Loss of an Adult Child

[shellbellsmom]

It's been a while.  Some of the names I remember and some are new since my last post.  Just was a little down again today and checked the site to get some support.  It's never easy....life goes on and on.  It's been 2 years and almost 3 months since my daughter Michelle passed away and yet I feel like it just yesterday.  I try and keep her memory alive....all the time.  I will never forget her but I know others will, and their lives will move on.  Wishing everyone some peace today.  Suzanne

[heartbeataway]

Hi Suzanne,

I remember you and your sweet Michelle.  Good to see you posting again!

You're not alone in being down.  So many have been lately.

Maybe it's the changing seasons ...... maybe it's "just because" ......

We know how non-linear this journey is.

Anyway, it's good to see you. Hope you hang around for awhile!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[ericasmom]

Suzanne, I do remember you adn Shell. I know that it has been a long time but time does not stop the ache, it does however find us living our lives with sometimes with as much energy as possible, sometimes with no energy. So on those days when we have energy, feel good about it, be proud of your steps, your Daughter is. I sure wish you never had a reason to be here, any of us, and since you are,(we are) we can bolster one another.

What have you been doing with your time? Do you work or have you been able to work since losing Shel? Have you ever joined a group besides us?

Oh Trudi, my heart is crying for the tension and worry you are all feeling right now. I am so grateful that your Son was able to share his fear with you, your call coming at the exact right time for him to share his burden. I am praying that the lump is a nonmalignant lump, nothing scarrier than that. I had a 2 cm. noncancerous lump removed from my breast and have had several needle aspirations. I was lucky, and I shall pray that Kelly too will be given that news.

Loving you Dear,

dee

[mpsmom]

Good afternoon, the forum has been relatively quiet lately, must be the changing of the season.... someone sent this to me, I would like to share.....brighten someones day with a little smile, I hope it works.

http://www.castlemountains.net/flashmar/A_Cup_Of_Joy.swf

Love and peaceful days to everyone, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

 

[daveydow1]

Marcia----So So cute......the Cup Of Joy w/ singing mouse. Thanks.

Trudi-----Steven & Kelly will be in my prayers tonight. Peace & tranquility

to you and your family.

Bonnie----Glad my flag got to you. Thanks again. Also, I love the writing

(Shakespeare) that you had engraved. It's beautiful.

Dee---YIKES !!  What a week you've had. I hope that the drunk guy was

sobered up by the time he came to talk to you about his son's complaint

about bullying, and that you were able to come to some resolution.  

  

 Peace & comfort to all at BI.

       

[shellbellsmom]

Dee and Bonnie, Nice to hear from you both again, and  nice to meet all the new parents of angels on here. 

To answer your questions- I don't work other than volunteer my time to many causes near and dear to me.  I am active in the LLS (Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, Gildas Club) and do what I can to help others affected by blood cancers.  My team does many fundraisers like golf tournament, garage sales, and texas hold em benefits to raise funds.  In the 2 years since her death we have raised over $43,000.  This year alone my team "Shellbells" has raised over $22,000.  We had a walk (Light the Night with over 90 team members). 

We have also set up a foundation in her name: http://www.mlhope.org The Michelle Lunn Hope Foundation.  We are working on raising more funds for a scholarship in her name.  That will come early next year.  Still need to figure out some final details for placement.

Just wish this all made me feel good.  I feel wonderful when I think of how it will helps others and may someday prevents other parents from having to lose a child from cancer (due to funding research) like I did...but, it doesn't do anything for the pain that is left in my heart from losing her today.  She would have wanted us to do this...so that is what keeps me chugging along. When Michelle was in the hospital she said she hated to think that little children had to experience the harsh treatments she had to... (bone marrow biopsies/ ports/ blood transfusions, chemo etc.) and when she got better she wanted to help them.  Since she can't we have vowed to do it for her. Be her voice and help others.

So....for the 1st year I laid in deep depression and felt sorry for myself, then the second year I got up/out and try to find some positive in a bad situation.  What helped me the most was finding a support group where I have met many other parents who too have lost a child...together we share stories, cry and try to get through life together without our precious children. 

So I have been surviving, and missing my Michelle every day.  But each day I know I am one day closer to seeing her smiling face.  Life has been hard…just wishing for more strength to get through those hard days. 

Wishing everyone sweet memories.......Suzanne

[hotsauce]

Suzanne,

i am sorry about your daughter Michelle.  my only child, Brian, passed away may 1, 2009 of the same thing that took your daughter's life.  still a little new, but the lost is still the same. 

