our "room" was the ER, when they told us Mike had a brain tumor...the nightmare that we all are familiar with, began.  

I am glad that we also all have wonderful, good memories of our children, as well, to keep our heart beating and keep the breath coming in and going out for those times when all we want for it to do is stop...

Bonnie, my heart goes out to you for your jounrey to your dad's bedside...painful though it was, I am glad you got the chance to experience the time of your dad's talking to your beautiful Jason...I remember your saying that your dad was a sort of hero to Jason, so naturally, Jay would be the one to come help your dad cross over.  I pray your dad to "go home" soon and peacefully. 

Lorri:  Thank you for sharing that picture of Kourt, and telling us of your laughs with her...they will stay in your heart forever, helping to push the life-draining sadness away for another day. 

Love and peace to all, Carol  mikesmomrs

 

[mikesmomrs]

We got to spend the whole afternoon with Damon, Mike's youngest, today, and what a day it was....he does not know what "Nana can't do that anymore" means...he just wants to go, play soccer, build up piles of leaves and jump in them and build them up again...and of course, the soccer ball almost always goes out into the street, so guess who has to run after it...of course, the nana who he thinks can still do everything!!  We had fun, though, and his little eyes just couldn't stay open on the way home, and he fell into the sleep of a child who knows nothing of old muscles and bones...

He has learned to spell his name, and wrote this in chalk on a tree root by my chair in the yard...

He is wearing Mike's boy scout hat...and never took it off the whole time he was here :-)

[mysonrich]

Good Bonnie, the banner made it to you. For some reason I almost addressed the package to Ky, don't know what I was thinking. There was a couple things I missed, like fishing on the ocean and racing in Dover and ATCO, it was very emotional. THe woman that helped me with the design, very compassionate. When I picked it up we both cried. She also made a "mistake". SHe " forgot" to add the grommet' to one banner. That banner was on the house so I have one here as well and will share with Rich's sister and anyone that will listen and look as I speak of Jason  and all our kids at Pinnaclele Days as I imagine, flutter in the breeze.

I have little of Richs clothing and when you first came out with the banner idea I had to deal with anger yet again but I said, screw it, this is for Rich. And thank you Bonnie, I hope I made him proud as I made this in his memeory and let go of anger towards others. What I Know was in his heart and can never be taken away from me.

Terrie, DEE, Lorrie....little rooms s**k.

Betsy,mysonRich

[nicksdad]

The stories about the "little room" are so touching. Tried to type ours but can't do it...

Still got a job to start tonight that I have no finish and if somehow we get done early enough on Friday (and it works) I will be driving to Pinnacle Days.

[ericasmom]

Dan, I know it took me some time before I could share the little room story and six years later it still brings me to my knees. Husband said that the other day when he was sewing the pieces that I glued in place on the banner, her looked at her face and said, " how could she be gone?"

Bonnie, I am so afraid that my flag is at someone else's house, the FedEx site showed John that it was delivered to a side door. If I messed up on the address, John the garden gnome will have my head.

[ericasmom]

Trudi Dear, are you okay Sweetie? Is there news?

Love,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

It was outside the garage door on the side of the house!

Eri had dread locks!  I love it! 

I don't think you could have captured Eri's personality any better!  It's unique and sweet and I love it!

I love that it's so different yet has so much personality!  It is so perfect! 

Good job guys!

I have several flags to try and put together today ....... along with about a 100 other things ........ but where there's a will theres a way. The kids will all be together!

Thanks to you and the sweetest, cutest garden gnome around.

Love!

[shellbellsmom]

Bonnie it brought tears to my eyes visioning you father seeing your Jason and welcoming him home.  I hope his transition is peaceful and painfree.  My grandmother did the same thing shortly before she passed away.  She was talking with her husband who had died over 40 years before.  It shocked us but also gave us a sense of peace knowing she was going home and they would be together again soon. 

