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I've Lost Someone...

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ribitsmom

Lexie,

You have a very mature attitude and understanding...does this come with losing a brother, I wonder? Or is it in your nature? I ask because my son lost a sister and I have noticed the maturity that has come since the accident, but he has also aged 2 years (close to 19). I would love to have my son come to this site and I can't believe I haven't told him about it, you have a smart mom, I wonder if he will make use of it. As Mark said, the loss is like tearing out your heart. You give birth/life to a child, teach them to walk, talk and everything else, expect them to find a love of their life and marry and have children of their own. so many things will never happen. There is a new song out by Kenny Chesney (country) that is exactly how I feel. I wish I knew the name of it and I will find out...but it is a touching song, especially for those of us that have lost a loved one.

Denise-lots of hugs

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tdubslilsis14

I guess since I have a little brother and I am now the oldest. Thats probably why. He looks up to me. He was 9 at the time of the accident.

Lexie

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alwaysmyjennifer

Hi Lexie, with all you do being so grown up, make sure you hit the brakes once in a while and act like a kid too. It's a long journey to grown up, and it's a long journey through grieving. Take your time, and try to have fun too. Halloween is coming, so enjoy it with good fun. Do something goofy for your brother's memory. He'd like that.

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tdubslilsis14

Hey,

Srry I didn't say much earlier, I was at school. I just found out yesterday that one of our good family friends who I have known since I was born is really sick. She stopped breathing because her lungs calapsed and was rushed to the hospital. They revived her but shes in the intensive care unit and they say she might not make it. She has two kids Julie-11 and Jonathon-16. Jonathan was one of my brothers best friends growing up, we were next door neighbors. She has something called pancreatitis and she has the worst case of it, which can kill you. My mom had a pancreatitis attack last week and could have died. Now I'm scared that the same thing will happen to her. I am a competitive gymnast/cheerleader and we have our first competition this sunday. So its kinda stressful

thnx again

Lexie

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ribitsmom

Kevins Mom, thanks for the name of the song...I assume it has hit you in the heart also?

Lexie, I am so sorry to hear about your neighbor and your mom. That is too much stress.

It sounds as though you are busy...not just about being able to check forums while at school; lol. With your gymnastics and cheerleading, good for you. What do you cheer for, which sport?

Denise

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tdubslilsis14

Denise,

I don't cheer 4 any sport...I used to cheer for football and basketball. But this type of cheerleading is a sport itself. We compete against other All-star teams around the United States. Our team sometimes competes on ESPN Cheerleading Chapionships. It takes a lot of work and its really stressful because we practice 12-15 hours a week. But its really fun when its finally time to show other teams what you've got.

Love Always,

Lexie

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alwaysmyjennifer

Way to go, Lexie! Try to concentrate on the task at hand, and please don't be too worried. The doctors know so many things to help your friend and your Mom. I can't argue the point that it's too much stress for such a young lady. Take each moment, and do the best you can with each. We'll be thinking of you with a little prayer. Mark

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ribitsmom

Lexie; I am not even your mom and I am so proud of you...I hope you save some time for free time, you sound as though you are a very busy young lady.

Hugs~Denise~Bridgette's mom.

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tdubslilsis14

Hey,

We competed this weekend and placed first in our division. We had to be there 16 hours. It was my first competition so I was kinda nervous. My moms friend is improving a little. But not by much. She is still on lifesupport and is still in a coma. I'm not old enough to go in ICU but my mom told me she looks how my brother did right before he died. Her whole body is swollen and she doesn't look like herself at all. My mom said Julie, who is her 11 year old daughter tried to come in to see her mom but freaked out and started crying. Her dad won't let her see her mom because of what happened. Shes to scared. I would be too. People keep telling me these things happen for a reason, but I mean...what reason is it? To put family and friends in pain for the rest of their life? It doesn't make sense. I hate it when people tell me "I know what your going through" when they really don't because they have never had this happen to them. I've been through about 5-6 losses since my brothers death. Each time I get more and more confused.

