Loss of an Adult Child

[messenger]

DEAR PATTY..NATHANS...MOM...................I AM SO SORRY YOU LOST YOUR SON....ESPECIALLY SO RECENTLY....................I KNOW THE EMPTINESS YOU FEEL ...ESPECIALLY ON MOTHERS DAY...I PRAY..NATHAN....GIVES YOU A SIGN HE IS NEAR YOU AND YOU FEEL COMFORT AND PEACE .................THE BALLOON OR BUTTERFLY RELEASE EITHER ONE WOULD BE  VERY NICE............THERE IS JUST SOMETHING SO PEACEFUL...WHEN YOU LET GO..........................

I AM HERE FOR ANYONE...ANYTIME..I MAY NOT GET BACK RIGHT AWAY BUT WILL TRY TO BE ON MORE OFTEN..HAD SO MANY SURGERIES.....LATELY.........BILATERAL MASTECTOMY IN OCT AND PARTIAL RECONSTRUCTION IN NOV ..STILL MORE TO GO AND THEN PACEMAKER PUT IN TO CONTROL BLADDER AFTER ..CHEMO DAMAGED IT...SO 2 SURGERIES FOR IT...ONE MORE TO GO AND I PRAY...............THAT IS IT....

I WILL BE LIFTING ALL PARENTS UP TOMORROW AT CHURCH...

LOVE AND PRAYERS

GERI JAMES MOM

PS....IF YOU WANT TO SHARE THE STORY OF NATHAN..I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT AND I WILL SHARE MY STORY WITH YOU....

[messenger]

DEAR PATTY..NATHANS...MOM...................I AM SO SORRY YOU LOST YOUR SON....ESPECIALLY SO RECENTLY....................I KNOW THE EMPTINESS YOU FEEL ...ESPECIALLY ON MOTHERS DAY...I PRAY..NATHAN....GIVES YOU A SIGN HE IS NEAR YOU AND YOU FEEL COMFORT AND PEACE .................THE BALLOON OR BUTTERFLY RELEASE EITHER ONE WOULD BE  VERY NICE............THERE IS JUST SOMETHING SO PEACEFUL...WHEN YOU LET GO..........................

I AM HERE FOR ANYONE...ANYTIME..I MAY NOT GET BACK RIGHT AWAY BUT WILL TRY TO BE ON MORE OFTEN..HAD SO MANY SURGERIES.....LATELY.........BILATERAL MASTECTOMY IN OCT AND PARTIAL RECONSTRUCTION IN NOV ..STILL MORE TO GO AND THEN PACEMAKER PUT IN TO CONTROL BLADDER AFTER ..CHEMO DAMAGED IT...SO 2 SURGERIES FOR IT...ONE MORE TO GO AND I PRAY...............THAT IS IT....

I WILL BE LIFTING ALL PARENTS UP TOMORROW AT CHURCH...

LOVE AND PRAYERS

GERI JAMES MOM

PS....IF YOU WANT TO SHARE THE STORY OF NATHAN..I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR IT AND I WILL SHARE MY STORY WITH YOU....

[ericasmom]

dear Geri,

My goodness you are going through so very much and yet what I feel from you is a gentle sense of peace. I will pray for you on this day and beyond for recovery and for a continued sense of peace and communication with your child. Please share about your Son, his life and story.

Peace to All on this and Each day.

Dee

[heartbeataway]

It's Mother's Day ............

I woke up this morning thinking about Jay. This is a true story that I just love. I'm sharing with you guys ............ you'll understand.

When Jason was in second grade, he attended Cherrydale Christian School in Arlington, Virginia.  I went in for a teachers conference and before I left she told me she wanted to share something with me.

They were doing bible study one morning and the scripture read was from Philippians 4:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble,whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things......"

After reading the scripture, the teacher ask the class if they could tell her what Paul was talking about when he wrote these words. She said that Jason's hand shot up and he was practically waving at her to get her to choose him.  She did and he stood up and very proudly said, "My Mom".  He was talking about my Mom.

I left the conference in tears. The love and innocence of his words still overwhelm me when I think about them.

I wish you peace and comfort on this day of Honor for Moms..........

