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so angry


Katiebear21

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On Nov18th, i lost my husband to Covid-19 pneumonia. He was in the hopsital 2 weeks. only 2 weeks. i'm soo mad at him.

i  dont know how to be alone with out him. but i have to stay strong for my kids and i am quickly losing that battle. thankfully

they are 18 and 16 but unfortunately they are only 18 and 16..

 

where do i go from here.. i'm so angry and lost..

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Nov 3rd my younger brother died from the same thing.  Covid double pneumonia.  It pretty much destroyed his lungs, and the nitric and all the meds he was on damaged other organs as well, they were pretty sure there was brain damage as they couldn't keep his blood ox over 80% even with the ventilator at max.

 

He caught it from a friend that knew he was sick, sore throat and cough.  Both of them were anti-vax for covid.  He got sick a week later, neighbors called 911 when he couldn't breathe and texted them.  We was in ICU for a week then on vent for a week. 

 

I understand the anger, at him for being so stupid and at the friend for killing my brother with his stupidity.  But I try to not hold onto it, it's toxic and corrosive.  I don't wanna be that bitter person.

 

Just before going on the vent he did say he now understood he had been totally wrong about covid, it was not just the flu and the vaccine would have likely kept him out of the hospital.

 

Too little too late.  :(

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On 11/30/2021 at 5:44 PM, Katiebear21 said:

On Nov18th, i lost my husband to Covid-19 pneumonia. He was in the hopsital 2 weeks. only 2 weeks. i'm soo mad at him.

Katiebear21:  I am so sorry for your loss. A sudden loss like that would be maddening. I can sort of relate...My husband was in the hospital for several months with complications from Diabetes. He didn't come home except for about 2 weeks and then back into the hospital he went. Up until last year, he had always been pretty good about taking care of himself and doing what he needed to do to stay safe and healthy. But then for some reason, he let an infection in his toe go for too long. From there, it was one thing after another, infection after infection. I was mad at him after he passed away because I just didn't understand and still don't understand how he let it get so bad. But I remember he had a lot on his plate and he also had been fighting the Diabetes for several years as well as being on kidney dialysis. Maybe he was just too weak and too tired from it all. I'm sure your husband did not want to leave you. Maybe he was careful and still caught Covid. It happens to a lot of people. Or maybe he wasn't as careful as he should have been but didn't intentionally want to catch it and leave you. I think it's good that you admit to your anger. It will start to dissipate after a while and then just kind of come and go, especially on hard days. I've accepted my anger and just go with it now. I'm really no longer all that angry. Hopefully you will heal and your anger will lessen too. 

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