Brian, was also 22 year old, his birthday would have been june 13.  Brian always said the same thing "i want to help others who has this rotten demon".  each time he  was in the hospital he did go around and talk to other people who were suffering.  Brian had a bad two years with the chemo.  the first year was the worst.

in delaware our light the night was 9-26-09, it rained but for the most part, there  was a big group of people there.  i wish you luck with all you are doing with LLS, my heart is in it to help, but my brains aren't working to good yet.

i don't know about you, but last month was children cancer month,  i know here not much was said about it. and you would think it would get almost the same amount of news that breast cancer gets.  they are our  babies that are dying, no matter what age.  sorry that sounded mean, but there should be more research for all BLOOD CANCERS.

again, nice to met you and sorry about your angel

mary ann (hotsauce)

Brian's momdukes forever

[ericasmom]

Suzanne, I know what you mean, living in part to carry on the mission of your Child, but the pain of her not being here is EXTREME. I am glad that you are here to let us know though, just what you have been doing and how you have been doing. Mary Anne and you have much in common and I think that your posts will allow you Maryanne, to realize that your feelings are the norm for the situation. Suzanne is a couple of years ahead of you on a similar path, and as she stated, that first year felt horrible.  We will always ache for our Children, for all that we will never do with them, and I do believe that assisting others with cancer can go a long way to helping you know that you are honoring the life and the fight of your Child, knowing that she wanted to do this. May you endure and eventually feel the gift in your own life one day. Being six years and counting on this path, I will say that there will be more healing in your years ahead. The seasonal changes often cause many to take a dip in energy and ability to fight the deep blues, the indigos and then some. Hang tight. When the seasons change we are reminded again with visual and holidays and traditions that leave us feeling hollow. Give yourselves the permission to grieve and be low when you are, but do take care of your physical self at the same time, you know, fluids, proteins...we go way down to the catacombs and we surface again, usually feeling a bit more able.

My prayers and my love as you move forward even when you wonder why some days.

dee

[hotrod]

Hello Everyone  It is raining and cold here in New York City but I always feel safe and understood when I come to this site.

 

Trudi  So sorry to hear about Kelly. She and Steven will be in my prayers.

Bonnie Thank You for sharing the feelings you get as each flag arrives.  I understand what you are saying and cannot wait to see them.  Stay well.

 

Betsy  I am glad you have decided on the Urn for Rich  I know it was difficult.

 

Dee I do hope you get some rest this weekend.

 

Sonya, Suzanne, Marcia, Maryann, Terrie and everyone else my absent minded brain may have forgotten I hope you have a peaceful weekend.

[lolynbo]

WELL IM GETTING READY TO GO WATCH KODY RACE FOR THE WINTERNATIONALS. HERE IN ARDMORE..COULD BE A COLD ONE, IM GOING TO WEAR 2 SHIRTS,SWEETSHIRT, A SHIRT UNDER THAT AND KOURTNEYS JAKET (IN MEMORY OF)...AND MY ACDC BOGGIN AND 3 PAIRS OF GLOVES (FOR OTHERS TOO)...IT WAS ONLY 55 LAST NIGHT BUT GEEPERS IT WAS COLD...

I WILL LET YAL NO HOW THE BABY BOY DOES...

[mikesmomrs]

Hi eveyone:  I haven't been posting much; I have an infection around my eye, and the medicine forms a blurry film over the eye itself, so it's hard to see much with one eye...the tears I've shed this week have not been helpful, either, and as usual, I put off things til the last minute, so have been trying to finish up Mike's banner so I can send it out...I will likely wind up sending it overnight...I am sure some of it is crooked, but if anyone will understand about that and find it humorous, Mike will. 

Suzanne, I am glad to see you again, but of course, sorry that you have a need to ever have been here,  It is nice to see your beautiful Michelle's smiling face again. As Dee said, take care of yourself, experience the healing, and know that we are here always to help.

I am "weeping" in my eye again...as if I don't do enough of that by myself!!!...and need to put a warm cloth on my eye.  If it isn't better by Monday, they are going to "drain" it...doesn't that sound pleasant...NOT!!!

Lorri:  good luck to Kody, and good luck staying warm...I guess that's one byproduct of the Red Sox not being in the playoffs...we don't have to worry about freezing during the playoff games :-(...still, I'd rather be cold, truth be told...

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

 

this is what our neighborhood looks like now, though I imagine the way the wind has been blowing, it won't look like this much longer, so I'll share the beauty while I can...

