Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

For Dee,

Thanks for your nice and kind words about Davey. Also, such a sweet, sweet

picture of Eri with the kitty, Stormy.  She must have loved pets so much. My

Davey also loved all pets--cats, dogs, fish, turtles, and lizards to name a few.

 

Summergirl, Kathy,

 Thank you for your kind words. With the great help of dear Mambets, I finally

 got the photos onto BI from my Photoshop software (I'm just learning).

Peace & comfort to you and all.

                                                          Daveysmom,  Sherry

Mikesmomrs, Carol

Such wonderful photos of Mike and the children. My, how they are growing up,

huh ?   Our photos are so precious to us now. Bittersweet to look at but still so

good to have.   Take care, friend.  

[daveydow1]

For Sonya,

Thanks for your kind words about Davey's photos. Your daughter, Danielle,

is such a beautiful girl. I am so sorry for your loss. All these beautiful young

people with so much to look forward to, and just starting our their adult lives---

it is so sad that they had to leave us way before their time. I know it is not

our call  to decide, but one can't help wondering about it, can we?  It's good

that we have a lifeline like BI to come to and share our true feelings without

being judged because we are not "moving on" according to other's opinions.

May you find comfort and peace.

                                           Daveysmom,  Sherry

[heathershope]

You are all too kind.  I was a little embarrassed to post again and you all make it completely normal and okay to take a hibernation break.  I'm especially grateful to know that all the hostess cupcakes and M&M's I have hidden in my drawer are my God given right for those days that I need them . 

These are such gorgeous pictures.  These kids were so amazingly beautiful, it still never fails to take me by surprise that so much beauty can be taken fromus at any time.  Just looking at their pictures and seeing their energies and personalities....what a huge void there must be in this world today.  I would agree that they are partying in paradise while we are here trying to find tha new normal for our lives.

I have been trying to find the word to describe how I have been feeling, I don't seem to be as articualte or poetic as some of you are with your warm beautiful words.  I just feel heavy like there is a cloak of darkness, made of heavy metal that covers my body as I try to manuever through the world and function.  This cloak is so heavy it feels absolutely exhausting to carry it but you can never take it off.  I desperately want to fling it off or even remove if only for awhile so I can rest.  I think that is the crux of it, you can never take a break from this, it is always with you.  I just want to be able to feel "innocent" again, the kind of innocence you can only have if you have not been touched by the pain of losing someone you love so dearly.

   Thank you all again.  God Bless you all, your beautiful children and your wonderful words of wisdom.

Terri

[heathershope]

Another one of Heathers adventures on her "bucket list"

[ericasmom]

My Goodness Sonya,

Heather radiates your love, that last photo speaks your heart, she is gorgeous. One day, the cloak that you very eleoquently speak of, will become less heavy. One day, it will be a part of you that becomes part of your signature, part of your smile, and it becomes integrated into the very being that you are right now and were before Heather died. That cloak is a necessary part of this process, it is one of those 2 steps forward adn 3 back feelings...but you are doing the only thing we can do when we are feeling weithted down, you are going through it. When we do not fight the sense of loss, the overwhelming ache of it all, we travel it and the current is not ours to determine. But we eventually see the path that we have traveled, and we realize how far we have come, and yes we already know that we are on it for all time but I do promise, the current changes. It will be a slow meandering one day, and turbulent again to be sure, but calmer for longer periods. I hold you in my heart and in my thoughts as you spin your way through this part.

Love,

Dee

[daniellemom]

Terri,

What a great picture of Heather, so happy and in her element.

Sherry,

Thank you for the kind words about Danielle. She was my oldest, my best friend. Just starting off in life but one thing she would say to me is, Mama you know I've got an old soul. My prayers will be with you tomorrow and you are so right about my the people at BI you are all my friends, sisters, brothers, you know me better than I know myself sometimes. Thanks to everyone.

Sonya

[solemate]

Hello everyone on the boards - I started a new board "honour memory board" so we could place comments about the good things that we remember about our lost loved ones - Although painfull to me, it helps to remember the good things that I remember about my parents.  I encourage anyone if they feel the need to post to do so - it can be very rewarding.  Take care  Gayle

[ericasmom]

Sorry Terri, I called you Sonya, and sorry Sonya, I addressed my comment to Terri to you. I guess because you both have such beautiful daughters, I just got my names mixed up. Please pardon my goof.

