Loss of an Adult Child

[Tommy's mum]

4mym&J I urge you to get all the complete facts from the authorities before taking any action against your son's father. In early grief we all want to find someone or something to blame. If indeed he is found to be at fault you will need some good counsel to decide whether to take any action. I am so sorry this news is not the information you needed to hear at this time and i hope you have plenty of loving support around you to help you. We do not judge here and will continue to befriend you whatever the outcome ok?

dee I do not know what the video shows I will have to wait and see. I know exactly what took place that night I spoke to all involved and have made as much peace as I can with the outcome. Blaming is not any use to anyone we all involved have to pick up the pieces of our lives and keep moving forwards that is what is important. Bless you for recognising the hurt it causes but I will be ok thanks.

dianne thank you for your kind words. It will be hard when the video is released i know but something inside tells me I need to see it. On the song I could hear my son's voice, it has been over 3 years now and the passion in it tells me Tommy felt it was the only way to save his friend. he died bravely and I need to respect his choice even though the cost was far too high.

donnamaria some of us are in different time zones or countries so it depends when we post but I am sure there must be a helpline you can call anytime? Like the samaritans or something? In some areas there are bereavement groups too but it really needs to be a child loss group as our grief is a little different. Hope you find some help and let your family and friends help you too it is still early days.

[TearsInHeaven]

Lesley, I know when you first joined I told you your son was a hero.  Not that that makes your loss easier because we know it does not.  But in my mind when you post I always think of Tommy being the bravest young man...and that is how he will be remembered by so many who knew him, read of him, heard of him.

Donnamaria, sadly I do not know anyone in this forum that uses the chat room.  Like Lesley said we are scattered in different countries, different time zones, some work, some are retired. But, the posts are read, many posts are added and there is always good words, wise information by so many.  I found this from Compassionate Friends--Online Support for Child Loss - Compassionate Friends (Online Support/Chat) - https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/online-communities/online-support/

Hope this helps.

[4MyM&J]

Tommy’s Mom- I am waiting for copies of all the reports from both law enforcement, EMS, and the hospital before I take any action. I just want to know what happened to my boy. I was 6 hrs away when he was in his accident, and 3hrs away when I found out he was gone. I just don’t understand why his father would lie, other then to make himself look better or protect his other son that was on the UTV with them. So much of what he’s told me doesn’t make sense, and now that I’m coming out of this fog I’ve been in, I can see that. No amount of money or jail time will ever bring my boy back to me, or mend my broken heart and world. But I have to know what happened. I need to know what his last hour on this earth consisted of. 

[My girl is in heaven]

Thank you to everyone for holding me and Kira in your thoughts and prayers yesterday.  Dianne that was so precious and dear of you and your little grand daughter to send bubbles to my Kira.  I’m sure she caught everyone.  I was so touched you did that.  Also I had a big smile on my face when the other day you said that Erica, Kiona and Kira would be playing with the two four year olds.  Those three beauties are for sure on the welcoming committee up there.  Susan, that song is beautiful and sure fits. I am going to refer to it when I’m in a bad way some days.  As some of you know one of the last things that we did together was go shopping and then had an ice cream cone while walking back to the car. Kira not only ate hers but ended up eating the rest of mine too.  That was my Kira....she loved her food. So on her angel date I always go somewhere and get an ice cream cone and say cheers to you Kira.  That’s the mommy and Kira thing I do every year on June 19th.  I went to a different city this year asked where there was an ice cream shop. It was a small place with a little bench.  The owner was standing there behind the counter talking to a young girl who was working there . I was just looking over what flavour I wanted when I heard the owner say to this girl. ‘Yes I just hired Kira. I was talking to Kira’s grandma and she said Kira was looking for a job.  “.   I absolutely froze , I wasn’t even sure if I could stand. With that the owner walked   Down the counter working at something and I said to her, you just said the name Kira. I told her my story and she said my ice cream cone was free.  If I had of been even one minute there earlier or later than I was I would not have heard that conversation. Exactly 7 years and to the hour I walked into a strange city in an ice cream shop that I’d never been in and heard my baby’s name.  And Kira is not a real common name.  I’m still trying to process it.  That’s what I call holding onto our crumbs and slivers my friends.  Watch for them, suck them in with all you got when they present themselves.  I’m dieting and would not normally eat ice cream and if I did it would only be one scoop.  But I told the girl I wanted the large, extra scoop , just what Kira would have had.  New York cheesecake.  I enjoyed every bit of it. Thanks again for all your kindness everyone.