[4everjoeysmom]

I absolutely LOVE this story of Jason.  Thanks so much for sharing it.  And it's a beautiful Scripture...

To you and all moms here, May the blessings of beautiful, cherished memories be your comfort on this Mother's Day.  Love, Claudia

[ericasmom]

Goodness Bonnie, your Son looks so much like you, those lovely cheeks you both have, what a great story and what a great photo. I agree with Claudia, a truly fitting story for the day. Jason told you that day and in so many other ways throughout the years, that there is nothing like his Momma.

Happy Mom Day,

Dee

[momgran]

To All:  Thinking of you and hoping you are having some peaceful moments on this Mother's Day.  Sorry to see new members and my heart goes out to you in these difficult, early days, but you have come to the right place.  I would like to share this with you.  Pippa's friend sent it to me from South Africa.

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys

or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind

and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child

so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night

watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because

I didn't want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel

to feed a hungry baby.  

I didn't know that bond

between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

the joy,

the love,

the heartache,

the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,

before I was a Mom.

Love, Peace and Patience

Debbie

[ericasmom]

Debbie, I have wondered about you and hoped that you were okay. Thanks for the lovely poem, I read it on another site and thought it appropriate to this day. How are you these days? My thoughts are with you and hopes too, that this day holds some of the lovely.

Shine on,

Dee

[wyomingsal]

Here is an interesting artical I just found and read.  I haven't researched to see if it is all true but it is about the origins of Mothers Day.  Not what I had expected.

http://www.kotapress.com/section_articles/holidays/motherFatherDays/jones_realMeaning.htm

 

Sal

[grammy3613]

WELL AS MY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY HAS COME AND SHORTLY GONE WITHOUT MY TEARA I HAVE TO SAY I HAVE HAD A GOOD DAY. MOST OF MY GRANDS WERE HERE AND MY MOM AND  NIECES AND NEPHEWS. THEY HAD A GREAT TIME PLAYING IN THE WATER. I DID ALOT OF YARD WORK TRYING TO GET IT READY TO GET MY PLANTS FOR "TEARA'S PARADISE" DONE. I HAVE ALOT OF WORK AHEAD OF MY TO GET IT DONE.

I AM ALITTLE CONFUSED ABOUT HOW I FELT TODAY. ACTUALLY FEEL GUILTY. SEE I GOT UP AND AFTER SHOPPING FOR A FEW THINGS I NEEDED HERE FOR OUR GATHERING AND I STARTED WORKING ON THE YARD. I HAD ENERGY THAT I HAVE NOT HAD SINCE TEARA LEFT. I FELT LIKE MY OLD SELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A VERY LONG TIME. I DONT UNDERSTAND THAT. ONE A DAY TO CELEBRATE BEING A MOM AND MY BABY GONE I FEEL GOOD? I HAVE ENERGY? I AM NOT CRYING CAUSE I AM MISSING ONE? OH I MISSED HER, BUT I FELT GOOD TODAY. CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHY? SHOULD I EVEN ASK WHY?

I PRAY ALL HAD A GOOD MOTHER'S DAY. LOVE TO ALL    GRAMMY  KELLIE

[ericasmom]

Maybe Kellie, you are feeling so much love around you while at the same time you are feeling a sense of direction with her memorial garden that you were energized by this.  Teara is sending you her energy too, and the grandkids are pure energy so why not? Please don't feel guity for feeling good, after all, it is Mothers Day, and you are a Mother proud of her children, always a Mother no matter the circumstances, she will always be your girl.

Peace to you,

Dee

[heathershope]

First let me say to all, thank you so much for your support about mothers day and my mom. I made it through and now I am offically into Angel day.  It will be D-time in 13 1/2 hrs, 2;00 pm Heather took her last breath.

In response to the poem, I actually got it in e-mail today and I added to it with...Before I was a mother I never knew you could live with half your heart missing.  I never knew the true depth of pain and despair.  I never knew hurt could make you feel like you could not take your next breath. I never knew it was an option that my child would die before me.  Now I know, and knowing this I would still choose to be a mother.