Lexie

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ribitsmom

Lexie: I am so sorry about your friend...are you able to give the 11 year old support? You do know what she is going through, a little different as you lost a brother and it is her mom that is so ill, but you do understand and this 11 year old is probably scared spitless. Maybe offer the website to the the little girl.

Congrats on placing first...you go girl.

Denise

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tdubslilsis14

Hey,

I know exactly what she's going through. My mom has been in the hospital many times with the same sickness. I have a little 10 year old brother who I help out a lot. Julie also has an older brother who is 16. My mom went to visit at the hospital the other day. She went to comfort Jonathan (Julies brother)while he stood by his mom. Jonathan cried in her arms and said, " I lost my best friend last November, now I'm losing my mom too." His best friend happend to be my older brother, Travis. I know how bad it hurts for them, my mom has gotten to bad before she died but they revived her. My mom was in the hospital two weeks ago. I was so scared. She loses so much weight when she's in the hospital. They have to put a feeding tube in her to keep her alive. My mom says it hurts to eat. She says everyday it feels like someone taking a thousand knives and twisting them in her stomach. Some nights it gets so bad she crys and I don't know what to do. Most of the time when that happens she ends up in the hospital. Its so scary because it brings back so many memories. Thnx for responding back.

Lexie

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ribitsmom

Oh Lexie, I want to give you a huge hug and let you cry all you want. You have been through way too much. I am so sorry that all this is happening and if I could stop it I would. I am so glad that you have found this web site and I hope it helps in some small way. Keep posting a keep us informed on how things are going.

Denise

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tdubslilsis14

Hey,

How has everone been? We have our first choir concert tonight. I'm really excited...Our family friend is still not doing any better. She's still the same. I like to talk here because I feel like theres no where else to talk about this where other people would actually understand. Thanx for your support. Just know that I am always here for whoever needs me. Even if I may be a lot younger.

Lexie

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ribitsmom

Lexie, I hope your concert went well.

I am glad that you are comfortable talking at this site, I know that it helps because it has helped me also.

Denise

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tdubslilsis14

Hey,

Todays been hard. They're talking about it all over the news. The news people have been pretty much stalking us getting our cell numbers and trying to get quotes out of us to put in the paper. In the paper its talking about the driver of the car that killed my brother. He is 18 years old and was 17 at the time of the accident. He is in college this year. He is being tried for 2 counts of reckless driving and being intoxicated while driving and killing two of his classmates. Who were a year younger. How do i deal with this?

Lexie

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ribitsmom

Lexie,

Dealing with the news media depends on a couple things...do you want it publicized? Do you want to be able to use this to your brothers benifit? We had the news media hounding us after the accident that we lost our daughter in, in fact for more than a year we had that, off and on. Each time they wanted to interview us we first talked to our lawyer and then the news crew needed to contact our lawyer and they were told what they could and could not ask, we were told what we could and couldn't talk about...things like that. What it did do was allow us to keep our loss in the public eye and also allowed us to set some rumors straight.

All that said, you may not want to be bothered, then all you need to say is that you don't want to discuss it...or you can just say something like: "All i have to say is; the world lost a wonderful man due to this accident" or something on that order.

Good luck.

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tdubslilsis14

Hey,

First Kristin-16, then my brother-16, then Justin-17, and now my classmate James- 14 just this Friday...All died in car accidents. Its tough and its hard to deal with. I just turned 14. Thanx 4 your support...

Love,

Lexie

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3angelslostntheflame

I'm new on this site, but it's helps me understand that I'm not alone. I'm 16 years old and a junior in high school. This is still kind of hard to talk about because it didn't happen not long ago. On October 5, 2005, I was awaken by my mom at 5 o'clock in the morning to the words "Your uncle's house is on fire." In a panic we started to get ready to go to Nevada, a town about 10 minutes away from us. Before we left my uncle called my mom and told us that my 6 year old cousin, Caitlyn didn't survive the fire. This put us in an even worse frenzy then we had been before. We left our house and headed to my uncles mother-in-laws. We got there and my uncle's best friend was outside, and we were waiting for my grandpa to get there. My mom kept saying that she needed to be with her little brother. Bob, his best friend told us to go and he would wait for my grandpa. Right before we got into the car, my uncle called my mom again tell her that my other cousin didn't have much of a pulse, and he wasn't sure if he was going to make it. We rushed to the hospital, wondering if my little buddy was going to make it. We got there and my uncle's sister-in-law told my mom that our babies are no longer with us; my 2 year old cousin Carter didn't survive the fire either. We all stood there in sadness and shock, not sure what to do next. We still didn't know what happened to my aunt Samantha, so we went back to my uncle's mother-in-laws. We got there and Bob asked my mom if my aunt's sister knew about Samantha. Since we didn't know, my mom asked "You mean Samantha didn't make it either?" All he could do was shake his head.