[My girl is in heaven]

[My girl is in heaven]

ForMyM&J.  No you can’t get your boy back but so do deserve to know what happened to him.  Let us know how things unfold.  We will always be here for you holding your hand. Be gentle with yourself, you r on this rocky road but you needn’t walk it alone.  Hugs to you.

Lesley.  That is terribly insensitive of that young man to be making this video or song or whatever he is doing.  That is so hurtful to you and those that loved Tommy. I agree with Dianne, your tommy was a true hero if ever there was one. His unselfish act to instinctively help somebody else even though he knew the risk is what true hero material is made of.  Please give me that boys address and I will tell him to buzz off. You should not be burdened with this, you have enough to live with.  Really give me his email or text or whatever.  You go make yourself some tea...that’s what you drink in England right. Rest up your ankle and don’t give this kid and his video another thought.  Take care dear friend. 

Donna Marie. I am retired and live in Ontario. I think it is the same time zone.  My email is ltaylor50@rogers.com.  I have free calling to the states. I don’t mind if you want to chat.  I can be there any time day or night. I don’t mind if you need to talk at 3 a.m. I always have my phone on me.  Let me know if I can help. But keep coming back to this web site cause you will never find more love and support as you can get here.  Hugs

[shorty16]

A big Thank you to all my friends on this site.  You are my second family.

Louann,  ice cream looks yummy

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

[Jeff's Mom]

Louann, is that frozen yogurt? It looks like strawberry/vanilla. Eat it fast... as it will melt in our heat. That sounds like just the ticket for a warm night after our walk. My husband is an ice cream fan and I have always loved frozen yogurt. 

Thinking of everyone and wishing you a night filled with peace.

Kate

[My girl is in heaven]

It's New York cheesecake ice cream Kate.  U getting some heat.  Only had a few warm days so far. Is anyone watching the nhl awards from Vegas. I've never been and I know it's a city of pomp and pageantry and they don't understand hockey.  But hockey is not about all this fluff and a puppet on stage. Really. It's about hardcore blood and guts , hard hard work. This is such disrespect for the sport. I can get past the Trump comments to our prime minister but to turn our hockey awards into a cheesy side show.  What a sad day for the nhl.  But they did pay tribute to the parkland school tragedy.  Sorry I probably shouldn't  say but just had to vent.  I can't decide if I am more mad or sad.  Have a good night. 

[ericasmom]

Luanne, what a wonderful sign from your girl, to be directed to that place at that moment! Wonderful...magical. These are the gifts from Angels. I don't watch any hockey, but I can imagine the spectacle it is if the show is in Vegas.

Donnamarie, it sounds like Victor faced adversity with a huge heart and strong faith. Maybe instead of looking at God taking Victor, you can see that God gave Victor a place to go...a place for us all to go when our bodies no longer can sustain life. Tell us more when you are able, about Victor and about your life with him. It sounds as though you are very close. As far as a chat room, well I used to attend the chat room, years ago, but it was not well attended and often there were folks with very different kinds of losses and so the conversations were a bit disjointed. I hope that you can find some solace in knowing that we here understand what you are feeling and facing. While all of our Kids are different...losing them brings us all into a big circle of parents who are broken and who find ways to heal. We are on different timelines, some new like yourself, and others here for many years, like me. Going on 15 years.

Dianne, so nice of you to post a site that Donnamarie may find helpful.

Susan, beautiful music.

[MargeeTx]

You all are probably wondering what rock I climbed out front under.....it wasn't a rock... more like 1-2 hours of talking to Meredith every night since their birthday on the 7th.  And, I have had  a lot of conversations with Jeremy too.  I knew June was going to be tough, but come on..... this has been God awful. Mere's husband had knee replacement surgery last Tuesday, and Mere is having some major dental surgery on Thursday.  Not sure if I told you that Jason had purchased a 2017 Ford whatever pick up in November. He paid cash for it, so we all decided that Jeremy would take the truck.  It was a God thing that he was able to pull to the side of the road before he got out of the truck and died right there.  Well, Jer is having emotional pain every time he gets in the truck, mostly only on weekends because he drives a company truck during the week. And, even though it hurts, he is glad that he has this part of Jason.  Mere just "wants to see Jason one more time."  And why did God take Jason away from us? And then she wants me tell her again about their birth.   By the time I have talked with them both for a couple of hours....I am spent.  I take my glass of wine and get in the hot tub, and watch the stars.  And, then I recall the many nights that Jason and I had sat in that spa and talked. And talked. And talked.  So Jason gets a bucket and pours me into bed... just kidding.  Mike does.

I realized that during the past couple of weeks, I had missed some important dates, and getting to know our new folks.  But, you each were in my heart and my thoughts.  I have missed being here.  My brother is making good progress and will hopefully have the g-tube pulled before the 4th.