We are set to do our ballon launch tonight at 7pm after a cookout.  I wanted to be alone with Heather at two...the actual time so we made it for later.  My husband got a huge butterfly milar and I got a big rainbow milar balloon to go with the regular latex balloons. My son got a U of M balloon (university of Michigan) which he and Heather were both huge supporters and fans of.  I tried to get him to get a heart or something but I guess he knows what fits for him and Heather. We did get cards made and  lamenated...thanks Kay, and I pray we get at least one response.  I also had a cake made in the form of a big butterfly...nothing written onit, just a butterfly and I am making Heathrs favorite...my special recipe pasta salad.  I haven't made it since she died, in fact the last time I made it was March 2, 2006 for her celebration of life party.  I will bring it out of retirement for her honoring of life balloon launch.  This is Heahters gift for the family as they all love it too and have missed it very much .

Wish me Luck and send me prayers.  I will do the same for you.  No matter what day it is we all hurt the same each and every day. 

Terri

 

[johnnysmama]

Terri

I am crying for you today. I will light a candle and say a prayer for you and to honor and remember your beautiful girl Heather. I am glad you have a plan for today and it sounds like the launch and the cookout will be so special. I know Heather will be with you and your family today and always as love is eternal.

Take care, hugs and know you are not alone. We are always here for you. Let Heather's love for you wrap your heart today with her hugs.

Love, Kay

[mikesmomrs]

Kellie:  I agree with Dee, that "Teara is sending you her energy too” and that she wanted you to know that she was happy that you enjoyed the day with all those loved ones around you….the guilt is natural, and hopefully will fade some with time.  Keep those happy thoughts and memories of Mother's day, to warm you on those days when all you can seem to feel is a chill wind blowing right through your heart…those happy thoughts/memories from today will surface and surround your heart with warmth.  I am so glad for you that you had all your loved ones there to enjoy today and were able to feel and appreciate their love for you. 

Terri:  You will be in my thoughts today, and especially at 2:00, I will remember you in your alone time and send strength and prayers to help you through to the next moment.  It sounds as though you have a wonderful celebration of Heather's life planned for later in the day and I am sure that she will be right there with all of you, smiling and sending her love to all of you.  Last year at 8:10 pm, on October 14, the moment that Mike left us the year before, I was very fortunate that Mike sent one of his best friends to me at that moment, as I suddenly found myself alone---(my husband had gone to take a grandchild home and was delayed in traffic and my daughter had to be somewhere with her son) and I was coming undone.  Heather will see to it that you are comforted, when you are alone as you have chosen, and later when you are with other loved ones. 

love and peace,

carol  mikesmomrs

[grammy3613]

CAROL AND DEE-- I AGREE WITH YOUR WORDS...TEARA WAS SENDING ENERGY. BETWEEN TEARA'S ENERGY AND THE FAMILY AROUND ME I DID HAVE A GREAT DAY. I WILL HOLD ON TO THAT TO HELP ME GET THRU THE BAD DAYS.

TERII--I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU.   LOVE GRAMMY KELLIE

[daniellemom]

Terri,

My prayers are with you today.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[heartbeataway]

Sal, Thank you for sharing the story. You're right, not at all what I expected either!

Terri, I will think about you and send comfort and strength.  There is a loving calm on these days and there is also a sense of loss that permeates your being. Prepare yourself for the balloon launch.  There was one at the gathering after Jason's memorial and it almost took my breath away. I could imagine his spirit rising after his heart stopped ........... it's breathtaking and yet so comforting at the same time.

Kelli,  My first Mothers Day after our son's death was ten days after his memorial. All the firsts are over for us ........... the second wasn't as hard as the first. But one thing is for sure, it will never be called Happy in our house again.........

Have a peaceful week everyone! 

JasonH'sMom, Bonnie

Greg, the flowers for Jan from Brian were beautiful and it was such a loving gesture from you! 

[ericasmom]

Terri, as you approach the time of day that found your girl and whisked her heaven-ward, we are praying with you and for you to feel her peace and her love. Let this fill you as you mourn the life ended and the space of time that has given you this new world.

My love and my prayers are with you, and I am happy that you have carved out these moments to be alone with your Girl.

