Loss of an Adult Child

[4everjoeysmom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!

[summergirl]

Patti - it looks exactly like a headstone etched with flowers - unbelievable, so amazing the way some pictures come out with unexplained things. I started going through pictures tonight as I want to see if there are any of Jessica "before" that have an orb in them - she lost her best guy friend (one year before she left us) from cancer. Tavian and I looked at alot of pictures tonight and it was good to hear him laugh at pictures of his mommy and I back when.

I found one of Jessica when she was 5, it was her birthday party at her Grandmother's house - I am upset that it has an ink stain on her face but I am going to post it anyway as I want all of you to see how much Tavian looks like her - he actually found the picture (in one of my many boxes that I swear I am going to organize) and asked me what he was doing in the picture - I told him thats not you it is your mom and he laughed.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!

 

Thinking of you Trudi my friend as you send Mike's balloons to the Heavens - I will be sending one also from the beach at Atlantic Ocean between noon and one - and sending my prayers to you. I had a talk with Jessica and told her to give Mike an big hug from his mum for his birthday. Love you - Kathy 

Here is the picture of Jessica - do not know how it will come out - I am going to take it to the photo shop and see if they can fix it.

Love and Prayers to all tonight as always.

 

 

 

[summergirl]

oops - didn't work - time for a new computer - like the one I have at work!! Will try again tomorrow - Kathy

Ok - I guess I was wrong - in too much of a hurry sometimes!!

Just reminding you my sweet girl to give Mike a big hug from his mum - keep your eye on the sky for those balloons coming from down under and up above. I love you and miss you, many tears fall for you and all the Angels looking down upon us. Forever my daughter, forever. Mom

[bigmikesmom]

Kathy, that is amazing how much jessica and tavian look alike. when i looked at the pic before i read the post, i thought it was tavian.

Happy Birthday Mike!

Patti

[mikesmum]

To all my inspirational friends here at BI - thank you for Mikes birthday wishes......

It has been a rollercoaster this past week.  But early this morning Mal and I went to the top of Mt Dandenong to send Mike his birthday wishes....attached to coloured balloons...

The fog here hasn't really lifted in the past three days, but as we reached the top of the Mountain....clear blue skies with a light wind.......the balloons went off in an semi circle even though they were let go individually.........Each was attached with a picture of Mike - taken from another birthday, a message from me, and a request if anyone finds one please let us know.......

Kathy - will look for your balloon........Tavian/Jess two peas in a pod!!! Beautiful.

Take Care - Each one of you ensures my journey is never lonely - Thank you

[mikesmum]

Mike's birthday - sparklers are a family tradition.....purrty.......

[mikesmum]

One balloon with Happy Birthday stencilled on headed off all by its self..the rest a semi circle floating off.......

Thanks again all who wished Mike well......Jess the purple one was for you to catch!!!

[johnnysmama]

Dear Mikesmum

The balloon liftoff in memory of your beloved son Michael was beautiful . What a beautiful serene place. I love how the birthday balloon was soaring to the birthday boy.

Happy Birthday Michael!!

[4everjoeysmom]

Trudi, The balloons remind me of a rainbow with their colors and shaped in an arch like so as they floated up and away....

[heartbeataway]

Patti, The picture is amazing!   Wow!

mikesmum, The balloons were so beautiful!  What are lines of beads?

MichellesMom, I agree with foreverJoey'sMom,  it appears to be a sun cast spot on Michelle's pictures.

Greg, Alyssa's Mom will realize that her spending time with you doesn't make her "act up".  You were gracious in saying that you'll agree to what's best for her.  Actually, if Alyssa loves spending time with you and knows why it's being limited, she'll try hard to do better.  She's a beautiful child!  I loved the fishing picture.  The wedding will be bittersweet.  My nephew will be getting married in August.  Jason would have been a groomsman.  My nephew will honor him and another friend he lost by having their pictures on the alter.  I really like the t-shirt idea!  Very personal and close to the heart.

summersgirl, The picture of Jessica does look like Tavian!  Such a sweet picture!

I was going through the ton of mail we had waiting for us when we got back from Virginia.  There was a piece addressed to Jason.  It was advertising an upcoming sale.  It started out, "Dear Jason,  Wish you were here ............" 

Have a good day everyone ..........  JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - It really hits you when you receive something like that in the mail...a jolt through to the core.  About 9 months after Mike died we had a call from his mobile phone provider.  'Can we speak with Mike?'.  "If you can ask him to call his mother" was the only thing I came up with. Confused the caller no end!

I love pictures of the windchimes and the landscape where Jason is at rest.  It is serene, full of natural energy.  Amazing.

The line of beads - well thats the balloons.....they lifted off one after the other and formed as Claudia says 'a rainbow'.