So, how am I?  Holding on by a very thin thread.....but holding.  Oh, I almost forgot.  The toxicology report came back.....totally clean.   Good feeling.  

Take care my friends.  I need all of you.  I wish my brain fog would lift so I might be more helpful.

xxoomargaret

 

 

[Sunshine Princess Jaelynn]

I want to share this YouTube video with everyone. I felt like she was talking to me. 

Rxtech47: I want to let you know how sorry I am that you're carrying more by not seeing your grandchildren. It's one thing to go through a loss and then to have more added on top of it creates more pain. Please, we are here. Speak your feelings, thoughts and pain. We got you. 

Tommy's mum: Thank you, they all are my light, my world, my warmth, my happiness, my everything. I'm feeling a little of that strength, not fully but enough. Just enough, if that makes sense? 

There are times that I'm in a daze and the time of days go by so fast or so slow. Today was a little better but then again tomorrow could be worse. I'm very grateful to have all of you and my family to help me through this. Thank you all for hearing my pain and suffering. With that said, I remember one of you stating when I first came here to change my name. I know I'm still carrying this heavy load of guilt in me but I think doing it is kind of a step forward to me bringing peace within myself. (Won't happen for a long time)....Especially since it's what we called Jaelynn, our beautiful Princess Sunshine. 

My therapist mentioned to me that I'm possibly suffering from ptsd/ trauma and depression. It's only been my second time going so she's still evaluating me I think. When she said that I freaked out. I'm crazy, I thought. But then again I did see things that nobody should ever experience. I hope that I keep going and she really really helps me get through this. 

Praying for you all. Stephanie

[My girl is in heaven]

Morning Stephanie.  I refuse to call you the guilt.. because why you feel that way now and may for sometime  you and I did not intentionally do anything to harm our child.  God knows exactly what was in our hearts that day and even now.  You will eventually be released from your guilt.  Remember the moms who don’t lose thier children are only luckier than us, they aren’t better moms. I’m glad u have a good therapist, that can go along way.  But if ever u feel like they aren’t helping or you aren’t clicking , find another one. I stuck with one who did nothing but drug me up for five years and wasted my time. And just remember every time you have one of those dazed days and slide back into the pit, you do crawl out again and each time you do you are just a little big stronger. I had PTSD for a long time but 7 years on , only rarely experience it.  There is hope, peace and releases coming and you will find them all when it is your time. 

 

Margee. Your right June has been god awful, but so far you and me Collen have gotten thru it. I remember bracing for the first and now it’s half over. While it is draining , how wonderful Meredith wants to talk about her brother. It is probably very healing for her.  Glad to hear your brother is coming along. A glass of wine and the hot tub sound very relaxing.  Hope you and Susan aren’t near any of the flooding . Hope u have a good day today. 

 

Luanne.....Kira’s mama

 

 

[Tommy's mum]

4mym&j I was like a woman demented gathering every fact after my son's death talking to everyone there after tracing them the police ER doctor everyone because like you I needed to know everything to try and peice together what happened. By no means was I suggesting you let your son's father off the hook, in your place I would gladly send him down for life. However the authorities usually make the judgement as to whether to prosecute/incarcerate etc. It is important to have all the facts to determine carelessness,neglect or murder etc and I hope sincerely that this gets resolved soon for you and your family. Initially in my son's case the police were thinking of prosecuting his friend for negligent homicide but I am glad that was dropped and it was determined an accidental death. That kid had severe injuries to deal with and also the guilt of killing his friend but also was suffering from a mental illness so that was reason enough for me.

lou the ice cream story was incredible. I bet Kira is raiding the ice cream stores up there as we speak! Who does not love ice cream?!

[4MyM&J]

Tommy’s Mom- I understand. Unfortunately my son’s father works in LE, not where the accident happened, but he’s still LE. He called in favors and has the reports on lock down. My friend has been helping me try to get everything gathered and they have to mail the report to my son’s father and then I have to get it from him. I just feel like he’s hiding something. Why else would he have the police report locked down that tightly? 

[TearsInHeaven]

Luanne, I was really touched by your statement:

4 hours ago, My girl is in heaven said:

Remember the moms who don’t lose thier children are only luckier than us, they aren’t better moms.

I think that is a good thing to remember. Whether our loss happened because of illness, accident, violence, drugs or any reason...it was out of our control and anyone of us would have moved Heaven and Earth to have prevented it.  As a mother or a father we internalize and think we could have changed things "IF ONLY". A touching sign from your Kira...she has been there all along for you. Thanks for sharing it. Every sign gives us all hope.