[mpsmom]

Carol, I am sorry about your eye, "no" draining it doesnt sound pleasant at all :?

Thank you for shring 'the seasons' with us.  We dont have colors like that here in the desert, only the cold north wind blowing thru...not today.. it is  80 outside and it is 6;45.  Suppose to cool down tonight though.  I am sorry your red socks are not in the playoffs, Larry has baseball on, but it has never been my thing... I have tried..but not for me. 

Lorrie, I hope that Kody kicks butt tonight and I will say a prayer that he is safe....

Betty, the thougth of seeing NYC in the winter sounds wonderful to me, maybe we will come one year ..... not much of a snow person though.

Dee, glad you made it through the week at schookl, I never could understnad the concept of 'teching how to pass the tests"... just teach and let the children learn, your kids are so lucky to have you.. a teacher that cares.   Where is Kay ?? has anyone heard form her??   Another great teacher... Are you out there????

Betsy , the urn you picked for "Richie" sounds just perfect, I understnad the need for it to be perfect, i picked out one for Bethany's ashes, it looks like a grecian urn that was dug up from the ruins, I think she would like it.. .reminds me of the things she saw in Greece on the trip of her lifetime.. it sits on my fireplace hearth with a silver flip flop necklace hanging from it.  

Colleen, I know you are getting excited for your weekend trip..wish I could join you, I am trying for next year.... MaryAnn, keeping you close in my heart... .it does get softer,,, ,just takes time...

If anyone is interested I would be happy to start trying to put together a get together near Las vegas, flights & hotels  here are very inexpensive and there are alot of things to do here that dont involve gambling and drinking... Let me know guys, maybe in the spring.... Lorrie...'roadtrip' .....

Time for dinner, my love to all... SOnya, pleae be sure to get picktures of Mattie for halloween and everyone else who has grandkids, lots of pictures please.....

Dan and Greg... thinking of you both... and everyone else... still on my mind all the time.. Trudi keeping your kids in my prayers.....

Love to all, Marcia    Bethanys Mom Forever

[summergirl]

Trudi - I am so sorry for the news but have great faith that all will turn out well. Our Angels will work over time to make sure that Kelly will be fine and she and Steven and children will live long happy lives - my prayers as always.

Marcia - I am definitley interested so go ahead and start making plans!!!!! whoo hoo It would be great to have anyone who wanted to to come to NY City - we could have a great time and it is so beautiful at Christmas time - the whole month of December!!

Dee - you are one busy lady but with a big heart to do what you do. I too am a hyper lady, never sit still until after Tavian is in bed. Always seem to think of something I have to do and cannot relax until it is done.

Suzanne - nice to meet you - I think I have seen you here before with your sweet Michelle - how wonderful that you are continuing her life with all the fund raisers and such p amazing what we can do and you are a true testament to such a great cause.

Bonnie - my flag is wrapped and being sent tomorrow - so very happy tht it is completed and will soon be in your hands. I can only imagine your thoughts as you open each one - you are an amazing woman.

Lorri - good luck to Cody!!  Sounds like you will be dressed warm enough. I HATE COLD WEATHER!!!!!  Cold here and a rainy weekend.

Tavian is sitting here next to me in my big bed watching "America's Home Video's" - he loves the show and it is great to hear his "belly laugh" makes my heart happy.   Tomorrow we are going to the firehouse for a childrens fair - he is excited and it will be fun for him with all the other kids.

Sweet Dreams and restful sleep - Kathy

JESSICA, JESSICA, JESSICA

[arc4ever]

Trudi, my prayers will be especially for a good outcome, very scary stuff. 

Thought I would mention, I just got home from a gathering of friends of Tattoo Mike (actually found out it is Tatu Mike!), they are having a benefit gathering on November 14th.  While we were there we were there we found out that a few of the folks planning this benefit were at Adam's memorial poker run, small world (they came and gave us hugs and told us what a  nice time they had) - pay if forward????

I had a nice time visiting my friend, she said her mom is having a very hard time - don't we know it!  I tried to explain to her that even though she lost a brother, no pain is like that of losing a child.  I hope maybe I can help her to be more understanding of the difficulties her mom is facing.  Yes, she lost her brother, but her mom has now lost two sons.

It is cold here in Ohio  - seriously what the heck is this 45 deg. in October, maybe snow flurries tomorrow? Please, please don't let this forsee a nasty winter, I don't know how much I can handle of the cold locked up in my house.

