Loss of an Adult Child

[lovekristy4ever]

Sonya,

Sound good.  It will just be two months of Father's day since Kristy died.  I don't know what kind of day I will have until I wake up in the morning.  It is such a roller coaster!  I am going back to work at the end of the month and going to have 1/2 days for the first week.  Hopefully it will help keep my mind busy.  Maybe that would be a good time to meet for lunch.

I tried to attached a picture but it gave me an error so I'm not sure how to do it.

Love,

Terry

[ericasmom]

Sonya

the girls were meant to know one another and they were meant to stay together. My how very special their union is.

The photos are all so wonderful, and Greg, your new daughter-in-law looks like a friendly and loving person. God Bless their marriage.

Kristy's Mom, you are reaching out at an early stage, my heart to you. Your girl is so lovely.

I will try to resize photos so as to send you scenes from Eri's life too. Until then, I was writing one day and thinking heavily, as we all probably do from time to time, about TIME. About the inevitability of that minute, that slice of a moment...

Paper Fans

In a narrow spate of time-

a tiny slant of possibility existed,

unfolding like a child's paper fan...

but she fell into the next fold-

and her time here was over.

Dee

[daniellemom]

Greg,

Rob and your daughter-in-law look very happy my pray for them is that have a long wonderful marriage.

Dee,

What a poem, it brought tears to my eyes. You are such a special person with such insight.

Terry,

You are so right on the roller coaster! I came back to work after a week but to tell the truth I didn't do much work. Good luck with going back to work, I hope they will be gentle with you and you with yourself.

Sonya

[heartbeataway]

 

Jason playing in the leaves after helping rake them up in a pile........

[heartbeataway]

Jason with his dog, Jackson at the festival in Herndon, Virginia

[heartbeataway]

Greg.  I've been waiting for you to post a picture from the wedding.  What a striking couple.  Congratulations to all of you!

Terry,  you are so new to this hardest of all life's journeys. You are still raw with the pain of loss.  The days will get easier in time and you will find yourself a little stronger.  All you can do right now is try to get through time...... early on in my journey, I was told to take it one hour at a time.  Plan something and don't plan anymore than an hour ahead.  It actually worked for me ......   I wish you healing.  I know how hard this is for you.  Unfortunately,  everyone here does.  You have come to the right place.  Pour your heart out with you keyboard and we will read and understand. 

 JasonH's Mom, Bonnie

[johnnysmama]

Dear Bigmikesmom

I finally had time to view your posted videos and i must say I cried all the way through them. What a beautiful boy. What fun he had. You could see all the love everyone has for him. Thank you for sharing him with us.

Peace, Kay

[johnnysmama]

Terry

I am so sorry for the loss of Kristy. She is beautiful. I think you are doing so well for how short a time it has been. You must be a very strong person. I am glad you post here-post all you need to-we will listen.

 

Greg

Your son Rob and his wife look so in love and happy. It was nice to see. Thank you for sharing their happiness with us.

 

Mikesmum

I love all the pics of Mike with the babies. He had so much love.

 

Sonya

Danielle's warmth and love shines through her bright smile. I agree with Dee. For them to pass together after growing up together. Hmmm. There are no coincidences.

 

Bonnie

The picture with the arms up with your beautiful words was overwhelming. All the people that love him. Was there something on the jeep you were sitting on in memory of him?

 

Anyone i missed I am sorry as you and your children are so beautiful and are the bright spot in my day. Thank you.

 

Peace,Kay

[ericasmom]

Kay,

I thank you for your kind words, and I said that in my post that was lost and forgot to add it in my quickie post last night. I was unable to join all of you and felt strange without my daily or atleast every-other day gathering here. You are a dear to noitce my absence. Erica's 5th mark of leaving is coming and I am feeling tosy-turvy. July 8th was the day she was hit, adn she died July 14th, 2003. How could it possibly be 5 years? I guess that is my issue with the abstraction of time.

Sonya, glad you liked it, it feels like the way life unfolds, pleated adn fwonderful for so much of it, and then happenstance...o r perhaps not, but it seems so. I love all the photos of your girl, she is a warm hearted girl. Her smile zeroes in on ones heart.

Love the photo of all the hands up in the air sending love to your Son. Oh, so heartfelt..

Peace to All,

Dee

[heartbeataway]

Thanks Kay,  I love the picture also.  It wasn't wide enough to include everyone that was there.  The banner was a tribute to Jay that was on his jeep at the memorial. It said, "Resting High on The Mountain".  The picture was one of Jay with his arms up......