The message is the same however, we have to go through it or we forever are fighting the current.

Sherri, may the morning wake you in bird song and all that is beautiful.

Peace,

Dee

[heathershope]

Dee: No need to apologize, I bypass names altogether most times because I get confused when I want to respond to more than one person.  I relate to your statement about going with the current of grief and not fighting it. It's when I try to fight it that I get into problems long term, but sometimes I am so afraid of the feeling I can't help but to start to put up a fight.  Eventually it catches up to you and that's were the two steps back come into play I think.  It's sad to feel so tired of pain that you ned to hide fromit for awhile...that indicated altogether too much pain.

Sonya:  I was taken back by your comment about old souls.  Heather used to tell me that too.  She would say "I feel like I'm an old soul and this is my last time back". I think it is true too.  She was somewhat immature in alot of ways but she was very wise beyond her years in a lot of ways too.  Especially after she got sick.  She developed a peacefulness about her soul that I am still amazed about.  I don't know how she handled it so well to be told at twenty years old she would die within the year.  She would have moments of sorrow and anger, but over all she was so accepting of it that if this was God's plan, then it was the way it was meant to be.  Her greatest concern was how we were all going to be who were left behind.  She told me she would of course miss us and it made her sad that she wouldn't be at the family gatherings with us but mostly she worried about us.  I think many of these kids were old souls.  

Well everyone have a good night.

Terri   

[kalimac]

Terri,

Your daughter was beautiful . . and yes, after seeing all the photos on here . . all these young people were beautiful in their own way. No wonder we miss them all so much!!

Nathan was also so accepting . . and never, never angry about having cancer.  His best friend called him an 'enlightened being' . . . always calm, always peaceful, thoughtful . . I don't know how he did it. Nate was never terribly religous but almost surrounded himself with people who were . . his three best friends all had parents who were clergy . . all of whom loved Nathan and all who spoke at his Celebration of Life. One of them when speaking about Nathan's life also referred to him as being a Bodhisattva . . even though no one knew what she was talking about . . turns out it means 'enlightened existence' in Buddhism.  Not that he was perfect, he certainly had his moments . . but for the most part, especially about his disease . . he had found peace.

Which was good for him, of course, but for the rest of us . . losing him . . it just stinks. I'm still holding together quite well. I do fine at work and I can talk pretty freely about him. But when I'm alone in the car . . wow . . everything can break loose. I have about a 30 minute drive and usually cry all the way home. 

He's missed so much. But we all miss our kids. He used to say he wasn't any different than anyone else and why shouldn't something like this happen to him . . it still stinks.

Patty R

(Incidentally, his best friend is now considering entering seminary . . which if anyone knew him would make you gasp. Grin.)

[mikesmomrs]

Patty and Terri:  I found the same emotions from Mike...he was so accepting of the way things were going to be, once he found out about the terminal aspect of his cancer.  The very first day, he was angry for about a minute, then he said "Okay, now that's out."  He spread calm all about him, and I remember one time his telling me that he didn't want us to stop living just because he died...he told his sister to not cry about him when he was gone, "Mom will cry enough for everyone."   Even when they found the second tumor, and I think at that point, he had known it was coming eventually, and it seemed almost a relief to him to have that part over with.  It was the waiting and wondering, I think, that made all of us crazy---although, I believe hope lived in our hearts until we heard his last breath leave the room.  I regret that, also, there were perhaps times, I think, when that waiting and wondering took away from the moments we had---especially his last birthday, then his last baseball game.  We all knew that those were "lasts" in his life...he was not going to make it to the next year, and it was difficult, but we pulled out all our strength and worked at making those days count for every moment we had in them.  His last baseball game, September 29th, he didn't make it past the 7th inning, when he said he wanted to leave...but we enjoyed every single moment before that moment when he said "Mom, I'd like to leave now."  The very next day, Sarah came with Damon to take Mike with them to get a pumpkin for Halloween, but after we showered and dressed him, he could not get out of the chair without beginning a seizure, and we put him back to bed.  He never got out of his bed again.  Two weeks later, to the day, he was gone.  Sometimes I am so thankful for the short time in which he was bedridden, because I know he was so happy to be able to move around all summer, and would not have wanted to have been confined to bed for very long.   But on the other hand, we went from Mike's being able to be out and about (albeit in a wheelchair, or walker, and with assistance), to his being confined to bed, and then gone, in just two weeks' time.  It was as if we had been preparing for this all along, yet when it came, we didn't recognize it, and it was over before we even realized that we were in the days of his ending his physical life on this earth.  There are days now when I think that that was a good thing, and there are days now when I feel that we were cheated, that we should have been more aware and realized...but there isn't anything we can do to change any of what happened or how.  And underneath it all, I truly believe that everything that happened, happened just the way it was supposed to...not that those thoughts makes it any easier, but just that those thoughts seem to find a more familiar niche in my brain than any other ones that flow across my consciousness. 

