A mess

[WhoamInow]

Today I hand over the keys to our home. I feel like a freshly formed scab has been ripped off my body. Days away from the 6 month mark of my husbands death. I feel like I’ve just erased it all, 36 years gone. He’s been buried now 3 weeks and I find myself wanting to sit at the cemetery. Today I will go to the cemetery for the last time until next spring. Oh Kevin I miss you so much it’s heard to breath without you. Watch over me and know how much I still love you

[Gail 8588]

WhoamInow, 

These changes in our lives are hard.  When I sold our home and moved into a house my sweet husband for 38 years had never lived in, I felt like I was stepping off a cliff into the unknown.  But he was still with me.  I know now he always will be.

My memories of him, my feeling his presence at times, my talking to him, even arguing with him, it all still continued.  He is in my heart, not in the house I sold.  

Have courage.  Circumstances sometimes require us to make changes.  It is so hard when we are still in the vortex of grief, fear, and loneliness to move into the unknown.  Just live one day at a time. You can make it through today.  He will stay with you. 

Hugs

Gail

 

 

[KayC]

OMG, you are going through so much so quickly, it has to feel very hard to process it all.  I pray, like Gail has found, that you also realize he is still with you no matter where you are.  I feel we were fated/meant to be together and as such will meet up again.  Same with my Arlie dog.

I remember a Bible verse that Jesus said, "Fear not, I am with you, even unto the end."  That's how I feel it is with my George too.  I may not be able to have him physically hold me, but I know his love and care for me did not end the day he died.

[tnd]

Last night I wondered if the new tenant(s) are enjoying the apartment my husband and I had together. It was our dream apartment and since I had to move out, I already felt envious that someone else would be spending their first night saying what we said about the place. It does feel sad. And although I can't quite explain it, I also feel that my husband has come with me to Francis's home. I'd like to think he will be on this next journey with me. I really really hope to be able to get my own apartment soon so he can help me unpack and....to unwind. To properly grieve, whatever that is going to look like. Take care, WhoamInow. 

[KayC]

(((higs)))