Peace

Dee

[shellbellsmom]

Terri,

Heather sent you a beautiful day for your launch...yesterday the heavens send down buckets of tears and today the clouds made way for her shinning spirit to shine down on you and your family.  Remember grief is not a sign of weakness but the price we pay for love....Heather loved you and we all know how much you loved her. 

We were blessed with beautiful girls who's life ended way too soon...I know they are hanging out together now.  We may not be able to hear them but they can hear us, we may not be able to touch them but they are able to touch us.  We can no longer see their shining faces but know they are looking down and smiling at us.

I know Heather is just waiting to catch all your balloons...see you soon.  Sue

[ericasmom]

Sue, what great thoughts you shared, I agree wholly, that while we don't see them we are seen by them, and we feel them. Where in Michigan are you from, my girl Erica died in Kalamazoo nearly 5 years ago. She loved it there. How long have you been on this journey?

Dee

[mamabets]

For heathershope~ Sending you so much love today and everyday. I wish that I could wave some kind of wand that had all of these life answers, but I can't. I do believe that when we get to where they are, this life struggle will be but a faded memory....

A little something to celebrate Heather, as we all journey on with her and with you..Her wonderful Mother~ "Morning Glories" are just starting to wrap around and HUG our angel deck....oxxo

LOVE

mamabets

blue flowers.bmp

[heathershope]

Thank you all for your love and support.  It was a tough day to be sure but as I watched all the balloons fly so high in the sky I knew they were Heaven bound and Heather bound.  It was an amzing sight.  We had a great turnout, once again so many of Heathers friends that I didn't even expect to see showed up.  I even had a surprise drop in visit from Shellbells mom, Sue, so thank you to her.  It made my heart smile to read some of the messages on some of the balloons.  My baby was definately loved and she was honored in style today.  I am glad it's over though...now I can go on with my regular daily sadness.

God bless, thank you and goodnight.  It was an exhausting day.

 

Terri 

[ericasmom]

I am so proud of you Terri, Heaven and Heather bound is true, and beautifully put. I am happy that you felt the peace adn the love around you with her friends and family. Life goes on...but in so many different ways, and our hearts break and eventually piece back togeter, only different. Those cracks and scars, while they feel like weaknesses, are strengths that we have built in the face of tragedy. We ache, we feel the seams about to bust openagain, but as others have said, they rebuild, and we start a new day and in the light of our babies, we try very hard to live our best lives.

Sleep tight,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Terri:  So very glad for you that all went so well and you had so many surrounding you with warmth and love in Heather's honor.  It sounds as if the day was a beautiful experience, and quelled some of the sadness of your dialy journey, at least for the day. 

Mother's day for this year is over and I do hope that all were able to find moments of peaceful memories throughout the day.   My daughter Cathi gave me a card from Mike, that she told me she was "led to" when she went to the store.  It was one of those "musical" cards, with a "Star Wars" theme, and had on the cover, "The strongest force in the universe is a Mother's love...." and when you open it, the Star Wars theme music plays, with Obi Wan's voice over it, saying "It's an energy field, created by all living things; it surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together."  Mike has been a Star Wars fan(atic) since he was 2 years old, and opening that card was truly a "moment of peaceful memories" for me...I could feel the warmth of Mike's smile on me as I read it and listened to it...and my tears fell...

love and peace, Carol  mikesmomrs

[mamabets]

For daniellemom~ What a sweet, beautiful angel Danielle is...Such a sweet smile~

How long have you been on this journey, Sonya???

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For grammy3613~ Never, ever doubt...When you "feel" Teara, she is there. Differently, of course, but clearly there to bring peace to you. They can't relate to our sadness, but our angels tug at our "hearts" the way that they used to tug at our "guts"...You "know" something, can't quite put your finger on it, but an intuition takes over, and the more open you are to so many things, the more you will be amazed...

Does this make it all go away?? No...But the magic that Danny has brought to my broken heart has shown me a way. A way that says "Just listen to me, Mom...I am whispering to you always"

I gather up all that I am capable of, I keep a journal, I email many miracles, and I have no doubts about where and how he is.