I've been rambling...so sorry...I just get carried away with some of the remembering, and as I said in my earlier post, this has been such a difficult week for some weird reason...weepy, on an emotional roller coaster, the littlest thing will set me into tears.

Patty, my rides home from (and to) work were many, many times filled with tears, screams, shrieks sometimes...every single day during that first year or so---it was the only place where I could just yell and scream and cry without worrying about who I was making uncomfortable.  

As many here have said, nothing prepares you for this kind of loss...the loss of your child, and nothing changes you more than this...

I wish each of you a pleasant night, early sleep and perhaps dreams of your precious one with memories to envelope you when you awake.

love and peace,

carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Carol, if that is rambling, ramble on. Your words are so pretty, very expressive. When his last breath left the room...I remember the last breath from Erica. I remember Jonathan looking at me with eyes pleading, "IS this it, was that it? Is ERi gone?" Oh the ache of these memories. And your memories are of a brave young man who faced and dealt with his illness with grace. It sounds like all of you really worked to live your best lives with him while he was there. You didn't focus on the end but instead on the moment which must have been lovely for your Boy, for all of you. Of course you are weepy with these memories.  You need  the freedom to cry. I join you.

Patty, it is amazing that your Son was surrounded by religion. The very first time I saw his photo, I was struck by his peace. I remember commenting to my husband that I just met a young man through the website and he was just so peaceful. I told him that i felt peaceful looking at him. I had learned from you that evening that your Son also knew of his illness and faced it with an amazing calm. What lessons we learn from these two men.

Terri, again, the same kind of miraculous behavior from a young person. Heather had some very strong awareness and connecton to face the prognosis as she did. And you must have done the same. Somehow, all of you parents faced this realization with some sort of fortitude and strength that comes from somewhere else.

May we all sleep deeply,

dee

PS Claudia, are you well? I miss you.

[johnnysmama]

Sherry

Just wanted you to know I lit a candle and said a prayer  for you and your precious son Davey's angel day today.

His pictures are so sweet whether he is a young boy or a grown man his smile just radiates his sweetness. Thank you for sharing him with us and know we are thinking of you today. May he wrap your heart in all his love and beautiful memories today.

Hugs and peace to you.

Kay

[johnnysmama]

Carol

You words about Mike's last weeks, days just struck my heart. I don't know how we get through that and survive, but we do somehow. I think because of our love of our child and their love for us. It showed when Mike said my Mom will cry enough for everyone. They say that teasing because they are a man but that comment shows they know the depth of our love for them.  Hang on to that thought-no matter how cheated you were-you were loved so strongly and he in return and you both knew it. I try to focus on the love and the pride I had in being my son's Mom. The biggest honor in the world isnt it? I wouldn't trade that 21 year honor with anything-I would have liked it to be longer here on earth but we will FOREVER be their Mom's (and Dad's).

The pictures of him with his children were so sweet and aren't you lucky that you remember the moments, songs, etc.

 

Peace, Kay

[johnnysmama]

Patty

Your Nathan just LOOKS like such a sweet soul. The depth of love he shows in his pictures with his dog just proves it.

 

 

Dee

Thank you for your kind words. Just know there have been MANY times that your words helped me out of some very deep, dark holes and I don't know what I would do without you and honestly everyone here. Everytime I look at Eri's pictures whether in an important event, hanging with friends or holding her kitty I can't get passed her eyes. They are sooo deep. Again, the sweet soul I see there. I just want to be around her. I think she must have gotten that from her Mom as I feel the same about you. I need to be around you and everyone here. It is a lifeline.