 

I'm attaching a picture of his jeep at the pavilion after the memorial that shows the banner a little better.

Thanks!

[heartbeataway]

Dee, I've lost a few postings trying to add a picture also.  Pretty frustrating!  This is how I solved the problem.  I copy the posting (Ctrl C) before I browse for the picture. That way, if the picture is too large, all I have to do is paste (Ctrl V) the copied posting into a new message.  Good Luck!  JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

[summergirl]

Hello to all - I have been having problems with my computer so have not been able to come on untill tonight and it is still giving me trouble but I am hoping it will hold out long enough for me to say hello and how much I have missed talking to everyone. All of the pictures are so great - I am crying and laughing at the same time.  I am going to post a few pictures now before my computer starts going crazy again. I want to get them on for you Greg and hopefully tomorrow I can post a few more. Love to all and Bless you - hope to have my computer back in shape within a few days or it's a phone call to Dell for a new one - cannot go without my BI friends for to long or I am lost.  Kathy

The first one is when I caught Jessica "smoking"!!

Second one is her swimming under watr in the pool with two friend (she is on left looking at screen)

The third is getting caught eating out of the cereal box.

[summergirl]

Jessica

[summergirl]

Jessica my love - I am missing you so much - how I wish I could come around the kitchen door and find you standing there "pigging out" on cereal!! My heart cries to hear your voice say "hey mom, I love you, call me in the morning". Anything at all would never be enough yet I still long for it.

[briansdad]

Here is Brian's baby and my daughter Jess

[heartbeataway]

Greg, you have a beautiful family!  Your grand baby sures looks like her Daddy. She's growing up more and more in every picture you post!  Time does fly doesn't it? 

summersgirl -  I hope you sleep tonight.  Blessings to you .........

JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

[briansdad]

Here is something I had on Brian's site I like it so I'll share it.

That time runs out before one's life work is completed by no means makes it worthless. The fragmentary quality of life does not detract from its meaning. It is not the length of its span that we can ever draw conclusions as to life's meaningfulness. We cannot, after all, judge a biography by its length, by the number of pages in it; we must judge by the richness of its content. The exuberant life of one who has died young certainly has more content and meaning than the existence of some long-lived dullard.

Sometimes the "unfinisheds" are among the most beautiful symphonies.

By Vic Frank

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - Love the pic of Jason and the 'dog'(?).  Absolutely love the high country where he now rests........so peaceful.

Dee - It seems more the dates leading up to the days than the days themselves that find us unsettled or topsy turvy.  Sending you lots of energy in these coming weeks...

Greg - Love the words...how true.  Beautiful pictures of your son & wife, daughter and grandbaby.  Brians girl, growing so fast.........

Kathy - The essence of Jess........ to hear the door open or find her there checking out the 'good stuff' in the pantry.  Mike used look for "the good stuff" we never had when we were growing up!!  Steve still does!

Kay - He truly did have such a connection borne from within....still with us now...

  Love ya Mike - Mum

[ericasmom]

Thanks Bonnie, I will try to remember. It seems I was able to post photos before and unable now...hmmm. Hey, the banner on the truck is fabulous, he is one well-loved adn thought of individual your Jason. Clearly a wonderful young man.

Greg, your grand-girl and your daughter share the same shape face. So pretty they are, smiling out and reflecting your Brian.

Kath,

I hope that you dream a pretty dream of Jessica tonight, the kind that are visits and they soothe your soul so readily, allowing you to feel the peace they have.

Mikesmum,

thanks, I know the anxiousness begins and builds and usually subsides or morphs really, into something else on her actual days. I think this year, that I need to go to Michigan to visit the place where she was hit. I want to go there on the 8th and then I would like to visit Bronson Trauma Center and just thank the trauma staff if at all possible. They were an amazing group of people. Even the custodian each morning asked how our girl did through the night. I slept in a sleeping bag on the floor of the trauma ER along with my son, my ex-husband, my husband, my sister-in-law, my own sisters and nieces and nephews would stay until about 2:00AM and then go sleep at Jonathan's and Eri's or at the local motels.  I couldn't leave. Each day, over 80 friends and ffamily members sat on the grounds or in the ER waiting with us, praying, wishing, hoping for a miracle. Young people with such hope, and I told them each as gently as I could, that ERI was not going to live, that she couldn't now. She was hanging out long enough for all of her dearest friends to get there to say goodbye. Each day the hospital telephone operator came to tell us how many calls came in about our daughter. One day there were over 500 calls. The town was upset that after fighting for  a long time to have the roads and track configured differently, a young lady had to be hit in what was an unnecessary situation. Oh that tiny slant of time. Of possibility.

