Grief

[Chrisy]

I lost my mother earlier this year, I lost my father 2014, and last night my girlfriend said she is through with me not being genuine and open and broke up with me. I don’t know what to do, I’m so burdened with grief it’s hard for me to see out, but she doesn’t see that right now during my grief my love for her keeps me going every single day. Now that she has admitted she can’t be there for me during the grieving process I feel more alone than ever. I’ve been depressed for weeks now and don’t want to destroy my life but it’s so hard to get out of bed and so hard for me to be a girlfriend right now. I’m so lost, if I don’t figure it out soon I fear I’ll be homeless, how, how do I move pass these feelings and don’t sabotage my life? When everything in me wants to blow it up to stop my pain

[SaraV]

Hey Chrisy, I’m sorry to hear about your losses. Our stories are very similar. I lost my father in 2015 and my mother almost a year this coming February. I understand how hard it is to reach out for help and I understand the feelings that come with feeling alone at a time like this. I’m a very closed off person until a few years ago because I found being more open works in my favor. But  because of my losses I have closed up again in many ways. It’s also VERY hard for me to be a girlfriend right now. My partner and I moved in together 6 months ago. It was easy for me to be a happy go lucky person in our relationship when we didn’t live together. Now that we live together, it feels almost as if she is intruding in my grief process. At one point it was even hard for me to get out of bed, constantly crying and even thoughts of self harm. We were constantly fighting because of my anger, mood swings, and etc. Finally after a big fight that ended with her saying she might have to leave me because she can handle processing my grief with me but cannot handle me taking my grief out on her, I decided it was time to help myself. That conversation and many other things led me to realize that I need to face this head on because internalizing my feelings is damaging not only myself but the relationships around me. Are some days harder than others? Absolutely! But I have chosen to work with my friends, family and partner.. instead of against them. I think creating this account and writing on here is a really big step for you. It seems like in some way, shape or form you want change. The only thing I can really say is that it’s your process and you do what you think is right. However, considering your worry’s for destroying your life and becoming homeless, if you’re willing to do so I think seeking a grief therapist will be very beneficial for you. Hearing my partner express her concerns and what she can/cannot do for me, helped me. Maybe a conversation with your girlfriend with a lot of communication and you opening up will really help you guys resolve this. Communicating your feelings to her might allow her to understand you and your feelings better. It also might give her some peace knowing you’re willing to work on yourself. Grieving both parents is really hard and personally grieving my mother has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You need to work on yourself in order to get better because its not going to happen over night. If you take it day by day and do things for your own happiness you’ll start to feel better. Even just a daily routine like getting out of bed, making the bed, brushing your teeth, showering, making yourself breakfast or coffee, putting on clean clothes, whatever you think will brighten your days do it! Again, I’m sorry this is happening to you. Just remember you’re never alone. 

[reader]

Dear Chrisy,

I am sorry for your loss. And to hear your girlfriend feels overwhelmed with supporting you during your grief. I think it's very hard for the people around us to know what to say or do during this difficult time. And it makes it more painful when they pull away.  Grief makes us all raw. Please know there is support and there are people that will understand and support you. I hope you'll consider grief counselling, joining a support group or community group. I know these websites also helped me. Grief in Common. Grief Healing Blog. Grief Share.

Please know we are with you. x