Wishing wonderful weather for Pinnacle Days this weekend.  This sounds like a wonderful project you have all done together that will be a beautiful tribute to your children.  I can’t wait to see the pictures of them all waving in the wind…

Getting together with some friends from my college days this evening.  Some I haven’t seen in over 30 years.  We all reconnected being on Facebook and have been planning this get together for months now.  Need to get prepared to put on my “happy face” tonight.  The face where you pretend everything in life is good….even though a part of you really isn’t.

Wishing everyone some peace today.  Sue (Michelle's Mom)

[ericasmom]

OH BONNIE< i wept when you said you received my flag, She is safe in your hands. I wept and was so grateful to you for thinking of this in the first place, and the Garden Gnome is pleased as well, as he felt involved in this project as well.

Here is to hoping for glorious weather for your big weekend, may the sun shine on you and warm you with thoughts, and music, and memories of Jason. And may your Pops travel seamlessly from this place to the next on the wings of the Boy who held him on high. May Peace fill you as you feel your Son at work.

Carol, Damon seems the picture of his Daddy and wearing his hat too. He is a doll and of course he does not know what Grandma can't do anymore, becuase you' keep on keepin on' Carol. 'Truckin' Wasn't it last winter when you went sledding all day long and this last summer when you were at teh beach. I bet those Kids say, "I have the coolest Grammy, she doesn't stop!" Meanwhile, your legs are up with an icepack on the knee and a blanket on you as you nurse the day's injuries. You are a wonder for the Kids, you make a huge difference in their lives.

Sue, I do hope that you will be able to have a great time, with or without the mask. Sometimes, we find that we can lower the mask for a bit of time when we are out, depending on who is at the table. Let's hope that these people have the strength it takes to face what the reality in your life has been. You needn't apologize if tears fall, you are not bringing people down, you are simply letting them know what you have been up to. We cannot apologize for that which we had no control, and we also cannot feel responsible for the reactions of others. What I have found helpful when someone asks how my kids are, (those that did not know Eri was killed), I say, "Jon is good but we lost Erica in 2003 in an accident, and it has been devastating but we are all trying to learn how to live again." If they ask questions, I feel comfy answering them, it they don't, well they are aware of our situation and that is enough.

good luck,

dee

PS Betsy, you are sure right, little rooms do indeed suck.

[heartbeataway]

Dan,

I sure hope you get done in time.  The band is going to play rain or shine.

The Cove is at :  980 Cove Rd, Gore, VA  22637 

The phone is:  540-858-2882

I received the shirts this morning, they exceeded my expectations!  Very cool!

Colleen comes in late tonight and we will pick her up at her hotel in the morning and head to The Cove.

 

We are having a tent set up in the morning just to make sure there is enough shelter in case that dreaded rain visits.  I figure if we spend the extra money and are prepared for rain it won't happen ...... and I actually hope I'm right!

Dad is continuing to weaken ...... bless his sweet soul.

Rich is out picking up the motor home.  We drop the dogs off for boarding later.  We were going to take them but if it might rain we don't need three wet dogs in the RV with us! ;)We're almost ready! 

My emotions are "close to the surface".  I hope that changes and I don't cry all weekend. I still didn't sleep well last night so I'm tired too.

Well, I'm going to make my chili for the cook-off tomorrow night.  

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[hotrod]

^Bonnie,

 ^{I am sure you and Rich are exhausted after such a week. I just wanted to say "Thank You" for all the efforts you made to include us in your Pinncale Day celebration for your beautiful son, Jason.} 

 ^{Your heartfelt description of each Flag as it arrived warmed my heat and ofter  brought a tear.  I am looking forward to the pictures.}

^{Try to Rest. I  bet that Chili will be delicious.}

^{Praying for your Dad and  that the weather will hold .}

^Betty

^Stephen'sMom

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, you are in a whirlwind of activity, and the emotions being close to the surface, how couldn't they be? Part of that is what will drive you forward into this wonderful tribute weekend. He stands with you, sitting on your shoulder, whispering, " I am so proud of you Mom."

[hotsauce]

BONNIE,   i hope the weather for your Pinnacle Days are clear and dry.  i only wished i could have come.  i am sure Jason will be there holding you close.

you sure have been a busy lady,  i hope all the banners make it to your house and look special  flying in the breeze.