Greg - It really sux.  Maybe its a parent thing to attend to what is perceived to be a behaviour that has to come from somewhere.  But as someone already said, grandchildren are to be spoilt.  Truth be told, we are parents, just a little older and maybe wiser.  I don't think we spoil as much as we enjoy them more, free of all the things parents face on a day to day basis.    I hope that you get to see your grandbaby as often as you can.....grandparents are a natural resource of memories, stories, adventures and unconditional love.  Its been 17 months since I saw Mikes daughter and that only adds to the sadness of not having him here.

 Take Care from Brrrrrr the winter wonderland down under!

 

[summergirl]

Bonnie - I am so sorry, it does hit so hard when you receive a phone call or something in the mail. Two weeks after Jessica left us we received a letter from the hospital (where she was pronounced) asking HER to complete the enclosed 'survey" letting them know how "her stay at the hospital was"!!!! I cried for what seemed like hours and then I got very angry and called the administrator of the hospital, I cannot tell you what I said but I do know that I had her in tears when I was finished.  Jessica had been out with friends when she passed, all of my friends were on the ambulance that went to the scene, they knew she was already gone but they started CPR and transported her to the hospital as they did not want to keep her at the restaurant waiting for the coronor to arrive - I am forever grateful to them for that and that my friends were with her and loved her for me all the way to the hospital - sorry I got off track - but could not and still cannot understand how a hospital could not possibly keep a record so they do not send a "how was your stay survey" to someone who passed - I am still mad about it.  Anyway - I am sorry as I am sure alot of us here have gone through it - prayers for you.

Trudi - AMAZING - the sunshine, the blue skys, those brillant balloons with pictures and memories flyin in an arch style - the tears fell as I looked at the pictures - your Mike is so proud of you. Thank you for the "purple" balloon for Jessica!!   I got a huge blue balloon for Mike, wrote my letter and went to Main Beach. I sat in the car for a few minutes thinking of you and Mal and as I started to get out of the car the song "every day you save me" started to play - so perfect as that is what we all do here - we save each other. I walked the beach a little ways and then let the balloon fly high in the sky, a nice breeze, I watched until I could see it no more - threw a few kisses. I asked the woman at the balloon store if she thought it might make it to Austraila and she gave me a strange look so I just smiled and thought to myself "you never know".  It is so hard to face yet another first or second or third of a lost child - but we continue to celebrate their lives by doing the things we do here, the balloons, a garden, a journal, a kind word, strength and this site. Take care my dear friend - Kathy 

[summergirl]

Oh yeah - sorry - wanted to say thank you for those of you who looked at Jessica's picture when she was 5 years old - Tavian does look just like her, I was startled at the resemblence - I have not looked at that picture in a long time.

Miss you my sweet daughter, hope you celebrated with Mike today and caught your purple balloon and Mike got his from his mom and Mal. Need to put Tavian down to sleep and wanted to say goodnight to you - I love you to the moon and stars my sweet, sweet girl - Love, mom

[shellbellsmom]

I too get lots of mail addressed to my daughter...tons of credit card apps.  One day she received more than me.  My husband wanted to write in big bold letters- DECEASED on them all and send them back through the mail but never actually did.  I too got a survey from the hospital and also her physician’s office...and since I blame them both I had to bite my tongue to not write what I actually felt.  Well I did fill it out...good therapy but couldn't mail it.  I was way too bitter for anyone’s ears.  And her cell phone carrier was so uncooperative when we cancelled…and still wanted to charge us...HELLO, she’s dead we told them.  They told us someone would still be responsible in paying it…her bf tried to stop it while she was in coma and they told him, she needed to call as he was not on the account.  I suppose she’s got bad credit now. Lol  Sue

[4everjoeysmom]

Sue, I went through that same kind of ordeal in canceling Joey's accounts--the whole "well, someone has to be responsible to pay these charges".  It just makes you want to punch their lights out through the phone--very frustrating...

[briansdad]

You should have heard Honda Credit when I told them The bike and my son were gone.He hadn't made a payment on it yet.The lady I told cried. But then the asses called and I told them not to bother me,to take things up with the insurance company. Oh by the way my meeting with our state rep went  OK but because we need funding from the state to do mandatory testing it's probably going to take until 2010.Just think of all the lives that will be ruined in that time.

PS I could use some more pics of your kids doing funny stuff for another video.

[kalimac]

Well . . how is this for insensitive . . exactly one week after my son died our insurance company sent us a letter and wanted him removed from the policy.  Made us feel like they were just waiting for him to die. But, no way were we removing his name until we were absolutely certain that every hospital, doctor, scan, hospice, and nursing bill was paid.

We were able to cancel his cell phone account early and the people were quite decent about it.