I miss you Bing, sis, petunia, little one, bear, mona, erz, rica, eri-eileen, bird...I miss you and all the names we used in your short and dynamic life.

No matter the length of life, no matter the being, the life is a full circle from beginning to end.

My heart to you Lovely People,

Dee

[heathershope]

Hi everybody.  I have not been on in a while and would not have been able to tell you why.  Then I came on and saw Jessica's moms post about longing to come around the corner and see Jessica pigging out on cereal.  That is why I have not been on.  I have so much longing and missing and did not know how to express it or even have the energy to try.  The truth is I have been in a cave waiting and begging for this to all not be real and hoping to wake up from the nightmare.  I can't wake up.

The next best thing was to hide from it.  I figured if I was here writing it would be true and Heather would be dead.  Why else would I be on an online group for parents who had lost their children.  I didn't get all this while it was happening.  I just kept thinking about getting on and kept saying...NO!!!  I chalked it up to being tired or busy, but the truth is I didn't want to belong to your group, and for that I am sorry, but I trust you will understand.  Nothing personal to all you wonderful people, you are just members of a shitty group, excuse my poor language and I didn't want to belong anymore.  I'm tired of belonging.  I have a whole life of this I know and it scares me to death.  I am feeling great anxiety about the passing of time and the realization that this empty hollow feeling in my soul is going to be here forever. 

I know you all feel the same pain and maybe it makes me weak that I couldn't handle it and I ran from it.  I know my pain is no less than anyone of yours.  I am glad that when I came back I see that the same strong individuals with their words of wisdom were here, plugging along with a courage I couldn't muster for a while.  Thank you for being steadfast and strong.  I will try to foloow suit again.

Terri

[johnnysmama]

Kathy, Dee, Terri, Sonya, Terry- What gorgeous girls-I can't get past that. They are so beautiful and precious.

 

Kathy, Jessica's hair-it is phenomenal. What is with how cute and fun all our kids were? Not fair. Her pictures are so cute-her spark shines through. She seems like the type that would be ornery but that I would have a hard time getting mad at-too sweet.

 

Greg-Oh my gosh Brian's daughter does look like her aunt (who by the way is BEAUTIFUL, too) and she sure has Brian's eyes and sweet smile. She is his twin for sure. You have a beautiful family-thank you for sharing the pictures from your son's wedding.

 Bonnie-thank you for posting Jason's banner. What a wonderful gesture. What a very fun, special and cool person he was and what a special way to remember that.

Dee-It is so surreal how time passes and our immense pain softens at times but then feels like they just left us at others. How can that be? I quit putting a time limit on when I would be "better" or back to "normal" as I know now I never will be. I can't let myself go to the place anymore where I think how many more years I have without Johnny. It is too hard to keep going on with life when I do. I found it interesting that you feel the need to go back to her accident site. I often wonder if I ever will. We went there last Sept when it had been 6 months. I dreaded it but needed to go. We traveled from Ohio to Fort Bliss, Texas. I got out of the car and put the cross and flowers down. Said a prayer and got back in the car. I told my husband I did not "feel" Johnny there. He does not know this place. My husband felt the same thing, Then we looked around and said why didn't he go off the road instead of into the truck? My husband said he will never go back but I have a feeling I might. Don't know. I feel like I don't know much anymore as nothing seems to help. Five years seems like a time to go back I think. Keep posting as Eri's angel date gets closer-we are all here to listen, support and care as you do for all of us ALL the time. I love all the names you have for Eri-so sweet and precious and loved.

 

Peace to you all,

Kay

[johnnysmama]

Terri

I am so sorry for all your pain and heartache and I wish I could take it away for you and for us all. I sit here and cry as I read your post. For you, for me, for us all.

