It was only supposed to be a lesion

[Amstrad]

Last year my mum was sitting about due to all the lockdowns. She developed a lesion which was quite bad. I called an ambulance to the house as we were advised to. They were very concerned and  asked to take her to hospital. She said she would go the following day. I asked if she would be safe regarding covid and was told yes. The following day I kept quiet hoping my dad would disregard what the ambulance men had said but he was adamant she should go. I took her into casualty and asked the receptionist if she was safe. Again yes. I waved goodbye to my mum for the last time and left. We kept in contact over Xmas and then they diagnosed covid 19. She got through the initial infection with antibiotics. But then her symptoms got worse. They diagnosed covid pneumonia and gave her 3 days. On the third day she passed away. I’m having trouble with all the what ifs in particular. If we had ignored the ambulance men advice to take her to hospital, would she still be here. I miss her every minute of the day and keep looking over to see her on the couch or wanting to put a program on for her. This happened in February, shouldn’t this be getting better by now. ?Were we wrong to listen to the doctors?

[reader]

Dear Amstrad,

I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't be hard on yourself. I find the first year of grief the hardest. My counsellor told me on average it takes about 18 months to feel better. We all do the same thing after losing our beloved parents. I too look back often and think about all the things that could have been different. I question my own behavior the most and wished I had made different choices. It's very hard. 

I think you and your dad did the best you could under the circumstances. None of us can know every possibility in every situation. You only wanted your mom to get help and feel better. How could you have known?

It might help to seek out grief counselling or to join a support group. There are many supports in the community or through church. Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings.

[Orchid]

Hi,

I know what you are feeling. I also saw my mother the last time when she entered the lift with the nurses. Then the next I saw her in person was her body coming out of the morgue wrapped in a plastic bag. Atleast you admitted your mother to the hospital in time but I didnot. I took her to the hospital but it was very late. Had I taken her early she could have been saved. You know why I am telling you this. Because there is no perfect death. There always remain many unanswered questions when the person you love the most passes away. But you know what, you will never get the answers to those questions. Neither you can go back in time to correct your mistakes. You have to live with these forever.