Have you read the book "Hello From Heaven"~ Lots of stories about visits from loved ones...An easy read- I read it in an afternoon...Written by Bill and Judy Guggenheim~

Anything to help~

This is one of my all time "OH MY GOD" pictures that appeared in my driveway...There are many more on his website... God, my angel, and Jesus... A "heart" there too!!Sure looks like it to me!!!! Danny had a very strong faith~

http://daniel-pallick.memory-of.com~ Be sure to look under the photo section... 

LOVE

mamabets 

[mamabets]

For momgran~ Always, with all that I have, sending you love, Deb...We must catch up!!!!

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For All~ With Danny's Angel Date coming up, I "clicked my way" to this beautiful book... "I Am Wherever You Are". A dear friend of the kids had given a plaque to both me and Jackie last year with the words..." Those whom we loved and lost are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are"

The book "found me" while I was visiting the http://www.nanoel website~ Very heartwarming to come upon this, so I will celebrate him with this story, this year... My library is just growing and growing. I was looking at so many thing that I have gathered since his passing; so many books, so many journals, and I said..."Wait...Was I once there, and am I now here??? Was danny once with me for 25 years and now he has permanently traveled on?? So much pain and lonliness in between these fleeting moments... While we are all doing it together, I am constantly reminded that my pain is no more or less than anyone else's"  

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For Bonnie~ What a beautiful story, what a beautiful picture... Right next to your left arm, that shining "STAR, with the LITTLE STAR" inside of it jumped right out at me and I thought..."There's Jason, with his Mom, forever...

I went looking for the perfect star for you tonight , and I found some comfort for you, if only for a little while!!! AHHHHH..The magic of cyberspace!!

LOVE

mamabets

[mikesmum]

To All - I have returned from my 6 day adventure to Tasmania.  Have been there a couple of times before, Mal's first visit.  We almost didn't go with Mal being hit with food poisoning the day before we were due to sail! 

The Beatles ‘Across the Universe’ was playing at dinner our first night.  I haven’t heard it for such a long time. The words and music hit me and tears flowed.  Something had changed my world forever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko19oussVGQ&feature=related.

Mothers Day we had no mobile phone coverage till noon.  Three sms hit my message bank.  I couldn't breathe...how could there be three? One from Mike?  It was Melissa Steven and my brother all wishing me a Happy Mothers day.  I cried and cried..... a million miles from home I was lost. 

We arrived in Hobart where we met a number of guys from USS Tarawa!!  After an extended period at sea they were kicking back.  Loved the accents! I was taken by just how young these men were.   Many were staying with us - it was their last night in town - so much for a quiet night!  It wasn’t the sailors on shore leave that broke the tranquility but a fire alarm.  A lift caught fire and we were evacuated!!  All 200 of us!  Spent 5hrs on the sidewalk with the sailors watching Emergency Service work their magic.   Sitting there shivering I had the feeling Mike was with me, whispering ‘Happy Mothers Day…..impressive show isn’t it’!!  Yep, more tears.

I flew home above the clouds.  I searched the vastness of the white clouds for Mike.  I believe I could feel his energy and that of the new friends he now shared the universe with. 

Trying to catch-up on all the posts from the last 6 days.  It seems that the strength of the ‘Beyond Indigo Family’ has gotten many through Mothers Day and Angel Days.

Betsy - Thank you for the flowers and the postings.  Your Danny, Superman, provides such warmth and energy how can the flowers do anything but grow!

Carol - It never ceases to amaze me the signs that present….Star Wars, Brilliant.  I think the one thing I struggle with is the fact that I can’t hear Mikes voice or see his smile. 

Bonnie - Jason has his mothers smile and her eyes….Great pictures, memories to treasure always.

Dee - You have a positive energy that touches so many.  I did met one Marine from Michigan who knew about Kalamazoo.   Many here thought I made that name up!

Terri - Hope you found memories, tears and laughter on your angel day.  I found it was a day to celebrate the life of Mike the impact his life had on so many.

Kelly - I am glad you found such joy in your family on Mothers Day.  Grandies truly have that innocence and grounding that brings smiles hugs and warmth to us all.

Debbie - Thanks for the words on Mothers Day.  Like Terri says, Before I was a mother I never knew you could live with half your heart missing.  I never knew the true depth of pain and despair.  I never knew hurt could make you feel like you could not take your next breath. I never knew it was an option that my child would die before me.  Now I know, and knowing this I would still choose to be a mother. For me I know I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn't had Micheal in my life.