You are NOT weak. You are trying to survive. We all want you to survive. You need to do what you need to do to get through this. The pain will never go away I am afraid. I am sure we all do what we need to do to survive here. There is no right or wrong. Sometimes I can't read or post either. I feel like I can not help anyone and I am so sad at times I don't want to bring that here. So do what it is you need to do to go on. Do it for Heather. I am trying my best for Johnny. My best sometimes is to stay in my pajamas and eat like a football player. But somehow I breath in and out and I put one foot in front of another. But my feet hurt so badly and my shoes are so worn from this journey. It does suck. I think our kids our partying in paradise and we are here with our hearts shattered in a million pieces. Not fair. I don't have the answer on how to do this either. But I do know I care about you Terri. I know everyone here does as they show it everyday. Know we care and we want to help you. Maybe thats what we are to learn from this excrutiating pain-how to help others in it. I don't know. You do what helps you but know we are here, with you,  listening, caring, holding you close as we can. Missing our kids, too...

Hugs to you and peace, Kay

[daniellemom]

Terri,

I know I have felt like you do right now during this journey, it so mind consuming maybe that's not the right words but it's never ending. I sometime think I'm doing OK not better but coping and then bam, it's back again full force like the first days. It's 8 months today I've been aware that it would be 8 months today all last week and this week but would not say it to anyone because the 6 month mark was so terrible for me. Then when I said something to my husband he didn't even realize then that made him feel bad but I was glad that he didn't but wished I had said nothing. You must do what is best for you and what you need to do to survive your life.

Kay,

Your words are so very kind and heart felt, what you wrote to Terri was beautiful. About your feet and shoes it's so true, I saw a guy from high school today at lunch and he looked 10 years younger than me, I'm thinking why do I look so much older than him, then I said a prayer for his family that they all stay safe and well so we will always look 10 years younger than me. Bless you for your words of wisdom. Johnny is such a handsome man/boy, he will always be your boy! And such a thinker!!! I had to laugh at that picture and the one about too much Christmas!! Such wonderful memories for you.

Sonya

[daveydow1]

For Terri,

You have nothing to apologize for---in not being able to read/post for

a period of time. Also, for NOT wanting to be a part of this journey we

are all on.  I think we have ALL felt this way from time to time, especially

in the early months.  Everyone has to go at their own speed on this rough

and bumpy road, and you are just trying to survive, as someone said. I

have had periods where I have had to step back for awhile and avoid BI,

but have come back. I am so sorry for your suffering, and pray that you

can somehow find some peace. Your sweet daughter, Heather, is a lovely

girl.    Peace be with you ,Terri.

                                           Daveysmom,   Sherry

[summergirl]

Terri - I am sorry that I made you cry talking about Jessica and all of the things I wish I could have back but it is something I do quite frequently on this journey. The first time I came on I just read for a month or so as I could not bring myself to write anything as I did not want to feel a part of this group because as you said I had to face the fact that I was joing a group of people who had lost a child and I was not ready to say "Hi I am Kathy and my daughter Jessica passed away Feb. 18, 2006. It was as though by saying it, writting it, made it TRUE and I was not ready for that, still am not. When I finally got the courage up to post it was hard but the replys I received of such love, caring, understanding and acceptance that I realized it was what I had been looking for for a long time. There is not anyone in my life who I am very close to who has suffered the loss of a child so it is hard to talk about how I am feeling to family and friends, they do not "get it" (and I hope they never do) but here I have found a place to be who I am without having to "avoid" talking about Jessica because I make them uncomfortable. It has been said that we all move at our own pace, there is no wrong or right way of grieving. Just last night I was in the kitchen fixing dinner and suddenly I had a total meltdown, crying and screaming to God to give my daughter back to me, on my knees - it slams you from out of no where and I believe it always will but I know that without all of these wonderful people on BI I would not have the strength that I have now, so many words of wisdom from those who have been on this journey far longer then me and those only a short time - we are here to help in any way we can whenever you need us, any time day or night - I hope you stay with us but take your time and know we are all here, we love you and cry for you and welcome you when ever you are ready. Kathy

Greg - your daughter Jess is so beautiful and Brian's girl is just that - Brian's girl - such a great picture - how proud you are.  Loved the words you printed from Brian's site - so true.

Bonnie - no, sleep does not come easily to me, on and off until my body finally shuts down and I fall into a deep sleep only to hear the alarm go off!! Thank you though for your kind words.

Dee - I have only had one dream of Jessica - Tavian and I were holding hands standing on a hill top and Jessica was down below with her back to us, all dressed in a beautiful white flowing gown - no words or looks were exchanged, we just stood there and watched her walk away. No dreams since and I guess maybe I am not ready yet, I do not know.

