I lost my mom day after my birthday

[mrsdrose]

First of all, my condolences to the others out here that have lost a parent. 
 

My mama passed away in the early morning hours after my birthday on June 3rd. She was 80. I was her caregiver since the pandemic and the last 3 years my dad helped out. She was in a lot of pain, had COPD, and suffered from many UTIs and in the last 2 years, she was in and out of the hospital. She went into the hospital the day after Memorial Day for her breathing and her heart. The hospital doctors basically dehydrated her too much to which she couldn’t recover from. The day before she passed, she would barely eat or drink and I should’ve fought to get her checked more by the doctor but I didn’t expect the call from my dad at 4:30 in the morning on my birthday (June 2nd) that my mom was transferred to ICU. I spent my birthday in the ICU along with my dad, watching her slowly die. My younger brother lives in Chicago and I believe she waited for him to arrive to leave this earth. 
 

I feel like I’ve been going through anticipatory grief because I’m not as sad as how my dad is but I have been distracting myself so maybe I haven’t fully grieved. All I keep thinking about since is the morning leading into night and watching my moms eyes move back and forth, and there I was hoping she would wake up, but I just cannot stop thinking about her dying. This is so hard. I cry at night. I know she is at peace and no longer in pain. It just feels so unreal. I feel lonely. I don’t want to be around my dad as much because he keeps crying and in turn makes me sad but I have to be there for him. I worry about my dad.  There is so much to say but for now, all I can say is that I miss my mom so so much. 
 

Thank you for reading. 

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss.  There are quite a number of parent losses, I encourage you to continue to come here to read and post, there will be others along shortly...
Parent Loss: Continuing Their Song