Love to all, goodnight - Terrie (Adam's mom)

[ericasmom]

Mary Ann, I so agree, Cancer Research for Cures in regards to Kids should be a bigger deal in the public eye. There are so many kids that become sick each year so I do very much agree. In my younger years, when my kids were small, I was good friends with a neighbor and i was home each day doing day care so my friends came over everyday at that bewitching hour in the lives of young toddlers and pre-schoolers, 4:00-5:00. When kids are not at their best. So we would all gather at my home and they would have snack and play outside most each day. WEll my neighbor, Sarah had two girls, Caty and Alice. Alice was a little red head with bow-lips. Beautiful She loved Jonathan, called him yon. A lttle before she was 18 months old, she began to have less speech and did not want to walk as often, wanted to be carried. Then she began to vomit in the mornings upon waking. Mom took her several times to the doc, but it was the 5th of July while she lay in my arms so sick, I begged Sarah to go to the hospital, I would drive, she said no, Alice would get better, and then Alice had a seizure, her eyes rolled up in her head, I called theEr andsaid we were coming.  When Allie was 18 months old, she was diagnosed with brain cancer. Alice was at our home almost each day from her birth. She fought like no other, and she left this earth when she was 4. I support all the efforts to find cures and ways in which to better treat children and young adults with cancers. I know that the only reason that rob and Sarah did not go willingly to the hospital that summer was because in thier hearts they knew that what they were going to find out would come very close to destroy them. I remember in those early weeks and months and year or two after Ali died, hearing the sounds of Alice's parents crying in the night, it reminded me of wolves howling. I know that those sounds came from us as well, deep into many nights.

Thanks Marcia for the sweet addition to the day. It has been a rough couple of days for folks, and you are right here cheering everyone on. thanks for your sunshine.

[heartbeataway]

Terrie,

Received Adams flag banner today ......

You did good!  Adam would be proud!  So many pictures of that handsome young man of yours.

So many memories and so much love.  Thank you so much for participating!

I promise to take good care of it!  I'll be interested to hear the emotions from others when they see the finished products.

Wow!

Love!

Bonnie

[ericasmom]

Carol, ow on the eye. Take it easy please and continue with the warm compress. Love the trees, I am definitely a 4 season girl too Carol.

I have not started my flag, I only hope I can send something. I agree, Bonnie, you are a doll to have started this, I am unfortunately, swamped with busy.

Lorri, give Kody and hug from me, tell him I love him no matter which way the race goes.

Yep, it is damn cold, I heard that it snowed 2 inches in Ithica and other parts of NYState as well as Pennsyvania. So Betsy, Sherri, Kathy, everyone east of Minnesota, get out the hats and gloves. I think the only way to do winter with any success for me is to be out in it, so I get the ugly coat out, the one that protects you to 30 bleow, and the long johns under my jeans and layer it on and go out and stay out for long walks or errands on foot. That way, I am in the fresh air, I am tiring myself, and I am working my body.

Glad Bets, that you were with Tatu Mike's friends. More connections.

Suzanne, you have raised a lot of money, that is a joy. Shell must be smiling, bragging about her Mom.

Marcia, I doubt that we could afford a trip in spring, but I am glad that some might be able to, go for it, the more we are able to connect the better.

New York in the winter should be great as well. You'd love it Marcia, the shopping alone, and the art museums. Kay has not been here more than twice or three times since her trip in the summer. I miss her terribly, our special kindergarten teacher. I hope that she is as well as she can be. That she feels Johnny holding her in his forever heart.

Sweet dreams Folks,

love,

dee

[ericasmom]

maybe an angel

[ericasmom]

Very possibly my favorite photo of ERICA, taken the summer before she was killed.

[ericasmom]

There now that is the Girl of My Dreams, a photo taken by the fiance' of ERi's oldest friend. He is meticulous with his negatives, and yet this one disappeared when she died. He made copies and from those I have made copies. I have never shared this before, only because i have had it in a large envelope in a drawer, hidden even to me, once too painful and now my eyes drink her in, so Eri like.

I miss you my little angel.

momma

[mpsmom]

Dee, she is such a beautiful angel -- , in this pic she reminds me of a child of the "'70's", a 'flower child' from the days of free love and peace, life was so easy then.... .... what a wonderful picture, i love it in black and white..... your little tink, thank you for posting it.. .Love it !!!!!!

Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever

[mikesmum]

To all - I know why we come here, post or not.  We know here is where the strength is.  Be it falling down at the realisation that our kids are gone, or another brick on our load, here we are heard.  The love and support found here is unmatched anywhere.  

