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evanwalker22

Loss of a Father

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lenamoat

My mom recommended this website to me. My name is Lena and i am 13 years old. On November 12, 2005... about two weeks ago.... my dad was killed in a car accident. It was really shocking. I still cant believe it and it hasnt really sunk in yet. I have a brother who is 15 and a sister who is 18. My dad was 44 and my mom is now 40. i am probably handling this better than some people in my family, but its really hard for me and i really try to be strong for my mom. i kind of get annoyed with other people or a lot of my friends because they keep saying "its okay lena.... i understand" when i get really pissed off because they really dont.. i know theyre trying to help in all but it kind of makes me feel unconfortable. The first day when i went to school was the most awkward thing ever. THe monment i walked in i felt like all eyes were on me. People and teachers were coming up to me and hugging me. Girls and boys who i didnt get along with or just didnt talk to were coming up to my locker telling me that they were sorry and i could talk to them if i needed anything.

I just want my life to be normal again... i mean i m strong during the day, but i still break down at night. I just get so pissed of and angry, becuase one persons mistake changed my life FOREVER... its not fair. For example my mom doesnt even want to get a Christmas tree this year (my grandma lives across the street and my mom thinks we should just share one with her). My dad wouldnt have wanted us all to be sitting around being sad all day. He wasnt that kind of a person. But anyways i just came to this website to try to talk with some people i can relate to or someone who has already been through this before so you can try to help me.... THanks alot!

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Guest Guest

Hi my name is Krista. I am from Georgia, United States. I am in 9th grade and I am 15 years old. My dad died over the summer. He lost his four year battle with cancer. The doctors told him he had 6 weeks left, he died 4 days later.

My mom told me about this site because she chats on Ch.2. Another site for adults.

So what is there do on the site?

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kaybeare

Ok I fixed it. I was the one who posted the last two. Sorry for spamming. Adding nothin messages. Sorry!

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griffinsmom

Sorry about your Dad. On this site you can talk to others in the "same boat", vent your feelings, maybe make a friend or 2.....I see no one is really responding much here, as the last post was Nov.26- I'd suggest you fill oout a profile so someone can email you in case no one reads this post for a while. Then, I would go read other forums and postings to see what others have to say. You never know what you may find. You can visit my sons ste...griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com, or www.xanga.com/Griffinsmom (getting better all the time)...maybe you will want to make a website for your Dad? Good luck, and peace.

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Guest Guest

Hi, My name is Brittany and im 16. Im not sure how this works at all.So any help would be appreciated. My best friend is in the prossess of losing her father. They havent been close since her mom and her dad divorced when she was younger. Just these past two years they finnaly became closer taking trips and such. Then they found out that he had cancer. And just now today she told me that he only has a little while to live. I want to help her soo bad and i was hoping some one out there on this web site could give me advise on how maybe some of thier friends helped. I really want to be there for her and i wish i could take the pain away and make her happy although i know thats impossible. I know nothing ive been through compares to what she is going through but if anyone has and ideas on how i can help her that would be great.Thank you.

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asheepoo21

hey everyone. im really sorry about all of your losses of your fathers. I too have lost my father. i am 16 years old and i lost my dad when i was 15. it will be 2 years in june that i have lost him. And it really hurts. as much as i hated hearing my dad say that he had to meet my boyfriends and had to approve of them, i miss that now that im starting to have relationships and hang out with guys alot. i was daddys little girl and i miss him dearly.

i hope everyone gets through their hard times. everything will work out in the end, i promise. and your dads are all watching over you. good luck everyone!