I am sorry about your father, i pray that all goes well.  it is a shame this has to happen now.

thank you again for letting us send our children, please take care of them and yourself and family.

by the way have F U N .

 

mary ann

Brian's momdukes

 

[ericasmom]

Each time I finish a parent conference, I come on line to see you guys.

I told you a few weeks ago, or maybe a month ago, that a young man by the name of Christopher died from a sudden illness that attacked his heart. His Momma's cousin, Janice is in the writing group I am in. Janice and I had spent the saturday morning he died, together in our writing group. We had shed tears as what I wrote was a piece called JULY and it was all about what July is to us now. July being the month that we lost our Girl. So unbenounced to us, Janice's dear cousin Diane, lost her 21 year old.

Janice emailed me the next day and told me, and asked if she could pass along my name and email so that her cousin could possible reach out to someone who knows. I said what any of us would say.

It was at about the 2 week mark that Diane wrote to me the first time. I have now talked on line with her about 4 times, she apologizes each time as though she is bothering me. She of course is not. She is a lovely woma who is struggling so much, as we all know, to just find a reason to be here. Please pray for Diane and her family. I hope that one day she wil come here to read and hopefully feel comfortable to share. We all know what we have been able to feel since coming here. In the safety of our sisters and brothers.

love,

dee

[hotrod]

Hi Dee

Diane will be in my prayers this evening.  She is very fortunate to be able to have a connection with you,  The compassion, wisdom and insight you provide to all  here is profound.

I do pray that Diane finds the courage to venture here .  I know it took many many months of my just visiting the site before I registred and posted.

Hope everyone has a Blessed Day

Betty Stephen'smom

[heartbeataway]

One last thing about the flag banners.

Some of you sent sweet notes explaining the items you put on the banners.  I'm going to print them off and put them in a binder to share.

If anyone else would like to do that, send them to my personal email:

luckyladyb@verizon.net

Picture was taken when we visited Dad.

[cameronsmom1]

Just an update for everyone, my baby has started dropping and getting in position!!! I can finally breath again!!! YAY

[mpsmom]

Amanda

[align=center]YEAH !!!!!!!!!!!![/align]

[hotrod]

Bonnie What a precious picture of you and Dad.  It is definately a keeper.

Amanda:  Great news.

Betty

Stephen'smom

PS I always love to write "Stephen'smom".  For so so many years THAT Was MY NAME.  Now I never hear that name and am so pleased to have the title here.

Little Victories

[daveydow1]

MaryAnn---Sorry to know you are having such a painful time of it, and

just know that you are in my thoughts & prayers. Peace to you.

Terrie---Oh how very horrible that such a terrible thing happened to

sweet Misty. I am praying hard for her family and for the peaceful rest

and repose of her little white soul. I'm so sorry.

Betty---Oh, I know how you yearn for those dreams, and just hold on for

the hope that we will get to see our beloved children in those dreams. I

too, hope that you will soon see Stephen in your dreams. (our David's middle

name was Stephen...same spelling as your dear son.)......Peace & comfort.

Beth----Such a darling pic of little Zach  "driving".  He certainly is a cute little

guy. Prayers & comfort, friend.

Bonnie----I also, wish for a peaceful transition for your dear Dad. It so brings

back memories of when my own sweet dad passed (at home) in '94. As a nurse,

I know of many people who would be agitated and see & call out to loved ones

when the time to go into heaven approaches. Prayers also for his peaceful

passing. God bless him.

       Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[ericasmom]

Bonnie, the photos is very special. Your heart is showing and so is your Dad's.

Stephens'mom, you will always have that name, that lovely name. thanks for your lovely words. My heart.

Dee

[summergirl]

I am sooooooo out of touch with every one, I do not know where to begin. It has been an awful week, my laptop got a virus and waiting for it to come home to me. I have spent two days trying to get onto BI as it kept telling me I had the wrong password!!!! I am using the desktop computer and hate it but it gets me here so I am happy for that. Work has been crazy - they are letting some people go and one is a friend of mine - she did not pass her civil service test so they are the first ones to be let go - I feel so bad for her.   