Stephanie,  thanks for posting  that video.  I never thought in terms of grief being fear. Everything was so on point. It also helped me because spending time with my daughter, who will not talk about her brother's loss, has made me understand where she might be.  Unlike Margarett above, whose children need to talk about their sibling, mine doesn't talk to me or her dad about it.  I see her anger increase and I, as the mom try to reach her, but minimal, if any luck.  You gave me something, and perhaps a tool to think about and use.

Margarett, holding on by a thin thread is OK! That thread will get thicker. The important part is holding on! Sorry to hear your daughter and SIL have had to have surgical events.  Hoping all goes well.  Your SIL must be rather young for knee replacement. The last couple of months I have been having therapy and procedures to determine if I need the same.  Well, the answer is yes.  I have to wait for the surgeon to get me on his schedule.  

Susan, good to see you and hoping your recovery is going well. Your snippets are always on target.Hope that little Veto is growing like a weed.

[shorty16]

Hey Peggy.  Wondering if you are out there.  Thinking of you.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[daveydow1]

4MyM&J----I am sorry for your loss of your dear little boy. You have come

to a good and active site.  There is a lot of understanding, and empathy

because everyone here has lost children.  Please keep coming, and read/post

as you feel you want to. There are no "requirements, or rules" about how

and when one posts.  Peace to you.

BRIAN.......BRIAN......BRIAN......SAYING YOUR NAME,  AND REMEMBERING YOU.

Colleen-------I'm sorry I misses Brian's Angel Day. I hope that you'll get some signs

from him.....signs to warm your heart. I remember the T-shirt quilt.....so nice, such

a nice tribute.

 

Michele-----You are welcome to this site....one that no parent ever wants to be a part of.

I am sorry for your loss of your daughter. I hope you can come back....everyone here

understands, and there are people who are very new on this road, and those who have

been here a few, or several years.  Everyone understands, firsthand, the grief of losing  children. 

Bea8924----Thanks for the lovely pic of your little daughter, Nezzy.  She is a beautiful child.

Also, your  "Pennies From Heaven" jar is such a nice tribute to honor her memory.....beautiful.

 

KIRA.......ANGEL IN HEAVEN......SMILE DOWN ON YOUR MAMA, TO SEND HER ALL YOUR LOVE.

LouAnn-----I'm sorry I missed Kira's  Angel day.  Such a lovely sentiment to put in the church

bulletin, and the purple flowers on the altar are just lovely.  

Kate---I agree with you 100% about suicide.  It is definitely not the easy way out. I have always

thought this way.  

Virginia------Your daughter will not be forgotten .....she'll always be with you in spirit.

RXtech21------I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter.  You are so early on this rough,

and sorrowful grief road we all find ourselves on. Please come back.....everyone here understands.

Guilt-----thanks for the video. Yes, I agree......fear is a big part of the grief road. You mentioned dumb

things that people may say to the grief-stricken parent....."in a better place" etc.etc.  When my baby, Lisa,

died many years ago,.....at the wake, a friend and her husband came.  ( they had a baby boy about the

same age as Lisa...6 months old)....She looked down into the casket...then said to me "I can't get over

thinking that could be my baby boy.....I'm so relieved".    Yes, people say dumb things, hurtful things.

Anywhere along the grief journey, we may hear things better left unsaid. 

 

Lesley-----I agree.....it IS important  to us.....keeping their memory alive, and as long as we live,

we will definitely keep the memory of our darlings.  Others may forget, but we don't forget.

Somersky-----Hang on, friend.   It is so very hard to do on this journey, I know.  Thanks for the pic

of the beautiful peonies.   Gazing into the face of a flower is very calming, I believe. 

 

WISHING  PEACE  AND  COMFORT  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry 

 

 

 

[daveydow1]

Taken in Davey and Lisa's garden.

[donnamaria]

Why dont people understand im not functioning i cant do things my day is waking up crying and going to bed crying between that im filled with guilt and the what ifs i once had a happy life there was laughs sure some tears nightly bible study now my faith is ripped to the core how can you tell me now you can do for you do for me my child is dead hes never coming back all the plans we made are gone people say do them he will be with you but the thought of you not being there hurts so bad i keep going back to that night why didnt i stay with you oh why did i ever leave that room the loss and guilt is too much to bare my heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest people dont understand they ask me things for things expecting my life to all of a sudden be the same as there dont they know im dying inside you were my world and now your gone im not sure about anything anymore your faith was so strong how would you have gotten through would you have went crazy like you said like iam now i dont kow how to do this with out you we use to pray all the time and i cant seem to im angry at God at the world am i being punished is this our hell then why are there some that dont suffer sure they might have some heart ache but none like this i need so much for you to forgive me for me to know your alright people know im grieving but they dont care i know im ranting but i dont know what to do how to get through this i have so much pain and guilt i cant forgive myself can victor forgive me why is my faith so shattered 

[ericasmom]

Sherry, lovely photo, in all of the rain we are having, it is a breath of your sunny air that fills my spirit, so thank you.