 

Peace, Kay

[briansdad]

I hope I didn't leave any one out. Tell all your hubbies to hang in there tomorrow.Tell them to try and remember the good times I know I miss getting gifts from Brian that always seemed to be something he could use too.

http://brian-klocke.memory-of.com/Uploads/Videos/Video633490743851298750.wmv

[shellbellsmom]

Greg what a beautiful montage of our children and it couldn't have come at a better time for me.  One year ago today my daughter went into the hospital...and 38 days later she was dead from complications due to leukemia at the age of 22.   I have been in a real funk the whole day...trying to stay strong and not cried my eyes out during the dance recital I attended this afternoon (my daughter used to dance when she was younger). 

I was just going to go open up a bottle of wine but instead I opened this website and found your video.  Before my daughter got sick I used to do video's part time for many different occasion including memorials...she was my biggest helper always finding that special song that I needed.  I have only done one since...and that was for a fundraiser for the leukemia & Lymphoma Society...you have a way with your videos...and you make them so meaningful. I need to start working on my daughters memorial montage but its been too emotional to even start let alone compete and she's not here to help me with song selections.  When I was in need of music for my LLS video she sent me songs on the radio...and they fit perfectly just like before.  I guess I will have to just trust she will help once again when I need…she wonderful at giving me signs. 

Thanks again for your video, I will show my husband tomorrow for Fathers Day…he will love to see his daughter smiling and goofing off just like she always did.  She seemed so happy in the pictures I sent you.  I miss her so.

   God Bless your Father's Day.  Sue  (Michelle’s Mom)

[mikesmum]

Greg - Thankyou.  I know I have been here toooo long....with each face, I know the name, I know the parent, I know the pain............But with each smiling face, each 'adventure picture'  I smile and am comforted by the company my precious son now keeps.  

Mike -  Hope you have found Brian, an amazing young man  - Thankfully we here have found Greg a truly amazing man......

PS - Greg - the background music, who was it?

[heartbeataway]

It's precious ........ Thank you Greg ............ Our children are so beautiful....... and their spirits are still so alive ......... "hang in there" tomorrow ........ you have given us a gift and in doing so, I hope you found solace. Brian was very fortunate to have you to call Dad.

JasonH'sMom, Bonnie 

Jason, last year I had a card from you for your Dad. I found it in your drawer after you left. Dad misses you ......... really misses you. I know you'll be close to him tomorrow and he'll feel your spirit.  We haven't gotten to the place where we can celebrate without you.  He doesn't want to go to dinner.  Doesn't want to be around other Dads and their children. Love you son ............ love you so .........

 

[mikesmum]

To all - May Fathers Day this year bring many memories, many stories and a recognition of the special relationships between fathers/sons & daughters.

Mike - I know your Dad's day isn't till September here, but there is so much love and energy I want to wish you a Happy Fathers Day this June.......Watch over Harmony as I know you do each and every day.......Those big brown eyes, no mistaking her as your baby girl......Love you my son.....

Picture of Harmony and Aunty Mel.....Beautiful Brown Eyed Girls...

[briansdad]

Thanks, I hope you all enjoyed it.

Trudi, the song is by Marc Cohn- The things we handed down.

http://brian-klocke.memory-of.com/Uploads/Videos/Video633490743851298750.wmv

The Things We’ve Handed Down

Don’t know much about you

Don’t know who you are

We’ve been doing fine without you

But we could only go so far

Don’t know why you chose us

Were you watching from above

was there someone there that knows us

Said we’d give you all our love

Will you laugh just like your mother

Will you sigh like your old man

Will some things skip a generation

Like I’ve heard they often can

Are you a poet or a dancer

A devil or a clown

Or a strange new combination of

The things we’ve handed down

I wonder who you’ll look like

Will your hair fall down and curl

Will you be a mama’s boy

Or daddy’s little girl

Will you be a sad reminder

Of what’s been lost along the way

Maybe you can help me find her

In the things you do and say

And these things that we have given you

They are not so easily found

But you can thank us later

For the things we’ve handed down

You may not always be so grateful

For the way that you were made

Some feature of your father’s

That you’d gladly sell or trade

And one day you may look at us

And say that you were cursed

But over time that line has been

Extremely well rehearsed

By our fathers, and their fathers

In some old and distant town

From places no one here remembers

Come the things we’ve handed down

[johnnysmama]

Greg

I came on to wish you a Happy Father's Day and to thank you for all the gifts you bring to all of us and then watched your video. I don't have the words that are big enough for the gift you gave all of us. The many gifts you give to all of us everyday. All I have is thank you. Our kids are all so beautiful and full of life. How can they be gone??? The music was perfect as always. I have to think Brian is by your side everyday helping us through you. He knows what a great Dad and person you are. Thanks Brian and Greg. Happy Father's Day. Brian, give your Dad a hug from us.