Kay - Yes my Jessica had the most beautiful hair - all natural and it matched her spirit. Yes she was ornery and stubborn and as independent as they come but you are right I could never stay mad at her for long and too tell you the truth she never really gave me a reason to be mad at her - maybe my mind has blocked out all the little teenage fights we had, the slamming of her bedroom door!! I am certainly reminded of it now though with Tavian as he has all of the same traits as his mommy and has a tendency to tell me "I am going to my room and you are not allowed in and I don't want to talk to you right now" and when I say ok, I will leave you alone he replies "well, you can talk to me later but not now" - so funny but on the other hand I have to reel him in and let him know I am the adult and he the child!!

Here are a few more pictures.  Love to all - Kathy

This is Jessica on the beach letting my friends children bury her in the sand, they made a mermaid out of her!!

  

[summergirl]

This is Tavian when he was so little and loved going through mommy's pocketbook.

[summergirl]

And this is the new addition to the family. My Brother-in-law and sister-in-law adopted her - she was born the day after Easter and her name is Madison Jessica. She is such a miracle and Jen truely believes that Jessica had a hand in bringing Madison Jessica to them.

[mamabets]

For ericasmam~ You and Sherry have tomorrow with sweet Eri and dear Davey... Me and my Danny the 16th...

I know that we all know that they are with us for all eternity..Please, please know that my weekend will be celebrated in my garden for ALL of our angels here, not just ours, as there are daisies growing OVER the top of the deck, and there are these BEAUTIFUL red lillies everywhere...Lavender morning glories looking through our magnificent gardenias....

These thumbs of mine are not green!! I just open packets of seeds and blow "caution to the wind" for them all... My prayers of "Live, love and laugh, wherever you may be", continue to get answered through this garden...

...and through my garden of love right here with all of you~

LOVE

mamabets

 

[mamabets]

For briansdad~ Alyssa and Jess...I weep with joy as I look in to their eyes...What a GORGEOUS sign of a love filled day....

LOVE

mamabets

[ericasmom]

Kathy, I would say that Jess had a big hand in bringing that sweet child into the lives of your family. She is gorgeous, like her name-sake.

Sounds like the dream you had was peaceful. I have not had  one for some time now, but when I do, I generally feel high all day long.

Sonya, your not wanting to tell folks the anniversary date is so dear. Not wanting others to feel badly that they did not know. For the first 2.5 years, the 8th adn the 14th of each month caused me discomfort. (hit date, death date). I did acknowledge them by writing a letter to all of ERi's friends and cousins on either of those dates each month. After that time, I am more private about it though many of the kids/adults ask to still receive letters. I write now about 4 or 5 times per year on her dates.

Kay, there are people in this world with huge hearts and I believe you are one of them. Your words are lovely adn thaey are always like a warm blanket to an ache. YOu reach out in wasy that make people remember to breathe. The tired feet comment was RIGHT ON! Johnny must be very proud of you. I agree, going back to the spot where she was hit won't give me a big sense of ERi, I get that often right here and in various places, but I think the 5 year marks something in me...I need to see the reconfiguration that was done in her name, and I need to just be at the spot where life changed so drastically. She loved that town, she really enjoyed the 11 months of time that she lived there, probably had some of her finest times in that town. I will keep you posted as to how I approach that day.

Terri, hiding does not mean weak, we have all hid before, knowing that it wouldn't change the facts but allowing some time to fantasize or pretend, or avoid or go nuts...whatever the reason, we have all hid. There were times I could not answer the door knowing a good hearted human waited on the other side but I had no energy for any conversation. Some days I feel I must conserve all that I have in order to just go thorugh the motions of a normal day. Other times, I have huge amounts of energy and then some to spare...most days I feel ERi and am fueled by her, by the ways my heart beats to her love. I know that each day I must try to find ways to both celebrate her life and to set her free. That is a tall order and some days not possible. In each day, I ask myself, how have I honored her spirit?

Believe me though Terri, there were days when I was under a rock and wanted to stay there. Grief sucks your energy and not posting or reading is one way you found to conserve yours. It isn't that the people on here are stronger than you, it is just your turn to melt a bit and take cover.

I know it is a broken record of mine however at the risk of repetition, grief takes a huge toll on our bodies and minds; drink a ton of water and maybe cranberry and green teas, eat protein in each meal, take your vitamins to help your body deal with the immune system that got bashed by the shock and sadness of Heather's leaving. If you have not seen a therapist, you may want to. You may want to join a grief group. What ever you do, just make sure that you are taking care of the physical you, as your daughter would have you do. I believe our children would have us live our best lives in their honor, to be out in the day where they are no longer able to be. I know that our kids love us through and through. I know they want us to find our balance again, and while it will never be as it was before, it still is a new day.

