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How does one cope after the divorce with the scars of emotional abuse which occured during a long marriage

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How does one learn to heal after a very long marriage which was filled with  lies, selfishness, emotional and financial abuse? I am divorced for 4 years already, yet I think i am emotionally scarred. The longer you are in an abusive marriage/relationship the longer it takes to heal.


I am now engaged to what i thought was a wonderful gentle type of man. However it seems i am being taken advantage of again...why? Am i a doormat? Tooo nice too giving. If a man expects to use your car and doesnt pay his portion of petrol. Needs an operation and fails to buy his needed medical supplies and rather buys beer, then expects me to use my money to buy said supplies? Which leaves me in a moral dilemma of...how can i leave him to be in pain or bleeding.


Yes I am quite angry with myself for not saying the word NO, when I should be, when your gut is telling you??? Wait something feels off here.


So my present issues seems to now be drawing out my past trauma. And its got to the point where i am suffering from severe anxiety attacks, that i am now on medication for it.



I do so much for my boyfriend but get treated badly in return!

It's in your nature to be nice

Is it also in your nature to be a doormat?

If you keep acting like a doormat, why are you surprised that he/she wipes their feet on you?

See: Co-dependant no more

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I know how this feels. My husbands always made me feel like I'm good for nothing and makes me feel guilty for his sad life and I work harder to make it better for us but it just doesn't give me anything in return. I never felt loved, I felt used. Move on I'd say. You will certainly be happier.

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Im sorry to hear that #2 might now work out, but is does sound like you are stronger! You saw the red flags earlier and can move on before you get in too deep! There are personality types who chose passive aggressive spouses...not that you should change yourself, but its good to be insightful about why you are attracted to these types, and why they might be attracted to you! I wish you well! Take care of yourself and move on!


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