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Lost Grief


LynneMB

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I lost my son to cancer 10yrs ago, he was 6yrs old. Before and during his illness his father and I were not in a good place so didn't offer support to each other  I felt I was alone in all decision making.  He was a source of pain for me. 18months on from diagnosis my beautiful boy passed away. 

I didn't take the time to grieve. I actually didn't know how. I was just so sad but buried it by looking after my daughter and everyone e else. I went through the guilt phase and anger then nothing.  

Again, my relationship with his dad took over. He was a lost soul and all sorts of trouble. We ended up separated  a cpl of years after our sons passing. We went through a very bad break up. 

During that time I was so determined to live life in honour of my son, ensuring my daughter had good memories etc. It was just me and her against the world. 

But, I never acknowledged grief. I still don't but I have phases where the sadness and need for him to be with me is overwhelming. I get sick and depressed. This is happening more and more just lately and I'm a little scared of how it is affecting my life and my relationship with others. I am still a single mum. My daughter is a preteen and to be honest,  I feel like all my strength has got lost. I used to be able to deal with anything but over the past year or so, I have become so weak and tired. 

I don't know why this is happening and I want to get my strength back to have a happier life and show my daughter how to be happy. 

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Dear LynneMB,

I'm so sorry for everything you had to deal with. I think we all do the best we can in the moment. Please don't be hard on yourself. I hope you'll decide to talk to a grief counsellor or join a support group. There are many good resources in the community but sometimes it's hard to know where to look. I hope these websites will provide some direction.

Grief in Common - online support

Grief Share

Grief Healing Blog

Grief Recovery Method

What's Your Grief

We are here with you. (((hugs)))

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