I thank you all for your kind words and most of all the prayers said on behalf of Kelly & Steven - First scans are Tuesday. 

Suzanne - You describe the first year so well.  You truly have picked yourself up and honoured your beautiful daughter this year...

Carol - Love the colour palette of Autumn (Fall).  Its like the sunset

Dee - Oh yeah, I see you reflected in that '70's chick called Eri......you sure you didn't have dreadies??

Bonnie - Sending you Get Well wishes for this week.  May the bugs fly away and the sunshine on your day...

Have just come back from Calebs 6th birthday party.  Steven and Kelly have decided not to tell anyone until they have all the information about her breast lump.  Kelly doesn't know Steven confided in me.  Usually a bright and bubbly girl, today I saw a very different Kelly.  It was bittersweet.  Jeya found the small guitar Mike gave to Emily when she was just 3.  Melissa had music playing in the background.  As Jeya 'strummed' Beloved One played.....tears.  Mikes teaching guitar, the song he chose the week before he died for Lauren (the good one)..

The Beautiful Mother of Jeya and Zak....The woman who stood by Steven John when everyone else gave up.......

Jeya with Mikes (baby) guitar.  

 

 

[homeschoolmom]

Well, we've been back in the states now for little over a week and are settling in smoothly enough. Akiem loves Florida, and shopping, and... We went to see Cloudy With the Chance of Meatballs last night and it was cute, and funny. The worst part of it all is waking each morning with the heavy weight of dread pulling at me. Down, down... Par for the course I suppose.

We celebrate our version of Advent each year, and I suggested to Bree that we get a "memorial" candle for Rohan and her face fell. She did NOT like that idea. She wants him to stay dead so she won't have to remember. When I querried her a bit more, she admitted that it hurts to think about him, so she tries not to. Anyway, have to arrange some counselling sessions for her, and pray she is able to release that load...

Found some old photos from our summer of 2006 when we took the kids to Disney, and went fishing with my mom... Talk about a shock to my system! My Rohan looking so alive and happy...

Can't seem to get started on my flag . Don't know what it is, just I sit here and can't make myself do it. I hate this.

Blessings to all,

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[homeschoolmom]

MaryAnn, I remember when you first came to the boards...your anger and despair...what a blessing it is to hear you now. Praying for continued strength, courage and peace for you, and light to shine through the darkness of the pain.

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[veronicasmom]

Sweet Veronica

08/10/1978 - 10/17/2007

Think of her as living

in the hearts of those she touched

for nothing loved is ever lost

and she was loved so very much

 

[homeschoolmom]

Veronica, please send your mom wonderful memories, and the warmth of friends to walk with her.

[hotrod]

 

Beautiful Veronica

Thinking of you on this your Angel Anniversary.

Please hold your mom and your family close today and every day

Betty

Stephen'sMom

 

 

[hotsauce]

SHELLY, thank you for the kinds words, i still get in the dark hole, but nothing i say or do will bring back my angel Brian. i am sorry you are having trouble with your daughter Bree,  maybe she is afarid that something could happen to her .

TO EVERONE HERE, i hope you all have a good weekend, in delaware it cold, wet and windy.  a rotten weekend.

take care

mary ann (hotsauce)

Brian's momdukes

[hotsauce]

VERONICASMOM

 

Veronica, on your angel day, send your family many beautiful signs of love and hope.

mary ann (hotsauce)

Brian's momdukes

[hotrod]

 

Dee: another beautiful picture of  your precious angel.  Thank You

 

Trudi: Great pictures-So glad Steven has known such a beautiful love. 

 

Shelly: I am glad to see your beautiful son's face again.  I understand about the flag.  I do hope you find the energy to prepare it.   I used one of my sons's tee shirts and went to a copy center and had a good picture of him with his car copied on to the shirt with his name.

It is not a work of art .  It was inexpensive.  Good Luck

 

 

 

Stephen's Mom

 

Betty

[ericasmom]

VERONICA, blessings to you on this Angel date, blessings for your family who miss you so, please sweep into their dreams and sit with them for a visit, allowing them a view of their Beautiful Girl.

Thanks Betty and Marcia and Trud, I too think she looks like a 70's  girl, ruby in the dust, cowgirl in the dust, a vision of Niel Young's songs. I did not have dreads, but I sure am glad that she did, she came to live her life out loud and did so in short order.

I love the photos Trud, love the hope that surrounds your Kelly and Stephen.

