Members BBB Posted January 1, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2021 Someone brought this up in a post but I can't find it so my apologies for the new thread. I have kids and for those of you who have kids, I'm sure you can relate. They TRY to help in whatever way they can but also acknowledge that losing their mother (or father, whatever the case may be) is not the same as losing a spouse. At least most kids do. However, they still tell me things like "You know we still love you". I am NOT downplaying the loss of a parent at all, it is very sad to be sure. However, the biggest difference is that they can go home to their spouse, their children, etc. Basically, they still have a life to return to while I do not. My wife was my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 1, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 1, 2021 1 hour ago, BBB said: Basically, they still have a life to return to while I do not. My wife was my life. Yes, that's it exactly. I'm 68 now, my daughter's going through a really rough time in her life and has to work all the time, I so hope and pray for her life to get better, she's too young for all the good to be behind her. My son is in the prime of his life, great job, family, new home, busy. But I'm alone, all the time, esp. this year, I'm thankful I have Kodie, my puppy, I might go mad without him! But can't help but feel, wasn't it enough to lose my George? Did I have to lose all of my animals too? My sweet Arlie? Then my hands? I live with constant pain, day and night, surgery didn't help, now I have pain and swelling from the surgery on top of it. But I have to be self sufficient, I have to keep going, get firewood in, take care of the place. Where is there something to look forward to? I had a life built for myself, but COVID annihilated that. This has been a pretty tough year and it's not over with calling it 2021. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jmmosley53 Posted January 1, 2021 Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2021 I have no children so I can not even imagine how much having a child must complicate your own grief. Kay my heart breaks for you because of all the problems you have to face. You must have been made of steel to do all that you have already done. I hope this New Year brings you peace and a helping hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 1, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 1, 2021 One of my favorite lines and by favorite I of course mean I hate it - "She would have wanted you to be that way" Or something similar to that affect. It's such a dumb statement. I'm not an idiot, I KNOW my wife, if alive, would not want to see my sad or depressed. What kind of a spouse would want that for their significant other? Has to be one of the dumbest things you can tell a grieving person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 2, 2021 Moderators Report Share Posted January 2, 2021 21 hours ago, BBB said: Has to be one of the dumbest things you can tell a grieving person. We addressed that in another thread...just because they wouldn't want us sad, doesn't mean they wouldn't be the first to understand how we feel! We can't just dismiss our feelings just because they aren't bright and cheerful! I want to loudly tell people, "DO NOT INVALIDATE MY GRIEF! IT'S NORMAL FOR WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH! I HAVE A LOT TO MISS! DON'T TELL ME HOW TO FEEL/BE/ACT/DO WHEN YOU HAVE NOT BEEN HERE IN MY SHOES!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BBB Posted January 2, 2021 Author Members Report Share Posted January 2, 2021 6 minutes ago, KayC said: We addressed that in another thread.. Sorry, sometimes I repeat myself. I also am way more forgetful than I used to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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