 

Love and peace,

Kay and John (Johnny's Dad)

Johnny~forever in our hearts...

[kalimac]

Happy Fathers Day, Greg.

Thank you so much for the absolutely beautiful video.

Patty R

Mom to Nathan

11.13.87 - 2.11.08

[daveydow1]

For Greg,

   Happy Fathers Day to you, and all fathers of angels. Thank you soooo

much for the video. It is just beautiful, and the song--so nice. All our kids

are such a wonderful bunch of young people, and we all miss them so much.

Thanks again--the video is perfect.

 

 Johnnysmom, Kay,

Thank you for your kind words and for lighting a candle on Davey's angel day.

We got through ok. As usual, the days leading up to angel days are very often

more painful than the actual day. We visited his grave, and with the breeze

and the call of the crow, we found peace there.

 

Terri, and Patty, 

Such a wonderful photo of sweet Heather with the dolphin, and Nate with his

poodle dog. Since our children have passed over, that makes these photos

that much more precious to us. Each time we look at them, it's like a little glimpse

of them in their heavenly home.

  Peace to all here at BI.

                                             Daveysmom,  Sherry

 

[mamabets]

For briansdad~ Firever and ever and longer than that...

YOU ARE TRULY AMAZING, AND "THE MAN" THAT FOREVER SHOWS UP.....

I love you, Greg,

mamabets

[mikesmum]

Greg - The words are so fitting....you truly have a gift -  to seek and find the right words at the right time..........Thank you....

[heathershope]

Patty R....I wish I knew what the peace was that apparently your son had as well as my Heather.  Where did it come from?  With Heather it was really against her nature to be so at peace with anything. Prior to getting sick she was like a tornado moving through life.  after her diagnosis it's like a shift occurred in her very being, an acceptence, not neccessarily liking it, but accepting it, and making the best of a horrific situation.  She put me to shame with her courage as she most definately showed more than I could muster. 

Carol....It's kind of nice to hear your son had the same kind of experience, makes me believe the spirit of God was there providing them peace in their souls at a time when chaos could have run rampant.

If I recall your situations were much like ours, by the time diagnosis was made it was stage 4 and only palliative treatment could be offered?  Triumph in adversity, there is honor in that.  we can be very proud of our kids.

Terri

[heathershope]

Carol...I have to comment that Heathers end was much like Mikes.  In a short span of time we went from being out and about, with assistance of wheel chairs when Heather ws too tired to exactly as you said "in the space of two weeks" her life force slipped away and we were in the end.  Looking back now I wonder too how I could not have been more aware of the end coming.  I knew it was coming, but at the time she started her rapids decline I would have believed a few months, not weeks.  I look back at pictures now and see it happening, but at the time I was so focused on the here and now I did not see the changes as drastically as they truely were until they "all of the sudden snuck up on me" and then she was gone.  The last weeks she was so emaciated and looked like a skelton with skin on it, but I swear three weeks before that she was thin, but she looked good.

For Dee...I cry at the thought of your experience.  Too fast, too much to take in and accept at once.  For all of you who lost your children suddenly I don't know how you made it through.  I suppose the same blessed numbness that came with Heathers death came to you as well, only more quickly.  Bless your hearts, I don't know what I would have done had Heather died suddenly.  Carried on as I do now I guess.  We have all been dealt a bad hand of cards but we have to play the hand we're dealt.  We're all great bluffers by now I bet

Greg...I thank you and my husband thanks you for the wonderful tribute.  Heather was most definately "daddy's little princess" and he is having an extremely hard time with this, as are all the dads, I know.

Terri

[heathershope]

At the risk of being a message board hog...I want to share my son and grand daughter with you all.  Meet Josh and Madalyn Rose Heather...named so for her aunt of course. This is what wil get my husband through fathers day.  Madalyn is his "sweet pea" now, Heather forever his butterfly.

Terri

[heartbeataway]

Madalyn Rose Heather - beautiful name, beautiful baby, beautiful aunt ...  I loved the picture of Heather and the dolphin.