Shelly, I think going for some talking asistance for Bree is a great idea. Good luck adjusting to all that is new in your lives.I can only imagine how hard it all is. Keep us updated Sweetie.

Amanda, how you feeling?

Love to all,

dee

[shellbellsmom]

Doriana, (Veronica's mom) I know how the last few days has been on you reliving all those terrible memories…and now today the anniversary day of Veronica getting her wings.  Know that others care and are praying for peace for you and your family today.  I am so glad we have met (in our support group) and your friendship has helped me with my healing. 

I now remember why I came back to posting on this site….you all get it.  You all know the pain we carry deep in our hearts and aren’t afraid to share your feelings.  For me I feel so many people expect me to be “over it by now”…it’s been a couple of years now.  I find myself working hard at hiding the everyday emotions when I’m around others….wouldn’t want them to be uncomfortable seeing me sad.  They have started asking me to do things with them again. Before I was way too sad to hang out with and who wants to hang out with someone grieving- Know one.  So now I venture out….put on my “happy face mask “ and try and act like life is good once again.   It’s only for others though…..not for me yet.  I wish I could tell people how I really feel. Tell them that “I AM NOT OVER IT YET” and never will be.

Mary Ann,  so sorry to hear about your son’s  Brian’s death from blood cancer and at the same age as my Michelle.  Yes, more research needs to get done on other cancers too, especially the cancers that affect the young ones.  That’s why I got involved….

Dee, Erica’s beautiful…love to see all the pictures of our angels.  

Thanks everyone for welcoming me back!  Sue

[heartbeataway]

[align=left].........Veronica ..........

[/align][align=center]We're saying her name .......

[/align][align=right]......Veronica ...........................

[/align]........Veronica ................

Love and strength to you Doriana (what a pretty name!)

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[briansdad]

This is for VERONICASMOM and I guess all of us really.

[briansdad]

Today we have a wedding to go to.One of my daughters friends is getting married to one of Brian's best friends. Jess is the maid of honor Brian would have been the best man. Brian worked so hard to hook those two up but it never happened until after he died.I'm sure he'll have a big grin on his face today.

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

I absolutely love the picture of Eri.  I sat and looked at it a long time.  I imagined Angel Eri with her "little white soul" and her dread locks!  I loved the image in my mind. Very glowing, very flowing and just plain stunning!  I think she favors you.

I can see why you had to put that picture away from your eyes for a little while. You were protecting your heart from the pain of breaking.

I hope one of these days we all know the reason our children left us early.  I have to believe there's a good reason .......

Love!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

This will be a tough day for you.  A happy sad day.  That miss in your heart will let itself be known.  I'll be thinking about you.

I love the writing you posted for Veronica.

Love!

Bonnie

[mpsmom]

Veronica, may your mom and your family feel you close around them today, surround them with your love and let them know you are safe, happy and eternally young.

Hugs,   Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

 

[mpsmom]

Greg, Brian will certainly be smiling down on everyone at the wedding today, knowing that he brought two of his close friends together to join in holy matrimony. 

Hugs, Marcia  

[mpsmom]

Sue, Welcome back, your Michelle is a beautiful young lady, I am so sorry for your loss, but glad we have each other here at Beyond Indigo.  The work you are doing to raise money for cancer research is amazing.

Glad to meet you, Marcia             Bethanys Mom Forever

[veronicasmom]

Thank you to all of you for making this day a little easier for me.  I would like to share this poem that was given to us at our last support group meeting.  I found the last part very fitting for me on this particular day.  And thank you Sue for all your support, I'm so very glad we met.  D.

But Not Today

[align=left]Sometimes[/align]

[align=left]I can let go of the past,[/align]

[align=left]a past locked behind the doors[/align]

[align=left]of painful memories.[/align]

[align=left]     But not today.[/align]

[align=left]Sometimes [/align]

[align=left]I can accept the reality that is me[/align]

[align=left]and journey headlong[/align]

[align=left]into the unknown[/align]

[align=left]     But not today.[/align]

[align=left]Today change comes hard.[/align]

[align=left]I wear my feelings on my sleeve,[/align]

[align=left]and nothing seems right[/align]

[align=left]Sometimes[/align]

[align=left]I feel I can weather anything   [/align]

[align=left]tackle anything    do anything.[/align]

[align=left]     But not today.[/align]

[align=left]                                    -Brenda Neal[/align]

[ericasmom]

Lovely poem Doriana, and I love knowing that you and Sue know one another from a group. Connections all about us.