I am missing my Jessica so much.

I am missing all of you so much - I need to come here every day or I find myself lost and then get behind in the postings and feel like I am letting someone down by not responding to them  ----   oh my gosh I am being so whiney !!!  but at least I can be whiney with all of you and it's ok.

Anyway, I have the weekend to myself so I am going to get caught up with all of you.

I really need to get some sleep I guess and maybe tomorrow will be brighter.

Love and peace to all - Kathy

[heartbeataway]

Good Morning,

Just finished stringing the banners and putting the notebook together. They are amazing!

Such a touching tribute to our children!

Still praying that the rain passes us by ...... please rain, pass us by!

It's going to be a good weekend regardless of the weather!  Pinnacle Days here I come!

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[mysonrich]

Bonnie, can I be a pain in the butt and add a note to the notebook?

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[heartbeataway]

Absolutely, send it to my private email:  luckyladyb@verizon.net

I'll check it again before we leave to pick up Miss Colleen!

My butt's just fine ....... no pain!  :shock:

[lostwoher]

Here is something I wish for everyone today, tomorrow and always: ( hope it works)

http://tv.popcrunch.com/oprah-flash-mob-dance-black-eyed-peas-i-gotta-feeling-video/

Lynn aka Kayla and Travis's mom

[ericasmom]

Have a most beautiful time Bonnie Dear, a time that makes your heart glad and proud.

love,

dee

ps. hey Colleen

Prayer, oh rain just hold off some, for another few days and let there unity on the mountain. Let the mountain be filled with smiles, let the mountain be scrubbed in sunshine like the Man named Jason

[zachysmom]

I have let my angel down again I just couldn't finish his flag I was just to weak.

[heartbeataway]

No worries...... Zach had a flag banner! 

I'm leaving to go get Colleen now ....... talk to you guys again on Sunday.

Thanks for the prayer Sweet Dee ......

[ericasmom]

Don't mistake grief for weakness, in fact those of us who are made to travel this horrific time, are quite strong. The evidence is that you are up and getting the day on, you are not weak Sweetie, you are devastated, and one day some of the pieces of your shattered heart will begin to fit together again and you will see how strong you really are.

Blessings,

dee

[cameronsmom1]

Bonnie, I so wish I could have made a flag for Brayden but I definitely plan on it next year and if I wasn't about to pop I would be there. I am planning on getting to come next year. I think we should all try to make it. It would be so great to get to share this with you Bonnie. I hope you all have a great time. Give Colleen a big hug for us and know we are with you in spirit.

Amanda

[mikesmomrs]

Amanda:  I am so glad to hear that your little one is getting ready to shine his little light on everyone, and that you sound so happy and excited...Bonnie has probably already left, but more than likely, she also made a flag for Brayden..like all of us, she understood that for some it was just not something that they could do right now, for one very good reason or another...you are doing one of the best, most important jobs there is to do...you are creating another life...to shine in this world, to bring light and joy into this world, to bring love into this world...and Brayden and any other of the children here all are very proud of us for what we do get done and very understanding for what we can't... 

Beth:  I don't think there are many this short a distance out from losing our sweet child who could have gathered themselves together to get a flag done...sometimes it is just too painful to sort thorugh those memories and we simply have to do the best we can...as Dee said, sometimes that "best" is simply getting up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other...or not...whatever our hearts will let us do for that day.  I can remember days when success for me was actually brushing my teeth.  Your sweet Zachy is represented, Beth, here, there and all around...his energy is everywhere...it takes us a while to realize all of that, to keep realizing it every moment...know that we are all here for you Beth...always...