Kathy - You never cease to amaze me.  You are blessed with a gift of many facets.  Your words speak to Barry’s heart, words that come from you but reflect the thoughts of Jess. 

Take care my BI friends - together we truly are an incredible force.

Mike - Another day begins with you gone, and ends the same. Love you my son my son……

[briansdad]

Trudi,

I love it! You liked their accents. I like the Aussie accent.

I helped one of Brian's buddies move yesterday.We had just made our first trip.We went out to get in my truck and as I went  to get in I looked down and there was a penny.I guess Brian was saying he liked the place too.

[mikesmum]

Brian - Not just the accent, but the fact that these guys are so young with such respect.  You are right, they wanted to hear us speak cause they loved our accents!!

I saw the post with your Mothers Day gifts for your wife.  Ever thought about leading a workshop for the other men who find it hard to express themselves.  You really have a gift.......

I love the signs, pennies from heaven - for me Mike seems to play music.  His younger brother Steven found the song 'how to save a life' played incessantly each time he turned on a radio.  If he put in a compilation CD, it tracked to that song.  I like to believe our sons and daughters have found intuitive ways of letting us know its okay.

Take Care - Trudi (from the land downunder). 

p.s we don't all use the phrases 'good onya cober' etc....some of us are quite articulate!!

The Image is one of Mikes guitars, his grandparents stero from the '60's, (plays 33, 78 and old 45's) His picture and artwork with Angels given to me the week he died.  This sits in my 'office'. 

[daniellemom]

Trudi,

Glad you had a nice restful vacation, you really needed it.

Mamabets,

Danielle passed away on October 11, 2007 in a single car accident on her way home from a friends house, she was 21 years old.

Greg,

Mattie my daughter who is 5 finds pennies from heaven almost daily. She always says Mama looked what Danielle sent from heaven another penny. She really misses her sister a lot.

Love and prayers

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[ericasmom]

Today I found a quarter on my walk and a penny in two different spots. I do find coins and make wishes often on them. One day I was deep in thought about Eri, and I looked down and there was a penny from 1984, her year. I love all the ways she shows herself.

Peace,

Dee

[mikesmomrs]

Dee (and Greg and all) finding coins is such a heart-lifter.  And finding "their year" can send one over the moon!  The day we signed for our new house, we went by to take a look before we went to work, and when we came out, there was a penny, face up, on the driveway, by the driver's side of the car.  When my husband got into the car he handed it to me and said "wouldn't it be even greater if it had been 1975?"  I said, "well, let's take what we get, but yeah, it would."    Later, after dropping him off at work and going to work myself, I had to stop at the mailbox to mail a letter, and geting back into the car, I noticed some crumbs on the floor and I went to brush them out the door.  I noticed underneath, a penny, face up, and yep, of course, it was 1975!  When I told Mike's sister later, she said "I can just imagine Mike saying "geesh, mom, okay already, I'll send one with the year on it!"   Over the next two days, we found two more, both with his year on them...I guess he wanted to make sure that I got them!

All of these signs from our kids are just so awesome, and I can just imagine them getting together and saying "what will we do today?"

love and peace,

carol  mikesmomrs

[daniellemom]

Carol,

I will have to start checking the dates on the coins. Are you about ready to move into the new house? I hope you have at least finished all the painting.

[briansdad]

I'm having our fourth annual Brian Klocke Memorial Golf tournament this Sat.and I found this on line.I going to give one to everyone.I thought I share it with all of you.

 

The game of golf is simple and complex at the same time. The easiest of skills are sometimes the first forgotten, or last to be remembered.

I didn't follow through,

I raised up,

I bent my elbow,

I used too much club,

I used to little club,

I stood too close,

I stood too far,

I gripped wrong,

I Tee'd the ball too high,

I should have laid up.

All things a golfer knows, all things a golfer considers with each shot. Of course they would all like to have a scorecard full of eagle's and birdies, but sometimes par is a pretty good number.

[align=center] [/align]

Life and grief are very much like a game of golf. You start at the beginning nine and hope that you are better by the ending.