And we will never be over it, why should we and how could we? Are we ever over the way the birth of our Babies changed us? NO. So why on Earth would we ever be over their death?

We learn to live our best life in their honor. I love what you sent Greg, so beautiful and helpful, a reminder. May the wedding bring Brian to the celebration, it is/was he who saw this as what needed to happen. He will be with you, a shining sun through a window, a bell's warble, the laughter in the room, he is with you.

Glad you are feeling the love upon your return to BI Ladies.

Bonnie, thank you so much, it is a shimmering sense I get from that photo of Erz.

Love to all,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Well, my gross eye is calmed down for now...the infection seems to be all moving to the same spot and the doctor said this would be good...so I will wait for the "good."

Meantime, I can see, as there's no jel film making it blurry...thank heavens, it is sunny today and I want to absorb every drop!  I love the way you "head on" into winter, Dee...it is so you..."here I am," says the cold and wind, and you say "So?" and head right into it...prepared and enveloping it, just like you envelope life...

so, I will post now, while I can, before I need to use the medicine again...

Wow!  A day or two of slow traffic, and then boom, messages from everywhere!  I better use my one good eye now and post, or I will be so far behind…

Dee:  Yes, I agree with Bonnie, I can understand why you have not posted this picture before, and I can see you throughout this beautiful girl---she looks so free, being herself, being beautiful just by being…a person full of life and heart…just like her beautiful mom…thank you so much for sharing your beautiful Girl…Mike would be  so jealous of Eri’s dredlocks…he tried so hard to grow them himself, but got frustrated in the summer because he worked in a wood shop and his hair would become filled with wood shavings unless he wore a “doo rag” and then he would be SO hot he couldn’t stand it.  So, off they came…I came home one hot August day and found a pile of his almost jet black hair, thick curls formed into dreds against their will, sitting on a towel in the bathroom…(oh, how I wish now that I’d kept one of them…we are so foolish sometimes aren’t we…)  When we shook the towel out, after we’d disposed of the locks, the hair blew into little piles by the steps…we left them there and we teased him that we were telling people that we’d shorn our “black sheep” of the family…

Your neighbor’s little Alice…so very heartbreaking, and so like you to understand their pain even before you’d felt your own…I remember one day when Mike and I went to the hospital in Boston for a follow-up…we were waiting for the elevator and when it arrived and the doors opened, there were two sweet little girls being pulled in a wagon, their bald heads bobbing about as they laughed and giggled over some little thing…Mike looked after them as they went down the hallway and said “It’s just not fair for them…me, I’ve lived, I’ve had a life, but they are so little…it’s just not right.” 

Greg:  So hard, this wedding, but know that Brian is sitting right there with you, beaming that his efforts have come to fruition…this union will be blessed.   I loved the writing for Veronica’s mom, and will post it in Mike’s pages on his website, if that is okay…I would also like to lift pics of the pictures that you and Dan made for Mike's angelversary, so I can post them on his website...

Kathy:  Yes, I agree, those “belly laughs” are so heartwarming and priceless…

Sue:  Yes, we “get it” and that is why we are here, because we get that support we cannot find elsewhere…as you said, everyone expects you to be “over it” by now…but we know, there is no such thing…ever. Your beautiful Michelle is part of you, forever...

Marcia:  yes, Dee is right, thank you for sharing your sunshine with us…I can feel its beams all the way from your town and your heart…we had light snow here yesterday morning, but nothing accumulated, and today the sun is back, though it’s only in the 40’s.  The urn you chose for your sweet Bethany sounds so beautiful and so right...

Shelly:  I am sorry that Bree is having a tough time…yes, I agree, perhaps counseling will help her to recognize that painful as feelings are, they still need to be felt so that healing can begin.  I am glad you all made it back to Florida safely and wish Aikem well in his new life with your wonderful family. 

Trudi:  Your Kelly…shows love and beauty, I am so glad that Steven and she are together…Miss Jeya…a natural…to follow in her sweet uncle Mike's path of music?  Will keep praying for Kelly and sending love and strength…please let her know that many are holding her close as she faces this, and we pray for a good outcome. 