Kathy:  Please don't feel badly about not "replying" or thinking that you are not "keeping up"...we know you are keeping up with reading our posts, hearing our children's names spoken, speaking our children's names when you can, and we know that sometimes it is just not possible to post or acknowledge someone's post...it is not necessary to do that all the time...we are just happy to hear from everyone that they are doing okay, or if they are not, then we are glad to be here for them, happy to help them when we can, knowing that they will be helping us when we need it.  I hope that you are able to rest this weekend...I know you miss Tavian when he is not there, but sometimes you need to have those days to reenergize yourself...I love having my grandkids here, but when their stay extends into an overnighter, I am exhausted by the time they leave to go home...I can't even imagine being responsible for them 24/7, with all of their activities, needs, etc.  You are an amazing woman, Kathy, and are doing a wonderful job with Tavian...Jessica is so very proud if you...and so are we. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

Betty:  I like the fact, too, that here I can be "Mikes mom" every time I sign my name here...being Mike's mom, being Stephen's mom, being the mom of our child, will always be our title...being here allows us to use it every time we sign off a post. 

[cameronsmom1]

Carol, thank you so much. You brought tears to my eyes. I know that you are right and our angels are very proud of us for everything we've done. It's funny because I was at the doctor the other day and I have stretch marks around my belly button and the nurse noticed and was like it looks like there is a handprint on your stomach, someone must be protecting that baby. I had never noticed it before but she was right. It does look like a handprint and I know that Brayden is protecting his baby brother.

Amanda

[shellbellsmom]

Lynn thanks for sharing the uplifting video….needed that one today.

Bonnie what a wonderful picture of you and your father….so sorry for your pain.

 

Hello Amanda…wishing you comfortable days and good restful nights during the last few weeks before your baby’s birth.

For everyone who is able to attend Pinnacle Days wishing you a wonderful day where you can strengthen the bond you share together and enjoy a beautiful day sharing the lives of your children. 

Last night I visited with friends from my past.  We shared laughs and stories when life for me was far less complicated and when my heart was still whole.  I shared my story briefly with a few friends who had not heard of my child’s death and told them how devastating her death was…but my husband and I are doing what we can to try and put our lives back together again (Good advice from Dee) and then tried to end on a happy note. So for the most part I was able to compose myself without tears…and share stories too of my children.  But I won’t lie…I couldn’t help myself and be somewhat jealous at the others who have whole families and very happy lives.  I  know this will too pass….and it’s just a normal feeling most of us have experienced before.  Just kind of wanted to have my old life back again. 

Take care everyone, Suzanne

[ericasmom]

Sue, I am so glad that ayou were able to go out adn share your night with others. I am also happy that you were able to allow others to hear about Shell's death. It does take strength and I believe it helps build a bridge in our heart, never closing the hole, but allowing yourself safe passage over that hole.

Carol, you are so right about Zachy's Mom, it being so soon after losing Zach to produce a representative piece about him. Give yourself some time, a year and see if you can make one then, and if so...great, if not, no worries. Just like our little room at the hospital stories, if folks are not able to share those now, it could be that they will feel like doing so later, right now, it is too close.

It is when we can that makes it the right time.

Amanda, enjoy this time of anticipation. I love the stretch mark story.

May our friends on the mountain be joining as we write.

dee

[arc4ever]

Thank you Bonnie for all the work you have done.

We will be thinking of you and I wish we could have joined you for Pinnacle Days.  Have a blessed day and thank you thank you thank you.

Zach's mom - honey please don't think you are weak.  We do what we can when we can and if we are not able that's okay. 

My husband's cousin's daughter's funeral is tomorrow (Misty Carter).   Keep her parents in your thoughts.  I spoke with another cousin today and asked him to send a special message to Misty's dad tomorrow as we could not make it to the funeral.  They live in North Carolina.  Misty's dad is doing pretty badly.  As I am sure you all understand. 

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[briansdad]

[user=20130]arc4ever[/user] wrote:

Thank you Bonnie for all the work you have done.

We will be thinking of you and I wish we could have joined you for Pinnacle Days.  Have a blessed day and thank you thank you thank you.

Zach's mom - honey please don't think you are weak.  We do what we can when we can and if we are not able that's okay. 

My husband's cousin's daughter's funeral is tomorrow (Misty Carter).   Keep her parents in your thoughts.  I spoke with another cousin today and asked him to send a special message to Misty's dad tomorrow as we could not make it to the funeral.  They live in North Carolina.  Misty's dad is doing pretty badly.  As I am sure you all understand. 