Our son died suddenly and totally unexpectantly. He had heart disease. The first manifestation was sudden death. We know what it's like to get that phone call and have your world fall apart. I found the contemplation that it would somehow be worst to have it happen suddenly interesting.  We have actually felt blessed that his death was sudden.  Jason was mud and trucks -  all boy who became all man.  His heart was essentially dying and he basically was walking around in congestive heart failure and no one knew.

If he had shown symptoms, he would no doubt had a pacemaker installed. Both ventricles of his heart were involved so he would in time need a new one.  I have such a hard time understanding how he could be so sick and not know it.  He had a physical in October and other than his blood pressure being a little elevated, he was deemed healthy.

How can he be gone?

But, as hard as it was to live through that phone call and the days following. I don't think I would have the strength to watch him day after day and say good-bye as he took his final breath.  He went quickly, in a place he loved and having fun with good friends. We're thankful that he didn't suffer. He had no stages, no hospital stays, no chemo or radiation, no surgery,no decline,  no wheel chair ............ he just died.  You are the ones I think of with a heavy heart.

Bless you ........... each of you.

JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

[ericasmom]

Greg, oh my heavens, Greg, the video is so incredibly beautiful, I thank you for the amazing tribute to our kids, to all the Fathers, to all of us simply missing our children. You truly do have a way with the timing and music and my heart is just so very grateful. The lyrics fit like a glove to our hearts. Thanks very much, very much. I wish I could send it to ERi's dad who lives three blocks from here, but he does not own a computer. He would benefit from meeting with other Dads who have had their hearts broken, but he just keeps himself pretty isolated.

I agree, we are all dealt a bad hand in losing our kids, watching them as their illness progresses or losing them suddenly...we all have a similar heart----shattered. We work to put our pieces back together again, new shape, new feel, with a space reserved for that precious child that left so early. I would say that this place, that all of you are a big reason my heart beats as it does. Thank you.

To all, may you all be well and feeling the love of your sons and daughters.

Dee

Quick poem, just about the moment of time that changed the world.

Paper Fans

In a narrow spate of time

a tiny slant of possiblility existed

unfolding like a child's paper fan,

but she fell into the next fold-

and her time here was over.

[ericasmom]

Harmony and Madelyn Rose Heather are beautiful girls, carrying on in the love of your angels. Harmony relly looks like Mike. The babies make me grin.

[summergirl]

Greg - I can not tell you how much my husband and I loved the video - we just got back from dinner and I thought I haven't been on since Thursday and was feeling the need to talk to my friends and there was this beautiful, wonderful amazing video with our smiling children in it and the song was the perfect choice - cannot say thank you enough!! Brian is/was a wonderful man as his father is.  Happy Father's Day to you.

Terri - Madalyn is absolutely beautiful and she will certainly be "sweet pea" to her grandpa - to have a grandchild is an amazing miracle and they bring you joy when you think there is nothing that can bring joy to your life again. Tavian is at his other grandmother's, celebrated Father's Day with Disneyland dad but it is something we have to do as we know Jessica would want it - she always told us that she wanted Tavian's dad to be a part of his life even though they were not together but he neer fulfilled that wish while Jessica was here - even now it is few and far between but as Tavian gets older he will start making the decision on "who" he wants to spend time with.  I miss him sooooooo much when he is away but again we need to do what we must. Enjoy that little sweet pea every chance you get. Do you mind if I ask why you say that Heather will always be her dad's "Butterfly"?  I only ask as that is what my husband calls Jessica - his butterfly.

Bonnie - I received your package, thank you so much - I have not read it yet, I do not know why but I am not ready. I have it next to my bed and like all else in my life the right time will come and I will. It was so thoughtful and sweet of you.  I have to say I agree with you, I have often wondered if it were better that we got the knock on our door from our police friends about Jessica rather that watch her slowly lose her life knowing there was nothing you could do - neither way is "good" and no one is ever given a choice of what we would want - that is the thing about death - our choice would be to never let them go, to trade places with them, anything but let them go. However, I do not think I would have the strength to watch Jessica lie in a hospital bed waiting for a new heart or a miracle but on the other hand I was here when she came into the world and I almost wish I could have been there when she went out.