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Guest Guest

Hi my name is Samantha I'm 13, I lost my dad last October. He had been sick for a long time, but I don't know I guess now I'm actually starting to realize that he is gone. It has been on six months since he has been gone, but it feels like 1 billion years by now. I wish he was back so badly and my mom just doesn't understand how I feel. She is having me go to this support group but I'm not to happy about, but I guess it was are comprimise. I guess she just doesn't think that crying is a good thing. Well if anyone is here please reply back.~Thanks

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asheepoo21
Hi my name is Samantha I'm 13, I lost my dad last October. He had been sick for a long time, but I don't know I guess now I'm actually starting to realize that he is gone. It has been on six months since he has been gone, but it feels like 1 billion years by now. I wish he was back so badly and my mom just doesn't understand how I feel. She is having me go to this support group but I'm not to happy about, but I guess it was are comprimise. I guess she just doesn't think that crying is a good thing. Well if anyone is here please reply back.~Thanks

hey there. im soooo sorry for your loss. i am 16 years old and i have lost my father, as well as my mother too. i know it seems like so long that they have been gone. i lost my parents 2 years ago- 2 months apart. and i feel like it has been forever since i have seen them. i hate it so much.

i had to go to a support group too, and i hated it. i now live with my aunt and i just talked to her about 457454654 times and just explained that i hated it, and that it didnt help me. finally she let me drop out of it.

yessss crying is good. believe me, i cry ALLLL the time. actually i just got done crying. do it as much as you can, its not a bad thing.

if you still want to talk you can talk to me on here or email me on

bigbrat502@yahoo.com

later babe

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suzieq

hey, my name is Susie and my dad died 2 years ago. He died from cancer and I still can't really believe it happened because 1. A lot of people in my family have had cancer and they have beaten it (which is a good thing) and 2. it was so fast he went into the hospital not knowing what was wrong and stayed the equivalent of 1 month before he died. We only knew he had cancer for about a week and a half. I feel like I have no one to talk to because my friends just dont understand and they dont like talking about it. I did go to a grief camp and met a really nice person but for some reason it didnt seem to affect her like it did me. My dad was my best friend and I miss him so much. Its so hard because as soon as I feel like I may be getting a little better I go backwards and feel like crying and like my life cant go on without my dad. Like I said before I would really like someone to talk to about this, new friends are always a blessing. Thanks for listening.

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nicolebrooke

Hi Susie,

I am so sorry about your Dad. I totally understand your feelings going back and forth. With me - my brother died 6 yrs ago, I volunteer here - I would think I was handling everything and then I would go down for weeks. I think it is totally normal. Everything is normal, because we all handle grief in our own way.

And for me too, I don't talk about my sadness with many people for the same reason. They just don't seem to understand. Even my boyfriend, he lost his Mom 2 yrs ago and we deal with it in almost opposite ways. It seems like he just wants to let it be and I want to tell him every memory I have of my brother and every thought that comes to me. And thats why I came to this site.

You and your Dad were close? How wonderful for both of you. My parents divorced when I was young and my father and I are not that close.

What is it like to have your Dad be your best friend?

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Guest Guest
Hello, you don't me but my name is Alex. I am 16 years old and lost my father to a heart attack. Please, if you know what it feeels like to lose someone so close and have nobody to turn to, please email me. Thanx

Hey, Alex. My name is Jessica, I'm around your age. I recently lost my father to cancer. I've found that there are different things people will struggle with depending on how their loved one died. In my case, I had a chance to say goodbye, which is not always true of others.

I hope you find someone to turn to. I wanted you to know that you have to do whatever works for you. I've found that not many of my friends understand, and in a way, I'm glad they don't. No one should have to go through this. But I have been blessed to have friends that have lost their father as well, and they are there for me if I want to cry or yell. I also hope that things are okay with the rest of your family, that you and your mom or siblings are getting along through all of this. It really gives you a chance to pull together.

But aside all of the support-type feelings you get, I'm sure you know the anger side as well. I had to find out that anger was okay... I mean, its natural. Personally, I'm trying to let go of some of the anger, just to make my life easier. Well I hope you find some people around you and some people here that will comfort you or at least let you know that you're not the only one.