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

Terrie,

I you get a chance, let him know that he's free to e-mail me any time. If he wants to let me know and I'll PM you my address.

Greg

[lolynbo]

WELL IM  HOME FROM OKC...TOOK MY CAR TOT HE BMW PLACE TO HAVE MY BMW ASSIST ACTIVATED (IVE HAD IT A YR AND NEVER HAD IT DONE) KINDA LIKE ONSTAR....ANYWAYS STAYED THE NIGHT WITH KIMBERLY AND CODY AND MY GRANDDAUWGS...WENT TO THE HAUNTED HOUSE (OH MY GOSH KIMBELRY RODE ME LIKE A TURTLE) KINDA SCARRY...SHOPPED A LIL AT THE MALL AND THEN THIS MORNING B4 I LEFT WENT TO WALMART AND BOUGHT KIMBELRY SOME CLEANING SUPPLIES AND SOME PLASTIC TOTES TO GET ORGANIZED WITH...BUT MY CAR WAS NOT DONE SO I BROUGHT THE LOANER ONE HOME ....SO NOW THEY CALL AND TELL ME ITS READY....GUESS I WILL GO BACK TOM...

KIMBERLY AND I SAW A DOGGIE COULD HEAR ITS TAGS JIGGLING...WELL THIS MORNING IT WAS DEAD IN THE HIGHWAY...I JUST HATE THAT SOMEONES LIL DOGGIE...WE WERE GOING TO  GET IT BUT IT WAS COLD AND DARK...AND WE DIDNT NO IF HE WOULD BITE...WISH WE'D TRIED IT NOW...

AND MY I ADD, IM SO TIRED OF PPL ACTING LIKE I SHOULD BE FINE NOW...SOOOO SICK OF IT...LIKE KOURTNEY NEVER EXICSTED.....(KISS MY GRITS PPL)...

AND COAND I WERE EATING BREAKFAST THIS MORN AT AN OLD CAFE' AND IN THERE WAS A WELL KNOWN BAND CALLED "THE FLAMING LIPS" (THEIR LIPS WERE NOT ON FIRE) BUT IDK THERE MUSIC BUT CODY SAID THEY ARE PRETTY FAMOUS....

WELL GOT LOTS OF LAUNDRY TO DO ...BE BLESSED

[arc4ever]

Thank you Greg, I don't know if Misty's dad has internet of what their situation is at this time, but I will make sure to pass along to him your offer.  I feel so bad we really considered making the drive assuming the funeral wouldn't be until Monday (I wasn't sure when they released her to her parents), then found out this morning that the funeral is tomorrow.

Found a wonderful florist shop in their small town, such a nice woman who knew the family and listened to me while I cried and explaned EXACTLY how I wanted our card to read.  We still sign Adam's name to all of our correspondence, we just draw a halo over the A in his name.  It is important to us and I make sure to let people know so that when we send flowers or gifts that they get it right.

Paul will call his cousin this week and I can find out something maybe then.  Thanks again,  take care,

Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[arc4ever]

Hope everyone is feeling well.  Me, screaming headache all day today since the moment I opened my eyes (which by the way I have woke up suddenly at about 3AM every night this week and basically not fallen completely back to sleep then its time to get up.  I'm about tired.  This is happening even though I am on 10 mg of Ambien.  (Of course the raging night sweats are waking me up from a sound sleep - that's not helping at all!).

Anybody got some good answers, I forget someone may have mentioned something before but I totally forget if it was on BI or just friends talking.

I'm going to go get under my sheet, turn the fan blowing directly towards me and TRY not to roast alive.  This is SO NOT ME. I'm the one that's cole all the time!  What the heck happend in these last three weeks???  And if my thoughts of menopause are correct, I don't want to go to the doctor unless I know there is a test that will show something (no not menopause; yes, beginning stages; etc. and maybe some helpful advice)

Sorry for ranting about the girly stuff it is just getting irritating, and I'm not sleeping and I don't know how to dress for these heat flashes as I have always been cold so all of my clothes are layer-type shirts, etc and scarves and I have no lightweight shirts, etc.  And I seriously don't want to spend any money shopping for clothes.