This Father's Day was hard on my husband as I am sure it is for all dad's out there. I sent the poem I wrote to my sister-in-law Jen and she put it all together for me - she put a picture at the top of Jessica with the clouds behind her and a butterfly with the words I Love You Dad and below she put the poem with a picture of Jessica and her dad together - it came out so beautiful - I will post a picture of it. The tears flowed when my husband opened it, he had not even read the poem yet and was crying - he told me it was the most precious gift he ever received besides Jessica - I was so glad that he loved it as it was from my heart to his. 

Good night to all and again thank you Greg for such a wonderful tribute to all our children - I believe that you now the official video man and we all will be waiting for the next time you tell us your ready to do another one!!!!  God Bless you.

Kathy

[ericasmom]

Sue, I am sorry to have not responded to your post yesterday. It being one year since the day Shelby went into the hospital. I was unable to go online until today and I am still catching up. I am holding you in my heart as you experience this strange place, the anniversary of sadness. I am so sorry that you ever had to know of this place, sorry that you ever had to feel this pain, prayers are with you and the whole family. Peace somehow,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Greg:  thank you so much for the memories you have compiled into a beautiful slide show, with a truly wonderful song.  My heart is overwhelmed with your generosity.  I do hope that you had a peaceful father's day, filled with wonderful memories of your precious son, Brian.

Terri:  Yes I too believe "We're all great bluffers by now I bet."  And yes, Mike was the same way as Heather...went through life like a speeding train to anywhere, but when it came time to follow his heart to his eternal life, he slowed down and enjoyed the moment-by-moment of the ride...and spread that sense of peace and acceptance to all of us who had the privilege of knowing and loving him.  The pain that constantly flows into the hole that will forever be in my heart is tempered by the legacy of love he left there.   

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[daniellemom]

Greg,

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!!! Brian must be so proud to be your son!! You mean the world to me!! Thank you!! I hope the memories of Brian were held close to you yesterday to help you throught Father's Day.

Sonya

[missingchris]

[glow=darkred]Greg:[/glow]

What do I say? After these years of sharing and suffering together, all you've done for me and mine. Thank you just doesnt seem enough. the video was beyond words. You mean the world to me, and to Rich & Dakota.

To everyone else:

It's been a long time since I've been on here. I'm sorry to see so many new faces, but you've found the right place to be. So many here can help you through whatever you face. They gave me the courage to move on, and to live again. Thank you to those ones, you know who you are.

[bigmikesmom]

Greg,

AMAZING! The video is beautiful. Thank you for all your hard work and your compassion and love. I hope someday I can do something for you in return.

With love and sincere gratitude.

Patti-BigMikesMom

[daveydow1]

For Mamabets,

On this--Danny's angel day---may you find peace and serenity in all

the wonderful memories you have of Danny. I'm sure they are countless.

You have helped so many people here--including me, and inspire us all

to keep on living, knowing that there are so many ups and downs. Bleak

sad days, and ones that are better. The pain never goes away, but does

soften, in time.  Thanks for all your wisdom, and for lovingly sharing it

with all here at BI.   Peace be with you always.

                                              Daveysmom,  Sherry  

[daveydow1]

Heartbeataway,

Speaking for myself, I am also glad that my son did not suffer, have to use a

wheelchair, have surgeries etc.  He was killed in a violent highway crash,

and died within one hour. He never regained consiousness. Yes, the news

that he had died nearly killed us, but after this length of time for me (5 yrs.),

I am thankful that he was taken quickly. Your Jason was doing what he liked,

and enjoying all his friends. I'm sure that is comforting to you. On this rough

road we are on, we have to grasp anything that brings us peace in our hearts.

May you have tranquility in your day.

                                             Daveysmom,   Sherry

[mikesmum]

Betsy - You are in my thoughts today.  Superman is flying high.  One thing I have learnt, and you my friend are a great teacher, is that our children are never gone from us.....the bond is never broken, love never ends.

Danny is with you in many ways.  Your beautiful grandbabies, growing so fast, those signs that appear, a gentle nudge to let you know you he is with you.

May the day bring sunshine to your beautiful garden, your memories of Danny warm your heart and may you always know that you have eased the load of many here just by being you.

Take Care........

Danny a rainbow, or if its really hot, a gentle breeze, your mum is one amazing lady.

[ericasmom]

Betsy, as you travel through the day and night, may you feel the presence of Danny. I know that the days leading up to today may have been hard, but today marks a time in your life that meant setting your Boy free. He loves you from everywhere he is,as you do him. His children are filled by his love and will also spread joy in this world, as your Boy has.

