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Another weekend has passed.....................


William M

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William M

Yet another weekend alone has come to a slow end. I spent the last 2 days, as I have every weekend since losing my wife, cleaning , organizing, and slowly sorting through her things, All this with intermittent crying throughout. It all does need to be done, as the house was a unorganized disaster when see passed. So lots to do and 2 very messy puppies that shed A LOT that need looking after.  I guess I'll run out of things needing tending eventually. Then what?  I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now on weekends other spend hours cleaning, and organizing.

In other news, I pulled out my favorite framed photo of my wife and placed it on the fireplace mantle along with a couple of her cherish display pieces from her childhood. It may be to soon, but I don't spend much time in that room and it will only be seen in passing. The last tid bit is that to top things off, I now have the flu or Covid again.  I think this may be the sign I was looking for that there is a God, because it appears he hates me.......

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Dawn Wms

Hello William,

I am very sorry for your loss.  I think it is at least a good thing that you can get things done, because I find I can't accomplish anything.  I relate very much to what you say about weekends.  They are very lonely.  Even if I see people, it's not the same as having my husband with me.  Well, nothing is.  I just want to remind you that God does not hate you.  I don't even know how I feel about God, but if this tragedy only happened to people he hated, then there would be a lot of hated souls out there.  I'll bet you don't think he hates others.  But I understand the feeling.   I often ask, what did I do so wrong to deserve this?  But then I realize that it has happened to others as well and I don't think they did anything to deserve it, so I have to realize that about myself too.  I don't know why it happened to us, but it can't be that we were chosen in any way for any reason.  It just did.  I wish I had something to say that could make it less painful, but I can't.  It has been 20 months for me and I still can't grasp it and I a still miserable.  I function, but it is hard.  There is no way around it.  It's just hard.  I wish you strength.

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her_chrissy
8 hours ago, William M said:

Yet another weekend alone has come to a slow end. I spent the last 2 days, as I have every weekend since losing my wife, cleaning , organizing, and slowly sorting through her things, All this with intermittent crying throughout.

It's admirable that you are taking these steps William, as I personally have no idea how to sort through my wife's endless personal items. My own trick is to do these types of things in short bursts without letting myself think or second guess. And then take a break. I also came down with COVID this weekend, and it's effectively sealed me into my loneliness and unhealthy obsessions with trying to reach out to my wife through the time portals of old photos and messages. Try not to think too far ahead here, as the answers for what will occupy your time and distract you will likely come to you when the home isolation becomes too much. Rest and care for yourself, my friend. 

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William M

Thanks.  As far as sorting things  - She wasn't materialistic, but was more into animals so there isn't a lot.  As a go through her stuff, If an item meant anything to her or to me, I keep it and it goes into a bin.  For cloths the same.  If it meant nothing or wasn't really recognized by me it went to goodwill. Thing's like favorite Tee shirts, and familiar things worn around the house on weekends, and special occasion dresses  ( our, and my sons wedding), I kept and bin stored. Basically, things that gave me a "connection" with her stayed. I tried to be careful as to have no regrets.  Better safe than sorry is the policy. Personal care items, and makeup all got thrown away, except for her make up brush, and her favorite perfume. This still leaves me with with a lot, but it is now mostly stored.. I had to do this to get it out of my constant sight. I may go over it all again much later on as I really don't know what I would do with it all.  I just couldn't let it all go........

 

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16 hours ago, William M said:

The last tid bit is that to top things off, I now have the flu or Covid again.  I think this may be the sign I was looking for that there is a God, because it appears he hates me.......

I am so sorry you are sick?  Omicron Symptoms: What to Watch for and How They May Differ Based on Vaccine Status – NBC Chicago A friend of mine presented with classic symptoms that were definitely Omicron, lasted five days but not horrid the whole time, much milder and less scary than Delta.  I hope you get to feeling better SOON!  We only have to quarantine five days so he was back to work day 6.

About God hating you, Dawn answered you well, my initial thought was at least you have a sense of humor still, but perhaps you truly feel that, I hope not.  I read "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" (Harold Kushner, Rabbi) 25 years ago, it helped me understand better and what I learned has helped me over the years, I've had my share of stuff come my way for sure. ;)

Your sharing about her clothes reminded me...

When George was alive he had this holey t-shirt that was stretched out and shrunk, looked awful...it was his favorite.  I was always after him to toss it, normally he was a dapper dresser and had great taste, but he loved that t-shirt.  When he died, I couldn't get rid of it.  Funny how that works.

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On 1/9/2022 at 5:00 PM, William M said:

I think this may be the sign I was looking

On 1/10/2022 at 9:37 AM, KayC said:

I am so sorry you are sick?  Omicron Symptoms: What to Watch for and How They May Differ Based on Vaccine Status – NBC Chicago A friend of mine presented with classic symptoms that were definitely Omicron, lasted five days but not horrid the whole time, much milder and less scary than Delta.  I hope you get to feeling better SOON!  We only have to quarantine five days so he was back to work day 6.

About God hating you, Dawn answered you well, my initial thought was at least you have a sense of humor still, but perhaps you truly feel that, I hope not.  I read "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" (Harold Kushner, Rabbi) 25 years ago, it helped me understand better and what I learned has helped me over the years, I've had my share of stuff come my way for sure. ;)

Your sharing about her clothes reminded me...

When George was alive he had this holey t-shirt that was stretched out and shrunk, looked awful...it was his favorite.  I was always after him to toss it, normally he was a dapper dresser and had great taste, but he loved that t-shirt.  When he died, I couldn't get rid of it.  Funny how that works.

 

On 1/9/2022 at 5:00 PM, William M said:

I think this may be the sign I was looking for that there is a God

Sooo sorry for your loss! There is a God. I call him the Great I Am . I call on Jesus. He is my only hope!!! I know that this place earth is not my home. My home is in Heaven. I will see my husband that passed in05 and I will see my fiancé that just passed on Dec 15th. When it’s my time to go home. I’m not trying to preach at all. I just want you to know that if it wasn’t for that hope I’d be much worse off then I am. After my husband based years ago I got to see a piece of Heaven in a dream . I got to hold Mikie’s hand we walked and talked in the woods here I asked him did it hurt when he passed. He said,”no” then I asked him how could he just leave me here on this earth alone to raise 2 children by myself . I had been to church but really didn’t read my Bible. In that dream I knew I was someplace I wasn’t supposed to be and he introduced me to a man and I had asked his name twice because I wanted to remember it. The man said his name was Gabriel and then my husband was gone. Then Gabriel said and your not supposed to be here now. Then I sat straight up in my bed. I started reading the Bible a few years later. After doing so I found that there is an arch angel named Gabriel.  I will never forget that dream as long as I live! I have prayed this time that I could have another dream and be able to talk to Mallory but it hasn’t happened. Long story short. After loosing two men that I loved and was with each for years.......... I know that when my time comes I will know them again . We will all be home. I may have said all of that to say this.... Tgere is a God and he’s not finished with you yet. There are still things here on earth that he wants you to do . Just like I know there are things here that I must do and when he says it’s my time then I will be in my home for eternity. Yes this sucks being the one going through the loss in the same breath I don’t know what I would do without my faith and hope I cry I have my weak moments sometimes I just don’t know what to do with myself . I know that in just a few days it will be a month since Mallory passed and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around that. I pray for peace beyond all understanding and his strength to make it through this because I don’t have it! I pray that you get over the covid soon and I pray you give Jesus a chance. You will find people here that will be here for you as I have. I just felt as though I had to say that

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