Alright, now I'm done,  take care everyone and blessed evening and beautiful dreams of our angels (If they have the time they may be a bit busy helping settle things and surround Pinnnacle Days with love this weekend).  I guess I can forgive if I am overlooked by Adam this weekened, (smile!)  he is with all our angels helping  to make Pinnacle Days a wonderful event.

Love to all, goodnite,

Terrie (Adam's mom)

[ericasmom]

Terrie, I read the online article about Misty, and I am so sorry for her family, for her to die in this manner. This week has been filled with similar news. I just don't understand how one can do this to another...so very wrong. HOw nice Greg, for you to reach out as you are. It would be good for Misty's Dad to be able to talk with you.

Now as far as hot flashes and waking in the night, OH MY GOODNESS> I started this on and off for a while a few years ago, and I thought, well this isn't so bad. Then last April came and I began to sympathize with food that we put in the oven. I suddenly understood what it meant to bake. I always have had sleep issues, but they do increase with the flashes. Some women I know get homeopathic remedies from whole foods or from a homeopathic doctor( black cohash and other things too), some get meds from their doctor. Some ride it out. I am riding it out, but some days I have 20 or so hot flashes. My doc told me if it is unbearable to call, but they would prefer to do it without drugs, without adding hormones. Me too.

I would say to get several 100% cotton long sleeve shirts from the Gap or Target, and that way you can layer but you can push the sleeves up too and cool down. I too am a cold as can be lady, low blood pressure and always on the cold side, so now I am like a faucet, either hot or cold. No inbetween.My third graders hear me ask each day, "is it hot or is it me?" Good luck with it all. Sleep deprived and sweaty, nice combo. I wish you well. Do drink plenty of cool water, and cold on your pulse points at the onset of a flash helps.

Oh Lori, she rode you like a turtle made me choke with laughter. You are too much.

May our friends on the mountain feel the spirit of our Babies tonight and each night, and in turn, may our Babies feel our hearts beat to the rhythm of our love and devotion.

dee

[mysonrich]

I've been thinking about Bonnie. She has a beautiful soul and saying thank you doesn't convey what I feel. I tried to explain to my daughter that making the banner was the one thing so far that has allowed me to honor him in a small way. But, its bigger then that and I really can't explain it.

 

Terrie, I too was having hot flashes or so I thought. It still happens but to a lesser degree since I have the BP under control. 2 different med's for that. Have you had a check-up lately? I run a fan most of the time. Its the "white noise" I like. If i can't sleep, on it goes. right now at 2am its on but I fell asleep pretty early. anyway, check-up at the dr?

 

I've had some thoughts lately in regard to dealing with Rich's death in a new town, new people. Some people reached out to me but I wasn't ready.One friend invited me to a comedy show right after Rich died. Ah, I donl;t think so.  She meant well.

I remember going back to work after 2 weeks or so, not successfully, but I did. I had at that time wondered why no one said anything to me about Rich's death. One person offered her sympathy and since she is originally from " my neck of the woods", she didn't remain quite.

What I have found out of late is that my direct manager told my co-workers not to say anything to me because I was upset. I mean, come on. One person acknowledged that my son had died . There are times I see this as cruel. I told a co-worker that saying nothing is the worse thing the manager could have advised. NOTHING. What do you all think of this? I believe if anyone, someone had acknowledged Rich's death then perhaps I wouldn';t have felt so alone there. The company did send beautiful flowers for Rich, signed " The Company".

 

I had to voice my feeling on that.

 

reading at 2am. laughing  a little at myself. Missing home I guess as I read about the way I probably talk. I am from Tre'in , NJ. ( Trenton doesn't come out of my mouth right) and I drink wooder.( water)

all over the place right now.

Have a good day everyone.