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sargentpepper

My name is Jeremy and I am 15 years old. My dad died on June 26, 2006. He got cancer when I was a baby and he almost died then but be was in remission for 14 years so we always thought he beat it. On my 15th birthday in May me, my dad and my mom went out to dinner and my dad didn't feel good. He was at the doctor that day. After dinner we got a call from the dr. and he said to take my dad to the hospital. 3 days latter they said he had Leukemia and he died 1 month and 2 days latter. He never got to leave the hospital. We had so many plans this summer. I saw him take his last breath. I can't believe he is gone.

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nicolebrooke

Hey Jeremy,

I'm so sorry about your Dad. I know it seems unreal that he is gone. It sounds like he was very strong and brave to keep the cancer down for so long. I am so glad that you were there with him - that he had his family with him and loving him. My brother died all alone and it really hurts to think about that.

What was your father like? What kind of plans did you have for the summer?

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Guest Guest

I'm new to this site... and I promised someone very dear to me I'd do something to talk to people about this. So this is what I'm doing. I just lost my father 3 weeks ago yesterday. This is so hard for me to deal with. I still wake up from nightmares of it all. I still feel like the entire thing I'm going through is a nightmare. I'm only 17 years old, and I had to come home from school to find him dead. Of course I had to be home alone at the time, and was suppossed to be on my way to work, but I stopped by the house first. The entire situation I'm still finding it hard to accept. I'm still feeling like he's going to walk in the door any second and tell me the whole thing is a joke. We always played jokes on eachother. But I know in my head it's not a joke. He's really gone. We've had the services. We've done a lot. He's still gone, and I still can't accept it. I'm still hiding from everyone around me. I'm still pretending I'm okay, and that nothing is wrong. I have no idea what to do. I feel like I've lost myself. I feel like I'm not me anymore, and that I have to pretend to be okay to help my mother and siblings through. I feel like I have to be the strong one, because they can't be. I don't know, I know I need help, and need to talk. So I'm leaving you all with this, and if you could please help me, and just give me some advice, or anything, I'd be so grateful. I'm so lost right now, and it feels like nothing can ever go right, and it's just one bad thing after another.

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Guest Guest

I lost my dad March 31 of this year and I am finally ready to talk about it. We lost him suddenly to a heart attack on his way to work. He was my world all i wanted was his approval. He came to every one of my music and theatrical productions but he missed the most important ones my goodbye senior concert and graduation. I am finally getting ready to start singing again. His birthday is soon. and so is thanksgiving and christmas. Its been getting really hard to deal with everything. I cant be at home because it reminds me of him and i cant move out because home reminds me of him. I wear his tee shirts and coats. I dream hes still here. And i hurt because no one here knows what its like to hate your best friend because she has a dad. To be envious of every girl you know or see because there is a dad who will walk her down the aisle. And i am trapped with nothing.

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varmav

I lost my father August of this year, a week before my 18th birthday and two weeks before I was supposed to start my freshman year of high school. Tomorrow will be the 2 month anniversary of his death and around this time I get really emotionally. Its been hard for me to talk about it because everyone here wants to make friends, and no one wants to be friends with the girl who is sad and cries.

He died of ALS, five months after he was diagnosed. I spent the summer taking care of him. There are things you can never explain to people, and one of them is what its like to watch someone die. Especially a parent, parents are supposed to take care of you and be strong. So what do you do now? I'm only 18 years old and I still need my dad.

The worst is going to the supermarket and seeing all the young fathers with their kids, or parents weekend at school. I can't help but be so angry and jealous of everyone with their families.

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Guest Guest

I lost my father Jan. 21 of this year. His birthday was June 21 and mine was Sep. 21. I just turned 14 and am now living the unbareable. That saturday I woke up and was lying on the couch while my dad went to go feed our dog in the bathroom. I heard him swearing so I called him to see if everything was okay, but he didn't answer. When I went back there he was lying on the floor with a cut on his head and was breathing very heavily. I got my mom (still sleeping) and the ambulance came right away. My mom went to the hospital with him but i stayed home. i thought he was going to be fine but about 3 hours later she came home and told me that my dad was dead. I am the only child of a family that had a mom that worked random days, and a dad that was a writer that worked at starbucks on a laptop. I saw my dad more that 4/5 kids do. But now my dad is gone. I don't really have that many people to talk to since all of my guy friends are kind of akward about it and don't want to talk about it.