I still don't understand why this happened to us, but really why does death happen to any of us? I still have a lot of sadness and anger, that I am trying my best to deal with. Sometimes it make me go over the edge, but I just think about all them, and how sad they would be if I did something to myself. I clawed at myself a couple days ago, but I know realize that it was extremely stupid of me to do, but stress got the best of me. This tragedy caused me to miss a week of school, but I am slowing catching up, and my teachers are really understanding.

I was extremely close to them, and it's like someone cut a hole right through my heart. Carter was the one I was closest to, even though he only had two years of his life spent, that kid had quite a personality. A lot of things make me think about them, balls(Carter), dance(Caitlyn), dragonflies(Samantha), and mostly Finding Nemo...I always watched that movie with those two little angels. I will always love them and miss them tremedously.

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ribitsmom

3 A's-I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose a young person, but you lost 3 family members...the confusion, anger and sadness must be overwelming at this point. The best thing you can do is talk, talk and talk some more. Keep the memories alive, play the "remember when" game so you can always remember the good times. If you feel like you need to talk to someone professionaly then don't hesitate to let your mom know; My nephew was very devistated when we lost our daughter (his cousin)and still 2 years later is having a very difficult time with it as they were very close...kind of like your age diff. with your 2 year old cousin, my daughter used to babysit my nephew and was kind of a mentor, if you will. There is nothing wrong with seeking help from an outside source...you have come to this web site so that is a huge step in the right direction.

I understand your "clawing" at yourself, as I wanted to pound my head into a wall when we lost our daughter...anything to feel, the problem is that you still don't "feel", so that is the wrong approach and I am glad that you realized it...but please, talk to someone, if you ever feel like hurting yourself, tell someone.

I send a huge hug your direction and please continue coming to this site, it does help.

Denise~Bridgettes mom.

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alwaysmyjennifer

3angels, in times like this, it seems like a few words aren't enough. I'm a dad who's daughter was killed, and I know that pain you all are feeling. I'm so deeply sorry for the loss and sorrow. Be very patient with yourself, and know that here, you are with people who care, and will listen no matter what, and do all we can to help you through this painful time. You are going to have many difficult days, and you will need to be open and honest with those who are able to watch over you. When you feel like hurting yourself, tell them first, before you do. Let the painful feelings come out in your voice, not your hands. This will help you heal. We'll always be here, so feel free to write anytime. We're praying for you. Just take this moment by moment, and try to find that one adult you can open up with about everything. This will help.

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tdubslilsis14

3angels,

I may have not gone through exactly what you've been through, but I kinda understand how you feel. I am 14 years old and a freshman in HS this year. Last November I lost two people who were close to me. November 13th, all four teens were in a single car crash and hit a parked steamroller. They had gotten lost on their way to Chicago and got off at an EXIT, they crashed when they got back on. The driver of the car, who was a 17 year old Senior at the time had been drinking. The other 3 were Laura-17 (Junior), Kristin-16 (Junior), and Travis-16 (Junior). As the car crushed Travis and Kristin were ejected out the back side windows of the car. When the paremetics arived, it was too late, Kristin was dead. They searched for Travis, they found him 60 ft. away from the car in a coma, with a broken right arm, a ruptured spleen, major trauma to the head, and his left kidney had failed. He died five days later on November 18, 2004 when they took him off life support.