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Betsy, I think so much of what you are able to sift through is helping you in countless ways. I agree, your boss did the worst thing he could do and yet that is what folks do when they think that they are being helpful. "let's not upset her." As if anything in the world could hurt more than the loss you had just lived through. People don't know how to do "death."

I agree with the sentiment about what Bonnie has done, perhaps we can think of some way to give back something of our gratitude.

I have to teach a writing workshop at 9:0o to adults, I am nervous and tired. Wish me luck.

dee

[shellbellsmom]

To Betsy and everyone else who has experienced the "Elephant in the room" isn't this an awful feeling.

At our recent Light the Night Cancer walk we had 96 friends and family which represented our team....only 1 person mentioned Michelle's name to me that day....and that was a lady from one of my support groups that had lost 2 boys in a car accident and knows all to well about the big fat elephant in the room.  She told me Michelle would have been proud of us, and that she was here with us....even though it was just in spirit.  It was just good to hear SOMEONE talk about her...she was why we were there.

Here is the poem;  I apologize if it has been posted before. 

[align=center]THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

By Terry Kettering[/align] [align=center]There’s an elephant in the room.

It is large and squatting,

so it is hard to get around it.[/align] [align=center]Yet we squeeze by with,

“How are you?” and, “I’m fine,”

and a thousand other forms of trivial chatter.[/align] [align=center]We talk about the weather;

we talk about work;

we talk about everything else—

except the elephant in the room.[/align] [align=center]There’s an elephant in the room.

We all know it is there.

We are thinking about the elephant

as we talk together.[/align] [align=center]It is constantly on our minds.

For, you see, it is a very big elephant.

It has hurt us all, but we do not talk about

the elephant in the room.[/align] [align=center]Oh, please, say her name.

Oh, please, say “Michelle” again.

Oh, please, let’s talk about

the elephant in the room.[/align] [align=center]For if we talk about her death,

perhaps we can talk about her life.

Can I say, “Michelle” to you

and not have you look away?

For if I cannot,

then you are leaving me alone

in a room—with an elephant.[/align]

Wishing everyone a peaceful day  Sue

[lolynbo]

LOVEN THE POEM, I STOLE IT AND PUT IT ON MY FB AND KOURTNEYS FB

[mpsmom]

Sue, I love the poem, I had heard reference to an elephant in the room, but not the poem, Thank you for sharing it with us.

I am sorry that only one person said Michelles name at the fund raiser held in her honor, I guess my biggest fear is one that we all share, "please dont let my daughter be forgotten".  Somedays it feels like having her her for 17.5 years was the 'dream' not her death being the dream... I miss her everyday, we have just passed the one year mark and life is so 'without feeling' .... no joy in life anymore, I wish it wasnt this way.

Hugs, to everyone  Marcia  Bethanys Mom Forever

[hotrod]

Good Morning

Good Morning Everyone

Marcia,Betsy, Terrie , Sue, Dee, Lori,Carol,  I can truly identify with all you shared. I know how difficult the elehphant in the room is.i 

Marcia, I agree that sometimes it does feel like Stephen's  life and the times we had were a dream. 

 Then I come here and feel validated and can share about him and see his picture.

I have an excerpt from a letter by  William Wordsworth after the death of his son it  says it all:

"I loved the boy with the utmost love of which my soul is capable and he is taken from me-yet in the agony of my spirit in surrendering such a treasure, I feel a thousand times richer than had I never possessed it"

Wm Wordsworth

The pain of loss is great but I am oh so glad for the many years Stephen was in my life.

I hope Pinnacle Day is memorable and that we all have a peaceful day.

Betty

Stephen'sMom:)

 

[lolynbo]

BETHANY BETHANY BETHANY!!!!

KOURTNEY KOURTNEY KOURTNEY!!!!

MICHELLE MICHELLE MICHELLE!!!

STEVEN STEVEN STEVEN

[mysonrich]

Sue, right on the spot with the poem. I was thinking that people would be supportive and compassionate during events such as the cancer walk. No banter? No talk of memories? I am sorry that happened to you and Michelle.

 

Dee, good luck with the class. Here I thought you were a student.

 

Betsy, mysonRich