Grief turned to anger

[littleiris11]

I lost my husband to suicide 14 years ago and was in a relationship with someone else just weeks before he died. I wasn't allowed to talk about it with new partner me and kids had to keep a lid on it!

I then found out that he had been emotionally cheating with a woman online and things went downhill from there. He eventually threw me and son out of the home and I found a new place but in the meantime I started suffering from grief and guilt about my husband I lost ( I say husband as even though we had split up we had not divorced and we had only split 2-3 weeks before he took his life.

My sons hadn't greived either and I made a photo which you can buy online of my boys with myself and their dad in it. 

Fast forward husband wanted to try again so we did, didn't tell him about the photo also didn't tell him that when we lived apart I booked a appointment for a medium, totally forgot about it till they made contact to remind me. I recorded it and my separated dead husband came through, it made me greiveing worse. But was nice to know he agreed that I had moved on and was happy. 

Last year my husband went through my laptop and found a copy of the photo and the medium reading and it went downhill from there. I still haven't fully recovered upto the beginning of this year although was trying.

Last week husband hacked into my Facebook account and had seen that I had wrote on my dead husband's wall wishing him happy birthday and on our wedding anniversary.

This has now flared up again with arguments and nastiness. He is now calling me an emotional cheater has signed up for counseling and apparently his counselor his telling him its domestic violence. He's asked for a reason which ive told him why I have done this but is willing to accept it. I am quite happy to call it a day on the relationship as I think we have hit a dead end but when I have threats to him harming himself and taking his life, I can't get my head around as he knew what I went through.

We have had 10 days of arguments now and he wouldn't let me leave over weekend saying he has a right to stop me as he's my husband. 

Im honestly done with it yet he wants me to explain what im going to do to make it all ok again and work on the relationship.

Can someone explain how emotional cheating becomes involved when you are going through grief, its not as if that person is alive and its my way of coping.

[KayC]

We can't explain it because it's not, grief is a whole different ballgame, not like divorce.  I highly recommend marriage counseling with someone experienced with grief.  I am so sorry you are going through this.  He feels threatened by someone dead, I know someone in a marriage like this, he wouldn't even let her have a picture of her deceased husband up when she was raising the children they had!  I couldn't do that, only you can decide if you can.  Good luck to you, seriously. 💙