Travis was my older brother. I looked up to him, he always made good grades, he played football, basketball, and baseball. He made everyone smile with his big goofy ears, his crystal blue eyes, and amazing personality. He loved to be funny...he never cared what people thought of him, he was always himeself. Sticking quarters up his nose (and he didn't have a big nose either, I'm still wondering how he did it), mud restling with a group of girls after a day of canoing at the Lake, unlike most guys...listening to one of his best friends boy problems and making her feel better...he loved listening to music and especially wearing his Oviators.

I miss Kittens (Kristin) beautiful smile that made everyone who looked at her drop their jaw and stare. Her long blonde hair and her baby blue eyes...I miss seeing them almost everyday. I miss her laugh and how she would always listen to country music, especially the song...."live like you were dying" by Tim McGraw. That was her all time favorite.

I was only 13 years old and in the 8th grade when I lost Kittin and Trav. They left behind their family...Kitten- Mom, Dad, and older brother Jeremy... Trav- Mom, Dad, little brother Nick-10, and me-14

On June 16th, 2005. I lost someone else. His name was Justin and he was 17 years old and a Senior this year. He was killed alone in a single car crash when he swerved off the road and hit a tree. He died instantly...No time for us to say goodbye. He dated a few of my friends who are upperclassman so I saw him a lot. I miss him so much. I was hoping this was the last time I would have to go through this, but it wasn't.

On October 21st, 2005, Jaymes was killed in a car accident. He was taken away too young. He was 15 years old and one of my classmates. The driver of the car had been drinking and they crashed. I miss him a lot. I don't think its fair all of them had to die so young. Jaymes left behind his Mom and 4 year old baby sister, and many close friends.

I just don't understand why this all happened in the first place. I'm so confused on life and its hard to live knowing you will never see them again...or even be able to talk to them in person. I just wish I had one more chance to give my brother a huge and tell him how much I loved him. Its not fair...I hate being so young and have to face all of this and do it on my own. I'm srry for your loss and I hope things get better for you...I'm prayin for you....

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3angelslostntheflame

I want to thank you guys for what you have said to me and the support. I feel kind of guilty telling this, when I know that people have gone through worse, I don't know its weird. I'm so sorry for everyone's loss, and I hope that people are just taking it one day at a time and aren't trying to get too ahead of their selves. To the lil sis' who lost your brother, I don't think I could function without my older brother. How do you do it? I have a lot of respect for you and everyone for sharing their story, and reading mine. Today was the one month anniversary of the fire, and it's been hard, but I try not to thing about it, but its really hard. I do a lot of writing and drawing to try about put pain on paper, but I'm not so sure that is working. No matter how much I write or draw, the hole in my heart seems to get bigger and bigger, and there is nothing I can do about it. My family and I just try and remember the funny and happy things. The holidays are going to be really hard for my uncle especially. I have had Christmas with my aunt and uncle ever since I was born, and now its just going to feel empty. When you live in a small town like mine, rumors spread like none other...just the other day rumors were spreading that my uncle tried to commit suicide and was in the hospital. Thank god I didn't hear when I was in school, because that would have made me an emotional mess. Well that's all for now. Thanks again for reading and supporting, its means a lot.

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ribitsmom

3A's-I am so glad that you are writing and drawing, even if it doesn't feel like it is helping...keep it up and then go back later down the road and read over what you wrote, look at your drawings and see how they change.

I am sorry about the rumors about your uncle, I know how angry it makes you, as I had the same type of rumors about me after we lost our daughter, the problem with the rumors about me was that a nurse at the doctors office started them.

Keep posting, you may find that it helps.

Denise

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alwaysmyjennifer

Hi 3angels, yes, grief is painful. By having your artistic ability, you have a release for emotions. There is a little thing about the arts, and I know this as a professional musician. Art is pure emotion, so the expression of it is going to make us feel more emotional, even if the emotions are grieving and pain. What ever you do, make sure to connect with your family and get the truth before you buy into rumors. We all have faced them, and they're not pretty. We'll be thinking of you, with a little prayer, as we get to the holidays. Take each day, each moment, as you get to them. And, as I say this to many people, I'll say it to you, please do a little something for yourself, to make you feel good about you.

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