Margee, so glad to know you are out there. I am glad that you are hanging on, and that thin thread is probably a bit sturdier than you thought: think spiders silk...we tightrope these strands that keep us connected because we must, and someday it will be because you want to. Wow, you have been a super source of help for your KIDS, they needed you for these deep talks. I am glad that you could do it but SPENT? yes. Spin more thread while you get the rest you need.

Donnamaria, a lot of folks just don't get it, if they see you out in the world, which of course we need to be often having to return to work long before we are ready...or shopping for groceries...they think we are functioning. NOPE< just staying alive. We don't owe explanations to folks, but sometimes a well formed paragraph is enough, like: No, I am not ready to undertake any of my former roles and responsibilities, you see I am in deep grief. In the old days, folks wore an arm band to indicate their grieving status...most of us need a year to find out how to quite breathe and walk and work and nurture those still at home. So please give me space and time, I will let you know when I am ready for more. Thank you.

 

 

[Bea8924]

I'm sorry if I refer to you by your username...gonna take me a while to learn everyones name. 

I FOUND ANOTHER PENNY! on a special day too. My son graduated kinder today. I hoped she would be with us and I received my sign that she was. It's a rainy day in Chicago today. After the ceremony was over and we were rushing into the car to avoid the rain, there it was...Right in front of the passenger side door...a penny. I didn't care that I was getting wet. I picked it up and knew that she was with us cheering her big brother on. It came just when I needed it. Yesterday we received all her class work from school and it was an emotional night for my husband and I. Seeing all the hard work she put into her school and feeling like her future is gone is something I'm gonna have to learn to accept. They provided plenty of picture too so it just a night filled with tears. Just gonna continue to do my best to stay strong. You are all in my thoughts. Thank you for all the help as well.

[ericasmom]

Take your time with our names Bea, we are a huge group...the penny is a beautiful gift from your Angel...celebrating her Bro.

[Mermaid Tears]

Remembering Trista....Shannon's daughter....died in a car wreck....on this day.....I think Shannon and the boys are in a good place now. I will say this...the circumstances and situations that Shannon was placed in...(by her family and in-laws) was very bad. I pray she and the boys are having a good remembrance day for Trista...

[shorty16]

Remembering Trista..

Shannon has overcome a lot.  Last I heard she was living on a farm with the boys and enjoys it.

Love to younShannon as we say Trista's name.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks colleen i'm here i'm here everyday. i guess i feel the newer people need the help more right now. i know my pain and heartache will never go away as i know no one else's will either. i'm not trying to be selfish i'm really not i just feel like i can't help any one else yet.

thank you so much for asking

i hope wednesday was not as harsh as i picture it

please take care

peggy

[NiquesMom]

Today is 6 months. I thought I was doing ok, but i am starting to spiral.  I cannot get ahold of my husband, he's probably just stuck at work. My son says "maybe he died", so matter of fact.  I am so stressed,  I cannot lose him too,  I am sure I am overreacting but I am a complete mess right now. 

[shorty16]

Virginia,

Like you said, your husband is most likely stuck at work.

sorry, your son responded like that.  I too have gone from 0-60 in 1 second after my Brian died.  I would talk rationally to myself.  

we are here for you 

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

[ericasmom]

Virginia, we all have that instant panic button in our spirit and brain now...the fact that your Son said, Maybe he died, is actually not a horrid thing for a little one to say...most psychologists would probably say, it is the way his age is processing his Sissy's death. Kids are so matter of fact, it is what they do with information before moving on to other things...doesn't mean they forget, it just means that they generally don't stay in that same mode for long like we do. I came apart at 6 months, it is a benchmark time, a half of a year, how can it be? We are here, let yourself weep Girl, it is what we do when we need to release the ache. Please let us know how your husband is...

[My girl is in heaven]

Hey Dee.  I just came out of a store and looked up. And there they were, big pink Eri clouds.  Boy your girl sure gets around. Hope u don't mind I shared this with you. 

[ericasmom]

MIND? I love it Luanne, thanks so much...I do so agree, those are Eri-pink clouds for sure. Lovely, and how nice that you thought of us.