It is so, you have helped so many with your kind heart, your sweet words, and I hope that we can do the same for you. God Bless You and All the Family.

Peace-

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Betsy:  You have been in my thoughts today and I do hope that Danny has surrounded you with his usual signs of his love.  You have shared so much of your wisdom, inspired by Danny, with so many of us.  Please know that you are a treasure to all of us amd we are blessed to have your company, though I wish you never had reason to be here.

love and peace,  Carol, mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Sherry,

On your child's Memorial Day you send me an email ....... bless your broken heart. I hope you found comfort and peace today.

I've been doing alot of thinking lately. Life for us is complex right now. We feel like we've made the Universe angry in some way and it's decided to make us pay. We encounter one challenge after another lately and we are getting weary.

It's scary to think that this journey of grief will always be our greatest challenge........ other challenges may or will resolve in one way or another but the loss of Jason will never be reconciled and the wounds will never heal. You've traveled this road for five years.  Five years ............ I'm struggling to accept that we are approaching 14 months.  And we have the rest of our life to go ..........

It's absolutely more than my little mind can wrap it's self around.  HOW CAN HE BE GONE? 

I find very little joy in anything. I try, I really do.  I put on a good act but inside I am dying, minute by minute, day by day, breath after breath .......... HOW CAN HE BE GONE?

I try to live a life that will make my son proud of his Mom and I know that my husband wants to make a difference, the kind of difference that Jay would have made. Jason was inherently good ............ his heart though physical broken was big and he was a loving, giving person.  HOW CAN HE BE GONE?

Jason was my greatest joy ......... my only child. The pride of my being. He was my future and the representation of my past once I left this world. He was going to make me a grandmother and take care of me when I got too old to take care of myself. HOW CAN HE BE GONE?

I would give him my heart, my breath .......... my life if it were possible. Instead, he has my eternal gratitude for bringing me happiness. Allowing me to be what I wanted most in this world to be, a Mom. He made me proud and continues to do so. But even with a heart full of warm happy memories, I can't be satisified. I can't call my memories, I can't sit down and have dinner with my memories, I can't see my memories smile or hear their voice. I can't hug my memories. I can't even miss my memories .......... they never go away. And on days like today when I should be grateful for my memories. I'm not because they hurt and I want more .......... they say you always want what you can't have, and I'm no exception. I want my memories to come back to life...............

HOW CAN HE BE GONE?    JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

 

[shuugar]

Mamabets

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?' 'Because I'm a woman,' she told him.

'I don't understand,' he said. His Mom just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.'

Later the little boy asked his father, 'Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?'

'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the 'phone, he asked, 'God, why do women cry so easily?'

God said:

'When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,

yet gentle enough to give comfort

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.'

'You see my son,' said God, 'the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides.'

CRY, CRY CRY , BETSEY

GREG,

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING MY SON JAMES IN YOUR BEAUTIFUL TRIBUTE TO FATHER'S DAY

[kathy714]

BETSY,YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS ,I HAVEN'T POSTED HERE IN AWHILE,I WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I AM THINKING OF YOU ,DANNY AND ALL OUR ANGELS,LIKE YOU ALWAYS SAY.....THEY ARE IN A MUCH BETTER PLACE,BECAUSE THEY ARE HERE THERE AND EVERYWHERE.....LOVE,KATHY,XOXOX

[missingchris]

Bets......

 

Was gone all day yesterday, but I hope you knew we were thinking of you. Dakota sends HUGS AND KISSES.

[heartbeataway]

Betsey,  On your Memorial Day, I hope you found strenghth and peace at heart. These are tough days.  I found this not long after our son left.  The words warm my heart and I hope they do the same for you .........

............ May the spirit of this child who lives so deep within your heart help you through this month and this day and through every moment of the re-establishing of your life.       ..........  C. Reeve, TCF

JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

[daniellemom]

Bets,

May you be be wrapped in the memorials of Danny today, you are in my thoughts and prayers on this memorial day.

Sonya

[lorismom]

Dear Sherry and Betsy ~ I have been away from BI for a while and am sorry I missed your childrens' angel days. I hope you both were able to find some peace and joy in memories that you shared with your dear sons, Davey and Danny. I remember when I joined BI a little over 2 years ago and both of you dear ladies welcomed me with open arms. I thank you so much for your loving support and understanding and I know that Davey and Danny are so proud of you both. Love, Patty