I'm still kinda bristling about the insurance company . . seems like they could have waited a month or so before bothering us.

[mikesmum]

Kathy - Thanks for sending Mike a beautiful Blue Balloon on his day.  We had a call from an lady who found a balloon.....

I don't search for signs, but my heart skipped a beat when she told me where she found it.  Ruffey Lake Park is  acreage 30kms from where we let them fly.  The significance - Well this is the park where Melissa and her family would go for picnics, birthdays and to just enjoy the vast open space set in amongst suburbia.  Then there is the family dog.  Mike Melissa and Steven found a puppy on farm back back in the '80's.  His name Ruffy Dog!  He was with us up until Mikes 21st.

In my heart I believe Mike got his balloons.....he let me know by sending the first found to Ruffey Lake Park.........

Patti - I read one of your posts on another thread......I hope that you are finding your way back, it really is hard when you think you doing better and a tsunami of emotion takes your breath away..........Thinking of you....Trudi

Greg - pics of the kids.........any thing in particular?

[veronicasmom]

Two months after Veronica died, I received a letter from the college she was attending stating that since she had not been attending any of her classes, she was now responsible to pay her student loan in full.  Immediately.  They would even take Visa or Mastercard.  Needeless to say they profusely apologize when they realized they had never updated her records.  But my heart was stabbed yet one more time.

[mikesmum]

veronicasmom - its that human error - failure to update.  Back in 1980, my father died in recovery after heart surgery.  The morning of his funeral  the hospital rang to advise he had left the hospital failing to pay his account on discharge. 

In total disbelief, I asked the clerk what the discharge code on his file was....she explained D for discharge.  It was too much...The cars were arriving and we needed to go so  without a thought I told her Dad died in their recovery room he wasn't discharged, but if she needed to speak with him she could try  Tobin Brothers till 11 then the crematorium till 1.  Not a sound............looking back I might have been more considerate, but with a mothers grieving, three babies wanting grandpa and my own heart shattered at losing the dad I loved so much it was all I could do.......

Dee - Sign, number plate on a car ER1CA - the i was replaced with a 1......just had to be! 

Trudi

 

[summergirl]

Greg - i have lots of pictures of Jessica doing funny stuff - she was always having fun and someone was always taking pictures - I will go through them and post some - thank you as I so look forward to your videos you make with great anticipation.

Have a good nite all - am turning in as I have had a long day, alot of memories floating through my head and the tears are close. Kathy

[briansdad]

Here is Rob's best man.He looks good in a tux HUH.

This was taken a month before his accident.

 

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

He is so handsome! And yes, he does look good in a tux!  This has to be bittersweet for you!

Attaching picture of Jason .......  I have a couple more I'll post too.  Can't wait to see what you're up to this time.  It'll be hard to beat the last video ........

[heartbeataway]

Jason for Greg -  Don't ask me what he was doing........  I would guess, getting ready to sneeze or just profiling!

[4everjoeysmom]

I can't crop the girl out of the photo, because then I wouldn't get the whole Joey w/o flowers in the photo, and it would look goofy...  But anyway, Here is Patrick's Best Man (Joey) in a tux...  It's the only time Joey ever wore a tuxedo--his junior prom eight years ago...   seems like a lifetime ago, and yet like yesterday that he was hitting me up for extra cash for the prom incidentals...

Brian is very handsome in his tux...

Unfortunately I don;t have any really goofy photos here to post for your project, Greg.  My son Patrick has them all in albums and storage except for a select few I kept and mostly already shared...    But I still look forward to seeing the next project.  I love seeing pics of our kids.

[kalimac]

Nathan never got to wear a tux or go to a prom, but he and his brother and sister took me out to a wonderful Mothers Day lunch a year ago . . . they all acted really goofy and we had a great time.

[shellbellsmom]

My daughter Michelle was one goofy girl.  She loved to laugh, dance and just have a great time in everything she did.  Her signature pose was making a funny face or doing something crazy when on the camera. Makes for many happy memories. I miss her so....  These were taken while in college.

[shellbellsmom]

She loved to stick out her tongue......my grandmother did the same thing. 

[shellbellsmom]

OK...my last one, but I have a whole file of her acting goofy.  I hope she still is having the time of her new life in heaven.

[daveydow1]

Claudia,

 Your photo of Joey in the tux is very nice, and I know you treasure it so

much.  My son, Dave, was on his way to the mall that June 14th day to

get fitted for his tux for his sister's upcoming wedding. Sadly, he never

made it to the mall. The horrific wreck he was involved in--trucker asleep

at the wheel----took his life within the hour.  He never had a tux before

that. We were so looking forward to the wedding pictures. The wedding

still went on, but without Davey.  My daughter and her new husband lit

a memorial candle on the altar.  Thanks again for your lovely photos.