Some say 3 steps forward, 2 steps back...sometimes it is 3 steps forward adn 4 steps back...either way, day turns to night and into day again and we are propelled forward...even when we don't want to be.  We all take turns needing to be away from this sadness, it is nothing you need ever apologize for.

Peace somehow,

Dee

[ericasmom]

a quick pick of Eri with her great friend TAmara at my wedding in 1998. Eri is wearing the pewter colored dress.

[ericasmom]

This is Erica when she was a little Brownie Scout. I remember the day, she was in second grade. The picture was taken at the school she and JOnathan attended, where I now teach.

[ericasmom]

Sorry guys, but Ihave to take  advantage of this working while I can; Eri with dread locks on her graduation day with her good pal, Bridget.

[daniellemom]

Dee,

Great pictures I love that Erica wore some color the (red head band) because you can tell by the pictures she was always standing out!! I love that!! Always your words touch me deeply. I hope you find a little peace tomorrow I will be praying for you.

Sonya

[ericasmom]

Thank you sonya, we are all so very conected here, so from the heart. I think Eri always did something to stand out, you are right. Her dreads alone do it, but she added a red ribbon at the last minute . The graduation is all white for females, black suit for males, and red roses for the ladies. IT is a very beautiful ceremony. I have the dress in my closet, hanging there to remind me of a great day with Erz, when we shopped for both graduation dress and prom dress. Oh that day a million years ago.

Mammabetts, thanks for your love and care. My garden holds all of our hopes in it as well, and each day when something wonderful opens, I say, "thanks eri."

You should read the book, Miss Rumphius. Read it to your grandkids, and for yourself. It is one of my favorite books to read to my students, lovely picutres. I think you will love it, she is like you.

My date is one month after Sherri's. Our kids left one month apart.

My heart to you Sherri as you prepare for the 5th year mark of time. I know that you are wrapped in Davey's love and in God's love. May you feel a brush of his wings on the 14th.

My heart,

Dee

[mikesmum]

Dee - Eri is truly a free spirit, no longer earth bound. To know this is your fifth year and the emotions of loss are still ever present reflects the love you have for Eri.  While every minute of every day we think of our children, we tend to forget that our inner being has been injured beyond belief.  So please, never apologise for reminding us to be kind to ourselves when the injury brings us down.

To you and Sherrie - As always with the 'Angel Days' may your children surround you with the light and energy they bought into your lives at a birth.  Try not to be limited by the injury sustained on that day - but be lifted by the sweet memories of the lives lived........

Mammabets - I love the vision of you standing in your garden, blowing seeds to the wind and reaping such a beautiful garden.....planted with love, in memories of all those children now providing the sun........Thank you so much.

Kathy - A mermaid - somehow its not a stretch.....that hair, that smile.   Your niece, another gift from Jessica.  Funny how you mentioned the memories of the 'chanllenges' from our children seem to fade - ever present but now somehow insignificant now.

I am not grasping as straws or searching endlessly for signs but I truly believe Mike is around me, as are all our children. Its just their ability to let us know takes another form.....no words.

Take Care each of you.........Your are my Sherpa's on this trekk!  Without you the journey would be so much harder....

[mamabets]

For Dee~ Another book..'WHILE ANGELS WATCH" by Marni McGee and Tina Macnaughton

A walk through love, without question...

LOVE

mamabets

[daveydow1]

For all~ I have been looking through some special pictures of Davey- His angel date is the 14th..

Here is is about 30- I LOVE this!!!

LLove

Sherry

[daveydow1]

For All~ And , another....Here is one of him, just a little guy, ready to grow up too fast..... He was 4 years old, a cherished memory...

Love

Sherry

[daveydow1]

For All! I hope these make it to the video!! I can hardly wait!! Greg, you are a gem!!!!