I forgot to agree with you the other day. and thank Dianne, about Erica and Kiona and Kira being together, taking care of the young ones in their new home...heaven-bound.

[ericasmom]

Our first lightning bugs this evening...Erica so loved to catch and release lightning bugs, and tonight, though quite chilly after over 2 inches of rainfall today, there they were, lighting up our garden after dusk...so beautiful.

[Tommy's mum]

margarett good to hear from you again it all takes time to process things but being in your hot tub with a glass of wine and talking with your boy sounds like good therapy to me. Glad the tox screen came back clean for you that must have been important, it was a PE so instant so he did not suffer. Now it is about trying to find some happy thoughts and memories of your son to help with the sad days.

4mym&j there must be a way as the mom you can see the report you are also next of kin. It does sound bit dodgy and i understand your real concerns the truth the whole truth is important it does help answer some questions and put the puzzle together. do you have a lawyer that can compel your sons father to turn over the report? 

stephanie PTSD is very likely it was an extremely tragic highly affecting accident which would have left you definitely traumatised. EMDR is an effective therapy for that perhaps your therapist will offer it to you? Your experience was horrific. Put grief on top of that and you are likely to be depressed but not crazy. You are not crazy at all just a mom who has been through an appalling tragedy. i had a severe mental breakdown after losing my son and i was not even there. All of us are affected differently we each have only a pre determined amount of coping skills dependent on how our lives have beenm and different things break us and it is ok we are only human. i suggested your name change to help you with your negative view of yourself but if you are not ready it is ok.

donnamaria after the loss of a child we all shatter into a million pieces because everything has changed so quickly it is not only your faith that goes it is your mind your peace your world. Just one day at a time small steps remember you are not alone.

so a strange thing happened today to me. I went to make a cup of coffee and there was a penny on the counter which was definitely not there before as I had cleaned the kitchen before bedtime. I was astonished after all our discussions on that topic. I guess our kids all meet up and talk too! It was a happy moment.

peggy no one person needs help and care more than anyone else we are all equal so post whenever you want ok? I lost my boy almost 3 years ago and I still need support from everyone here. Our stories of loss and learning to cope, falling down and getting up are equally valued and you are as much part of our community as anyone else.

virginia as colleen said we have all gone from 0 to 60 in panic you are not alone in that. I remember I had a really hard time when my other kids were down and they left to go shopping or out with friends because the irrational part of my mind was so scared I would lose them too. It is a normal over reaction just take deep breaths and focus on something else briefly it will be ok it will pass.

I miss lightning bugs so much I wish we had them here I am sure they would thrive in our climate. They are so beautiful and magical like fairy lights. my kids would catch them too and keep them for one night before releasing them again happy memories...

[NiquesMom]

So my husband had to work later than he thought,  can't have his phone on him,  when he finally called me I was in tears.  He says "I was at work,  you know that" and I told him nique was at work too.  I went to my support group,  said it all and felt much better. 

I think my son and I still have a ways to go,  thanks for not thinking I am crazy

[Mermaid Tears]

Leslie....I hope you are healing. As far as seeing the video that friend of your son created....I had a video of my daughter's wedding....I knew at the time that I wasn't 'ready' or balanced enough to watch it....so...I did not put it away...I simply put it aside...knowing that one day...I would be  'ready'. The day came when I was watching Veto...he was only a few months old...I was alone and I put it in the dvd player...held Veto and gave him a bottle...and rocked him to sleep and I watched the whole video...tears and smiles. You will know instinctively when you are ready and balanced enough..maybe months..maybe years...but you will know. It goes to show how loyal his friends are for finding ways to remember him....maybe not our style....but their style and that is to be cherished.

You seem to be slipping into a very mellow mood....but we all can understand how being 'house bound...cabin fever' can affect our moods....please sit in the sunshine...or your blue light and bring some way to lift the heavy from your heart. You have many, many blessings to count.

Am sending this photo....this is one of my 'girls' who has that darling daughter...(I only have one daughter..but I have many, many 'girls' that are so dear to me)..she and husband and baby are in the UK now....going to a wedding....they have sent me many photos of their trip...but I love this one.

[donnamaria]

thank you all for your kind words they help alot im doing this one minute at a time i wish life would stay still but it wont so many things i wish i would have done but maybe some day my son will say its ok mom im good you did the best you could i know he loved me so very much iam humbled by his facebook posts and the love he had for me i just never wanted to let him down i will be going to the cemetary soon 2 weeks ago he was here today i look at his empty bed with heartache if  you believe in prayer please keep me in yours i hate this club wish none of us had to be here 

[TearsInHeaven]

Virginia, glad your husband was ok.  I so understand that kind of worry.  Even before our loss I would worry if someone was late. My panic button is very easy to push. It must be my makeup.  My parents never gave me a middle name---they lost enthusiam after sticking the 2nd N in Dianne.  So I always say my middle name is GloomandDoom.