Everyday I go to school and have to put on a happy face for everyone so they don't call me an emo. Really it kills me everyday to have to lie to be normal. I was going to a grief group but the people there just messed around and didn't help at all.

The week of my dads death was also fathers day and the week I had finals at school. Even though i look back and got through it, I know it was because my dad was there with me just looking down at me and smiling. im only 14. i didn't never thought about the day either of my parents would die but the day came way too soon. my life has taken a turn for the worse and i don't think i can really turn back. i will never be ok with what happened or move on, but my mom and I will be with eachother all the way for as long as we have. I loved my dad more than life itself and I would give my world to spend another second with him.

Jake Amundsen, 14

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Guest Guest

I lost my father Jan. 21 of this year. His birthday was June 21 and mine was Sep. 21. I just turned 14 and am now living the unbareable. That saturday I woke up and was lying on the couch while my dad went to go feed our dog in the bathroom. I heard him swearing so I called him to see if everything was okay, but he didn't answer. When I went back there he was lying on the floor with a cut on his head and was breathing very heavily. I got my mom (still sleeping) and the ambulance came right away. My mom went to the hospital with him but i stayed home. i thought he was going to be fine but about 3 hours later she came home and told me that my dad was dead. I am the only child of a family that had a mom that worked random days, and a dad that was a writer that worked at starbucks on a laptop. I saw my dad more that 4/5 kids do. But now my dad is gone. I don't really have that many people to talk to since all of my guy friends are kind of akward about it and don't want to talk about it.

Everyday I go to school and have to put on a happy face for everyone so they don't call me an emo. Really it kills me everyday to have to lie to be normal. I was going to a grief group but the people there just messed around and didn't help at all.

The week of my dads death was also fathers day and the week I had finals at school. Even though i look back and got through it, I know it was because my dad was there with me just looking down at me and smiling. im only 14. i didn't never thought about the day either of my parents would die but the day came way too soon. my life has taken a turn for the worse and i don't think i can really turn back. i will never be ok with what happened or move on, but my mom and I will be with eachother all the way for as long as we have. I loved my dad more than life itself and I would give my world to spend another second with him.

Jake Amundsen, 14

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messenger

DEAR JAKE............I AM SO SORRY ..IT IS HARD TO LOSE YOUR DAD..I LOST MINE AT AGE 10......IN A CAR WRECK..........I MISS HIM TERRIBLY STILL BUT I KNOW HE WATCHES OVER ME AS YOU SAID IN YOUR POST............YOU KNOW.............YOUR DAD IS WATCHING OVER YOU AS ALL YOUR DADS ARE IN THIS GROUP!!! YOU HAVE TO HANG ON TO THAT AND ALL YOUR MEMORIES...TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME..THERE WILL BE DAYS YOU DO FINE AND OTHERS WILL BE MUCH HARDER........THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE ON HERE THAT ARE GREAT LISTENERS..................CHECK OUT OTHER SITES AND REPLY....WE WILL BE HERE FOR YOU AND YOUR MOM ...AS WELL AS ALL OTHERS ON HERE..WRITE AND LET YOUR FEELINGS GO............CHRUCH IS A GREAT PLACE TO FIND PEACE....WHEN OUR SON DIED IF IT WERENT FOR CHURCH..........WE WOULD NOT DO AS WELL AS WE DO..WE TOO HAVE BAD DAYS..WE ALL DO..BUT YOU NEED TIME TO GRIEVE YOUR DADS LOSS...........DO SOMETHING IN MEMORY OF HIM..MAKE A PROJECT ...OF SOMETHING HE LIKED DOING?????..THAT WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU GOING...I AM HOPING SOME OF KIDS ON HERE WILL WRITE YOU AND YOU CAN ALL TALK TO EACH OTHER..YOU CAN BE A BLESSING TO EACH OTHER..YOU NEED TO GET YOUR FEELINGS OUT