2 years old..A moment in time~

Love,

Sherry

[summergirl]

Dee - I will be thinking of you as always as the "5 year date" arrives. It is hard to believe some days that there are those out there who are at that mark, it has been just over 2 years for me and it seems like yesterday - you give me strength and hope when I read your posting, such wisdom you have and I hope that when the 5 year date arrives for me that I will be in a postition to give others what you give now. Erica was lucky to have you for a mother and you were blessed to have her for the time you were allowed. The pictures of her are so beautiful, her spirit shines through and it reminds me of Jessica when you say she had to do something to stand out - a nice similarity. I some how understand your need to go to the "place". I went every other week to the restaurant where Jess passed and left flowers and a note in the bathroom, pictures of Tavian, for almost a year I kept going. My husband asked me why I was torturing myself and I told him that I wasn't, I just needed to be in the place where she last was. Eventually I stopped going as often but still go. The owner has kept every note and picture I have left there, she said I might want them some day. I too have Jessica's prom dress in my closet, I remember what fun we had picking it out. Yes, I believe that Jessica along with all our angels had as hand in the new Madison Jessica being brought into our lives. The dream was peaceful but also left me with wanting more, I was upset as set after waking as she did not turn around and look at me, as though she couldn't or wouldn't say good-by. I am being patient waiting for her to come again. I am so blessed to have found BI and the people here such as you who give me so much. God Bless you Dee and as you say "be easy on yourself".

Trudi - Yes, Jessica was like a mermaid with the hair and body - the kids loved her as she could be 18 and turn around and be a 10 year old!!   The memories of the "slamming the bedroom door" have become insifnificant now although sometimes I can not help but remember when she would give me "the look" because I said that "no" word!!  I choose now to remember all times with her as best I can but the good times always seem to come ahead of all else.

Sherry - Davey is so handsome!! I love the picture of him at 4 being a boyscout - something I have to look forward to soon!!! I will be thinking of you also as the 14th draws near - sometimes the days leading up to are worse than the actual day - but then again sometimes there are just "bad days" no matter what. God Bless.

Mamabets - love the garden and the way it has grown from the tossing of the seeds from your hands - Angels truely do shine down upon it - thank you, it is nice to know that your garden grows for all our angels.

Tired tonight and my computer is still giving me a hard time but am hanging on. Peace be with you all. Kathy

 

 

[ericasmom]

Sherri, isn't it amazing that at age 30, Davey is a grown up version of the boy with the chubby knees and red socks? He is gorgeous as a little boy and a gorgeous man. He will always be your little boy smiling at his Mama.

Mamabets, in case my computer continues to act a fool, God Bless you and your babyman on the 16th. I know the turmoil of the days leading up to the dates that mark the huge loss in our worlds.

Kathy, thanks for your kind words. I hope that as we all go forward we remember to be good to ourselves and to realize that in our huge loss lay the possibility to help another going along this path. You my dear, have helped many with your ready heart and wise soul. Glad you liked the photos, I do feel ERz and Jess have some serious similarities, pigging out on cereal for one, but heavy duty laughter for another. I can totally understand your going back to the restaurant and leaving notes, and I can practically hear my husband ask me why I torture myself. I think that it points to the very individualistic ways we all grieve. It would not be torture but instead, some way of being near her in that last moment. Some of what we do after the deaths of our babies becomes ritualistic...and to some it may look as though it is bad for us. There is a fine line sometimes.

I hope everyone sleeps well, dreams well, and wakes to a day that finds you smiling.

Dee

this photo is of ERi with Stormy a cat she adopted when he was fart oo small to be away from his mom cat. He literaly fit into a tea cup. Each time Eri came home sick from school, no matter how far away that cat was, he came running home and stayed at her feet until she was well. It was his way of taking care of her after she saved his little life so many years earlier.

[bigmikesmom]

Hi Everyone,

It is too hard for me to name each of you and I don't want to forget anyone,

I just wanted to first thank Greg for doing his project, it really lifted me up out of the hole I fell back into. May was so terrible. yOU ARE ALL SUCH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, KIND,LOVING AND CARING.Thanks to all. I love the pics of everyone,such fun-loving, full of life people.I am thinking of all of you who have an angel date coming up Betsy,Dee, Trudi just passed,I believe Claudia. God Bless all of you!

Patti-bigmikesmom

[bigmikesmom]

Hi Everyone,

It is too hard for me to name each of you and I don't want to forget anyone,

I just wanted to first thank Greg for doing his project, it really lifted me up out of the hole I fell back into. May was so terrible. yOU ARE ALL SUCH BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, KIND,LOVING AND CARING.Thanks to all. I love the pics of everyone,such fun-loving, full of life people.I am thinking of all of you who have an angel date coming up Betsy,Dee, Trudi just passed,I believe Claudia. God Bless all of you!