Susan, Shannon was so good to me when I first came on site. I never knew her whole story but I knew she settled in with her boys in her little yellow house and seemed content. 

Sherry, I love that you put in flowers so often in your post.  I cannot garden and I always have and always will love flowers.

Luanne, very cool pictures.  I remember last year when we drove back from Wyoming we saw pink clouds and both of us thought of Eri. For those who are afraid their child will be forgotten...rest assured that here they will be remembered.

Lesley, found a penny... I think you are right all of our kids, adults, teens, young ones...they are all in this together for us.  I think we need to challenge them to which of them can do the best "sign".  A little competition up there and we would all reap the benefits.

Peggy, do not stress over posting or helping or anything here.  No pressure. Just know that we are all here whenever you need.  That goes for everyone, of course. 

Tina, I truly hope your job situation and neighbor situation can be on the upswing.This second year can be hard and that is plenty for anyone without all of the outside problems.  Holding positive thoughts.

Donnamaria, sometimes it is a minute at a time and don't feel the need to think past that.  Your son knows you always did the best for him and he loves you for it. You never let him down, I can tell by the way you talk of him and suffer.  These early times are hard and there is no way around it.. Just know when you go to the cemetery he will be sitting there with you. 

[shorty16]

Virginia, each one of us has a bit of crazy in us now.  Who can blame us. I had to work really hard not to FREAK out on my other 2 kids when they did not respond to my text within seconds.  You will learn to identify these feelings and react appropriately.  That takes time.

well, the world did not come to an end on June 19.  I am still here.  Brian's 27 birthday is July 12.  Birthdays are special days just for that person.  My heart hurts.  After July 12, I will be fine.

Peggy, thanks for sticking around.  Becoming part of life again is a process that takes time.  

Love to all

Colleen, Brians Mom forever 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

We went for a lovely walk into the woods today along the trails leading to Jeff's bench. The woods and fields were filled with thousands of daisies. I always enjoy looking at the wildflowers along the way. The walk along the beach was so relaxing and a cool breeze felt so refreshing off of the lake. I have also shown the orchid that I posted a couple of months ago. It is still blooming! I threatened to throw it out a while back... as it had not bloomed again since first purchasing. It must have heard me. So frequently when I am at a low I find that nature helps to lift my spirits.  Sending love to all for a peaceful weekend.

Kate

[donnamaria]

so i just go home and went on my fb and you know on the top where it as the little round thing about posts you didnt read i clicked it on and it said you have nine posts save and one from victor so i go to it and the post said listen i know your all jelly cuz i have the best mother in the univerise he wrote that in 2012 my heart is so over whelmed right now that was so beautiful

[NiquesMom]

Kate, where do you live? That is jyst beautiful,  makes my heart feel good. 

Waiting for the offer letter, but I think I have a new job in Florida starting august 1st. I had 3 interviews with them,  they called all my references,  and today they requested my official transcript!! I know nique is working things for me, it's supposed to be me taking care of her but now she is taking care of me. 

Donna, I found a little knick knack in niques things after she died.  Said "first my mother,  always my friend, " she was going to give it to me when she moved out.  I wish she had been able to, but I'm glad I found it,  a nice surprise in a rotten time. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Virginia....sounds like they are very interested in you...we will keep our fingers crossed...where in Florida ? How amazing that you found the gift Nique picked out for you...like getting it straight from heaven. My anxiety level is now very high....when loved ones go on a trip....or just going to Houston or Austin...I really have to have a 'good talk' to myself and remind myself that I cannot control it all.....although...I wish I could.

Kate....how beautiful....and how I wish I could have been on the walk with you on the beach.....the waves and salty breezes seem to have healing in them....

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you, on the shores of Lake Winnipeg. We moved here a few years ago after living all of our lives in Winnipeg.  We have had a cottage in this area for as long as I can remember... as our families spent the summers at the lake. That is where I met my husband. It has and will always hold a special place in our hearts. The quiet solitude and peaceful serenity that I so need after Jeff's death.  When Jeff died we decided to donate a memorial bench at the provincial park..  

[ericasmom]

Kate, lovely photos of your area, so quietly beautiful. Thanks for posting, and how nice of your orchid to stand up and bloom...

Virgina, I love the gift that Niquee was planning for you...I am so glad that you came upon it. I will send extra positive energy your way as you wait to hear from Florida. Where about in Florida?