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

MESSENGER

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roxygirl

Jake- Pretending to be happy and be so exausting... emotionally and physically... I do it everyday myself. I wake up every morning go to school, and pretend everything is fine. I pretend I'm strong and I'm dealing with the loss of my father. Then when I get home.. after work and school... I go up to my room, and cry. I feel like I can't let people see me hurting. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't want their consoling words that they are so sorry, and they know how I must be feeling. How can they know? They all still have their dads! I don't. Im 17, and it's my senior year. I've missed so much school just because I can't stand being around people who think they know what I must be going through. They have no idea how much I'm hurting. They have no idea what it's like to come home and find your father dead. I said goodnight to him the night before. I left for school, and now I can never do that again. I can never see him again. Talking helps though. You have to talk to the right people though. Talk to someone who relates, and actually cares. Some friends are good to talk to, but if they will make fun of you because your hurting, then what kind of friend is that. Yeah they feel awkward... my friends feel the same way. They don't know what to say around me, none of them will even talk about their dads in front of me. If they ever do... they get really quiet then apologize. Well I have to go... but feel free to talk to me whenever you need to.

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knightofvaliance

thanks a lot guys. its really great to know that i have some people to talk to that when they say "i know how you feel" they mean it. btw i forgot to say. does anyone else hate when people say i know how you feel and then say something like my dog or fish died? i think that is the worst thing ever. when they say it i just walk away... i do have one friend tho who lost his mom so i don't really mind when he says it...

Jake

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lauraa

Dear Jake,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear dad. My kids lost their dad two years ago. Their ages were 18, 14 and 11 at the time. They are all grieving very differently. My daughter has yet to even speak of her loss and I know it is just to painful for her to do. My boys don't talk much either about their feeling but usually yell alot or swear to get their frustrations out....Seems people are reluctent to talk to us about our loss and for that I am sorry you have to fake it.....I think people just haven't experienced this kind of loss and are scared it could happen to them, or thankful it didn't happen to them or just do not know what to say to comfort you. I do think it is on your friends minds but they just don't know how to express themselves....I think you should think of ways that you could possibly get the support you need. For me...I talk about my husband all the time and that is what I need to do so I can deal and grieve my own way. Maybe for you if you talk with your guidance counselor, they would be able to help you find ways for you to get some great support. I go for counseling which is a great help but 2 of my kids refuse to go...but, my oldest is finding great support....we are all different and we all grieve differently.......You just hold you dad as close to your heart as you can because I know he is right there with you. When you start to feel alittle bit better you will begin to feel his presence with you. I know my husband would not want me to be sad and just knowing that helps me alot...I'll bet you dad wouldn't want you to be sad either....We do still have to go thru this process of grieving. There was so much love between you two and that makes for alot of loss...I will think of you and pray for you to feel better...If I can do anything please let me know.......

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airymoon

I wish I could give each and everyone of you your dads back. But I can't. My kids lost their father 4 1/2 months ago and I see how bad they hurt. They are 18, 14, and 8. Just know that they are always with you even when you can't feel them. And all the little things that may have happened between the two of you that may be making you feel guilty now, do NOT matter. Your Dads know you loved them and they know that the little things are part of growing up. All is forgiven and all that is left is love. Try to stay strong and talk to your friends even if you think they don't understand they still care about you.

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Guest Guest

I feel for all who lost their fathers. My kids recently lost theirs, suddenly. Their 15 and 7. My heart breaks for them as well as you all.

Airymoon,

Your kids were my kids age at their dad's passing. Any help you can give me about how to help them deal with it? Its so hard and they were very close to their dad. Then boom, he was gone. Its just horrible.

Please be in touch

Thanks

Sue

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