Grief has all the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's, like golf and each time you face another loss, all the things you learned before are sometimes forgotten.

You keep playing, hoping your score will improve or you can do a little better on one "hole" or another. But the enjoyment of Life is in the successes, not the failures.

You can relive a perfect golf shot, where you remembered everything and feel good about yourself. In life and after grief, you can remember the best times, and feel good again. You can change the world.

[align=center] [/align]

 

[daniellemom]

Brian's Dad (Greg)

I hope it's beautiful weather Saturday and I hope to see pictures!

How is your sister doing?

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[briansdad]

It is supposed to be beautiful Sat.AND my sis is great! no cancer anywhere else.Thanks for asking.

[4everjoeysmom]

Greg, That's wonderful news about your sister!!  And how cool...a golf tourney.  Wish I was nearby.  I'd love to be part of that.  One of the last big golf events I went to was the US Open at Pinehurst a few years back.  Had a lot of fun.  But a golf event to honor one of our kids...  how spectacular.  I love golf...never played much, but got a free lesson once from Ledbetter while in Jamaica.  I hope you get lots of turnout...  Blessings, Claudia

[summergirl]

Hello to all - It is amazing how much you have to catch up on when you haven't gotten the chance to come on for a few days - so many postings to read so I will do that this weekend. It has been a tough week as we lost another friend to cancer, so back to the wake, the funeral, the saddness and "flashbacks" of Jessica as the funeral took place at the same one as Jessica. Have also been dealing with some major "Tavian meltdowns" - ever since all the children in his kindergarden class made cards for their mom's for mother's day and talking about their mom's he has been having a diffacult time, sort of back to the anger, "I am mad at you because I don't know who else to be mad at and I don't know how to get rid of my anger so you are my target".  I have done alot of talking to him and it has worked at times but other times he pushes to far and then I have to do the "mommy" thing and it's time out - I actually believe he needs me to punish him in some way and I get confused on what to do!!!! Daily struggles of this life we now lead but I know that I will get through it and will all be stronger because of it.

emmasgrandma - I was scanning through the posts quickly and yours caught my eye and the tears flow at your loss of your beautiful Jessica. My heart aches for you as I know the road you are on now is a long one, many questions with no answers, learning to be a grandama/mommy. It has been just over 2 years and each day is still a learnig process. I too think of all of the "firsts" with Tavian and am so sad that my Jessica is not here to see them - he is growing so fast and is so much like her that it is amazing. It has been a diffacult journey adjusting to this new life but I would never have it any other way - if it was meant to be that my daughter was taken then I thank God every day for having the chance to have her only son with us. He has gotten me through many tough times and has given me a strength I never thought I would have after losing Jessica - he teaches me so much. I am so glad that you have found this site and I pray that you keep in touch with all here - it has brought so many wonderful things to my life, there are no words to explain the strength, the love, the hope and understanding that I get here so please keep coming and we will be able to help each other in out struggle with coping with our loss and our new beginnings - God Bless you and I hope to hear from you soon.

Trudi - welcome back my friend - thank you for your kind words of the poem - it is something I know Barry will love and there will be alot of tears but the words just came to me so there is a reason for that - my beautiful daughter has spoken to me and I am answering her.

To all - I will catch up soon - have missed you all so much but hopefully things will slow down a bit and I can once again catch my breath and move forward once again.

Good night and peace, love to all - Kathy

[briansdad]

Kathy,

Don't be too worried about Tavian. I lost my Dad when I was verry young and I was the same way.Angry all the time and not knowing who I wanted to direct it .So I chose whoever was available.If you can afford it you may want to get a professional for him to talk to.I didn't have that opportunity and when Brian died I had to deal with both losses again.

[mamabets]

For Briansdad~ Absolutely beautiful, Greg...From me to you, I send you love and hope for nothing but blue skies on Saturday. We are all there with you by heart, and so proud to be in your life~

I would love to get a copy of the golf game story. We have to send one to Bill and the rest of the family...I want one framed!!