Donnamaria, how nice to have that message there for you...you are well loved. You will always be his Momma.

Susan, I know, I get it, when someone you love leaves the immediate area where you picture them, it can be hard on your nerves...we have all been changed, rewired by tragedy...God Bless.

Peg, you need not feel you have to reach out here, you can simply post how you are feeling, even if it is day in and day out, lousy...it helps to say how you are feeling because it helps to know that someone is listening. We are.

Dianne, my husband says my middle name should be doom adn gloom...funny how we seem to share these traits.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, God bless you on this date and God Bless Trista, as she sprinkles her love all around you and the Boys...and even the goats. May there be peace in your soul and joy living in your heart.

[NiquesMom]

The job is in Gainesville Florida.  Really excited,  for a change of scenary.

[My girl is in heaven]

Virginia.  I’m so happy for you.  Some people say you can’t run from your problems, they just follow you.  When we first moved from our house, because Kira had died there I wanted to move, I felt guilty for awhile I had left her home behind.  But in hind site that was the right thing to do. The heartache will follow you the rest of your life. But there is something so good about a clean slate where you don’t have to constantly be worried of seeing her fiends, or thier parents, triggers of places and sites and all this memories wrapped up where Nique lived.  You can carry those happy memories in your heart where ever u go. But I don’t think we have to have all those other triggers staring us in the face everyday.  Let us know how it goes. And yes your girl is watching out for you.

Kate.  How beautiful. Manitoba my next door neighbour and have never been . Hope to get there one day.  I just turned the furnace on to take the chill off. It is like a late fall day.  A few warm days but not many so far.  Ugh.  How is Ross doing. His eyes still ok I hope.  

Susan. I know what you mean about the anxiety when someone is travelling. But I was like that even before Kira died.  I just always figured it would always be my loved one. A few years ago a police officer came to my front door. My one son was home but the other lives in Toronto. I opened my door and just started saying, what happened to my son, tell me what happened to my son. When I finally let the police man talk he was there cause someone had dinged my car the day before and left thier info with the police for the insurance, so it was just a traffic incident.  The poor police man, kept saying who is your son, what r u talking about. He finally read off the paper word for word about the car incident. When he left I looked in a mirror that was there and I was totally white and felt like I could faint.  And I still called Evan in Toronto to make sure he was ok.  Of course the cop had no idea why I was freaking out. But only you guys would understand that feeling.

donna Marie.  What a lovely message from your boy.  As far as life staying still, here is a quote about that I like to refer to now and again.  

Life goes on whether you chose to move on and take a chance in the unknown or stay behind locked in the past, thinking of what could’ve been. 

You maybe aren’t ready yet, but you’ll get there one day.  

 

Luanne.....Kira’s mama

 

[KJs Mommy Always]

I’m new here. I don’t know where to start. I’m in so much pain and I doubt that I’ll ever be able to move pass the death of my only son. My son died on Monday, 18 Jun 18, 3 days after my birthday. He was only 6.5 months old. He didn’t die of SIDS. The autopsy didn’t show a cause of death so I’m struggling with the fact that my son just died so suddenly without warning. My son was beautiful..I remember the day that I found out I was having a boy after having 3 girls..I was so happy. He was my dream come true. I’m dead inside but I know that I have to be strong for my 3 daughters, and for my KJ. Kind words are welcome. Thank you for reading and caring

[My girl is in heaven]

Colleen.  Your right.  June 19th came and went.  How could it possibly be any worse than all the other June 19ths we have had to deal with.  Holding you close as Brian’s birthday comes up in July.

 

Luanne...Kira’s mama. 

 

[My girl is in heaven]

KJs mom. I’m so so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. My 17 year old daughter died very suddenly and unexpectantly 7 years ago and while they think it was heart related no one really knows for sure. Sometimes we may just never get those answers.  I can’t image how hard it is for those of you who still have other little ones you have to care for.  Rest assured you have come to a good, good place here. Lots of loving caring grieving parents who will accept you for where ever you are in this journey that none of us want to be on.  No judgement here, expectations, nothing but walking beside you holding your hands. Just for you to breath right now. If a day is to much to handle then take an hour or even a minute right now.  I know you may not feel like it now, and it is for sure a rocky road you will keep on going. My email is ltaylor50@rogers.com. If you want to chat or if you want a phone call I can do that too.  Lean on me, lean on us as hard and as much as you need.  Share as little or as much as you want.  Just remember you do not have to walk this road alone dear friend.  Nothing but hearts and hands here for you.  

Luanne....Kira’s mama