Betsy:  I understand about the urn for your handsome Rich,…we spent many nights poring over pictures, reading descriptions, and looking for just the “right” one…tears so often got in the way.  We wound up with a shiny, stainless steel, handcrafted by someone just starting out in the business, and it is square with columns on each corner,…I felt it was very representative of what Mike would want…the design is sturdy and strong…it is very heavy, as I was so afraid it might be dropped at some point and my heart would be broken all over again.  Also, Mike’s wife and each of his boys and his sisters have a small metal “Keepsake urn” in which there is a small amount of Mike’s ashes…this was at Mike’s request.  A friend of ours who had recently lost her aunt made the suggestion, and he really took to the idea.   We all here know the sorrow you’ve felt while taking care of this…

Colleen:  thinking of you as you get closer to traveling to VA…have a wonderful time, and the sadness that will be the basis for this gathering will be tempered by the love that is flowing throughout.  Jason will be there with all of you, showering his “sun/son” shine down on all…

Speaking of this, I am almost done with the flag…just need to sew up the sides and then I will mail it off on Monday…hubby got into it towards the end, (although he’d made suggestions previously) and decided he wanted to attach the last ID card Mike had gotten from the Air Force as a military dependent---his dad had taken Mike to have it done, and they were joking about it being the last one that Mike was eligible for …he was growing up and would be on his own soon… So, we took a picture of it and printed it out on the fabric and attached it to the flag…I can’t wait to see the pics of everyone’s flags…Bonnie you are so good to have thought of this and to coordinate this…I know that Jason is so very proud of you and Rich…I hope Rich is doing better, and that you haven't come down with anything...

To all:  With winter coming, and with it of course, the holidays, our hearts can be driven to a deeper, darker place, and the "pit" seems to be more readily waiting to pull us in...coming here, sharing, supporting, caring, gets us through, as no other place, and I thank you all so very much for being here...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[mikesmomrs]

Veronica, Veronica, Veronica...

please surround your mom with your presence and send peace to her heart on this day when her heart needs extra care.

Doriana...know that we hold you close today in thought and prayer...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[hotsauce]

GREG,  have a good time that the wedding.  know that Brians will be there happy for all of you.  i'm sure he is saying, better late then never.

best of luck to the happy couple

mary ann (hotsauce)

Brian's momdukes

[lolynbo]

THANK YOU GOD FOR KEEPING KODY SAFE AND BRENT (GOT TO BE WITH HIM TOO) KODY GOT 3RD SO HE HAS A GOOD PLACE IN THE RACE TONIGHT...WE HAD A GOOD TIME, KIMBERLY AND CODY CAME TOO FOR A BIT AND STAYED THE NIGHT, HARLEIGH SLEPT WITH ME , AND TODAY IM CRIPPLED...AHHHHH...

I REALLY LIKE BRENTS NEW GIRL...SHE REALLY IS A GOOD ONE..SHE IS A DIABETIC THOUGH SO THAT WORRIES ME, BUT GOD IS IN CONTROL HUH...SO I CANT WORRY BOUT IT ...

WELL HARLEIGH IS CHATTN WITH ME IN MY OTHER EAR SO I CANT CONCENTRATE SO I LET YAL GO BE BLESSED

[shorty16]

Hi everyone.

I am finally connected and can say hello

Sue - I call my daughter My Shell-Belle - her name is Michelle (19).

Greg, I am thinking of you today as we experience one more big event without our children.  May the presence of Brian feel like sun on your face.

I am traveling to Virginia on Thursday to experience Pinnacle Days with my friend Bonnie. 

Remember, there is no such thing as bad weather, just inadequate clothing?!

Veronica - I am saying her name.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

 

[cameronsmom1]

Hey everyone!! Sorry I haven't wrote in a while. I have been busy getting ready for my baby shower tonight. So excited about it!!! Can you believe I only have 6 weeks left at the most? I have been having so many braxton hicks contractions so maybe my body is preparing to have him early. I am so ready for the moment to be here when I can hold him in my arms. I will take pictures tonight and post an updated pic for everyone. I am getting huge!! My sister has been the best. She has bought all of the stuff for tonight and even stayed over last night cleaning my house while I laid down watching tv and relaxed. Then she will be here at 3 to decorate and told me I am not doing anything. I could really get use to this!! LOL I don't know what I would do without her. I wish I had time to get updated with all the posts but i'm gonna try to take a nap so I am ready for my long girls night! Wish you all were here!

Amanda

[hotsauce]

AMANDA,  i hope you have a great time that the shower.  you are lucky to have a sister there to help you.

mary ann (hotsauce)

Brian's momdukes

[arc4ever]

Thank you Bonnie for letting me know the banner got there.  Just to  know it is in the hands of someone who understands is comforting. 

Dee, Erica is so beautiful in that that photo, I love it. 

Terrie (Adam's Mom)