LOVE

mamabets

 

 

[summergirl]

Greg - thank you for your concern. Actually Tavian just finished with therapy, he has been going since June of 2006 - his therapist felt that he was doing so well he didn't need to come every week anymore - just once a month now. He is scheduled to go next week so we shall see if that theory has changed. God Bless you my friend and thank you for your kindness - Kathy

[ericasmom]

Dear Greg,

May the skies be the bluest ever, and know that you have changed the world for many...the lessons learned from your loss passed on to those new to the journey and to those of us already here.

I know your Son is smiling on you, blessing you.

Peace,

Dee

[lorismom]

Hello Everyone ~ I'd like to share this pretty song, "Until We're Together Again" that is at http://www.spiritlyric.com/song.html The story behind these lovely lyrics and music is also at this website. It really touched my heart and I hope it brings some comfort to others traveling this journey........

[shellbellsmom]

Lorismom,

I checked it out and I agree its a beautiful song...and the words touched my heart.  I also have read the book "Hello's from Heaven".  I bought it many years before my daughter even died.  Not sure why...but I guess I have always been fascinated with ADC.  Now...I live for them and pray that I will get them from my love ones. 

Thanks again for sharing this website with us.  Sue

[heathershope]

I checked out the song too.  It is beautiful.  It made me very sad though, as if there is anything that doesn't now, but that song in particular.  I think it's trying to resign such peacefulness and beauty with the idea it is about our children who are gone.  How can something so awful be portrayed by something so beautiful?  I know it is supposed to make us feel better...and it does, but it also makes me feel worse.

 I am starting to deflate from my great feelings I had after the one year/balloon launch.  For a minute I thought wow...this is a turning point.  It is and it's not.  The anticipation has lifted but the sorrow has returned full force.  I don't know what I expected...to feel like everything was going to be okay again?  It's not.  Not ever!

I feel so bad for those of you who are just beginning the journey...and envious of those of you who have found some long standing peace amidst the pain.  I am halfway in between I think.  Maybe the fact that I had a few days where I felt like it just might be okay is a good sign, that I will get there someday where I can have peace.  

I see alot of posts on finding coins.  I too have been finding alot of pennies from Heaven, or so it seems.  I frequently find them laying outside my car door when I go to get in it.  One day a few weeks ago I found one outside my sisters car door (I was riding with her) so I gave it to her and said "Heather sent you a penny" then I walked around the car and there was one by my door too.  Such small things but yet they feel monumental when they occur.  I am feeling like I am being a bit of a downer tonight. I apologize, I am just in one of those spaces where nothing short of Heather coming back feels good enough.  I feel sorta ashamed to say that, especially when Heather probably works so hard to send me those things...will this pain never end?  I know the answer to that, that's what has me so scared tonight I think.

I planted more in Heather's butterfly garden today and said a little prayer for all the kids. I hope and pray that the butterflies come in droves this year and I will believe it is each and everyone of your kids stopping by with Heather to say a quick hello.  I'll let you all know how that goes when the flowers start to bloom.

Have a peaceful night everyone.

Terri

 

 

[heathershope]

Sorry to double post but I wanted to share this photo of Heather.  I just ran across it again and I love it. It show the twinkle in her eyes to perfection.

Terri

[4everjoeysmom]

Hey Terri, That's a great picture of Heather.  I love the bob-cut under the straw hat, and definitely the twinkle in her eyes.

I remember having those feelings you described--feeling worse after the 1 year date passed and all again was quiet.  I recall thinking "now the first year of the firsts is gone", as if that meant that I had reached some sort fo milestone.  It was a letdown.  There are so many firsts I am still experiencing, and they still catch me off guard and take my breath away.  Instead of 3 months, 6 or ten, now I am saying 21 months, 22, and soon it will be 2 years.  It's like how we counted the months when they were babies--up until 2 years old.  (Someone made that analogy not long ago here.)  Recently I had a tough wave of grief to hurdle, but I am rising up again.  I think there will be hurdles for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life.  But I know as each one passes and I am able to get up off the ground again, I feel encouraged that I am surviving somehow.  It hurts.  It's horrible.  And I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.  But it is what it is and I can't change it.  My comfort is in knowing I will see Joey again, as you will Heather.

Though it is hard for us, my friend, death from this life was not their end.  It marked the beginning of their eternity....  We will make it through this life, and then we too shall begin anew and forever, with them.  Hugs, Claudia