Patti-bigmikesmom

[mikesmomrs]

Sherry:  Will be thinking of you on the 14^th as you pass another milestone on this trek…may Davey surround you with his spirit and love…I love the pics of Davey, can’t decide which makes me smile more, the small youth with visions of the world ahead, or the young man with the assured smile of maturity…and, oh yes, they most certainly do grow up way too fast.  They come into our lives and speed through our hearts, straight on to their joys…as many here have said, I too believe that many, if not all, of our precious children “knew” they had to “live it all, fast” as their journey would be shorter than most…

Mamabets…the 16^th will find my thoughts with you, praying that Danny will shine his grace on you…I know that sweet, priceless memories will carry you through, and Danny will be there to hold your hand, as always...

Greg…Alyssa and Jess…lovely, truly.

Kathy…thank you so much for sharing Madison Jessica with all of us…she is just so sweet, and truly guided into your family’s life and thus into your own, by your own sweet Jessica. 

Dee:  So glad you didn’t give up on the posting…the pics of Eri are just awesome…as others have said, her uniqueness stands out and shines for all to see…a very beautiful girl.  I am so glad that you have such sweet memories of shopping with her for her beautiful dress---those memories will live in your heart always and are yours alone, to bring out and relive whenever you choose.  I have Mike’s school jacket, with his treasured letter in place (I can still hear his voice… “Mom, I’ve had it for two days now, pleeeaaasssee,  WHEN are you going to sew it on?”)… and all of his “pins” for the different sports he went out for, still pinned in place, still hanging in the closet of the room he had while he was growing up…a room I will have to leave behind when we move, but the memories will come with me, stored deep within, forever…I can still see the smile on his face, as he looked the jacket over on the day he got it…”I love that the sleeves are leather, mom, aren’t they neat?  Can we do something to keep them white?”. 

Trudi:  Yes, your Mike is very truly around you, and with you, always.  And thank you, for allowing us to share this journey with you…the wisdom and kindness you write on this site have comforted many, including myself. 

All of your beautiful pics of your Mike with little ones made me think of the ones I have of my Mike with his little ones, and I wanted to share.  The first is of Mike with his dad…Mike was around 8 months old…and his dad had lots more hair than he does now!!

this is Mike, with his oldest, Chandler, around 1 yo, (Chan is 12 on Saturday) (Mike was singing him to sleep, with a Beatles song playing...how do I remember that?)

 

This is Mike with his second, Kameron, at 1 day...Kam will be 11 next month...Kam came by ceasarian..Mike was there with Kam's mom...he was awesome...

and this is Mike with Damon, around 1 yr old, Damon is now 3 1/2...Damon also came by ceasarian, and again, Mike was there, and totally awesome...(In this pic, Mike's hair was just beginning to grow back after his first radiation treatments.)

Thanks all;  I have had a particularly bad week, weeping at every turn and word...I appreciate so much being able to come here and share and not be given "the look" or the "sigh."  I think when we have these emotionally charged days, we truly need the understanding we just don't get anywhere but someplace where everyone else understands our need to talk or cry or just weep and remember...someplace like BI.

love and peace,

carol mikesmomrs

[daniellemom]

Greg,

Alyssa and Jess are beautiful truely you can see her Dad in her smile! Happy Father's Day to you on Sunday.

Carol,

Love the pictures of Mike with his kids! Such a loving and wonderful Daddy!

[daniellemom]

Sherry

The pictures of Davey are wonderful! I will be thinking and praying for you on the 14th.

Sonya

[simonsmam]

I just wanted to send my love and to say that I am thinking about everyone who has special angel dates this month.We have just been through a difficult month in May.

I read the posts daily but do not always get around to write myself.

Love to you all,

Avril xxx

[ericasmom]

Patti,

I just opened the video, loved it! I absolutely loved it. The music was perfect. He is so handsome and so dear.

I love allof your children adn today down at the slough, I prayed that they all smile on us and help us take good steps forward. There among my prayers was a blue heron.

Dee with Love

[daveydow1]

For Dee, Summergirl, Sonya, Avril, and Carol ;

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It is rough for all of us on those

special days, and angel days, but we get through it with the love and kindness,

and understanding of everyone here at BI. All our angels shine down on us and

send little messages in their own ways. All we have to do is be watchful and

patient, and they come shining through.  Peace to all.

                                                          Daveysmom,   Sherry