Peace to you, friend.

                                 Daveysmom,   Sherry

[bigmikesmom]

Greg,

Thanks for putting a new video together. I really appreciate it. Here are some of "BigMike". He was a comedian, the life of the party as his coach said at the funeral,a man comfortable in his own skin.

[bigmikesmom]

Big Mike

[bigmikesmom]

BigMike

[bigmikesmom]

bigmike

[bigmikesmom]

BigMike

[bigmikesmom]

BigMike

[bigmikesmom]

BIGmIKE

[bigmikesmom]

bIGmIKE THE RAPTOR

[bigmikesmom]

BigMike, I am getting carried away with this, but it is fun. I couldn't decide which ones to post soooooooooooooooo

[bigmikesmom]

Ok I'll stop, sorry everyone for taking up so much space Halloween-soccer boys as Duke Lacrosse players

[bigmikesmom]

OOPS, ONE MORE BIG MIKE

[moniqueiloveyouxox]

Hi, I haven't been brave enough to post before.  I've been reading here for quite some time now and I feel like I know you all and relate so well.   After seeing all the beautiful pictures of your angels, I just wanted to join in and share my Angel Monique.

My beautiful girl was killed August 6th, 2006.  9 Days before she turned 17.  Such an innocent beautiful girl.  She was a passenger in a car with her best friend who had just received his license 5 days earlier.  She travelled with him, without my permission.  I spoke to her the day before the accident, stressing how precious she was to me, and that was why she was NOT allowed to get into a vehicle with him or any inexperienced drivers.  She did though.  Now she's gone to heaven.  My heart is forever broken.

myhoney.bmp

[johnnysmama]

Dear Moniquesmom

I am glad you posted. You are very welcome here and unconditionally,too. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter, Monique. it is so hard when you try to keep them safe and you do all you can and it is not enough. When you are ready to tell more of Monique's story we are ready to listen.

 

Peace, kay

[4everjoeysmom]

Moniquesmom,  I second what Kay posted.  I'm so sorry for why you have come here to BI, but glad you finally felt comfortable enough to post.  You lost your precious Monique just days after I lost Joey, so we began this journey almost at the same time.  Joey would have turned 24 on that August 7th.  I had noticed before how weird it is that many of our kids seem to go very near their birth dates, and I wondered what significance there is in that.  What I do know is that it is the worst ever to lose our kids...  I can't think of anything more devastating, and I've been through a lot of trials in life.  I hope that you continue to post here now that you've introduced us to Monique, and that you will share much more about her with us.  We here have become a family, a community, together along with the beautiful (and even painful) memories with our beloved children gone too soon.  Bless you and I wish for you peace and comfort here among us along your journey.  ~Claudia

P.s.  LOVE all of the photos that are being posted!!! It really lets us see how much broighter this world was with our fun-loving kids in it., 

[moniqueiloveyouxox]

Dear Jonnysmom and Joeysmom, thank you both for your kind words. 

I read and cry here all the time. 

I wish I wasn't here. 

Joeysmom, I have noticed the same.  So MANY beautiful children die around their birthday.  Why?? There isn't any answers to so many questions.

Monique had her invitiations all written out on her dressing table.  Cute little invitations they were.  She had planned her 17th party with family and close friends.  She was soooh excited.  We all were.

I miss my gorgeous girl so much.  Life is so hard and definately not fair, as you all know.

 

 

 

 

[shellbellsmom]

Moniquesmom...welcome as well.  Our kids all probably did many things we didn't want them to do much like we may have done with our parents...  your daughter Monique is so beautiful.

My daughter totaled our car only weeks after receiving her license.  She was someplace outside of our town that she wasn't suppose to be...with another friend’s car following her.  Both cars crashed (both totaled) but luckily all involved were uninjured...just scared out of their wits.  The kids spoke of a lady who just showed up to help them, giving them blankets as the evening was rather cold...(November in Michigan) until the police arrived.  By the time we showed up the kids said the lady was gone...and know one knew what happened to her. I wanted to thank her for her kindness and for making the girls feel safe for the moment.   It happened near a curve and not many houses are around there.  Know one knew what happened to the nice lady...or who ever she was. 

And bigmikesmom-I think our kids would have had a blast hanging out together…they both seem to live life to the fullest, even though it didn’t last as long as we had wished.

Here are a few more pics of my silly daughter, Michelle.

Take Care, Sue

[shellbellsmom]

Here is Michelle tailgating before a big homecoming game at college...she had something crazy going on with her hair.

[heartbeataway]

Jason profiling ........... notice there's no mirror on the wall.

[heartbeataway]

Jason needed some light I guess............

[heartbeataway]

Jason Goofing off with friends ..........